Thudruk Thursday

[Blackhawk748]

I actually said the title as a joke to my DM last session and he said that i need to do this, so here we go.

Its Thudruk Thrusday today and that means we all grab a mug of Thudruk and talk about dumb/awesome things we've done in DnD. Ill go first.

This is the tale of a Paladin of Slaughter. And no he didnt go around kicking puppies, burning down orphanages, or punching woman in the stomach (unless the were combatants). He ran around slaughtering warriors, granted his definition of warrior was anyone capable of swinging a weapon at him, for the glory of Erythnul. His name was Havok.

Now he adventured with a group of, well, idiots. He acknowledged his Chaotic Evil-ness, they didnt. The party consisted of a Human Monk (to this day hes still not sure how he remained one), an Assassin (this guy admitted his vileness, sorta), and a Half Orc Druid........... who sucked (yes it is apparently possible). Now these three would constantly get him in trouble, Havok was more than happy to ambush trader caravans or go slaughter orcs and take a bunch of money from weak villagers (hey, they were paying him) but those three ALWAYS did something dumb. Like the time they tried to burn down the inn, or the OTHER time they tried to burn down the inn. Well eventually a squad of paladins showed up to take Havok and the other three down. Havok ran. They called Havok a coward and a sissy, but Havok knew that you dont fight 6 heavily armored and MOUNTED paladins. Havok loved slaughter, just not when he was on the other side of it.

Eventually the other three realized that Havok was right and ran too. They split up out of town and the paladins split up to chase them down. Thats when Havok started to ambush them. It took awhile but he killed all the paladins, then he started to hunt the idiots, that didnt take as long. Just as he was finishing 3 more squads of paladins showed up. Havok knew he was going to see his lord today, so with a scream of "SLAUGHTER FOR THE SLAUGHTER GOD!!" he charged them, he killed six before they put him down.

And so ends the tale of Havok of the Red Axes, a cautionary tale to all Paladins. Just because he pings Chaotic Evil, it doesnt mean that he is an idiot.

[Oddman80]

Behold, the tale of Durk the Short-Lived:

Durk was a Dragonborn Barbarian. His story, much like so many others, began at a tavern/inn. Unlike many of those, however, his story also ended in the same, said tavern/inn.

While waiting for a contact to arrive and fill him in on that thing that was too dangerous to include in a letter, Durk sat alone and drank his ale. Shortly thereafter, a sneering, bitter-faced elf burst into the tavern, cursing one of the barmaids there. He slapped her, then grabbed her by her hair and dragged her against her will to a back room.

Durk was not a fan of violence against the innocent, and he had a bad habit of quickly deciding who was to receive such "innocent" designation.... Frequently before getting any facts.

Durk got up and followed that bully of an elf, hoping to "show him a thing or two"

When Durk got to the back room, he heard the sound of a door closing, but could not see any doors. He tried to recover the short term memory from when he first walked in the room, hoping that he could remember seeing anything that would give clue as to where the hidden door was. In so doing, he was pretty certain that, despite his low skill in "spot", he knew precisely where along the side wall the door must have been.

Going into Mad Rage, Durk charged the wall with his War Hammer and struck the precise spot he wanted with a critical bludgeoning blow. In that exact moment, Durk learned 3 things about himself

1) He would forever more be intoxicated by the sheer joy of obliterating things in his way.

2) He really should have spent a few skill points on Knowledge: Architecture/Engineering. As then maybe he would have remembered a tad bit sooner that "load bearing walls" were a thing.

3) Despite the higher Con score granted to him by being a Dragonborn, and the high HD of his class, he does not have the ability to survive a three story building collapsing directly on top of him.

So concludes the story of Durk the Short-Lived.

Interesting side note, the bitter elf was the only one in the building to survive. The barmaid would have as well had the elf not slit her throat upon making it to his private chamber. Its okay though- she totally deserved it, as it was her willing betrayal of him to an evil cult on the outskirts of town that had been the cause of his entire family's slaughter...

[Aegis013]

Many years ago, playing 3.0, before the release of 3.5, I created not-so-wise Wizard.

Youthful and adventurous, not-so-wise Wizard immediately set out to find adventure. He discovered an abandoned mage's laboratory. Sure to be a treasure trove of interesting secrets! What's that he spied? An unassuming treasure chest in the corner? What good fortune! He opened it up to obtain the nicknaks inside, but a dart did strike him square in the chest, dealing 4 damage and knocking this first level Wizard to 0 hp, the poison on the dart's tip took its toll, and not-so-wise Wizard was no more.

(Not quite as interesting, but I died like 5 minutes into the game... so meh)

[Kazudo]

The parable of He-Shek, Lo-Quek, Fil-Jek, and Lu-Puo.

All four were monks and belonged to separate orders. He-Shek belonged to the Wushin Order atop Mount Ichi, Lo-Quek belonged to the Hachikin Order atop Mount Nih, Fil-Jek belonged to the Jiushio Order atop Mount San, and Lu-Puo belonged to the Shinshiu Warriors atop Mount Shih.

The four of them were sent by their masters on a pilgrimage to the Jade Standing Stones, a revered holy place of all four orders who themselves were founded by four brothers who never agreed. The Standing Stones were placed to remind the four orders that they could not survive if not for the other three. And this is true. Each order provided a different service to the land beneath, which in turn provided the orders with sons to increase their numbers.

They met in one town which marked the crossroads between the four orders: Kazekami, the town built to honor the wind gods who founded the small nation. Within Kazekami stood an ancient noodle house, Jushi. The most delicious aroma filtered out of that place.

The first to arrive was He-Shek. The Wushin Order specialized in crops and agriculture. Therefore, he had the most comfortable clothing. He also rode a sled to the bottom of his mountain. As he sat, he meditated on the teachings of his masters.

The second to arrive was Lo-Quek. The Hachikin Order specialized in mining and ores, and thus he had the strongest muscles. He also rode a mining cart to get to the bottom of his mountain. As he entered, he sat aside He-Shek. The two spoke at length about their past.

The third to arrive was Fil-Jek. The Jiushio Order specialized in managing livestock, and thus he had the fastest feet. As he entered, the other two greeted him as an esteemed guest. While they spoke, they began to engineer a plan to ride to the Standing Stones together.

The last to arrive was Lu-Puo. The Shinshiu Warriors specialized in combat and the creation of idiots. Thus he got lost and forgot the way. As the other three were preparing to leave, Lu-Puo entered and ordered a drink for his friends and food for himself. They sat back down and began to attempt to include Lu-Puo in their plans as they began to suspect his moronic nature. He seemed lost when they asked him about his techniques and training. Then he spontaneously named himself leader of the group.

The other three did not agree. He requested that they fight to determine their skill. This led to a noodle-house brawl the likes of which have not been seen outside of the Wind Nation.

The first to fall was Fil-Jek. Try as he might, his refined grappling techniques were nothing against the oil that Lu-Puo had apparently and invisibly doused himself in before entering. The special kind of oil that didn't make one's skin glisten nor smell nor one's rear end fall from one's barstool. The second to fall was He-Shek. His agile, mobile techniques were confined within the noodle house whose walls changed from being made of wood to rice paper at places where he would put a step, causing him to fall out of the building many times off of cliffs which spontaneously fell in the ground. The final to fall was Lo-Quek, whose fierce strikes, devastating attacks and strong muscles were nothing compared to the purity of Lu-Puo's ability to have weaponry, oil, and enough magic to transmute the room around him, but still be considered in poverty.

The fight ended with one monk dead from falling from a cliff, one monk on fire running from the noodle shop, and one monk who grabbed up his character sheet, stomped off, and refused to play with a DM who would use Lu-Puo as his DMPC. :smallfurious:

[Jergmo]

I played a Halfling, once. His name was Amer Gustavo, he was a straight-classed, low-op rogue, and the dice were his playthings.

On multiple occasions, he killed archers with a single dart, out of initial range increment, killed an entire group of bandits by springing out of a barrel and performing acrobatic maneuvers across the battlefield using a merchant's wagon as cover, and when running to the rescue of a comely Halfling wench accosted by muggers, he sent the leader of the muggers into a coma by getting a critical hit sneak attack to his groin.

He also sent an entire town into chaos, and it all started with rolling a barrel into the local sheriff. All done at levels 1 and 2.

[sideswipe]

one of my friends in a low level seafarer campaign played a bard with no ranks in balance and acrobatic skills. but when the boat was attacked by a shark and we nearly killed it, to land the final blow he wanted to jump onto its back and ride it and stab it from there. failed jump and balance and ended up in the water. shark took him, and swam down.

poor him, he is always the first to die.