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View Full Version : DM Help Session scheduling issues and DM Greivances



lytokk
2014-06-25, 10:17 AM
So, as the DM of a 3.5 game that has been going on since last September, I've been noticing a few things from some of my players, but this is more of a general issue with session scheduling than actual game mechanics so into the General RP Games section it goes.

There's currently 6 people in the group, 3 sets of couples with me as the DM and my wife as a player. I guess I'll designate couples to keep this easy. Couple A would be me and my wife, Couple B would be our friends who's house we play at, and couple C would be my brother and his fiancee. Couple C is constantly unable to make time for the game. Recently, we've been lucky if we got to play once a month. I understand that real life can get in the way, but I just feel like if you want to play you can make time. My wife and me don't have much going on most weekends, preferring to play them by ear. Couple B really doesn't have much going on except their baby, which is why we play at their house to accommodate.

As the DM, I've spent quite a bit of time planning out a story for the game, a lot more than any of the players realize, a lot of it being helped on by the population of this forum. Every time C can't find a way to schedule a game it feels like I'm being slighted. Like all of my work is completely unappreciated, and I'm supposed to work around their schedules.

Couple C has never begun to initiate a scheduling conversation, its always been someone else. Usually me, but B has brought it up. We were originally going to play on an every other week schedule, but that ended up getting thrown out. Originally going to play at night, but that had to be changed to accommodate couple C's social schedule. I'm about at the end of my rope. My wife enjoys playing the game, and couple B really loves the game, and loves where the story is going.

I have found out that even though couple C can't find time for my game, they've recently started playing in another game run by another brother of mine, who's gaming circle I fell out of when I stopped participating in the LARP he was running. I also moved quite a distance away at the time, so I'm not sure which factor was the defining factor here, but his circle is comprised of people who participate and run the LARPs, so while it might not be a factor, it might be. Either way, I don't know how much they've actually played, but I get the feeling its been a lot more often than my game.

I know I need to approach couple C about my concerns, but I'm not sure how to do it without seeming overly confrontational. Currently, I sent a message out to everyone involved on when to schedule the next game, and have recieved no response from couple C, in 3 days. Couple B and my wife and I have discussed starting a second game where someone else would DM and I would play, and would do this on weeks couple C can't make it, but frankly, I don't know if C is even interested anymore.

valadil
2014-06-25, 10:36 AM
Scheduling sucks and it's rather unfortunate that it often falls on the GM's already overburdened shoulders.

My advice is to skip it. Play the game on a recurring schedule instead of trying to find time each and every session. When you have an established schedule, players will know to keep that third Saturday of the month open.

I'm so opinionated about this that I invite players on the basis of their availability. When I start a game, I ask them who is up for an every other friday game and I go with those players.

It's not perfect. There will be times you have to reschedule or cancel. But I'd much rather do that once in a while than every single game session.

Altair_the_Vexed
2014-06-25, 10:41 AM
Do you have contingency plans for when a player can't make it to a session? You know, an agreed way to deal with the absence of that player?
In my group, when one player can't make it, then the rest of the player group handles their character. One person looks after the management of the character sheet (spells cast, potions used, etc), but everyone chips in with suggestions. As the GM, I have the option to veto anything the players come up with if I reckon it's out of character for that PC.

Second thing - do both members of the couple have to attend, or neither will show up? It might be helpful if C1 can't make it, then C2 still shows up. That would mean that you'd only be missing one player, rather than 2 - and a contingency could be put into place to let you carry on playing.

Incidently, you might find that one or other half of this couple is the one who has other obligations most often - it might be worth looking into whether they really want to be there, or if they're just being part of a couple and aren't really keen.
I've had to have the conversation before - "I like that you come and play, but I can see you can't commit regularly, so how about we make you more of a guest star for when you can make it?"

cobaltstarfire
2014-06-25, 11:20 AM
I think you should just straight up tell them next time they are a no show, that next time you're just going to play without them. Explain that everyone wants to play, and it's not right that they should have to wait up constantly.

I would personally make the secondary game for when couple C is around, rather than for the times when couple C isn't. But either way would probably work.

Jornophelanthas
2014-06-25, 11:29 AM
My advice would be to approach Couple C (preferably just your brother first) and ask them whether the game is currently working out for them, due to them being unable to confirm the proposed game sessions. Then see what he/they will respond.

The way to not make this confrontational consists of making this about them and their needs, and not about you and yours. It could be that they want something out of a game that your current campaign is unable to provide in (through no fault of your own). It could be that there is bad chemistry between Couple B and Couple C, and you don't know it. It could be that they simply have a very unpredictable schedule. There could be yet another problem that I couldn't make up right here as an example. A one-on-one (or one-on-two) talk should clear this up.

When you know what is the problem, you can start thinking towards solutions.
If the campaign is unfulfilling for them, you could consider adjusting it, or they could consider adjusting their expectations. Or you could start playing a different campaign (while you save the current campaign for Couples A and B only).
If there is bad chemistry among your players (and you didn't know it), see if anything can be done to clear things up. If so, great. If not, perhaps it's best to let Couple C go from this campaign.
If their schedule is hectic and doesn't coincide with yours, see if you can work something out, like fix the third Saturday of every month in everyone's agenda (like another poster already suggested).
If there is another problem, try to find another solution that could work for that problem.

Regardless, this does not have to be about bad feelings. This is very likely not about them slighting you, because most likely they don't even know how much time you spend in preparing the game. So do not make it about that. Also, if their interest is waning, this is neither a failure on your part, nor malicious intent on theirs. You feeling bad about them cancelling a session is understandable, but you placing blame with them is not rational.
Also, don't drag their participation in your other brother's game into the discussion. Whether they like that campaign or not (and whether or not they prefer it over yours) appears to be one of your hang-ups, and not one of theirs. Keep the conversation about them and their enjoyment in your game, and they will likely tell you if there is any underlying issue that could be addressed to improve the situation.

lytokk
2014-06-25, 11:32 AM
Contingency plans would be good, but everyone takes their character sheet with them when they leave. The problem has been with Couple C, if one of them can't make it, the feeling is the game is called off. In a story/plot driven game, it saves a lot of effort on having to catch up the player on what happened. Currently drafting a message to send to all the players to see if we can actually get the game planned at any point in the near future, or if its best to just let it go.

I've never wanted to plan a session knowing that someone couldn;t make it, as it feels like I would be straight out excluding them, but this is just getting to be such a hassle I barely feel like running the game anymore.

Edit* I never intended to drag their participation in the other game into a discussion, but there's some murky waters between me and the other brother regarding certain things which makes me overly sensitive to things regarding him, especially when it comes to gaming.

Mastikator
2014-06-25, 11:42 AM
Play without them?

Why is this a foreign concept to so many groups? If one or two players can't make it, just play without them, don't make the whole group suffer on the account of one or two players?

Knaight
2014-06-25, 11:52 AM
First order of business here: Scheduling is horrible in general, and this is precisely why I tend to keep my games small (though having couples in them simplifies scheduling immensely). It's the sort of thing that generally will be an issue.

My typical solution is having multiple games. This only really works up to a point - it sounds like you have two groups that show up, AB and ABC, which is in the manageable territory. If you have, for instance ABCDE, ABCD, ABCE, ACDE, ABC, ABD, ABE, ACE, and ACD as groups that show up (and that's a 5 person group), running 9 games is not even remotely feasible.

WarKitty
2014-06-25, 11:58 AM
I think you need to institute an absences policy. Talk to couple C and say that having them constantly miss is really disrupting the game. Tell them you need them to be making most of the sessions because otherwise it's disrupting the rest of y'all's fun. Say if they can't make it you'd rather just play the main story on your own and maybe they can show up on occasion.

SethoMarkus
2014-06-25, 12:25 PM
Just ask Couple C if they are interested in playing in the campaign anymore. If they are, great, then ask them what sort of schedule works best for them. Explain that everyone else is eager to play and would like to continue at a somewhat regular schedule. If they are not interested, then thank them for their initial interest and let them know that you'll find a way to remove them from the game without disturbing the story too greatly. Let them know that they are welcome to join back in at any time, as long as they are able to commit to a regular schedule.

Phoenixguard09
2014-06-25, 12:34 PM
To begin with, I run my current game as exceptionally story-based. And as far as I'm concerned, it ruins the plot to have main characters dropping out every second session or so, so if a player can't make it to one of our sessions we postpone it by a week. We have five players currently and while we've not played as often as we might have liked over the least two and a half years, we've still had over ten sessions on a rough once-per-month schedule.

I'd love to play more often, but I refuse to compromise the integrity of the story because of unreliability from my players. Luckily, they're pretty good and up until this year it's worked out great. This year both my sister and myself have become far busier on weekends which has caused issues scheduling wise, but we've found a way around that, to the point that we may even be able to play on an even more regular basis than we were before.

But none of this is particularly helpful for you I guess, but that's okay because I'm not finished. :smalltongue:

We're looking at adding another player, bringing our group up to 7. So far, she has proven quite unreliable but, conflictingly, a very good player and reasonably likeable. The worst part is that she has put a fair it of effort into creating her character.

She was supposed to join the party last weekend but made other plans instead despite knowing a month in advance that we planned to play on Saturday.

Now I would normally just say no outright at being snubbed like that. It makes no difference to the group now, but once she joins then I need to treat her the same as I would any of the other players. And if one of them told me they weren't available for an upcoming session, I would postpone the game. But as she is so unreliable, in many areas and not just what she did last weekend, I don't particularly want to run the risk of her character joining the story and then causing huge delays between sessions as it is likely that this behaviour will continue.

This would be an absolute shame because I really do think that she would make an excellent addition to the party.

Anyway, as I see it I have two options.
1: Tell her my concerns and deliver an ultimatum. That she needs to take it seriously and commit or I can't have her play.
2: Have her join and then discuss with her at the end of every session where her character disappears to when it finishes if she can't make the next one.

Neither are completely satisfactory for me, but perhaps you can obtain some guidance from my options.

Cheers,

lytokk
2014-06-25, 01:03 PM
Just an update, me and the players have been having a discussion via facebook, and are trying to hammer out a more regular schedule. It may not be as often as I want, which would be every other weekend, but we're going to shoot for once a month. Planning on the 3rd saturday of every month and using the 2nd as a backup in addition to crafting some contingency plans in case someone can't make it.

Thanks for all the advice, I really appreciate it, and it seems I may have just been a little too sensitive regarding my own little insecurities.

Airk
2014-06-25, 02:45 PM
Just an update, me and the players have been having a discussion via facebook, and are trying to hammer out a more regular schedule. It may not be as often as I want, which would be every other weekend, but we're going to shoot for once a month. Planning on the 3rd saturday of every month and using the 2nd as a backup in addition to crafting some contingency plans in case someone can't make it.

Thanks for all the advice, I really appreciate it, and it seems I may have just been a little too sensitive regarding my own little insecurities.

Glad you found something that worked (or at least, looks like it's going to.) But a question. Why not run ANOTHER GAME (that doesn't involve couple C at all) on the 4th/1st weekend of the month? This gets you more gaming, and no one feels slighted. It even gives you a chance to maybe try out a different game or something if you want because your other one is still going.

lytokk
2014-06-25, 02:57 PM
Oh, we're still going to do that. The husband from the other couple got really excited when I was voicing frustrations to him and said "we might as well start up another game without them." I'm looking forward to playing again, for the first time in 7 years, and now I get to play alongside my wife.

We're currently working out the mechanics of his world. He doesn't know 3.5 as well as I do since he created it using AD&D, but we're having mercy on my wife in having to learn a second system. He does the story, and I back him up with rules when needed.

BWR
2014-06-25, 03:05 PM
Play without them?

Why is this a foreign concept to so many groups? If one or two players can't make it, just play without them, don't make the whole group suffer on the account of one or two players?

Indeed. All groups I play with and know of in person work on the basis that so long as you have a GM and a minimum number of players, the game is on. Finding time that works for everyone will often result in far too long going between sessions.

Phoenixguard09
2014-06-25, 09:54 PM
Glad to see you've sorted something out. ;)

Happy gaming,

elliott20
2014-06-27, 09:52 AM
My advice is to skip it. Play the game on a recurring schedule instead of trying to find time each and every session. When you have an established schedule, players will know to keep that third Saturday of the month open.

this is how my group handles it. Every Thursday, we meet at the same place.

we have enough people that we generally will never be short on players. The dropping in and dropping out situation is trickier. A lot of us in this group have children/wives/obligations that prevent us from showing up consistently. (myself included)

To handle this, we do several things:

1. one-shots: 50% of the stuff we play are one-shot games, with quick-gen characters that we can drop in and out of game quickly. This means that every player at the table will be coming at this fresh

2. pre-game commitments: we do SOME campaign games. But in general, we try to keep it pretty short. (Maybe 6 sessions at most) Even getting this together can be difficult at times, so we generally try to set a schedule for it before hand, and get commitments from people. i.e. "for the next 12 sessions, we will be switching on and off between the campaign ever other session. This being a campaign, we need a solid commitment or else it will be hard to reconcile the gaps. So, if you show, you play. You don't, you get left behind." Generally, with something like this, the people who know themselves and are honest with their own schedules will opt to stay out of the campaign or only play NPCs when they do show up. This is what I did for a number of campaigns.

3. play games with drop-in mechanics: a lot of games allow for players to drift in and out of focus very quickly. We do this often, and we often play episodic games where the story is more or less contained in a single session. Games like Monster Hearts is perfect for this sort of thing.