[3.5e] The Quest to Not Suck | Chapter 1: Custodians of Vorponath

[ColdCoffee]

As our story begins, you and everyone within the Archmage's Sanctum are ecstatic. The archmage and his inner circle successfully developed a brand new device, the VOILA, that can spontaneously create food and water on a large scale, much larger than what individual wizards and sorcerors are capable of. The implications are countless! Starvation will never be an issue ever again! Whole settlements could be supported regardless of geography or resources! Civilization could thrive under the worst circumstances! Gladiatorial arena tailgate parties will be ever more awesome!

You and your fellow janitors have known about the VOILA for some time, cleaning up the unnameables that had been spewing from this machine for the last several months (feces, kittens, kitten feces). For being all-knowledgable, all powerful masters of the arcane, making an artifact manufacture something as simple as a cup of water seemed to be outside their grasp until now. It's nice to see they finally got it right.

Exhilarated by their accomplishments, the archmage and his closest advisors are oblivious to the fact that a sinister force is approaching their plane.
Early early one morning, You and your fellow janitors are still asleep in your quarters when suddenly you are shaken awake. Large audible thuds can be heard from all about the archmage's lair.. You hear fellow staff shrieking in terror from beyond your dormitory door, crying out "We're trapped! They're gonna kill us!"

You are then startled by the sound of an alarm. Breaking through it, a frightened amplified female voice begins shouting that the Archmage's realm is being attacked by unknown intruders. The voice is cut abrubtly, as is the alarm, soon overtakn by the cold din of silence.

You hear the voice of the archmage. You know this voice very well, as he's been a very annoying micromanager of your line of work for the past three months. "This is the archmage!" He says. "We're blowing up this sanctum skyhigh! 15 minutes everyone! Get out while you can! We'll open all auxilary portals as long as possible, as well as the...um...experimental ones..."

By this point, lights embedded in the marble walls around you are flashing red. You know this could only mean that all living things now within this large sanctum were most likely going to die soon.
Looks like some survival is in order! Better find a way out of the sanctum! Not sure what to do? PM me for suggestions.

[Vhaidara]

Gaius Hendrickson leaps from his bed
I can't die here! I never got to say goodbye to Walker!
He immediately runs towards the door.

[Muja]

Nhilaere ignores the panicking human, as if running through the halls unprepared was going to solve anything. Looking about the room, the drow searched for anything that could be of use in her escape.

If it requires a Search Roll here you go. The +2 is from being an elf
[roll0]

[ColdCoffee]

Nhilaere spots a series of janitorial equipment in the room. An endless supply of brooms, mops, and buckets. You also have two portable trashcans and two 2 gallon jugs of bleach. If you were really desparate, which you are, they could prove to be somewhat decent improvised weapons.

The only other items that belong to your body are the pillows and mattresses by which you rest upon.

[Orderic]

Rukbat, the young human rolls out of his bed.

Ouch! Uh... wait, did he say blow up?! We have to get out!

Panicked he stands up as quickly as he can and runs toward the door.

Brown hair, green eyes, a bit naive and talks endlessly about the things he has seen wizards do. Some people might nickname him "farmboy", due to his origin.

[Rhysandphal]

Hopping out of bed, and massaging his familiar ache, Gilded Grom yells after Gaius and Rukbat.

Don't Go running off alone! If we stick together, we can use each other as shields! Oh... I mean, We can help each other!

Grom grabs the longest broom he can find ([roll0] search if required.) then heads to the doorway, hefting his broom in Nhilaere's direction and nodding to the hallway before ducking through.

Wait up you two! there might be something to clean on the way out!

[Muja]

Nhilaere chuckles darkly at the materials available to her.

Wonderful...Well let us make do with what we have I suppose

Breaking one on the broom shafts off from the end to form a makeshift weapon. Grabbing a jug of bleach into her other hand, The woman frowned as another of her fellow janitors ran out the door.

Well hopefully they distract whatever's here for a few moments..

Sighing, Nhilaere hurried outside of the room to see what the situation was like

[Orderic]

Coming to an aprupt stop, Rukbat turns half around.

Wait. Do we need...

Then he pauses for a second, listening to the screams.

Uh.. Right. Weapons.

He grabs a mop and then continues running towards the door.

[Vhaidara]

Gaius looks back
I wasn't going out, I was going to look! Toss me one of those brooms!
He keeps muttering to himself
There has got to be something in my contract about hazard pay or injuries on the job or stress related illness!

[Rhysandphal]

I, uh... don't suppose anyone knows where one of the portals is, huh? I'm not picky. Experimental is fine with me.

Gilded Grom comes to a stop and looks round, frowning.

unless it goes to the plane of explosions.... i suppose that would be a downgrade.


spot check:[roll0] to see if there's anything around worth noting.

[OMG PONIES]

Milo

While the others had been shaken awake by all the commotion, Milo had already been awake and staring at the bunk above him for the better part of three hours. It had been one of those nights, with unrelenting nightmares yielding only to the unrelenting headache he now faced. With all the strength he can muster, he forces his tiny frame off the bottom bunk and hops to the ground. He scratches a hand through his auburn hair to give it his signature "elegantly dissheveled" look. When he looks to the rest of the group, his pale blue eyes sparkle from their station three feet off the ground. Milo liked to think of himself as "genetically halfling but all man," as he liked to remind anyone that would listen.

Since he had already been awake, his mind was already racing with ways to collect the most supplies. The scrappy young lad waddles toward the supplies and grabs one of the two portable trashcans. "Work smatter, not harder, chums," he titters to nobody in particular. "Someone grab the other tosser and follow suit, savvy?" Without bothering to explain what he's doing, the halfling youth stacks a few of the buckets. He then places the last jug of bleach inside the top bucket and tucks the whole works into the trashcan, all the way down at its bottom. Then, he stuffs the trashcan full of as many brooms as he can muster, bristles up. The end result is a quiver full of broom arrows that is comically mis-sized to the little man nearly climbing the side of the trashcan to place them within. "Whatever bloke decided to put wheels on these things is a bleedin' genius!" Milo continues his running narrative. "Definitely knew the rules of The Game, that one--at least the ones that could make him a proper coin or two. Let's nip off, now. Place is like a maze, which makes us the rats. Anyone remember where the archmage keeps his cheese? Someone outside, I'm hoping by the racket, aye?"

[roll0] to find the same supplies listed above
[roll1] to determine the layout of the archmage's place and remember an exit
[roll2] (racial bonus)
[roll3] (racial bonus & DEX, -20 penalty for running)
[roll4]

As the others charge blindly out of the dormitory, Milo follows suit. As he runs, his halfling instincts for stealth kick in, and he can't suppress the urge to attempt creeping on his tiptoes at a full sprint while pushing a trashcan full of brooms, buckets, and bleach. The results are as spectacular as one could imagine; the wastebin clatters loudly as a bum wheel drags and flaps against the friction of being pushed. Milo squints his eyes and perks up his ears to make out what surprise might be waiting for them this time, hoping beyond hope that it was just an overabundance of kitten dung. But given his recent stroke of good luck, he was willing to wager that there was something far more unlucky in store for them than feline feces. That was how The Game of Life balanced itself out.

[Vhaidara]

Gaius suddenly remembers something, and darts back to his bunk. He grabs a large, black-bound tome from under his pillow. It was visible before he lifted the pillow. That kind of large. Then he runs out, chasing the deranged halfling.
Come back you crazy midget!

[ColdCoffee]

The group moves cautiously, with all their equipment handy, outside the janitor quarters and into the next room.

You find yourselves in the Grand Archives and Treasury of the Sanctum. An interesting display of floating automatons and constructs (none of which anyone knows how to operate) are provided for study by those with the proper arcane ability.

The room itself is rather large, with the ceiling almost impossible to see with the naked eye.

In the middle of the room you see a silver golem standing by idly (or is it standing idly by?). You've seen it work before. It's purpose was to retrieve and return various coffers from the "storage realm." It currently isn't holding any coffers.

Unfortunately for all of you, this is the only room you were allowed to clean. The rest of the sanctum is a complete and utter mystery. The fact that they needed that many janitors for just one room speaks volumes on mages and wasteful spending.

Beyond the golem is a hallway that leads further into the sanctum. Above the entry into the hallway is a sign that says "Teleporter Station --> Research Platform / Portal Platform.

Fortunately there are no sign of any "invaders" in this room.

You can choose to look around the room or move along. 14:30 remaining.

[Vhaidara]

Gaius quickly reads to sign, and yells, pointing forward with his broom
This way everyone!
And he charges towards the exit.

[Muja]

Nhilaere sighs as she looks over the books as she follows the loud one, scanning for any particularly valuable books before moving on to the hallway.

Such a waste...

Roll for looking through the books briefly:
Search: [roll0]
Also detecting any secret doors as a passive skill

[Rhysandphal]

Gilded Grom quickly sprints through the room towards.... t..towards.... He slows down, stops, and looks around with a shrug.

I mean, the base is gonna blow anyway....

With a slight chuckle, he begins to do a quick search for things small enough to take and things to make a sturdier last resort weapon.


[roll0]
[roll1]
if you want the rolls to be two separate ones, the first if for small lootables, the second for arms.

[Blade Conduit]

Hash is stuck in the same nightmare that he has most nights. The flames tickle his toes as the laughter echoes through his brain. Then slowly the laughter changes to a siren of sorts and a loud booming voice saying something about an explosion. Hash realizes hes awake and opens his eyes to the pandemonium taking place all around him. With his various living companions running around and grabbing various janitorial accoutrements.

"Was there another cat poo explosion? I thought they fixed that thing finally.."

He stands up and wanders over to grab a mop. "I think I still have some of that cleaner we mixed together last time."

He looks around and for the first time realizes that quite possibly something worse than two metric tons of feline excrement might be going on.

"uhh did I miss something?"

[ColdCoffee]

Nothing really seems to stand out. There are various essays on the different schools of magic, but from the abstracts shown they are only stating which one kicks ass the most. You both come across multiple copies of the same book. "Deities for Dummies -- Everything About Vorponath Gods And More! Earn Your Clergy Certification in 3 Weeks! Learn How to Appease Even the Mightiest of Gods! Verpernerper, Lolth, Redav, and Bahamut Himself! " Various caricatures of the gods are depicted on the cover. Indeed, whoever did this art was worthy of some divine smiting.
"

[Rhysandphal]

Grabbing a copy of deities for dummies and a random magic essay as souvenirs, Gilded Grom follows after Gaius.

[Orderic]

Upon coming into the big room, Rukbat lets his eyes wander for a moment, before grabbing the most interesting looking object he can seen, before running onward, following Gaius.

1d20If there are books ore similar things lying around, I'll grab one that is both near and the title of which is at least somewhat interesting.

[OMG PONIES]

Milo

Milo isn't interested in stopping for a quick read, especially while the words of the archmage are ringing in his head. Instead, he continues pushing his portable trashcan full of makeshift weapons along the floor. The tip of his tongue juts out of the corner of his mouth with a look of rugged determination fixed on his face. Underfoot, the lazy wheel continues its protest.

SKRITskritskritskritskritskrit

It takes four of Milo's steps to match one of his companion's, so he waddles with furious speed and still manages to hold up the rear of the line. "So long, Shiny!" he calls back over his shoulder to the silver golem, using a nickname he had affectionately bequeathed upon the golem.

[roll0]

[ColdCoffee]

Some of you grab keepsakes along thing bookshelves for the sake of "hey they're going to blow up anyway" and continue down the hallway towards the teleporter station. The silver golem doesn't do even so much as to acknowledge your departure. After all the time you shared!

You continue down a seemingly endless hallway, rounding corner after corner. The glowing lights are still glowing brightly. Finally you arrive at a teleport station. It looks like a giant salad bowl. A magic salad bowl. An iron staircase ascends to the top of the platoform. Judging from the inscriptions on the walls, the teleporter would send you deeper into the sanctum. It reads "Research Platform / Portal Platform."

You also see three dead human mages along the outskirts of the room. It looks like they died defending themselves. Unfortunately from a first glance their gender is indistinguishable, given the charred skin and everything...What did this?

Roll a listen check. You can choose to PM the roll to me or include it in your next post!

[Vhaidara]

Gaius attempts to grab Milo and hold him up as a shield upon seeing the bodies.

You can't make rolls in PMs.
Listen: [roll0]

[Rhysandphal]

So, uh... Who wants to do the honors?
Gilded Grom gestures towards the dead body and grins slightly while looking around at his co-workers. Something occurs to him and the grin fades.
I'm not gonna have to be the one who....? *Sigh* I"m gonna have to be the one who checks the body, aren't I.

Gilded Grom sighs again, takes a moment to try and soothe his lower back, and tries to make his way to the body quietly.

[roll0]
[roll1]
[roll2]

[Muja]

Nhilaere, choosing to stay in the center of the group of running lesser races, is torn at seeing the charred bodies of the once-proud magi. They were incredibly rude to us, to her especially, but on the other hand nobody deserved such a gruesome death.

A pity, it truly is..

Listen Check: [roll0]

[Orderic]

They're... dead? But what could have done this?

Nervously Rukbat looks around, clutching the pages of the essay he grabbed (Definitive Diary Diagnosing Divination) with a shaking hand to his chest.

Hey, Listen! [roll0]

[Orderic]

And apparently using preview on a post also causes the dice not to work. Either that or I'm cursed.

Anyway, I'll just roll it here...

[roll0]

[Rhysandphal]

Gilded Grom turns towards the sound he heard, broom hefted and key clutched tightly.

There's something coming He whispers, trying to catch a glimpse of the source of the sound. I found a key for the silver golem. We might be able to make a run for it, if this thing's here to kill us.
Gilded Grom takes a forlorn glance at Jarvis, who always had a tip for dealing with his back pain.
Maybe we can even use the golem for some revenge on the way out.


[roll0]
low light vision and darkvision 30 if it matters.

[Muja]

Its Certainly an option, but right now we have bigger problems

Nhilaere gazes back from where they came from, her superior vision obviously a boon to finding their pursuers.


Spot Check: [roll0]
Darkvision 120ft
Also Preparing an action to throw the bottle of bleach at anyone that comes down the hall that looks hostile.

[Orderic]

Yeah, something heavy... Can't be a mage, they don't wear metal boots.

He glances hopefully in the direction of the sound.

Maybe someone sent help already? But... They don't know about everything blowing up soon.

[OMG PONIES]

Milo

[roll0]

"Maybe we could--" Milo's interrupted mid-thought by Gaius' large groping mitts. "What in the what now?!" Milo ducks underneath Gaius' much larger arm and deftly avoids his attempt to wield the lad as a human--er, as a halfling shield. "How many times do I have to tell you guys?" Milo asks, "I'm not equipment; I'm a bleedin' person!"

When Grom finds the key, Milo smirks. "Should we stay or should we go? If we go, there will be trouble..." Milo fishes in his pocket and pulls out his lucky coin, one of the few gold pieces he had to his name. He places it atop his thumb and flicks it into the air, carefully snatching it and examining it like a soothsayer reads tea leaves. His smirk widens to a grin as he shakes his head and says, "but if we stay it will be double. Sorry, chums, no time to power up the magical machine we don't understand! Time to go, double time! Chop chop!"

[Rhysandphal]

For all I know, Jarvis lost his life trying to get to the golem. He was one of the good ones. I'm not gonna let his death be for nothing.
Gilded Grom looks around, wilting a bit as he thinks about his situation..it'd be a lot easier to think without this blasted pain(ooc: i'm doing thoughts in italic color. if thats confusing, i can just not do that,)

If nothing else, i'm sure theres something in there to help the living stay that way. And I kinda like living. I'm gonna stick around long enough to at least get a glimpse at whats coming. While I'd appreciate the company, its not like I could force any of you to stay.

Gilded Grom looks around and tries to find a good place to hide near the way back to the golem, hoping the owner of the footsteps won't try and look around.


[roll0]

[ColdCoffee]

When Grom mentions Jarvis, you all instantly recall the man. He was one of the oldest and prestigious of the inner mage circle, perhaps older than the archmage himself. You all really liked him as he was one of the few mages that seemed to tolerate your company. Unfortunately, despite his frequent invitations, your janitor status excluded you from visiting him during the performance of his duties in the experimental portal chamber. You assume that if he had the golem key and was headed to the archives, that it was for a very very very good reason.

[Vhaidara]

Wait little guy, if we can turn that golem on maybe we can get it to escort us out! Wouldn't there be less trouble with a giant metal servant to protect us?
While speaking, Gaius calls upon the finely honed instincts bred into him by generations of small village farmers and years of getting kicked in the head by farm animals. His breathing slows, and he enters a trance-like state as the knowledge of what to do seeps into his mind. It is so clear. Generation after generation had survived tragedy and horror by following a simple law of survival.

He runs over to Grom.
Hide me man dragon-man! Please hide me!

[ColdCoffee]

All of you spot two heavily armored warriors turning the corner towards you. Both wield humongous great-axes, larger than you've ever seen! They both wear heavily spiked platemail that covers their bodies from head to toe, thus hiding their identity and even what species they may be. It would appear they haven't spotted you yet (they must be VERY nearsighted.)

Suddenly an arc of lightning zaps them from behind. The two warriors drop lifelessly to the ground with murmurs of helpless whining.

"Help!" you hear from back in the archives. It's the voice of the archmage! You hear clashing of weapons, the surging of magic about to be cast. Several loud thuds are heard, when then what sounds like a sword or a spear piercing its target ends the thuds altogether. You then hear a giant "WHOOSH!", then all is silent.

[Vhaidara]

Gaius again calls upon his heritage for guidance
MY PAYCHECK!
He runs towards the archmage.

I may rename Gaius to Gaisu. Because my fingers hit the "s" before the "u" every time.

[Rhysandphal]

Looks like the odds of survival might be over there, Milo.

gilded Grom chuckles a bit about the dragon-man comment, then heads down the hallway, stopping briefly to see if he can manage to pick up the one of the axes.

[Orderic]

Wait little guy, if we can turn that golem on maybe we can get it to escort us out! Wouldn't there be less trouble with a giant metal servant to protect us?

Hey, that's a good idea.


All of you spot two heavily armored warriors turning the corner towards you. Both wield humongous great-axes, larger than you've ever seen! They both wear heavily spiked platemail that covers their bodies from head to toe, thus hiding their identity and even what species they may be. It would appear they haven't spotted you yet (they must be VERY nearsighted.)

Oh, good, now we can... Rukbat starts saying silently.


Suddenly an arc of lightning zaps them from behind. The two warriors drop lifelessly to the ground with murmurs of helpless whining.

Um... Or maybe not. he says as he stares shocked at the dead, lifeless bodies on the ground.


"Help!" you hear from back in the archives. It's the voice of the archmage! You hear clashing of weapons, the surging of magic about to be cast. Several loud thuds are heard, when then what sounds like a sword or a spear piercing its target ends the thuds altogether. You then hear a giant "WHOOSH!", then all is silent.

Um... We have to help, right? I mean, he's the archmage and he said he needed help, right?

He then follows Gaisu towards where the archmage was heard.

[OMG PONIES]

Milo

The halfling sighs and curses under his breath. Of course, since he's a halfling his curses are less menacing and more adorable. "Aw jungleberries, chums...this won't be pretty, but we've gotta do it." As Milo speaks, he starts pushing his portable warchest of custodial supplies toward the sound of the archmage's voice. "Time to power up ol' Shiny," he calls to the others, "and hope the thing isn't on the fritz."

[Rhysandphal]

Thinking to himself about how nice an axe this is, Gilded Grom takes a moment to poke around and see if they have anything else nice on them before continuing on down the hall.


[roll0]

[Vhaidara]

GAISU continues towards where he heard the archmage's voice, grabbing an axe on the way by. Does he know how to use it? No. Does he care? Only slightly.
FOR WALKER!

[ColdCoffee]

You return to the archives. As you reenter the room, someone appears to be teleporting into the room roughly 20 feet in front of you. It's the archmage! He appears to be in serious need of a cleric! Or at least a really big bandage.

He turns and spots you, trying to head in your direction, clutching the gaping wound in his chest. After a few steps, he hits the floor with a disconcerting thud. Getting weaker, he looks to you and motions to you to come to him.

As you get closer, the archmage's lips begin to move. "The VOILA is in danger! The Sanctum is under attack! You all...better get off this plane if you value your life. Get the VOILA...out of here. It's in the research chamber... Take it to...Vorponath...Violet Castle...reward..." Just before he dies, he looks over towards the coffers and utters "key to exit portal...the golem". With one last gasp, his lifeless form slumps to the floor.

13:30 until destruction

[Vhaidara]

GAISU runs over to the body and drops his axe before starting to go through the archmage's pockets, looking for money.

[roll0]

[OMG PONIES]

Milo

"Oi, chum!" Milo shouts in a less-than-friendly tone. "Have some respect for the departed. Ain't even cold yet and you're looking for money like he was a couch cushion? Sad state of affairs, that."

[Vhaidara]

GAISU snaps at the halfling
School isn't cheap, short stuff! I need the money from this job!

[Rhysandphal]

Not wanting to waste time, Gilded Grom rushes over to the silver golem and tries to get it going.

I mean, seriously. Rummaging through our dead employers pockets. For shame. Gilded Grom's hand pauses, key held towards the golem, as his back kindly and patiently reminds him of the pain it's in. Hey, while you're at it, check for anything that might be magic. I'm sure he's got something, and it ain't doing him any good. Well, unless it can revive him, in which case it will do him good.

Gilded Grom returns his attention to the golem, looking for a keyhole or some other obvious place for the key.


[roll0]
also, did i notice anything when i searched the dead warriors?



Groaning, Gilded Grom straitens, casting a disapproving look towards the archmage. I think I found the keyhole. he says flatly. Shaking his head, he leans back in and puts the key into the keyhole on the golems rear.

[Orderic]

Rukbat

He looks slightly scared at the archmage and the looting going on.

And what if he has something dangerous? Your hands might fall of! Besides, we have to get the VOILA.

[Vhaidara]

GAISU screams in rage
Blast and damnation! Nothing!
Then what the archmage said registers to him
Wait, a reward if we take the VOILA to the Violet Castle?
He straightens up.
TO THE RESEARCH CHAMBER!

[ColdCoffee]

You approach the silver golem. It doesn't do so much as even acknowledge your existence. You notice a key hole right where its glutimus maximus is located.

One of you inserts the key. The golem appears to come alive. "Coffer Retrieval And Install Golem (CRAIG) activated. Welcome to the archives, Lord Jarvis." Craig bows politely to you.

" Message from Archmage <name omitted>: "Stop taking my crap! If you want something so bad do the begging yourself. If it will make you happy, I'll let you borrow the key to access the portal room. The password is the elven name for jackass...jackass." End of message."

It motions its large silver head towards the wielder of the key. "For list of accessible coffers, say coffers. For older messages, say "older messages." To customize your account, say customize. For help, press my stomach."

13:00 to detonation.

[Vhaidara]

We need the key out of here! And directions to the Research Room!
GAISU is gesticulating with his axe as he speaks.

[Rhysandphal]

Walking around to face CRAIG, Gilded Grom considers for a moment, weighing the potential gain against the horrible death that being blown up would be. Comforting his lower back, Gilded Grom decides he might as well take everything he can from this old man.

Older messages! he says, hoping to have more passwords handed to him.

[OMG PONIES]

Milo

"Oi, what is this, story time with Shiny?" Milo begins to get riled up and suggest they leave, but then he furrows his brow and tries to do some quick time accounting in his head. It seemed they still had more than ten minutes before the whole place went kablooey, so why not?

"Craig, eh?" he asks aloud. "Suppose it's a bit more personal than Shiny." As he listens with Grom to the older messages, Milo's stomach begins to growl--he hadn't even had a chance to eat breakfast and now they had to run for their lives? The injustice of it all! He wished that the C in CRAIG stood for "coffee," rather than "coffer." He could go for a nice mug of joe right about now.

[ColdCoffee]

As Craig eyes Milo, it seems to jolt as if it remembered something. A small bin opens in the goelms chest. You each find a caffeinated beverage to your liking (although scalding hot!)

The golem turns to respond to Gilded Grom. "Older messages have been omitted. Omition date: omitted. Omitton policy enabled on <date omitted.> Omition policy comittee notifed on <date omitted>. Please forward inquires to <POC omitted> on or by <date omitted>.
'

The golem turns to respond to GAISU. "Request for Portal Coffer registered. Please enter password."

As the smell of newly brewed coffee blesses your senses it appears to be waiting for a password.

[Vhaidara]

Stupid old man, not telling us the password...
GAISU start rattling of passwords
Password! VOILA! Archmage! CRAIG! Coffee! Opensesame! Pazuzu, Pazuzu, Pazuzu!

[Rhysandphal]

Guilded Grom rolls his eyes as he steps forward, gently guiding Gaisu out of his way.
I believe the password is... He pauses, partially for dramatic tension, partially to make sure Craig registers the password instead of just hearing a sentence.
Jackass.

[OMG PONIES]

Milo

"Oi, chum," Milo pipes up, "didn't that angry bloke blathering on the message say it was the Elven word for jackass?"

[ColdCoffee]

Nhihaere speaks up. "I know Elven." she answers Milo. She appraoches the golem and clears her throat with dignity and presence.

"Craig," she says. "The password is <censored>."

The word that came out of her lips is so powerful that each of you hear what would sound like a cannon shot firing immeidately in front of you.

"Access granted. Retrieving coffer." CRAIG promptly approaches a bookcase and pulls a book out, labeled "101 Divination Jokes." The bookcase creaks and graons, sliding to the side, revealing a hidden coffer within a secret compartment.

CRAIG's left hand shapeshifts into a large key and unlocks the hidden coffer. Inside, you see a bronze key. You see the word "Portal" inscribed on it. Looks like it was done in blue crayon.

Good work! You got your ticket out of here! As you recall, to traverse further into the sanctum you have to access the teleporter station near where the dead red guys are. You can either RP your move or you can tell me in OOC that your character simply returns to the teleporter.

[Vhaidara]

GAISU grabs the key and sprints towards the portal room
Come on people, we need to get the expensive thing and get out!

[Orderic]

Rukbat looks with wide eyes at the golem while the others retrieve the coffer. Then he seems to realize something.

Wait a second... Craig, Coffers!

[Rhysandphal]

Happy someone else remembered the loot chance, Gilded Grom leans on his new axe and waits, giving the room a good scan to make sure nothing was missed.


[roll0]

[ColdCoffee]

Upon Rukbat's inquiry for coffers, CRAIG tilts its head. "Memory allocation of immediate coffers indicates none in immediate vicinity. Under current termination scenario, you, Lord Jarvis, have access to emergency equipment now readily available. Two drops in total. First lode in the research quarters, second lode near exit portals."

The golem begins zipping down the corridor, the unclaimed coffee cups falling out of its still-open metal chest and onto the floor in a sudden loud crackle. it seems to be on its way to open these emergency coffers.

You can either RP to follow CRAIG, RP to explore som more, or mention you simply follow CRAIG towards the research chamber in the OOC thread.

[Vhaidara]

GAISU follows CRAIG to the VOILA, in a show of acronym themed solidarity.

[Rhysandphal]

Faster than I expected. Gilded Grom follows after him, dancing his way around the spilled coffee and nearly slipping and falling when a twinge in his back catches him off guard.
If that old loon's death didn't do it... he mutters to himself as he makes his way down the hallway.

[ColdCoffee]

You proceed back to the teleporter station. Along with CRAIG, your group immediately beams to what appears to be the research platform of the sanctum.

It's a large room similar to the archives. There is a label on the side of the room that says "Research Platform". According to the archmage, this is where the mages' inner circle housed the VOILA when not in testing.

On the far side of the room you see something that appears to have come off the front of an airship, like some sort of battering ram. Whatever it is, it appears to be in shambles now. It was probably damaged when the invaders attacked.

Next to this mass of metal appears to be a map of Vorponath. From the looks of the notes next to the map itself, it was used for locating possible settlements to test the VOILA once the artifact had been cleared.

Next to the map appears to be a giant megaphone. At least, that's what you think it is. Now you kind of guess why the mages didn't want you janitors snooping around the place since you can hardly guess what most of this stuff is. The edges of the "megaphone" protrude out from the research platfrom, out past the glass and into the bombardment of baige clouds.

Dead mages litter this room as well. Their lungs have been clearly eviscerated from the rest of their bodies. Otherwise, the wounded are so badly damaged that you cannot distinguish any of the other bodily organs that now decorate the room.

In the middle fo the room is an empty glass case with a label underneath the case says "VOILA." Unfortunately, the glass has been shattered, and the artifact is gone!

There is a door that leads north. the word "PORTALS" is printed on the door.

CRAIG appears to scan the research platform. "Coffer found. Dislodged from previous memory index. Suspect dislodgment due to recent attack. Requesting assistance." It appears to be asking you for help looking for it somewhere in this room.

[Vhaidara]

GAISU begins scrambling, looking for the VOILA with CRAIG.
Dos anyone know what this thing looks like?

[Rhysandphal]

Gilded Grom makes his way across the room to nick the map, thinking it'll come in handy later, doing his best not to step on anyone's lungs along the way.

It was he stops, covering his mouth and taking a second to calm his stomach after accidentally looking at the nastier corpses. It was behind a bookcase last time, yeah? Lets look for things like that.
Gilded Grom begins rummaging through any large piles of junk that might be capable of hiding the cache from the golem.


[roll0]

[OMG PONIES]

Milo

Milo tries to help search the room, but things like paying "attention" were never quite his bread and butter. Instead, he preferred to--

A glint of metal off of CRAIG catches Milo's eye, and his train of thought is off the tracks. "Oi, Craig," Milo says. "Customize?"

[roll0]

[ColdCoffee]

Milo and GAISU don't appear to find anything that stands out that doesn't resemble fleshy gooey organ stuffs. However, Gilded Grom manages to catch his eye on a coffer that is covered mostly by the fallen metal from the airship.

"Thank you for your assistance. Retrieving coffer."

The golem knocks the scraps of metal off the chest with relative ease. As before, it shapeshifts its hand into a key to unlock the coffer.

Inside the coffer you find two wands. There is no indication as to what spells these wands are capable of casting.

CRAIG tilts its head towards Milo upon him uttering the word "customize."
"To redo your account name, say "account name." To rerecord your away message, say 'rerecord.' To To change current language, say 'language.' To activate super death golem mode, say 'super death golem mode.' To change ringtone, say 'ringtone.' To change coffee filter, say 'coffee filter.'

[Vhaidara]

GAISU grabs the wands, then, thinking fast, grabs a piece of rubble. Then he hears the words "super death golem mode". The little guy might actually try that!
Ringtone!

[Rhysandphal]

Gilded Grom looks at the wands sadly, then looks at the axe in his hands.
I guess I shouldn't expect to get all the good stuff. I'd probably manage to make it blow up in my face anyway. He pouts a little more at the thought that magic tends to be a little off around him, even though he's kind of interested in it.

A death golem would be pretty useful, as long as we don't jump the gun. I doubt he'll be in a coffer opening mood during it either.

[ColdCoffee]

CRAIG turns to GAISU when hearing the "ringtone" prompt.
"The current ringtone is the standard ringtone. Please state requested song for new ringtone."

Meanwhile, it begins to make its way north too the portal chamber, presumably to open the 2nd coffer per Rukbat's request.

You spot more dead mages immediately on the other side of the door. All of these pupils are wearing brown robes. These were worn by the mages who were scrutinized for being incompetent or unworthy. It would appear that this label was correct...

Beyond the door you see a large hallway. You immediately see through the glass wall opposite you what appears to be a large expanse of the sanctum itself. Judging from the angle, you must be among the lower levels if not at the bottom. There are numerous viewing ports that line the long wall. Across from the glass wall is a panel labeled "Sanctum status." The wall itself is covered with magical emblems that seem alive. Spinning, hoveing, twisting. From first glance you have no idea what they mean. Only the head mages such as Jarvis would know what they mean, and they're probably dead or gone. To your left, you see two columns of huge marble pillars line the expanse of this large hall that continue as far as the eye can see. (Roughly 150 feet away).

At a closer glance, the columns themselves appear to be monuments to archmages from ages past. Numerous faces have been carved out on each pillar, each representing an archmage from previous years.

At the far end of the room you notice a large bit of ceiling has collapsed itself into the hallway. It doesn't appear to be blocking the entirety of the exit to the portals.

Lining the walls on both sides towards the exit, a few screens appear. On each screen is a creature you've never seen the likes of. It's scaly and green, almost reptilian, resembling a bipedal crocodile. It seems to be talking, but you can't hear anything. The damage to the sanctum must have affected this message.

Make another listen check!

[OMG PONIES]

[roll0]

Milo's ears perk up with the sudden rush of sounds assaulting them.

[Vhaidara]

GAISU runs alongside CRAIG
What Is Love!

Listen: [roll0]

[Orderic]

So, no saying "super death gole..."

Stopping himselfs just bbefore he could activate the super death golem mode, he then continues:

Right. Not saying that. Oh, and GAISU, can I have one of the wands?

[roll0]

[Rhysandphal]

Stopping for a moment to compare his own scale patterns to those of the reptile on the screen, Gilded Grom rushes to catch up with the rest of the group.

[roll0]

[ColdCoffee]

Matching melody found. Confirm selection by saying "Yes" or "No". Suddenly huge speakers protrude out of CRAIG's biceps and start blaring "What is Love." The melody nearly ruptures your ear drums due to its loud volume!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhrBDcQq2DM

Unfortunately you are not the only ones who are enjoying this impromptu performance.

Two hugely armored goblins apear from the other side of the room and spot you! "WHAT IS THAT!? WHO IS THERE!? IDENTIFY YOURSELF! THEN DIE!" They are wielding the same equipment you saw on the guards you saw get zapped a few rooms ago: huge greataxes and full plate mail.

Both goblins begin to charge towards you with obvious intent.
[_______[x]_____[x]_____]
[______________________]
[_______[x]__G__[x]_____]
[______________________]
[_______[x]G____[x]_____]
[______________________]
[_______[x]_____[x]_____]
[______________________]
[_______[x]_____[x]_____]
[______________________]
[_______[x]_____[x]_____]
[______________________]
[_______[x]{you}[x]_____]
[______________________]
[_______[x]_____[x]_____]

[x] = 5ft by 5ft pillar
G = enemy goblin
{you} your starting position + CRAIG
[ ] = natural walls
_ = open floor

Each square is 5ft. For example, goblin #1 is 40ft away and goblin #2 is 50ft away.

I've taken the liberty to roll each of your initiatives for you. Here's the order of the day.

Milo
Gilded Grom
Rukbat
GAISU
<PC's that are no longer being played (Nhihaere and Hash)>
Goblin #1
Goblin #2
CRAIG

You dont' have to wait for the person(s) before you to post. I will orchestrate the fight scene as you make your posts with actions occurring in initiative order.

Note/Reminder: CRAIG is not a sentient being.
Suggestion/Reminder: You are janitors. Not adventurers (yet!!). I would advise some strategery here.

Way to go GAISU! You cancelled out your abysmal listen checks and prompted us into our first encounter of the campaign! Genius!

10 minutes until complete destruction.

[Vhaidara]

GAISU shrieks and dives out from between CRAIG and the goblins
YES! SUPER DEATH GOLEM!


I can't help but notice CRAIG isn't on the map. Also, if you want, I have a Google Doc template for combat maps I can send you for the future.

[ColdCoffee]

When the attack happened, you were personally in the company of several mages of the inner circle. You were delivering to them their underpants. After handing the batch to them in a giant laundry basket in the research chamber it dawned on you that none of them could possibly be wearing underpants right now! You may be feral at times, but at least you're civilized.

When suddnely all hell goes loose.

You witness the attack. The pooring of goblins through the now shattered window of the chamber. Without warning they begin to eviscerate their victims right before your eyes. You are led away towards the portal chamber for evacuation.

As you flee, more and more of the mages stagger off to fend off the oncoming wave of enemies while someone activates the portals to escape. This keeps occuring until only you are running.

It would have been nice if they had TOLD YOU how the magical devices worked...

You run through a hallway lined with pillars. Through that hallway you come to a dead end. You look around to see what you can deduce. At the back of the room is a teleport platform. Next to the teleport platform is a glass wall. Through the glass you can see down into another room. this room appears to be floating outside of the sanctum, entirely separated from it. You see a giant portal sitting idly by within this room. You see a teleport platform opposite of the portal. You also see a large iron gate that is closed, separating the teleport platfom from the mass of portals. At the base of the glass you see a panel labeled "Portal Doors," with two big red buttons labeled "open" and "close."

On the other side of the teleport platform (the one nearest to you) you see what appears to be a giant marble. It contains a massive amount of some sort of liquid that is purple and glowing You see pipes leading from the marble outwards towards the portal in the distance. Only the head mages would know what this is, and you presume the worst.

Next to the big marbke is what appears to be a work station of some sort that must have belonged to one of the missing mages. You see several drawings of the marble and nonlegible notes jotted around them. There are several glyphs on the table that are glowing red. You hear a faint female voice from the glyphs stating. "Warning: life support magic will soon be dispelled within the facility. Life support magic will soon be dispelled within the facility."

Then you hear a woman's voice throughout the sanctum say "10 minutes until destruction of the sanctum."

But then you hear something even wierder. You hear the following melody coming from the hallway you just left.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhrBDcQq2DM

Then you hear the following goblin voice. WHAT IS THAT!? WHO IS THERE!? IDENTIFY YOURSELF! THEN DIE! Followed by the sound of charging footsteps.

You've been asked to find a way out. Feel free to explore the room. You can also try and see what's playing that catchy tune. Good luck!

[Rhysandphal]

Ahem Gilded Grom clears his throat as he hefts the axe. I believe it was "Super Death Golem Mode". I bet the Arch Wizard is the type to make it so it only works if every word is said just right. Gilded grom then strikes a sloppy battle stance, hoping he'll be able to make them regret getting close.
Readying an action to attack any goblin that gets within my reach.

What, um... What is our plan if the death golem thing falls through, exactly? They look like soldiers. Normally for the peasants to win, we'd need about 10 more people....

[androgial]

Stupid creatures attacking my food source. Oh bet my food source will want these notes. Lilyeth picks up the drawings and notes from the table. Wonder what these buttons are for. Then she moves over and presses open to see what happens. Her head starts bobbing in time to the ring tone, pray there is nothing breakable to the right side of her head.

[ColdCoffee]

You notice something near the the large iron gate below you as itt slowly groan its way open. It would appear this door isn't blocking the portals anymore. f

[androgial]

[roll0] spotting the noticed thing wis +1 alertness +1


lilyeth takes a look at the thing near the moving thing blocking the thing to get out of home.

[OMG PONIES]

Milo

"Yes; super death golem mode! Target: goblins! Enemy: goblins! Just off the damned buggers!" Milo shouts frantically before the others can get the words out. Just as quickly, Milo has pulled out the bucket of bleach. Clenching the cap between his tiny lips, he bites it off. The halfling takes a second to spit out the cap (and spit a few extra times to get rid of the horrid taste) before chucking the bottle with all his might at the eyes of the closest goblin.

Free action: 5 foot step forward, speak.
Move action: draw bleach
Standard action: attack closest goblin
[roll0] +1 size+1 DEX+1 racial bonus with thrown weapons-4 for throwing 2 additional range increments
[roll1] and a chance to blind him!

[ColdCoffee]

Milo chucks the ever so useful bleach at the nearest goblin. Although it doesn't do any noticeable damage, the darn thing exploes on impact. The bleach appears to be acting like a homebrew flash grenade. The first of the two goblins begins to moan and clutch his eyes in agony.

In an almost unified chant, the majority of you chant out "Super Death Golem Mode!"

CRAIG starts to change.

Spike begin to emerge all across its body. Orbits of fire begin to spawn around its already ignited hands. Its legs transform into enormous tank treads! It's eyes sparkle like the head of a mighty lightning bolt.

And for some reason the new ringtone doesn't stop playing.

DESTROY EVERYONE! DESTROY EVERYONE! Baby don't hurt me♫♫ Baby don't hurt me♫♫ it begins to chant with booming forebodance. It eyes the goblins and charges them with ruthless efficiency. Grabbing the blinded goblin by the head, it uses i's full scale mail'd body t as an improvised weapon to bash the second goblin far across the room. The unlucky goblin slams into the wall ten feet above the floor, but before gravity can pull the wrecked warrior to the ground, CRAIG has already overcome the goblin again. This time it grabs that goblin's head and charges through the room. Literally through the room. There was a door. Now there is a CRAIG sized hole where the door used to be.

In the room beyond, you can barely make out what appears to be CRAIG chucking the goblins through a large glass window. The crackle sound is easily heard from your location. It would appear that the goblins have been dispatched of!

It also appears that CRAIG has overheated somewhat.

"Deactivating Super Death Golem mode. Recharging auxiliary power sources. Supe Death Golem mode will be readily available in two hundred and forty seven business days. Resuming collection of final emergency equipment coffer. Baby don't hurt me♫♫ Baby don't hurt me♫♫"


Beyond CRAIG, you see another teleport platform. It appears to be powered down. Unlike the previous teleport station, this one appears to have a bronze keyhole embedded near one of its outlying pylons.

Next to the teleport platform was a glass wall. It is now shattered thanks to CRAIG's dispatch of the goblin warriors. Through the glass you can see down into another room. Thus room appears to be floating outside of the sanctum entirely separated from it roughly 100ft below you. You see a giant portal sitting idly by within this room. You see a teleport platform opposite of the portal. You also see a large iron gate that is open, partitioning the teleport platfom from the portal. At the base of the glass you see a panel labeled "Portal Doors," with two big red buttons labeled "open" and "close." The open button is glowing.

On the other side of the teleport platform (the one nearest to you) you see what appears to be a giant marble. It contains a massive amount of some sort of liquid that ispurple and glowing You see pipes leading from the marble outwards towards the portal in the distance. Only the head mages would know what this is, and (yes yes you get the idea by now, dead as a doornail).

Next to the big ball is what appears to be a work station of some sort that must have belonged to one of the (now dead) mages. You see several drawings of the ball and nonlegible notes jotted around them. There are several glyphs on the table that are glowing red. You hear a faint female voice from the glyphs stating. "Warning: life support magic will soon be dispelled within the facility. Life support magic will soon be dispelled within the facility."

You notice a woman in this room. She's wearing sanctum staff clothes similar to yours. She's no mage, but she definitely must be in one of your branches of work. As you get near her you begin to smell the scent of catnip. She seems busy trying to escape, just like all of you. You've seen her before doing loads of laundry for the mages. If memory serves you right, she dabbled in underpants.

You notice all events following CRAIG busting into the room you are currently in. You see from a close range that CRAIG effortlessly flings the goblins 40-50 feet across the room and through the glass wall nearby. You vaguely recognize the golem as it had given you food a handful of times, but you've never seen it do this before. (Your character may or may not know everyone who is about to come and meet you, I'll leave that decision to you)

Hurray! the goblins are defeated! The party has met Lilyeth ! We're almost out of the sanctum!

9 minutes until utter destruction

[Vhaidara]

So, no saying "super death gole..."

Stopping himselfs just bbefore he could activate the super death golem mode, he then continues:

Right. Not saying that. Oh, and GAISU, can I have one of the wands?

[roll0]

GAISU, remembering the question, turns to Rukbat.
What are you willing to trade for it?
Then he sees Lilyeth
Washerwoman! Come with us if you want to live!

[androgial]

OOOOH the metal thingy that sometimes brings food lilyeth stares and blinks for half a second before hopping, yes hopping, over to CRAIG. " Iced mocha latte and a steak please. Query how do I get down there?" she points to the portal room. hmmm seems she knows something about craig no one else does....nah couldnt be.

[Orderic]

Directly after seeing the goblins, Rukbat lets out a womanly shriek and attempts to hide behind CRAIG.

Only for his attempt to utterly fail as CRAIG annihilates all enemies.



GAISU, remembering the question, turns to Rukbat.
What are you willing to trade for it?

Well, I did remember about the coffers.

[ColdCoffee]

CRAIG turns to lilyeth. As it dispenses an iced mocha latte to the girl, it answers her question.

"The teleporter platform in this room will take us to the portal chamber below. We will need the portal key to continue."
Taking the portal key you found back in the archives, you insert it into the teleporter platform and watch it activate.

You step into the teleport. On the other side, it appears you've teleported to the room you saw from the glass.

Indeed, 15 feet in front of you lies an open iron gate. You recognize it as the one you saw a second ago from above.

Suddenly the giant portal across the room from you erupts in a series of small implosions and then collapses. The floating bits of enchanted rock outlying the formation fo the portal crumbles into a giant pile of mush and ash.

You see a workstation opposite of the main portal that magically appears as you enter the room. It's even more confusing than than the last workstation. (Spot Check DC:10 to see anything further on the table).

Next to the workstation is what appears to be a closet of some kind. Upon the closet door is some sort of emblem resembling a white shield. CRAIG approaches the closet. Final emergency equipment coffer located. Unlocking now.

He opens the closet door. You find that the inside of the closet is neverending. A wide array of armor and protective equipment can be found.

This closet is jammed full of every mundane armor and protective equipment listed in the PHB. Better suit up, the handouts are going to end soon!

You hear the same automated faint female voice from before.
"CAUTION: Portal malfunctioning. Please utilize experimental portal corridor now available. Note: the sanctum is not responsbile for any side effects, illness, or death due to exposure from these experimental portals."

A similar portal magically appears above hte crumbled remains of the old one. It seems unstable with the outlying rock formations violently vibrating, but still functional...maybe.

Eight minutes remaining

[Vhaidara]

GAISU drops the axe and grab a chain shirt. Then he looks back at Rukbat.
Yes, but you've already done that. How about half of the money you've made here?

[androgial]

Lilyeth doesnt see the need to put on even more clothes so she concentrates on the table.

spot [roll0] listen [roll1]


"Mission find way out sucessful. Now what do I do."

[Rhysandphal]

Gilded Grom shows a toothy smile as he dives into the equipment locker. Rummaging around, he finds himself a suit of full plate. He reaches for it, then, thinking better of it, finds himself a nice suit of banded mail.
Someone wanna help me put this on? we don't really have the time for me to fiddle with it myself.
(assuming someone helps me don it) just a couple minutes later, Gilded Grom grabs a chain shirt as well, for versatility, and loops it through his belt for later. Picking his axe back up, he makes his way to that workstation, rifling through it for a bit before pocketing a bracelet he found and going back to the rest of the, hopefully, survivors of this ordeal, though it might be a little too early to think that.

I don't know about you all, but I was hoping we'd get to use the experimental portal. I have to say, though, seeing the old one detonate in response to us entering the area makes my slightly less optimistic. Gilded Grom pokes around a bit, looking at the gate, but not too close at risk of tripping through accidentally.


So, uh.... We just gonna jump through, here? CRAIG, uh... query. he says uncertainly. Is there anything you can tell us about the experimental gate?


[roll0] for workstation
[roll1]for portal
if search is more appropriate for either of those, it'd be the same bonus.

[ColdCoffee]

CRAIG tilts its head in response to Grom's question.

Master Jarvis, you have one archived notes with subject Experimental Portals.
Reading record 1:

We successfully tapped into the souls of the brave adventurers who defended our sanctum years ago. Their sacrifice will not be in vain. Through their strength we can empower anyone who steps through these portals with the discipline they should choose to pursue. We ...tested it out on Lance yesterday. He seemed eager to try his hand at becoming a powerful wizard. The results were amazing. He showed prowess that of which some seasoned experts couldn't hope to reach... but... when he changed his mind and wanted to experience the powers of a sorceror, we discovered that ... no one could go through the portal twice without...lethal ramifications (rest in peace Sarai...).

Perhaps its too early to unveil these portals to anyone else before further testing is approved. We've isolated the portals in caves far below the surface so no one stumbles across them. Only an emergency portal can access them now. Of course, they could come in handy in the case of an emergency...but the odds of anything threatening the sanctum nowadays are miniscule.

By the tiem this message ends, there will be seven minutes remaining until detonation.

[Orderic]

After helping Grom with his armor, Rukbat looks over the armors but decides that it would take too long now to put one on, instead taking only a buckler.

As soon as CRAIG has finished talking:
That... That sounds great!

Spot: [roll0]

[Vhaidara]

GAISU listens to CRAIG's message.
Do you think they have a lawyer? Does it come with a degree?

[Rhysandphal]

Gilded Grom grows a cheezey grin as he contemplates it.
These portals sound like the best thing ever! Maybe I'll even get my!... my... my reprieve from this.. back pain! yeah, that. Everyone ready? should we try and sabotage this room behind us? don't want any of the nasties chasing us getting super powers too.


After helping Grom with his armor, Rukbat grabs a light crossbow, a quiver full of bolts, a quarterstaff and puts a dagger in his belt.

Wait, there's weapons too? i though there was just armor. Well, then, I'm gonna grab myself a guisarme as well. and a whip. whips are fun.

[ColdCoffee]

As you pass through the experimental portal, small trickles of lightning appear between the rubies on your armor and the portal itself. You hear that faint female voice again saying "Access granted." (Whoever's voice that is she must be making a heap load off royalites).

After passing through this portal, you appear to be deep within a large cavern. Its location in relation to the Sanctum itself is unknown. The walls are made of solid rock and stone. There doesn't appear to be any obvious exit, apart from...

Ahead of you, you see countless portals lining the outer walls of this dark cavern, much smaller in size than the one you previously used. These protals are at tne end of various bridges that line the circumference of the cavern. You see stone labels on each of the portals. Each one seems to state a brand of champion. One reads fighter. Another reads rogue. Wizard. Cleric. Barbarian. Each portal has labels such as these.

You can see what appears to be blue sky and white clouds on the other side of each portal.

In the center of the cave is a statue of a woman in an long elegant gown. In one hand she wields a sword stretched out and upward, and in the other hand she holds a newborn child in swaddling clothes. (A successful listen check will reveal more).
Above the breasts of the woman are inscribed the words.
"Choose wisely."


Its the moment you've all been waiting for. Upgrade time. Passing through these portals will grant you 1000 EXP towards the class of your choice. If your LA is 0, then you'll be level 2 by the end of this chapter. Feel free to choose any approved base class for your character. If you have questions or would like to have something approved, please let me know!

[Rhysandphal]

Gilded Grom walks slowly around the statue once, then looks out at the rest of the room.
This.... is a lot of portals.. Anyone got a guess as to which we should go through? I hope it isn't one person per portal.... Gilded Grom goes back around to the front of the statue. Choose wisely, it says. How come nothing that says choose wisely is also willing to inform you enough to actually do it? Gilded Grom sighs and, comforting his back, takes a peek through a few of the portals, to see if he can see anything of interest.


[roll0]
[roll1]

[Vhaidara]

GAISU looks around for any kind of indication as to what portals will give what abilities.
They expect me to make this kind of commitment with so little information?

Listen: [roll0]

[ColdCoffee]

GAISU looks around for any kind of indication as to what portals will give what abilities.
They expect me to make this kind of commitment with so little information?

Listen: [roll0]

CRAIG nods. "Your alternative is imminent starvation and dehydration within this cavern. Chance of cave-in from the imminent explosion calculated at 84%.

[Vhaidara]

GAISU looks at CRAIG
Sorry, what was that? I didn't hear you.
He looks back at the portals, then picks one at random
Oh, to hell with it!
GAISU charges and leaps through one of the portals.

Here's to hoping they accept voice commands

[Orderic]

Before passing through the experimental portal, Rukbat snatches the ring lying on the table, unless someone else already did this.


Ahead of you, you see countless portals lining the outer walls of this dark cavern, much smaller in size than the one you previously used. These protals are at tne end of various bridges that line the circumference of the cavern. You see stone labels on each of the portals. Each one seems to state a brand of champion. One reads fighter. Another reads rogue. Wizard. Cleric. Barbarian. Each portal has labels such as these.


Rukbat, staring at these portals as though they were a treasure to rival the hoards of the mightiest dragons, murmurs This is so awesome... I finally get to be a wizard.

Then he blinks a few times and looks at the others. So, what are you guys going to choose?

Listen: [roll0]

[Rhysandphal]

Gilded Grom pauses in his inspection of the room and tilts his head, trying to figure out where the second voice came from, taking a moment to note which portal GAISU just charged through.
Hello? Can you hear me? We're, uh, not exactly the Lords of the Sanctum, but... We're here, none the less. We were hoping to protect the VIOLA on our way out, but that seems to have failed, and i don't think we could get back there if we wanted to. Not that some janitors could do much about it anyway....

[ColdCoffee]

Rhysandphal attempts to call back to the voice that he heard, but she doesn't appear to hear him. There must be something wrong with the connection. She doesn't seem to hear anything.

[Rhysandphal]

Gilded Grom rushes to their golem friend.
CRAIG. Any chance you heard that voice? Can you reconnect to it?
While listening to/waiting for the response, Gilded Grom begins looking around, trying to see if there's any tags on the portals that speak to him.

[OMG PONIES]

Milo

[roll0]

On their way out of the sanctum, Milo stops in the most walk-in of closets to pick out some accoutrements with the rest of the janitors. He picks up a chain shirt and matching steel cap, donning it hastily. In about 30 seconds, the armor is "on" for all intents and purposes, but the buckles are fastened into the wrong slots and the steel cap is askew on Milo's tiny head. It wasn't doing him any favors, but it might just save his life, and that's what he was counting on it for.

* * *

[roll1]

As the party stands before the various portals, Milo warily eyes the statue. "Choose wisely," he echoes. In a singsong, he picks up:
"The babe holds a babe and a blade.
Wisdom unto us she bade.
Seems I can't lose
(whatever I choose),
But it may still bode me boon to obey."

Milo stands perplexed before the lot of them, able for the first time in his life to choose his own destiny. Whether it was the cognitive dissonance of that much freedom at once, or the inherent cynicism he had learnt to develop towards any of Jarvis' pet projects, this had the feel of a trap. And when Milo felt trapped, he went with what he knew--he went with the Game. Drawing his lucky coin from his pocket, Milo flips it a few times and consults it between each toss. Once he was satisfied at whatever the coin had divined, he stepped forward towards a portal with a most interesting inscription: Beguiler.

[ColdCoffee]

CRAIG shakes its head. Too much interior damage to this vessel. Communication capabilities nonexistent. We advise your exodus if you wish to continue communication efforts.
Each of you step through your selected portal. It feels different, almos as if you were stepping through a shower of puss and jello.

========================================
You appear in a small room, alone, separated from your companions. Mysterious glyphs line the marble walls and floor as you wonder where in the hell you are. The quiet in this room is almost deafening.

The portal behind you closes. No turning back now...

In front of you is a closed iron gate. To your right you see a generous supply of basic survival gear (rope, flint & tinder, rations for a week, knife, a full thermos of water (three days worth)) sorted nicely on a wooden table.

Next to the iron gate you see three levers. Each has a scribbled note above it.

Above the right lever, you read "Open Gate".

Above the middle lever, you read "Certain Death".

Above the left lever, you read "Join Essence, Garner Powers."

As you read these notes, you hear a faint explosion.

[Orderic]

Before stepping through the portal, Rukbat turns to CRAIG and says CRAIG, please go over there and go through the portal, while pointing at the portal labeled as "Rogue".

[ColdCoffee]

As you wish, Lord Jarvis.

The golem walks through the rogue portal.

[Vhaidara]

GAISU takes a deep breath, and pulls the left lever.

[Rhysandphal]

Hm..... I wonder if everyone has a sudden death lever, or if it's just a....'Duskblade' thing.... Gilded Grom's hand lingers over it for a moment, but he decides better of it. No need to tempt fate. I'm sure i'll be doing that plenty soon enough. Sighing, he gathers up all the resources that have been kindly lain out for him then, axe hefted on shoulder just in case, pulls the "Join essence, garner powers" lever.

[androgial]

Lilyeth waits til everyone is gone then searches through the clutter on the table, slowly and methodically. Taking the amulet she found, she decides to wear it. Then she does something no one else tried to do, she tries to pick up the armory closet and take it with her. who knows maybe it could be worth enough food to last a good long while.

*******************


in the cavern of choice, lilyethwanders straight down a path marked ranger, not even bothering to listen to anyone or anything. seems she either knows what she is doing, or doesnt care much and just went down the path she was facing.

***************

inside the small room, she gathers all the items from the table,hefts the closet(if she has it), and pulls all three levers at the same time.

[Orderic]

After a first look around the room, Rukbat's eyes linger on the "certain death" lever.

Um... Why is there... Eh, better not think about it.

He then proceeds to take the gear lying on the table and searches the room once more, just in case something missed his attention and, should nothing turn up, pulls the left lever.

Just in case: Search: [roll0]
I assume that we are still the level 0 Janitors. Otherwise the roll is four points higher.

[OMG PONIES]

Milo

The halfling collects his supplies before quizzically studying the levers. He knew he wasn't going to pull the "Certain Death" lever; that much was certain. However, between the other two it seemed to provide an interesting choice--go it alone or join with the others, perhaps? Maybe this was where he was supposed to choose wisely? As before, Milo had learned that wisdom had little to do with the Rules of the Game. That being said, he takes out his lucky coin and gives it one last flip. "Oi, heads," he says to himself and nods before pulling the lever on the left.

[ColdCoffee]

As you all pull the left lever, you feel your body begin to change. You feel smarter...stronger...faster...more capable...more knowledgable. If these are the souls of legendary champions aiding you, they sure are generous!!

Congrats! You are a level 1 _____! Then, you get an additional 1000exp! Congrats! _____! (If your LA is 0 you should be level 2 now)

Regardless of whether or not you pull the right lever, the gate before you opens. Then, you hear... that damn female voice again. "Thank you for testing the Experimental Portal (EXP) Service! It's been a pleasure serving you. Tell a friend (if you've got one!)

A portal opens in front of you out of thin air. Without warning, it sucks you into its dark swirly vortex in a loud audible SWOOSH.

End of Chapter

Link to Chapter 2! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?363517-3-5e-The-Quest-to-Not-Suck-Chapter-2-The-Jaws-of-Uncertainty)