View Full Version : GitP Blood Bowl Manager Cup - Season 5 (Results, Standings, Schedules)
GITP Blood Bowl Manager Cup - Season V
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This thread is where you will see results, leaders, upcoming matches, and highlights. When highlights get posted, you will recieve a PM directing you here. Feel free to add trash-talk, boasting, and all manner of Blood Bowl talk here.
If you're looking to manage players or make changes to your team, you want the Team Management Thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?361095-GitP-Blood-Bowl-Manager-Cup-Season-V-(Team-Management)).
Blood Bowl Rulebook can be found Here (http://athelassan.webs.com/Competition%20Rules%20Pack.pdf)
Another Link (http://www.thenaf.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/CRP1.pdf)
GitP Bloodbowl Manager Cup Final! Talabheim Eagles vs. Rampant Professionalism Play-By-Play
GitP Cup Final, First Possession
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Welcome bloodbowl fans! This is what we have been waiting all of those weeks to see; the two best teams of season V, facing off to determine who will be taking home the most coveted title in GitP bloodbowl. As the two teams are lined up for the kickoff, the fans are packing it in. Today's matchup features two teams known for explosive offense and strong defense, but something's got to give. The human Talabheim Eagles versus the high elves of Rampant Professionalism. The Eagles are calling the coin toss, and have elected to receive.
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The high elves ready the kickoff and send the ball flipping end over end. Edwin 'The Ballista' Armbruster settles under it, and easily catches the ball. Burgstaller is going deep, van der Veen is staying close to help with protection. RP is moving in, block after successful block on the line of scrimmage! RP's defense is moving in, but the Eagles protection is holding. Armbruster's lanes are all blocked out, he receives some friendly blocks, but he still has nowhere to go. He says "screw it", he's going for the pass! Looooooong sailing pass through the hands of the defenders...
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Johann's caught it, quick spin move for the dodge, TOUCHDOWN! An amazing quick strike to start the match. Let's see what RP does in repsonse...
GitP Cup Final, Second Possession
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The RP defense which has been so stout this season, must be hurting after that drive. The Eagles flat-out embarassed them. No doubt they'll be looking to bounce back here. So here's the Eagles kickoff, a short squib that dooooesn't quite make it into RP territory. The elves elect to have the ball handed to Spring Farshardian, and Princeton Foyer Richardson starts things with a quick sprint and dodge off the line. He's deep in Eagles terrirory, but it looks like the eagles are moving someone to cover.
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Back on the line of scrimmage the Eagles are decimating the elven linemen, no doubt in response to the thrashing they received on the line on the last drive. The Eagles are through, and it's deja vu all over again as this time the Eagles are the ones who have Spring Farshardian surrounded. Farshardian stays cool, sitting in the pocket. He's got nowhere to go, but that doesn't bother him, he's looking...and there's what we were waiting for; completely ignoring the coverman on Richardson, he's sailing the pass his way!
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-And Richardson's got it! A graceful jumping dodge, and Princeton is in! TOUCHDOWN! Not even half way through the first half, and both teams are on the board. Unbelievable! The Eagles will need to score on this next possession if they want to keep in this game...
GitP Cup Final, Third Possession
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The elves send the kickoff deep and Armbruster is moving to recover. Armbruster muffs the pickup! Johann Burgstaller is moving into RP territory, and the elves are trying to gain penetration on the line. Armbruster goes for the pick up again, and misses it! Back on the line, the humans are holding strong, no elf has managed to get across the half way line, and finally Edwin gets hold of the ball.
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Good timing too, because the human line has cracked, and elves are now pouring through! Armbruster has no protection, this could be a coup for the elf defense- Armbruster is clearing the ball! Who is he throwing it to? The ball sails past the defenders into the hands of Christian Rameckers.
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Remeckers breaks left, it looks like he's going to hand it off to Johann; but he doesn't! Remeckers runs past Johann, but now the heroics of the humans back on the line of scrimmage may be their downfall. There are plenty of elves in place to interdict, and they're sticking to Rameckers like glue as he fights his way upfield. He's got two cover men, with two on the way, Johann in coverage, are they going to attempt a peel?
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No! Rameckers makes and outstanding leaping dodge and gets free of the RP defenders! He's in the clear; TOUCHDOWN! The Eagles are back on top. There isn't much time left in the half, and it looks like RP is going to need to wait until the second half to give a proper response this time.
GitP Cup Final, Fourth Possession
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The Eagles kick the ball off to start the second half, a deep end over end kick that settles near the RP endzone. Spring Farshardian moves to pick up the ball, and the second half is underway as Richardson again moves into Eagle territory.
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Looks like the Eagles are doing a number on the RP line, and the humans are through. Several Eagles players are bearing down on Spring, and he's going for the hail mary...the pass is no good! An innacurate pass bounces to a stop after clearing the half way line, and Lukas Amersvoort is there to recover!
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Ouch! What's this? It looks like Örvar-Oddr is making sure Princeton won't be giving the Eagles any more trouble in this match!
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But here come the elves! RP players are dodging all over the place to collapse on Amersvoort, the humans are heavily outnumbered as they are falling back to assist. Will they make it in time? No! Strong block on Amersvoort; he's down and the ball is loose! Wilhelm Porto recovers for the elves and breaks free with the ball.
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He's approaching the endzone, and he trips! Porto gets laid out with only himself to blame! The Eagles are moving to recover, and Bastian Rompaey gets the ball. RP is closing fast, Rompaey's in trouble. More eagles are incoming, but the elves have the advantage in numbers. Rompaey's down! Porto's back on his feet, he grabs the ball...
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Stutter-steps, and he's in! TOUCHDOWN! RP has evened the score again, but they may be in some serious trouble. The Eagles have enough time to retake the lead before the end, and if they do, there won't be time for RP to tie it up again. It's going to come down to this last Eagles possession...
GitP Cup Final, Fifth Possession, End of Regulation
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The vaunted high elf defense will need to play up to their repuation to save this match now. With little time left, the RP kickoff is up. Armbruster moving to recover the ball as Johann extends into RP territory. Armbruster has it. Clock ticking down, Spring Farshardian on the coverage for Johann, he's positioning himself between Armbruster and Johann. Armbruster needs to make a move...
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Armbruster throws...LEAPING GRAB by Spring Farshardian! INTERCEPTION! That ends the half! This one's going into overtime!
GitP Cup Final, Sixth Possession, Overtime
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So as we head into overtime, the apothecary tents have been restocked, and the teams have made the coin toss. The elves have won the toss and are electing to receive. Spring Farshardian is back to receive the kick, and moving to recover- no- Zos Baxsullar picks up the ball. Oh! and we have a foul on the play back near the half-way line.
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The ref just sent one of the Talabheim players packing. RP is sending three receivers deep. Zos is bringing the ball forward on the ground, but the Eagles MUST respect the pass against this high elf team. They've got multiple players covering the elf receivers, they can't bring their full defense to bear. Zos is past the half way line, into Eagle territory, this is most definitely a run play now. One of the Eagles safeties are abandoning his receiver, it's Zilberschalg, a risky strategy. Blitz! There's the hit! Zilberschlag strips the ball!
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The teams are battling for the loose ball, missed pickup, another missed pickup, and another! A woeful ballhandling display by both sides. No support forthcoming in the minor scrum. Here's Armbruster, this time he has it. He's clearing the ball upfield- INTERCEPTED! An interception by high elf lineman Chad!
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Chad brings it in, but time is ticking down. He needs to make something happen before the half or else the Eagles will be getting the ball back. He pushes forward, needs to throw...no open receivers, he's going for it anyways. It's up...ÖRVAR-ODDR INTERCEPTS! Amazing! An ogre interception of a high elf! Örvar reverses the drive after his teammates clear the elf defenders, but there isn't enough time. As the seconds tick down, the teams are going into the second half of the overtime period...
GitP Cup Final, Seventh Possession, Overtime
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So this is the situation the high elves did not want to be in. Missing a handful of players and kicking off to the Eagles in sudden death. Here's the kick by Spring Farshardian, mid-depth on the right hand wing of the eagles. Armbruster is moving to make the pickup and he's got it. Johann is going deep for the Eagles, we've seen this before. BUT HERE COMES A DESPERATION BLITZ BY THE ELVES! One elf closing all alone on Armbruster, and ARMBRUSTER'S DOWN!
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Great blitz, but can the elves get there in time to recover? Several RP players closing in, but a favorable bounce by the ball has it just out of their reach. Eagles are rallying, protecting the ball, and Zilberschalg recovers. Veen and Johann are still deep. RP has to respect the pass even with a blitzer in possession with the reputation of the Eagles. Zilberschalg is moving to midfield, he's across the half way line...
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The RP safeties are moving to intercept, they've got Zilberschalg surrounded. The Eagles catchers are returning downfield to slow down the RP response, it's all on Zilberschalg now! One RP defender remaining, Erik's one protector can't make the peel, Zilberschalg jumps away for the dodge, HE'S AWAY! He's got open field in front of him- TOUCHDOWN! TOUCHDOWN AND ZILBERSCHLAG WINS IT FOR THE EAGLES! A dramatic end to a dramatic match. The high elves are looking on in amazement. The stands are erupting as the celebrations begin on the Talabheim sidelines and the players and staff take the field in celebration. The humans are embracing their high elf opponents, congratulating one another on a match well-played by both sides. After one of the best matches in GitP Cup history, the Talabheim Eagles, the team of destiny, are the Season V GitP Bloodbowl Manager Cup champions! And well-deserved!
Hail to the Champions of Season Five!
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The victorious champs! In their Season 5 Pre-Cup Photoshoot.
Hail to the Champions of Season Five!
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Drive Chart
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Talabheim Eagles Match Statistics
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Rampant Professionalism Match Statistics
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Talabheim Eagles SPP/Injury Report
NumberNameSPPInjury
1 Edwin 'The Ballista' Armbruster 2 -
2 Örvar-Oddr 4 -
4 Erik Zilberschlag 3 -
5 Christian Rameckers 3 -
6 Konrad van der Veen 7 -
13 Johann Burgstaller 3 -
Rampant Professionalism SPP/Injury Report
NumberNameSPPInjury
1 Wilhelm Porto 5 Gouged Eye (Miss Next Game)
2 Zos Baxsullar 2 -
3 Spring Farshardian 3 -
4 Princeton Foyer Richardson 3 Damaged Back (Niggling Injury)
7 Stan 'Standard' Weights - Fractured Arm (Miss Next Game)
8 Luno 'Gibbous' Moon 5 -
12 Chad 2 -
Talabheim Eagles Winnings: $150,000, +1 Factor
Rampant Professionalism Winnings: $70,000, +0 Factor
The Talabheim Eagles take home the GitP Fantasy BloodBowl Cup, granting +1 Team Rerolls (added to team value as normal) for as long as they defend their championship.
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Season Awards Announced!
Most Valuable Player - Kowen, Selene's Seductive Strut
Offensive Player of the Year - Tony Hesperaxian, Anlec Razors
Defensive Player of the Year - Narthug, Da Monsters of Da Midden
Offensive Rookie of the Year - Edwin 'The Ballista' Armbruster, Talabheim Eagles
Defensive Rookie of the Year - Jekyl, Sneak Kings
*See Wiki (http://gitp-bbl.wikia.com/wiki/Season_V_Awards) for award details*
League Wiki (http://gitp-bbl.wikia.com/wiki/GITP_Blood_Bowl_League_Wiki)
Division A Standings
RankTeamTeam ValueWinsLossesDrawsDiv. RecordStreakPoints
1 Talabheim Eagles 16108214-1-0D129
2 Selene's Seductive Strut 1590 7313-2-0L125
3 Sweet Feet 15405423-2-0W220
4 The Bloodknights 1590 4522-3-0D116
5 Da Monsters of Da Midden 13103623-2-0L214
6 Twisted Rotten 810 (930)1910-5-0D14
Division B Standings
RankTeamTeam ValueWinsLossesDrawsDiv. RecordStreakPoints
1 Rampant Professionalism 13407314-1-0L126
2 Anlec Razors 16705334-1-0W222
3 Crooked Peak 1660 5422-3-0D119
4 Low-Down Dirty Rats 13504612-2-1W115
5 Sneak Kings 11804521-4-0D115
6 Murder, Arson, Jaywalking 1300 4611-3-1W114
Upcoming Week's Inducements
Regular Season Schedule and Results
Week 1:
HOME-AWAY
Sweet Feet 0 - 1 Sneak Kings
Anlec Razors 2 - 2 The Bloodknights
Talabheim Eagles 0 - 1 Da Monsters of Da Midden
Selene's Seductive Strut 2 - 1 Low-Down Dirty Rats
Crooked Peak 2 - 0 Murder, Arson, Jaywalking
Rampant Professionalism 2 - 1 Twisted Rotten
Week 2: Rookies' Week!
HOME-AWAY
Sweet Feet 4 - 0 Murder, Arson, Jaywalking
Low-Down Dirty Rats 0 - 1 Twisted Rotten
Da Monsters of Da Midden 0 - 1 Rampant Professionalism
The Bloodknights 1 - 0 Crooked Peak
Sneak Kings 1 - 1 Selene's Seductive Strut
Anlec Razors 1 - 2 Talabheim Eagles
Week 3:
HOME-AWAY
Sweet Feet 2 - 2 Rampant Professionalism
Twisted Rotten 0 - 2 Crooked Peak
Murder, Arson, Jaywalking 1 - 2 Selene's Seductive Strut
Low-Down Dirty Rats 1 - 2 Talabheim Eagles
Da Monsters of Da Midden 1 - 1 Anlec Razors
The Bloodknights 1 - 2 Sneak Kings
Week 4:
HOME-AWAY
Talabheim Eagles 3 - 1 Sweet Feet
Selene's Seductive Strut 2 - 1 Anlec Razors
Crooked Peak 2 - 0 Sneak Kings
Rampant Professionalism 1 - 2 The Bloodknights
Twisted Rotten 0 - 2 Da Monsters of Da Midden
Murder, Arson, Jaywalking 2 - 2 Low-Down Dirty Rats
Week 5: Star Player Action Week
HOME-AWAY
Low-Down Dirty Rats 0 - 4 Sweet Feet
Da Monsters of Da Midden 0 - 1 Murder, Arson, Jaywalking
The Bloodknights 1 - 0 Twisted Rotten
Sneak Kings 0 - 4 Rampant Professionalism
Anlec Razors 4 - 0 Crooked Peak
Talabheim Eagles 3 - 1 Selene's Seductive Strut
Week 6:
HOME-AWAY
Twisted Rotten 0 - 2 Sweet Feet
Murder, Arson, Jaywalking 0 - 4 Rampant Professionalism
Low-Down Dirty Rats 2 - 0 Crooked Peak
Da Monsters of Da Midden 0 - 1 Selene's Seductive Strut
The Bloodknights 1 - 2 Talabheim Eagles
Sneak Kings 2 - 1 Anlec Razors
All-Division Week: Snotling Derby and Mid-Season Reports
Bad Badenhof-Bad Badenhof
Division A All-Stars 2 - 1 (OT) Division B All-Stars
Week 8:
HOME-AWAY
Sweet Feet 0 - 1 Da Monsters of Da Midden
The Bloodknights 0 - 2 Low-Down Dirty Rats
Sneak Kings 0 - 1 Murder, Arson, Jaywalking
Anlec Razors 3 - 0 Twisted Rotten
Talabheim Eagles 1 - 2 Rampant Professionalism
Selene's Seductive Strut 1 - 2 Crooked Peak
Week 9:
HOME-AWAY
Crooked Peak 1 - 0 Sweet Feet
Rampant Professionalism 1 - 2 Selene's Seductive Strut
Twisted Rotten 1 - 2 Talabheim Eagles
Murder, Arson, Jaywalking 1 - 2 Anlec Razors
Low-Down Dirty Rats 3 - 0 Sneak Kings
Da Monsters of Da Midden 0 - 3 The Bloodknights
Week 10: Player Swap Week
HOME-AWAY
Sweet Feet 1 - 1 Anlec Razors
Talabheim Eagles 3 - 2 Sneak Kings
Selene's Seductive Strut 2 - 1 The Bloodknights
Crooked Peak 1 - 1 Da Monsters of Da Midden
Rampant Professionalism 3 - 1 Low-Down Dirty Rats
Twisted Rotten 0 - 1 Murder, Arson, Jaywalking
Week 11:
HOME-AWAY
The Bloodknights 2 - 3 Sweet Feet
Sneak Kings 2 - 0 Da Monsters of Da Midden
Anlec Razors 4 - 2 Low-Down Dirty Rats
Talabheim Eagles 2 - 1 Murder, Arson, Jaywalking
Selene's Seductive Strut 2 - 0 Twisted Rotten
Crooked Peak 0 - 3 Rampant Professionalism
Week 12:
HOME-AWAY
Sweet Feet 3 - 2 Selene's Seductive Strut
Crooked Peak 1 - 1 Talabheim Eagles
Rampant Professionalism 1 - 3 Anlec Razors
Twisted Rotten 1 - 1 Sneak Kings
Murder, Arson, Jaywalking 2 - 2 The Bloodknights
Low-Down Dirty Rats 2 - 1 Da Monsters of Da Midden
Playoff Schedules and Results
The Crud! Cup:
Neutral-Field
Da Monsters of Da Midden 2 - 1 (OT) Murder, Arson, Jaywalking
Playoff Quarter-Finals:
MatchHOME-AWAY
1 Talabheim Eagles 2 - 1 The Bloodknights
2 Rampant Professionalism 2 - 0 Low-Down Dirty Rats
3 Selene's Seductive Strut 2 - 3 (OT) Sweet Feet
4 Anlec Razors 2 - 0 Crooked Peak
Playoff Semi-Finals:
MatchHOME-AWAY
1 Talabheim Eagles 3 - 2 Sweet Feet
2 Rampant Professionalism 1 - 0 Anlec Razors
GITP Cup Final:
Neutral-Field
Talabheim Eagles 3 - 2 (OT) Rampant Professionalism
Aedilred
2014-07-09, 01:30 PM
Final League Leaders
Players marked with asterisks took part in the Week 7 All-Division Match.
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles62
2Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors54
3Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet45
4Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut42
5Chord Horrid*Murder, Arson and Jaywalking38
6Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut36
7Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism35
8GrotDa Monsters of da Midden33
9Scutter*Low-Down Dirty Rats32
10JekylSneak Kings31
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles16
2Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet13
3Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut12
4Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism11
5Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors10
6KowenSelene's Seductive Strut8
7ScutterLow-Down Dirty Rats7
8The KingSneak Kings6
=9Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak5
=9Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism5
=9GorberSelene's Seductive Strut5
=9Johann BurgstallerTalabheim Eagles5
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles14
=2LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats5
=2Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism5
=2Spring FardashianRampant Professionalism5
=5Derk von DuneheimBloodknights2
=5Chase FardashianRampant Professionalism2
=5The KingSneak Kings2
=5Kinked KalosSweet Feet2
=5Bastian von RompaeyTalabheim Eagles2
=10Edwin OrilAnlec Razors1
=10Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors1
=10Lucius von DuneheimBloodknights1
=10WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden1
=10Cole “Black” StacksRampant Professionalism1
=10Zos BaxsullarRampant Professionalism1
=10Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut1
=10Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet1
=10Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles1
=10Reimund van HoutenTalabheim Eagles1
=10Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
1Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut11
2Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut10
3GrotDa Monsters of da Midden9
=4JekylSneak Kings8
=4Örvar-Oddr Talabheim Eagles8
6StingerSelene's Seductive Strut7
=7Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak6
=7RipperStar Player6
=9Morg 'n' Thorg Star Player5
=9NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden5
=9Dangerous BeanzLow-Down Dirty Rats5
=9MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking5
=9EbenezerSneak Kings5
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut11
2Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut10
3GrotDa Monsters of da Midden9
=4JekylSneak Kings8
=4Örvar-Oddr Talabheim Eagles8
5StingerSelene's Seductive Strut7
=6Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak6
=6RipperSneak Kings (Star Player)6
=8NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden5
=8Dangerous BeanzLow-Down Dirty Rats5
=8MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking5
=8EbenezerSneak Kings5
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors2
=1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut2
=3Slammy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3KrotDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3BadzodDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3ZogteefDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3Glart Smashrip, Jr.Low-Down Dirty Rats (Star)1
=3Lurig ChrushMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=3HookSelene's Seductive Strut1
=3NoludSelene's Seductive Strut1
=3JebSneak Kings1
=3Grak'ng'Grak GothagSweet Feet (Star Player)1
=3Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
=3Örvar-Oddr Talabheim Eagles1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles2
=2Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors1
=2Derk von DuneheimBloodknights1
=2Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=2Grisel ShagburnMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=2Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten1
=2ChadRampant Professionalism1
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet488
2Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut422
3Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak392
4Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors390
5Derk von DuneheimBloodknights348
6LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats328
7Chord HorridMurder, Arson and Jaywalking318
8The KingSneak Kings316
9WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden296
10Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten280
Post-Season Leaders
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles15
=2Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet10
=2Örvar-OddrTalabheim Eagles10
=4Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism9
=4Johann BurgstallerTalabheim Eagles9
=4Spring FardashianRampant Professionalism9
=6Iago TantarellaAnlec Razors8
=6Wilhelm PortoRampant Professionalism8
8Penny SenseRampant Professionalism7
9Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles6
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1GorberSelene's Seductive Strut5
=2Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet3
=2Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut3
=2Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism3
=2KowenSelene's Seductive Strut3
=2Johann BurgstallerTalabheim Eagles3
7Wilhelm PortoRampant Professionalism2
=8Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles1
=8Konrad the KrazyBloodknights1
=8Kinked KalosSweet Feet1
=8Drox “Destroyer of All Dreams” FetlockMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=8Lady Jezebel LeFevreAnlec Razors1
=8WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden1
=8NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden1
=8Bastian von RompaeyTalabheim Eagles1
=8Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles1
=8Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles1
=8Iago TantarellaAnlec Razors1
=8Vysaga Jr.Sweet Feet1
=8Christian RameckersTalabheim Eagles1
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles3
=2Spring FardashianRampant Professionalism2
=3Lucius von DuneheimBloodknights1
=3Zos BaxsullarRampant Professionalism1
=3Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
1Örvar-Oddr Talabheim Eagles4
2GrotDa Monsters of da Midden2
=3Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak1
=3MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=3Blaend EdjutBloodknights1
=3Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3BlakeRampant Professionalism1
=3Zos BaxsullarRampant Professionalism1
=3CastielBloodknights1
=3Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Penny SenseRampant Professionalism1
=3Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles1
=3Wilhelm PortoRampant Professionalism1
=3Mister TeaSweet Feet1
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking3
=2KrotDa Monsters of da Midden2
=2Experiment IVSweet Feet2
=2Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles2
=5Blaend EdjutBloodknights1
=5Lucius von Duneheim*Bloodknights1
=5Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak1
=5Floppy AlehammerCrooked Peak1
=5Smarty DarkbeardCrooked Peak1
=5BronxLow-Down Dirty Rats1
=5LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats1
=5Irie MaulMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=5BludgeonbarryMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=5LanceRampant Professionalism1
=5Wilhelm PortoRampant Professionalism1
=5Zos BaxsullarRampant Professionalism1
=5Luno “Gibbous” MoonRampant Professionalism1
=5Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut1
=5Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet1
=5Dirk WestenbergTalabheim Eagles1
=5Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
=5Örvar-Oddr Talabheim Eagles1
=5Christiaan RameckersTalabheim Eagles1
=5Johann BurgstallerTalabheim Eagles1
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
1Örvar-Oddr Talabheim Eagles1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles2
2ChadRampant Professionalism1
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet128
2WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden70
3Johann BurgstallerTalabheim Eagles68
4Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak64
5Tarquin MandevilleAnlec Razors58
6Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles54
=7LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats46
=7Vysaga Jr.Sweet Feet46
9Bastian von RompaeyTalabheim Eagles42
10Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism40
http://imageshack.us/a/img12/7245/jipq.gif (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/12/jipq.gif/)
Your #1 source for blood bowl.
Post-Season Roundup
Cardinal Took
Our eight playoff teams have fought their way into the cup quarterfinals, so we here at Murder! thought it would be nice to compile some graphs of each team's offensive and defensive performance, and compare them to the league average. The first graph shows each playoff teams' scoring by week. On this graph, breaching the red line is a good thing. The second graph shows each playoff teams' defensive performance; how many touchdowns they surrendered. Breaching the red line on this graph is a bad thing. I'll leave the rest of the analysis to you.
http://i1364.photobucket.com/albums/r725/hrafnkolbrandr/OffensivePerformance_zps5b47a664.png (http://s1364.photobucket.com/user/hrafnkolbrandr/media/OffensivePerformance_zps5b47a664.png.html)
http://i1364.photobucket.com/albums/r725/hrafnkolbrandr/DefensivePerformance_zps7eb6847f.png (http://s1364.photobucket.com/user/hrafnkolbrandr/media/DefensivePerformance_zps7eb6847f.png.html)
The next graph tracks Playoff Marketshare. This is actually a figure derived from a collection of derived stats, which gives a final figure representing each team's chances of successfully navigating the playoffs and achieving a Cup Title. This chart will be updated each week, with recalculated derived stats based on team performance. In addition, winning teams will "consume" the market share of the teams they beat to take into account the level of opposition they are capable of overcoming.
http://i1364.photobucket.com/albums/r725/hrafnkolbrandr/POMarket_zps0bc27a9b.png (http://s1364.photobucket.com/user/hrafnkolbrandr/media/POMarket_zps0bc27a9b.png.html)
...and finally, our most popular chart; which needs no explanation at all:
http://i1364.photobucket.com/albums/r725/hrafnkolbrandr/POSexy_zps79e7df08.png (http://s1364.photobucket.com/user/hrafnkolbrandr/media/POSexy_zps79e7df08.png.html)
TheTyrantis
2014-07-10, 01:15 PM
EBC News - Empire Broadcasting Corporation
Blitzer Passing Tactic Saves Game for Eagles
Last week, the humans of the Talabheim Eagles delivered another exciting game as they took on the destructive force of the goblinoid Sneak Kings. The Sneak Kings kicked-off first, which allowed Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster to take possession of the ball. After passing over the stumpy Goblins, Konrad van der Veen did what he did best – catch a ball from Edwin and score. But plenty of time was left on the clock, so the bashy O-line of the Sneak Kings still had a chance to get back in the game. Loanee vampire Castiel fielded the ball, which worked until he needed a blood bag off-the-pitch, letting blitzer Erik Zilberschlag to pick it up. It didn’t last long before The King tripped him up and converted the turnover to tie the game.
The Eagles would kick-off the second half by giving the ball to the Sneak Kings. Castiel would get the ball, and his drinking problem struck again as he beelined for the sideline. A rare moment as Johann Burgstaller ran in and picked up the ball, who then raced his way into the endzone for a defensive touchdown by the secondary catcher! With half of the… half, the Goblins figured out not to give the vampire the ball and The King started the drive. With a weakened wing, blitzer Reimund von Houten stormed in, but was tripped up by a goblin and landed on a blade thrown on the pitch by a Goblin fan, killing him instantly! The Humans showed off their displeasure as brawls broke out in the stand, but were contained in time enough to prevent the clock stoppage. With the discord in the stands, the Eagles didn’t spot the pogoer launch a ball into the backfield for Goblin Crackles to somehow catch it, and then the stubby, disgusting creature scored to level the game 2-2! Things looked like it would end that way, but the Eagles broke out their Hail Mary play when Bastian von Rompaey received the ball. Konrad went deep, and just like in Week 2 Bastian let one loose! The ball was accurate and caught by the catcher, who ended the Sneak Kings’ sneakiness with the go-ahead TD and his fourteenth of the year. Konrad is now 3 TDs away from tying the league and rookie season record for TDs.
Eagles Rise Again Against Nurgle
After suffering defeat in Week 8 against the Elves, managerless Twisted Rotten came to the Bastion of Sigmar to plague the stadium. Eagles kicked-off first and the ball went to Horineh the Bloated, who could have done well if it were not for poor defending. The Eagles sacked the Pestigor, and a surprise run from Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster allowed him to score a TD for himself. The Eagles kicked away again, but the half ended in a bore defensive struggle between the teams.
In the second half, the Humans would receive for once, but the pus-and-slime covered ball made Edwin fumble the kick-off! A rare attack into the Eagles’ half by the Twisted Rotten saw Horineh take possession and then jog his way into the end zone, which repulsed the Talabheim faithful and some died from the smell. After the ref cleaned the ball, Nurgle gave the ball back to the humans, and this time Edwin would get a second bite at the rotten apple as his catchers flooded into the fly-infested Nurgle side. Eventually, none other than Konrad van der Veen would get into a pocket of space and Edwin unleashed his signature long ball that Konrad clutched to his chest and scored the go-ahead TD.
Talabheim Eagles sit top of Division A with 6 wins, 2 losses, and 22 points. Selene’s Seductive Strut is in the chase behind the humans, the Skaven buoyed 5 points out from Talabcland team.
The Ballista, van der Veen Nominated for Season Awards
Before the Talabheim Eagles started this season, no one really had much expectation for the humans perhaps a consolation place in the wild card spot. Something happened in Talabheim, though. Either the hand of Sigmar himself guides this team, dark magic is abound the Bastion of Sigmar, or the traditional drug abuse has made the Eagles the best team in the league as of this writing. The key players for the team are rather unquestionable: Thrower Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster and Catcher Konrad van der Veen, one of the best partnerships in the current league set-up. For all their worth, do they deserve a trophy? I’m biased, but I say yes.
Edwin and Konrad were recently shortlisted in Murder! Magazine for Most Valuable Player and Offensive Player of the Year (and the Rookie one), respectively. I’ll start with Edwin. The Thrower has been living up to his nickname as most of his throws have been long bombs designed to maximize the human’s quick attack play. Edwin has now thrown 9 passes, 4 behind the rookie season record set by Arms in Season I, and all of them have been converted by Konrad for a Touchdown. It should go without saying that it wouldn’t matter if Konrad had the touchdowns in the first place, Edwin is what makes the team tick. His competition is Tony Hesperaxian from the Razors, who makes a good case for MVP, and reigning MVP Kowen. While Tony has 3 years of experience, this is the first year where a manager had not abandoned him and he was finally allowed to shine. He sits behind Konrad in the scoring table with 8 TDs and has even accumulated 2 kills, showing off the versatile skills that he’s gained when all of his teams were being dragged through mud. Kowen, on the other hand, has made 4 TDs and leads the defensive charts, even more impressive than his fellow teammate Doc Nutsmasher.
Konrad, as we stated already, wouldn’t be in contention for OPY if it wasn’t for Edwin’s passing, but he shows the intelligence to get open and allow The Ballista to take his risky passes all the time, but he is up against Tony Hesperaxian again, along with Krusty Kallypso, Scutter, and The King.
In my opinion, and this is how I will be lining up my season picks if all stays the same, Edwin would be my MVP pick, Tony Hesperaxian Offensive Player of the Year and Konrad for Rookie Offensive Player of the Year.
Miracle Run Ends – Eagles Lose to Elves
It was bound to happen eventually, and it has as the Human’s elfball was inferior as they were manhandled by Rampant Professionalism. Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster received, and things looked promising at first as Konrad van der Veen and Johann Burgstaller went deep. With Burgstaller open, Edwin threw to the available man, but a rare fumbled throw occurred and was picked up by Cole “Black” Stacks, who then ran it upfield before handing it to Princeton Foyer Richardson for the first Rampant Professionalism TD. Things didn’t improve as ogre Orvar-Oddr was snake-bitten by the Elves and was momentarily knocked out of the match as the Elves retook possession, although the Humans were saved by the bell for halftime.
As the second half as the Humans penetrated by the Elves from behind again, rookie thrower Spring Farshardian sent a spiraling throw over the Eagles’ defenders to his sibling Chase, who then made a skip-and-a-hop for a second TD. Consolation was on the cards, however, as Edwin and Konrad linked up for a league-leading 11th TD.
Other Stories
Twist in Leriel’s Story as Murder! Magazine Hijacked by (Formerly Living) Coach
Kraktoof Hallaz Suspected of Money Laundering After 10,000 Credits Discovered Missing
Love Triangle Between Fredo D. Stefani, Annie Rattox, and Skeggjöld Revealed!
Season Report Card
If you told this guy that we would be leading the league with a rookie team, I probably would have called you a liar. But, somehow, that’s what we’ve managed so far. With luck and skill, we’ve won five in a row, thanks to some great play within our college bowl teams and the experience is paying our expenses pretty well as Talabcland fans start to show up more and more every match. Even the training ground mess-arounds have worked with the Blitzers even managing to help us out. If you know anything about Outrageous Cretaceous, you would realize a touchdown by anything not designed to be a runner or catcher is something I’m not familiar with.
So here’s how we’ve done so far:
Offense 9/10
Besides our season opener against the Orcs, we’ve put up 2 or more TDs a game. I consider that a booming success considering the inexperience of the Eagles. We play a bit like an Elf team, but the Blitzers have scored a couple defensive TDs... and Griff Oberwald, too. McMurty’s were certainly kind enough to supply him when we signed that short term contract to help us beat Triple-S.
Defense 7/10
Like our offense, our defense is just as consistent. By consistent, I mean we’ve given up 1 TD every match so far. As mentioned, our team is still inexperienced so the line isn’t full of block yet, so they’re not as stalwart as the above-strength Sauruses in Lustria. They’re not exactly lighting up the defensive tables, either. Not unexpected, but feels like they could do a little more, even if we still have a surprisingly impressive record.
Passing 9/10
Only 1 missed pass out of 10 attempts, and it was by a Blitzer that threw an interception. 9 out of 10 seem ironically convenient for a grade…
Running 2/10
…But this means we’ve only relied on one play style. The Lizardmen running has gone extinct for now except for defensive plays.
Fan Safety 4/10
There have been a few riots since the Eagles began playing in the league, but I think the worst that’s happened so far just happened in the last match when Bastian von Rompaey was hit by a boulder and knocked out. We’re not sure where it came from, but the Vampire fans have proved unruly in our first meeting, and so have the Skaven. Clearly we need to step up security so they don’t hurt the players.
Sexiness 10/10
We got Fredo D. Stefani, Edwin Armbruster, and the fine ladies of the Eaglettes. Your move, Elves!
Other Stories
Bloodknights Player Konrad ze Crazy Arrested in Talabheim after Murder Plot Uncovered, Evades Capture via Dragon
Eagles’ Catcher Konrad van der Veen Dodges All-Star Week, No Connection to Assassination Attempt
Former Sabres Thrower Spotted in Talabheim Scouting Homes
Avians Topple Rodents to Beat All Three Rat Teams
Last season, the surprisingly lucky (and intellectual) Ogres of Blind Faith pondered the existence of the Gods and were left without an answer, and most likely funding as they were discontinued without a word. In the Bastion of Sigmar, however, they seem to be real as the Talabheim Eagles continue their perplexing run of wins, the streak now four.
With Bloodweiser Girls on the sideline to keep the player’s morale up, while the appearance of Ex-Reikland Reavers stars Griff Oberwald and The Mighty Zug bolstered a mostly-inexperienced Human side, the Eagles played against Selene’s Seductive Strut. The other side, unlike the Eagles, possessed former all-star favorites Kowen and Doc Nutsmasher in the line-up on an unbeaten team, also being bolstered by Ogre Grak'Ng'Grak Gorthag. After the crowd calmed down, the ref began the game as the Eagles received first… to Blitzer Bastian von Rompaey. Things didn’t look too good for the men as the rats and goblins swarmed the lines and breaking down their defense. Bastian was brought down halfway through the half, allowing Triple-S thrower Diggles Bouldercod to claim the ball and score the first touchdown. But Talabheim would receive again, and Edwin was handed the ball after the kick-off went out of bounds. Konrad van der Veen and new signing Johann Burgstaller ran into the deep field as the Humans kept Edwin safe. It wasn’t very long until the pass launched to Konrad van der Veen, the pass and catch impeccable as the wanted man finished the half by tying the game.
The Humans punted to the Underworld team to start the second half, landing in the paws of Diggles Bouldercod. With Doc and Gorthag spaced out on the line, the Humans pressed into the Triple-S defense and mercenary Griff Oberwald decimated the thrower, knocking him out cold with a big hit. Oberwald then picked up the ball and ran in the go-ahead touchdown. Riots broke out in the stands after the resulting touchdown as Selene and the Eaglettes broke into their dance routines, the fans hardly able to contain themselves! The goblin ref reset the clock as the ball began near the line of scrimmage from a short kick. Luckily for the humans, the Underworld big guys continued to try and remember what they were doing and the Eagles took advantage of this fact again. As back-up thrower Pazz Thubbock tried to go it alone and be a hero, Oberwald reminded the Triple-S why the Reikland Reavers were one of the best teams in Blood Bowl and sacked him, ending the Underworld attempt. Things got worse for Triple-S as “The Ballista” was close enough to take the ball, and using some extra arm strength, he pulled back and tossed it downfield to Konrad again, jogging it in for the third and final touchdown, placing the rookie Talabheim team first in Division A. Somehow.
Other Stories
Edwin Armbruster Suspected of Cult Activity after Playing With Three Arms; No Comment from Officials
Khemri Prince Scams Sweep across the Empire
Dodgebomb Outlawed in Goblin Schools, Too Violent
Eagles Notch Third Consecutive Win
The Humans made it 2-for-2 against rat opposition after a compelling 3-1 victory against the delusional Sweet Feet in front of a home crowd at the Bastion of Sigmar. Link-up play continued to be the primary offense for the Eagles, however the Blitzers were able to pay some revenues as Leriel watched his experimental play crumble. While the Stormvermin Skaven were on the line of scrimmage, #3 Bastian von Rompaey started the counter by beating down gutter runner Kinematics Kane and stomping on his ankle, smashing it in the process before being able to dispossess thrower McHermano after their play broke down. Opting to take the ball, he converted the tackle for a touchdown. The Skaven were able to tie the game before the half. Edwin was able to make the go-ahead throw to Konrad van der Veen, while the Eagles managed a third TD after being sacked in the Eagles half, allowing Edwin to fling the pigskin to Konrad, who had ran into the Skaven end unimpeded with their attention diverted.
After the game, Edwin, Konrad, and the Eaglettes stayed to sign autographs, with excited and optimistic fans alike taking the time to meet with their up-and-coming heroes while they could.
The Eagles will take on the ferocious Underworld team Selene’s Seductive Strut, where head coach TheTyrantis plans to take as much advantages as he can during the Star Player weekend. He declined comments as to what his plan was and who he wanted to hire.
McMurty’s, Big Moot Sandwiches Sign Sponsorship Deal with Talabheim Eagles
The Halfling owners of Food Company McMurty’s have signed a short-term, undisclosed deal with the Talabheim Eagles. The deal will include advertising for McMurty’s products around the stadium, while exclusive cut-price concessions can be found throughout the ground now.
TheTyrantis will be looking to put this funding to well use during their next match against Triple-S.
Other Stories
New Skaven Team: The Bohemian Ratsodies – Real Life, or Just Fantasy?
Inspired Blood Bowl Player Comes Out as Gay after Nikole Trush Saga; Remains Anonymous
Selene of Triple-S Becomes Latest Teenage Heartthrob in the Empire after Crow Posts Public Profile
Training Ground Play Leads to Late Victory
The Talabheim Eagles played the Nuffle forsaken Skaven of Low-Down Dirty Rats, teams with similar tactics regarding their teams. Despite neither team getting a score in the first half, new coach addition Fredo D. Stefani, a former player for who head coach TheTyrantis has much respect for, helped lead the defense from the side and oversaw Lukas von Amervoort’s possible breakout game after inflicting three casualties and a kill. Fortunately the line was able to keep their shape and kept the Skaven from making any progress, even if Edwin and Konrad couldn’t find a way to link-up.
In the second half, however, the line fell from the speed and athleticism of the Gutter Runners and now-primary Skaven thrower Lobbitt was able to make an easy throw to put the rats on the board. Riots ensued in the crowd and the game had to be stopped as Sigmarite security escorted unruly Skaven from the stands. The clock was reset and the Eagles took full effect of it, scoring within two ticks of the clock with another pin-point pass from The Ballista! With the scored tied at one-a-piece, the Skaven swarmed the Human half, but the Humans managed to make Lobbitt fumble and was recovered by Blitzer Erik Zilberschlag. With time running out and Edwin too far away, the defender unleashed a Hail Mary pass down field that was somehow accurate and even in the hands of Konrad van der Veen! The catcher was wide-open and only needed to stroll into the end zone to win a second consecutive match for the humans.
After the game, coach TheTyrantis commented, “It was a training ground play they messed around with. If the catcher was ever out, we would still need to make Konrad our main attacking outlet whether he was running it himself or someone else had to throw it. The Blitzers had to test their arms while bashing on the training equipment, so we let them throw a little bit. Goes to show that sometimes training does work out.”
Erik Zilberschlag also mentioned in an astute press conference, “It was simple – pick the ball up and throw it down field. Not that difficult.”
Disaster After Scarcrag Snivellers Attempt Infamous Grom Red-Axe Touchdown
While playing the Orcland Raiders in an exhibition match in Skull Stadium in downtown Orcland, an explosion erupted from the arena after the Goblin team Scarcrag Snivellers had smuggled an illegal cannon into the grounds to try and re-enact the Cannon Touchdown performed by Grom Red-Axe of the Dwarf Warhammerers.
The touchdown is the longest in Blood Bowl history, officially measured to 41 leagues, after Red-Axe was loaded into a similarly illegal cannon into the arena against Orc team Gouged Eye to even the game. The touchdown was successful, albeit 70 yards above the ground, and the game was postponed three days to retrieve the ball and player.
However, as Goblins have little experience with cannons and only hand bomb devices, they miscalculated the amount of gunpowder needed to launch Zeb Boombub inside the barrel. Once the fuse was gone, the cannon actually blew itself up in a spectacular explosion of fire and shrapnel, resulting in the injuries of several disappointed Orcland fans. Most of the attendance was safe, as no one showed up to the exhibition match and thus a low capacity. Zeb was pronounced dead on arrival by the Goblin apothecary, who was then bribed by the Gouged Eye head coach to keep charred corpse for the team as an after-match snack.
The game resumed despite the carnage and the Snivellers were decimated 4-1.
Other Stories:
Over-Armor Sued For Making Armor Safe
Halfling Team Scores; Pandemonium in the Gardens
Make-A-Wish Foundation Gives Kid Blood Bowl Experience, Accidentally Crushed by Ogre
Eagles’ Glide over Razors for Bounce Back Win
Despite only having 20% of the game’s possession, Talabheim's quick attack play on Bad Badenhof's artificial turf was all they needed to secure victory on Tuesday night. With the line of scrimmage by Ogre Örvar-Oddr, receiver Konrad van der Veen only needed to penetrate the Dark Elf third for thrower Edwin Armbruster to unleash his "ballista" twice for the winning touchdowns, throwing for a combined total of 42 yards, doubled the yards his partner Konrad ran.
After the game, Coach TheTyrantis commented, "We played a couple of friendlies with Anlec Razors before the season began. I joked that we were going to win because we already tied and lost to Aedilred's team, but I’m happy that’s what ended up happening. Edwin was superb tonight and I hope to see more of the same from him in the future."
Next week, the Eagles are away again to injury-plagued newcomers Low-Down Dirty Rats before a home match against the head of Leriel's Sweet Feet.
Waity Darkbeard's (Temporary?) Retirement from Crooked Peak
In other big injury news, Crooked Peak runner Waity Darkbeard has been cut from Clarkson's teams after picking up a smashed knee in their latest match. Waity, who was already suffering a damaged back after the Dwarf’s season opener home to Murder, Arson, and Jaywalking, was deemed too unfit to continue playing to prevent the star player from becoming a further liability this season. Back-up runner Boomy and new signing Stooge will be hoping to fill the void.
Waity Darkbeard was a two-year veteran who led Crooked Peak to a semi-final finish in the team's rookie year.
Coach TheTyrantis, who held special contempt towards Clarkson and his playing of the Dwarf runner, commented after learning of his retirement, "This is actually quite disappointing. While I disliked that you packed him with more speed and agility than a guy on meth, and honestly my only real complaint against Waity, since I despised the clockwork star balls, I now have no one to make smarmy comments towards to..."
Despite the comments, it has been reported that TheTyrantis has been spotted partying with the Bloodknights for leading Clarkson to cut the star Dwarf and even buying them an unlife supply of Bloody Marys. This rumor cannot be confirmed.
Other Stories
Reikland Reavers Gain Overtime Victory Over Chaos All-Stars, Win UnderWorld Cup 1-0
Creeveland Crescents Sign Leon Brown James, Sell Entire Team
Norse Head Coach Quits Artic Cragspiders Over Arachnophobia
Eagles Set for Professional Debut
In the Giant-in-the-Playground sponsored Blood Bowl League, the Humans have had a notable presence in the Red Sabres team, who have been disbanded by their owners. Now, from the amateur leagues, the Talabheim Eagles from the Talabcland province have been preparing this extended spring break under the guidance of former Lizardman coach TheTyrantis to fill that hole.
Tyrantis, who joined in the third season of the tournament, led the Lizardman team Outrageous Cretaceous to a league-leading 29 points last year and departed the team after being unceremoniously dumped from the play-offs by the Red Sabres. Heading the new team is captain Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster, a former Grey College quarterback for Wolfenburg Bulls. Armbruster made a name for himself after winning 3-2 in a rival game against High Magic College team Green Bay Sackers with all three touchdowns coming in the second half. Armbruster was expelled from the school after supposedly striking the head coach for benching him, but this is an unconfirmed story. After being expelled, the Altdorf-born man was hired by amateur team Talabheim Eagles in the Imperial Bowl Conference (IBC), along with College team-mate Konrad van der Veen, who made 13 touchdowns in his final year of school.
“This team has a lot of potential,” TheTyrantis said in an interview. “I just pray to Sigmar that the Humans can actually kill people, something the Lizardmen team were never trained to do.”
“Luckily, we don’t have many experienced teams returning from last season to beat us down, so we should be on equal footing for the beginning stages. We’ve had a few scrims with the Anlec Reavers, coached by the former Human coach Aedilred; we drew once and lost once, but I can only stay optimistic and Armbruster can keep us in the games.”
TheTyrantis will be entering this season with a career of 13-4-8, a 52% winning record. His first match will be home to the Orc team Da Monsters of Da Midden.
Other Stories:
Bloodpool Player Ludovicus Suerius Bites Human Defender George Coolen in Game, Turns Vampire
Salzenmund Seahawks Poison Darkside Cowboys, Win Super Bowl 7-1
Haffenheim Bobcats Return Name to Haffenheim Hornets
Tychris1
2014-07-10, 01:49 PM
http://imageshack.us/a/img716/5408/l61q.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/716/l61q.png/)
Take back the Night!
The Bloodknights (Late) Season Report Card!
Sorry folks, due to a little outburst from Konrad (As it turned out, winning the Snotling Derby did not help his sanity...... at all) we lost our original season report, but fret not Vampire fans! As a matter of fact Konrad's fourty third therapist says that he should express himself in non-violent ways to help him with his anger management. So without further ado, Konrad's Mid-Season (Sort of) Report!
Bloodshed: 4/10
Konrad think that Bloodknights not physical enough. Konrad petition to hire Vampire Minotaur was also rejected, so Konrad not really sure how to fix issue. Bloodknights spend too much time making enemies go to sleepy time, but keep forgetting to snap their arms and legs. Konrad very disappointed in number of maimings and murders committed, and will talk to Derk about hiring puppy to help on the pitch.
Bowels: 9/10
Ever since diapers were installed in Konrad and thrall armor, number of janitors go bye bye. Konrad always got mad when he slipped while running down a meatsack, and now he has convenient weapon after eating Xil-qohotl's Hot 'N Spicy Burritos.
Branding: 8/10
Thanks to Bloodknight success during season, many old companies come back to support Bloodknights. Thanks to Konrad crushing Vice President of Bludweiser in vice, all living companies come back to support Bloodknights. Bludweiser still wary about Konrad's methods, but Konrad will get them back. Konrad knows.
Bowling: 0/10
No one want to join Konrad's new bowling team. Make Konrad sad.
Bacon: 10/10
OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM
Derkness: ?/10
Uhhh..... Konrad not write this down on paper.... Derk, did you-
*Derk bursts into the recording room, kicking the door down, residual stains of daemon dust can clearly be seen on his nose, as his eyes are even more bloodshot and strained then usual*
Surprise Mother****er!
AH HELL YEAH BABY WE'RE BACK, WE'RE LOADED, WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF SCRUBS TO BEAT ON AND WE'RE FINALLY GOING TO BE BLOODBOWL CHAMPIONS! I can feel it in my old bones, this is the season! Five has always been my lucky number! I'm on the charts for rushing almost as fast as a god damn gutter runner and pogoing goblin for Vlad's sake! Ain't no way some stupid rats, dwarfs, daemons, elves, and humans are gonna stop us! And now that the big orc and chaos teams are gone, WE'RE the top dogs of physical performance!
*Snatches microphone into his hand and walks up to camera*
I AM VENGEANCE! I AM THE NIGHT! I. AM. DERKMAN!
*Kicks the camera in and causes the screen to turn to static*
Welcome back to another riveting edition of Carpe Noctem! After our first broadcastings.... draconic and abrupt ending, we've since upped our security and have brought back in Vampire Castiel from the team The Bloodknights for his promised interview! It's nice to have you here Castiel.
C: Nice to be here, especially due to the medical leave they have me under for our match against Rampant Professionalism.
Yeah, we can only guess that's going to be a hard fought battle between the Elves and equally agile Vampires. Before we continue on with our interview, would you mind saying a few words in regards to the match?
C: Uh, certainly. Well, Konrad and Derk provide a real strong backbone for the rest of the team, alongside Dean Vinchester's Vampirized physique, the physical game is on the Vampires side so long as they can keep all those guarding elves separate. Really, what's going to make or break the match will come down to whether or not the Duneheim brothers and Dean can coordinate the thralls into a cohesive offensive effort. Keep the Elves pinned to their side of the pitch and don't let them slip by, and the Vampires might yet pull another win against a very competitive team.
Speaking of competitive teams, how did The Bloodknights feel after their victory over the dwarven team Crooked Peak? Many Bloodknights fans didn't fully expect a shutout game whilst slaying the infamous Waity Darkbeard's career in the process. That was certainly a great success story for the Vampires (And for any team that has to face Crooked Peak in the future!).
C: Ummm, yes we were all pretty excited about such a win early on in the league. I'm not a veteran of the team really, but it seemed like such an event isn't exactly common in our history of games. We even got our Bludweiser sponsorship renewed thanks to the insurgence of fans and Waity Darkbeard haters giving us a boost in popularity. Konrad's a little peeved that he wasn't the one that was allowed to smash in the Dwarf's face, but we managed to get him to murder a scarecrow replica of Waity instead of our fans.
Well, we could certainly use less Konrad outbursts in the middle of our interviews and public showcases.....
C: Listen, uh, can we get on to my actual interview?
Oh, yes, of course. Sorry. Ahem, now Castiel tell us, how exactly did you come to join The Bloodknights?
C: Well, the funny thing is I wasn't even a Vampire when I first met The Bloodknights. See, during the break between seasons, Konrad managed to sell his soul to a Bloodthirster by accident, and when the time came to reap his soul he got dragged into the hellish realm of chaos. Nuffle didn't take too kindly to losing one of Bloodbowls more... eccentric personalities, and so he sent me down to raise him from perdition. When I dragged him back to The Bloodknights headquarters, I was pumped with enough necrotic magic that my wings withered black and I was earthbound. Chock full of dark magic I was pretty much indistinguishable from a Vampire, and since I don't have many job skills for the workforce, Tychris helped me out and put me on the team to pay back for me saving Konrad.
Huh, what exactly did Konrad sell his soul for anyway?
C: Ah, that's the best part. It was actually an ice cre-
Konrad runs into the interview and drop kicks Castiel in the chest
*Rib Breaking Sounds*
Konrad what the hell are you doing here!
K: KONRAD HEAR THAT OTHER TEAM HAVE PLAYER NAMED KONRAD. THERE ONLY ONE KONRAD, AND THAT'S KONRAD. KONRAD WILL BREAK FAKE KONRAD'S FACE INTO TINY PIECES AND EAT HIS HEART THROUGH HIS THROAT. KONRAD GIVE 40 THOUSAND GAJILLION DOLLARS TO WHOEVER KILL FAKE KONRAD AND GIVE REAL KONRAD HIS STILL BEATING HEART.
Konrad please calm down! We're in the middle of an interview!
K: KONRAD FEEL KALM. OTHER KONRAD FEEL DEAD. TALABEAM HAWKS BETTER WATCH THEIR BACK, KAUSE KONRAD GONNA MURDER THEM ALL. KONRAD MURDERS YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR GRANDPARENTS AND EVEN YOUR PETS.
Someone get security in here already!
K:THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE
C: Argh.... Oh yeah.... He got the Keeper of Secrets out by being possessed by a Bloodthirster.....
F___....... Well folks, that's all for this week! We'll try and finish this interview *KABOOM FWOOSH FWOOSH* Uhhh... Eventually! Until then, avoid Konrad, I mean the fake Konrad, and take back the night! Dear god someone tell my wife I'm not going be able to pay alimony this week....
We here at Carpe Noctem are really glad to be back for yet another season of Blood Bowl history in the making! With the return of the Bloodknights for their third and perhaps final season in the Giantitp blood bowl league, we here at Carpe Noctem are really looking forward to seeing them go out in a blaze of glory, or earn enough renown to convince Coach Tychris to stick them around for another season. We've brought the whole team out today to get the fans properly antiquated with the new team layout, as Coach Tychris has decided to slim the team up and remove all injured players!
Dean: Wait.... You got rid of my brother?
Derk: Yeah, so about that........
Dean: Me and him are partners! What the **** guys! You just got rid of him without telling me? Where did you even put them?
Konrad: Konrad stole bus from city, gave it to thralls and made Cairn Wraith take them on road trip. Vroom vroom!
Camera cuts to a massive black and red tour bus, driven by an enigmatic cloaked figure in black. Sam Vinchester can be seen looking out the window as the other injured thralls party hard, staring out into the chaos wastes that they're driving by
Sam: Guys..... I think we're going in the wrong direction.....
Camera cuts back to Blood Knight team at CN! HQ
Derk: Aaaaanyway, we're pretty excited about the new season. The Bloodknights are officially one of the oldest, consecutive running teams, veterans of not one but two seasons of Blood Bowl and ready to go on our third!
Lucius: Yeah you could say that again.
So, what have you all been up to on your time off between seasons?
Lucius: Well, I decided to dabble a bit in the other arts of magic, particularly the grey wizards and their illusions. It seems pretty usef-
Konrad: KONRAD KONQUERED A KINGDOM! Konrad was a terrorist for a while, but then Konrad got stuck in a hall of mirrors, and Konrad got possessed by a Keeper of Sekrets. But it ok, Konrad got better.
....... How.......
Derk: I decided to lease myself out to Playgirl some more, nothing too major or exotic, and I started working out the terms for a movie I'll be starring in alongside the man, the myth, the legend Fredo from the Red Sabres.
I'm sure we'll all greatly enjoy it, and what about you Lucius?
Lucius: Well, with Valerie declaring a blood oath to hunt down and murder Crow, I've decided to also spend some time trying to track her down and ensure she doesn't kill the mortal who runs this whole league for us. It's been pretty difficult though, she's good at hiding her tracks and using magic to move around. She's one determined bitch.
And are you being paid by Crow to do so?
Lucius: That's classified information.
I'm going to choose to not read any further into that. Anyway, speaking of the Red Sabres, what are your three thoughts on your match against the Anlec Razor?
Derk: Well, we've had spotty history against elves, but I have a feeling that with our superior strength and ball handling skills, we should be able to start the season right and show these roomies who's boss.
Lucius: Our big problem against the Johnnies was Bloomberg, and quite frankly no one on the Anlec's is that intimidating. Our thralls are about on par, but we do have the good fortune of being vampires. I doubt they'll be able to stop our advance, or slow me down from slipping through.
Konrad: KONRAD HATE ELVES! ELVES LIKE TINY WEAK GOBLINS, ONLY TALLER! KONRAD EAT ELVES FOR BREAKFAST, BRUNCH, AND QWANZA! SHALOM! BLOOOOOD!
Well with our bases covered for the veterans lets move on to the newcomer, Castiel, who's gotten very little spotlight since his induction into the-
*KRAKOOM*
....... What was that noise? Interns! I want a report!
Konrad: Konrad bought a puppy!
Intern: A three headed zombie dragon just flew into the west wing, it seems pissed off!
Konrad: PUPPY!
Oh god there's fire everywhere! Everyone! Evacuate the building!
Castiel: But I didn't get my-
Konrad: PUPPYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Konrad rushes through the flames towards the sounds of the thrashing Zombie Dragon
We'll be back next week with another issue of-
*KABOOM* Wood beams from the roof begin to fall as thralls panic and disperse
Castiel:.... Interview......
Carpe Noctem! Until then, stay safe, away from Konrad, and take back the night!
houlio
2014-07-10, 03:51 PM
Get to know the team!
Cole “Black” Stacks, The Captain
Cole “Black” Stacks might seem young (only 236 years!) to be the captain of Rampant Professionalism’s professional Blood Bowl team, but he has proven time and time again to be the real “heart and soul” of the team. Often said to have been born “with a scalpel in his hands” Cole was planning on continuing his family’s long history of attending a prestigious magical medical school to become an apothecary (like his father, uncle, and their father). He got started at a young age by snatching insects and small birds right out of the air to perform delicate dissections. When he began classes though, he quickly discovered that healing had very little violence in it. During this time, Cole enthusiastically participated in a local blood bowl club, where he could combine his well-trained reflexes and finesse with his natural bloodthirsty nature. Realizing that his only true passion in life was playing blood bowl, Cole decided that he had better “get serious.” Responding to an ad that he discovered at his favorite gastropub one night, Cole became that first player to sign on with Houlio’s new team, Rampant Professionalism. Cole still refuses to talk about the tryouts for Rampant Professionalism, although he is planning to continue his deep-hypnotic therapy sessions*.
Precepts for perfect play (on and off the pitch)
In this week’s segment of Precepts for perfect play (on and off the pitch), we would like to go review some basics for hygiene. You never know when having a pleasant odor will give you the edge you need! Here are some tips to help keep you minty fresh whether you are in a cramped board room meeting or flashing your pearly whites while completing that game-winning pass:
1- While washing yourself is a foregone conclusion, washing your equipment might not be. It has been statistically proven* that most injuries are inflicted on players who have not properly scrubbed their gear. Make sure to vigorously scrub your helmet, shoulder pads, and especially your cod piece before and after each match for at least 20 minutes. If it doesn’t blind you when you look at it, it isn’t shiny enough!
2- Always be on the look out for your team mates’ hygiene practices. If they don’t meet your own exacting standards, then how can you ever expect to function as a team with them? Remember to constantly remind your teammates about everything you might find even mildly odious or gross. If you don’t then who will? It is also recommended that you shame them severely about it, as that will provide sufficient motivation for them to change their disgusting ways. Remember, it looks good when you shine, but it looks great when you all shine!
3- It is vital to look better than the opposition. You can only look the best when everyone else looks worse than you! While we here at Rampant Professionalism only take on those who meticulously clean themselves, you can help to ensure your great appearance by taking every opportunity available to scratch, dent, crack, dirty, spoil, and otherwise mess up the opposition’s style. Remember, you might win by having more points than the other team, but you get paid for having more style.
And that concludes this week's Precepts for perfect play (on and off the pitch)! Remember to look here again next week for more tips and tricks to help stay on top!
*Funded and conducted by Rampant Professionalism Holdings Inc. (Holdings)
Mordar
2014-07-10, 03:57 PM
Monsters Minutely
Though the Bad Moon clan has long been known for their willingness to embrace non-Orc methods and machinery to win their scraps, even the most brazen of them know not to offend Gork and Mork, the brutal but cunnin and cunnin' but brutal gods of the greenskin race. Paying for the assistance of another race to help win a fight isn't much of an issue...unless that assistance takes the form of a human wizard instead of a Shaman, by-Gork! And that is just what the Monsters coach did last week. Recognizing his folly too late to save his team, Coach Kraktooth Hallaz arranged to have the offending wizard beaten and left for dead in a roadside ditch.
While that was a good start, it could hardly be considered proper reparation to the orc gods of carnage and war (like there are any other kind of orc gods...).
"Lissen up!" Hallaz yelled to his boyz. "We've got a special job to do this week. We gots to make Gork and Mork happy...and here's what we're gonna do..."
The following days saw an unusual upswing in "random acts of violence" coupled with a whole new wave of bad green graffiti. It seems that dwarves were a preferred target, but there were also several humans and elves among the assaulted, beaten and bloodied victims. Each was painted with either a green footprint or hand, crudely rendered. None of the victims were able to identify their attackers, and all were assaulted while walking alone, at night...and mostly after drinking a copious amount of local brew.
Potentially linked to the attacks and paint splatters was the...redecoration...of a local temple to Shallya. A large totem pole was found raised in the center of the sanctuary, covered in orcish glyphs and splattered in red paint. Across the altar, "Gork wuz here!" and "So wuz Mork!" were scrawled in that same red paint.
"Let's see if that does the job..." Hallaz said, washing paint from his hands.
What good's a bowl without any blood?
"Columnist" Dang Patchrik
Right, then, it's time for alla yous to shut yer gobs and lissen' up!
Kraktoof Hallaz is paying good teef for me to tell you what's what, and that's all the reason I need ta do it.
See, there's dis "Blood Bowl" thing, and its like a good scrap, but wif no weapons. You take a mob of yer boyz down to a field, and meet another mob, and fake chasin' a ball around while smakin' the other mob in the head. Sometimes, when there's nothin' better to do, you grab the ball and run with it. If you get far enough, you get to start over and smack more headz. Good stuff, that.
Now that you unnerstand, let me tell you 'bout Kraktoof's boyz. His mob's gonna scrap with some hummie's this week (but he says no eatin') that call themselves the Eagles. Sounds like them round things the halfer's make with butter and jam. Eh, anyway...here's what he said about the scrap:
"It's finally time! I know my boyz have been waiting for days to take what we've practiced and put it to good use against the Eagles, and I hope you're all going to come see the match. I can promise they'll be lots of scrapping, plenty of hitting, and some ace tactics...and that's just the tailgate party!"
When I axed 'im about the hummies, he had this ta say:
"Well, they got an ogre on their side, so clearly they've got some idea that there's a fight coming. We'll have to be careful not to pay him too much attention, else we might not get to put the cleats to the rest of their team. I've spent some extra time with Grot and his brother, Krot, this week getting them ready for the Eagles. We're really counting on them to make their day miserable!"
So, how's it gonna turn out? You'll hafta come and see fer yerself! And remember, Wazgor will be available after the match for autographs if the Monsters win...and Skab'll be there fer punchin' if they lose!
It was a a win, anyway
"Reporter" Marg Allhurt
Over 17,000 fans showed up to watch Da Monsters tear into their Week One opponents...and most left vaguely disappointed. Sure, Da Monsters were able to make a first half score stand up for the win, but the decidedly meek showing on the blood board was more typical of a dandelion team than proper greenskins. At least Krot, the young Black Orc hitter, managed to put a serious gobsmacking on the human star catcher and earned himself a few loud cheers. Blitzer Dargul embarrassed himself by falling to the turf and taking a lengthy nap, but after a stern lecture and extra laundry duty he promises to do better next match.
Coach Hallaz spoke briefly with the media mid-week and promised that aggression would be a primary focus during the week of practice. "Grot's been working extra hard and seems to be developing a knack for knocking things down. Against an experienced team like Ramp-ant we'll have to take our shots where we can...and hopefully most of them will be in elf ribs! We'll be looking for opportunities to pile on and put a hurting on any of them we can...all within the rules, of course."
As one of the clear underdogs in the league, Da Monsters have attracted some otherwise disinterested fans and it looks like their merchandise is starting to move off the shelves. Hallaz has shown his Bad Moon roots in his management style. "Building a treasury that can withstand a few bad turns will be vital in the weeks to come," he said, "and plus it always comes in handy to have a few spare teeth to throw at personnel problems."
Wazgor, true to the prematch promotion, was available to sign autographs for nearly 17 minutes after the game. Only three grots were injured in the melee and over a dozen received glossy photos marked with a big red "W". Good for you, Wazgor!
The only good elf...
Contributing Writer Stewhurt Grot
Week two saw Da Monsters trying to bring da pain to the elves of Rampant Professionalism. This match was expected to be a straight up throw down of opposing styles that had the possibility of blow out written all over it...or blood bath, if the visiting Monsters had their way.
Coach Kraktooth Hallaz has clearly geared his Boyz to lay a hurting on the tall-and-thin set, but only Narthug was able to lay into any of the pointy-haired prancers, knocking Cole Stacks out of the game early. His two blitzing teammates each knocked an elf out, as did Lineorc Magsgut, but this was no where near the dominant showing that Da Monsters would need to turn Professionalism into Paste. Gobtop looked to take a rough shot, but early reports are he'll be back in action next week. Skab again found himself useless, knocked unconscious by, of all things, an elf. He'd best make a better accounting of himself or he's likely to find himself out of a job...and maybe existence!
On the upside, the boyz did make a fair accounting of themselves moving the ball...just not far enough. Too many lineorcs seem to think they have the grace to dodge away from the opposition and need to focus on their real job...holding the opposition still so the hitters can lay into 'em! Krot was recognized for the disruptive force he can be, even without racking any elf casualties, and received MVP honors for lookin' scary and being as cool as the other side of the sleeprock.
Next week the boyz in Bruised and Gore'll take on more dandelion eaters, but this time it's the so-dark-and-gothy Anlec Razors. Their lone runner will be out of the match on account of his broken jaw, and lineelf Saul will be nursing a sore head, making him a ripe target for Da Monster hitters. Still, the dark elves are no shrinking violets and are well trained and nimble. We'll need to see some more aggression on the defensive side of the ball, exploiting the biggest weakness of any elven team...no, not their concern with hygiene...their tissue-paper armor.
Coach Hallaz said that he may be considering a tactical change this week. "Since we'll be playing on their fast field, we'll need to make sure we stick 'em extra hard. Krot and Grot are both learning the ropes, but we may need to shore up some of the midlevel players," he mused. "May well be we need some outside incentivization as well!" I guess we'll all have to see what he meant by those cryptic comments!
Until next time...Peas!
From Razors to Rotten
"Chat Host" Dang Patchrik
Oi, lissen up, mugz! The Dangettes were supposed to get me outta diz, but they didn't, so there's gonna be beatings. I'm sure McLovin won't be after that!
Right, so Da Monsters of Da Midden were back in action last week, taking on a bunch of dark elves calling themselve the Razors. Now, da Razors've been around a while and have a pretty good idea of how to play Blood Bowl...they just generally don't hit hard enough. The early line was for experience to win out over Green Powah, and plenty a'mugs were counting on Da Monsters to take it lying down.
Coach Hallaz wasn't havin' any of that, I tell ya! Grot, da big Black Orc, was a fist straight to the face of the Dark Elf fans, putting two of the Naggaroth boyz out of the game, and Magsgut scored a surprise touchdown to salvage a draw. There were plenty of beatings handed out in da stands after that, an' a coupla Razor fans found new jobs as compost. The highlight of the match, though, had to be Skab. The gobbo waz playing for his life (literally!) and managed to finally make an accounting for hisself, knocking Reuben Steel out of the match with a wikkid headbutt. Rumor haz it the elf hasn't been able to eat solid food since the match. 'Course, I don't really know if they eat solid food anywayz!
Next up on the schedule is a home match against the team voted "Least Loved in the Locker Room", the Nurglings known as Twisted Rotten. The Rotters aren't known for subtlety, so there shouldn't be a whole lotta dancin' and prancin' around...just gobs o' slop and gore.
"Krot's done a nice job picking up some pointers this week," Coach Hallaz told me earlier. "He's not just relying on strength and his enormous fists to knock players down. He's actually starting to put those hamhocks in the right place." We here at the Minutely expect big things out of the front line. Badzod being out comes as a blow, but da other boyz'll have to pick up the slack.
I'z heard from my bookie ladz that Da Monsters are a slight favrit to win this week, probably owing to home field advantage. Of course, the Rotters manager hasn't been seen in a while, so it may well be that he'z been called to task by the Unclean One...or he could just be wallowing in his own filth and crapulence. In any event, we're looking for da boyz in Bruised and Gore to smash in a few faces (not that we'll be able ta tell) and toss a few cookies on the way to a 1-0 victory. Seton haz his own take, calling for a scoring exhibition and Da Monsters edging the slugs 2-1. I guess we'll see.
Hey Fritzie, what'd I learn today?
[off mike]You learned that you if you punt McLovin down the steps he bounces...until da krunch!
Dat'z right! Until next time, dis has bin Dang Patchrik, and I'm about da noize!
Skab Works the Bloggomachine
It's not easy being small. I mean, I'm half the size of the boyz on the line...and they're small next to blitzers like Narthug and Durgul. Put me next to Krot and I literally disappear from sight.
So why'd I want to be a Blood Bowler then? Well, the scenery changes, the pay is good, and its safer than being on the Waaaaaagggghhhh trail...most of the time. But better than all of that, I get to be part of a team. Sure, I still get the usual jokes about cleaning the toilets, and I'm always last served at the training table, but I wear the same uniform as the rest of 'em, and I get the same size locker as everyone else.
Sometimes, being small is a benefit to a Blood Bowler. After all, I'm harder to grab hold of, and a lifetime of trying to dodge kicks, punches and chicken bones (and that was just from my family!) has made me even better and avoiding ill intentioned attention, if you know what I mean. It does help when its time for a surprise run, and I think you can look forward to seeing my name on the score sheet more than once in the coming weeks. Now, I'm not great at hitting the bigger guys, but when they're distracted I can get my licks in! After all, look what happened when I got a clean shot at that Dark Elf earlier this year!
I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a little worried about these Khorne guys coming up this week. They focus a little less on the sport part of the game, and a lot more on the Blood part of things. I'll just have to trust to Coach Hallaz to draw up a winning plan and to luck that we get first licks in. I know there'll be some of the legends of the gaming taking to the field this week...I'd love to see Morg up close (as long as he's wearing Bruised and Gore, that is!) or Varag. I heard the coaches talking about Ripper too, but I don't think they are as keen on him on account of his propensity to rely on just brute strength.
Well, I've gotta run and pick up some more bandages...seems we're putting in extra just in case. Seems to me we oughta have a delivery service bring them by the cartload. Let's just hope they're more of mopping up Khorne ichor!
Delia2531
2014-07-10, 04:00 PM
GUTTER PRESS - EDITION 9
Heavy loss to Humans
But Playoffs still in reach!
This week
This week saw our worse defeat for a while at the hands of one of the most successful teams in the league. We seemed to fail on every level, unable to really hold it together enough to cross the line with the ball; worse yet we seemed to let them dance through our backfield without contest. Add to that some key injuries for the squad and this might go down as the worst match since week1.
We swapped Flash for Smarty of Crooked Peak who put most of our team to shame and walked away as our MVP; at least Flash gave a good showing of himself for the Peak scoring their only points against the Orcs.
DarkTail had this to say: Our streak had to end sometime, I just hope we have some shreds of luck left to hold on to a play-off place next week against the Razors!
Next week
Week 11 sees us facing the speed and power of the Anlec Razors on their home pitch, but we are hoping that the pitch will actually work to our advantage but we are short Little Boris and our emerging Star Scutter so the offence will be slightly hobbled.
Roster changes
No new players this week, but a few of our guys are now carrying niggling injuries in their backs; we haven't worked out what's going wrong in training, but Sorexa is looking in to it. Scutter and Little Boris have picked up injuries that will keep them off the pitch against the Razors but they'll be back in week 12.
PLAYER SPOTLIGHT
Each week we will bring you a little more detail on one of our players; this week it's our newest player!
Name:
dangerous Beanz
Position:
Big Guy!
Shirt Number:
91
Catchphrase:
“Grraaargh!”
Background
Dangerous Beanz, as named by the other players, was brought back to the team by Tanya a few weeks ago. Beanz had ben part of the original squad but picked up injuries early in the season that resulted in him being dropped from the squad.
Reason for joining LDR
Beanz joined as a way out of the life in the gutter, No one really knows what happened when he came back, just that he has an unlikely afinity with Tanya Too; who also arrived at the same time.
Most anticipated Game
“I just want to play!”
Most Dreaded Game
“I want to play, I'm no longer afraid of anyone!"
Previous editions of Gutter Press are available here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17788649&postcount=15).
Clarkson
2014-07-10, 10:21 PM
The Crooked Peak Chronicler
Ow, what happened?
Excellent, you're up. You're going to keep coaching us. And we aren't taking no for an answer. Warpy was the first face to greet Clarkson's newly opened eyes.
No. It's been far too long with you guys, and I'm done dealing with you guys trying and failing to get to the endzone.
Then why didn't you leave me on the team?
Waity? What the hell did you do?
This wasn't him. He started it, but he won't be finishing it. That's for myself and the rest of the blockers to do.
What the hell are you talking about! You kidnap me, leaving the rest of the team behind, and then say that you aren't looking for the best runner to return?
I have to agree. I changed you to get me back on the team.
Waity, we no longer have need of your services. Please leave now, or the myself and the other blockers will be forced to remove you.
I don't even know where we are! You just told me to come out here, and find an overgrown dwaven fortress in the middle of some woods.
Jokey, get in here! Waity needs to leave, and he and I have no idea where we are.
Wait, is this the CTCT's old home?
Yes. Jokey says as he strolls into the room.
We need to leave now. It's not safe here.
What? This place has been safe since my clan arrived in Crooked Peak.
Then how come the rest of my family still has treemen protecting it? Your clan tried to attack us, and then got wiped out. You never actually dealt with them. And if they get wind that dwarves have returned, they'll do a preemptive strike.
Blasphemy. Our ancestors destroyed the trees that arrived here, and then took their place in the halls of Crooked Peak. Your attempts at intimidation won't work. And anyways, the treewoman we faced on the pitch in season 4 was kind of a pushover.
I remember it differently. And depending on the source, she killed either four or five players during her time in the league. Don't be so dismissive.
But the team made it through that game with few scratches. Even if they do show up, we'll be fine. *CRASH* Grabby, what was that?
Something just broke through a window! *CRASH* Looks like halflings!
Damn it. Jokey, I'm going to get Thunderhoof. Stay here, keep them from getting Clarkson.
Heh. You got it boss. Warpy runs out of the room, leaving Waity, Jokey, and Clarkson to wonder what's going on.
Clarkson, keep quiet, and I'll run you to safety. Just need to get you and get past Jokey.
Suddenly two halflings burst in through the door before shouting HE'S IN HERE! Jokey shrinks back as they advance toward him, one of the halflings saying These dwarves don't seem so tough. Wonder why everyone was making such a hullabaloo about them. Then Jokey whips out a squirt bottle, squirts him, punts the other one out the door and then slams the talking one into the ground. Oh. That's why.
Then, Waity bundles Clarkson up and rushes out the door to a HEY!. A few turns later, and they had lost Jokey, and also their way.
Ok, that's far enough. What did Warpy mean by you started it?
I took Warpy to Dr. Badger, you know the Feet's Apothecary, and had him made into a chaos dwarf. I figured that he'd be thankful, and persuade you to get me back on the team, but apparently not.
Wait, we're being chased by Chaos Dwarves? This day just keeps getting better. Let's find some of the halflings and get out of here before they find us.
Yeah, I'd rather not go up against any of the blockers.
*****
A little while later: This isn't good. As soon as the treemen got in this turned into a rout. Waity's got us searching the entire complex for Clarkson and himself. Let's survive and get him back later.
Waity walks into the room, with Clarkson behind him. Schmacky pipes up I think you might be jumping to conclusions there boss. It's you, Floppy, and me against Waity and a Halfling. I'm fairly certain we can take them. Leave Waity down here, and the three of us should be able to hold him if we don't avoid the treemen.
Right, let's go. Quietly. Schmacky, work with me to drop Waity first, Floppy, contain Clarkson.
As Waity and Clarkson start creeping through the room, the three blockers creep forward, before following up on the plan. Schmacky drops Waity in one hit, while Floppy grabs Clarkson from behind. Clarkson gets out a HELP! before Floppy hits him over the head, knocking him out.
Then cracks start to echo through the halls, and it's not long before a face familiar to Schmacky presents itself to view. WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! he shouts before turning and running the other way. Warpy gets out a What? before Bloomberg fills his face with a thrown Halfling, knocking him over. Floppy turns to follow Schmacky with Clarkson slung over his shoulder, but gets tripped up by a root, and then pounded into the ground by a branch.
Clarkson gets picked up, slung over Bloomberg's shoulder and then begins a slow, arduous travel out of the old Dwarfhome.
Clarkson's Announcement
A podium has been set up, facing a barren field leading to a cliff. The eight hopeful teams are seated facing the podium with Crooked Peak (both the team and the mountain) rise up in the background. The halfling coach walks behind the podium, hopping up a set of stairs set up behind. He then begins to read off a sheet of paper.
Hello again. Over the past four weeks you've been training for this day. The day when you all find out who will certainly be playing in the coming season.
As season five comes to a close, I have concluded that there won't be any dwarven players on my team in season six. They haven't been putting up the casualties that I wanted them to, and unfortunately there is no offensive consistency to balance it out.
With that stated, I'm pleased to announce that the Krooked King has granted me to purchase the land this conference is being held on, and plans are already drawn up for a stadium custom built for the chosen team.
Watching all of you scrimmage and practice has been an enlightening experience, and I narrowed it down to two teams before the elimination matches started. Treeman's Triumph, led by Oak and Bloomberg, and the Murder Doctors, led by Dr. Bonecrusher, played each other this week, and although they didn't know it it was the match that decided who would be coached by me in the coming season. Since there were only two players left on the Triumph, the leaders, the Murder Doctors will be the new team. I'd like to thank everyone for coming out and making the competition a good one, and wish everyone else luck in finding a coach.
As the teams begin standing up, Warpy Alehammer calls out THUNDERHOOF, NOW! Everything starts happening at once. A centaur gallops onto the stage, carrying four hobgoblins. Grabby tackles Clarkson, as Schmacky grabs Smarty and Slammy and forces them to the ground. Floppy and Funny grab a board, and flip Frisky's deathroller onto Standy and Guardy. Jokey pulls a lever, and Stooge and Boomy disappear beneath the stage. The hobgoblins hop off the centaur and grab Clarkson before throwing him over the centaur's back, with two of the Hobgoblins climbing on after him. The centaur starts galloping away, while the remaining blockers and hobgoblins start waddling away.
At this point, the Murder Doctors have begun mobilizing, charging after the running dwarves. A group of beastmen run down the blockers, ramming them from behind with their horns. Schmacky turns around, grabs the beastman and flips him onto his back, but the other blockers are run down. Schmacky is eventually beaten down, with the process speeding up as Dr. Bonecrusher and Andecembogius arrive. Even with the occasional stumble from the centaur he's still stumbling less and moving faster than the Beastmen to boot.
Dr. Bonecrusher turns around and picks up a green bearded dwarf. Dwarf, if you do not tell me where that centaur is taking that Halfling I will throw you off that cliff!
Jokey replies with Heh. Heh. HEH! The warrior doesn't know where the coach went. And the warrior won't find out. Not from the clown! Jokey pulls out a horn and honks it in Bonecrusher's face before scrambling away and hopping over the edge. The rest of the blockers follow suit, with a short break before the two remaining hobgoblins jump off after them with a "VEEE!"
Dr. Bonecrusher looks over the edge, before shouting I will find you. And when I do, do not expect to survive.
At the beginning of the season I made 10 predictions about trhe season. Now it's time to see how well I managed on my predictions
10. All returning teams will make finals
Slot 2 in division A, Slot 1 and 3 in division B, and a wild card for the Bloodknights.
9. Doc Nutsmasher, Kowen, or Stinger will not be on SSS come finals
Nope. It's quite a shame that these three all made it, cause they've kept the casualties rolling out from SSS.
Hey, because Stinger got a miss next game in week 12, and SSS got knocked out in the first round technically Stinger wound up off the team for finals.
8. Twisted Rotten will develop into one of the best bashing teams the league has known
I love orphaned teams!
7. The Eagles will not do as well as the Sabres during their first season.
I do believe they ranked high enough to surpass the Red Sabres in the regular season, but whether they actually manage to win the league is another question.
6. The Razors will continue Aedilred's losing streak during the early season.
The Razors didn't win a game until week 5. Unfortunately they then managed to completely blow Crooked Peak out of the water.
5. No skaven will top the scoring leaderboard
Konrad has managed to put up 5 more points than the next slot down, who happens to be a veteran Skaven Gutter Runner.
4. Someone other than Fredo will win the Snotling Derby
Konrad won the round I was talking about, and Blind Io won the round that Fredo was entered. Good on him!
3. There will be a game with four goals for one side.
SF vs MAJ, SF vs LDR, RP vs SK, AR vs CP, RP vs MAJ, and AR vs LDR. I didn't think there would be more than one, but there were a lot of high scoring, not very defensively focused teams this year.
2. A team will have qualified by All-Star Week
I'm just going to say that it didn't happen, cause no one was quite far enough ahead.
1. Sneak Kings will not get the Crud! Cup
They're the only managed team that isn't playing in the post season. Sorry about that Hellbug.
Clarkson's Accolades:
The actual awards have been voted for, but there are some things that don't really get covered in the official ones.
Most Unexpected Success: Sneak Kings
Hellbug wasn't on a drunken bender when he purchased this team, even though some might have thought so at the beginning of the season. Everyone is afraid of going up against his trolls, and Jekyl is about the only player that is getting voted for for DRotY. While they might not have put up many points, they certainly weren't last, and preformed better than (one) other regularly managed team.
Rookie Team Clarkson Hopes will be Returning Next Season: Low Down Dirty Rats
Delia has had a rough year, but despite having lost a lot of players to injury and death they've managed to make it to finals. No one's taken Skaven to a second season yet. Skaven are a solid roster, and LDR don't have that high of a TV.
Team Clarkson Hopes will collapse in a heap: Selene's Seductive Strut
Kowen. Stinger. Doc. I never want to see these three players on the same team again. And only SSS will have the cash to do so any time soon.
Next week: A final decision on the team that will be managed by Clarkson next season.
This week there's been an upswing in violence against Dwarves living in Crooked Peak. In addition, Da Monsters of Da Midden seem to have been seen more often than usual for when they're playing away to another team. Many think that it's only a coincidence, but coach Clarkson, and the other coaches on Crooked Peak's staff seem to think otherwise. They also seem to think that it was a poor idea for an Orc team to try to mess around with the populace of a dwarven team's home ground, let alone with the team recognized as the best bashers in the league. Clarkson wishes coach Hallaz luck, and a large amount of cash coming out of this game, because "they're going to need it"
Report on the Tryouts
The teams rosters has been finalized, and the top 8 have been selected to continue playing.
Current Standings:
1: Nuffle's Valkries (Amazon)
1: Rivermen Revisited (Name Pending) (Khemri)
1: Flannel's Finest (Chaos)
1: Treeman's Triumph (Halfling)
1: Ball Slingers (Name Pending) (Pro elf)
1: Bringer of Life (Necromantic)
1: Faith Returns (Ogre)
1: Plague Rats (Skaven)
7: Crooked Peak (The one you all know and love)
Team Profiles
Treeman's Triumph: John Green and Bloomberg have teamed up together, and also gotten the entirety of a Halfling village to join them (Let's be honest, they'll probably need the entire thing). They're hoping to follow in the Sneak Kings footsteps, and just load up the line of scrimmage until nothing can stand against them, and then use a wide range of possible ball carriers to get the ball in (And if the treemen ever try to throw anyone, there's no chance of a Halfling getting eaten).
Crooked Peak: They're back baby! Continue bashing everyone to pieces, and run the ball in when possible. The only person who might not be returning is Frisky, who will probably be requesting slightly too much to be returned to the roster. But assuming no more last minute expenses come up everyone else should return. A third season could be what they need to wind up winning devision B, and unless they win this season, it's possible that they could be one the oldest team around, especially if the Bloodknights take some key casualties.
The program goes to a commercial break. "Were you a star bloodbowl player? Did your coach orphan you, or abandon you for another team? Do you want to get back in the game? Want to join the ranks of the Giantitp Manager Cup Hall of Fame?
If the answer to any of these is yes, then put together a roster, and send it to 2512 Bloodbowl Plaza, Crooked Peak. After a brief approval process, and a bit of time to get a communication back to you we'll get those that were selected in for a tryout. After a little bit of time on the practice field we'll start running practice matches between the hopeful new teams.
Clarkson's looking for a new team (preferably a bit faster), and you could be on it! Get those rosters in today!"
Skögul looked up from a mug of beer before running out to find some other old Die Valkrie'ers. Varg the Ventilator, shattered his coffin, and started awaking other Khemrians. Vánagandr went to find a Necromancer to threaten into finding some new (and old) corpses. Krikzer Flannel stopped trying to grow a third arm to talk to some of the other Heroes. Bloomberg and John Green lumbered into a Halfling village. Ingorian Windglaive left his home to find some other elves. And Warpy Alehammer, started riling up the rest of the Crooked Peak Blockers.
Two cloaked figures enter The Naked Singularity through a back entrance. Following the corridor, they eventually turn off, into a room rigged with various apparatuses. Two skaven meet them, one scared all over, the other warped by the presence of Warpstone. The second, Badger of Clan Moulder speaks saying "Dispose of those cloaks. I would see who seeks my assistance."
The two dispose of their cloaks, leaving Badger and Dana's eyes to rest on two dwarves, a turquoise bearded one, and a light red bearded one. Badger speaks again saying "I recognize you. You're that dwarven star who got removed from Crooked Peak. Why would you wish for the warpstone to enter you?"
It's not me, it's Swatty Alehammer that will be morphed. He's been wishing for a spot on the team, but Clarkson says he's too weak. I'm giving him the opportunity. Waity moves to the machines. So this is what the skaven use eh?
"No, I made this for this job. Can't let the others find out our secrets. That said, dwarves are...new territory. I can't guarantee that dwarves are compatible with warpstone."
But there are rumors. Rumors of a race of dwarves who work with warpstone like the skaven. Who are near as good as regular dwarves as well.
"I learned a long time ago not to put my trust in rumors or legends. Waity, you must leave during the procedure. If this works it shall be my success not yours or anyone elses."
Waity left the room as Dana strapped Swatty down. "Begin the procedure! Badger calls out.
-30 minutes later-
Badger exited the room, and walked to Waity who was sitting on the floor cackling. "The procedure was a success. At least, he's not dead yet, and now he's your problem." Badger stated before returning to the room, Waity following behind him."As you can see his muscles have developed to the point where they rival most of your blockers. You've gotten what you asked for. Now leave."
Rise, as Warpy, first of the chaos dwarves! Warpy sits up.
Clark son is off at Fatty's funeral. So I get to write out a listing of what is occurring and how I feel about the team.
Offense:
We suck. We did okay in the first few matches, but since Waity joined the sidelines neither Boomy nor Stooge has been putting points on the board. Boomy got injured, as soon as Waity decided to train him to be able to jump like him. Stooge still isn't willing to take the ball to the end zone. Boomy's probably going to wind up either fired or dead pretty soon too.
Defense:
We suck. We're good at knocking players out, but they come back. We did okay in the first few matches, but this is just getting embarrassing. We are supposed to play bashy, and take players off the field. Goblins are removing more people from the pitch. We're just letting people stream through our line and take whatever they want. I think that we should try going back to the defense we used last year. Lot's of Blockers, a few positionals, not the all positional defense we're fielding right now. Course, my job is just to deal with paperwork and write stuff like this. Hey, I can just do the paperwork and get some new blockers on and then fire all the positionals. Heh, might have to try that.
Casualties:
We suck. The blockers are actively holding back to keep from injuring their opponents. Clarkson doesn't know this, but the blockers have a pool going around to see who can knock the most people out and inflict the fewest casualties. Maybe I shouldn't write that here, but oh well. If Clarkson actually reads this I'll be surprised. He never reads anything I put on his desk.
Sexiness:
They suck. I'm good. Rest of the team sucks.
Sustainability:
We suck. Last season we got two injuries that carried with us. This season we've got 4 and a death. And Clarkson's just been throwing cash away. I don't know why he's not saving some cash. Unless he want's to have a team of rookies next season.
Overall:
We suck. We probably won't get to the finals this season, and we did well enough in the first four games that we won't be playing for the Crud! Cup.
- Organizes Well of the Clan of the Questionable Score
Heh. See, bashing can win us games. We're done playing Starball. We can just remove people from the pitch, and play the DWARVEN way. And it seems our runners and blitzers want to swap positions anyways.
Not necessarily. I brought Boomy in for some practice after the match. He's decided to bring his agility to the point mine was at. And to the point the elves we'll be playing will be at. I think this is the perfect time to try some starball. Stooge doesn't even seem like she wants to touch the ball anyways.
A goblin walks up to the two. Personally I'd advise against both plans. They're elves. Not only do they not carry a big guy to shore up their line, making Standy and Guardy less useful, but they're also just as strong on the 1v1, but faster and more agile. Especially since Healy's not letting Smarty play. They're faster than us too. So what can we do? Make sure they can't get away from us.
Pfft, you're forgetting something from last season. I have two words that will pull you over to my side. Rampant Professionalism. I went on a scoring streak. Not them. And these elves don't even pass! This should be easy money. Just let Boomy follow in my footsteps and we'll win. No questions asked.
How many times do I have to remind you? Boomy is not you. We can't just give all our time to him, and expect to win every game. I don't even want to go back to putting all our hopes onto one dwarf. It won't happen anytime this season. If we flop, so be it. I don't care that much about winning, I don't think that we're going to get the cup anyways. We've proven we're better than a lot of teams, so let's keep doing what's brought us this far, and avoid the type of strategy that lost us our match against the Bloodknights. That said, I like where your head is at Organizes. Something out of the blue. That Aedilred won't see coming until it's too late. That said, that plan ain't exactly out of the blue anymore because of these darn cameras. Maybe if we - and we're going to retire to this tent, you've gotten quite enough footage of our game planning this season. Here's a clip from week 6 Last season to tide you over
[cuts to grey]
A halfling is sitting at the head of a locker room, surrounded by a number of dwarves. He razes his head before saying "I just don't know. It's not working, at least not something repeatable. I'm just going to leave it up to you guys to work something out. Have fun, be inventive. Try not to suck."
A dwarf with a turquoise beard, stands up, recognizable as Waity, before shouting "DIBS" and running toward the tiny practice room.
- OME ON, THERE'S NO WAY this'll work! You're banking all our plans on something that Stooge hasn't even shown an interest in!
Deal with it. We aren't running a regular offense, so this is out of your power to control.
[b]See Waity, there's other ways we can play. We don't just need to pile all our hopes onto one player.
It worked against a team without a plan. Color me surprised. And neither Boomy or Stooge actually used the skills you had them practice! I'll guarantee that it won't work against those Goblins!
It shouldn't matter. I'm thinking that we're going to try and do the rest of the league a favor and try to let Standy and Guardy live up to their position's name. If we can do something to those trolls a large portion of the King's upset abilities are going to falter. Heck, if we can take out "The King"? Their season would be over pretty quickly.
It's the second division game! We're only tied with them in the standings right now because we won a division match! We've lost, and they haven't. And with the pack this close together we need as many points as possible! We need to fall back to something that we know will work!
Do we though? Boomy's nowhere near your caliber, and Stooge never even touched the ball. The plan of loading all our hopes onto one guy ain't going to work right now. You're going to have to wait. Boomy's almost popular enough now that it'd be worth teaching him a new skill. Maybe then. Until then, we've got a new line, that's not that used to working with each other. We need to give them a bit of spotlight, especially since we're going up against SSS in week 7. I want Standy and Guardy ready to end Doc's reign of terror. Plus, we'll finally get to bring in Secret Plan 1 next week, unless stuff goes horribly wrong here.
Save it. We haven't ever needed to use it, and it would be a lot more evil to use it against LDR. And you worked with me when I wasn't doing so good. We still managed to not lose a match until finals. Do what's going to work, and has worked in the past. The last time we tried a we're all going to work together now: wasn't the score something along the lines of 2-0 in the other team's favor? You hired me to be the offensive coordinator. Shutting me out isn't going to help.
We're going to branch out. We are probably the most bashy team in the league right now. We can play bashy, remove lot's of goblins from the pitch, and just run in a few when they don't have any players left. If we can start playing in that matter it won't matter that you aren't playing anymore.
Fine. I'm not happy though, and if we lose this game I'm going to be incredibly pissed at you. Waity limped away, as Clarkson began to run some drills with his old guards.
Clarkson entered the Apothecary's tent. It was halftime, and he really needed Waity back on the field as soon as possible. "Healy, please tell me you can sign him fit to play!" Healy looked up from Waity's knee. "Ah' cannea do tha' in good conscience. Ee'd be back 'ere 'fore 'Ed toched th' ball. 'is back, an' now 'is knee 're making it so 'ee cannea deal wit' pain like 'ee used too."
"FFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG! YOU WENT ALL SEASON WITHOUT GETTING INJURED, AND NOW YOU'RE JUST GOING TO COP OUT? If you're just going to start collapsing as soon as someone touches you, then you won't be keeping your spot. You're fired!" Clarkson shouted at Waity's Prone form. He stormed out of the tent, kicking out a pole on his way out.
Boomy hurried up to him. "Waity's going to be ready for the second half right?"
"No, and you're in. We're going to need you to try and get us at least one point before it ends. And every match from hereon out." Clarkson replied.
"Wait, what? Did the blow to the knees cause him to lose a step of speed? Or is he not as good at dodging? Boomy queried.
"No. It's of the same type as the injury last week. But he's gotten to be headstrong enough that nothing short of sitting him would keep him away from the ball. And if he continues calling for the apothecary as soon as he hits the ground we'll never be able to put points on the board. So he's fired and this is your big break. Don't screw it up."
I don't know how much I can do. You put all your efforts into Waity, and I'm not nearly as good even if you spent as much time on me as you normally do on him." Boomy jogged off to the team to let them know what had happened.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"NO, DODGE THE OTHER WA-. COME ON BOOMY! Well, that's game. Even if we get the ball back, there's no way we'll be able to get it down to the endzone, is there?"
Waity limped out of the Apothecary's tent before saying "See Coach, you need me. There's no way you'll be able to win another match this season without me."
"You're forgetting something. This is all but a new league. There's only two more experienced teams to play, and we were able to beat other experienced teams back when you weren't as amazing as you were at the end of last season. Boomy can manage" Clarkson glared at his former player.
"Well, if you're going to be like that then fine. I'll just have to prove I still have my uses." With that Waity launched himself at Clarkson, arms outstretched. Suddenly a red-bearded dwarf appeared in front of Clarkson, right before Waity would have smashed into him. Waity crashed into the new dwarf, smashing his other knee into the ground, before Healy came out of the tent to retrieve him.
Clarkson shook his head at Healy, who then turned around and went to deal with the team. The red bearded dwarf turned around and shook Clarkson's hand. "Looked like you needed some help there. Glad I could lend a hand. I'm Stooge"
"I remember you, you were one of the people who signed up for the runner slot. You wanted to try something other than just getting the ball to someone and running it. Or was that someone else?" Clarkson replied.
"Yeah, that was me. And you need a new runner 'cause of Waity's knee. It's not like you have much choice, what with TR not giving you cause to Rejoice. You need a second scoring threat, and my way can provide you with that." Stooge said.
"You really think you can handle the pressure? Think you can avoid cracking under the stress? The job's yours, as if I remember correctly you were my third pick. We'll sit down later and talk about the plan for the game against Twisted Rotten."
Waity called from the ground "The match isn't even over yet, and you've given away my slot. I was your first star, and without me, we both know that people will be leaving the fanbase in droves."
Clarkson leaned down until he was at eye level with Waity (a.k.a. not very far) and hissed "You know what? I don't care. I came to this league to win, and the fact that a rookie just put you on the ground with hardly a flick of his wrist means that you aren't that useful to me.
Her wrist. Stooge is female. I know it's hard for halflings and other non-dwarves to tell the difference, but that should have been obvious. Regardless, I could still help. You need someone to deal with offense, someone with experience. At the very least take me on as an assistant coach.
Clarkson recoiled at the revelation, but regained his cool. You know what? Fine. That might keep you from becoming another Valerie. You're now in charge of coordinating offensive drives. BUT, I want to try out Stooge's plans for at least one match.
In order to pay for entry fees to this year's league Clarkson signed a multipart exclusive with a premier Cablevision Channel. Over the course of the season there will be multiple episodes, including in what happened over the off-season, how the gameplan was decided last season, how it will be decided this season, and what the varying players think of their opponents. For now Clarkson is going to make ten predictions about the season.
10. All returning teams will make finals
I think that barring a crop of really lucky/really good rookie teams I doubt that CP, RP, TBK, or SSS will fail to get to finals, especially RP and TBK who will probably be coming out with a vengeance to get to finals.
9. Doc Nutsmasher, Kowen, or Stinger will not be on SSS come finals
People are going to start pulling out the big guns against SSS, and eventually one of the stars is going to go down. And when they do everyone will be happy. Except Crow.
8. Twisted Rotten will develop into one of the best bashing teams the league has known
They might not look like now but assuming they keep management Nurgle can continue the legacy of Chaos Teams that has continued since season I. I would expect that by the end of this season assuming they don't get orphaned they'll be almost as feared as SSS on home ground.
7. The Eagles will not do as well as the Sabres during their first season.
They might have the potential, but I don't think that they'll bring home a trophy (other than possibly a rookie award).
6. The Razors will continue Aedilred's losing streak during the early season.
Whilst it is possible that Aedilred's curse ended with the Sabres, I personally think that the Razors will fail until at least week 3, after which they'll probably hit the ground, for a while after because they are one of the very lucky teams who get to play SSS at home!
5. No skaven will top the scoring leaderboard
Rushing may be a different matter, but I think that the number one spot will go to a high elf, or possibly a dwarf (there is absolutely no bias here)
4. Someone other than Fredo will win the Snotling Derby
If this doesn't occur I will be highly disappointed with our crop of bashers
3. There will be a game with four goals for one side.
There are some high scoring teams out there, and with the Razor's pitch I would be surprised if this didn't occur at least once. (Probably not the Razors)
2. A team will have qualified by All-Star Week
It'll be tight, but I believe it's possible. Probably require a run with no losses at all.
1. Sneak Kings will not get the Crud! Cup
I think that with their stadium should allow them to make finals without much difficulty. Of course they can't focus as much on secret weapons as a normal goblin team, but their stadium will let their trolls shine more in comparison to the players that normally shine on a goblin team. That said they're pretty reliant on The King for a scoring threat.
Aedilred
2014-07-13, 11:48 PM
(Bad) Badenhof Broadcasting Corporation: Channel 5 (Live)
Host: Simon Ketchup
Welcome back, all, and we're glad to see you after a bit of a break for most of the season. Anyway, with the regular season now over and playoffs due to commence imminently, it's time for Mark Kerching, our resident expert, to give a run-down of the season, and give out his own unofficial awards.
Mark: Thanks Simon. Unlike the regular season awards given out at league level, these are entirely subjective, personal and unofficial, and the players will see no benefit from them at all.
Simon: Just wanted to make that clear, did you?
Mark: Absolutely. So, here we go, our B-B-C Season V Unofficial Awards.
Best team: Rampant Professionalism
This team deserves serious respect. Not only did they top the scoring charts, maintain the joint-best defensive record of the season, and qualify top of a competitive group with a game to spare with a great divisional record, but they did it while losing every single one of their established veterans over the course of the season to death or serious injury. Not many teams can shrug off that sort of punishment and maintain the pace on the field. However the playoffs go, this season's been a moral triumph for them already.
Best comeback: Tony Hesperaxian
Let's face it, there's only one name in the frame. After effectively three seasons on the sidelines, there was a lot of weight resting on the former All-Stars hero's shoulders and if anything he's surpassed expectations, topping the SPP charts and spearheading one of the most prolific offences around. The former hipster's choice player is now a mainstream star. Kudos.
Biggest flop: Doc Nutsmasher
What?! I hear you cry. Doc topped the casualty charts and is riding high in KOs. By almost any standard, he's had a great season... but that's precisely the problem. By his own standard this season must be held a disappointment. With his skillset, playing half his matches on a pitch and with facilities tailor-made for him, and with tentacles to lock players in place, Doc should have been challenging for Bull's season records, and, barring an exceptional playoff performance, he's likely to fall a way short. In many respects he's been outshone by his Skaven team-mates, not to mention the impressive trolls over at the Sneak Kings.
Biggest shock: Waity Darkbeard's retirement
The most divisive player in the league was all set to storm to the top of the rushing yards charts again when he was abruptly sacked early in the season. He was carrying injuries, but coach Clarkson's decision to ditch his one genuine star and the only player on his team most people could identify under the big beards (all dwarfs look the same) still came as a major surprise. Crooked Peak have still qualified in Waity's absence, but they've only scored eight touchdowns since his departure, and the jury's still out on whether it was the right call.
Most underappreciated player: Castiel
This category is here for the player who can't quite catch a break, the one who doesn't light up any charts, who might not even score any SPPs, but is quietly putting in the hard yards while nobody's paying attention. The Bloodknight's fourth vampire has apparently had a quiet season, but he's also been a key cog in the Bloodknights' success in qualification, fitting into the round support role in which the more glamorous Valerie von Streissenhower previously proved a square peg. Cruelly denied a MVP award and game-winning touchdown against the Eagles, his value to the team was shown in Player Swap Week when the team limped to a loss without him.
Week 1
Host: Simon Ketchup
As I'm sure by now you're all aware, it's the start of a new Blood Bowl season, with the first matches due to take place later this week. It seems like months since the end of the last season, and indeed it has been. With me to offer a rundown of the teams to watch out for is our resident expert Mark Kerching.
Mark: Hello Simon.
Simon: First off, let's take a look over the returning teams from previous seasons.
Mark: The Bloodknights, Crooked Peak and Rampant Professionalism are all returning from Season IV. The Bloodknights are the best-established of those, and they've been around for two seasons now, so they're looking like old hands.
Simon: What can we expect from them?
Mark: Both the Bloodknights and Rampant Professionalism are similar, in a way. They've got stacks of talent with ball in hand, a fair amount of groundspeed, and they're agile enough to give opposing players the slip. The Bloodknights are a bit more physical, with their vampires, but they tend to feed off their own players to such an extent they almost always end up outnumbered fairly quickly, and can't always take a lot of punishment. Crooked Peak are heavily reliant on their star player Waity Darkbeard. He rushed a lot of yards last season but most of their matches were entirely geared towards getting him the ball and funnelling him to the end zone.
Simon: How does that bode for Crooked Peak, then?
Mark: Not as badly as you might think. It's a well-worn cliche that teams with talent across the park are better than teams built around one player, but it hasn't always held true in this league. Kowen was a sensation last season despite having relatively little backup at times. The Peak aren't entirely a one-man team, either, and they have some good blockers and a second runner if anything happens to Waity. If a team can shut down Waity they stand a good chance of beating the Peak, but they still have to shut him down.
Simon: You mentioned Kowen there, and of course he's back in action with Triple-S.
Mark: Triple-S return after a season off, although they've re-hired most of their old players including Doc Nutsmasher and the Skaven they picked up from the Feets back in Season 2. They look like the most formidable team going at the start of the season, especially with their home advantage.
Simon: We've got a few teams with a new home ground and there's already speculation on how it's going to affect the matches.
Mark: Right. There's been a lot of construction in the off-season, and all sorts of buildings thrown up, but what really matters in most cases is the pitch surface. Triple-S have gone for a really soft deep-pile grass that will help to cushion players' falls and stop them getting injured so easily when they go down.
Simon: That should be useful for their lower-armoured goblins at least.
Mark: Yes, but that's not just why they've done it. Doc Nutsmasher has that massive claw that rips armour open like tinfoil, so he's free to tear up the opposition's line of scrimmage without worrying about getting injured in return. Combined with his natural troll regeneration, he's going to be almost invincible at home, especially since there aren't any other teams out there with claws to challenge him. Twisted Rotten play them late in the season and by that point they might have picked up a couple of mutations to let them meet the Strut on more of an equal footing, but other than that it'll be one-way casualty traffic at the Underfield.
Simon: What about the other stadia?
Mark: The Sneak Kings are the Hellbug's new startup, and he's used some of his profits from the Heroes to buy them an all-singing, all-dancing stadium at the Thunderdome. It's built over ley lines so there are more wizards around, and with the kind of inducement money the goblins will be pulling in they're likely to be able to field a few of them. But the real secret weapon is in the facilities they have available, which will help their trolls be more effective at home.
Simon: Could that be a game-changer?
Mark: Absolutely. Normally you have to babysit trolls on the pitch so that ties up a lot of the team's resources, and there's always a risk they'll eat some of their goblin minders too. At the Thunderdome the goblins can leave the trolls on their own with impunity and trust them to follow a plan. The only worry is that they play Triple-S at home, so Doc will get a chance to use those facilities too, and that'll make him even more dangerous.
Simon: Then of course there's the Wreck right here in Bad Badenhof...
Mark: Yes, the Wreck's been refitted for the Razors, who are now using this as their home ground. They've put in artificial turf, which in practice games has seemed to make a big difference to how quickly the players get about. The Razors are mostly a running team, so they'll enjoy the yard of extra pace they can pick up at home.
Simon: Of course, visiting teams will be just as fast...
Mark: Relatively, yes. It's difficult to know how it'll affect the games, but a team like Crooked Peak could really benefit from the extra mobility, and some of the other teams they play are also pretty fast - the Rats, the Eagles, the Bloodknights - so we're likely to see a lot of touchdowns at the Wreck this season; I expect it'll be the highest-scoring ground.
Simon: Any predictions for the first week?
Mark: All the home teams have to be favourites, apart from the Razors. They might just edge the Bloodknights on discipline, but the Bloodknights have a lot more experience and if they can control themselves for a couple of drives they should be able to power their way through the Razors' defence. It's likely to be close, though.
Simon: Thank you Mark, and remember, we'll be covering some of those matches live right here on the Beeb.
Leriel
2014-07-14, 10:56 AM
Nevermind the sweeties! Here's the Mysterious Skaven!
Episode 13 - The Wake
Sigrdrífa looks at her friends. It's so strange... seeing that all Valkyrie wear black, chaste dresses. A mourning is a mourning, we cannot deny that...
Göndul interrupts her thoughts. "So this is really the end..." she whispers.
The former priestess of Odin nods. "A mage, a priest and a mindcrafter tried to get in touch with Leriel. According to them, he's no more in this world - whatever this mean."
"Are they the same ones that checked the legacy?"
Sigrdrífa nods again. "Indeed. It's not a forgery, it's really Leriel's testament. Authentic. Poor Meredith... that's an heavy burden. Who would have thought? The stadium, the team, the treasure... Leriel left everything to her. He just asked for a mourning wake."
"They said that his office was in perfect order..."
"Another strange thing. Just some notes on the blackboard - some kinds of graphics, strange squares linked by arrows - and the envelope for Meredith on the desk, with the document. Quite a shock for the girl."
Sigrdrífa pauses, looking at Dana and Dr. Badger invoking the Horned Rat (they're asking that the spirit of Leriel could find proper rest...)
"Speaking of restless souls, I heard that also Katherine vanished. Did you manage to speak with Zara, Göndul? I wasn't able."
"I did. Zara discovered that the banshee got her beautiful voice thanks to a pact with the demon, that Etrigan. All that kind of pacts ends bad. Katherine was happy to help Leriel; she got her revenge and found peace."
"So the Reapers finished their work. The demon is no more."
"A nice new for them, another bad one for Meredith. Looks like they joined SF just for this reason. Probably they'll left. Speaking of them, also Krusty... They say he wants to leave SF in order to join LDR! He's mad for Tanya and Tanya Too..."
"Hush, Crow is speaking..."
The birdy coach reaches the reading desk, with Selene at his side. Sigrdrífa can't help noticing the contrast: the Succubus was so proud and cocky when facing the dangerous demon, now she feels uneasy in her ceremonial black gown.
"...so you did it. You were ahead 4-2 in our lifetime series of non-friendly matches. With a clearly superior team for once, I expected my rats to manhandle yours, my longtime rival... And now? How can I get my revenge? HOW?!"
Crow moves away. Aedilred takes some notes: surely it's not the best time to points Crow that now the score is 6-2... but reports are reports.
"Your turn, Göndul."
The Valryria moves gracefully towards the reading stand. She discovers F.A.S.T. Gonzalo, sitting near Meredith, his body covered again by bandages (this time to heal his body, not concealing it). She shudders, but she has something to say.
"Someone already told it... Leriel has been shot, poisoned, beheaded, burned, entombed in ice and banished to the underworld (or at least some of the above, I forget all the details), so I wouldn't worry too much. I'd like to agree with these words. But I cannot. Sweet Feet are not orphaned, thanks to Meredith, but I feel so."
Göndul stops and takes a small book from a pocket.
"I borrowed this. It's a sort of diary from Leriel. Let me read what he put inside the first page... a fragment from an old book, written in red and green."
"You write down everything that happens," she said.
"Everything that I write down happens," was the answer.
THE END... for now :)
The Naked Singularity, match Sweet Feet vs. Triple-S. Half time.
Sweet Feet players gather around Skitter, thanking him for the awesome support. The star player is happy, but he can see that the team is worried - much more than he could expect from just a match.
"Boys, I know that Triple-S are a fearsome team, but hey, we're playing well... Relax!"
Mister Tea shakes his head, getting his scythe and a new helmet from the pitch and pointing to the center of the stadium: MS and Annie are already there.
At the border of the field, Dana is worried; she looks at the two musicians, knowing the feeling in Annie's hearth, still not understanding why Leriel approved MS' idea of a half-time duet.
"I cannot see the coach". Meredith is nervous, too. Leriel told everyone to be prepared; looks like the Reapers are ready, focused on MS. What is that... demon?
"According to his instructions, Möbius should uncage the birds after the first solo of MS... that is... NOW!"
Meredith raises her hand; at this signal, the former player of Beyond Entropy opens some wood cages, freeing a lot of birds. Screaming ones: they are Screech Owls, Mutton Birds, and some other... things.
"Things" is the proper word, since MS is singing, and everything is changing: the stadium itself looks like a flaming pit, the spectators are turning to horrible beasts, the birds resemble creatures from a nightmare.
Sweet Feet are made of this, and who am I to let you live?
I travelled the world with a song that kill
Took this body and looked for warpstone...
The final part of the song is covered by screams and shouts and loud noises: a deafening sonic burst that echoes for miles.
Meredith nods at Dana - everyone in SF is wearing a special helmet that stops sounds. She looks at Triple-S: the other team did the same, apart Kowen, who's still holding the helmet in his clawed hands, somewhat stunned from the scream.
MS looks surprised (well, you can't tell much from his face covered by bandages...) but he has more urgent stuff to worry about; the Reapers are attacking him with their scythes!
The Mysterious Skaven laughs, simply dodging the blows with preternatural speed, letting the blades come near and evading at the last moment.
"How can he be so fast!?" McHermano shouts while stretching his arm, trying to reach his foe.
"You said the word, fool... No one could be faster than me! LOOKS!"
The reaper hears MS' words directly in his head. He's scared, but that's nothing compared to the following vision: MS removes his bandages (while dodging all attacks), revealing a slender skaven body, covered by miriads of Warpstone pieces, somewhat innested in his skin.
And the body is a familiar one: yes, it's F.A.S.T. Gonzalo!
At the opposite site of the field, Crow nods: he already realized it. He's not wearing an helmet, of course: everyone is properly protected by some magic from Selene. The birdy coach starts to speak to her, but he finds out that the Succubus is no more at his side: she's at the center of the field, where another beautyful girl is facing "MS", floating on air, holding Leriel's head in her arms.
The no-more-mysterious skaven laughs again. "What do you think, Leriel? Do you want to stop me with some girl power?"
Leriel looks at the banshee, who starts singing a sad song. The nearby Reapers, even with the protection of their helmets, growl in pain. Selene's magical shield is covered by lightning. The demon just smiles.
But suddenly Selene adds her voice to the song:
Free the might from fleshy mire.
Boil the blood in heart of fire.
Gone, gone the form of man,
Rise the demon Etrigan!
The warpstone erupts from MS' body, scattering away in all directions. Blood pours from the skaven body, that starts to change, now resembling a muscular humanoid creature with orange skin, horns, red eyes, and ears resembling bat wings.
"HOW DO YOU DARE TO UTTER MY NAME!"
"Your true name, dear. You are powerful, indeed... but now you're nothing. No one plays with me. No. One."
The beautiful Succubus touches her lips and sends a kiss to the creature, that's wracked by pain. In the meantime, Katherine continues singing, and each verse opens a wounds on the flesh of the demon.
Finally, Leriel utters an unaudible word: and the demon is no more.
The stadium returns back to his proper form. Spectators are fine, too: the temporary deafness protected them from the voice of the banshee.
Dana quickly reaches the body of F.A.S.T. Gonzalo: the star player needs medical care!
The Reapers remove the helmets and shout their battle cry!
Annie screams in joy and reaches Rudy!
And Leriel?
The petrified head is on the ground, crumbled to small pieces...
TO BE CONTINUED ?
"...Krusty received for the Feet again on the next kickoff, and after running the ball forward a little, the refs blew the final whistle."
And the Feet's supporter starts screaming and shouting in joy!
Dr. Badger congratulates with Zara. "Your advices were indeed useful, I'm glad I had your support for this match. I never treated wounds of this kind before."
Zara herself cannot hide a smile. She's not a great fan of rats... but enemies of vampires are her allies. "You're welcome, Doctor. But I just provides some advices..." she says, looking at the countless holy symbols she put around the field (and at the necks of skaven players!)
Meredith smiles and looks at Leriel. The coach seems satisfied: it's difficult to read his expression (even before the petrification she had some problems!) but he nods, floating near the field lab of Dr. Badger and Dana.
Krusty rushed to the locker room after the match, immediately returning with two identical bouquets of roses. He reaches Tanya and Tanya Too, gives them the flowers and murmurs "Thank you", blushing.
"Bluebeater" Rudy laughs, raises his fist to the sky and starts singing a love song... but he stops with a pained growl. His broken arm hurts a lot.
Annie hears him and gets closer, looking sad. "First the ribs, now your arm... Rudy, honey, I'm really worried... Do you think it's a good idea? I mean, you're a good player, but you're also a good singer... and a handsome skaven!"
Rudy smiles at her and hugs the orange-haired girl. "Annie, let me finish the season. Then we'll stay together! You know, I will skip next match, but the play-off are so close..."
Leriel floats near him, gathering the team in the meantime. "The season could be already finished, Rudy. Next match will be the hardest we ever played."
"What?! Coach, Crow told that he wants to rest his team... We'll face a bunch of goblins!"
"No, Rudy. These were the words of his press agency. The former one, I mean. Selene was not happy to hear such gossip. She wasn't soft with the Tomb Guardians, also: Varg and the other tomb guardians will take months to regenerate, since they're shredded in pieces smaller than ants. Crow hired them to guard the entrance of the Underfield, but MS managed to get inside nevertheless."
Meredith looks at Leriel astonished, her mouth open, speechless. How can he know?
Rudy steps forward. "But coach, Triple-S are already in! Why this decision?"
"He wants to reach the top of Division A. He points to the top, as usual, and I respect him for this." Leriel then turns from Rudy to Meredith.
"Don't be surprised, Ms. Graytail. I know the details. As I already knew the identity of MS, when I hired Annie and him. He's not an unexpected... guest."
Meredith, Zara, Dana, Annie and Rudy start speaking - then they hear a single word from Leriel, directly in their heads - "Hush". And silence falls.
"I'm sure he will make his move during the next match. Everyone, be prepared. Zara, may I ask for your presence? You're the most experienced with... demons. Meredith, you and Die Valkyrie dodged it by killing me... Do you understand, now?"
"What... what do you mean, Leriel?" Zara is really worried.
"The one I tried to summon at the end of Season 3. The one who did not manage to feed with the Fabulous L's lifes. He was unable to respect the pact, sure, so Die Valkyrie are still alive... but the summoning bonded it to this world. And he's eager to get his vengeance on me."
TO BE CONTINUED...
McHermano and Göndul are sitting at a table, in a corner of the tavern. The lady is somewhat sad, while the skaven is crying.
"The Mistress" looks at the heap of beer mugs on her side (about three times the number on the ones on the opposite side... this beer is really light, she thinks), then she tries again to comfort her colleague.
"Come on, McHermano, I told you: Leriel is that kind of coach. You were concentrated on your reaper's duty; no one can blame you. Again, don't worry - we'll pay your fee until the end of this season..."
Unlike the Valkyria, McHermano has some difficulty speaking; he barely manages not to fall from the chair.
"I know, I know... but you see... Tanya! And Tanya, too!" He shakes his head and drinks another sip of beer.
"McHermano, be a ma... a rat! There are a lot of girls... Dana, for example. Or Annie, Meredith..."
The Reaper looks at Göndul. The tears washed away his make-up, and the tattoo of a Red Rook on his face is no more hidden.
"I have a duty, Göndul. I cannot date not-reapers girl. Renounce to Tanya? I can endure it. But Tanya AND Tanya, too... it's too hard!"
"That's right, Reaper. You have a duty. Out of this tavern: tomorrow we'll need you."
The two throwers look at the not-so-tall girl who just spoke. She's dressed with black leather clothes, a blessef holy symbol is hanging from her neck and she's playing with a stake.
"ZARA! Come and drink something! I'm so happy to see you!" Göndul moves to greet the Star Player, "The Chosen One": Zara the Slayer.
Zara nods and pierces the table with her stake (wooden, but with a steel soul!).
"I have some intelligence for you, Göndul. Sigrdrífa had a very wise idea, asking me to give some advice to the Sweet Feet before their match against that awful Vampyres... I wish I have more spare time, to join the Feet!"
Zara closes her fist and nods. "Foul creatures of the night... Nevermind, we have another problem. Remember the "voices" from the Naked Singularity stadium? I found the reason..."
Zara takes a parchment from her pouch. "The stadium lies on a burial chamber; a banshee was trapped there, centuries ago. I found her name: Katherine Bush."
"What's a "banshee", Zara?" McHermano managed to wash away some drunkenness.
"A banshee is an unliving creature, the spirit of a betrayed woman. Maddened by grief, a banshee visits her vengeance on all living creatures — innocent or guilty. Her wail means death."
Zara looks away, and closes her eyes.
"The legend says that Katherine was an outstanding singer. And a beautiful, carefree woman... a jealous lady cut her throat with a razor."
Zara pauses for a moment, then she adds:
"The details do not matter, but the confinement limits the powers of Kate voice. She can no more kill from a distance, but her voice still have some powers... Dr.Badger discovered it."
Zara takes another parchment and uncovers it on the table.
"But there's more. These are the construction plans of the stadium, written by Leriel himself. There is a corridor that connects the burial chamber with the stadium! Do you know where it ends? In Leriel's office..."
TO BE CONTINUED...
(Thanks to Morten Maalven [AKA Malaki], guest star of the week!)
"Good morning, Leriel".
"Morten Maalven, please stop fooling around... "Morning" has no sense here. Well, time at all has no sense in this place."
The creature named "Morten Maalven" smiles. Leriel can just sense a glimpse of light on its face. Face... an idea of a face. Welding goggles are covering its eyes and darkness surrounds its body, wrapped in a leather trench.
"Sense of Wrong? First teach same.
Sense of Morals fade. Count on.
Sense of Action, to men of tears;
Sense of Humor, the other colder fact.
Sense of Honor? Collect my gems, elf!"
Leriel turns his head (that is, himself!) trying to find out who uttered these verses, but as usual he cannot find it. The disembodied head closes his eyes: this place is beyond any logic.
Just a blink of eyes, and Leriel can see Morten Maalven browsing a small book. The cover displays a group of well-built men and women, standing in a lava pool. The title is something about a storm... but Maalven shuts the book, that disappears.
The turned-to-stone coach starts to speak, just to be interrupted by the creature. "Just a memory of the past. Your past, of course. Don't ask, since you could not like the answer. Oh, and about the match... I told you that I was a coach of Nurgle and Necromantic teams. Why did you follow my gameplan?"
Leriel looks at the creature, that now is sitting on the ground, holding his knee. A grassy ground that was not existing a second ago. Malven looks at the sky and Leriel follows its gaze... a sky of steel, a sky pulsating with lights and lightnings, where energy moves following strange patterns. Black clouds, shaped as fat centipedes with short, silver legs; something like rivers of blood and yellow ichor, flowing in the sky.
As the vision disappears, Leriel speaks again.
"I followed your plan since I trusted you. I trust you. I have no hearth, but don't believe Crow: I still have feelings. And I am sad, I am angry, I feel ashamed: you know everything, don't pretend. You know well: I can deceive my team and my fellow coaches, but not myself."
Leriel cries - cries! - and small little gems falls to the ground. And as they fall, the ground starts to ripple in green circular waves.
"I know well, and you learned well. The language of the Dead. The language of the Living. The Music of the Spheres. So... just do the first pass. Do you still fear The Void Which Binds?"
Leriel looks at Maalven with a stern gaze.
"No fear at all. But I care - I care for them. They will try to prevent the attack and they will be crushed. I wish I could change that."
Morten Maalven rises. He starts floating and rotating on himself, like a human clock. He moves his hands and fingers on a black, long and slim box. Suddenly the words "What do you wish for?" appear in front of Leriel. A blinking, horizontal, luminous line follows the question mark.
Maalven disappears with a smile, like a Cheshire cat. "Dreamscape? No. This is the Church of Reality, my friend. Time to reach R00t status..."
TO BE CONTINUED...
Annie turns pale. "MS... a demon? I was playing, laughing, spending my time with a DEMON?"
She collapses on her chair, panting.
"Are you so scared, girl? Do you feel the same for me?" Selene smiles at the singer, then she addresses the Valkyrie.
"And you? Do you want to listen to me... maybe you're too scared, like her..."
"They are scared and you know it, Selene". A female voice utters these words in a dull, expressionless way.
Everyone turns and see the speaker: a white robed skaven, her body covered of scars. Dana Scarry - Dr.Badger's assistant. She's surrounded by four hooded creatures, that suddenly reveal their faces: Mister Tea, McHermano, Velydra Sr. and Vysaga Jr.
Each of them holds a staff - no, a scythe! - in his hand.
Selene hisses and the skavens start to move forward... but Dana raises an hand. A tattoo of a chessman - a White Queen - is well visible on the palm.
With the same featureless voice, Dana goes on:
"You're not our target, Selene. Selene, Mistress of Lust, Queen of Pleasure, Lady... no, I will not utter your true name."
Dana nods, then speaks again.
"We are called "the Reapers". Don't be fooled by the deceiving words of Mister Tea. Our duty is to track and remove the treats for skavenkind; especially the demonic ones. We were already following the so called "Mysterious Skaven"; there is no more need to work secretly. We are here to collaborate with you. Do you agree with the truce, Selene?"
Meredith looks back and forth at Dana and Selene. She realizes that no customers are still in the place - maybe the "Reapers" told them to go away, sensing problems.
Selene stands up, and her tunic rips as she opens her wings. For a moment she's surrounded by a black light... then she laughs, a sound that could break a man's hearth and make him cry.
"Truce. Since I think that you'll have no chance to overcome such a creature."
Dana nods, then she and her fellows Reapers sit down with the group. The white-robed skaven turns to Mister Tea (a tattoo of a Green Bishop chessman is now visible on his face), who starts speaking.
"Reports of demonic activities started in Marienburg... where a lot of warpstone was stolen, in addition. We followed him up to here. Everywhere, reports of a three-armed skaven and disasters. We still don't know his plans..."
"If he has one, apart playing with us." adds Selene.
Mister Tea looks at the succubus and nods, then goes on:
"I propose to ask some assistance from DarkTail. NineTails - I mean, Tanya - worked well; so far DarkTail was unaware of MS thanks to the hypnotic drug, but Dangerous Beanz could be a great help..."
Selene stops him again.
"Speaking of that... Dana, Dr.Badger is going too far. Rat-ogres? Humphs. Chaos dwarves? CHAOS DWARVES? Dwarves are ugly enough."
She moves toward the door, adding some last words:
"I have to take care of some stupid journalists. Good night, darlings..."
TO BE CONTINUED...
Annie feels dizzy for a moment. Sure, this is not the first time she enters in a tavern, but this time she's overwhelmed by the acrid smell of the place - beer, smoke, spices... Nevertheless, Meredith asked her to meet in this place.
The orange-haired skaven is welcomed by some curious stares: regulars that returns shortly to their drinks and low conversations. Then she spots her friends, standing up, waiting for her.
Annie strides toward Meredith and finds that she's not alone: two tables were joined and a lot of girls surrounds her. Girls? Tall, well-built, athletic ones... could they be?
Meredith smiles - a sad smile on a tired face - and she takes her friend's hands in hers. "Annie, thanks a lot for coming... We do need all the help we can summon..."
The daughter of the Grey Seer nods to the girls and smiles again. "Annie, did you already guess? They are Göndul, Hildr, Mist... Die Valkyrie!"
The girls raise and start greeting the singer, who needs to sit down, her heart beating fast.
"Hi Annie! What a voice!"
"Annie! Meredith's friends are also mine!"
"Annie! I want your autograph!"
"Me too, on my breast!"
Everyone laughs at the daring words of Mist (who already opened her shirt!) and at the blushing on Annie's face - everyone but a hooded one, sitting near Meredith, looking away.
Some more nice words and Annie sits down, happy and relieved to see her friend.
"Meredith! Finally you're back! So... Did you manage to speak with Crow?"
Meredith shakes her head sadly, and the orange-haired skaven gets closer, worried.
"By the horned rat! What happened? You look like you saw a ghost! Oh sorry... you already met Leriel's one..."
The hooded one snorts and crosses its arms, before speaking with a somewhat angry, but very sensual, feminine voice (Skeggjöld and Mist stop flirting and turn toward her...):
"She did. Don't wast time - my time, girls. Meredith managed to speak with me and Crow. What happened to Leriel is easy to understand: just think that he's just an head and he lost his heart. What really matters is a completely different issue..."
Meredith nods and the hooded figure shortly show her face - the perfect oval of Selene, the Succubus. Sigrdrífa (a former priestess of Odin!) gasps and makes a protective gesture against the Evil.
"Relax, Valkyria... I mean you no harm... today." Selene is wearing a large robe, but her dress cannot hide her curvy body.
"There's a menace. Someone powerful, someone who knows how to reshape reality according to his whims." Selene raises his hand, showing some runic tattos on her arm, to prevent Hildr from speaking.
"I don't mean Leriel and his dreamscape powers. There's someone with real powers... I felt him. He played with me - with me! - and Crow and Meredith during her visit to the Underfield. Stinger and Kowen were unable to catch him."
Meredith nods, shivering. She don't dare to interrupt Selene.
The beautiful lady unrolls a small parchment. A three armed skaven, wrapped in bandages, like a mummy. Some notes and runes of power written in an unknown language, in tiny handwriting.
Annie gasps, horrified. "MS!"
But Selene looks at her with a cold glance. "He's much more. He's not just a "Mysterious Skaven". He's someone... of my kind."
TO BE CONTINUED...
(Thanks to TheTyrantis for proofreading!)
From the journal of Dr. Badger of Clan Moulder, Apothecary of Sweet Feet
Vorgeheim, 11 - Marktag
Surely a strange twist of fate, being hired from a floating head. I never saw such a... Mimir, it's called in literature - both scientific and folklore, I discovered.
I cannot perform proper analysis on the subject - it looks like a floating piece of gray stone, shaped as a head, with the faculty of speech; the type of stone is unknown. The drawback of this job is being prevented from a scientific approach on the "coach"; but the possibility of experimenting with warpstone and a permanent laboratory is a real bless.
Vorgeheim, 20 - Backertag
After some negative performances of the team, I was finally allowed to summon my assistant - and I have all the resources I need! Dana will arrive tomorrow, with the documentation I left to the laboratory. It's not scientific, I know, but she's the better assistant I ever had - maybe since I created her? I still remember the laughter of my colleagues, that nicknamed her "Scarry" for the scars I did not care to remove from her body; but her mind proved to be bright as mine - and the name of "Dana Scarry" is whispered with awe, today.
Vorgeheim, 23 - Angestag
A failure. A complete failure. How can it be? The creation of a mutant rat is an established procedure. The specimen provided by Dana satisfied all the standard requisite. The warpstone flowed in the body of the Experiment I as a hymn to the Horned Rat... but the hymn turned in a death wail. The Experiment I stood on his feet as a paragon of his kind; but suddenly he grasped his head and started screaming, ripping of his ears in order to stop hearing a sound - something that neither Dana or I were able to hear.
A following analysis of the eardrums of Experiment I showed no alteration of sort; nevertheless, Experiment I crushed his head with his own hands. The sound in his head must have been unbearable.
Vorgeheim, 27 - Marktag
Experiments with lesser specimen showed a similar behavior - some kind of sound haunts the creatures blessed by the Warpstone. Dana had a good idea: a Rat-Ogre just has to crush and tear apart his opponents - it doesn't need to follow precise orders. A deaf specimen would satisfy the requisite from Mr. Leriel. We started to work on Experiment II with this in mind, giving him an earless head. But we faced the same result.
That's really disappointing - even a student can create a Rat-Ogre with simple instincts!
Vorgeheim, 29 - Bezahltag
Today I had an interesting meeting with a member of the musical staff hired by Mr. Leriel. He introduced himself as "The Mysterious Skaven", refusing to tell us his real name and origin. With my surprise, Dana declined my proposal of all of us having a drink and small talks.
This "MS" was blessed with a third arm; for some scenographic reason, he keeps his body covered with bandages (even his head) so I was unable to discern his clan (and it's too impolite to ask such a question).
Being a musician, I asked him about sounds, specifically sounds that a trained ear can feel. He somewhat dodged my question, but he gave me an interesting hint: the stadium is a source of sounds. Team players (and even his colleague singer - a blameworthy young skaven girl) said that they actually heard voices coming from the play field.
Vorgeheim, 30 - Konistag
Time is running out. Mr. Leriel requires a Rat-Ogre, a basic request that I'm unable to satisfy. Dana and I inspected the stadium and we witnessed the presence of "voices". Dana wanted some time to properly investigate their origin, but we don't have enough. We heard them; she's skeptical, but she agrees that we need to find a countermeasure.
Geheimnistag
We performed some test. There is a connection about the amount of Warpstone, intelligence of the specimen and influence of the "voices" on the final result: it's something like
influence = alpha * amount / intelligence (alpha to be properly calculated).
Unfortunately, the warpstone amount cannot be reduced; but an ogre specimen with high intelligence is an oxymoron.
Nachgeheim, 2 - Aubentag
Dana managed to find an adequate human specimen - a blitzer from a disbanded human team. He's quite big and has an higher than average intelligence. Tomorrow we'll start the procedure - may the Horned Rat bless our work.
Nachgeheim, 3 - Marktag
Experiment III is alive! We faced some issues with the tissue resistance - human body is not as resistant as an ogre's, so we had to handle hemorrhages and minor fractures; but the subject survived. Tomorrow we'll test him on the field.
Nachgeheim, 4 - Backertag
Experiment III is a mixed success. He has potential, but he's not strong as a typical Rat-Ogre. Nevertheless his intelligence is high - he's smarter than his former human existence. He started to analyze game plans, defences... maybe Mr. Leriel could have a nice surprise.
Nachgeheim, 5 - Bezahltag
Again issues with hunting songs. Experiment III was unable to sleep - he faced nightmares, mostly related to "voices" and "songs". Today we had to use drugs to keep him awake - but this prevented a proper evaluation of his physical skills. An oddity: the Mysterious Skaven asked to speak in private with Experiment III. Note for tomorrow: Dana rushed away from MS, I need to speak with her about her behaviour.
Nachgeheim, 6 - Konistag
Experiment III is getting worse. He managed to sleep (thanks to some sleeping drought) but this morning he was a shadow of himself. I spoke with some players - Vysaga and "Bluebeater" Rudy, if I remember correctly; they found Experiment III scared, as if he was fearing something.
In addition, he was singing by himself. Mr. Rudy was a former musician; according to his experience, Experiment III was "completing the song of the field... replying to the voices". I know that Dana will not help me, but I think I'll ask counseling from MS.
Nachgeheim, 7 - Angestag
Today I faced the disaster. Experiment III awoke screaming. Luckily, MS was already in the laboratory and we went to speak with him. MS started whistling a strange tune; Experiment III replied with some disarticulated groans, but suddenly he opened his eyes wide and started singing. I try to report the words as appendix, since they're peculiar. MS rose his voice and suddenly Experiment III calmed down.
The rest of the day was a success - according to Mr. Vysaga, Experiment III played well. However, when the team went back to the locker rooms for a shower, Experiment III collapsed. Unfortunately I wasn't there and I have just second-hand descriptions, but Experiment III turned in a writhing mass of primal chaos. According to Mr. McHermano, "Rudy started singing a kinky song about Tanya - you know, LDR's cheerleader - and everyone replied, laughing. Then Exp Three joined the song... and he stopped suddenly, screaming about leaving open and closed... something like that. Then his arms started growing, and his legs becoming like water, and his body becoming... I don't know how to describe. His right eye got little as a dot, the other one went huge, his teeth like the mouth of a pirañha... another scream and all he left was this writhing mass."
Tomorrow I'll meet Dana for a recap.
APPENDIX:
Music made for pleasure,
Music made to thrill.
It was music we were making here until
They told us
All they wanted
Was a sound that could kill someone...
Nachgeheim, 15 - Angestag
I'm Dana Scarry. I'm reporting on the journal on behalf of Dr. Badger - the amount of work was huge and he was unable to update properly the journal. After long discussions we agreed a new approach: to use "voices" instead of contrasting them. A joined effort from the despicable Mysterious Skaven, Annie Rattox and "Bluebeater" Rudy produced a song - defined by the trio as "An heavy metal hymn to destruction, with influences from "Sex Harquebuses"'s song Anarchy in the Empire..."
We offered a formal ceremony to the Horned Rat and we followed the well-established procedure, with new specimen. The flowing of the warpstone was slow - and the song from the trio followed the rite.
We used a reinforced set of chains for this rite - a good idea, since the results was stronger than our expectation.
Experiment IV is a complete success, and all tests are green. His fellow players are quite scared: not from his physical strength, but from constantly hearing him singing lowly "No future for you..."
TO BE CONTINUED...
Meredith looks at Crow. She's tired, really tired of all this mess. But she cannot go back now. She takes a deep breath.
"Crow. It's no time for fooling around. We both know that you're the one who best knows Leriel... from the beginning. You proposed to start a Blood Bowl league... and he was the first to reply, gathering the Stinky Feet. He trained Kowen, Stinger, T.P.Xan and a lot of good players... that now are in your team. Do I need to mention Doc?"
Crow is silent - he cannot deny the words of the girl. Selene is near, smiling - she enjoy the look on Crow's face.
"So, tell me what do you think... why such a dirty, dastardly petrified head should suddenly stop arguing with the team, shouting at them and going crazy? Come on, he just speak of training, planning strategies and he hired an apothecary for safe!"
The girl is breathing hard. Alea iacta est... she finally managed to tell it. Now she cross fingers...
Crow closes his eyes - deep eyes of a bird - and turns his head away from the girl. He caresses his face with a feathered hand, then he replies to the skaven.
"You want to know... you'll not like the answer. Fine. I wanted his head as a Mimir... but he survived. Sure, he's alive... but he lost his heart."
Crow turns to Meredith, looking at her in a deep, inquiring way.
"Don't you see? Anger, fear, aggression... the dark side of the Force are they. Uh? What am I saying?..."
Selene rushes toward Crow, pointing at the center of the stadium: "Crow, beware! There's something here... something like..."
The beautiful succubus cannot finish her sentence... everything suddenly changes!
The place: a roman amphitheater of some king.
Crow: (dressed with a crimson tunic)
Who is this skaven girl cluttering up my hallway?
Who is this unfortunate?
Selene: (dressed as a soldier)
Some Graytail - son of the Seer
Crow:
Oh so this is Graytail Mer', I am really quite surprised
You look so small - not a seer at all
We all know that you are news - but are you queen
Queen of the Fools?
Meredith: (wearing a tattered tunic, in chains)
That's what you say
Crow:
What do you mean by that? That is not an answer
You're deep in trouble friend -
Some Graytail - son of the Seer
How can someone in your state be so cool about your fate?
An amazing thing - this silent queen...
(Stinger and Kowen enter. They wear black, religious tunics.)
Kowen:
We turn to Crow, to sentence that fool girl
We have no law to put a girl to death.
We need her crucified.
It's all you have to do.
We need her crucified.
It's all you have to do.
Crow:
Talk to me foolish queen.
You have been brought here
Manacled, beaten by your own people.
Do you have the first idea why you deserve it?
Listen Queen of the Fools,
Where is your kingdom?
Look at me. Am I a skaven?
Meredith:
I have no kingdom in this world.
I'm through.
There may be a kingdom for me somewhere.
If you only knew.
Crow:
Then you are a queen?
Meredith:
It's you that say I am.
I look for truth and find that I get damned.
Crow:
But what is truth?
Is truth a changing law?
We both have truths.
Are mine the same as yours?
Stinger and Kowen:
Crucify her! Crucify her!
Crow, Crucify her!
You're not a cheeser,
You have a duty
To run the League, so crucify her!
You're not a cheeser,
You'll be demoted.
You'll be deported. Crucify her!
The voices of Stinger and Kowen raise, raise... but they are covered by a scream of Selene.
"That's enough!"
The arms of the succubus are covered by mystical tattoes - she's using some sort of magic!
"Who dares to fool me?! You two - get him!"
Selene is pointing at someone at the center of the stadium - a three-armed one...
TO BE CONTINUED...
With a sigh and a lot of reassurance to Annie, Meredith leaves from the stadium. A strange whisper follows her ("We let the weirdness in...") but she concentrates on a more urgent issue - she needs to face Crow.
Reaching "the Underfield" is easy - the stadium is a huge building. The main entrance lies in front of her, she just needs to step in...
Meredith shudders. There's something wrong: with the corner of her eye, she saw a movement. She looks again and gasps looking at the stone statues at the sides of the entrance: they are accurate simulacra of Bull the Butcher and Mike the Mauler...
The "statues" make a step in her direction.
"I'm the Butcher" says the creature on the right, while his companion points at himself with his thumb - "And I'm the Mauler. We are the keeper of the Gate. You will not pass."
Meredith lowers her head and put an hand on the forehead, moving her tail slowly (she's a skaven, don't forget!)
"Please please please stop this fanfiction... Are you wanting to stop me with some light rays? Pretending you're twins, keepers of Cassandra?"
The tomb guardians look at themselves, astonished. "How can she know?"
Meredith steps forward. "Nevermind. I need to speak with Crow. Where is him?"
Bull the Butcher growls something, raising a fist big as a watermelon (a steel one)...
"Stop, Bull. Crow sent me to meet her. Come in, Meredith Gray(tail) - they will not harm you."
The voice belongs to a woman - a curvy and sexy one. Selene.
Meredith looks at the succubus - dressed in a swimsuit so small that you need to have faith in its existence. Where did Crow meet her? How did he manage to keep her at his side? It's still a mystery. Well, the fabled wife of Crow (and what does she think of Blood Bowl) is a greather mystery, of course.
Selene returns the look at the skaven girl, making her feel small and ugly - but Meredith raises her head and nods, following her.
The couple moves through some corridors - Selene walks swaying and looks bored, not caring at her guest.
Meredith hears a familiar voice and peeks in a room - it's Doc Nutsmasher... and he's writing something - an algebric formula?! - on a dashboard, some tentacles holding a book. A book?
"So, if I change the coordinate system to polar one, I can calculate the integral like this... ok... arctangent of plus infinite..."
Meredith is astonished but Selene closes the door, hissing at her. "Crow awaits!"
And he's not far. A stairway brings the girls to the tribune - Crow is sitting on a couch, looking at the empty field.
Selene blinks at him and bowes a little (while her bikini struggles against the force of gravity), then slides away.
Crow nods and turns to the skaven girl.
"Meredith Gray(tail). Son of a Gray Seer. Apothecary in a minor league, then Ghost Hunter and Keeper of the Mimir."
Crow was reading a parchment - Meredith can only see the word "Wiki" on top of it - but he rolls up it quickly.
"So. A daring move, coming to me. To my house. To my stadium. To my sanctuary! Croak!"
Meredith stares at Crow - until he nervously looks away.
"What do you want, girl?"
TO BE CONTINUED...
The alley is dark - just a small light from a lantern, resting on the ground. A small light indeed - but enough to outline a clawed foot. The foot moves away - and its owner snorts, while a short shape gets closer.
"You're late, Red Rook... Everyone was waiting for you."
"Nevermind, Green Bishop. I'm here and with good news, from Nine Tails!"
"So... what does her pretty face say?"
"The coach is not aware of what she did. Well, with a rooky team it's quite a joke for her... but probably she needs some more pois-"
"FOOL! Red Rook, don't name the thing!"
The hooded shape of "Red Rook" moves away with a growl, drawing something - the light flashes on it. Its hood raises a little - just to show a long, rat-like muzzle.
Another shape moves fast and grabs the arm of "Red Rook".
"Green is right. Behave properly."
"Red Rook" sheates the blade and nods. The third shape leaves the arm of his companion, then starts speaking with a low, nasal voice.
"From my side... the target feels self-confident. Today he proved his powers for the third time. His real target is obvious, but I cannot understand how he thinks he will accomplish that task."
"Thanks, Blue Knight." This time, another shape gets near - a bigger one. "Beer Girl is on her way to Feathered. Don't think she'll manage to get help, but I'll take a look nevertheless."
"Uhm." The creature called "Green Bishop" address the last speaker. "Black Pawn, she's still in touch with the Ladies. Don't understimate her. All of you, this time we cannot fail. And remember, I don't care for the fate of Naga!"
He pauses, looking at his companions. "So. Red Rook - you're in charge of nine Tails and go on studying the Wheather. Maybe he could collaborate, maybe some blackmail will do better. Again, be careful of his link with Feathered. Jinx is flowing there."
"Blue Knight. Don't forget the gym. Otherwise Naga could make bad moves. We don't want it. Low profile with target, as usual."
"Black Pawn. Beer Girl is a wild card. Be careful. Play nice as usual."
A pause, again.
"From my side, I'll go on investigating the Voices. Nomen omen... Ribbon was unaware of this. Oh, the White Queen is on her way - at least!"
The fellowship's members rejoice, but "Green Bishop" raises an hand to get silence.
"And now... away. The Facade needs to go on!"
TO BE CONTINUED...
"Annie? Wake up... Annie... Annie!"
"What? Where am I? Meredith... what's going on?"
"Annie, please, wake up and wear something... And let's go away... I don't want fanfiction about you and Rudy..."
Meredith points at the injuried linerat, sleeping on the floor.
"NO! Not again! And Rudy should take care..."
"Annie, please... Lower your voice... Are you sure there's nothing I should know? Come on, we're friends..."
The singer sighs, while leaving the place with Meredith.
"Believe me, Mer, I don't understand what's happening. The first time... I just remember that I was singing with MS, Rudy came to hear, and nothing more... nothing but MS waking up me and Rudy" she blushes.
Meredith nods.
"Then it happened again. Neither me nor Rudy can remember... believe me!"
"I don't know what to think, Annie. Surely I wasn't expecting such a success from your song - your fan club, "The Lollipops", is growing every day..."
"They are scaring. MS is happy, but... you know, some of them are... undead!"
"UNDEAD?!"
"I am sure I saw MS signing autograph to a werefolf and to a ghoul. Not to mention the vampire..."
"WHAT?"
"What else could it be? Someone with a T-shirt with the blood-red writing "Annie, I want to bite you!"..."
The orange-haired singer lower her head, then whispers:
"I'm scared, Mer. This strange guys, mad at us... Poor "Blindfold" Wayne killed by a goblin..."
Meredith is silent - she doesn't want to worry her friend - but she thinks a lot.
About the killing. About Leriel scowling the team, but not getting crazy... on the contrary, deciding to hire an apothecary!
Someone of clan Moulder... the masters of warpstone... by the Horned Rat, how can he be an apothecary?
Meredith is thinking whether to speak with someone - her friend Urd, or someone of DV... but she's interrupted by Rudy, getting out of the rehearsal room, half-dressed, with a hand on his chest and a painful expression on his face.
"Annie! Meredith! What the hell is happening here?"
The two skaven girls look at themselves, then Meredith raises.
"We need some help. I don't want to struggle with mysteries anymore, and I know the right one... CROW!"
TO BE CONTINUED...
Sweet feet are made of cheese,
who am I to dis a brie,
I cheddar the world for feta cheese,
everybody’s looking for stilton...
"Nice, Annie! You're great!"
Who's that? It's "Bluebeater" Rudy, former member of Beyond Entropy and free agent of Sweet Feet, just entered in the rehearsal room, where a strange skaven pair is singing and playing: an orange-haired androgynous female one, and a three-armed male wrapped in bandages, like a mummy.
You guessed right: they're Annie Rattox and the Mysterious Skaven (A.K.A. MS), official singer and (un)official drummer of Leriel's new team.
"OK, MS, let's have a break. Thanks, Rudy... Already finished the training?"
"Today we're free. That's strange, but the Floating Head gave us some spare time!"
"Lucky you! I and MS are preparing the official song... You should not have hear it..."
Rudy laughs. "Come on... I'm a musician, too, you know..."
Annie smiles at him. "Your career will be longer than mine if I cannot sing it properly at the beginning of first match. I and MS need to improve some parts..."
MS nods. "Don't worry. You weren't fired even after mistaking the team name..."
Annie gasps: "Don't mention it! Leriel was thinking at something like "Swift Feet" but I wrongly understood "Sweet Feet"... Nevertheless, he was fine with the new name..."
Rudy get serious. "According to Meredith, this was really strange. Leriel is known as a dastardly, crazy, angry boss…"
Rudy is interrupted by MS: "Stop it. You're right, I heard about it. Leriel went crazy on Season III, trying to sacrifice the cheerleaders of Die Valkyrie... but did someone think about his reasons?"
The wrapped drummer stops a second. Everyone is silent.
"He can be a bone-head and a mad one, but he cares for his teams. He wants them to win. Stinky Feet reached the final and so Die Valkyrie... F.A.S.T. Gonzalo was the first star in the tournament, Stinger and Kowen are a fearsome duo and Göndul is ready to take her place in the Hall of Fame. Did you understand why he was so angry last season? He was unable to train Beyond Entropy! Even Crow... he tried to steal his head in order to benefit from the knowledge of a Mimir!"
Again, Annie and Rudy look at themselves. How can MS know all these details?
"Don't forget Die Valkjrie. Everyone has seen their calendar - Skögul was hired by BBC, while a couple of them had a liason with Fredo. FREDO! The blond bullet!"
MS crosses two of his arms. "I can understand him. The end justifies the means and requires determination... This is why Krusty and you, Rudy, decided to follow him and not be members of LDR..."
Rudy speaks slowly. "The end justifies the means and requires determination... You are speaking like Leriel, MS. And you have three arms... why are you just a drummer? Who are you?"
MS laughs - an high pitched laugh that scares Annie.
"You'll discover it soon, little ones... but know, forget everything..."
Rudy and Annie drop on the ground, unconscious.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Leriel
2014-07-18, 03:00 AM
Reserved for my crazy writing (probably I'll need more than one post!) :smalltongue:
Well, actually this is the best place for...
Sweet Feet: A Midsummer Season Report
Place: an almost empty room - an old round table in the center. A skaven is sitting seiza-style. He wears a white kimono and he's cleaning his glasses with a white handkerchief.
Hello, this is Mister Tea, in charge for this mid-season report.
Mister Tea wears the glasses and puts away the handkerchief. Then he pours some hot water in a cup, add some herbs (and some warpstone powder) and smiles.
As you probably know, I'm one of the "Reapers" playing for Sweet Feet. Let me clarify this: a lot of Reapers, like me, were hired... At college, we played in the "Grim Reapers" - so the secret is unveiled. Are you disappointed? Nevermind...
Mister Tea uncover a chessboard, hidden by a white cloth. The pieces' position shows that a game is in progress. The skaven picks a white knight and moves it; the chessman leaves a blue stain on the chessboard.
Offense: 7/10
Gutter runners are making their job properly: the "Alpha Gamma Kappa" brotherhood is really fast. Leriel has great expectations for Velydra Sr. also: the stormvermin scored a TD and who knows - maybe he could follow Kowen's footprints.
Mister Tea picks a black pawn and looks at it.
Defense: 3/10
Finally we can use some support from a Rat-Ogre! Hopefully he will be able to face the orcs of next match. Blitzers are playing well, but they lack strength. Dr. Badger is confident in his creation - and we trust him!
Mister Tea picks the white rook at the left of the chessboard and moves it. Again, a stain - a red one.
Passing game: 1/10
Leriel surely has little luck for throwers. Only Göndul was a good choice. "Blindfold" Wayne was killed at the beginning of the season and McHermano is worried: if he does not complete any passes in the next matches, Leriel will fire him! Nevertheless score is one, thanks to efforts from Kinked Kalos.
Mister Tea turns the chessboard and makes a short castling with the black king.
Coaching: 3/10
Blitzers on the scrimmage line? Come on... Leriel told us that he wanted to prevent Örvar-Oddr from hurting linerats (and he was right!), but with this move we lost the match.
Mister Tea turns again the chessboard and picks the White Queen. Check!
Musical Support: 10/10
Annie, Mysterious Skaven and "Bluebeater" Rudy, AKA the Best Rock Trio ever! Their fan club is awesome: even undeads want to join! And don't forget that their music helped Dr. Badger for Experiment IV!!!
Sweet Feet: maybe they will not win the cup, but they already won the Skaven Music Award!
Mister Tea raises and fixes up his glasses, pushing them near his face with a finger.
Background Story: Creepy!
This season we even have a proofreader. What else?
Delia2531
2014-07-18, 04:17 AM
Gutter Press Previous Editions
GUTTER PRESS - EDITION 8
WE'RE ON A ROLL!
Beanz shows he's truly dangerous!
This week
Fresh from a victory against the stout and stumpy curmudgeons of Crooked Peak the Rats saw some new signings courtesy of Tanya, who had taken here role of managing team morale to new heights. Not only did she bring our old friend Beanz back to the training pitch, and the team, and bring her new twin/clone/doppelgänger to the cheer-squad, but she also convinced DarkTail to let me, Gammon, take the reigns here at Gutter Press!
The bolstered squad took the field against the fearsome Bloodknights who have snacked their way through a number of defences this year already. What we witnessed was a spectacle of a rushing game with two touchdowns coming with comparative ease, and a fine demonstration of how to take players apart in the line of scrimmage, with Dangerous Beanz cutting a swathe through the opposition sending no fewer than 3 to the sidelines.
DarkTail had this to say: As our second victory, now one against a team in each division, we are showing that we are not the runts of the league any more; some coaches had been implying that Low-down referred to our league position, we'll show them!
Next week
Week 8 sees us facing the even more diminiutive ranks of the Sneak Kings; these guys have been making their mark on the league and punching above their scrawny weight but now it is time to show them how to run the ball, and more importantly how to pass it!
Roster changes
No changes since last week, but to bring you up to date on those signings. Thanks to the help of Badger over at Sweet Feet, and his own burning desire to return to the team, Beanz has rejoined the squad with his new, well-earned, nickname of Dangerous Beanz. We caught up with him before the last match;
I happy to be on team; two Tanyas want me to hurt people, I is good at hurting people, make the girls happy, make me happy!
Also joining the squad is Tanya Too, a perfect copy of out Cheer-squad captain; apparently a happy bi-product of the assistance Badger gave Beanz, we now boast the only pair of matching cheerleaders in the league. As she arrived at short notice no new uniform was available and so the girls had to make do with what they already had between them, making them the centre of attention in the stadium on match day and earning them plenty of new fans. Tanya Too, or was it Tanya, had this to say;
Well, we managed to get enough from the kit bag to keep it vaguely decent and I think the crowd liked it. W e asked DarkTail about getting some funds for new kit but he has said that times are tight so we'll have to stick with what little we have. I thought I heard him mention something about coming to an arrangement, but I'm not certain.
PLAYER SPOTLIGHT
Each week we will bring you a little more detail on one of our players; this week it's our cheer squad!
http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk99/mlongcake/06CA045B-6333-4896-98E6-D99176D96C15.jpg
Name:
Tanya / Tanya Too
Position:
Reverse Cowgirl
Cheer Captain / Deputy
Vital Statistics:
36D-24-34
Catchphrase:
“Go out there and make me proud boys!”
Background
Tanya was picked from a normal, everyday life by DarkTail and 'The Rain' whilst trawling for talent. She approached them whilst they were grabbing a bite to eat at the tavern she served in, asking for a chance to help the team. Following a brief interview process from both men, she was approved as the third member of the organisation. Tanya Too on the other hand is the product of an experiment by Badger of Sweet Feet, but has the same memories as her twin!
Reason for joining LDR
I just needed to get out of my hum-drum life, see the world and experience new things; working in a tavern is fine if all you want is the occasional gold piece for getting on your back or all fours and as much inuendo as you can handle, but I want more. Travelling with the team gets me to new places; the fans are nice to us and the players are all very sweet. Sure, we still end up on our backs most days but it's through choice now rhq her than necessity; and we've got the pick of more than just the rats here at LDR, and to just rats at that!
Most anticipated Game
“I want to see our boys run rings round the Dark Elves; Too wants to see us embarrass those brutish orcs. ”
Most Dreaded Game
“Im not looking forward to the match against the Elves of RP, but I'm quite looking forward to meeting some of them in the bar afterwards!"
GUTTER PRESS - EDITION 6
VICTORY AT LAST!
The Rats done good"!
This week
This week our plucky rats lined up against the stumpiest team in the league, the Crooked Peak. Things looked dire as the teams formed up for the first drive, with the pigmies fielding some sort of seige weapon. As the game commenced though, it soon became obvious that this was a ploy formed out of desparation as our rats nimbly moved around the behemoth leaving the midgets frustrated.
Nimbleness and speed, watchwords of the Skaven community, roved to be our greatest allies in this match as we flitted and danced like bees around the, albeit it miniature, elephants from the Peak.
Flash lived up to his name and lit up the pitch with some scroching runs, but the glory was spread around the team with a solid performance on the line of scrimmage, lead by Scrote and the final score going to Slinky, not content to let Flash take all the credit - rumour has it that a fierce, but friendly rivalry is developing between the two of them.
Next week
A week of rest for most of the squad, but with everyone on tenderhooks waiting for DarkTails nominations for the All-Division game. It is expected that the other coaches in the Division will want two of our Gutter Runners to provide some serious pace at the Bad Bad Wreck, but with LDR fielding the only dedicated Thrower in the Division, Lobbitt may also be in with a shout!
MID SEASON REPORT
DarkTail has set the coaching staff the task of assessing their own areas so far this season
Running Game - Speedy
6/10 - Fast, reliable, determined. GRs who get the ball rarely fail to score, we just haven't had the ball enough to make real progress!
Passing Game
4/10 - A couple of good passes, but nothing spectacular yet from Lobbitt; but good handling in the wide zones.
Defence - BBR
5/10 - some big losses, but a lot of grit and determination (and casualties)!
Special Teams - Mousetrap
7/10 - Tactical kicking has been hugely significant in our games where Little Boris was available; we may not have won them but it definitely contributed to the reduced scores. Returning kick-offs became a local speciality and lead to three huge plays, and two touchdowns, in week 5. Expect to see more of the same!
Coaching - DarkTail
4/10 - 'The Rain' played one match too many, I see that now. He should have joined the coaching team after that first knock, but he struggled on; I should have made him sit out.
Cheer Squad - DarkTail
10/10 - Whilst lacking in numbers the squad has the best (vital) statistics. Tanya has worked endlessly to encourage the guys when they were on their lowest ebb, visited them in the wards to keep them focussed on getting back to the pitch; and I don't know what she did with Flash, but the results were plain to see - the boy hasn't stopped smiling all week.
Research and Development - Sorexa and Tanya
??/10 - We've been working in the wings on a secret project that might just come to fruition after the All Division match next week.
Overall
We've worked hard and it is finally starting to pay off, as a team we are starting to gel and if we can keep up a turn of speed (not to mention a supply of the good stuff we fed Flash on this week) then we might stand a chance of not finishing bottom!
To our fans - We lost a few of you after week 1, but it seems you have come back. To the rest, I'd like to thank our fans for sticking with us through the difficult times.
GUTTER PRESS - EDITION 5
Cheesey Feet not so Sweet
Are we really cursed?
This week
This week saw our worst result of the season and against our brethren of the Sweet Feet no less. Things went wrong from the outset when the Feet's visiting star player lay waste to our line and Lobbitt was sacked leading to a quick touchdown. This sack shook Lobbitt quite badly, but he struggled on. Unfortunately, that blow would be telling as he later fumbled an easy pass leading to another turnover and score by the Feet.
After a well-worked offensive touchdown by the Feet, our rats set themselves to receive once more with the intention of at least getting on the scoreboard. Unfortunately Lobbitt had still not recovered and spilled the ball once more allowing the Feet to run in an easy touchdown. Riled by the ease at which the Feetwere scoring the entire team set about trying to hurt as many of their opponents as possible, resulting in a number of casualties before the whistle finally blew.
If I'm honest, this week was a disaster; letting them in the end-zone four times was just embarrassing. At least we didn't suffer too many casualties! It was good to have Glart with us, I think he inspired the team towards the end when we started to make ourselves noticed physically.
Roster Changes
We are sorry to announce that despite being carried off the pitch, Weasel died of his injuries in the treatment room; this came as a shock to us all as he had just been regaling everyone with the story of the two casualties he himself caused when he suddenly lay still. His funeral was held yesterday with the entire team present to pay their respects, and then get horrifically drunk!
Also missing the coming match is Sneaker who is out with a gouged eye; but we are happy to announce that Biter is back in the squad having made a full recovery.
The loss of every Rat is a tragedy in its own right, especially this week as Weasel had just started to show some promise.
Looking ahead
This coming match sees us face the Dwarves of Crooked Peak! These guys are hard as nails, possibly the biggest tacklers in the league (if you'll pardon the pun?). We have it on good authority from DarkTail that we'll see Glart taking the field again this week; and word for the training ground is that Flash is showing some real promise.
After the way he inspired the team to get physical last week I've asked Glart back again to help out. We've also been working with Flash a lot this week, getting him really focussed on evading tackles and catching whilst doing it!
PLAYER SPOTLIGHT
Each week we will bring you a little more detail on one of our players; this week it's our, currently broken, running star!
http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk99/mlongcake/428705FD-C572-40DC-B1B1-BD55B94CC611.gif
Name:
Sneaker
Position:
Gutter Runner
Shirt Number:
23
Catchphrase:
“Over there!”
Background
Just a normal rat from a normal gutter!
Reason for joining LDR
I just wanted to hear the roar of the crowd calling my name when I scored a winning touchdown! Maybe one day soon!
Most anticipated Game
“I'm looking forward to running rings round the MODM!”
Most Dreaded Game
“Does ay Rat truly want to face the Dwarves?”
This image is a modified (lighter) version of one which comes from the Art Today commercial clipart website, and is © 2000-present www.arttoday.com.
Art Today lists the source as Clipto2-01 Animwild2 (presumably a directory on a clipart CD), published by Clipto. The artist is not given.
Previous editions of Gutter Press are available here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17788649&postcount=15).
GUTTER PRESS - EDITION 4
Nuffle fails to smile on Rats again
But perhaps a glimmer of a smirk?
This week
Last week saw the hardest working, and unluckiest, rats in the league face the mixed daemons of Murder, Arson, Jaywalking with DarkTail hoping before the match that they didn't live up to their name.
I know these guys haven't won this season yet either, but if we could just get through a week without any injuries we might stand a chance after the all-star break
What transpired was a spectacle of high-scoring, thrilling bloodbowl rarely seen in this, or any other, league.
Little Boris demonstrated his mastery with the boot, putting the ball in the best position possible each time and the team worked hard around him to slow the opposition and narrow their options. It is always hard for our rats to bring down any bigger, stronger players they line up against but harassing them in numbers often pays off. Whilst MAJ got on the board first, it was not easy for them!
Sneaker showed off some moves he had worked on on the training pitch with the Linerats doing their job and clearing him a path; finding Scutter in the open he launched the ball to his gutter-brother who was just not able to keep hold of it and it went to ground. Demonstrating that they are not favoured by Nuffle, the rats couldn't gather the ball before the whistle sent them back to the locker-room.
After the break Sneaker took the kick cleanly and made his way through the line of scrimmage to find Scutter waiting to receive; a clean hand-off later and Scutter was dancing across the end zone for his first touchdown!
A passage of hard play, with rat throwing themselves into the fray from all angles trying to knock the ball loose saw some of our fabled bad luck as the biggest player on the pitch neatly pocketed the ball and clumsily dragged himself and several rats over the goal line to take the lead once more.
Behind in the second half, not for the first time this season, but sensing that there was still time to come back, but everything needed to work perfectly; so we weren't expecting much.
Imagine then our amazement when, not only did Scutter gather the ball cleanly, but in a beautiful mirror of their earlier play, he dodged past two deadly tackles before he handed the ball off the open-field team-mate Sneaker whom raced for the end-zone as the buzzer sounded.
That's right folks, our rats levelled the scores at the end and left with a draw!
I think we've definitely turned that corner. W didn't lose and we had no-one hurt. A few of the guys learned some valuable lessons today and hopefully they can put them in to practice again this coming week!
Roster Changes
There are no changes to the regular roster this week, for a refreshing change; however as part of the Star Players Affirmative Action Programme we are happy to announce that a number of star players approached the team to join them on the pitch next week. DarkTail ultimately picked Glart Smashrip Jr to join Scragger and Biter in the back line.
We had plenty of offers in, and I'm truly grateful to all those who stepped forward with their offers to help out next week. I went with Glart for a number of reasons, 1 - we're a team of rats so I didn't feel we could integrate those players of other races, and it wouldn't give the fans what they want; 2 - we've got strength and depth in the front field, with 4 fast, reliable rats and I wanted to make sure we can close down the Feet this week; 3 - I saw this guy's sire play back in the day, so when he said he wanted to run out with us I was over the moon. I just hope he can teach our guys a few tricks too.
Looking ahead
This week we face our fellow rats of the Sweet Feet; of all the teams in the league these guys are the most like us, and therefore the most difficult to read. We here at Gutter Press predict a high scoring game on both sides, and with Nuffle's blessing perhaps we might even get our whiskers in front and stay there!
The Feet are another 'pure' Skaven team so we look forward to welcoming them to the match and to the bar afterwards; I just hope we don't do each other too much damage!
PLAYER SPOTLIGHT
Each week we will bring you a little more detail on one of our players; this week it's one of our stars of the most recent game!.
http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk99/mlongcake/imagejpg1.jpg
Name:
Scutter
Position:
Gutter Runner
Shirt Number:
21
Catchphrase:
“Ciao!”
Background
Scutter comes from a remote part of his clan and started playing on the rough surfaces of local dumps.
Reason for joining LDR
Scutter had never played Blood Bowl for a proper team, merely playing on the streets and dumps of his local area against other hopefuls. He was spotted by DarkTail on a tour of the area whilst travelling between scouting visits. The next day he had been shipped to the
Most anticipated Game
“The Eagles, our long game will be where it's at!”
Most Dreaded Game
“Any team with a big dude in the line-up!”
This week's image taken from www.zazzle.co.uk (http://www.zazzle.co.uk) - no rights proclaimed by me of course!
GUTTER PRESS - EDITION 3
A sad day for all rodentkind
Nuffle takes his own!
It is with great regret that we here at Gutter Press must report that team captain, and founding member of the Low-down Dirty Rats, 'The Rain' was killed in action against the Talbheim Eagles this week. Suffering from the lasting effects of a broken collar bone from the game against the Strut in week 1, 'The Rain' continued to make his presence felt on the pitch. It was this effort to lead his rats by example, putting his body in the way to protect the ball, that resulted in the hit from Lukas von Amersvoort. The crowd's reaction to the hit was palpable, everyone likes to see a good hit, but when the cheers died down it was apparent to everyone that this was one rat who wasn't going to bounce back this time.
'The Rain' had been with the LDR since before the team even really formed; and always a strong presence in the locker-room as well as on the pitch, 'The Rain' will long be remembered by the team and fans alike.
In recognition of his efforts, acheivements and dedication the team have announced that the 01 jersey will be permanently retired in his honor.
This week
The match itself was an improvement on previous weeks with our defence closing down the Eagles' passing options quickly and efficiently stripping them of the ball. However, the humans were soon rallied by their new Offensive Coach, Fredo D. Stefani, and hammered our line of scrimmage when 'The Rain' threw his body in to a gap in the line to protect Lobbitt who was carryng the ball at the time. It was this action that lead to his demise, hit a staggering blow by Von Amersvoort, but securing the line to prevent any exploitation and potential scoring opportunity.
The second half start promisingly with our Gutter Runners swarming the opposition territory, presenting a number of opportunities for Lobbitt who made maximum use of the defence's confusion to initially run the ball before handing off to one of our new Runners, Sneaker, who then showed no little skill before streaking to the endzone to take the lead. Unfortunately our fans got a little carried away at this point and the match referee reset the clock, and act which was to prove fateful for our rats.
The next passge of play saw an almost idenitcal start with our runners neutralising most of the Eagles' offensive options, but this time Armbuster found a way to get the ball through to van der Veen who pranced free of the defence's efforts to run in the score.
After the reset, a solid drive by Lobbitt carrying the ball himself through lack of initial options until he was flattened by the massed blitzers and blockers of the human defence. The ball spilled loose, and was scooped up by Zilberschlag who launched a hail-mary pass upfield that fell perfectly in to the waiting hands of van der Veen who waltzed clear to the end zone once again to seal the match.
Commenting after the match, DarkTail said Ultimately, we played well but for some reason Nuffle was not with us today. We were dealt two blows today; not only a last minute touchdown from a lucky pass, but to lose our Captain too.
Roster Changes
DarkTail has brough Scrote in to the team to shore up the line following the retirement of Beanz. Whilst Lobbitt has been designated interim Captain whilst DarkTail considers his options.
Beanz had been struggling to hold the line with his accumulated injuries and has stepped down from the team under mutual agreement; we wish him well for the future and hope to see him again soon around the runs. Lobbitt has grudgingly agreed to lead the team until we can have a thorough selection for a replacement Captain.
Looking ahead
This week we face the daemons of Murder, Arson, Jaywalking, one of the few other as-yet-unsuccessful teams in the league. Only one team can remain without a win and we are determined that it won't be us.
We're burning the incense (at least I think it's incense, it certainly stinks) and making the sacrifices to try to bring Nuffle back to our side; I think we've turned a corner and it'd be great to win one for the Gipper (I mean 'The Rain')!
PLAYER SPOTLIGHT
No player spotlight this week whilst the team mourn the loss of their Captain.
Previous editions of Gutter Press are available here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17788649&postcount=15).
GUTTER PRESS - EDITION 2
Rats come close but take a second beating.
Down, but not out!
Another tough match this week for the LDR, the closeness of the final score reflecting the hard slog faced in the entire match. Having allowed an early touchdown the rats fought hard all over the pitch, but just weren’t able to hold on to the ball long enough to get a point on the board, but those same efforts held their disgusting opponents to a single point. I caught up with Biter, our MVP, after the match who had this to say:
Our passing game didn’t work, our running game didn’t work and only the fact that we put our bodies on the line time and time again kept the game as close as it was. We’ve lost a good rat for this coming match, I’m going to be working hard to keep the backfield covered; at least the Eagles have only got one catcher for me to worry about! Take it easy Scragger buddy!
Roster Changes
As part of the continuing development of our offensive capability we have signed Flash, the fourth Gutter Runner on the Squad. Hopefully this will give ‘The Rain’ and Lobbitt even more options for those passing and running plays and more speed on the pitch should help to contain some of our opponents a bit more.
Looking ahead
This week we face the Talaheim Eagles, a human team that rely on driving the ball up field the hard way. We are hoping that speed, agility and the pinpoint accuracy of our throwers will get us past them and in to the endzone a couple of times. We hope, at least, that we can avoid any further major injuries as these guys are a little smaller than our last two opponents.
PLAYER SPOTLIGHT
Each week we will bring you a little more detail on one of our players; this week it's our diminutive kicker.
http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk99/mlongcake/B2EE0C37-3CA6-4739-BD2E-A9F4FE06C85A.jpg
Name:
Little Boris
Position:
Lineman (Kicker)
Shirt Number:
46
Catchphrase:
“Fetch that!”
Background
The elder, but smaller, of two brothers on the team Little Boris comes from an unimaginiative family from the remote wastelands.[td]
Reason for joining LDR
[td]When Boris was trying out for the team his little brother tagged along to watch, always dreaming of being a Blood Bowl star. It was only when a wayward ball came near him and he booted it back, almost in to 'The Rain''s waiting hands, that anyone realised what this little rat could do. It took some time to find him kit that fitted, rumour has it that his gear has been converted from halfling pads, but he soon tool his place in training and demonstrated that the faith put in him by DarkTail was well founded by becoming our MVP in the game against the filth of SSS. Now he's back from injury and ready to put his body on the line once more
Most anticipated Game
“The Eagles, our long game will be where it's at!”
Most Dreaded Game
“Any team with a big dude in the line-up!”
Previous editions of Gutter Press are available here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17788649&postcount=15).
image taken from colourbox.com via a google search, no assertions of ownership.
GUTTER PRESS - EDITION 1
Battered, bruised, broken!
This may be true of our bodies, but not of our dreams!
This week we saw our proud rats grace the field to face the race-traitors of the Triple-S and their associated scum. Whilst we always knew life for a new team in this leage would be hard, little did we suspect what lay in store.
Our rats fought well throughout the match but we took some big knocks from the brute of an Ogre they call the Doc, 'The Rain' in particular was lucky to escape with his life! We ran fast, we ran hard we just couldn't keep out of their reach; but at least we showed the world that we are a serious team capable of scoring points.
Little Boris had an awesome match, named MVP and kicking with confidence; it's just a shame that he'll miss the upcoming match, but then the poor little guy can't see straight with one eye swollen shut.
Roster Changes
Following the mawling by Triple-S this week we are sorry to announce that Gammon, one of our best prospective Linerats, has decided to retire from the active game. His broken collar-bone has left him weakened and unable to truly challenge opposition players at the scrimmage. To bolster the team, and the deliver even more speed and ball-carrying options we have signed Sneaker to join Scutter and Slinky in the ranks of our Gutter Runners.
Looking ahead
Having spent time with Sorexa to mend their ailments, and a little moral-boosting visit to training by Anya, the team have been working hard in training and are already showing signs of development with Slinky starting to show real aptitude for getting his hands on his opponents.
Whilst there aren't any easy matches in the shedule, we face Twisted next week and we believe that our speed and agility will work to our definite advantage this time.
PLAYER SPOTLIGHT
Each week we will bring you a little more detail on one of our players; this week it is the leader of the team and the first rat to join the cause!
http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk99/mlongcake/FA4EF39A-055B-4862-93E0-B39A3D9DF999.jpg
Name:
'The Rain’
Position:
Offensive Thrower (Captain)
Shirt Number:
01
Catchphrase:
“Go long!”
Background
The true name of ‘The Rain’ has been lost to the dim and distant past of his non-league playing days; so called due to his ability to bring the ball down anywhere on the pitch in to his Runner’s waiting hands. Not one given to long speeches he leads by example but once he is on the pitch his communication skills are excellent.
Reason for joining LDR
Dampy, as he is affectionately known in the locker room, was a hot name in the recent draft but was approached by Dark Tail to be the cornerstone of his new team. Speculation is rife as to the package that he has been offered, but he is keeping typically tight-lipped.
Most anticipated Game
“I’m most looking forward to playing Crooked Peak, those stumpy bores won’t know what’s hit em!”
Most Dreaded Game
“Murder, Arson, Jaywalking; easily. Have you seen the size of some of their guys?”
Previous editions of Gutter Press are available here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17788649&postcount=15).
image taken from the cover of a book "Lab Rat" by B.A.Maddux (c) - I'm not claiming to own this image, I just like it!
GUTTER PRESS - SPECIAL EDITION
Great news sports fans, today sees the arrival in the league of a new team, fresh from the gutters, streaming on to a pitch near you soon. The Low-down Dirty Rats (LDR) are one of two new teams in Division B and four in the league as a whole.
http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk99/mlongcake/0BD7221B-7E14-49F8-B8CA-0309575A8E33.png
Delia2531, known to the team as 'Dark Tail' has scoured the depths, and darks, of the gutters and dens drawing to him members of the various clans in an effort to form a team to take the league by storm and win the coveted trophy for the glory of all Skaven-kind.
"We're a new team, sure, but don't mistake lack of longevity for lack of ambition or talent; we're here to run rings round the rest of the league, and where necessary tear holes in to work our wonders!"
Bringing the number of teams fielding Skaven players to three, there will be little love lost in the league.
"Whilst we have nothing in particular against Sweet Feet, obviously only one Team can be the best Skaven team in the league; I don't even want to talk about those filth playing for Selene, traitors to their clans the lot of them. I've got rats here ready to take those scum down!"
With no stadium to call their own, as befits these creatures of the gutter, the LDR can be seen playing their 'home' matches wherever they can find the space; but Dark Tail obviously has high aspirations and big plans.
"Sure, like all new teams we're starting out without a stadium; but one day we'll be playing host to the others teams in the league in our very own, underground, stadium as truly befits all right-thinking creatures!"
All of us here at Gutter Press wish the team every success in the coming season and we hope that you, their fans, will continue to look to us for your team news. Each week we will be publishing a profile on one of the players in the current rosta in a handy, bite-out and ferret-away format for all of you young scavengers out there. Keep your eyes open in week 7, when the league takes a break for the All-Star match we'll be issuing a binder to collect your player fact sheets in.
Of course no BBL team would be complete without its support staff so we will be sure to spend time interviewing the coaching staff and other individuals involved inthe successful running of your favourite team.
For now, we leave you with a picture of Tanya, the LDR's Cheer Captain.
http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk99/mlongcake/06CA045B-6333-4896-98E6-D99176D96C15.jpg
If you think you've got what it takes to pull on the brown and grey shirt of the LDR, you think youve got something you can add by way of supporta nd coaching or you're interested in being a part of the LDR Cheer Squad, The Mouseketeers, contact us here at GP and we'll pass your details along to Dark Tail at LDR (wherever they are at the time), perhaps next time the team pass through your region you'll be called forward for trial.
Aedilred
2014-07-23, 06:09 PM
League Leader Archive
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Waity Darkbeard
Crooked Peak6
=2Iago Tantarella
Anlec Razors5
=2Nikole Trush
Bloodknights5
=2Slammy CTCT
Crooked Peak5
=2Narthug
Da Monsters of da Midden5
=2Little Boris
Low-Down Dirty Rats5
=2Drox, Destroyer of All Dreams
Murder, Arson and Jaywalking5
=2Mancy
Rampant Professionalism5
=2Till Fjalls
Selene's Seductive Strut5
=2Grimjam McScrake
Sneak Kings5
=2Jeb
Sneak Kings5
=2“Bluebeater” Rudy
Sweet Feet5
=2Magnus van Tonder
Talabheim Eagles5
=2Dem Bones
Twisted Rotten5
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Waity Darkbeard
Crooked Peak2
=2Lord Lewis Lyme
Anlec Razors1
=2Tony Hesperaxian
Anlec Razors1
=2Derk von Duneheim
Bloodknights1
=2Vladimir Gorb
Bloodknights1
=2Snagwart
Da Monsters of da Midden1
=2Scutter
Low-Down Dirty Rats1
=2Kowen
Selene's Seductive Strut1
=2Winston the Debonair
Rampant Professionalism1
=2Princeton Foyer Richardson
Rampant Professionalism1
=2Diggles Bouldercot
Selene's Seductive Strut1
=2Jeb
Sneak Kings1
=2Horineh the Bloated
Twisted Rotten1
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Sloan “Sunglasses” Knight
Rampant Professionalism2
2Lobbitt
Low-Down Dirty Rats1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
=1Schmacky Alehammer
Crooked Peak2
=1Doc Nutsmasher
Selene's Seductive Strut2
=1One Eye
Selene's Seductive Strut2
=4Horkon Heartripper
Anlec Razors (Star Player)1
=4Fatty
Crooked Peak1
=4Krot
Da Monsters of da Midden1
=4Moonblood
Murder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=4Blake
Rampant Professionalism1
=4Stinger
Selene's Seductive Strut1
=4Jekyl
Sneak Kings1
=4Jeb
Sneak Kings1
=4Lassy
Twisted Rotten1
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1Fatty
Crooked Peak3
=2Lucius von Duneheim
Bloodknights2
=2Standy Alehammer
Crooked Peak2
=4Reuben Steel
Anlec Razors1
=4Hugh Darcy
Anlec Razors1
=4Shem St. John Smythe
Anlec Razors1
=4Castiel
Bloodknights1
=4Narthug
Da Monsters of da Midden1
=4Moonblood
Murder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=4Irie Maul
Murder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=4Chad
Rampant Professionalism1
=4One Eye
Selene's Seductive Strut1
=4Gurnisson
Sneak Kings1
=4Melon
Sneak Kings1
=4Vysaga Jr.
Sweet Feet1
=4Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster
Talabheim Eagles1
=4Lukas von Amersvoort
Talabheim Eagles1
=4Lassy
Twisted Rotten1
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
1Jeb
Sneak Kings1
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Waity Darkbeard
Crooked Peak64
2Diggles Bouldercot
Selene's Seductive Strut54
3Lord Lewis Lyme
Anlec Razors44
4Tony Hesperaxian
Anlec Razors40
5Lobbitt
Low-Down Dirty Rats36
6Drox, Destroyer of All Dreams
Murder, Arson and Jaywalking32
7Derk von Duneheim
Bloodknights30
=8Snagwart
Da Monsters of da Midden22
=8Kowen
Selene's Seductive Strut22
=8Princeton Foyer Richardson
Rampant Professionalism22
Week 2 League Leaders
Waity Darkbeard did his best to shrug off his injury this week, maintaining his joint lead in rushing yards, just ahead of Lord Lewis Lyme. That pair are also the leading scorers so far this season, together with Kajus Koinor, Konrad van der Veen and the ever-impressive Kowen. Grot holds the lead in SPPs, largely thanks to the rookie week bonus, closely pursued by Nikole Trush and Dem Bones.
None of the first week's casualty leaders added to their tally this time round, but Hemophala the Rotten and legend Morg 'n' Thorg, making his return to the league, inflicted two apiece to join them at the top of the leaderboard. It was much the same story in knockouts, as Moonblood, Chad and Lassy joined the top five, though Fatty retains an overall lead thanks to his three KOs from Week 1.
Edwin "the Ballista" Armbruster threw two completions to join Sloan "Sunglasses" Knight at the top of the passing charts, while this week also saw the first two interceptions of the season, from Shem St. John Smythe, and Horineh the Bloated.
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Grot
Da Monsters of da Midden11
=2Nikole Trush
Bloodknights10
=2Dem Bones
Twisted Rotten10
=4Tony Hesperaxian
Anlec Razors8
=4Kowen
Selene's Seductive Strut8
=4Diggles Bouldercot
Selene's Seductive Strut8
=4Kajus Koinor
Sweet Feet8
=7Narthug
Da Monsters of da Midden7
=7Sloan “Sunglasses” Knight
Rampant Professionalism7
=7Blake
Rampant Professionalism7
=7Jekyl
Sneak Kings7
=7Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster
Talabheim Eagles7
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
=1Waity Darkbeard
Crooked Peak2
=1Lord Lewis Lyme
Anlec Razors2
=1Kowen
Selene's Seductive Strut2
=1Kajus Koinor
Sweet Feet2
=1Konrad van der Veen
Talabheim Eagles2
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
=1Sloan “Sunglasses” Knight
Rampant Professionalism2
=1Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster
Talabheim Eagles2
3Lobbitt
Low-Down Dirty Rats1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
=1Schmacky Alehammer
Crooked Peak2
=1Doc Nutsmasher
Selene's Seductive Strut2
=1One Eye
Selene's Seductive Strut2
=1Morg 'n' Thorg
Sneak Kings (Star Player)2
=1Hemophala the Rotten
Twisted Rotten2
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1Fatty
Crooked Peak3
=2Lucius von Duneheim
Bloodknights2
=2Standy Alehammer
Crooked Peak2
=2Moonblood
Murder, Arson and Jaywalking2
=2Chad
Rampant Professionalism2
=2Lassy
Twisted Rotten2
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1Jeb
Sneak Kings1
=1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Anlec Razors
11
=1Twisted Rotten
11
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Waity Darkbeard
Crooked Peak84
2Lord Lewis Lyme
Anlec Razors80
3Diggles Bouldercot
Selene's Seductive Strut70
4Kowen
Selene's Seductive Strut64
5Tony Hesperaxian
Anlec Razors62
6Derk von Duneheim
Bloodknights56
7Sloan “Sunglasses” Knight
Rampant Professionalism54
8Kajus Koinor
Sweet Feet48
9Lobbitt
Low-Down Dirty Rats46
10Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster
Talabheim Eagles46
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Grot
Da Monsters of da Midden15
=2Nikole Trush
Bloodknights13
=2Kowen
Selene's Seductive Strut13
=2Kajus Koinor
Sweet Feet13
=5Mancy
Rampant Professionalism12
=5Jekyl
Sneak Kings12
=5Konrad van der Veen
Talabheim Eagles12
=8Tony Hesperaxian
Anlec Razors11
=8Lord Lewis Lyme
Anlec Razors11
=8Hemophala the Rotten
Twisted Rotten11
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der Veen
Talabheim Eagles4
2Kowen
Selene's Seductive Strut3
=3Tony Hesperaxian
Anlec Razors2
=3Lord Lewis Lyme
Anlec Razors2
=3Waity Darkbeard
Crooked Peak2
=3Princeton Foyer Richardson
Rampant Professionalism2
=3The King
Sneak Kings2
=3Kajus Koinor
Sweet Feet2
=3Kinked Kalos
Sweet Feet2
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
=1Sloan “Sunglasses” Knight
Rampant Professionalism3
=1Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster
Talabheim Eagles3
3Lobbitt
Low-Down Dirty Rats2
=4The King
Sneak Kings1
=4Erik Zilberschlag
Talabheim Eagles1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
=1Stinger
Selene's Seductive Strut3
=1Lukas von Amersvoort
Talabheim Eagles3
=3Schmacky Alehammer
Crooked Peak2
=3Grot
Da Monsters of da Midden2
=3Doc Nutsmasher
Selene's Seductive Strut2
=3One Eye
Selene's Seductive Strut2
=3Tyraxor
Sneak Kings2
=3Morg 'n' Thorg
Sneak Kings (Star Player)2
=3Örvar-Oddr
Talabheim Eagles2
=3Hemophala the Rotten
Twisted Rotten2
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
=1Fatty
Crooked Peak3
=1Kowen
Selene's Seductive Strut3
=3Hugh Darcy
Anlec Razors2
=3Shem St. John Smythe
Anlec Razors2
=3Lucius von Duneheim
Bloodknights2
=3Nikole Trush
Bloodknights2
=3Standy Alehammer
Crooked Peak2
=3Grabby CTCT
Crooked Peak2
=3Boomy Darkbeard
Crooked Peak2
=3Drox, Destroyer of All Dreams
Murder, Arson and Jaywalking2
=3Moonblood
Murder, Arson and Jaywalking2
=3Chad
Rampant Professionalism2
=3Tyraxor
Sneak Kings2
=3Lassy
Twisted Rotten2
=3Phil
Twisted Rotten2
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1Jeb
Sneak Kings1
=1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut1
=1Slammy CTCT
Crooked Peak1
=1Lukas von Amersvoort
Talabheim Eagles1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Anlec Razors
11
=1Twisted Rotten
11
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
=1Lord Lewis Lyme
Anlec Razors100
=1Sloan “Sunglasses” Knight
Rampant Professionalism100
=1The King
Sneak Kings100
=4Tony Hesperaxian
Anlec Razors90
=4Diggles Bouldercot
Selene's Seductive Strut90
6Waity Darkbeard
Crooked Peak84
7Boomy Darkbeard
Crooked Peak78
8Kowen
Selene's Seductive Strut78
=9Derk von Duneheim
Bloodknights68
=9Lobbitt
Low-Down Dirty Rats68
=9Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster
Talabheim Eagles68
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles18
=2KowenSelene's Seductive Strut17
=2JekylSneak Kings17
4Kajus KoinorSweet Feet16
=5GrotDa Monsters of da Midden15
=5Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism15
7Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors14
=8Nikole TrushBloodknights13
=8Lurig ChurshMurder, Arson and Jaywalking13
=10NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden12
=10MancyRampant Professionalism12
=10Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut12
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles6
=2Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors3
=2KowenSelene's Seductive Strut3
=2Kajus KoinorSweet Feet3
=5Lord Lewis LymeAnlec Razors2
=5Derk von DuneheimBloodknights2
=5Konrad the KrazyBloodknights2
=5Waity DarkbeardCrooked Peak2
=5Smarty DarkbeardCrooked Peak2
=5ScutterLow-Down Dirty Rats2
=5SneakerLow-Down Dirty Rats2
=5Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism2
=5Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism2
=5Diggles BouldercotSelene's Seductive Strut2
=5The KingSneak Kings2
=5Kinked KalosSweet Feet2
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
=1Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism5
=1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles5
3LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats2
=4The KingSneak Kings1
=4Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles1
=4Diggles BouldercotSelene's Seductive Strut1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
1StingerSelene's Seductive Strut5
2Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut4
=3Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles3
=3KowenSelene's Seductive Strut3
=5Dean VinchesterBloodknights2
=5Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak2
=5GrotDa Monsters of da Midden2
=5One EyeSelene's Seductive Strut2
=5TyraxorSneak Kings2
=5Morg 'n' Thorg Sneak Kings (Star Player)2
=5Örvar-Oddr Talabheim Eagles2
=5Bastian von RompaeyTalabheim Eagles2
=5Hemophala the RottenTwisted Rotten2
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1FattyCrooked Peak5
=2Standy AlehammerCrooked Peak3
=2Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak3
=2NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden3
=2Drox, Destroyer of All DreamsMurder, Arson and Jaywalking3
=2MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking3
=2KowenSelene's Seductive Strut3
=2Dirk WestenbergTalabheim Eagles3
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1JebSneak Kings1
=1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut1
=1Slammy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
=1Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Anlec Razors11
=1Twisted Rotten11
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Derk von DuneheimBloodknights144
2Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism120
3The KingSneak Kings108
4Lord Lewis LymeAnlec Razors100
5WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden94
=6Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors90
=6SneakerLow-Down Dirty Rats90
8Diggles BouldercotSelene's Seductive Strut90
9Waity DarkbeardCrooked Peak84
=10Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak78
=10Kaldsorphan RibarMurder, Arson and Jaywalking78
=10KowenSelene's Seductive Strut78
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles24
2Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors20
3JekylSneak Kings19
4KowenSelene's Seductive Strut17
5Kajus KoinorSweet Feet16
=6GrotDa Monsters of da Midden15
=6Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism15
=6Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut15
=9NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden14
=9Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism14
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles8
2Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors5
3Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism4
=4Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism3
=4Diggles BouldercotSelene's Seductive Strut3
=4KowenSelene's Seductive Strut3
=4Kajus KoinorSweet Feet3
=4Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet3
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles7
2Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism5
=3LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats2
=3Kinked KalosSweet Feet2
=5Edwin OrilAnlec Razors1
=5Cole “Black” StacksRampant Professionalism1
=5Diggles BouldercotSelene's Seductive Strut1
=5The KingSneak Kings1
=5Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
=1StingerSelene's Seductive Strut5
=1Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut5
=1Morg 'n' Thorg Star Player5
4RipperStar Player4
=5KowenSelene's Seductive Strut3
=5TyraxorSneak Kings3
=5Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles3
=8Dean VinchesterBloodknights2
=8Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak2
=8Jokey CTCTCrooked Peak2
=8GrotDa Monsters of da Midden2
=8NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden2
=8WeaselLow-Down Dirty Rats2
=8One EyeSelene's Seductive Strut2
=8JekylSneak Kings2
=8Vysaga Jr.Sweet Feet2
=8Örvar-Oddr Talabheim Eagles2
=8Bastian von RompaeyTalabheim Eagles2
=8Hemophala the RottenTwisted Rotten2
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1FattyCrooked Peak5
=2Standy AlehammerCrooked Peak4
=2Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak4
=2NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden4
KowenSelene's Seductive Strut4
=2Dirk WestenbergTalabheim Eagles4
=7Drox, Destroyer of All DreamsMurder, Arson and Jaywalking3
=7MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking3
=7TyraxorSneak Kings3
=7Sly TailSweet Feet3
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut1
=1Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
=1JebSneak Kings1
=1Slammy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Grak'ng'Grak GothagSweet Feet (Star Player)1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Anlec Razors11
=1Twisted Rotten11
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors154
2Derk von DuneheimBloodknights144
3The KingSneak Kings142
4LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats136
5Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism120
6WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden112
7Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles104
=8Lord Lewis LymeAnlec Razors100
=8Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet100
10Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak98
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles30
2JekylSneak Kings25
3Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors24
4Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut18
=5GrotDa Monsters of da Midden17
=5Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism17
=5KowenSelene's Seductive Strut17
8Kajus KoinorSweet Feet16
=9Lurig ChurshMurder, Arson and Jaywalking15
=9Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism15
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles10
=2Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors5
=2Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism5
=2Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet5
=5Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism4
=5Diggles BouldercotSelene's Seductive Strut4
=7Derk von DuneheimBloodknights3
=7KowenSelene's Seductive Strut3
=7The KingSneak Kings3
=7Kajus KoinorSweet Feet3
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles7
2Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism5
=3LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats2
=3Kinked KalosSweet Feet2
=5Edwin OrilAnlec Razors1
=5Cole “Black” StacksRampant Professionalism1
=5Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut1
=5The KingSneak Kings1
=5Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles1
=5Reimund van HoutenTalabheim Eagles1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
1Morg 'n' Thorg Star Player6
=2RipperStar Player5
=2StingerSelene's Seductive Strut5
=2Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut5
=2JekylSneak Kings5
=6Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak3
=6Jokey CTCTCrooked Peak3
=6GrotDa Monsters of da Midden3
=6KowenSelene's Seductive Strut3
=6TyraxorSneak Kings3
=6Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles3
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
=1FattyCrooked Peak5
=1Standy AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=3Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak4
=3NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden4
=3RipperStar Player4
=3MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking4
=3KowenSelene's Seductive Strut4
=3TyraxorSneak Kings4
=3Dirk WestenbergTalabheim Eagles4
=10Nikole TrushBloodknights3
=10Drox FetlockMurder, Arson and Jaywalking3
=10Sly TailSweet Feet3
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1Slammy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Glart Smashrip, Jr.Low-Down Dirty Rats (Star)1
=1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut1
=1JebSneak Kings1
=1Grak'ng'Grak GothagSweet Feet (Star Player)1
=1Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
=1Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors1
=1Lurig ChrushMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors1
=1Derk von DuneheimBloodknights1
=1Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Grisel ShagburnMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=1Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten1
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1The KingSneak Kings204
2Derk von DuneheimBloodknights180
3Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors174
4Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak168
=5WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden164
=5Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet164
7Diggles BouldercotSelene's Seductive Strut148
8LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats146
9Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles134
10Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism126
Team Records
TeamSPPsTouchdownsPassesKillsCasualtiesKOYRIntsTDA TDD
Anlec Razors7510116933819+1
Bloodknights6480041339017+1
Crooked Peak7260182036817-1
Da Monsters of da Midden62400101427204+0
Low-Down Dirty Rats6062057370011-5
Murder, Arson and Jaywalking52401413296114-10
Rampant Professionalism9214607442005+9
Selene's Seductive Strut9491116928807+2
Sneak Kings87611191626609-3
Sweet Feet81132061047406+7
Talabheim Eagles951291111232606+6
Twisted Rotten582009816419-7
Effective Opponent Strength (EOS)
TeamEOS
Anlec Razors9.75
Bloodknights9.58
Crooked Peak8.67
Da Monsters of da Midden9
Low-Down Dirty Rats10
Murder, Arson and Jaywalking9.58
Rampant Professionalism10.08
Selene's Seductive Strut8.92
Sneak Kings8.08
Sweet Feet9.67
Talabheim Eagles9.08
Twisted Rotten9.58
Mordar
2014-07-25, 03:05 PM
For those that want to know...Monsters Minutely (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17751368&postcount=9) has been updated!
The Hellbug
2014-08-12, 10:19 PM
Quarterly Report--The Hellbug
Well, we've quite a few changes in the league this year, and I, now as owner of the newly founded Sneak Kings, haven't had a lot of time to talk to the press (already two players' funerals to attend, YIKES!). Anyway, I've decided to go ahead and answer a few questions y'all probably have about my choices for this season while reflecting on our progress so far.
1. Why drop the Heroes?
Short answer: the Heroes did what they joined this league to do.
Longer answer: there were quite a few circumstances leading to my team's retirement. First of all, due to injuries accrued over 3 seasons of Blood Bowl, we were looking at the retirement of Orgetorix and Trush, two players that I relied on heavily to make the plays that would open the floodgates, so to speak. While we were still going to have Ajax and Flush to lean on, losing 2 of our 3 top players was really going to hurt us, on and off the pitch. Secondly, seeing Leriel die, be banished to another dimension (I think), possess a minotaur, and be petrified and decapitated really shook something up in me. Sure, he was never the most stable of coaches in this league, but I watched him die (again, I think). If that's what this league does to people, I knew I had to get out while the getting was still good. Also, the profits from the Heroes were certainly not small.
2. Why back in the league then? And why with goblins?
Well, during the middle of my psychological counseling with our former apothecary Rivell Mastacasta (whom I do recommend by the way--he works wonders) I was approached by The King to coach his new start up team and give them the legitimacy that the Sneak Kings so desired. My initial inclination was to reject him and have him eviscerated for my own amusement (goblins are hilarious, by the way), but then an idea came to me. I could make untold profits by investing the Heroes earnings into a stadium that would revolutionize the sport of Blood Bowl. It wouldn't even stress me out either: how could I worry about winning when our whole plan would be based on a mixture of cheating, blowing things up, and over-the-top halftime performances?
3. Reflections on the season so far:
Wow, I've never actually had a season start this well. Tied for second place in the division looks pretty good to me, but the true struggle has only just begun. This week will be the second of three weeks in a row against in-division teams, and we need to do work here if we're going to make the playoffs. With the next two games in a row at home, though, things could only look better for the Kings if they weren't both elf teams. Basically the plan is to do what's been working, hire out mercenary stars and load up a line of scrimmage so balls-crushingly strong that we can pull out the win. On the other hand, we have no defense against their swarming upfield and thwoing the ball. Expect the next few weeks to be real important for the goblins.
--The Hellbug
Aedilred
2014-08-21, 04:16 PM
Mid-Season Report
At the halfway point of the season the Razors remain firmly in the bottom half of the table, albeit towards the top of that half, and as things stand, out of the playoffs. It seems that many of their opponents have actually been practising before the matches, which just goes to show the sort of chaps they are. Or rather, not chaps at all: they probably don't even know a Bordeaux from a claret.
Still, there is reason to have hope that the last five matches will go better than the first six. The Razors have now played almost all the top-placed teams, with only their arch-rivals Rampant Professionalism remaining, and that in the last game. Their other opponents include the orphaned Twisted Rotten, and the struggling Murder, Arson, Jaywalking, and the Low-Down Rats. The Razors will go into many of their remaining matches as favourites, and have plenty of opportunities to pick up the points to qualify.
Offence
The team has yet to fail to find the end zone, which is a testament either to the strength of their forward play or the lacklustre defences of the rest of the league. Possibly both. On the other hand, except against Crooked Peak, they've never been able to kick on from that and score repeatedly. While sportsmanlike, this has possibly cost them games on occasion and if they want to reach the playoffs they'll have to worry about winning first, and burnishing the opposition's egos second.
Rating: 4 monocles
Stadium
The Bad Wreck has proved a great home ground for the team, although their record there is patchy. Since the elves find it hard to inflict too many casualties on their opponents, moving the ball quickly to score touchdowns is important for team development. The team is looking to capitalise on this in their remaining games.
Rating: 8 top hats
Professionalism
We're pleased to report that the team remains almost entirely untainted by professionalism, with none of this nonsense like passing the ball, foul play or stalling for time. Unfortunately most other sides have not been so sporting, with only the Bloodknights really getting into the spirit of the game. It only goes to show that standards of behaviour in the league have dropped since the days of the Fancy Lads.
Rating: 1 pocket watch
Defence
Just as they've always scored, so the Razors have almost always allowed their opponents to get at least one in, with only Crooked Peak not taking advantage of this opportunity. Although the team owner approves, it's rumoured the coaching staff are trying to change this and introduce some proper defensive training. This will likely be controversial, since the fans turn up to see proper Blood Bowl skills and touchdowns being scored, not teams shoving each other around in an undignified fashion. We only have to hope the coaches see sense and reinstate the all-out offence that the team started the season with.
Rating: 1 bottle of brandy and admittance to the club
Finances
None of your business.
Rating: 2 brown envelopes
Overall rating: Fancy
Mordar
2014-08-21, 05:34 PM
Da Monsters of da Midden
http://i621.photobucket.com/albums/tt291/mordar_oots/MMLogo.gif
Midseason Report
The maiden (do orcs have any concept of maidens? Is that like a specific kind of fungus?) season for Da Monsters of Da Midden has been quite the mixed bag. Following a strong start, lodging the sole defeat on the human Eagles team, Da Monsters had a narrow loss to the high elves of Rampant Professionalism. A draw against their dark elf cousins and a relatively dominant win against a rudderless Nurgle team had Da Monsters in excellent shape at 2-1-1, but then the ball bounced poorly. Despite two strong defensive efforts, the boyz fell to a winless Khorne team and a star-stacked underworld roster, each by a score of 0-1. Sitting at 2-3-1, Da Monsters find themselves in fifth place in Division A.
A losing record isn’t entirely unexpected given the more experienced squads they have faced, but the lack of player development is a growing concern for Manager Kraktooth Hallaz. Narthug and Grot have been two of the exceptions, but even there early promise has yet to fully materialize. Skab, the sole goblin team member, has managed to acquit himself sufficiently well, but is yet to stretch the opposing defenses. As a result, Da Monsters find themselves over 200 ranking points behind the rest of the active teams in their division.
There is not, however, cause for alarm. Despite having faced the top two teams in Division A and the leader in Division B, Da Monsters have allowed the fewest touchdowns in the league (4), and that is with having faced the #1, 3, 4 and 5 scoring offenses in the league. This includes having held Rampant Professionalism (scoring average of 2.33) and the Talabheim Eagles (scoring average of 2) to a single touchdown each – though the boyz did benefit from catching the Eagles very early in the season.
With a number of players on the verge of improving their skills and an appreciable amount of money in the treasury to handle midseason replacements, Da Monsters look to the second half with optimism. Their defense will be challenged by a pair of Skaven squads and a Goblin team, and Da Monsters will also match up with the solid mass of a Dwarf crew and the balanced play of a Vampire coven. If the boyz can land some telling blows they may be able to grind out a winning season and save themselves from the stewpot. The average valuation of the opposing squads in the second half is slightly lower than Da Monsters’ first half opponents (1075 v. 1113), and the armor values are generally slightly less, so there is hope for some blood to be added to this bowl!
The Butkizz Award
While Coach Hallaz certainly considered the bruising Black Orc Grot and Da Monsters erstwhile designated ball handler Wazgor for this prestigious midseason award, Narthug was selected as the first Butkizz Award recipient. A vocal leader on and off the field, the young blitzer leads the team in knock-outs and is near the top in casualties inflicted. “It’s important to have a dedicated, intense, defensive-minded leader out there, and Narthug is that leader,” the Coach opined. “I look forward to coaching him for several seasons to come!”
houlio
2014-08-21, 09:00 PM
Mid Season Report
The central goal of Rampant Professionalism is to heighten league play to an entirely new arena, involving celebrity players, massive advertising campaigns, and Fredo D. Stefani commemorative "Blond Bullet" plushies. If you support the dream, please send your check, money order, cash, or credit card information to Professionalism, Inc. 123 Rampant Way. The following rubric grades measures breaks down our progress towards this achievement with the following metrics: Rampancy, Professionalism, and Merchandsing.
Rampancy:
You may be asking yourself right now, what exactly is Rampancy? Rampancy is a numerical measurement based not, as you might not expect, on a team's ability ability to add more blood in Blood Bowl (much to the dismay of the Bloodknights). Instead, Rampancy involves how effective a team's strategies are to the point where other team's in blood bowl begin to adopt and even openly admire them. The normal example of this is the role Danforth, of the Fancy Lads, played in creating the niche that players like Kowen and Cole "Black" Stacks now occupy. In this regard, Rampant Professionalism has done an excellent job in establishing the early-season dominance of rookie passing teams, like this season's Eagles. If there are any big indicators about how Rampant Professionalism will continue to win the hearts and minds of the league we only need to look towards our impressive touchdown spread. We are currently up 9 touchdowns, higher than any other team in the league. We have also scored more touchdowns than any other team in the league at this point, and we are at the top of Division B. On top of all this, Rampant Professionalism has accomplished all this so far while having the highest EOS of any team in the league. Clearly, Rampant Professionalism is able to maintain its dominance in the rankings without resorting to overt and covert threats to the physical safety of other teams, an atrocity committed even (and especially) by the league commissioner. Clearly, there is a better way to Blood Bowl.
Grade: A+
Professionalism
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether you win with natural athletic grace or as a hot and uncoordinated mess. What matters is that you win correctly. When coaching the Fancy Lads, we would often just mob wherever the ball happened to rest upon the field until one team or the other managed to have their hands on it in the correct end zone. Professionalism requires a team to win games almost as if they were just going through the motions of another day at the office, almost as if the other team wasn't even there. However, far too often this season have we allowed the opposition to seriously stymie our play. In the last two matches alone, Rampant Professionalism has suffered 7 serious injuries including one death and one necessary dismissal. With those two veteran vertebra, the team's backbone is seriously shorthanded, and hopefully the Farshardians will be able to step into their new mid-season roles without much fuss. Despite our rocky start so far, Professionalism only has one way to go from here, up!
Grade: C+
Merchandising
When all is said and done, we are all here mostly for one reason and one reason alone. To have a quick laugh at the glorious and too-often tragically short careers of our beloved players. Well, why not make those more memorable by selling cheap, mass-produced replicas, models, action-figures, collectible cards, lunchboxes, windshield wiper blades, breakfast cereals, Saturday morning cartoons, popsicles, freeze-dried coffee grounds, lanyards, t-shirts, stuffed dolls, tobacco-products, bookmarks, engagement rings, temporary tattoos, comic books, throw pillows and more (much more)! These and many other great products could be waiting to decorate and embellish a household near (or surrounding) you right now! Please send your check, money order, cash, or credit card information to Professionalism, Inc. 123 Rampant Way.
Grade: Can you really put a "grade" on memories
Cumulative Grade: Professional
Delia2531
2014-08-28, 11:29 AM
Previous stories from the back rooms of LDR:
Scene: DarkTail’s office – There is a knock at the door.
DarkTail: Come in!
The door opens and Tanya and her twin step in to the room with lithe, supple movements.
Tanya: You wanted to see us Boss?
Yes, I’ve been running the numbers and I think we’re in with a shout at a play-off place; but it’s going to take a lot of effort on all fronts. I’ve got Speedy, BBR and Mouse-Trap out with the team now going over plays and getting them in peak condition for the remaining matches; but it isn’t going to be enough.
Tanya Too: What do you mean DT?
The players are the only ones who can influence our destiny this season, we need to win our own matches but we also need certain results in other matches to give us the best chance of coming third in the Division. We’ve got those damned elves of Rampant Professionalism this week, their team’s so strong I doubt we’re going to see an extension to our current streak; but that’s in the hands of the players; I’ve brought in Smarty from the Peak to bolster our backfield, even if it is at the expense of one of our growing stars. We also need the Razors to struggle some before we play them in week 11. This means making sure that the Feet have every advantage they can in their match.
Sounds sensible, but where do we fit in?
I need you girls to help out over at the Feet. Go to their training sessions, build up their players as best you can; you’ve done wonders here these last few weeks, see if you can’t work a little of your magic over there. There’s one particular Rat that I think needs a boost, Krusty; he’s a growing talent but he just needs a little more confidence in himself and his abilities and I’m sure you girls can bring that out of him. Do whatever you have to do to build him up, and I do mean anything. If the Feet win there’ll be a hefty bonus for both of you when you get back.
Okay, fluff up Krusty to improve his performance; we can manage that.
Yeah, but will it be enough?
I’ve also asked the Commissioner if you can go to the Feet game to act as their cheer squad this week. If he says yes, Leriel and I will sort you out some uniforms and you can support the Feet officially. If he says no, then we’ll get you a couple of tickets and you can go in plain clothes and just stir up the crowd the best you can. If you get the chance, high-tail it back here to support our rats too; but your primary goal this week is a Feet victory.
The Feet to win, whatever the cost eh? Sounds like a job for us two, eh sis?
With that, the girls turn to walk out locking arms around each other’s waist and leaning in to whisper to each other. The last thing that can be heard as they close the door is
Perfect, a chance to do what we’ve always wanted and get paid to do it; Krusty won’t know what’s hit him!
Scene: The Naked Singularity training pitch during a Feet practice session later in the week.
The two Tanyas are present, in plain clothes rather than their uniforms (which just means the colours are different, not the hemlines!) At a break they catch up with Krusty.
Hey Krusty, some good work out there this morning, you’re really moving well.
Yeah, a real star and a hunk too.
Krusty looks slightly unsure as to where to look and stands with his hands in front of him, a little timidly.
No need to be shy, handsome, there’s no shame in being the best player on a team. I know you were hoping to be picked up in Swap Week but I know Leriel didn’t want to let you go, you’re too valuable to the Feet; and I can see why he thinks that.
Oops, looks like coach wants you back; sock it to em!
Krusty returns to the practice pitch, a slight spring in his step that wasn’t there before. Over the course of the session the girls speak to him at every break, each time he returns to the session more confident and assertive and his performance improves yet more. At the end of the session, the girls stop him as he is heading back to the changing rooms with the rest of the team.
Hey champ! A rat like you needs a little special attention, it doesn’t do for a star like you to be scrubbed down like livestock. We know of a private room where you can clean up and relax; have a hot shower of your own, spread out.
The girls start to lead him to another part of the complex, to a door marked VIPs only. Inside is a fairly large, plush room with a drinks cabinet a large sofa and a private bathroom. Tanya Too, or is it Tanya (it’s hard to tell), pours Krusty a drink and hands it to him whilst Tanya (or is it Too?) stands behind him and releases the straps on his armour and proceeds to rub his shoulders. Krusty visibly relaxes. The girls move to stand next to each other, slightly in front of him and turn to walk to the bathroom.
Of course, one of the advantages of a large shower is there is room for more than one person!
Looking over her shoulder she winks and both girls’ clothes seem to fall to the floor of their own free will just as they step over the threshold of the room. Krusty gives a slight double take and then rushes forward to join them.
Fade to black (this isn’t that sort of publication!:smallwink:)
Scene: the training pitch the next day. The twins are once again in the bleachers watching the proceedings.
Meredith: Great work Krusty, you’re on fire today; I don’t know what you’ve been up to, but I wish you’d let everyone in on the secret.
Krusty just smiles and gives a knowing wink and a shake of his head. Meredith catches his glance at the girls on the sideline and returns his wink with a knowing smile. When he turns his back to return to the pitch she gives the girls a small wave and mouths “Thank you” before returning to the line of scrimmage.
Scene:- Outside The Naked Singularity ground, late at night after the All-Division Game.
A lithe figure creeps out of the darkness, seemingly examines the walls and then waves to someone in the darkness and slips through a door. Two other, larger, figures follow and enter the building the same way.
Scene:- In the warrenous corridoors of the stadium, in the team administration area;
Tanya: This way, Badger's clinic room is down these stairs.
Sorexa: Are you sure we want to do this?
Beanz: Whatever it takes, I've got to get back on the team! Ever since coach DarkTail dropped me I've been hanging around, trying to get back but he was very clear my broken hip and skull made me too much of a liability for the team and kicked me out. I need to find a way to fix this, and if you can't do it perhaps Badge can!
Tanya makes her way to a door at the bottom of the stairs, underwhich a strange, green glow can be seen.
Okay, this is the place. She knocks softly on the door, but as soon as she touches it it is opened from behind by Dana, Badger's assistant.
This way please lady and gentlerats; we've been expecting you.
The three members fo LDR make their way in to the room; Sorexa can hardly contain his excitement at the sight of the wierd and wonderful equipment dotted around the room, lit by the eerie glow of warpstone. He reaches out to touch a particularly interesting piece.
I wouldn't do that if I were you, unless you aren't fond of that arm? Stepping from the back of the room, Badger appears clad in his usual white lab-coat. Always a pleasure to meet another trained in our craft, and always a pleasure to help out a rat in need. You must be the one they call Beanz, what an interesting name.
My dear old dad heard the word and thought it sounded good; he never knew any different. Doc here tells me you can fix me Doc, is it true? Can you get me back on the pitch for the Rats; really?
My dear Beanz, I can do more than that. I can get you back on the pitch, stronger and tougher than ever before; you won't even recognise yourself.
Better than before, zoinks, lets do it.
There's the small matter of payment?
Tanya takes Dana to one side and hands her a small, bulging, leather bag Here you go, un-cut warpstones as requested.
When she turns back to the centre of the room, Badger and Sorexa are already strapping Beanz to the treatment table. Once they are done, Sorexa turns and gentle grasps her elbow to guide Tanya out of the room. As Badger approaches with a syringe, Beanz calls out.
Tanya, don't leave me; please? I've always felt better with you around.
Of course honey, I wouldn't dream of leaving you here on your own; Badger might just sign you to the feet before we came back. with this she shares a friendly smile with the other rats.
As Sorexa leaves the room and closes the door, he hears one final comment;
Now then, my friend, this will scratch a little and then there will be no more pain
Scene:- The LDR training pitch two days later. Tanya arrives late for practice.
DarkTail: Where have you been? Practice started an hour ago and you know how the boys don't like to play without you here.
Relax coach, I was doing something for the team. Remember poor old Beanz?
How could I forget him? The sound his bones made when they were broken in those tackles and the way he used to hang around the fringes of practice trying to find a way back on to the team. What of him?
I want you to give him another chance
Honey, he had a cracked skull and a broken hip; the poor sod had no chance on the pitch, retiring him saved his life; I shoudl have done the same with 'The Rain'.
Just meet him coach, he's had some treatment and he's showing real signs of improvement.
Okay, have him come by practice later and we'll run him through some drills. Now get out there and do what you do best!
Later that morning two figures approach, both clad in a deep-hooded cloak but one moving smoothly the other seeming quite bulky.
What's this?
The smaller figure pulls back the hood, Hey coach, you said you wanted to meet with Beanz; here he is! With that she pulls the cloak from the other figure to reveal a large, stooped figure not like any other rat on the team. As DarkTail watches, the creature before him straightens its back until it stands head and shoulders higher than any other player on the team, its tail twitching from side to side occaissionally coiling around the ankle of the other figure, saliva drips slowly from one side of the mouth in the deformed head.
I'll say that again, What is this?! I thought you said you were brining Beanz to see me?
This is Beanz coach, he's just a little different is all!
Different, he's an abomination! Tanya what have you done!
DarkTail senses someone approach from behind him, spins around quickly only to come face to face with Tanya, clad in her usually outfit for team practice; confused he doesn't even take the opportunity to drink in the spectacle that the outfit provides. Tanya? He spins back, Tanya? he flicks his gaze between the two of them just what in the hell is going on here?
Tanya steps round to stand alongside the other two; It's simple coach, Sorexa and I took Beanz to see Badger at the Feet. He offered to fix Beanz up and get him back on the pitch; which he did. Our friend here is bigger, as you can see, stronger and tougher than he ever was and than any other rat on this team. You've seen what that Experiment IV can do for the Feet, well now we've got a big guy of our own.
And just how much did this "treatment" cost and who is this? DarkTail points to the other Tanya.
All told, about one seventy; he wanted paying in warpstone, which isn't cheap but I know a guy who managed to get it for us for one fifty, and then when Beanz here woke up he caused a little damage to the lab and so we had to cough up a little more to cover it. However, as an added bonus, when Badger was messing around with the warpstone coil, or whatever he called it, somehow him zappign Beanz also zapped me and before you know it there are two of me. I thought she could join the cheer squad?
Pinching the bridge of his nose DarkTail sighs; Fine, fine; get this guy in to the scrimmage practice, tell BDR to work it out. And what do I call you? he points to the new arrival.
Oh that's easy coach, I'm Tanya Too!
Fine, whatever; get a uniform, get some routines worked out; welcome to the LDR! pointing to the original Tanya, You, young lady, you and I need to have a little chat about boundaries and limits; come to my office after practice! With that he turns on his heel and walks away muttering Two Tanyas, that's basically twins; ...
Scene:- DarkTail's office later that day; BDR knocks and walks in
Hey Coach, just to let you know we've worked out some plays; I think this could make all the difference! But the guys don't like calling that thing Beanz.
Oh no? What do thew want to call him?
Well, initially they were just calling him the dumb lump; but after he picked Biter and Scragger up by their ankles at the same time they've started calling him Dangerous Beanz!
I like it, get it put on his shirt and the team roster. Beanz is gone, long live Dangerous Beanz!
Aedilred
2014-09-08, 11:28 AM
League Leader Archive - Part 2
Players marked with asterisks took part in the Week 7 All-Division Match.
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles30
=2Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors26
=2Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet26
4JekylSneak Kings25
5Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut23
=6Narthug*Da Monsters of da Midden18
=6Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut18
=6Kajus Koinor*Sweet Feet18
=9GrotDa Monsters of da Midden17
=9Chord Horrid*Murder, Arson and Jaywalking17
=9Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism17
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles10
2Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet7
=3Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors5
=3Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism5
=5Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism4
=5Diggles BouldercotSelene's Seductive Strut4
=6Derk von Duneheim*Bloodknights3
=6Cole “Black” Stacks*Rampant Professionalism3
=6Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut3
=6The KingSneak Kings3
=6Kajus Koinor*Sweet Feet3
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster*Talabheim Eagles7
2Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism5
=3LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats2
=3Kinked KalosSweet Feet2
=5Edwin OrilAnlec Razors1
=5Cole “Black” Stacks*Rampant Professionalism1
=5Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut1
=5The KingSneak Kings1
=5Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles1
=5Reimund van HoutenTalabheim Eagles1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
=1Morg 'n' Thorg Star Player5
=1Stinger*Selene's Seductive Strut5
=1Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut5
=1Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut5
=1JekylSneak Kings5
6RipperStar Player4
=7Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak3
=7Jokey CTCTCrooked Peak3
=7GrotDa Monsters of da Midden3
=7Tyraxor*Sneak Kings3
=7Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles3
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
=1FattyCrooked Peak5
=1Standy AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=3Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak4
=3RipperStar Player4
=3Narthug*Da Monsters of da Midden4
=3MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking4
=3Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut4
=3TyraxorSneak Kings4
=3Dirk Westenberg*Talabheim Eagles4
=10Nikole TrushBloodknights3
=10Drox "Destroyer of All Dreams" Fetlock*Murder, Arson and Jaywalking3
=10Sly TailSweet Feet3
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors1
=1Slammy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Glart Smashrip, Jr.Low-Down Dirty Rats (Star)1
=1Lurig ChrushMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=1Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut1
=1JebSneak Kings1
=1Grak'ng'Grak GothagSweet Feet (Star Player)1
=1Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors1
=1Derk von Duneheim*Bloodknights1
=1Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Grisel ShagburnMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=1Horineh the Bloated*Twisted Rotten1
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet224
2The KingSneak Kings204
3Derk von Duneheim*Bloodknights180
4Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors174
5Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak168
6WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden164
7Sneaker*Low-Down Dirty Rats148
8Diggles BouldercotSelene's Seductive Strut148
9LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats146
10Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles134
Players marked with asterisks took part in the Week 7 All-Division Match.
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors36
2Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles35
3Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut30
4JekylSneak Kings27
5Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet26
6Narthug*Da Monsters of da Midden20
7Chord Horrid*Murder, Arson and Jaywalking20
=8Scutter*Low-Down Dirty Rats19
=8Stinger*Selene's Seductive Strut19
=10Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut18
=10Kajus Koinor*Sweet Feet18
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles11
2Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet7
3Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors6
=4Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism5
=4Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism5
=6Scutter*Low-Down Dirty Rats4
=6Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut4
=6Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut4
=7Derk von Duneheim*Bloodknights3
=7Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak3
=7Cole “Black” Stacks*Rampant Professionalism3
=7The KingSneak Kings3
=7Kajus Koinor*Sweet Feet3
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster*Talabheim Eagles8
2Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism5
=3LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats2
=3Kinked KalosSweet Feet2
=5Edwin OrilAnlec Razors1
=5Cole “Black” StacksRampant Professionalism1
=5Chase FardashianRampant Professionalism1
=5Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut1
=5The KingSneak Kings1
=5Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles1
=5Reimund van HoutenTalabheim Eagles1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
1Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut7
2JekylSneak Kings6
=3Morg 'n' Thorg Star Player5
=3Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=3Stinger*Selene's Seductive Strut5
=3Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut5
=7RipperSneak Kings (Star Player)4
=7Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles4
=9Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors3
=9Jokey CTCT*Crooked Peak3
=9GrotDa Monsters of da Midden3
=9Narthug*Da Monsters of da Midden3
=9Dangerous BeanzLow-Down Dirty Rats3
=9TyraxorSneak Kings3
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking6
=2FattyCrooked Peak5
=2Standy AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=2Narthug*Da Monsters of da Midden5
=5Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak4
=5GrotDa Monsters of da Midden4
=5Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut4
=5TyraxorSneak Kings4
=5EbenezerSneak Kings4
=5Dirk Westenberg*Talabheim Eagles4
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
1Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors2
=2Slammy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=2Guardy CTCT*Crooked Peak1
=2KrotDa Monsters of da Midden1
=2Glart Smashrip, Jr.Low-Down Dirty Rats (Star)1
=2Lurig ChrushMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=2Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut1
=2JebSneak Kings1
=2Grak'ng'Grak GothagStar Player1
=2Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors1
=1Derk von Duneheim*Bloodknights1
=1Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Grisel ShagburnMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=1Horineh the Bloated*Twisted Rotten1
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak244
2Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet232
3Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors222
4The KingSneak Kings216
5Derk von Duneheim*Bloodknights206
6WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden198
7Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut176
8Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten172
=9Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles150
=9Cole “Black” Stacks*Rampant Professionalism150
Players marked with asterisks took part in the Week 7 All-Division Match.
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors43
2Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles38
3Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut32
4JekylSneak Kings29
5Scutter*Low-Down Dirty Rats28
6Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet26
7Chord Horrid*Murder, Arson and Jaywalking23
8Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster*Talabheim Eagles22
9Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut21
10Narthug*Da Monsters of da Midden20
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles12
2Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors8
=3Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet7
=3Scutter*Low-Down Dirty Rats7
=5Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism5
=5Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism5
=5Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut5
=8Derk von DuneheimBloodknights4
=8Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak4
=8Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut4
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles9
2Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism5
=3LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats2
=3Kinked KalosSweet Feet2
=5Edwin OrilAnlec Razors1
=5Cole “Black” Stacks*Rampant Professionalism1
=5Chase FardashianRampant Professionalism1
=5Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut1
=5The KingSneak Kings1
=5Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles1
=5Reimund van HoutenTalabheim Eagles1
=5Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors1
=5Derk von Duneheim*Bloodknights1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut8
=2RipperStar Player7
=2JekylSneak Kings7
4Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut6
=5Morg 'n' Thorg Star Player5
=5Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=5StingerSelene's Seductive Strut5
=8GrotDa Monsters of da Midden4
=8Dangerous BeanzLow-Down Dirty Rats4
=8EbenezerSneak Kings4
=8Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles4
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking7
=2FattyCrooked Peak5
=2Standy AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=2Narthu*gDa Monsters of da Midden5
=2Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut5
=2TyraxorSneak Kings5
=2Ebenezer*Sneak Kings5
=8RipperStar Player4
=8Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak4
=8Guardy CTCT*Crooked Peak4
=8GrotDa Monsters of da Midden4
=8Dirk Westenberg*Talabheim Eagles4
=8Ventric PusblighterTwisted Rotten4
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors2
=1Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut2
=3Slammy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Guardy CTCT*Crooked Peak1
=3KrotDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3Glart Smashrip, Jr.Low-Down Dirty Rats (Star)1
=3Lurig ChrushMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=3NoludSelene's Seductive Strut1
=3JebSneak Kings1
=3Grak'ng'Grak GothagSweet Feet (Star Player)1
=3Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors1
=1Derk von DuneheimBloodknights1
=1Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Grisel ShagburnMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=1Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten1
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak292
2Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors280
3Derk von DuneheimBloodknights254
4Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten238
5Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut234
6Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet232
7The KingSneak Kings228
=8WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden212
=8Chord HorridMurder, Arson and Jaywalking212
10LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats180
Players marked with asterisks took part in the Week 7 All-Division Match.
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors48
2Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles44
3Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut32
4JekylSneak Kings29
5Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet29
6Scutter*Low-Down Dirty Rats28
7Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut24
=8GrotDa Monsters of da Midden23
=8Chord Horrid*Murder, Arson and Jaywalking23
=8Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster*Talabheim Eagles23
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles14
=2Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors8
=2Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet8
4ScutterLow-Down Dirty Rats7
5Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut6
=6Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism5
=6Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism5
=7Derk von DuneheimBloodknights4
=7Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak4
=7KowenSelene's Seductive Strut4
=7The KingSneak Kings4
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles10
2Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism5
3LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats3
=4Derk von DuneheimBloodknights2
=4Chase FardashianRampant Professionalism2
=4The KingSneak Kings2
=4Kinked KalosSweet Feet2
=8Edwin OrilAnlec Razors1
=8Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors1
=8Cole “Black” StacksRampant Professionalism1
=8Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut1
=8Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles1
=8Reimund van HoutenTalabheim Eagles1
=8Bastian von RompaeyTalabheim Eagles1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut8
=2RipperStar Player7
=2Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut7
=2JekylSneak Kings7
5StingerSelene's Seductive Strut6
=6Morg 'n' ThorgStar Player5
=6Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=6Dangerous BeanzLow-Down Dirty Rats5
=6EbenezerSneak Kings5
=10GrotDa Monsters of da Midden4
=10Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles4
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking8
=2TyraxorSneak Kings6
=2EbenezerSneak Kings6
=4FattyCrooked Peak5
=4Standy AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=4NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden5
=4KowenSelene's Seductive Strut5
=8Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak4
=8Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak4
=8GrotDa Monsters of da Midden4
=8Dirk WestenbergTalabheim Eagles4
=8Ventric PusblighterTwisted Rotten4
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors2
=1Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut2
=3Slammy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Guardy CTCT*Crooked Peak1
=3KrotDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3Glart Smashrip, Jr.Low-Down Dirty Rats (Star)1
=3Lurig ChrushMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=3NoludSelene's Seductive Strut1
=3JebSneak Kings1
=3Grak'ng'Grak GothagSweet Feet (Star Player)1
=3Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors1
=1Derk von DuneheimBloodknights1
=1Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Grisel ShagburnMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=1Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten1
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors306
2Derk von DuneheimBloodknights296
3Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak292
4Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut266
5The KingSneak Kings256
6Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten256
7Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet244
8Chord HorridMurder, Arson and Jaywalking228
9WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden212
10LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats210
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors48
2Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles47
3Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut37
4Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet35
5JekylSneak Kings31
6Chord Horrid*Murder, Arson and Jaywalking30
7Scutter*Low-Down Dirty Rats28
8Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut27
9Tarquin Mandeville*Anlec Razors25
=10Narthug*Da Monsters of da Midden24
=10Edwin “The Ballista” Armbruster*Talabheim Eagles24
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles15
2Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet10
3Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors8
=4ScutterLow-Down Dirty Rats7
=4Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism7
=4Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut7
7The KingSneak Kings6
=8Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism5
=8KowenSelene's Seductive Strut5
=10Derk von DuneheimBloodknights4
=10Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak4
=10Kajus KoinorSweet Feet4
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles11
=2LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats5
=2Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism5
=4Derk von DuneheimBloodknights2
=4Chase FardashianRampant Professionalism2
=4Spring FardashianRampant Professionalism2
=4The KingSneak Kings2
=4Kinked KalosSweet Feet2
=9Edwin OrilAnlec Razors1
=9Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors1
=9Cole “Black” StacksRampant Professionalism1
=9Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut1
=9Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles1
=9Reimund van HoutenTalabheim Eagles1
=9Bastian von RompaeyTalabheim Eagles1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
=1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut9
=1Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut9
3JekylSneak Kings8
=4RipperStar Player7
=4StingerSelene's Seductive Strut7
=6Morg 'n' Thorg Star Player5
=6Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=6NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden5
=6Dangerous BeanzLow-Down Dirty Rats5
=6EbenezerSneak Kings5
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking9
2TyraxorSneak Kings7
=3Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut6
=3EbenezerSneak Kings6
=5FattyCrooked Peak5
=5Standy AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=5NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden5
=5KowenSelene's Seductive Strut5
=9RipperStar Player4
=9Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors4
=9CastielBloodknights4
=9Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak4
=9Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak4
=9GrotDa Monsters of da Midden4
=9Dirk WestenbergTalabheim Eagles4
=9Ventric PusblighterTwisted Rotten4
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors2
=1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut2
=3Slammy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3KrotDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3BadzodDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3ZogteefDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3Glart Smashrip, Jr.Low-Down Dirty Rats (Star)1
=3Lurig ChrushMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=3HookSelene's Seductive Strut1
=3NoludSelene's Seductive Strut1
=3JebSneak Kings1
=3Grak'ng'Grak GothagSweet Feet (Star Player)1
=3Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors1
=1Derk von DuneheimBloodknights1
=1Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Grisel ShagburnMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=1Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten1
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Derk von DuneheimBloodknights330
2Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet324
3Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut316
4The KingSneak Kings316
5Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors306
6Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak292
7Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten270
8LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats256
9Chord HorridMurder, Arson and Jaywalking236
10Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles216
Delia2531
2014-09-16, 10:26 AM
Of rats and men.
Scene - DarkTail's office, LDR headquarters.
DarkTail: Kerchoo! Bloomin' flowers; where are they all coming from anyway?
BigBlackRat: The guy who keeps dropping them off was wearing a Feet shirt and says they're for the Tanyas from Krusty.
Wow! Whatever those girls did to that rat last week it left an impression; he's besotted. At least it was worth it, that touchdown from Krusty kept our playoff hopes alive. Now, tell me team; how are we going to win this week.
The coaching staff of LDR gather round to talk about training regimes, set pieces and special tactics.
Scene: The cheer squad locker room, it's steamy and everything is in soft focus; shapes move smoothly, the occasional glimpse of something appears through the steam and is quickly obscured again.
Tanya: Another good session from our boys, don't you think?
Tanya Too: Ageed, Scutter is really strutting his stuff but the other Runners are starting to show promise; we should probably give them a little something?
Well, perhaps a little something to inspire them but just a promise of the things to come if we make the playoffs.
Perhaps we can pay Krusty another visit too, he was a nice guy?
Perhaps, if there's time.
From the depths of the steam comes a third female voice;
Meredith: If I might make a suggestion girls? Krusty is already performing well following your attention last week, this week I think we need to see a star performance from Velydra Sr. this week. Coach Leriel asked me to hire Skitter and we need Velydra to give a performance to match. He also mentioned something about neutralising the natural threat, which I can only take to mean Kowen but I'm not sure there's anything you girls can do about that.
Skitter's coming to your game?
Let's leave him for afterwards, we need to focus on Velydra and Lobbitt both the teams need a real lift. We need to be careful around Krusty though, we don't want to break his heart or cause any jealousy and as for Kowen there might be something we can do but it'll take some doing.
I'm sure you girls know what you're doing; I better be heading back, thanks for letting me use your showers so much better to have a private facility and room for some girly things.
Are you sure you have to leave right now? There's plenty of hot water left.
And you sure do look like a girl who needs to unwind a little, maybe spend some more time in female company; no boys!
The steam thickens and all vision is obscured; Well...
Scene: a couple of days later back at LDR HQ. The room is filled with flowers so that there are only glimpses of smooth flesh between them occasionally.
We should just get our own keys to the executive offices at the Singularity, it would save a lot of time and effort.
Yeah, and but if I spend any more time in the shower room I'm going to turn in to a vole!
I know what you mean, time for a change of scenery next time. Shame we couldn't get near Kowen what with all that extra security, Selene must know what we're up to.
Ironic really when she's up to the same things as us! Are we going to the Feet game today? If I can't catch Skitter's eye afterwards there's always Krusty; or perhaps Meredith would like to come and watch our game and hang out afterwards?
Perhaps; anyway we'd better get dressed if we're going to get to these matches on time!
Clarkson
2014-10-07, 08:48 PM
Coach Clarkson calls Crooked Peak to attention saying I know that there are some saying that the time of the Bashing team is over in this league. That the way forward is to start putting points on the board, and just letting them score. But here we are! We don't have a designated Ball-Carrier, but just about all our players are capable of laying an opponent out on the pitch. Especially Frisky.
Our play-style got us here, and last season we were in the same position. Playing against an Elf team who had beaten us during a Week 5 Star-Player action week. And you know what? We pulled of the upset, and played our game. Not theirs, OURS. We started knocking their players to the ground, and made sure they weren't getting up anytime soon. We kept them from passing, and when they did, our players caught it, not theirs. Grabby, you've proven that the Blockers can catch the ball, so we're relying on that to keep Tony from dumping the ball off.
And don't think we'll get away with just knocking out their key players like last week. Their Blitzers got them the draw, and every single player on the Razors is better at handling the ball than the blitzers. If we're going to win, everyone needs to start filling up Miss. Von Krippen's tent. Frisky, Grabby, and Jokey, that's you. Warpy, Floppy, when we've got the ball, you're keeping everyone away from whoever has it. Standy, Guardy, hold the line. Make them commit more players to dealing with just the two of you. Schmacky, you're providing that edge of strength that no one else on this team has. Boomy. Get the ball. Go to the endzone. That is your job. We're relying on you and to a lesser extent Stooge to not be as thoroughly embarrassed about our offensive abilities. Smarty and Smashy help Boomy get the ball. I've been waiting on your training course to pay off, and if it's going to, it'll be this game.
Yes, they can outscore us. But we can put them on their back faster than they can get up. How are they going to score when they're on the ground, trying to figure out why Bull the Butcher is on the field.
We are the dwarves of Crooked Peak! We don't back down! Before and after teams play us their only words are "**** dwarves"! We don't back down from a fight! We are the highest valued team in the League, and it shows! We're going to leave this locker room, and we're going to put the BLOOD back in Bloodbowl!
Let's go put some elves in their place. The team waddles out of the locker room, whooping and shouting.
Cause otherwise ain't none of you seeing another match.
Aedilred
2014-10-11, 06:11 PM
Week 12 League Leaders (end of regular season)
Players marked with asterisks took part in the Week 7 All-Division Match.
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors54
2Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles47
3Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut39
4Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet35
=5Chord Horrid*Murder, Arson and Jaywalking33
=5Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut33
7JekylSneak Kings31
8GrotDa Monsters of da Midden29
=9Tarquin Mandeville*Anlec Razors28
=9Scutter*Low-Down Dirty Rats28
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles15
=2Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors10
=2Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet10
4Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut9
5Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism8
6ScutterLow-Down Dirty Rats7
7The KingSneak Kings6
=8Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak5
=8Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism5
=8Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut5
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles11
=2LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats5
=2Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism5
4Spring FardashianRampant Professionalism3
=5Derk von DuneheimBloodknights2
=5Chase FardashianRampant Professionalism2
=5The KingSneak Kings2
=5Kinked KalosSweet Feet2
=5Bastian von RompaeyTalabheim Eagles2
=10Edwin OrilAnlec Razors1
=10Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors1
=10WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden1
=10Cole “Black” StacksRampant Professionalism1
=10Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut1
=10Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles1
=10Reimund van HoutenTalabheim Eagles1
=10Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
1Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut11
2Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut10
3JekylSneak Kings8
=4RipperStar Player7
=4StingerSelene's Seductive Strut7
=4GrotDa Monsters of da Midden7
=7Morg 'n' ThorgStar Player5
=7Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=7NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden5
=7Dangerous BeanzLow-Down Dirty Rats5
=7EbenezerSneak Kings5
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking10
=2TyraxorSneak Kings7
=2Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut7
=2EbenezerSneak Kings7
=2KowenSelene's Seductive Strut7
=6FattyCrooked Peak5
=6Standy AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=6Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak5
=6NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden5
=10Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors4
=10CastielBloodknights4
=10Nikole TrushBloodknights4
=10Derk von Duneheim*Bloodknights4
=10Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak4
=10GrotDa Monsters of da Midden4
=10DurgulDa Monsters of da Midden4
=10MagsgutDa Monsters of da Midden4
=10Dirk WestenbergTalabheim Eagles4
=10Ventric PusblighterTwisted Rotten4
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors2
=1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut2
=3Slammy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3KrotDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3BadzodDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3ZogteefDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3Glart Smashrip, Jr.Low-Down Dirty Rats (Star)1
=3Lurig ChrushMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=3HookSelene's Seductive Strut1
=3NoludSelene's Seductive Strut1
=3JebSneak Kings1
=3Grak'ng'Grak GothagSweet Feet (Star Player)1
=3Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors1
=1Derk von DuneheimBloodknights1
=1Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Grisel ShagburnMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=1Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten1
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut384
2Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors380
3Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet360
4Derk von DuneheimBloodknights332
5Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak328
6The KingSneak Kings316
7Chord HorridMurder, Arson and Jaywalking306
8LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats282
9Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten280
10Lucius von DuneheimBloodknights238
Leriel
2014-10-17, 07:36 AM
Nevermind the sweeties! Here's the Mysterious Skaven!
Episode 14 - Epilogue
And this curve, is your smile
And this cross, is your heart
And this line, is your path...
Morten Maalven smiles, looking at the dancer: a drow girl just wearing red shoes, with cat ears and long white hair.
"Another Katherine's song... and another alter ego. You're really surprising, Leriel..."
Maalven is speaking to himself, looking at a small book, full of annotations, symbols and strange diagrams. He nods.
"Andor managed to defeat The One Sin and retrieved the Spear of Wotan. Also, Sihaya defeated Malar and wore its fur: by the Rule of Three, everything is ready. Let's speak a little, would you?"
Maalven tosses away the book, since a shape is emerging from it: a humanoid shape, made of numbers... a lot of green "zeroes" and "ones", changing and merging - some of them becomes "twos", "threes"... even numbers, up to 7919.
The shape smiles at his "friend": again, Maalven's face is hidden by oversized goggles and his body is wrapped by a leather trench.
"The Thousandth Prime. And so I did the First Step. I completed what required my presence there... and my alter egos did what were required for the Ascension. I feel ready."
"That's fine. I am happy, Leriel, for real: finally we can face the AI. The Astonishing Idiot."
Leriel looks at his new, temporary form.
"I started suspecting that, since Season I. Why well trained players would behave in such stupid ways? Why throwers did not pass the ball? Surely, something was influencing their actions..."
"And then you found me. Morten Maalven, former chief engineer... unable to stop that idiot. Nuffle. He put together that stupid mind-affecting softw... I mean, spell... the AI. I was powerless against his highly placed friends; every fault that I found in his idea was buried by them. Just to allow his team to win... he played with the minds of countless Blood Bowl players. For decades. Nuffle!"
"I understand your anger, but time is running out. I am ready. I'll reach the sky and enter the Code."
"Just a second, Leriel, I felt something..."
it has no common sense at all and so can't be trusted not to perform some act of utterly braindead auto-lose idiocy...
"A proper comment. Wish me luck, Maalven!"
Leriel's body dissipates in fractal flowers, while he reach the steel sky. He merges in the electricity flows, following the energy path, hiding from the Binary Gate keepers. And finally he faces it: what looked like a black, fat centipede it's more like a fortress: a siliceous one, nailed to the sky with endless silver legs. A black, square fortress, burning hot, with a silver writing on its top: an open ellipse with two words at its centrum:
Nuffle Inside
Maalven gives a final look above. "Good luck, Leriel routine... Stop the AI idiocy!"
Run time error... Please reboot...
Aedilred
2014-10-18, 11:13 PM
League Leaders - Week 1 Playoffs
Players marked with asterisks took part in the Week 7 All-Division Match.
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors54
2Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles47
3Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut42
4Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet41
5Chord Horrid*Murder, Arson and Jaywalking38
6Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut36
7GrotDa Monsters of da Midden33
8Scutter*Low-Down Dirty Rats32
9JekylSneak Kings31
10Narthug*Da Monsters of da Midden30
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles15
=2Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut12
=2Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet12
4Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors10
5Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism9
6KowenSelene's Seductive Strut8
7ScutterLow-Down Dirty Rats7
8The KingSneak Kings6
=9Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism5
=9Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak5
=9GorberSelene's Seductive Strut5
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles11
=2Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism5
=2LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats5
4Spring FardashianRampant Professionalism4
=5Derk von DuneheimBloodknights2
=5Chase FardashianRampant Professionalism2
=5The KingSneak Kings2
=5Kinked KalosSweet Feet2
=5Bastian von RompaeyTalabheim Eagles2
=10Edwin OrilAnlec Razors1
=10Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors1
=10WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden1
=10Cole “Black” StacksRampant Professionalism1
=10Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut1
=10Erik ZilberschlagTalabheim Eagles1
=10Reimund van HoutenTalabheim Eagles1
=10Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten1
=10Lucius von DuneheimBloodknights1
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
1Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut11
2Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut10
3GrotDa Monsters of da Midden9
4JekylSneak Kings8
=5RipperStar Player7
=5StingerSelene's Seductive Strut7
=7Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak6
=7Örvar-Oddr Talabheim Eagles6
=7Morg 'n' ThorgStar Player5
=7NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden5
=7Dangerous BeanzLow-Down Dirty Rats5
=7EbenezerSneak Kings5
=7MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking5
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking13
2Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut8
=3TyraxorSneak Kings7
=3EbenezerSneak Kings7
=3KowenSelene's Seductive Strut7
=6FattyCrooked Peak5
=6Standy AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=6Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak5
=6NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden5
=10Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors4
=10CastielBloodknights4
=10Nikole TrushBloodknights4
=10Derk von Duneheim*Bloodknights4
=10Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak4
=10GrotDa Monsters of da Midden4
=10DurgulDa Monsters of da Midden4
=10MagsgutDa Monsters of da Midden4
=10Dirk WestenbergTalabheim Eagles4
=10Ventric PusblighterTwisted Rotten4
=10Irie MaulMurder, Arson and Jaywalking4
=10Experiment IVSweet Feet4
=10Blaend EdjutBloodknights4
=10Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak4
=10KrotDa Monsters of da Midden4
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors2
=1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut2
=3Slammy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3KrotDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3BadzodDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3ZogteefDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3Glart Smashrip, Jr.Low-Down Dirty Rats (Star)1
=3Lurig ChrushMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=3HookSelene's Seductive Strut1
=3NoludSelene's Seductive Strut1
=3JebSneak Kings1
=3Grak'ng'Grak GothagSweet Feet (Star Player)1
=3Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
=3Örvar-Oddr Talabheim Eagles1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors1
=1Derk von DuneheimBloodknights1
=1Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Grisel ShagburnMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=1Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten1
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut422
2Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet408
3Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak392
4Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors390
5Derk von DuneheimBloodknights348
6LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats328
7Chord HorridMurder, Arson and Jaywalking318
8The KingSneak Kings316
9WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden296
10Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten280
Semifinals League Leaders
Players marked with asterisks took part in the Week 7 All-Division Match.
Star Player Points
RankNameTeamSPPs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles55
2Tony Hesperaxian*Anlec Razors54
3Krusty Kallypso*Sweet Feet45
4Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut42
5Chord Horrid*Murder, Arson and Jaywalking38
6Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut36
7GrotDa Monsters of da Midden33
=8Scutter*Low-Down Dirty Rats32
=8Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism32
10JekylSneak Kings31
Touchdowns
RankNameTeamTDs
1Konrad van der VeenTalabheim Eagles16
2Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet13
3Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut12
=4Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors10
=4Princeton Foyer RichardsonRampant Professionalism10
6KowenSelene's Seductive Strut8
7ScutterLow-Down Dirty Rats7
8The KingSneak Kings6
=9Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak5
=9Winston the DebonairRampant Professionalism5
=9GorberSelene's Seductive Strut5
Passes
RankNameTeamPass
1Edwin “The Ballista” ArmbrusterTalabheim Eagles12
2LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats5
3Sloan “Sunglasses” KnightRampant Professionalism5
4Spring FardashianRampant Professionalism4
=5Derk von DuneheimBloodknights2
=5Chase FardashianRampant Professionalism2
=5The KingSneak Kings2
=5Kinked KalosSweet Feet2
=5Bastian von RompaeyTalabheim Eagles2
Casualties
RankNameTeamCas
1Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut11
2Kowen*Selene's Seductive Strut10
3GrotDa Monsters of da Midden9
4JekylSneak Kings8
=5StingerSelene's Seductive Strut7
=5Örvar-Oddr Talabheim Eagles7
=7Schmacky AlehammerCrooked Peak6
=7RipperSneak Kings (Star Player)6
=9Morg 'n' Thorg Sneak Kings (Star Player)3
=9NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden5
=9Dangerous BeanzLow-Down Dirty Rats5
=9MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking5
=9EbenezerSneak Kings5
Knockouts
RankNameTeamKOs
1MoonbloodMurder, Arson and Jaywalking13
2Doc NutsmasherSelene's Seductive Strut8
=3KowenSelene's Seductive Strut7
=3TyraxorSneak Kings7
=3EbenezerSneak Kings7
=6FattyCrooked Peak5
=6Standy AlehammerCrooked Peak5
=6Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak5
=6NarthugDa Monsters of da Midden5
=6Experiment IVSweet Feet5
=6Dirk WestenbergTalabheim Eagles5
Kills
RankNameTeamKills
=1Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors2
=1KowenSelene's Seductive Strut2
=3Slammy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Guardy CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=3KrotDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3BadzodDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3ZogteefDa Monsters of da Midden1
=3Glart Smashrip, Jr.Low-Down Dirty Rats (Star)1
=3Lurig ChrushMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=3HookSelene's Seductive Strut1
=3NoludSelene's Seductive Strut1
=3JebSneak Kings1
=3Grak'ng'Grak GothagSweet Feet (Star Player)1
=3Lukas von AmersvoortTalabheim Eagles1
=3Örvar-Oddr Talabheim Eagles1
Interceptions
RankNameTeamIT
=1Shem St. John SmytheAnlec Razors1
=1Derk von DuneheimBloodknights1
=1Grabby CTCTCrooked Peak1
=1Grisel ShagburnMurder, Arson and Jaywalking1
=1Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten1
Rushing Yards
RankNameTeamYR
1Krusty KallypsoSweet Feet488
2Diggles BouldercodSelene's Seductive Strut422
3Boomy DarkbeardCrooked Peak392
4Tony HesperaxianAnlec Razors390
5Derk von DuneheimBloodknights348
6LobbittLow-Down Dirty Rats328
7Chord HorridMurder, Arson and Jaywalking318
8The KingSneak Kings316
9WazgorDa Monsters of da Midden296
10Horineh the BloatedTwisted Rotten280
Delia2531
2014-10-20, 11:19 AM
Pinned to the notice board at LDR HQ:
NOTICE TO ALL PLAYERS
Friends, players, fellow rats - the end of the season draws nigh and with it our ability to generate more funds for the team. This season has seen an awful lot of lows, and a few highs, and I've been proud to call each and every one of you part of this team. Unfortunatley, our early departure from the playoffs, and our outstanding debts to Crow from earlier in the season mean that I cannot afford to keep all of you on next year. Before I begin the process of drawing up my team sheet for next season I would like to offer you all the courtesy of not assuming that you wish to continue with the team; you are all welcome to look elsewhere with my blessing, but if you aren't interested in returning to the team next season could you please make me aware of this, either in writing or in person, by the end of next week. I will hold no grudges against any rat that wishes to seek their fortune with another team, or chooses to explore other options than a weekly grinding on the pitch. For those who wish to stay, as I said I cannot guarantee you a place on the squad, nor even on our support staff, but you will always be welcome at LDR HQ.
To put minds at ease, I have been approached by Krusty Kalypso with a view to him joining the team but I have already told him there is no way a small outfit like ours can afford to pay his costs and field a full team, plus we've already got 4 excellent Gutter Runners; if he wants to join LDR and hang out with the Tanyas he's going to have to find another way, we could always do with someone to carry the kit bags eh boys?
The start of Season VI is likely to be a challenge, with some new teams; but it can't as hard as the start of Season V.
So for now, rest easy; training starts again in a few weeks.
See you on the training pitch!
DarkTail
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