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Jade_Tarem
2007-02-28, 03:23 AM
So, after a chance remark in a gaming session, I'm left to wonder what other funny names for monsters or classes exist out there.

What brought this up was a new player's mention of the Blighter. He found it amusing, and after a while my group agreed that it could make for some awkward pre-combat smack talk. Especially in the UK, with a player who had the stereotypical accent.

Player: "Stop right there, blighter."
Enemy: "No no, I'm just an evil druid."
Player: "I know what class you are."
Enemy: "Then why did you call me a blighter?"
Player: "Er, it just seemed like the thing to say."
Enemy: "But I'm not."
Player: "What, blighter is that offensive to you?"
Enemy: "No, just inaccurate."
Player: "So what?"
Enemy: "Well, I didn't call you a paladin."
Player: "Well, that would be silly. I'm not a paladin."
Enemy: "Exactly."
Player: "What?"
Enemy: "Never mind. *Ahem* You're too late! Soon the entire forest will be corrupted! Hahahaahhahahahaaa!"
Player: "Not if we can help it, yeh blighter!"
Enemy: "GHAAA!"

Sorry if anyone finds this offensive. I live at an engineering college in the Southeastern USA. Feel free to make all the jokes you want in retaliation.

So, any other names strike you as... a bit silly?

EDIT: This goes for items, feats, rules, etc. as well.

Stevenson
2007-02-28, 06:06 AM
Cleave, great cleave, etc. For the same reason OotS did. Too many players can mock it easily.

daggaz
2007-02-28, 06:38 AM
Don't forget the testiculator PrC...

No but seriously, a lot of people in my groups laugh whenever the dwarf 'rides the pony.'

pestilenceawaits
2007-02-28, 09:51 AM
My group spent almost an entire session laughing about the Rod of splendor and how it raises your charisma and makes a tent. I mean come on some one at wizards had to think through this a little.

ampcptlogic
2007-02-28, 09:54 AM
How about the riding dog? Or the Rod of Lordly Might? Belkar made the RoLM joke, so you know it can be taken the wrong way.

Dark
2007-02-28, 10:02 AM
My group spent almost an entire session laughing about the Rod of splendor and how it raises your charisma and makes a tent. I mean come on some one at wizards had to think through this a little.
It has other hilarious properties too :)

"Apparel created by the magic of the rod remains in existence for 12 hours."

Ah, the fun that can be had at parties...

Dervag
2007-02-28, 10:10 AM
How about the riding dog? Or the Rod of Lordly Might? Belkar made the RoLM joke, so you know it can be taken the wrong way.Of course, Belkar will make jokes about anything, whether or not it can be taken the wrong way.

He's got the Craft Disturbing Mental Image feat; his ability to double-entendre is far superior to that of ordinary mortals.

silentknight
2007-02-28, 02:23 PM
Nearly every session, the rogue in my group says that he wants a Rod of Splendor (for official rogueish type charming things) and it always sets the group into a 10 minute innuendo fest.

Especially since the rogue considers himself a ladies man.

And actually has a fair bit of skill and luck with the fairer sex.

He almost seduced a female paladin. Missed his diplomacy roll by 1.

Quietus
2007-02-28, 04:00 PM
Why is it that everyone thinks seducing a paladin is such a huge thing? I mean, for one, there's NOTHING that says they have to be celibate. And for two, they already come with a stick, do they not?

silentknight
2007-03-01, 07:26 PM
I think that a chaotic-aligned sneak-thief scoring an upstanding, charismatic, lawful, paladin is just....cool.

Mike_G
2007-03-01, 07:36 PM
I think that a chaotic-aligned sneak-thief scoring an upstanding, charismatic, lawful, paladin is just....cool.

Hey, chicks dig the bad boys.

Ranis
2007-03-01, 07:48 PM
Hey, chicks dig the bad boys.

That they do.

Clementx
2007-03-01, 10:03 PM
Which is why mind flayers always have hot girlfriends. They want them for their minds...then their body as a host for their parasitic offspring. It must just suck not having a functional reproductive tract.

Anyways, after the barbarian killed a fleeing gnome at 50ft with the severed head of its dead girlfriend, there was constant talk of "getting a little head." But that is standard, after all.

Seatbelt
2007-03-02, 12:14 AM
I always tell my players to avoid flirting with random NPCs, because lets face it, they're essentially flirting with me.

Peregrine
2007-03-02, 12:31 AM
Not so much funny, but what's with having a divination spell called 'Divination'? And a divine spell called 'Prayer'? Why don't we have an arcane blasty sort of spell called 'Evoke', just to be consistent? Heck, take it to the extreme, have one called 'Cast Spell'!

brian c
2007-03-02, 12:53 AM
I always tell my players to avoid flirting with random NPCs, because lets face it, they're essentially flirting with me.

it works when your DM is the opposite gender as you though, and you're both single.



Not so much funny, but what's with having a divination spell called 'Divination'? And a divine spell called 'Prayer'? Why don't we have an arcane blasty sort of spell called 'Evoke', just to be consistent? Heck, take it to the extreme, have one called 'Cast Spell'!

There should definitely be a "Transmute" spell, for alchemists and the like ;)

Jade_Tarem
2007-03-02, 12:59 AM
There should definitely be a "Transmute" spell, for alchemists and the like ;)

There is. It just has an additional couple words attached. Transmute Rock to Mud. Transmute Mud to Rock. Transmute Rock to Lava. Transmute Apple to Blueberry. There are bunches of them.

And to top it all off, ever since polymorph became its own subset of transmutation, there's a polymorph spell called polymorph.

Thomas
2007-03-02, 01:13 AM
it works when your DM is the opposite gender as you though, and you're both single.

And straight. Or, you know, the same gender and gay. And not creeped out by the greasy, unwashed nerd flirting with you.

Quietus
2007-03-02, 02:00 AM
I have yet to play with a creepy, unwashed nerd. If someone comes to my games and it looks like they haven't showered in days, I send them home.

Jothki
2007-03-02, 02:45 AM
Why is it that everyone thinks seducing a paladin is such a huge thing? I mean, for one, there's NOTHING that says they have to be celibate. And for two, they already come with a stick, do they not?

And they're immune to diseases.

brian c
2007-03-02, 02:55 AM
And they're immune to diseases.

See, so if you seduce a Paladin that's just being safe.

Wizzardman
2007-03-02, 03:01 AM
Well, as long as we're having an innuendo-fest, two words: Purple Worm.

Two more words: Century Worm.

...I think Wizards knows precisely what they're putting out in those books. And probably having a lot of laughs, merely from the stuff they can get away with.

Century Worm is in MMII. The picture is not safe for the underage or fainthearted, trust me.

Jade_Tarem
2007-03-02, 01:11 PM
I almost forgot one of the most obvious: Lay on Hands. Although OOTS covered this one...

Teloric
2007-03-02, 02:02 PM
Then there's the old fundamentalist one, "Slow Poison". If you'd never heard of it, you'd think it was a pretty evil spell...

Duraska
2007-03-02, 02:32 PM
This isn't a funny innuendo at all, but the first time I heard "turn undead" I honestly thought that Clerics and Paladins could shapechange into a skeleton.

I thought, "that seems kinda wrong and evil."

Maroon
2007-03-02, 03:52 PM
Fox's Cunning. "Oh, so it DOESN'T reduce the evil wizard's intelligence to 2? Bummer."

Also, Mage's Sword, Mage Hand, Mage’s Lucubration, Mage's Private Sanctum.

dungeon_munky
2007-03-05, 12:20 AM
Mage’s Lucubration is the one I always misread when I'm skimming spells. You'd think I'd learn, but no, it gets me every time.

Rope of climbing seems a bit redundant to me.

Not a wizards class, but one of my buddies was creading a dex-based polearm specialist class. We dubbed it the poledancer.

TheOOB
2007-03-05, 12:36 AM
Grease and Mordenkienen's Grapsing Hand have both made their rounds, sometimes it's hard to belive my group all age 20+ *sighs*

Druid
2007-03-05, 12:39 AM
This isn't a funny innuendo at all, but the first time I heard "turn undead" I honestly thought that Clerics and Paladins could shapechange into a skeleton.

I thought, "that seems kinda wrong and evil."

Yeah, that one got me the first time too.

I kind of like the staff of spheres.

Black Mage
2007-03-05, 12:57 AM
Mage’s Lucubration always works it's way to being Mage's Lubrication.

TheOOB
2007-03-05, 01:02 AM
Magic Mouth can be quite obscene at times....

Nahal
2007-03-05, 01:16 AM
Well, as long as we're having an innuendo-fest, two words: Purple Worm.

Two more words: Century Worm.

...I think Wizards knows precisely what they're putting out in those books. And probably having a lot of laughs, merely from the stuff they can get away with.

Century Worm is in MMII. The picture is not safe for the underage or fainthearted, trust me.
I don't see it in MM2, is it in the 2002 printing?

Tor the Fallen
2007-03-05, 01:19 AM
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ff_gallery/50103.jpg

TheOOB
2007-03-05, 01:22 AM
I'm not going to touch that one with a standard issue 10' pole

Jade_Tarem
2007-03-05, 01:56 AM
I'm not going to touch that one with a standard issue 10' pole

I agree. It's because of creatures like that that fireball has a range of 400 yards.

Nahal
2007-03-05, 02:12 AM
I agree. It's because of creatures like that that fireball has a range of 400 yards.
Yeesh, are you kidding? That thing's being erased from existence by a Destroy seed-based epic spell from a couple miles away.

Followed by a Wish to keep it dead.

Illiterate Scribe
2007-03-05, 12:03 PM
Yeesh, are you kidding? That thing's being erased from existence by a Destroy seed-based epic spell from a couple miles away.

Followed by a Wish to keep it dead.

No, forget that, we need a sphere of annihilation to permanently erase it from existence.

AngelSword
2007-03-05, 12:52 PM
Not so much funny, but what's with having a divination spell called 'Divination'? And a divine spell called 'Prayer'? Why don't we have an arcane blasty sort of spell called 'Evoke', just to be consistent? Heck, take it to the extreme, have one called 'Cast Spell'!
I think there should be a fire-based evocation spell called, "Burn ****," ice-based, "Make Stuff Cold," or even the more simple, "Cause Booboos."

Man, I need to write these down. COMING SOON! Wizardry for Dummies©.

A friend of mine is playing a binder in another game, which I had not seen. The first thing I asked her (couldn't help it) was, "Do you get the class feature, '3 rings?'"

Although not a class or item anomaly, a friend of mine was playing a dwarf a few years back, and had a very interesting escape during the first game. He was running with his mentor through a subterranean mining site, escaping some lethal force. When they were eventually overwhelmed, the mentor took on the group by himself to save his protegé.

Before being absolutely swarmed, he points to a dump shaft and shouts, "Take the shaft, boy! Take the shaft!"

Jade_Tarem
2007-03-05, 09:23 PM
I think there should be a fire-based evocation spell called, "Burn ****," ice-based, "Make Stuff Cold," or even the more simple, "Cause Booboos."

Man, I need to write these down. COMING SOON! Wizardry for Dummies©.

A friend of mine is playing a binder in another game, which I had not seen. The first thing I asked her (couldn't help it) was, "Do you get the class feature, '3 rings?'"

Although not a class or item anomaly, a friend of mine was playing a dwarf a few years back, and had a very interesting escape during the first game. He was running with his mentor through a subterranean mining site, escaping some lethal force. When they were eventually overwhelmed, the mentor took on the group by himself to save his protegé.

Before being absolutely swarmed, he points to a dump shaft and shouts, "Take the shaft, boy! Take the shaft!"

Wasn't there a pair of spells in the Dragonquest games called Hurt and Hurtmore?

Atanuero
2007-03-05, 09:55 PM
Then there was the time when a funny misspeak turned Open/Close into Open Clothes. That was the last session I ran with anybody under 15.

AngelSword
2007-03-06, 12:37 AM
Wasn't there a pair of spells in the Dragonquest games called Hurt and Hurtmore?
Well, I remember a spell, simply called Kaboom.

Though, I like this idea. I'm running with it.

Nahal
2007-03-06, 12:57 AM
You could also go the Penny Arcade route and make spells called Hurt and Burn. Then make wands out of 'em. Then give 'em to a gothic antihero.

Dark
2007-03-06, 10:37 AM
Good old Tunnels & Trolls had funny spell names :)

Some examples:

Take That, You Fiend - ranged damage spell
Oh There It Is - detects secret doors
Yassa-Massa - enslaves monsters
Little Feets - increases movement speed
Poor Baby - healing spell
Curses Foiled - remove curse
Healing Feeling - cure disease
Upsidaisy - levitate
Zombie Zonk - animate dead

And yes, you had to say the name of the spell to cast it :)