EVIL, Evil Villain Intervention League

[Meynolds]

This is EVIL. No, not evil, but EVIL. EVIL stands for the Evil Villain Intervention League.

We are good. AMEN is not.

AMEN needed some good guys to fight against, so here is the organization to do so.

If you are good, please join to defend good from AMEN!

They may attack, but we can counter!

In all conversations the Evil Villain Intervention League is to be referred to as the Evil Villain Intervention League or EVIL, and evil, as in villainy, should be referred to as evil or villainy.

Please put something about EVIL in your sig when you join if possible, and give yourself a position.

Members:
Meynolds, Head of All Good
Castaras, Official Smart Mouth
The Masked Man, Official Antihero, AKA Batman
Zar Peter, Official Astronomer
Shadow, Head of The Stalkers
Deckmaster, Official Shiny-Toothed Optimist
PirateMonk, Non-Member, banished henceforth!
Raistlin, Epic Paladin/Bard of Heroicness, and official Cyber-Gaara
Moon Called, Contract Bound Assistant
Deathcow, Nonviolent Discussion-Focused Pacifist
Frigs, Head of Alchememy
V Junior, Mysterious Gaurdien Celestial

The Stalkers:

A group of beings who have similar opinions as Shadow, who shall preform the "Darker Deeds" with regards to AMEN.

Members:
Shadow, Head of The Stalkers

[Castaras]

(( Goody! More Cannon Fodder! *Cough* I mean Gods no the good guys are here. Ahhh. What are we going to do. Help us. ))

[The Masked Man]

I wish to take out those evil doers, you have my daggers.

The figure's voice is raspy, hardened, he lurks behind this porcilin mask, to not reveal his true Identity.

[Zar Peter]

Zar Peter trots in.

That sounds interesting. Do you have some astronomical devices for my studies. And some chemical laboratories for my studies on evil eating habits (I think they like birds, but I don't be sure for now).
And, of course, I need a GOOD title.

[Meynolds]

For the record Castaras, I am clearly not the cannon fodder, I fire the cannon.

A paladin walks up.

"Welcome Masked Man! You are our second member. What position do you wish to have?"

"Plenty of Astronomical Devices, you are now the Official Astronomer."

[The Masked Man]

I'm the Shadowy Anti-Hero of EVIL.

Like batman!

[Shadow]

Shadow slips in through the back door silently, hoping to have gone unnoticed.

[Meynolds]

The amazing detection devices detect Shadow, and another Paladin goes to greet him.

"Hello there, what are you doing here?"

[Shadow]

After looking around a bit, he decides that this organization is not what he expected it to be and adresses the proprieter.
"My good man, I am called Shadow. I seem to have gotten turned around a bit in the trees in the park. Let me ask you, is this building in the town proper or outside of it's walls?"

[Meynolds]

Somewhere in an extra-dimensional plane known as "SMBG." The town would have it destroyed too quickly."

[Zar Peter]

Let me say: If the evil is outside the town, why not fight it outside?

[Shadow]

"That is good, for I spend very little time within the town itself. You can count on my assistance whenever you shall need it."

[Meynolds]

(I can see how confusing some conversations are going to become.)

"We are going to fight it, it being evil and thus AMEN, outside the town. Either when they attack or when we attack."

"Very good. What is your position within this organization?"

[Shadow]

"What would you have me do? I can serve in a number of capacities."
Shadow then tells you his story.

((look in my sig))

[The Masked Man]

Well, I've had my eye on the pogo-creep, you guys do what you want.

[Castaras]

A shadow flickers outside the guildhouse, before fading away again.

[Meynolds]

"Fine by me Masked Man."

"Shadow, when we attack, or they attack, you should probably hide in the shadows until you want to attack. When you do, do it in either Dragon or Human form, your choice."

The detectors detect the flicker, and a code yellow is enacted.

[Zar Peter]

Hey, I can see the restaurant quite good from this place here. So I combine both researches, great!

[Shadow]

"I will form what is known as The Stalkers. The Stalkers will be a sect of individuals like-minded as myslf. We will perform the darker deeds needed to be dealt with in Regards to AMEN. Recruitement will be limited to those that have abilities similar to myself.

[Lord Magtok]

An android approaches EVIL's HQ, and leaves a note on the ground and leaves before it can be noticed.


Count your days numbered EVIL. You will be swiftly crushed under our heel like an insignificant insect.


-Lord Magtok

[Shadow]

Shadow, investigating the Yellow Alert finds the note and brings it in for Meynolds to read.
"It seems we are already discovered. I had hoped that we could go a day or two without discovery."

[Meynolds]

((I'm going to update with the alert system shortly.))

Meynolds accepts the note.

Figured. This is clearly going to warrant Code Orange ASAP. And get James Bond in here!

[InaVegt]

A smiling mouth appears in the EVIL HQ, just a smiling mouth, nothing more.

[Shadow]

Shadow sees this smiling mouth and puts on a Rolling Stones CD.
He then touched his tongue to his chin, mocking Gezina's mouth.

[InaVegt]

Now, that's not nice of you.

The mouth stays, while extending it's toungue to Shadow

[Shadow]

"We really must do something about this security system, Meynolds. It appears to be.... lacking...."

[Meynolds]

((I have to go, I'll be back after 7 EST.))

Suddenly arrows spring out of the wall aiming for the mouth.

Sadly, we only have the basics at this time. Anyway, what are you Floating Mouth?

[InaVegt]

Hey, I'm not a villain, nor a member of AMEN. I'm just interested in money, and was wondering if you could use the skills of a powerful sorceress

[Shadow]

"My mistake. I mistook your apparition to be an agent of the enemy. As a fledgeling organization, we are looking for any help offered against the dastardly AMEN. What say you?"

[InaVegt]

Ah, AMEN, I'm currently in negotiation with them. As I said, I want money. And if you wish my skills, you'd better give me more than AMEN.

[The Masked Man]

And who are you that grins in this establishment?

[Shadow]

"Name your price and we shall consider it.
Normally I don't believe that we would stoop to such levels as hiring mercanaries, but at the moment we seem to be a bit shorthanded."

[InaVegt]

My price is this, more than AMEN offers me.

[Shadow]

"My masked friend, would you be so kind as to handle these negotiations while I search for more recruits?"


((Read as... I need to start some laundry before I go to work- BRB))

[Zar Peter]

I would start with a offer about 6 chests full of gold ((Time for bed now for me, maybe we're here tomorrow))

[InaVegt]

Good, for now that's higher than AMEN has bid, I'll inform you if they increase their bid.

[Deckmaster]

I want to join!

I'm Deckmaster, Official Shiny-Toothed Optimist!

I'm sure we can beat those AMEN goons! Yeah!

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

A pink smoke, with mandatory purple effects and the occasional deep blue flash, bursts into being in the center of the room. It slowly coalesces into a wide, yellow-fanged grin. As the smoke begins to dissapate, the figure of a rather massive goblin can be seen. The ends of the trenchcoat he wears flapping in the breeze of his own magical effect, and one massive hand on the loose-fitting bowler hat on his head, he stands for all the world to see.

As he sees eyes upon him, the goblin smiles wider and lifts right hand, revealing....... a cake.

It is a fanciful cake, with overly thick pink frosting and white highlights. It is the sort of sloppy cake that small children delight about when they receive them at birthday parties, the kind that often contains small plastic-wrapped coins. Besies the icing, it appears undecorated, and is large enough to feed a goodly sized group of youngsters.

His grin still filing his face, the strange being carefully places the cake upon a conveniently placed table. Then he straightens back up, and addresses the entire group of do-gooders.

"Welcome to the neighbourhood, friends and others!" he cries loudly, in a deep, naturally very loud voice with a slight stony undertone that is not altogether unpleasing to the ear. "Please enjoy this little housewarming gift," he adds, gesturing to the cake.

With that, he fades slowly away, the pink smoke returning, and a curious pink crossbow being the very last thing to disappear.

A note next to the cake reads simply

Undoubtably you feel you cannot trust me. A wise precaution. Do enjoy the cake, now.

It is closed with an odd quote, referencing some ancient animated film, and the name "Manyvoice".

[Shadow]

"Well met Deckmaster. With the dark days to come, I'm sure that Meynolds and the rest of us would be glad to have an Official Shiny-Toothed Optimist!
Welcome Aboard!"

[InaVegt]

I'd like to inform you all that AMEN has offered me membership.

[The Masked Man]

If all you want is money, then that's all we'll give, toss a GP on whatever Amen trumphs on.

[Shadow]

"I had thought, my good mouth, that I had already offered membership. Perhaps I wasn't clear. You would be a welcome addition to our humble organization as long as you continued to thwart AMEN at every turn. All that we have is at your disposal, and I, being a Dragon, have quite quite a bit to share."

[InaVegt]

Well, currently they're trying to recruit me into their pitifull organization, seems like you guys are winning.

And I have no intention of joining either of your organizations, I want money, as money and experience are the only two thing I haven't got infinite of.

[Shadow]

"Your constant jabbering about money makes me begin to think that you might just betray us when the offer becomes large enough.
No. I think I will suspend our negotiations at this time.
This is not what EVIL was meant to be, I believe.
Have your gold, along with the empty promises of those involved.
I ony hope that you greed is not your demise.
Fare thee well, nd may fortune smile on you. I'm sure that we'll meet again."

[InaVegt]

Well, they gave me a reasonable offer now anyway, two atlantic oceans full of platinum. But let me tell you, when I've taken on a contract I abide by it, being a traitor is worse then anything else.

[The Masked Man]

Well, it seems that AMEN will offer nothing, 0 +1 = 1, So, we'll offer 1 GP.
How does that sound?

[Shadow]

"As I said... Accept thier empty promises. Just beware the menace that they may instill in your heart."

[InaVegt]

Menace in my heart, I've seen the raw turmoil of chaos, the heart of Dal Quor. No single creature can increase the menace in my heart. For I do everything for money, yet for nothing the sun rises.

[Shadow]

"This only serves to accentuate my point.
You may not be a "member" of AMEN, but you certainly are qualified to be one. Be Gone from this place!"

Shadow activates the security system that Meynolds had installed to Banish the mouth.

:"Masked Man, you look to be qualified to join the ranks of the Stalkers of EVIL. What say you?"

[InaVegt]

The mouth disappears, however a small bug flies inside, tingling with magic of proportions mortals weren't meant to feel.

I took on a contract with Magtok, See you have to die, shadow.

Bij schadowen geboren, door Schadowen verdoemt.
Laat de kracht uit je stromen, als stromende dromen.

The entire room starts to fill with shadow, extracting the life energy out of Shadow

[Shadow]

((dammit! I have to get in the shower and then fold my clothes and then go to work. I have to go! Finish this later!))

Shadow steps into the darkness for which he was named and as he disappears, his fading voice can be heard, trailing away...
"Another time, betrayer... another time ideed..."

[dr4Kan]

*A single arrow flies into the room and strikes the bug. The arrow, it seems, was also imbued with an antimagic field...A cloaked figure with a longbow in hand then strides into the room...*
I guess It's no use lurking after that...I suppose it's well past time i introduced myself. My name is Ranêl. Some call me 'The Wandering Star'. Now, then , could anyone here tell me more about these "stalkers" of which I've heard? I would gladly lend my services if I find the organization to my liking...

[Lord Magtok]

A little camera on a wall monitors The Wandering Star's actions, and then suddenly retracts back into the wall, and relays all of its data to AMEN.

[dr4Kan]

Hmmmm....
*Ranêl casts a spell and disappears...a minute later, he reappears in a cloud of smoke...*
Now that i have taken care of issues (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2075401&postcount=666) over at AMEN, I would definitely like to know about these 'stalkers.'

((EDIT: Got to go...man, being an Assistant Scoutmaster does bite into my time on Thursdays...))

[The Masked Man]

You are a fool, aren't you? You launched an attack that they could easily shrug off, and made us make the first move. Do you know who is in there? Do you know that the higher ups that you just attacked would easily eat you alive! You should have waited.
Ferociously goes to his quartes, muttering about the pogoing menace.

[Lord Magtok]

((So you guys have a stalkers division? Isn't stalking kinda reserved for creepy pedophiles?))

[Meynolds]

((Nope. Clearly for Antiheroes.))

Welcome Deckmaster, we always need an optimist!

Ranêl, the stalkers is clearly reserved for antiheroes, and I think you qualify. The stalkers are presumably skilled at stealth and assassinations. Is that correct Shadow?

[Shadow]

@dr4kan
"The Stalkers are the arm of EVIL that deals in psuedo-guerilla tactics. Much unlike the one that you have just enacted against AMEN. You are more than welcome within our ranks, if approved by Meynolds of course, but you'll need to be a bit more subtle if you'd like to join the Stalker's Arm."

Shadow then steps wraps himself in darkness for a moment and disappears in it. A moment later, the darkness reforms and Shadow has returned.

"Did I deal with the matter of the floating mouth to your satisfaction Meynolds?"

((So you guys have a stalkers division? Isn't stalking kinda reserved for creepy pedophiles?))((I can stalk anyone that I feel a close personal sexual connection to. That's my right as an Anti-hero! *wink*wink*))

((I was halfway to work when they called and told me that they didn't need me until a little later. I've got about another hour))

[Meynolds]

Aye. Good work Shadow. We should check the cake for poison, no?

Meynolds, realizing something he forgot, says:

Activate the Hero Shields! Prepare the building to take full effect of the Stormtrooper effect!

As he says this, a faint shimmering envelopes everyone.

The hallways become wider as well.

[Lord Magtok]

A small girl enters the building and tries to hug Meynolds.

[Meynolds]

((I immediately become suspicious... By the way, those clones were sent by a disinterested third party.))

Detect Evil.

He gives her a lollipop.

[Lord Magtok]

((She's Lawful Good. And she's not connected to AMEN in any way.))

Unfortunately, she has a horribly contagious and often fatal disease, and starts to cough and spread germs everywhere. She also accidently drops a bottle of sulfuric acid on Meynold's foot, and it cracks open and leaves Meynolds with painful acid burns.

[Meynolds]

And now, the power of the REMOVE DISEASE!

And so it is cast on evey member of EVIL, and the little girl.

Oh, and a Lay on Hands for Meynolds' foot.

[Lord Magtok]

(('Lay on Hands' for your foot? Your having some paladin guy of yours massage your burnt foot? Creepy. I knew you had a pedophile division for a reason!))

[dr4Kan]

You are a fool, aren't you? You launched an attack that they could easily shrug off, and made us make the first move. Do you know who is in there? Do you know that the higher ups that you just attacked would easily eat you alive! You should have waited.
Ferociously goes to his quartes, muttering about the pogoing menace.

I am not yet a member of EVIL...I was acting on my own behalf. Therefore, technically, I did not make you all 'make the first move.' I was harboring feelings of 'ticked-offness' from something else and I also dislike camaras...


@dr4kan
"The Stalkers are the arm of EVIL that deals in psuedo-guerilla tactics. Much unlike the one that you have just enacted against AMEN. You are more than welcome within our ranks, if approved by Meynolds of course, but you'll need to be a bit more subtle if you'd like to join the Stalker's Arm."
<snip>

I usually am subtle, but as I stated, I was rather annoyed at the time. I believe I worked it out of my system, though. Also, what exactly do you mean by 'pseudo-guerilla'?

In case anyone was wondering...I am Neutral Good...

[Lord Magtok]

((More like CG. You were breaking and entering! I'll see you in court too!))

[dr4Kan]

((More like CG. You were breaking and entering! I'll see you in court too!))

:smallyuk: ...((Neutral...sometimes I behave in a lawful manner...sometimes chaotic...like when I was ticked earlier.))
Also, I did not break anything, only entered and then promptly left.

[Lord Magtok]

((You broke my extremely valuable teapot collection which was precariously covering all of the floor! And you broke Regina's heart!))

[dr4Kan]

((You broke my extremely valuable teapot collection which was precariously covering all of the floor! And you broke Regina's heart!))

((Regina has a heart??))

[Lord Magtok]

((Dunno. I just made that part up.))

[dr4Kan]

Hope you aren't too upset about the whole attacking thing earlier, though...Just needed to work out excess rage. You merely provided an opportunity...
No, using the word 'rage' is not implying that I have levels in barbarian. I don't

[Shadow]

Shadow staggers in from work and passes out in his cot.

((OH... wait... that was Shadow's player...))

[Deckmaster]

Deckmaster grins at being added to the first post. The light reflects off of his shiny teeth and blinds anyone evil in a two-mile radius.

[PirateMonk]

I'll join. This seems like a wonderful opportunity to play two groups against e- You've all heard too much. <Guns down anyone who looks like they may have been listening>
As for you, Gezina, whatever AMEN and EVIL are paying you, I'll quadruple it. As it says in my signature, I'm a God of Evil, I can afford it.

[Lord Magtok]

I always knew we couldn't trust you, PirateMonk. Always knew.

[Shadow]

Shadow is wondering what plan of action against AMEN to embark on next while he scrambles some cheesy eggs.

[PirateMonk]

I always knew we couldn't trust you, PirateMonk. Always knew.

What are you talking about? You can trust me. As far as you can trust Ayya. <Summons ICBINA> Lord Magtok says you're not pretty!


Shadow is wondering what plan of action against AMEN to embark on next while he scrambles some cheesy eggs.

<Steals eggs>

[Lord Magtok]

A note mysteriously appears at EVIL's doorstep.

It reads:
PirateMonk is no longer one of us. Feel free to take the slime off our hands, and use him for your own purposes.


-Lord Magtok, Of AMEN

[Shadow]

When Shadow eventualy finds the note and reads it he decides that this "separation" just seems a little too convienient and timed a little too well for his tastes.
Even if PirateMonk were worthy of joining the ranks of EVIL (which, unless he can prove otherwise, he is not) caution should be used.
Shadow pins the note to Meynolds' door so that he might make up his own mind on the situation.

[PirateMonk]

Of course I want to join! I am a Paladin, after all!

Mwahahahahahahahaha! Fools!

*Ahem*

Sorry. Force of habit.

[Meynolds]

Meynolds looks at the note.

Finding PirateMonk, he uses his Detect Evil class ability.

Plus detect class just to be sure...

[PirateMonk]

Detect Evil: PirateMonk scans as more Good than you are.

Detect Class: Every neuron in your brain is annihilated by the sheer number of classes PirateMonk has.

<Resurrects the paladin> I suggest you don't try that again.

[Meynolds]

((Wait a second, he would only have scanned as "not evil"))

Hmm... This implies that you are either truly good, or using some alignment changing device.

How many good deeds have you done in the last year?

[PirateMonk]

Um... Graham's Number?

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

*pops in*

I think I heard a comment of me being EXILED! soon, so I might be joining this place...

[Meynolds]

Detects Fus' alignment.

I see...

He makes note of the exact value of Graham's Number.

How did you find time for all of that?

He sounds somewhat impressed.

[Mr. Moon]

A slim, female drow clothed in white apears in the door way, eyes narrowed, mouth in a sly grin. In her hand is a giagantic greatsword, easily as long as she is. "I hear you guys want to destroy AMEN." She says with a grin.

[Meynolds]

Detects the Newcomer's alignment.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

A previously unknown trapdoor in the floor opens, and Fullbladder's goblinoid head pops out.

"No one wanted cake? That's too bad. I slaved over a hot baker's brain all day just to be able to make that. And no one touched it." with this he sighs deeply. "Well, maybe you'll find this more appealing."

With this, he pushes a small plate of nachos--fully cheesed--into the room, and vanishes.

((Just to get a head's up because I'm sure Meynolds will check all this, Fullbladder is Chaotic Neutral, the cake and nachos are free of curses, diseases, traps, poisons, monsters, insects, ect., and Fullbladder's array of classes appear only as 'Weary Traveller'))

[Meynolds]

((Chaotic Neutral is approved.))

Still waiting on those alignments...

Yes we do wish to destroy AMEN, may I ask why you ask?

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

A slip of paper then pops up the swiftly closing trapdoor. It reads simply "Sorry. I'm no merc. I'm just wierd. Meet you on the front, then?"

The paper bears also the header "From the offices of Fullbladder, XP Machine of AMEN".

[Mr. Moon]

The drow regesters as CE, but there seems to be somehting CG floating around somewhere in her...

"Then maybe... just maybe, we can come to a bit of an... agreement." The drow purs, batting her eyelashes.

[Meynolds]

A random Paladin goes to the front door to greet Fullbladder, backed up by a cleric of course.

I presume you are "Moon_Called" and are against AMEN because almost all the members have made that stupid Moon Called joke?

[PirateMonk]

<Gulps down the nachos and the cake>


Detects Fus' alignment.

I see...

He makes note of the exact value of Graham's Number.

How did you find time for all of that?

He sounds somewhat impressed.

Cloning, my friend, cloning. Unfortunately, it appears that one of them and Ayya...

[PirateMonk]

A random Paladin goes to the front door to greet Fullbladder, backed up by a cleric of course.

I presume you are "Moon_Called" and are against AMEN because almost all the members have made that stupid Moon Called joke?

*Phone rings* I'll get it! <Picks it up> Hello? <Puts it down> It's the Moon again. <Hides>

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Now, sir, I don't want to cause trouble. I've been slaving away all day, and I just keep coming to deliver food. No sir, I don't poison my food. Well, unless you can bake cookies with an overdose of love. Yes sir, I am insane. It comes from hailing from the Cosmic Nothing. No sir, I'm not surprised you haven't heard of it. But sir, I can't give baked goods to AMEN folk... it's not poisoned! That'd be ungentlemanly! You have a very nice hat, sir. Thank you sir. Could you please give this cookie to the good Meynolds, then? Thank you sir. Iggy bless your soul. Also your walkie talkies. Oh, you don't have walkie talkies. Hmm... Yes sir, I'll stop loitering. Good bye, sir."

The paladin is then left with a cupcake with the words "Why the war? Can't we be friends?" written on it in blue icing, with the previous request to hand it to Meynolds.

Fullbladder leaves thouroughly flustered, if only for the fact that his lungs were lunged-out from talking so much.

[Meynolds]

Don't finish that sentance. I don't want to know.

So, you have clones? That would be most helpful, if the Stormtrooper effect didn't exist.

Seeing the cupcake, he allows the paladin who received it to eat it. He's just not hungry.

[PirateMonk]

No problem. I have levels in DM. <Summons a sheet of paper, erases something on it, and writes something new in> There. Now the Stormtrooper effect doesn't apply to me and my clones. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go help a certain green-skinned devotee of Iggy make baked goods. Preferably using the dessicated brains of his deity in the place of flour, but I'll settle for more conventional methods. <Teleports after Fullbladder>

[Meynolds]

Even better. Oh, and what shall your title be?

[Deckmaster]

As a shiny-toothed optimist, I'm Neutral Good.

[Raistlin1040]

I'll join. Looks good. (No pun intended)

[Mr. Moon]

A random Paladin goes to the front door to greet Fullbladder, backed up by a cleric of course.

I presume you are "Moon_Called" and are against AMEN because almost all the members have made that stupid Moon Called joke?


((Sorry, I've been distracted. Bor's back! Yay! ^_^))

"No, not entirerly. I am working for my own benifit, not for that of AMEN. You see, I am waiting for AMEN to fullfill their goal of taking over the Playground, after which I will take over. However, should you aid me in this plan, then when I come to power, you and you EVIL will be spared. Mostly." The drow says, her eyes twinkling with bloodlust.

[Meynolds]

(We approve of puns here!)

To Raistlin: And what do you wish for your title to be?

To Moon_Called: Then your name is Moon_Called? Depends, will AMEN be destroyed in the process? Though we have no wish of ruling the Playground...

[Raistlin1040]

((I could be evil. Don't you want to detect evil to make sure I'm not evil before I join EVIL? My evilness could bring down all EVIL and raise evil up)
What do you think my title should be cutie?

[Meynolds]

((Very good point...))

Detects Evil stealthily...

I leave that discussion to the members, unless none is given.

[Raistlin1040]

(TN with minor good tendancies)

I can't think of any. Can you?

[Mr. Moon]

"Yes, my name is Moon Called. Next person to make the pun ruins any chance you have of an alliance." The drow glares at everyone within earshot, obvioulsy very serrious. "AMEN will be destroyed. I can promise you that, but only with your aid." She holds out a scroll that details the conditions of the alliance. The gist of it goes to the tune of "In return for the aid in defeating AMEN, I, Moon Called Witerose, vow to let EVIL live. In return for this, however, EVIL must also vow to never launch a counter attack agianst my forces when I come to power." At the very bottem are two lines for the signatures of Moon Called and Meynolds.

[PirateMonk]

<Grabs contract and signs in both areas> Mine.

[Mr. Moon]

Umm... oh ****. *stabs Piratemonk and steals the scroll back. Then casts Drain Memory so he won't remember any of this, and Teleports him to the Etherial Plane for the next... five hours Then earases Piratemonk's signatures*

"My applogies for the inturuption. But if any members of AMEN knew about this, then my plan would be lost." the Drow says.

[Lord Magtok]

((Heh, I just noticed EVIL is LIVE backwards when Moony said she'd let the group live.))

[Meynolds]

((What song is it to? I mean it is a tune...))

((But it was not capitalized. Thus she will never turn us around.))

To Raistlin: None at the moment, shall I put you down as "member" for the moment?

He considers the Treaty.

Imediatly casts a Permanenced Silence on PirateMonk.

It seems acceptable to me. I fear that I do not have perfect control over all members however.

He signs, after clearing away PirateMonk's signature.

And wasn't PirateMonk exiled?

[Raistlin1040]

Sure. Either that or Mistress with the Cute Shoes

[Lord Magtok]

And wasn't PirateMonk exiled?


((And yet he is only spending MORE time at AMEN. *Sigh* That annoying Fus. clone...))

[Mr. Moon]

As Meynolds signs, he is schocked to discover that he has written in his own blood. When he looks at Moon Called's signature, he see's that hers is not. "A saftey measure. Should you go back on your word, you will get a nasty deasise known as Bloodboil." The drow winks and leaves.

((As for all of you AMEN members lurking here, you know nothing about this. No amount of god moding can allow you to know this. Got it?))

[Meynolds]

((Well now, he doesn't obey orders well does he?))

Meynolds shrugs, seeing that a little blood will not do much in the short run. In the long run...

[Lord Magtok]

(('Fraid I already made it clear I was hacking the surveillance system, Moon Called. That wasn't typical god-modding.))

[Meynolds]

((Yes it was. We have computer programers you know.))

The security system is shut down for work as of 9:00PM Eastern Standard Time using time travel.

Saurous: Why thank you!

[Saurous]

((Yes it was. We have computer programers you know.))

The security system is shut down for work as of 9:00PM Eastern Standard Time.

((If that wasn't a nigh-perfect underhanded move, I don't know what is))

[Lord Magtok]

((That still leaves me with post 102 and everything before that. Enough evidence! HA!))

[PirateMonk]

<All spells fail to have any effect>

[The Masked Man]

I think we should join the Moon_Called. Evil fighting evil only harms evil. If we join one side, we can destroy the greater of the two. I'll be with you, Moon.

[Shadow]

As will I, for the time being... Although I must warn you all to steel your hearts. The more you justfy evil deeds for the common good, the more the line blurs.

[PirateMonk]

As will I, for the time being... Although I must warn you all to steel your hearts. The more you justfy evil deeds for the common good, the more the line blurs.

But the line is already blurred. There's no such thing as Objective Morality. In fact, I would go so far as to say that we and AMEN should merge into one organization.

[Shadow of the Sun]

A stranger walks in, rolling a revolver between his fingers, his eyes kept low. He walks up to the man who appears to be the leader, and says in a voice with a hint of thunder behind it: "Are you still recruiting? I have some serious skill with a revolver," as he indicates to his weapon. He looks up, and speaks again in that slow, unnatural voice "I have been told I would make a good Stalker by one of my sources." An unsettling grin slides onto his face.

((Chaotic Neutral here, tends to good!))

[Castaras]

Too. Many. Good. Guys.

* Head explodes *

Castaras picks up the dead body and animates it, before the two disappear.

[Lord Magtok]

But the line is already blurred. There's no such thing as Objective Morality. In fact, I would go so far as to say that we and AMEN should merge into one organization.

Another note arrives:


And I would go so far as to say EVIL is a product of AMEN. Look back in time, and you'll see who's REALLY in control here.


-Your True Master.

[Meynolds]

Shadow of the Sun, I approve of your joining, but you need to talk to Shadow about joining the Stalkers.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Fullbladder shoulders his way in EVIL's door, right past the paladin who, as usual, had stepped up to take his strnge little speeches.

"The Lord himself has spoken," says he, as his hand reaches towards the crossbow at his belt.

As usual, a paladin nearby sees this and raises a sword.

"Look, Shiny One," the goblin snarls, gesturing. "Upon that troubled earth below. All the multiverse is even now making a choice. A world of Evil, or a world of Good. One will come out on top, and the other will be annihilated."

"The ultimate irony is this: Good is entirely impotent without the presence of Evil. As evil is a part of all things, all magic, evil is a part of even the most devout paladin's heart. Indeed, no man, beast, or even god is without Evil. Nor is Evil ever pure, for it is always one with Good."

"And so I entreat upon thee; look not to AMEN, not to thy swords and spears. Nay, look into thy hearts, and make peace with thyselves, and make peace in this world. There is a third option. I have seen many worlds crumble because they could not see that."

With that, he reaches all the way to the crossbow, and past it. Instead, he takes a small radio from a loop further back on his belt, and places it gently upon a table. He then turns it on and spins a dial on it's face.

"Set to the frequency of those to whom you believe yoursleves enemies. Send not your soldiers, nor your foolish messengerboys. Send simply your voices, and remember my words. Heed them, for all things heal with time."

"Only with time."

And he leaves. Not through the door, not through magic of any detectable sort. He simply.... fades. No magic can be detected, no god's hand is known, but the strange thing does indeed take place.

The Radio remains.

[PirateMonk]

Fullbladder shoulders his way in EVIL's door, right past the paladin who, as usual, had stepped up to take his strnge little speeches.

"The Lord himself has spoken," says he, as his hand reaches towards the crossbow at his belt.

As usual, a paladin nearby sees this and raises a sword.

"Look, Shiny One," the goblin snarls, gesturing. "Upon that troubled earth below. All the multiverse is even now making a choice. A world of Evil, or a world of Good. One will come out on top, and the other will be annihilated."

"The ultimate irony is this: Good is entirely impotent without the presence of Evil. As evil is a part of all things, all magic, evil is a part of even the most devout paladin's heart. Indeed, no man, beast, or even god is without Evil. Nor is Evil ever pure, for it is always one with Good."

"And so I entreat upon thee; look not to AMEN, not to thy swords and spears. Nay, look into thy hearts, and make peace with thyselves, and make peace in this world. There is a third option. I have seen many worlds crumble because they could not see that."

With that, he reaches all the way to the crossbow, and past it. Instead, he takes a small radio from a loop further back on his belt, and places it gently upon a table. He then turns it on and spins a dial on it's face.

"Set to the frequency of those to whom you believe yoursleves enemies. Send not your soldiers, nor your foolish messengerboys. Send simply your voices, and remember my words. Heed them, for all things heal with time."

"Only with time."

And he leaves. Not through the door, not through magic of any detectable sort. He simply.... fades. No magic can be detected, no god's hand is known, but the strange thing does indeed take place.

The Radio remains.

Blah, blah, blah, I'm a stupid preachy goblin loser of Iggy! <Destroys radio> We don't need him! We are evil EVIL!

[Lord Magtok]

*Magtok personally enters the base, waving a flag of peace and diplomacy.*

He has a point. Without us, you have no purpose or meaning, and thus, will fall apart and split up. However, we've existed much longer, and without you, we'll only thrive as we have before.

Now if you excuse me, I have to get going before you attack me and sacrifice all your morals as I am unarmed and helpless right now.Or am I?

[Shadow of the Sun]

The stranger looks up and grins I never had any morals to begin with! He draws his revolver and points it straight at Lord Magtok. This will not injure you, cyborg, but that doesn't mean it wont hurt.

[Lord Magtok]

I had all my nerves replaced with those of cybernetics recently. I feel no pain.

[PirateMonk]

*Magtok personally enters the base, waving a flag of peace and diplomacy.*

He has a point. Without us, you have no purpose or meaning, and thus, will fall apart and split up. However, we've existed much longer, and without you, we'll only thrive as we have before.

Now if you excuse me, I have to get going before you attack me and sacrifice all your morals as I am unarmed and helpless right now.Or am I?

Thrive? The whole reason you founded this group was so I'd start killing people in a productive way.

And yes, not all of us have morals. It was so nice of you to leave all those cloning machines lying around throughout the multiverse so that when one fell apart through my tinkering, I could move on to another.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Ah, but there you are wrong, my malevolent friend."

The words come from a particularily shiny human paladin. Oddly, no one has ever seen her before, and her skin has a slight greenish tinge when the light hits it just right. Now that she has attention from Magtok, she puts on a pair of sunglasses and continues.

"Good is meaningless without Evil, yes, but, conversely, without Good there can be no Evil. They are, how shall we say, two sides of the same coin. Evil is, at it's most basic, the refusal to obey rules. To coincide, let us look at Good. Essentially, it is the enforcement of the rules that the evil entities break. The rules cannot truly be enforced if the rules are never broken, and the rules cannot be broken if there are no rules to begin with. They feed off one another, parasites."

"True, there are the grey areas, but that there is just a balance. The mosquito sucking blood from the mosquito. When the blood leaves one for the other, the original soaks it right back in. It's a continuous cycle. So sorry, you old bucket of bolts I hold the misfortune of throwing my lot in with, but you are wrong. And it is strange, that the two sides never see it that way, in light of the simplicity of the matter."

The paladin, who is obviously not a paladin, then shrugs and smiles darkly.

[PirateMonk]

"Ah, but there you are wrong, my malevolent friend."

The words come from a particularily shiny human paladin. Oddly, no one has ever seen her before, and her skin has a slight greenish tinge when the light hits it just right. Now that she has attention from Magtok, she puts on a pair of sunglasses and continues.

"Good is meaningless without Evil, yes, but, conversely, without Good there can be no Evil. They are, how shall we say, two sides of the same coin. Evil is, at it's most basic, the refusal to obey rules. To coincide, let us look at Good. Essentially, it is the enforcement of the rules that the evil entities break. The rules cannot truly be enforced if the rules are never broken, and the rules cannot be broken if there are no rules to begin with. They feed off one another, parasites."

"True, there are the grey areas, but that there is just a balance. The mosquito sucking blood from the mosquito. When the blood leaves one for the other, the original soaks it right back in. It's a continuous cycle. So sorry, you old bucket of bolts I hold the misfortune of throwing my lot in with, but you are wrong. And it is strange, that the two sides never see it that way, in light of the simplicity of the matter."

The paladin, who is obviously not a paladin, then shrugs and smiles darkly.

*Sigh* You do know I have the Barbarian class feature Terminal Attention Deficit Disorder, right? The one that gives +66656756587 on will saves vs. long rants?

Anyway, this issue was addressed at length in "a Debate about alignments," where it was determined that, under the right circumstances and if you're willing to limit and impurify Good and/or Evil, they can exist independently, which works just fine in our world of Subjective Morality.

As for your comments on "the rules," that's more Law vs. Chaos than Good vs. Evil. We're not stuck in First Edition here.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Close enough. I've never played D&D and use their alignments they way a newbie would. Still, I am correct. You, on the other hand, can lay off a bit.

[edit] Forgot some. I alos haven't read/heard this discussion, and wouldn't care otherwise.

[Lord Magtok]

Fullbladder, we can discuss philosophy all you want, but the fact remains AMEN can and will continue its existence after EVIL is defeated.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"And the fact will remain that both groups will matter not in the sum of all things. But, true enough, I concede to your point. After all, War is a natural population stabilizer.

I'm keeping the armour."

[PirateMonk]

Fullbladder, we can discuss philosophy all you want, but the fact remains AMEN can and will continue its existence after EVIL is defeated.

... That's because EVIL isn't really that good, let alone all of good.

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

LASER! LASER! LASER! DOGGGGGG!
LASER! LASER! LASER! DOGGGGGG!
LASER! LASER! LASER! DOGGGGGG!
LASER! LASER! LASER! DOGGGGGG!
EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPLOSION!

*boom*

[Meynolds]

Exactly one paladin is caught in the explosion, and he is quickly resurrected.
You know, I'm pretty sure there is a reference I am missing here...
Most of the other paladins yawn and stab this "Laser Dog."

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

*telprots out before any damage is done*

[PirateMonk]

<Comes in on a machine gun-equipped pogo stick> Hi. I've been re-inducted into AMEN by Idiotaric edict. <Guns down every paladin in sight and some that aren't> We'll be eatin' good tonight! ((Pun intended))

[Meynolds]

The paladins yawn again, and the bullets bounce off the hero shields.
I believe this means the war is ON! We can now attack with justifacation for one of our number is dead.
Except for the one Red Shirt, but he had to die soon anyways.

[PirateMonk]

Ha! I've been here long enough to make a few changes with the hero shields. Your paladins are DEAD!

[Meynolds]

Enter the Clerics.
Oh, so you have truly begun the WAR.
Either way, the Jedi jump at you from all sides slashing you to death.
Have fun in hell...
And the hero shield generators are in a teleportation proof, damage proof, GODLY INTERVENTION proof, everything proof room which can only be accessed by me or the mechanics.
Death to PirateMonk!
Also, all clone troopers have been destroyed so problem solved there, all dark lords of the Sith have been destroyed as well.

[PirateMonk]

Enter the Clerics.
Oh, so you have truly begun the WAR.
Either way, the Jedi jump at you from all sides slashing you to death.
Have fun in hell...
And the hero shield generators are in a teleportation proof, damage proof, GODLY INTERVENTION proof, everything proof room which can only be accessed by me or the mechanics.
Death to PirateMonk!
Also, all clone troopers have been destroyed so problem solved there, all dark lords of the Sith have been destroyed as well.

<The clerics and Jedi are impaled by Snarl tentacles>

<An exact copy of Meynolds walks in>

<There are no clones or Sith in the area>

I'm not going to hell. I've manipulated the legal system to get me heaven at its best after I die, which I won't.

[Meynolds]

Hmm... Very interesting.

Now the room to the hero shields is locked with the technicians in there. Nobody else may enter.

I knew that there were no clones or sith, just taking away one or two paths to destroying the jedi.

And now to counter: A large number of immortal gods enter the room and squish PirateMonk then leave.

[Castaras]

A ghostly face appears.

Hurry up please, the soup is boiling over. Get that paladin meat quickly, so I have enough time to do a roast.

It then sticks its tongue out at the paladins, and fades away.

[Meynolds]

The paladin caught in the explosion mysteriously dies and disappears.

[PirateMonk]

Great Wish!

Now they're dead immortal gods. Not that you could've gotten them in the first place.

[Meynolds]

Can anything hurt you?

[Lord Magtok]

No. Its why I wanted to give him to you. He just doesn't stop meddling in everything!

[Meynolds]

PirateMonk spontaneously dies.
Nothing killed him!
What?

[Mr. Moon]

The drow nods. "I swear, one day I will strangle the little brat... If it wasn't for the fact that he'd just godmode his way out of it. You haven't even seen the worste of it."

[PirateMonk]

PirateMonk spontaneously dies.
Nothing killed him!
What?

You do remember the title you gave me, right?

[PirateMonk]

<Grabs the dead paladins and returns to AMEN HQ>

[Lord Magtok]

*Leaves a recording of Rex's disturbing song about Magtok playing in the EVIL base as he leaves.*

[Meynolds]

Immediatly, several hundred Silence spells are cast on it.

[Lord Magtok]

Unfortunately, the item also happened to have an strong antimagic feild around it. Several paladins wander off to vomit in the bathrooms.

[Shadow]

Shadow vomits all over Meynolds.

[Meynolds]

Meynolds casts create water on himself to wash of the throw up.

He then throws up on Shadow, and grabs the best earplugs ever.

[Shadow]

A simple Prestidigitation will suit Shadow's need of cleanliness.

Now that I listen a bit more, the song's actually quite catchy....

[Castaras]

* Appears at door *

* Knocks politely *

Could I borrow a truckload of paladin bodies? Thanks.

* Loads up truck with souls and paladins before fading away *

[Lord Magtok]

One paladin starts to cry when his best friend is taken away. Meanwhile, Magtok laughs at this poor creature's suffering from the safety of AMEN HQ.

[Castaras]

Delivery for all paladins! Grubs up!

* Leaves special pies made by Castaras at door and heads off *

[Lord Magtok]

*Magtok the True Master of Constructs hovers into EVIL, the leaves quietly after saying this.*

Spy, we have no more use for you. Give yourself up to EVIL, and hopefully they'll let you off easy.

Or...you could not say anything, and allow them to kill each other looking for you. You know what, do that instead.

Wait...sorry you're offline right now. I'll be back later.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Fullbladder once more shoulders his way in. Close at his heels is another, smaller goblin, approximately 1/10th the former's height.

"This is my.... son. Hide him. EVIL is a safe place so long as Magtok plots against it. Raise him well."

With that he leaves.

[Lord Magtok]

Go ahead and let EVIL be your daycare, LF. I'm not the kind of person who breaks into nurseries, anyway.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Exactly! Plus I'm bored and decided to bug Meynolds with a tiny goblin.

[PirateMonk]

Go ahead and let EVIL be your daycare, LF. I'm not the kind of person who breaks into nurseries, anyway.

I am! <Sacrifices Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins Junior to the Great Banjulhu, the Elder Puppet, Master of all> Iggy, actually. Wouldn't want to do the little fella in permanently.

[Lord Magtok]

Some Father you are...ahem...What I meant to say was...nope, that was it. He's going to grow up knowing you didn't give a damn about 'im. Maybe become evil and want to kill you, or turn EVIL, and want to kill you.

[Castaras]

Hang on...have we taken over EVIL now? I think we have, unless some paladin is going to speak up and challenge us...

[PirateMonk]

Or some pedophile.

[Saurous]

So...now what? What do we do now that nothing's here to guard it?

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

He's gonna want to kill me anyway. Might as well be raised in a good, healthy, SAFE environment.

[Castaras]

Leave it to rot, with a few demons left behind?

[Lord Magtok]

We could put up some decor, abduct some kids, and make it into a real day care!

The EVIL daycare center! Brilliant!

[PirateMonk]

We could put up some decor, abduct some kids, and make it into a real day care!

The EVIL daycare center! Brilliant!

Okay! I'll teleport in my immature clones. <Tiny robed figures appear and begin running around>

[Saurous]

We could put up some decor, abduct some kids, and make it into a real day care!

The EVIL daycare center! Brilliant!

Yes, Magtok. Brilliant.

*An immature Saurous appears next to him. He has pale skin and his hair has a slight pinkish tinge to it. He weilds a greatsword and has a slight violent look in his eye. The little one walks in and begins running around.*

[Lord Magtok]

I'll bring some baby cyborg clones of me. Careful, the lttle guys like to play rough. With their razor sharp robot claws.

[PirateMonk]

I'll bring some baby cyborg clones of me. Careful, the lttle guys like to play rough. With their razor sharp robot claws.

My "kids" have all my levels, and are basically identical to me, but have lower physical stats and are Tiny instead of Smallish. Yay, braintaping!

[Saurous]

...and my "son" retained most of my magical abilities, and has a strange violent attitude. May be because I used some of Moon Called's DNA to create him.

[Lord Magtok]

Eww, Saurous. Why'd you make love to HER? That's creepy. And I know for a fact he isn't a cloning lab kid. I was the doctor who performed the operation after the nine months were up for MC.

[Saurous]

Wait, what? Of course he's a cloning experiment. No child acts so much like their parents. He's basically me with a few of Moon Called's mental quirks.

[PirateMonk]

Wait, what? Of course he's a cloning experiment. No child acts so much like their parents. He's basically me with a few of Moon Called's mental quirks.

Of course...

[Lord Magtok]

Wait, what? Of course he's a cloning experiment. No child acts so much like their parents. He's basically me with a few of Moon Called's mental quirks.

Sure...:smallamused:

So glad I'm a cyborg and don't have to put up with this dirty nonsense.

[Saurous]

....I hate all of you. :smallannoyed:

[PirateMonk]

Sure...:smallamused:

So glad I'm a cyborg and don't have to put up with this dirty nonsense.

When you're cloned, only the meaty bits regenerate. I haven't found that much of a problem.

Oh, and the court just ruled that, despite the fact that she is now a different gender and that was a dead and defective clone, you are still legally married to Regina.

[Lord Magtok]

What court? I obey only my own law, and as for the cloning thing, I've designed it to only make half a clone, and then use robot parts for the other half.

[PirateMonk]

What court? I obey only my own law

The courts that you must obey if you want to keep your Lawyer levels?


I've designed it to only make half a clone, and then use robot parts for the other half.

You do know what "tampering with the cloning machine" means, right?

[Lord Magtok]

I have no lawyer levels. And theres still that one untouchable lab guarded by Fighter Magtoks, Paladin Magtoks, Undead Magtoks, Planeswalker Magtoks, Magtok Skywalker, etc.

So I know at least 3 labs are safe.

[Saurous]

*Little Saur walks over to Saurous and pulls on his sleve*

Where's mom? I want to see mommy!

You..don't have a mother. You're a clone, remember?

I thought I did. That one lady you call Moon C-

*Saurous then clamps a hand over the little one's mouth*

[PirateMonk]

I have no lawyer levels. And theres still that one untouchable lab guarded by Fighter Magtoks, Paladin Magtoks, Undead Magtoks, Planeswalker Magtoks, Magtok Skywalker, etc.

So I know at least 3 labs are safe.

No they're not. Those were taken care of by my avatars. One to each.

[Lord Magtok]

*Little Saur walks over to Saurous and pulls on his sleve*

Where's mom? I want to see mommy!

You...don't have a mother. You're a clone, remember?

I thought I did. That one lady you call Moon C-

*Saurous then clamps a hand over the little one's mouth*

Yeah, where's Mommy Called? Or would she be Mrs. Saurous? Maybe Mom Called? Is Saurous doing this as a favor so she doesn't have to pay child support? Is she blackmailing him to do this for free kinky action in the dungeon?

[Saurous]

I suggest you be quiet, Magtok. Or you may find a lightsaber imbeded between your eyes, again.

[PirateMonk]

*Little Saur walks over to Saurous and pulls on his sleve*

Where's mom? I want to see mommy!

You..don't have a mother. You're a clone, remember?

I thought I did. That one lady you call Moon C-

*Saurous then clamps a hand over the little one's mouth*

<Pats Saur on the head> Mommy went away, little fella. But when you see her again, could you tell her that the Moon called and said you were born?

[Lord Magtok]

I suggest you be quiet, Magtok. Or you may find a lightsaber imbeded between your eyes, again.

No matter. I just established a new cloning lab, it exists in a different time period, just before the universe implodes. Right next to a restuarant.

[PirateMonk]

No matter. I just established a new cloning lab, it exists in a different time period, just before the universe implodes. Right next to a restuarant.

A restaurant that my chef Sampiatar frequents, of course.

[Saurous]

No matter. I just established a new cloning lab, it exists in a different time period, just before the universe implodes. Right next to a restuarant.

I already established a minion of mine as a waiter there. And one of the chefs.

*Saurous then turns back to Saur/Maur/Little Saurous/Saur Jr./Whatever the hell you want to call him*

Ignore them and please avoid speaking with "Mommy". It could end badly.

[Deathcow]

So is it too late for me to get in on this EVIL thing, or did all the good guys leave already?

*looks around*

Hmm. Oh well, I hereby nominate myself as Nonviolent Discussion-Focused Pacifist of Evil Villain Intervention League, and would like to extend the olive branch to the poor misunderstood fellows over there at AMEN, who were obviously raised in abusive, disfunctional homes. It's okay! Someone understands you!

[Lord Magtok]

Psst! Kid, I'll give ya 5 bucks to go over to yer mommy, and give her a hug. Think about it, 5 bucks! You could get a pet zombie with that kind of money!

Deathcow, nobody understands me. And my parents were not abusive. They beat me for looking at them askew, just like all other parents do! Meh, Not even my own clones understand me. Leave me alone, I wanna be left alone to rot.:smallfrown:

[Saurous]

Psst, Magtok. I can make him a pet zombie if he wanted one. And then some.

[Lord Magtok]

Forget it then, kid. I'm going to go wallow in self-pity until someone kills me again. :smallfrown:

[Deathcow]

Deathcow, nobody understands me. And my parents were not abusive. They beat me for looking at them askew, just like all other parents do! Meh, Not even my own clones understand me. Leave me alone, I wanna be left alone to rot.:smallfrown:

It's okay, man. We all just need to be loved. Nobody blames you *coughexceptmaybethosepaladinscough*. C'mon, give me a hug.

[Saurous]

*Shuffles a few feet away upon hearing "hug"*

[Lord Magtok]

No. You'll likely burn my face off with those flames. And those judging paladins can burn in heck for all I care.

[PirateMonk]

So is it too late for me to get in on this EVIL thing, or did all the good guys leave already?

*looks around*

Hmm. Oh well, I hereby nominate myself as Nonviolent Discussion-Focused Pacifist of Evil Villain Intervention League, and would like to extend the olive branch to the poor misunderstood fellows over there at AMEN, who were obviously raised in abusive, disfunctional homes. It's okay! Someone understands you!

I was a successful, happy CG Sorcerer until a few accidents involving Banjulhu, bunnies, D12s, Barbarian-Monks, and Raging.

Aw, Lord Magtok looks sad. Why don't we all give him a hug? <Magtok is buried under Tiny PirateMonks>

[Saurous]

Well, that's a good idea, PM. Come on, Maur, why don't you give Uncle Maggie a hug?

*Little Saur walks over and hugs Magtok*

[Deathcow]

Group hugs all around! Nothing like a good hug to quell the spirit of evil and allow the true peace and joy of being Good to embrace the soul. Now, where's that fire extinguisher...

[Raistlin1040]

What do you guys think? Should I take levels in bard?

[Meynolds]

The paladins, who had been sneaking off all this time, now trigger an amazing explosion which destroys the EVIL HQ and everything, and everyone, inside, except the members of EVIL.

[Raistlin1040]

Evasion Bitch!

[Lord Magtok]

Good thing all those group hug morons sheilded me with their bodies. Now, off to wallow in self-pity!

[Deathcow]

Oh hello, the other good guys are here. Hey, guys. I'm the new guy. I went ahead and gave myself a title, I hope you don't mind.

[Saurous]

*Saurous, who had stepped just outside EVIL HQ before the explosion, turns around. Maur walks out without a scratch*

Huh. That's one thing different, he actually has a decent Constitution score.

[Lord Magtok]

No of course they'll mind. They mind the fact I exist, don't they? Everyone hates me...

[Raistlin1040]

BTW as my gender confusion is over, can my title be "Epic Paladin/Bard of Heroicness"?

[Meynolds]

Confirmed Deathcow. Title change confirmed, Raistlin.

A large host of Paladins now charge and run every surviving member of AMEN through in such a way that they cannot survive and cannot be resurrected by any means.

[Lord Magtok]

Ah well. At least I've still got my robot half. Technically, I'm not alive though. *Regenerates other half of face.*

It wasn't survivng or ressurection! Now, back to being depressed.

[Deathcow]

Geez, can't we all just be friends? Where's the love, man?

*Hums Black Eyed Peas songs*

[Meynolds]

A depressed Magtok...

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

An EMP missile strikes Magtok and then the Paladins run him through with the same method as before.

[Lord Magtok]

Man I HATE those songs! You. Stop. Now.

*Draws an AK-47.*

As for EMP, I found a way around it a long time ago. Now leave me alone.

[Raistlin1040]

For a second, I read that as an EMO missile.

[Deathcow]

Ahem:

"All these people dying, all these people crying...

Won't you practice what you preach, won't you turn the other cheek...

*Hums through the 3/4ths of the song he doesn't know*

Where is the love? Where is the love?"

[Meynolds]

((Would an EMO missile be more effective?))

Several Paladins begin patting Magtok on the back, telling him it will be alright.

They leave him alone thereafter.

[Saurous]

*Walks in, alive again*

Aggrivating paladins. There's no such thing as getting rid of AMEN.

[Lord Magtok]

Sing...We All Need Somebody to Lean On instead, or I'll shoot.

...meh, who am I kidding? I couldn't hurt a fly. :smallfrown:

...Damn paladins. Tell them to keep their butt sticks away from me. I'm LE, and will tear out their throat if they...umm..forget it. Not worth my time.

[Deathcow]

And why is the dark and mysterious cyborg lord so depressed today? ...oh, fine.

*Switches to singing "It's A Small World After All," then realizes what he's doing and hits himself in the head with a blunt instrument*

[Lord Magtok]

*Checks anti-virus program.*

SOMEONE GAVE ME a DEPRESSION VIRUS! I DEMAND to know WHO it was RIGHT NOW!

[Saurous]

*Checks anti-virus program.*

SOMEONE GAVE ME a DEPRESSION VIRUS! I DEMAND to know WHO it was RIGHT NOW!

Deathcow, probably. He needed someone to be depressed so he can do his job.

[PirateMonk]

I'm back, what hap- oh...


No of course they'll mind. They mind the fact I exist, don't they? Everyone hates me...

I don't hate you. I may loathe, strongly dislike, and grudgingly respect you, but I've never hated you. Well, maybe once.

[Deathcow]

Deathcow, probably. He needed someone to be depressed so he can do his job.

Because I know that you're a member of AMEN, and therefore unnaturally and blatantly suspicious, I'm going to ignore that. But no more character attacks!

[PirateMonk]

*Checks anti-virus program.*

SOMEONE GAVE ME a DEPRESSION VIRUS! I DEMAND to know WHO it was RIGHT NOW!

Oh, um, well, Fermium rods can do some funny things when you, uh, leave them lying around in Saurous's lab for, um, 20 years, before, well, moving them to yours... :smalleek:

[Saurous]

Oh, um, well, Fermium rods can do some funny things when you, uh, leave them lying around in Saurous's lab for, um, 20 years, before, well, moving them to yours... :smalleek:

There were Fermium rods in my lab?!

[PirateMonk]

There were Fermium rods in my lab?!

I think the magical energies converted them into hyper-intelligent omnipotent beings with a twisted sense of humor.

ATTENTION ALL DO-GOODERS! THESE ENTITIES MUST BE STOPPED NOW, BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE! THINK OF THE CHILDREN! AND THE PUPPIES! ALL THE THINGS YOU PEDOPHILES WON'T BE ABLE TO ABUSE IF THESE FERMIAN ABOMINATIONS WIN!

[Lord Magtok]

Ow. The big text hurts my eyes. Not that anyone cares, though.

[Saurous]

Does it hurt your eyes as much as the following picture?

http://www.imagehosting.com/out.php/i290047_TakethisKitty.jpg

[Lord Magtok]

That didn't hurt at all.
It just made me think about my animal abuse crimes I've commited in the lab, making robo-kittens. I'm so ashamed!:smallfrown:

[Saurous]

That didn't hurt at all.
It just made me think about my animal abuse crimes I've commited in the lab, making robo-kittens. I'm so ashamed!:smallfrown:

Well, I suppose that works, then.


And are you sure it doesn't harm your eyes? Between the laughter, I think my eyes are starting to water.

[Lord Magtok]

Could be the addiction to the mouthwash trying to tell you to get back to the lake.

Now can you go bust those fermy whatever rods for me? I'd do it, but I'd probably fail. Too depressed.

[Deathcow]

It's your conscience! Your conscience is making you depressed because you're evil! Join the good side, it's the only way.

[Saurous]

It's your conscience! Your conscience is making you depressed because you're evil! Join the good side, it's the only way.

Um...Magtok, you may need to get back to AMEN base. All the good nearby must be messing with your alignment and mental state.

[Lord Magtok]

No. I'm secure in my evilness. Deathcow, I killed my last therapist. Leave me alone or it'll hapen to you.

[Deathcow]

Well, okay. I'll take one for the team. What's Good without some self-sacrifice, anyway?

*uses fire extinguisher on self, then gives Magtok a hug*

[Lord Magtok]

Get the [bleep] off of me. Fus. hacked and cured me.

*Stabs and runs back to AMEN.*

[Deathcow]

...well, at least he's feeling better.

*Removes knife*

[Castaras]

Castaras, watching from the shadows, finally succeeds her will save against laughing and fades away, wiping tears from eyes.

[Lord Magtok]

Good gods, hugged by a bovine...I feel violated...:smalleek:

[Castaras]

* Laughs cruelly *

Oh and EVIL, you did know you were created on a whim by the lady Maggie here? You're AMEN's creation...:smallamused: