Finding a gaming group or just a game to play in... How does it work for you?

[Catalysis]

It seems like the only way to have people play this awesome game, in my case, is to take the reign of DMing, because no one else will, and push the limit of my creativity to keep my friends interested in it.

I rarely see my players trying to push their understanding of the game at all.

As much as I try to expend my own knowledge of this superb RPG, I'm starting to think it will soon be useless if everyone I know is not interested to play it for more than one month.

*Sigh* I don't give them enough credit, I'm sorry.

To put it simply: my game lack involvement, and being a lone wolf has proven to be fatal for those who stay that way.

I've DMed multiple group at a time for 2 years now, and I've been in a fair number of game as a player, I have also met a great variety of colorful people, but the only ones who have kept me amazed at this game is the online community:
you are all seriously amazing.

I want to share and learn, so please, playgrounders, tell me, how can I find my pack, hunt with the wolves?

But more importantly, how do you find your own pack?

P.S. : sorry for synthax and other grammar error, english isn't my native language.

2nd post scriptum: I'm also very sorry for the bad tone this post is starting with. I hope you can bring happiness to this matter.

[Firechanter]

But more importantly, how do you find your own pack?

I have no good recipe for that; mainly writing here to let you know you're not alone.

It has a lot to do with the point you're currently at in your life. For instance, at college it's pretty easy; it gets much more difficult after entering the so called adult life.

Currently I am lucky because I have an awesome group. We meet very regularly (almost every week) and we are having lots of fun. One interesting aspect about that is that no two members of our group had ever played together before.
The group was founded by way of a Wanted ad on a RPG forum. It was in my area, so I thought I'd give it a shot. A while later, I recruited a friend of mine who had just lost her previous group, and again a few months later, we both recruited a common acquaintance who had never played pen&paper before but really wanted to give it a shot. And that's basically it.

Years ago I played in two groups that were fun while they lasted, but each fell apart at some point. After that, I didn't have any group at all for about three _years_. Those opportunities I had just didn't turn out to be a lot of fun.

I found it very difficult to get into a group that has been playing together for a long time. These people will generally have their own style, with which they are comfortable, and they have their history together and their inside jokes, and as a latecomer odds are you will always be an outsider, an intruder.

So... in my experience it is relatively easy to find players in general, but very very difficult to find players that are actually _compatible_. That have similar ideas as you about things like roleplaying, powerlevel, simulationism, stuff like that. In my current group we all are pretty much on the same page about these things, and that's awesome.

Just remember: bad gaming is worse than no gaming. You may at some point feel tempted to put up with people, playstyles and games you don't really enjoy, just to be gaming at all. My advice: don't. It just isn't worth it.

[Captnq]

Welcome to my world. Always the DM, never the player. 20+ years now. Let me know if you figure something out.

[ngilop]

Welcome to my world. Always the DM, never the player. 20+ years now. Let me know if you figure something out.

im pretty much in this boat as well.

the only time i get a decent game as a player is PbP.. and those move so slow :(

i find groups but like the current one im in the DM has literally ZERRO idea on what his campaign does or what anything at all's repercusions are or any type of planning at all.

I recommended him start with a published adventure to get the hang of 'ok this is what i should be doing; but his repsonse s some crap about stfilling his own creativity, 'but you just started playing nad do not really know the rules at least this gets creating a dungeon or what not out of the wya and they are SOO easy to slap down in whatever world you are designing just by changing soem names around'

well he is very adamnt that already published stuff is bad and his stuff is better. 1/2 th game session is him having to look up whatever stats X monster is so he cna use it against us.. sees nothing wrong throwing 20-3rd level barb orcs an 11th level wizard, ogre mage, and an iron golem at us at level 9..

but sending a shadow at us at level 7 is 'way too powerful'

then when asked something or when somebody does something out of the maybe 3 minutes he though about what he was going to do that session the game pauses againf or 30-ish minutes ( 3 minutes is my guess cuz thats about how long it takes to pull into the driveway and then walk to the house)

sorry for my rant there, but its soo aggravating i like his overall story and man i so rarely get to be a player. but just once id LOVE to play a face to face game as a player and have a blast sinetad of inwardly grunting to myself

[Catalysis]

I'm sorry for you guys.

Thanks for the advice, Firechanter,
I'll see what I can do to figure this out, Captnq.

Thank you all for the thoughts on the subject, and the advices.

[fishyfishyfishy]

Every time I see a discussion like this I become much more grateful of my own tabletop gaming situation. A large majority of my friends play D&D, and there is always a game or two going. I am DM more often than not but I prefer that most of the time. And when I feel like all of my efforts are going to waste and my game is becoming too stressful to handle, I can take a brake for a while and just enjoy playing. Part of the success of my friends and I is that we have taken great efforts introducing those who have expressed interest in the game to a fun environment and making things as friendly to new people as possible. The other part is that we're all a bunch of nerds who like fantasy rpgs.

[Catalysis]

Every time I see a discussion like this I become much more grateful of my own tabletop gaming situation. A large majority of my friends play D&D, and there is always a game or two going. I am DM more often than not but I prefer that most of the time. And when I feel like all of my efforts are going to waste and my game is becoming too stressful to handle, I can take a brake for a while and just enjoy playing. Part of the success of my friends and I is that we have taken great efforts introducing those who have expressed interest in the game to a fun environment and making things as friendly to new people as possible. The other part is that we're all a bunch of nerds who like fantasy rpgs.

Yes, DM rotation is very effective, but it's not always an option. Anyway not for me at the moment.
I'm not stressed by the multiple DMing, just confused, searching for answers.

Your group sounds like heaven on heart:)
I'm happy such a thing exists.

[Raven777]

Have you ever thought about playing over Skype and Roll20 (http://roll20.net/) with like minded people from the internet (from this very forum, even)?

[Catalysis]

Have you ever thought about playing over Skype and Roll20 (http://roll20.net/) with like minded people from the internet (from this very forum, even)?

Good question, I have witnessed such style of play. I lightly tought about it, and my conclusion was that my level of english may very well not be up to the task.

Quite frankly, I am really unsure... maybe.

I will definetly check your link, thank you.

[fishyfishyfishy]

Good question, I have witnessed such style of play. I lightly tought about it, and my conclusion was that my level of english may very well not be up to the task.

Quite frankly, I am really unsure... maybe.

I will definetly check your link, thank you.

Don't rule it out based on your ability with English. You have a pretty strong grasp of the language and I have had no difficulties understanding you. Joining such a group would help you improve your English speaking skills a great deal in addition to having fun.

[Catalysis]

Don't rule it out based on your ability with English. You have a pretty strong grasp of the language and I have had no difficulties understanding you. Joining such a group would help you improve your English speaking skills a great deal in addition to having fun.

Good point,

Search time.

[Aegis013]

I'm in a similar situation.

Generally, if my normal group plays, it's because I created a campaign and am DMing. The few times I've gotten to play 3.5, including over skype and similar media, it usually falls apart after 1 or, if I'm lucky, 2 sessions.

I've never gotten to play a 3.5 campaign to an actual sensible end. It's always been the DM simply giving up.

Now that I've graduated from college, I haven't had a 3.5 game in a long time, and the few other games I've gotten to play in (World of Darkness and a far-flung Call of Cthulhu game) crashed and burned after a session or two.

I'm starting to pursue PbP games here, but it's painful how slow they are.

[Oddman80]

I lightly thought about it, and my conclusion was that my level of english may very well not be up to the task.

Have the gaming groups you have been the dm for used something other than English? I had no clue you weren't a native English speaker. You have better Spelling and grammar than most on the forum

Honestly, just accept you're natural accent as part of your character.... Make him/her from a distant land...

[the_other_gm]

Ehhhh... unless you have a very serious problem with speaking English (like an extremely heavy accent or massive unfamiliarity with pronunciation) it shouldn't be a problem in most areas. English, and most languages really, simply take time and effort to learn some fluency.

I'm French as a first language and a slight lisp and it took me a while to get familiar with some pronunciations. Took me much longer to neuter my accent when around others but sometimes it slips. Lisp is still there though. My English spelling was much better then my actual talking of it for a long time, if only because I have spellcheck to help me along the way, lol.

I would say first go to your local game store and ask the owner/clerk what people seem to be buying or playing. If no one is stocking GURPS books and no one is asking for them, you'll probably have a hard time finding a group for GURPS. Pathfinder isn't my first choice of game but it's what we play in my area and the folks are nice and accommodating to new players.

Second, if you want to start a game, ask the store guy if you can hang up a flyer: make a google group/facebook page or something for your game if you don't want to give your phone number/email and give some basic details about the setting/power level on the sheet. This group/page/whatever creates a "hub" of sorts for communication between players/GM and generally facilitates information sharing. My group uses obsidian portal (https://www.obsidianportal.com/) a lot so any house rules, custom items and even character sheets are digitally transcribed there for ease of access. There is often at least 2 laptops and just as many tablet devices at the table so getting the information there is rather easy.

That said, I would REALLY like to play in a GURPS game IRL. Haven't played that in years :cry: and like others, pbp is too slow-paced. As for the online gametables... I really don't know. Never tried one.

[Kol Korran]

When I got back to the game (In my late twenties) I had a ruin with all kind of dysfunctional groups. Until one guy I happened to play in with on a one shot told me he's building another group. And that one quite... stuck. It had 2-3 people changing (We also have a new player now) but it had stuck for over 5 years now. A few things that helped us:
1) First thing first- good people. The playing experience is irreverent. It's the players that make up the game. Finding good players is hard, tiring and can take some time and effort, but is worth it. We have a community site where I'm from for GMes and players. Nearly all of us went through quite a few crappy players (and GMs) till we found the group, but nearly all came from the site somehow.

2) I'm the most game enthusiastic in the group. Despite that, it's important to not push my enthusiasm too much on the group. They each have their level of participation that they like, and that is fine. One players likes to prepare mostly for social scenes, but doesn't participate much in the out-of-session planning, due to a lot of RL workload. Another likes to come up with pics and edit them for the players and locations, and at times run short DMIng arcs, but these are more light hearted and improvised than mine. Another focuses mainly on tactical combat and roleplay, another just likes to come and throw dice, build strong characters which kill/ explode stuff, and otherwise just share the laughs, and so on.

This is a group's game. Not your own game. You find the middle ground to fit with the desires of all players. But also with...

3) The limitations: One of our former players left because he wanted to meet more frequently then we can. We are busy people, so we meet about once every 4-5 weeks. We had a few discussions about maybe playing more frequently but with players missing sessions. It didn't work. The group dynamics were too important for us. But this goes more than just that- who we can play with, when we can play and so on. As you don't try to push your full enthusiasm on the players, so you shouldn't push your out-of-session preferences on them. It comes to some give and take and coming up with a solution that works for people.

My main advice is that if you find the people you have fun with, then come to terms with different play styles and abilities to make the group work. They don't need all be supper thrilled game junkies. You'd be surprised by some awesome games you might have with them. Work out the differences, if the basic person appeals to you, and is a group player.

I keep logs of my gaming group's different campaigns, (In the sig if interested) most from the GM's perspective. While they mostly deal with in game matters (Encounter design and so on) there is a fair bit about dealing with group issues.

[Catalysis]

@Oddman80: Allright, I will give it a shot:)

@the_other_gm: I will definetly try this, I never would have thought it was so simple :S

@Kol Korran: Interesting. I'm always glad to read campaign log, and your's are no exception. Thanks for the advice.

[Magesmiley]

The short answer is that it has varied a lot over the years. I've been doing D&D off and on for over thirty years now, with me in the DM's seat mostly.

Finding players is hard. Finding players that fit with your play style is event harder. It takes time, a lot of time.

I've found that there seems to be a sort of critical mass of 4-5 players. You need at least that many consistent, regular players for the group to really gel and hold together. If you've got less than that, the group doesn't usually hold together. Once you've got that many, it becomes a lot easier, as others will tend to want to join.

Age, as others have mentioned makes a difference. High school and younger tend to have more time, but also tend to be the least committed. College age to the early twenties tend to have decent commitment and still a fair bit of time. Older players tend to be more committed, but have less time. This isn't absolute, but seems to be the trend I've observed. There will be exceptions - a high school player who consistently shows up to game is not to be overlooked. A player's ability to commit to playing regular is very important to forming that core group of players.

Where you live seems to make a difference also. Some parts of the country and other demographics favor a greater concentration of gamers. I work in the software community, for example, which has a very large proportion of gamers. Larger cities tend to have more gamers as well. If you're in a small, blue-collar community, the odds favor having less gamers to draw from.

Where to find players? Local game stores are a great place to start. The owners/workers often know of games and also people looking for gaming groups. Attend a local game conventions. You can meet new players there, plus they tend to be a lot of fun (and a great opportunity to play).

Family is another potential source of players. My sister and brothers played when I was younger, and one even plays in my current group. Married couples also can work - often when a person games their spouse does too. Kids can be an option as well. My current group started when my oldest daughter was old enough to play, and has been running more or less for over ten years now.

Keep in contact with players from former groups. Particularly if there are one or more players who stand out as being fun to game with. If you form a new group later on, invite them to join. They might surprise you and accept.

Online is kind of hit and miss. If you do form a group from online that is meeting in real life, I do recommend meeting at a neutral location, such as a local game store, to play. At least until you know the people.


Vary your games some. Not everyone plays RPGs exclusively. You may find some acceptable compromises with other games. I've had groups that met regularly to just play board games. Even my hardcore D&D group takes a break and does something lighter now and then.

Tailor the times to meet the players availability and preferences. Some groups like a monthly session where they play all day. Others, such as my current one, prefer a weekly game that lasts two or three hours. Different groups have different preferences. Make sure that yours matches up. Having people whose attention span doesn't match up with how long the game runs can seriously turn people off.

Also take a break when you're burned out from DMing. I've done this before, with the breaks being anywhere from a few weeks to a year. If you're burned out, the game isn't fun for you, which makes it not fun for everyone else usually.

I hope that this helps some.

[Catalysis]

The short answer is that it has varied a lot over the years. I've been doing D&D off and on for over thirty years now, with me in the DM's seat mostly.

Finding players is hard. Finding players that fit with your play style is event harder. It takes time, a lot of time.

I've found that there seems to be a sort of critical mass of 4-5 players. You need at least that many consistent, regular players for the group to really gel and hold together. If you've got less than that, the group doesn't usually hold together. Once you've got that many, it becomes a lot easier, as others will tend to want to join.

Age, as others have mentioned makes a difference. High school and younger tend to have more time, but also tend to be the least committed. College age to the early twenties tend to have decent commitment and still a fair bit of time. Older players tend to be more committed, but have less time. This isn't absolute, but seems to be the trend I've observed. There will be exceptions - a high school player who consistently shows up to game is not to be overlooked. A player's ability to commit to playing regular is very important to forming that core group of players.

Where you live seems to make a difference also. Some parts of the country and other demographics favor a greater concentration of gamers. I work in the software community, for example, which has a very large proportion of gamers. Larger cities tend to have more gamers as well. If you're in a small, blue-collar community, the odds favor having less gamers to draw from.

Where to find players? Local game stores are a great place to start. The owners/workers often know of games and also people looking for gaming groups. Attend a local game conventions. You can meet new players there, plus they tend to be a lot of fun (and a great opportunity to play).

Family is another potential source of players. My sister and brothers played when I was younger, and one even plays in my current group. Married couples also can work - often when a person games their spouse does too. Kids can be an option as well. My current group started when my oldest daughter was old enough to play, and has been running more or less for over ten years now.

Keep in contact with players from former groups. Particularly if there are one or more players who stand out as being fun to game with. If you form a new group later on, invite them to join. They might surprise you and accept.

Online is kind of hit and miss. If you do form a group from online that is meeting in real life, I do recommend meeting at a neutral location, such as a local game store, to play. At least until you know the people.


Vary your games some. Not everyone plays RPGs exclusively. You may find some acceptable compromises with other games. I've had groups that met regularly to just play board games. Even my hardcore D&D group takes a break and does something lighter now and then.

Tailor the times to meet the players availability and preferences. Some groups like a monthly session where they play all day. Others, such as my current one, prefer a weekly game that lasts two or three hours. Different groups have different preferences. Make sure that yours matches up. Having people whose attention span doesn't match up with how long the game runs can seriously turn people off.

Also take a break when you're burned out from DMing. I've done this before, with the breaks being anywhere from a few weeks to a year. If you're burned out, the game isn't fun for you, which makes it not fun for everyone else usually.

I hope that this helps some.

[currently taking notes]
Thanks, not all of what you are suggesting is possible for me, but I can addapt. Great ideas, and advices.

[Arc_knight25]

I've been quite fortunate. A lot of my friends play DnD, my g/f also enjoys playing, has played in the past and is playing in a campaign I am currently in.

I was kind of in the same boat at one point. A friend and I were looking for a regular group. I looked into it and there was a DnD night at the comic book store I was going to. I offered to him and we both went. We played in a campaign (3.5) for maybe 2-3weeks before 4th ed came out and that's when all the groups turned to 4th. We kept going, we kind of enjoyed 4th in its simplicity.

We then met up with 2 older guys (in there 40's we would be in our early 20's) They invited us to there Monday game that they had at a friends house.

Needless to say, we are still playing every Monday the core has stayed the same for the most part but, some people have come and gone. (Some gone because there was a divorce in there) but for the most part we would gladly have any player come back in.

So all in all, Look around at comic book stores, they normally have a games night, may it be Warhammer, Magic the Gathering, etc. You'd be surprised. Call around to different hobby stores/comic books stores talk to owners or clerks, they should be able to network you in to someone who has a game and hopefully its some one you can get along with well and play well with too.

Just this winter I went back for a couple of Tuesdays because I was looking for another game to play. Went for a few months playing 4th ed, showed the youngin's how to RP a bit, had a lot of fun, and met some nice people.



I finally found another game with another group of players, that the Monday DM was a player in. Different system but still a lot of fun (We play Anima, among a lot of other RPG'S)