Tricked Out Wagon

[FalcorTheWizard]

Hello wizards of the dice, optimizers, and creative rule benders,

I have a question. A task, if you will, a noble undertaking fit for only the fittest fit people.

I recognize that bases are hardly optimized in play and that they are rarely (if ever) the best option for your money. Yet I was curious. Let's say there is a traveling wizard -- he doesn't buy magic items -- instead, his gold goes to tricking out his wagon. How tricked out could it be made? How amazingly awesome (yet probably incredibly useless) could one make this mobile testament of opulence?

Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you now:

Pimp.
My.
Wagon.

Let the games begin.

[Piggy Knowles]

Step one: Take the Leadership feat, and pick up a cohort named KITT.
Step two: Get your cohort to complete the ritual to become necropolitan.
Step three: Lift your cohort's immunity to energy drain somehow (spark of life does the trick).
Step four: Temporarily level-drain your cohort down to 9 HD.
Step five: Cast haunt shift on your cohort, and have him haunt the wagon.

[CryptbornAkryea]

Avoid the cohort named KARR for the aforementioned intelligent vehicle!

[Captain Kablam]

Step Seven: Tell Val Kilmer to go to hell.

[Piggy Knowles]

Might want to make KITT a warlock, so your wagon can fire lasers.

[KindOfGoodGuy]

If all else fails, you could use Polymorph Any Object to turn it into a Corvette. On top of that, you could enchant it with the Fly spell. Finally, Give it the ability to use Plane Shift whenever you want. And congrats! You are now the proud owner of a flying, plane shifting corvette. Have fun!

[Doorhandle]

Animated object is the simplest method, although perhaps not the most powerful.

Pathfinder lets you build such objects and thus make them more powerful than the default spell, so try that. I'd recommend bioconstruct (brain) so that it can use feats and accompanying cheeses.

It also has rules and stats for a heavy chariots, which is (kind of) a wagon and has it's own ballista. If your D.M won't brick you for it, you could use shrink item to fit more cannons on there. You could also use other vehicles if you wish and just say they're "wagons"

A simple way to make a wagon more tricked out would be to change what's pulling it. As you level up, continue putting bigger and more mythical beasts on it. after all, a golden chariot is less badass then a golden chariot pulled by pegisai, which in turn is less badass than an armed one made of adamantine pulled by half-fiendish dinosaurs.

edit: on that note I'm vaguely sure a construct can use magic items. If so be sure to get IT magic items.

[avr]

If it fits your sense of decor, animate the skeleton of something big and build a howdah on it or inside its ribcage.

Alternately there's the TARDIS solution, if you're high enough level. Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/magesMagnificentMansion.htm) with the entry portal being a door into the wagon.

A thoroughly charmed, dominated or even just bribed advanced mimic (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/mimic.htm) with at least 11 HD gives you the option of changing your wagon's look whenever you (or the mimic) feel like it.

[Nibbens]

Get anyone with good craft skills and craft sharp spears/blades all over the dang thing. Spiked horse armor etc. Go riding through enemy encampments like hell on wheels, literally!

[MrSinister]

Achieve level 6, take Leadership, and then get Gazebo Jones (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=9823824&postcount=132) as your cohort. He makes a wonderful wagon, if need be...

[Segev]

Don't forget to give the steeds pulling it Horseshoes of the Zephyr, and to use Floating Disks to support the wagon. (Alternatively, pay for some of those self-same Horseshoes, but claim they're wheels.) Smoothest ride ever, and can go over liquids as easily as solids.

[Biffoniacus_Furiou]

1. Automatic reset magical traps (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/traps.htm#magicDeviceTrapCost). Make one that activates Heroics when touched, another that activates Protection from Energy, another for Repair Light Damage, one for Mage Armor, etc.

2. Put ten chains attached to the wagon at one end, with the other end of each one within reach of each of the above traps. Also attach several quite long chains on the outside of it.

3. Animate Objects + Permanency to make the wagon an animated object. It can use the chains from 2. as limbs, and use the eight to touch the traps from 1. to activate them. Give it a tower shield (or four) and it can use the Heroics trap to gain proficiency with them. It can use the shield to give itself and anyone aboard cover from one (or more) direction when needed. The wagon can use the chains from 2. to touch the traps in 1. to activate them, granting itself buffs, heals, etc. every round.