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Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:00 PM
Okay, here's the premise: Using the standard Wish rules, a PC asks for something. The DM determines an evil way to twist the wish into a negative for the player.

Example:

"I Wish For Immortality!"


"Okay. Everyone knows your name. You are written in the history books as a murderer of Good King Blahdeblah. Everyone hates you, but your name will be remembered forever."

Get it?

So, twist my wish:

I wish for the spellcasting abilities of a mighty wizard to be my own.

Matthew
2007-02-28, 05:02 PM
A mighty Wizard receives your Character Levels and loses his own. You become a Commoner 1. your own.]

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:05 PM
Good!

I wish to never die.

Ashes
2007-02-28, 05:08 PM
You don't die. You just age at an accelerated pace. Soon, you won't be able to move.

(Dull, I know, but I wanna see more)

Bryn
2007-02-28, 05:08 PM
Your Wish Granted With A Twist XXX (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=32174) in the SMBG section - um, this might be better off there...:smallwink:

Saph
2007-02-28, 05:08 PM
You are erased from existence. You were never born and thus can never die.

Permanent unbreakable imprisonment is an option, too.

- Saph

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:09 PM
I wish for the Hand of Vecna.

Jack Mann
2007-02-28, 05:09 PM
You never die. You are directly transformed into a being of pure spirit, and dragged into the abyss by horrible demons.

Shouldn't this be in Silly Message Board Games?

broderickdruce
2007-02-28, 05:10 PM
A Large Lich's hand comes out of the sky and crushes you. (You didn't specify WHICH hand)

Saph
2007-02-28, 05:10 PM
I wish for the Hand of Vecna.

It appears in front of you, attached to its current owner.

- Saph

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 05:10 PM
Good!

I wish to never die.

Wish granted!

I go back in time and kick your mother in the stomach, you gain the Stillborn Template!

Bears With Lasers
2007-02-28, 05:10 PM
The Hand of Vecna appears.

It pimp-slaps you and tells you to give it its money, honey.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:11 PM
I wish for the ability to heal all wounds at will.

Leadfeathermcc
2007-02-28, 05:11 PM
Good!

I wish to never die.

Your body ages, you live. When you turn 132 you are caught in a fire and burned badly, you live never fully healing. An accident at age 230 causes you to lose the four fingers on your left hand, you live. Down through the ages you lose various parts of you body. Eventually you lose your memory, you live. Your immortal body exists as no more than a shell of what you once were, but you live.


I wish that I knew the answer to every question

Saph
2007-02-28, 05:12 PM
I wish for the ability to heal all wounds at will.

You get the ability, but you take all wounds thus healed on yourself, turning you into the world's biggest damage sponge.

- Saph

Roethke
2007-02-28, 05:13 PM
Good!

I wish to never die.

Ooh. That one's easy.

We've got the aging forever = Not much fun problem, so just grant it.

Or, for those with slightly more dramatic flair, *Boom* You're undead.

Or, for the spiteful DM. *Poof* You're a demi-god. Hand me your character sheet.

I think I read somewhere that there are several single-celled organisms that can live indefinitely, given a food supply.

Here's one (without too much thought put into it)

I wish for the wealth equivalent of 1000 kings to be created in my vault

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:13 PM
I wish that I knew the answer to every question

You learn the dark hidden secrets of the universe, which cause you to go insane at their ramifications.

Wippit Guud
2007-02-28, 05:13 PM
I wish for the ability to heal all wounds at will.

You are instantly transported to the Temple of Will, a small wooden shack on top of the highest mountain on the continent. While at Will, you can heal all wounds.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:13 PM
I wish for the wealth equivalent of 1000 kings to be created in my vault

Every dragon in the world has just been robbed, and notes left saying where their loot is.

broderickdruce
2007-02-28, 05:14 PM
You get the ability, but you take all wounds (Two Fold) thus healed on yourself, turning you into the world's biggest damage sponge.

- Saph

Bold parenthesis mine.

Jack Mann
2007-02-28, 05:14 PM
I wish that I knew the answer to every question

You know the answers. Too bad you no longer know the questions.

Captain van der Decken
2007-02-28, 05:14 PM
I wish for the ability to heal all wounds at will.


Granted. Nothing changes, because you can do that already - just rest long enough.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 05:15 PM
I wish for the wealth equivalent of 1000 kings to be created in my vault

Your vault is filled with traps whose total construction value is equal to the wealth of 1000 kings. Happy birthday.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:15 PM
I wish to be more powerful than the gods.

Wippit Guud
2007-02-28, 05:16 PM
I wish for the wealth equivalent of 1000 kings to be created in my vault

Very well. You now have 250 decks of playing cards.

Ashes
2007-02-28, 05:17 PM
You learn the dark hidden secrets of the universe, which cause you to go insane at their ramifications.


Ooooooh! Cthulhu!


I wish for the wealth equivalent of 1000 kings to be created in my vaultYou get whatever 1000 kings in a vault what give you. I don't know what the going rate of a person is in D&D. The PHB doesn't mention it under adventuring equipment.


I wish to be more powerful than the gods.
You become like Azathoth. A gibbering, drooling, dumb-as-a-rock chunk of power.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:17 PM
Very well. You now have 250 decks of playing cards.

Nice. Very nice.

Roethke
2007-02-28, 05:17 PM
Your vault is filled with traps whose total construction value is equal to the wealth of 1000 kings. Happy birthday.


Awesome. This one I didn't see coming at all.

broderickdruce
2007-02-28, 05:17 PM
I wish for the wealth equivalent of 1000 kings to be created in my vault

Your vault is transported so that it encompases part of Tiamats horde, she's not too happy about that and good luck getting to it.

Leadfeathermcc
2007-02-28, 05:18 PM
I wish to be more powerful than the gods.

All the gods become 1st level commoners. The devils and demons, fearing your power hunt you down and kill you before you can to the same to them.

I wish for the ability to post faster than everyone else

Jack Mann
2007-02-28, 05:18 PM
I wish for the wealth equivalent of 1000 kings to be created in my vault

You have the exact amount needed to purchase the carbon, water, nitrogen, and other elements that could potentially compose 1,000 bodies (king-size).

Wippit Guud
2007-02-28, 05:18 PM
I wish to be more powerful than the gods.

You are turned into an alternate universe. You lose sentience, but you're more powerful than the gods.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 05:18 PM
I wish to be more powerful than the gods.


I rip your character sheet, roll up a new character, hand you my binder of notes and say, "So DM, what now?"

Mewtarthio
2007-02-28, 05:19 PM
I wish to be more powerful than the gods.

Wish granted. The gods all cease to exist. The universe is now run by the goddesses, who are none to happy about you destroying their immortal lovers.

barawn
2007-02-28, 05:19 PM
I wish for the wealth equivalent of 1000 kings to be created in my vault

A vast array of commoners, noblemen, soldiers, priests, judges, wheat, rice, and yes, gold, all suddenly appear in your vault.

The sound of thousands of swords being drawn echoes throughout the chamber, as they all wonder why they've been taken from their masters and shoved into a vault.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:19 PM
All the gods become 1st level commoners. The devils and demons, fearing your power hunt you down and kill you before you can to the same to them.

I wish for the ability to post faster than everyone else

Granted. The forum dies.

I wish to become a deity.

(Player actually pulled this one on me. I made him Larry, Demigod of Impotence)

Wippit Guud
2007-02-28, 05:20 PM
I wish for the ability to post faster than everyone else

You are registered on a forum with just yourself as a member.

LotharBot
2007-02-28, 05:20 PM
I wish for the wealth equivalent of 1000 kings to be created in my vault

You can go several directions with this:

1) "You didn't specify which kings"... give the wealth equivalent of, say, 1000 exiled kings. A thousand sets of torn and tattered royal clothes.

2) Actually put a thousand kings in the vault. Leave information in each of those kings' homelands pointing toward where the kings are.

3) Fill the vault with great riches... and leave it unlocked.

4) Put a portal in the vault that leads to a very, very, very large tract of land (possibly in some forsaken plane of suckness.) Because, of course, most kings' true wealth is in the lands they own.

broderickdruce
2007-02-28, 05:20 PM
I wish for the ability to post faster than everyone else

All other posters accounts get deleted, have fun playing by yourself.

Ashes
2007-02-28, 05:21 PM
I wish to become a deity.

(Player actually pulled this one on me. I made him Larry, Demigod of Impotence)

Dammit. The only real cool answer to this, is to make them into a really crappy god.

Wippit Guud
2007-02-28, 05:21 PM
Granted. The forum dies.

I wish to become a deity.


A tribe of 3 foot tall teddy bears begins to worship you.

Saph
2007-02-28, 05:22 PM
I wish to be more powerful than the gods.

Now you're starting to make them hard to twist . . . which means the consequences are going to be more fatal.

This one is going to depend on where you make it. If you make it on Faerun, you become the most powerful god on Toril. Unfortunately, you don't have a portfolio, which means your existence on top of all the gods, who have jobs to do, is a glitch in reality that needs to be fixed by the person in charge: Lord Ao. He erases you from existence, since there is no reason to allow you to keep your unearned position, removing your soul in the process. No coming back from this one.

- Saph

broderickdruce
2007-02-28, 05:22 PM
I wish to become a deity.



You become the god of hangovers (YAY books I've read), you always have such a great hangover you can't do anything.

Mewtarthio
2007-02-28, 05:23 PM
Granted. The forum dies.

I wish to become a deity.

(Player actually pulled this one on me. I made him Larry, Demigod of Impotence)

Granted. You become Vecna. Mind, body, and soul.

Maryring
2007-02-28, 05:23 PM
Hmm. Try my wish then.

I wish to be happy

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:24 PM
I wish to control the power of life and death.

broderickdruce
2007-02-28, 05:24 PM
I wish to be happy

You become a lvl 1 NPC clown.

Wippit Guud
2007-02-28, 05:24 PM
Hmm. Try my wish then.

I wish to be happy

You become permanently affected by Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Laughter.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:25 PM
Hmm. Try my wish then.

I wish to be happy

Granted. Your blood becomes utterly infused with Prozac, which, while making you happy, also puts you in a catatonic state.

Mewtarthio
2007-02-28, 05:25 PM
Hmm. Try my wish then.

I wish to be happy

Granted. You become incapable of feeling any emotion besides happiness, and are arbitrarily content at whatever occurs. You no longer have any incentive to work, play, or even eat and drink, and you starve to death in front of the Efreeti bottle with a stupid grin evermore plastered on your face.

Ashes
2007-02-28, 05:25 PM
I wish to control the power of life and death.

Your class changes to Cleric. The only spells you can cast are Cure and Inflict spells.

Saph
2007-02-28, 05:26 PM
I wish to be happy

You become permanently happy.

. . . What? I'm not going to bother to twist that one. Twisting's only fun if the player's trying to power-boost himself.

- Saph

broderickdruce
2007-02-28, 05:26 PM
I wish to control the power of life and death.
You become queen of an Ant colony.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 05:26 PM
I wish to be happy

You are lobotomized, they remove the offending portions of your brain. Now you are on life support and incapable of thought, all you can do is be happy.

Saph
2007-02-28, 05:26 PM
I wish to control the power of life and death.

You become pregnant.

- Saph

Wippit Guud
2007-02-28, 05:27 PM
I wish to control the power of life and death.

You are given a +2 defribulator, a gnomish invention created by connecting two wands of shocking grasp with a piece of string.

CLEAR!

Mewtarthio
2007-02-28, 05:27 PM
I wish to control the power of life and death.

Granted. Unfortunately, while you have the capability to control life and death, you lack the skills necessary to do so. Now it is impossible for anyone to be born or to die without your express approval. Life stagnates throughout the multiverse. The gods take it upon themselves to rectify this problem...

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:29 PM
I wish to be the ruler of [insert Kingdom here]

JoeFredBob
2007-02-28, 05:29 PM
I wish for the wealth equivalent of 1000 kings to be created in my vault

Valuable magical items, pieces of art, and piles of money disappear from the stores of powerful aristocrats, wizards, and kings all over the world, and appear in your vault.

broderickdruce
2007-02-28, 05:30 PM
I wish to be the ruler of [insert Kingdom here]

Congratulations, you are now 1 foot tall and made of wood, you also have well spaced markings along both sides of you. You also find yourself in a small dark place surrounded by quills and paperclips. Hurray for sentient rulers!

Ashes
2007-02-28, 05:31 PM
I wish to be the ruler of [insert Kingdom here]


You are. The rightful ruler, that is. Think "The Man in the Iron Mask".

Saph
2007-02-28, 05:32 PM
I wish to be the ruler of [insert Kingdom here]

You gain a title deed testifying that you are, in fact, the ruler of Insert Kingdom Here, and a proclamation is made to everybody announcing this.

Pity about the king, army, and existing government, all of which are now very upset with you. Still, you could always explain nicely to them that they should step down and let you take over - maybe they'll say yes.

- Saph

LotharBot
2007-02-28, 05:33 PM
You become a lvl 1 NPC clown.

LOL, beat me to it.


I wish to become a deity.Hi there, banjo


I wish to control the power of life and death.You can now cast the level 0 cure and inflict spells a certain number of times per day. (For the price of a wish, I might throw you a bone and make it a fairly high number.)


I wish to be more powerful than the gods.Congratulations, your name is now "supernova"...


I wish to be the ruler of [insert Kingdom here]

You are now the official length-measuring device of [kingdom]!

(If you had said "to rule", I'd have made you a land surveyor and handed you a laser sight...)

Mewtarthio
2007-02-28, 05:36 PM
I wish for the Tarrasque to obey my every desire.

broderickdruce
2007-02-28, 05:37 PM
You are now the official length-measuring device of [kingdom]!

(If you had said "to rule", I'd have made you a land surveyor and handed you a laser sight...)

Ha, beat you to it again! The Day Is Mine!

Ashes
2007-02-28, 05:38 PM
I wish for the Tarrasque to obey my every desire.

Your every desire is now to sleep and rampage.

Saph
2007-02-28, 05:38 PM
I wish for the Tarrasque to obey my every desire.

Ooh, nasty subconscious urges you turn out to have there. You really wanted it to do THAT? Looks like the rest of the world is going to have to kill you for their own safety, double quick.

- Saph

broderickdruce
2007-02-28, 05:39 PM
I wish for the Tarrasque to obey my every desire.

This one I will allow, but of course the tarrasque always gets there first and does it before you get a chance to act. This includes eating, sleeping, drinking, and any form or gathering XP. After a short period you die of starvation, dehydration and lack of sleep..

Wippit Guud
2007-02-28, 05:40 PM
I wish for the Tarrasque to obey my every desire.

You have a sudden thought about sex, and...

bow chicka bow wow...

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 05:40 PM
I wish for the Tarrasque to obey my every desire.

It does.

Roll initiative, a swarm of Allips the size of which the gods themselves never intended is heading straight for you with a halfling wizard at the rear laughing maniacally.

NullAshton
2007-02-28, 05:43 PM
A four way simuninja... now THERE is something I've never seen before.

Sardia
2007-02-28, 05:44 PM
I wish to be the ruler of [insert Kingdom here]
I'd grant this one, as asked, without a second thought and my pity on the player. This is essentially the player jumping into a big pile of sharp, pointy, plot hooks and rolling around.
The player's the new monarch...and have just inherited many, many plots and problems of which they know nothing, surrounded by advisors they can't necessarily trust, and burdened with actually having to run the kingdom or see it go to hell.
Picture Cerebus becoming Pope.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:45 PM
I wish for the Tarrasque to obey my every desire.

Granted. However, you also lose higher thought and are reduced to an instinctual beast.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:46 PM
I wish to be able to change shape at will.

Ashes
2007-02-28, 05:47 PM
I wish to be able to change shape at will.


Again, I invoke Azathoth. You change shape constantly (if we take "at will" to mean, as it does in D&D, "with no restrictions on how often").

brian c
2007-02-28, 05:47 PM
I wish to be able to change shape at will.

Your bones disappear

or: You are now a jellyfish.

Morty
2007-02-28, 05:48 PM
I wish to be able to change shape at will.

Sure thing. Every time you think about something, you turn into it.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 05:48 PM
I wish to be able to change shape at will.


You gain the ability to change into a brick at will as a free action. I wouldn't suggest using this ability though because bricks aren't sentient and you'll have no way to change back even if you somehow cease being mindless.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 05:49 PM
Your bones disappear

or: You are now a jellyfish.

Rofl.... "IWISHIHADNOBONES"

Morty
2007-02-28, 05:49 PM
I wish to have a library containing every spell ever designed.

Ashes
2007-02-28, 05:51 PM
I wish to have a library containing every spell ever designed.

The DM hands you the Spell Compendium.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 05:52 PM
I want to have a library containing every spell ever designed.

Are living spells ok? :smallbiggrin:

Sardia
2007-02-28, 05:53 PM
I wish to have a library containing every spell ever designed.

You have it. Now Boccob wants it back.

Tomb Mote Ninja
2007-02-28, 05:53 PM
I wish for the wealth equivalent of 1000 kings to be created in my vault

A massive counterfeiting operation appears in your vault. The next day the king and his army appear on your doorstep. Good luck.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:54 PM
I wish to have a library containing every spell ever designed.

You have it. Unfortunately, it is unorganized, unindexed, and haunted.

nivek1234
2007-02-28, 05:57 PM
Granted. Anyone who enters the library simultaneously has EVERY spell cast onto them.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 05:58 PM
Harder, you say?

I wish to have all the power that you, the Genie, currently have now, keeping my current mind and mental state, but without being restricted by having to give other people wishes or any other restrictions that you, to the best of your knowledge of me, would realize that I would find restrictive.

goat
2007-02-28, 05:58 PM
I wish to have a library containing every spell ever designed.

A large stone building appears.

3 foot above your head.

nivek1234
2007-02-28, 05:58 PM
I wish to be immune to spells

martyboy74
2007-02-28, 06:00 PM
That includes this spell. You create a universe-destroying paradox. Congratz.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:01 PM
I wish to be immune to spells

You are immune to spells. However, you are also struck by nonmagical lightning.

goat
2007-02-28, 06:03 PM
Do self-contradictory wishes work?

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:03 PM
Heh. Let's find out. I wish I never wished this wish.

Ashes
2007-02-28, 06:04 PM
Heh. Let's find out. I wish I never wished this wish.

You didn't. Nothing Happens.

Nazi wishes sneer at paradoxes.


Harder, you say?

I wish to have all the power that you, the Genie, currently have now, keeping my current mind and mental state, but without being restricted by having to give other people wishes or any other restrictions that you, to the best of your knowledge of me, would realize that I would find restrictive.

The Genie: Stop screwing around. You kids screw around too much.

Mewtarthio
2007-02-28, 06:06 PM
Harder, you say?

I wish to have all the power that you, the Genie, currently have now, keeping my current mind and mental state, but without being restricted by having to give other people wishes or any other restrictions that you, to the best of your knowledge of me, would realize that I would find restrictive.

Granted. You now have the power to post on internet forums and make up things in response to other people making up wishes.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:06 PM
I wish to have all the power that you, the Genie, currently have now, keeping my current mind and mental state, but without being restricted by having to give other people wishes or any other restrictions that you, to the best of your knowledge of me, would realize that I would find restrictive.

Granted. The genie, being immortal, doesn't find extreme aging effects to be restrictive.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:07 PM
Granted. You now have the power to post on internet forums and make up things in response to other people making up wishes.

Meta ftw.

I wish for everyone to swear fealty to me.

Zincorium
2007-02-28, 06:08 PM
I wish to be immune to spells

You are now a golem. Non-sentient, and since no one programmed you, doing absolutely nothing. You do however have the Immunity To Magic special quality.


Harder, you say?

I wish to have all the power that you, the Genie, currently have now, keeping my current mind and mental state, but without being restricted by having to give other people wishes or any other restrictions that you, to the best of your knowledge of me, would realize that I would find restrictive.

By Genie you are talking about an efreeti or djinn, right? In that case, you lose all your class levels and instead gain the powers of the genie you summoned. The genie, who is now you, decides that, as he is now the caster of the summoning spell which brought him here, dismisses you back to the elemental plane of fire/air whatever (gods help you if you're in the habit of summoning Dao or Marids). Where you are just another genie.


Meta ftw.

I wish for everyone to swear fealty to me.

They do. However, suddenly everyone becomes an oath-breaker as well. But the wish neglects you let you know that.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 06:11 PM
Harder, you say?

I wish to have all the power that you, the Genie, currently have now, keeping my current mind and mental state, but without being restricted by having to give other people wishes or any other restrictions that you, to the best of your knowledge of me, would realize that I would find restrictive.

Your mind freezes in it's moment of triumph at having outsmarted the genie and gaining infinite wishes. They set you in the same ward as that lobotomized person from earlier. Good thing you're permanently brain-frozen or you might think this a bit too restrictive.

Prince_of_Blades
2007-02-28, 06:11 PM
I wish for everyone to swear fealty to me.

Granted. Everyone swears fealty to you. However, the universe seems to have a lot of oathbreakers.

Ashes
2007-02-28, 06:12 PM
I wish for everyone to swear fealty to me.

They do. Everybody also turn chaotic, Belkar-style.

EDIT: Triple-simu. We're all ninjas in this thread.

daggaz
2007-02-28, 06:12 PM
Nobody did this one yet??

Well then.. *ahem* I wish for more wishes!!!

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:12 PM
I wish to command the gods.

nivek1234
2007-02-28, 06:12 PM
Nobody did this one yet??

Well then.. *ahem* I wish for more wishes!!!

You now lost 5000 XP, but can use wish again. What's your wish?

Aquillion
2007-02-28, 06:13 PM
Harder, you say?

I wish to have all the power that you, the Genie, currently have now, keeping my current mind and mental state, but without being restricted by having to give other people wishes or any other restrictions that you, to the best of your knowledge of me, would realize that I would find restrictive.Granted. Every internal restriction on your behavior, of any sort, is removed. Your superego is utterly destroyed, turning you into a psychopath who does anything that comes into his head. You actually enjoy this; the thought of having your old restrictions is horrible to you. Oh, and I hope you aren't a class limited to non-chaotic. Although it doesn't really matter anyway, since you'd probably be a DM-controlled NPC after that in any case.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:13 PM
Nobody did this one yet??

Well then.. *ahem* I wish for more wishes!!!

Granted. You are a creature that grants Wish as Supernatural ability. Too bad you can't fulfull you own wishes.

Fronko
2007-02-28, 06:14 PM
I wish for someone to come by and hand me an amount of gold coins that I would consider sufficient to spend the rest of my life in splendor without said person expecting anything in return.


And:


I wish for a perfectly worded wish that grants me all I ever wanted without ever being twisted by even the most ill-wishing entity that might want to screw this wish up.

And finally:

I wish to live in perfect harmony and happiness to my judgement with all people I love for at least the next 40 years, only to pass away in a painless death of natural cause.

Make my day. ;)

nivek1234
2007-02-28, 06:15 PM
I wish to command the gods.

The gods ignore you when you do.

Zincorium
2007-02-28, 06:15 PM
I wish to command the gods.

You command them, oh you command them mightily. But it probably would have been a good idea to have something about obeying in the wish.

LotharBot
2007-02-28, 06:15 PM
I wish to command the gods.

The gods say: "state your command."

[you respond.]

The gods say "how bout, NO!" and pwn you.

Ashes
2007-02-28, 06:16 PM
I wish for someone to come by and hand me an amount of gold coins that I would consider sufficient to spend the rest of my life in splendor without said person expecting anything in return.


A guy gives you a lot of gold. Problem is, this guy is a lot more powerful than you, and he does not expect something in return. He demands something in return.


Nobody did this one yet??

Well then.. *ahem* I wish for more wishes!!!

You become a 17th-level wizard, with Wish in his spell book, in place of what you were before.
Now, this isn't necessesarily a bad wish. Just hope you got that 19 int.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:17 PM
I wish for someone to come by and hand me an amount of gold coins that I would consider sufficient to spend the rest of my life in splendor without said person expecting anything in return.

Granted. Too bad the person who gave them to you didn't possess those gold to begin with. Now the dragon he took them from is rather peeved, and wants his cash back.

martyboy74
2007-02-28, 06:17 PM
Ooh! I know the answer! Partner up with someone and split the money!

nivek1234
2007-02-28, 06:17 PM
I wish for someone to come by and hand me an amount of gold coins that I would consider sufficient to spend the rest of my life in splendor without said person expecting anything in return.

Yes, but the person he stole it from does.

LotharBot
2007-02-28, 06:18 PM
I wish for someone to come by and hand me an amount of gold coins that I would consider sufficient to spend the rest of my life in splendor without said person expecting anything in return.

Someone walks by and hands you one gold coin, saying "that ought to be enough for you to live in splendor for the rest of your life."

You failed to notice contact poison on the coin, or the approaching assassin, or the approaching tarrasque, or the approaching city bus...

blackfox
2007-02-28, 06:19 PM
I wish to have all the power that you, the Genie, currently have now, keeping my current mind and mental state, but without being restricted by having to give other people wishes or any other restrictions that you, to the best of your knowledge of me, would realize that I would find restrictive.*stabs self in heart* Gr--granted...

brian c
2007-02-28, 06:19 PM
I wish to command the gods.

You do, but they don't listen

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:20 PM
I wish for the ability to mechanically create whatever I desire.

blackfox
2007-02-28, 06:21 PM
I wish for everyone to swear fealty to me.Granted, but everyone hates you, and everyone is now a CR 20 Rogue/Assassin.

Jack_Simth
2007-02-28, 06:21 PM
Wish granted. The gods all cease to exist. The universe is now run by the goddesses, who are none to happy about you destroying their immortal lovers.No, no no... the gods all become goddesses, rectify the situation, and then rectify the wisher.


Harder, you say?

I wish to have all the power that you, the Genie, currently have now, keeping my current mind and mental state, but without being restricted by having to give other people wishes or any other restrictions that you, to the best of your knowledge of me, would realize that I would find restrictive.

You have it. Already. By having the genie serve your will, for "now" - which passes, releasing the Genie.

I wish that without anything I would currently consider bad if I knew about it happening those wanting me dead would die.

martyboy74
2007-02-28, 06:23 PM
I wish for the ability to mechanically create whatever I desire.
You're now a Formian worker. Hand over the character sheet.

brian c
2007-02-28, 06:23 PM
I wish for the ability to mechanically create whatever I desire.

Granted, however all you really desire now is an erector set.

LotharBot
2007-02-28, 06:23 PM
I wish that without anything I would currently consider bad if I knew about it happening those wanting me dead would die.

They all die, and come back as liches.

brian c
2007-02-28, 06:24 PM
I wish that without anything I would currently consider bad if I knew about it happening those wanting me dead would die.

Any enemies you have who had been immortal are no longer immortal. Wish granted, eventually...

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:25 PM
I wish that without anything I would currently consider bad if I knew about it happening those wanting me dead would die.

Granted. Unfortunately, the god of death wants you dead too, and now he's dead. Now the rest of the pantheon, scared of your unforeseen power, kills you outright.

blackfox
2007-02-28, 06:25 PM
I wish for someone to come by and hand me an amount of gold coins that I would consider sufficient to spend the rest of my life in splendor without said person expecting anything in return.Granted. After handing you the coins, the person shoots you.


I wish for a perfectly worded wish that grants me all I ever wanted without ever being twisted by even the most ill-wishing entity that might want to screw this wish up.Granted, but now all you want is a ton of stinking tuna fish dropped on your head.


I wish to live in perfect harmony and happiness to my judgement with all people I love for at least the next 40 years, only to pass away in a painless death of natural cause.Granted. After your death, the world will explode, disrupting the orbits of several other planets and causing them to veer into the sun, which will cause all sorts of disturbances and supernovas. Congratulations, you just destabilized the fabric of the universe.

I wish that without anything I would currently consider bad if I knew about it happening those wanting me dead would die.Granted. You now consider world peace 'bad.'

Alright, it's my turn now:
I wish I could insert my own thoughts over those of other people at will.

nivek1234
2007-02-28, 06:25 PM
I wish for the ability to mechanically create whatever I desire.

You are put in a coma and have no thoughts.


I wish that without anything I would currently consider bad if I knew about it happening those wanting me dead would die.

For every enemy that dies in this manner, so does a friend/ally.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:29 PM
I wish for a pizza.

Ashes
2007-02-28, 06:30 PM
I wish for a pizza.

The pizza has tuna, shrimp and pineapple on it.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:31 PM
The pizza has tuna, shrimp and pineapple on it.

Gah! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-*gasp*-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lemur
2007-02-28, 06:31 PM
I wish I knew everything there ever was, is, and ever will be, while simultaneously retaining my sanity.

Jade_Tarem
2007-02-28, 06:32 PM
I wish for a pizza.

Um... I might just grant that wish in the manner in which it was intended, but for the purposes of twisting it:

"A shadow falls across the land. The last thing you see as you look up in horror is 6,000 pounds of flat cylindrical dough falling towards you. That's not counting the toppings."

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:32 PM
I wish to be the luckiest man alive.

blackfox
2007-02-28, 06:32 PM
I wish for a pizza.Granted. One poison pizza coming up. What do you mean, you don't want a poison pizza? I didn't say 'poison!' 'Poisson' is French for 'fish.' Bloody ungrateful adventurers.

I wish to be the luckiest man alive.Granted. You're lucky enough to fall off a 200-foot cliff over hard rock. What? Not all luck is good luck.

Leadfeathermcc
2007-02-28, 06:32 PM
I wish for a pizza.

The world of high magic you live in is destroyed and the modern world as we know it is remade around you.

Your life as an adventurer is no more, instead you are delivery driver for the local pizzeria. At the end of the night you get free leftovers.

Everynight you cry yourself to sleep thinking about the world you lost.

Ashes
2007-02-28, 06:34 PM
I wish I knew everything there ever was, is, and ever will be, while simultaneously retaining my sanity.


You know everything. You find it's really boring. Like R.E.A.L.L.Y. boring.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:34 PM
I wish I knew everything there ever was, is, and ever will be, while simultaneously retaining my sanity.

Granted, or at least you knew, but that blow to the back of the head gave you amnesia and you can't recall any of it.

nivek1234
2007-02-28, 06:35 PM
The pizza has tuna, shrimp and pineapple on it.

Sounds tasty.

Jade_Tarem
2007-02-28, 06:35 PM
I wish I knew everything there ever was, is, and ever will be, while simultaneously retaining my sanity.

Aphrodite and Ares (turns out those gods really do exist!) don't like you looking in on thier "private" engagements. Your encyclopedic knowledge of history does not reveal a strategem for dealing with thier ire in the 3.6 seconds it takes for them to annihilate you.

Ashes
2007-02-28, 06:36 PM
I wish to be the luckiest man alive.

You die. No more of the World's pain and suffering for you. Now isn't that lucky?

I was thinking of something along the lines of "You become a halfling" because of their Luck bonus thing, but it didn't really work out.


Sounds tasty.

It does not! ;p

Jade_Tarem
2007-02-28, 06:37 PM
I wish to be the luckiest man alive.

Congrats. All your luck is now bad. Triple-fumble bad. That's a lot of luck.

nivek1234
2007-02-28, 06:37 PM
I wish to be the luckiest man alive.

Everyone else is now female, but they all shun you.

Jack_Simth
2007-02-28, 06:37 PM
I wish to be the luckiest man alive.
Every other man in the universe is rendered one or more of:
A) Female
B) Undead
C) Too non-humanoid to be considered a "man"
D) Too young to be considered a "man"

Then, With no more yardstick for measuring "luckiest" you become powerfully unlucky, and the DM torments your character forever and ever with assorted "random" accidents.

Prince_of_Blades
2007-02-28, 06:39 PM
I wish to be the luckiest man alive.
Every other man in the universe seems to not be as lucky as you. However, your luck does not change.

Jade_Tarem
2007-02-28, 06:40 PM
I wish to become a god.

Jothki
2007-02-28, 06:41 PM
I wish to be able to change shape at will.

As much as this goes against the purpose of the thread, wouldn't that be a perfectly legitimate wish, especially since a duration wasn't specified?

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:42 PM
I wish to become a god.

Granted. You are now the God of Impotence.

Lemur
2007-02-28, 06:42 PM
I'm interested in seeing how an already twisted wish can be twisted:

I wish I had an iron spike jammed in my eye.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:42 PM
As much as this goes against the purpose of the thread, wouldn't that be a perfectly legitimate wish, especially since a duration wasn't specified?

Well, yes.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:43 PM
I'm interested in seeing how an already twisted wish can be twisted:

I wish I had an iron spike jammed in my eye.

Granted. The iron spike is also poisoned.

blackfox
2007-02-28, 06:43 PM
I wish to become a god.Granted. You are now the god of Incontinence and Colon Problems.

Prince_of_Blades
2007-02-28, 06:44 PM
I wish that this wish will go catastrophically wrong.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 06:45 PM
I wish you wouldn't grant this wish.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 06:46 PM
I wish that this wish will go catastrophically wrong.

The genie gives you a PBJ sammich and smiles pleasantly.

blackfox
2007-02-28, 06:46 PM
I wish that this wish will go catastrophically wrong.Granted. Nothing happens.

I wish you wouldn't grant this wish.Ha. You just wasted 5000 XP. Loser. *goes away*

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:47 PM
I wish you wouldn't grant this wish.

The genie explodes due to a logical error.

Eldan
2007-02-28, 06:50 PM
I wish I had an iron spike jammed in my eye.

Sure. An iron spike of microscopic proportions is jammed into your eye. It's so small that you don't feel anything and don't have any damage dealt to your eye.
That's twisted! You totally didn't get what you wanted! Haha!:smallbiggrin:

Jack_Simth
2007-02-28, 06:51 PM
I Wish a Mod would move this thread to the silly message board games forum.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 06:52 PM
I Wish a Mod would move this thread to the silly message board games forum.

It would be hilarious if they did it while replying, "Granted, but they then ban you for telling them how to do their job."

daggaz
2007-02-28, 06:54 PM
Why move this to silly message forum? It is totally DnD related, and I am getting great ideas as to what to do when a player actually uses wish like this..

AmoDman
2007-02-28, 06:55 PM
I Wish a Mod would move this thread to the silly message board games forum.

Since these wishes are case sensitive the thread temporarily moves into a null space that doesn't exist on the internet and then comes back to where it started, slapping you in the face.

p.s. Though Vertigo's idea was the best.

NullAshton
2007-02-28, 06:56 PM
I wish to know the exact value of pi, and not be driven insane or die because of it.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:56 PM
Since these wishes are case sensitive the thread temporarily moves into a null space that doesn't exist on the internet and then comes back to where it started, slapping you in the face.

p.s. Though Vertigo's idea was the best.

*Indicates the irony in your username.*

I wish I were a great inventor.

Prince_of_Blades
2007-02-28, 06:57 PM
I wish that the syntax of this wish would be that used by a lawyer to the ends of granting me nothing but eternal youth while simultaneously granting the lawyer a Limited Wish as compensation for his services.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:57 PM
I wish to know the exact value of pi, and not be driven insane or die because of it.

Granted. You are now the universe's most advanced calculator. In fact, you're no longer sentient, and are actually the Plane of Mechanus. So that's what they're calculating.

ExHunterEmerald
2007-02-28, 06:58 PM
*Indicates the irony in your username.*

I wish I were a great inventor.

Time collapses in on itself and rewrites. Congratulations. You just smithed the first Greatsword in all history.

I wish for a peaceful eight-hour rest.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 06:58 PM
Why move this to silly message forum? It is totally DnD related, and I am getting great ideas as to what to do when a player actually uses wish like this..

I agree, every DM worth their weight in kobolds needs to be able to properly kill a player who Wishes for even the most insignificant thing.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 06:59 PM
I wish that the syntax of this wish would be that used by a lawyer to the ends of granting me nothing but eternal youth while simultaneously granting the lawyer a Limited Wish as compensation for his services.

Granted. The lawyer uses his limited wish to force you to fail your next save, and casts slay living on you.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 07:00 PM
Time collapses in on itself and rewrites. Congratulations. You just smithed the first Greatsword in all history.

I wish for a peaceful eight-hour rest.

Granted. However, you are struck with incurable insomnia afterwards.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 07:02 PM
I wish that the syntax of this wish would be that used by a lawyer to the ends of granting me nothing but eternal youth while simultaneously granting the lawyer a Limited Wish as compensation for his services.


Wish granted, next time you get the opportunity to make a Wish you're fully prepared. Also the lawyer uses his wish perfectly and suffers no ill effects other than getting a bug in his throat when he laughs at you.

nivek1234
2007-02-28, 07:05 PM
I wish to know the exact value of pi, and not be driven insane or die because of it.

Granted, but you must recite its exact value when requested. What is the exact value of pi?


I wish that the syntax of this wish would be that used by a lawyer to the ends of granting me nothing but eternal youth while simultaneously granting the lawyer a Limited Wish as compensation for his services.

You are transformed into a baby who never ages. The lawyer is very pleased.



I wish for a peaceful eight-hour rest.
You wake up as you are assassinated.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 07:08 PM
I wish for the ability to cast gate at will for no cost.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 07:12 PM
I wish for the ability to cast gate at will for no cost.

All of your gates lead to the other side of the opening so you exit right where you'd be if you had just walked.

Tengu
2007-02-28, 07:14 PM
Granted, you can cast Gate at anyone who's named Will. Once, ever.

I wish nobody would play DND anymore. *ducks*

ExHunterEmerald
2007-02-28, 07:16 PM
Granted. However, you are struck with incurable insomnia afterwards.

"Afterwards?" Why d'you think I wished for it in the first place?

Alright then, let's try...
I wish for world peace, even if it must come at the cost of my own life or happiness.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 07:19 PM
I wish nobody would play DND anymore.

The genie kneels down to look you square in the eye and says, "People play games. This isn't a game, it's a way of life."

Luircin
2007-02-28, 07:20 PM
"I wish I was the luckiest man alive."

You are now a Bard/Fortune's Friend. All your feats are now luck feats. The only spells you know are those that manipulate chance. All your gear disappears and is replaced with a luck blade with no wishes and a stone of good luck. You may no longer take any feats but luck feats.


I wish I wasn't being eaten by a dragon!

Prince_of_Blades
2007-02-28, 07:20 PM
"Afterwards?" Why d'you think I wished for it in the first place?

Alright then, let's try...
I wish for world peace, even if it must come at the cost of my own life or happiness.
You recieve "World Peas", unique peas of which only one individual variety exists on any given world. Other than their scarcity, they have no special properties.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 07:22 PM
I wish for world peace, even if it must come at the cost of my own life or happiness.


You are now the LE dictator of the world. All free will is crushed under your iron rule and the world stagnates as mindless automatons work in perfect harmony for the 'greater good'.

Luircin
2007-02-28, 07:22 PM
"Afterwards?" Why d'you think I wished for it in the first place?

Alright then, let's try...
I wish for world peace, even if it must come at the cost of my own life or happiness.

Granted. Everyone in the world dies. Peacefully.

Granted. Primus dominates the Material Plane and everyone on it.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 07:23 PM
I wish I wasn't being eaten by a dragon!


Good news! It's a Tarrasque!

brian c
2007-02-28, 07:25 PM
I wish I knew everything there ever was, is, and ever will be, while simultaneously retaining my sanity.

You are still sane and all knowing, but you are now mute, blind, deaf and paralyzed. Have fun.

wowy319
2007-02-28, 07:26 PM
I wish I were a great inventor.

Arright. You gain the ability to make torture machines and seige engines like no other. shortly after selling them, your kingdom is reduced to rubble by the machines you invented, and you are tortured into drooling insanity by your own machines.

or

all of the things you create animate and tear you limb from limb.

Luircin
2007-02-28, 07:27 PM
I wish for the ability to cast gate at will for no cost.


Sure, but the only thing you can gate in are lemures. And their bosses aren't too happy about their playthings going missing...

I wish that this wish would imitate the spell finger of death at the evil abberation which I am thinking about at this moment.

brian c
2007-02-28, 07:28 PM
I'm interested in seeing how an already twisted wish can be twisted:

I wish I had an iron spike jammed in my eye.

Granted, it replaces the wooden one.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 07:29 PM
I wish that this wish would imitate the spell finger of death at the evil abberation which I am thinking about at this moment.

The genie points at your brain and fires.

wowy319
2007-02-28, 07:30 PM
I wish for someone to come by and hand me an amount of gold coins that I would consider sufficient to spend the rest of my life in splendor without said person expecting anything in return.

Okay. However, they belonged to a lawful evil military dictator. Start running, buddy.

Krimm_Blackleaf
2007-02-28, 07:32 PM
Granted, you can cast Gate at anyone who's named Will. Once, ever.

I wish nobody would play DND anymore. *ducks*

Sweet! My name's Will!

As for the wish. No one plays DND, this thread ceases to exist and your question is never answered. You can't sleep because the question haunts you at night and you eventually kill yourself in a fit of agonizing mystery.

Lemur
2007-02-28, 07:33 PM
I wish to know the exact value of pi, and not be driven insane or die because of it.
Granted, but since the wish is uttered verbally, you now know exactly how much every individual is willing to pay for every single variety and size of pie in existence. Which is actually probably more useful than what you asked for.


I wish nobody would play DND anymore. *ducks*

Granted. Now they play Vampire: The Masquerade. In your house.

wowy319
2007-02-28, 07:33 PM
I wish for everyone to swear fealty to me.

They swear loyalty to you, but not each other. Each of the races and factions believe that they alone have the right to be ruled by you, and tear each other to bloody scraps in a massive war for your favor.

Avicenex
2007-02-28, 07:35 PM
I wish to know the exact value of pi, and not be driven insane or die because of it.

Granted. You are perfectly sane, but now your brain no longer has the capacity to fit any new information.
or
Pie costs 4 sp universally. Edit: <--ninja'd

I wish I knew how much wood a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck as much wood it could chuck only if it did chuck as much wood as it would chuck and could chuck, and therefore would chuck because it could chuck that much wood and would chuck that much wood because otherwise it could not chuck that much wood.

wowy319
2007-02-28, 07:36 PM
I wish to control the power of life and death.

very well. you become the servant of Nerull, bound to his whims of which followers can live or die. basically, you're the grim reaper. Hand over the character sheet.

wowy319
2007-02-28, 07:37 PM
I wish I knew how much wood a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck as much wood it could chuck only if it did chuck as much wood as it would chuck and could chuck, and therefore would chuck because it could chuck that much wood and would chuck that much wood because otherwise it could not chuck that much wood.

Okay. you find out the answer, but the first person you tell hates tongue-twisters and kills you.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 07:39 PM
I wish I knew how much wood a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck as much wood it could chuck only if it did chuck as much wood as it would chuck and could chuck, and therefore would chuck because it could chuck that much wood and would chuck that much wood because otherwise it could not chuck that much wood.


The genie kneels down and says, "Password Accepted."

Shortly afterwards his chest cavity opens into cockpit with a pilot's suit folded neatly in the seat.

wowy319
2007-02-28, 07:40 PM
I wish to find true love

Lemur
2007-02-28, 07:41 PM
I wish I knew how much wood a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck as much wood it could chuck only if it did chuck as much wood as it would chuck and could chuck, and therefore would chuck because it could chuck that much wood and would chuck that much wood because otherwise it could not chuck that much wood.


A paragon woodchuck appears and begins chucking a considerable amount of wood at you.

Edit: Option 2: You know the answer now, but the knowledge drives you sane.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 07:43 PM
I wish to find true love

You are shown a vision of two old people sitting together at the edge of a bluff overlooking a warm sea and a beautiful sunset. Neither of them are you.

ExHunterEmerald
2007-02-28, 07:44 PM
I wish to find true love

An elderly couple walks by, holding hands.

I wish for ten billion United States dollars, all genuine, not taken from anyone, anything, or anywhere, in a simple nonmagical leather bag at my feet.

brian c
2007-02-28, 07:44 PM
Time collapses in on itself and rewrites. Congratulations. You just smithed the first Greatsword in all history.

I wish for a peaceful eight-hour rest.

You die. A cleric casts True Resurrection on you 8 hours later, then bills you for the diamonds and labor cost: 50,000 gp

mikeejimbo
2007-02-28, 07:45 PM
I wish to know the exact value of pi, and not be driven insane or die because of it.

Granted. Pi is redefined as 3.


I wish for ten billion United States dollars, all genuine, not taken from anyone, anything, or anywhere, in a simple nonmagical leather bag at my feet.

Granted. Your feet are now in Kyrnn, where said money is useless.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 07:48 PM
I wish for ten billion United States dollars, all genuine, not taken from anyone, anything, or anywhere, in a simple nonmagical leather bag at my feet.


You get a massive amount of paper, it's only worth an equal amount of tinder because the U.S. doesnt exist in this setting.

brian c
2007-02-28, 07:49 PM
An elderly couple walks by, holding hands.

I wish for ten billion United States dollars, all genuine, not taken from anyone, anything, or anywhere, in a simple nonmagical leather bag at my feet.

Granted, however: your bills are not taken from anywhere or anything, so there is no way for you to prove that they genuine, even though they are. Go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200

ExHunterEmerald
2007-02-28, 07:51 PM
I wish to be a master swordsman.

Bonus wish:

I wish to die for my beliefs.

Extra bonus wish!

I wish to be of the Chaotic Good alignment.

Luircin
2007-02-28, 07:54 PM
An elderly couple walks by, holding hands.

I wish for ten billion United States dollars, all genuine, not taken from anyone, anything, or anywhere, in a simple nonmagical leather bag at my feet.

You get ten billion dollars, all of which have been degraded beyond recognizability by the ravages of time.

You get ten billion dollars. The inflation rate becomes three-hundred-sixty-five-trillion percent, which makes your new money worth the equivilant of $1, yesterday.

I wish to be told if my math in my previous answer is mistaken, and what the right percentage is if I AM mistaken.

martyboy74
2007-02-28, 07:55 PM
I wish to be a master swordsman.

Bonus wish:

I wish to die for my beliefs.

Extra bonus wish!

I wish to be of the Chaotic Good alignment.

Granted. Every hates you because you're a Drizz't clone and a Lawful Evil person kills you.

Roderick_BR
2007-02-28, 07:58 PM
I wish for someone to come by and hand me an amount of gold coins that I would consider sufficient to spend the rest of my life in splendor without said person expecting anything in return.



Make my day. ;)

Granted. Someone came in and give you a single gold coin, since you suddenly decided you'd become a poor monk (a non-DnD monk) and live in solitude in the mountains.

Hmm... what to wish for...
I wish I to be more powerful than most powerful living warrior in the world, at his highest power level ever.

Prince_of_Blades
2007-02-28, 08:01 PM
I wish to find true love
"Ah yes, True Love is certainly the most noblest of all causes, except for perhaps a nice MLT, when the mutton is just right and the tomato is nice and ripe. But that is not what he said, what he said was 'To blathe' which means 'To bluff' so, you were players cards with him and now he owes you some money."

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 08:03 PM
I wish I to be more powerful than most powerful living warrior in the world, at his highest power level ever.

Granted, to do so you are given multiple levels in warhulk and are dumber than a bag of hammers. On the bright side you can throw the universe.

nivek1234
2007-02-28, 08:04 PM
I wish to be a master swordsman.

Bonus wish:

I wish to die for my beliefs.

Extra bonus wish!

I wish to be of the Chaotic Good alignment.

#1. Granted. You are transported to a world without metallurgy.

#2. Granted. You die believing this wish will come true.

#3. Granted. You are transported to the abyssal plane.


I wish to be told if my math in my previous answer is mistaken, and what the right percentage is if I AM mistaken.

You are told whether or not your answer was correct (including the correct answer if it was wrong), but you forgot it.

Luircin
2007-02-28, 08:04 PM
Granted. Someone came in and give you a single gold coin, since you suddenly decided you'd become a poor monk (a non-DnD monk) and live in solitude in the mountains.

Hmm... what to wish for...
I wish I to be more powerful than most powerful living warrior in the world, at his highest power level ever.

Two people with the weirdest body shapes happen by. One asks the other what your power level is.

At the response: "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAND!", your brain implodes from the sheer inanity. Game over.

Lemur
2007-02-28, 08:04 PM
I wish I to be more powerful than most powerful living warrior in the world, at his highest power level ever.

Every warrior more powerful than you is either transformed into undead or constructs. And are they ever pissed at you for transforming them into even more powerful, soulless killing machines. They liked living, you know.

BCOVertigo
2007-02-28, 08:07 PM
Two people with the weirdest body shapes happen by. One asks the other what your power level is.

At the response: "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAND!", your brain implodes from the sheer inanity. Game over.

NO DAMN YOU I SHOVED THAT TO THE FURTHEST DARK CORNERS OF MY MIND FOR A REASON!!

Sanity....shattering....must.....construct....addi tional pylons....

ExHunterEmerald
2007-02-28, 08:08 PM
NO DAMN YOU I SHOVED THAT TO THE FURTHEST DARK CORNERS OF MY MIND FOR A REASON!!

Sanity....shattering....must.....construct....addi tional pylons....


You triggered my ADDITIONAL PYLONS.

Also, can I point out that the wish-granting has strayed? Rather than use the wording against people, it's just a funny "You die/may as well be dead" situation.

Amphimir Míriel
2007-02-28, 08:14 PM
I wish to be a master swordsman.

Granted! You now teach sword techniques to the 5 year old son of a local lordling.



I wish to die for my beliefs.

You die for your beliefs... Nobody knows about it, though, not even your deity, so you gain no afterlife benefits from it.



I wish to be of the Chaotic Good alignment.

You become Chaotic Good... for a few seconds before a Helm of Opposite Aligment falls in your head... You are now Lawful Evil.

-

Now my Turn:

"I wish for a weapon to combat Evil!"

(an actual wish from an old campaign)

Luircin
2007-02-28, 08:15 PM
Granted. Someone came in and give you a single gold coin, since you suddenly decided you'd become a poor monk (a non-DnD monk) and live in solitude in the mountains.

Hmm... what to wish for...
I wish I to be more powerful than most powerful living warrior in the world, at his highest power level ever.

Granted. You are now a warrior (NPC class) X+1, where X the level of the highest level living person with the warrior class in this world.

Jade_Tarem
2007-02-28, 08:31 PM
"I wish for a weapon to combat Evil!"

Somewhere, somehow, a weapon is combating evil. Now there are two.

Rolaran
2007-02-28, 08:33 PM
"I wish for a weapon to combat Evil!"

Granted! A weapon appears in front of you, infused with all the power of Good.

Meanwhile in the depths of the Lower Planes...

"Sir, something strange has happened! All the power of the Upper Planes has departed, moving onto the Prime Material!"

Sensing that the Upper Planes are now defenseless, every fiend in existence pours into them, slaughtering the forces of good.

Congratulations, there is no longer a heaven. But it is a very nice weapon. :smalltongue:


My turn!

"I wish for a personal vanguard of 10 completely loyal Elder Wyrm Dragons!"

Meynolds
2007-02-28, 08:35 PM
"I wish for a personal vanguard of 10 completely loyal Elder Wyrm Dragons!"

Granted. The dragons are your vanguard, but they are completely loyal to your enemy.

Jade_Tarem
2007-02-28, 08:40 PM
I wish for permanent, ultimate, ultimately diverse, and useable arcane power while retaining my sanity.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 08:42 PM
I wish for the ability to use any magic spell at my personal whim.

Jade_Tarem
2007-02-28, 08:42 PM
Also, can I point out that the wish-granting has strayed? Rather than use the wording against people, it's just a funny "You die/may as well be dead" situation.

Has it strayed, or have the wishes requested become so ludicrous that lethal backlash seems the best course of action?


I wish for the ability to use any magic spell at my personal whim.

Let us know when you get a personal whim. Then you can cast a spell at it.

Fax Celestis
2007-02-28, 08:43 PM
I wish for permanent, ultimate, ultimately diverse, and useable arcane power while retaining my sanity.

Granted. You're now the god of magic. Give me your sheet.

Luircin
2007-02-28, 08:55 PM
I wish for permanent, ultimate, ultimately diverse, and useable arcane power while retaining my sanity.

Granted. You're disrupting the flow of magic in the world, however, so Mystra/Boccob/the three/(insert god of magic here) take it upon themselves to stop your ascendancy.

OR

Granted. All magic drains out of the world, except for you. You can use prestigitation as an SLA at will. Ultimate is relative, after all.

OR

You are 'bamf'ed away into WoD. Have fun dealing with Paradox.

OR

You become one of the sorcerer dragon kings of Athas. You have ultimate power; too bad you're stuck on a dying world.

wowy319
2007-02-28, 08:55 PM
I wish for permanent, ultimate, ultimately diverse, and useable arcane power while retaining my sanity.

Okie-dokey! You maintain your sanity, but you now have become so convinced of your superiority over all living creatures that you decide to cleanse their worthless forms from the world. Congrats! you're now a genocidal maniac with unlimited power!

That Lanky Bugger
2007-02-28, 08:57 PM
Ahem...

I wish for a turkey sandwich, light on mayo and moist of meat!

Luircin
2007-02-28, 08:59 PM
Ahem...

I wish for a turkey sandwich, light on mayo and moist of meat!

The mayo is so light that the sandwich floats away. Meanwhile, the meat is so moist that it makes the bread soggy and disgusting.

That Lanky Bugger
2007-02-28, 09:00 PM
Damnation!

Edit: Also, that floaty sandwich dealy may become an avatar when I get bored of TeeVo.

wowy319
2007-02-28, 09:00 PM
I wish for a turkey sandwich, light on mayo and moist of meat!

Okay. too bad the turkey was rancid. Enjoy your E. coli!

LotharBot
2007-02-28, 09:09 PM
The value of pi is "pi". You know it exactly -- it's pi.

Oh, you wanted the decimal expansion? You should've said so.

That Lanky Bugger
2007-02-28, 09:10 PM
Hmmmm...

I wish Armageddon would arrive!

LotharBot
2007-02-28, 09:12 PM
Hmmmm...

I wish Armageddon would arrive!

Neflix sends you "Armageddon" by mistake.

That Lanky Bugger
2007-02-28, 09:15 PM
Ha tricked you! I was LOOKING for the movie!

Luircin
2007-02-28, 09:21 PM
Ha tricked you! I was LOOKING for the movie!

The movie is the animated furry version.

That Lanky Bugger
2007-02-28, 09:24 PM
The movie is the animated furry version.

Why must you prove there is no God?

Roderick_BR
2007-02-28, 09:25 PM
Hmmmm...

I wish Armageddon would arrive!
He arrived, and already left. He didn't let any note.

I wish that any person that hears one order from me will obey it without hesitation, without denying it, without perverting the command

Luircin
2007-02-28, 09:28 PM
Why must you prove there is no God?

There must be absolute evil for absolute good to exist and vice versa?

It's not MY fault that my alignment upon my cosmic character sheet reads "Chaotic Perverse," complete with capital letters.

Luircin
2007-02-28, 09:30 PM
He arrived, and already left. He didn't let any note.

I wish that any person that hears one order from me will obey it without hesitation, without denying it, without perverting the command

You always get exactly what you want when ordering at restaruants.

Mewtarthio
2007-02-28, 09:30 PM
"I wish for a weapon to combat Evil!"

Granted. You recieve a pointy, nonmagical stick. Now go out there and find some Evil to poke!

I wish for X divine ranks (where X-1 is the number of divine ranks held by the most powerful divine being in existence; note that this number continues to update if any being gains additional ranks), a divine realm on the Prime Material, the "Godhood" portfolio, every Salient Divine Ability in existence, fifty levels in every base class, twenty-five levels in every prestige class (except those with a set maximum), 100 in every ability score, all skills maxxed-out, and no alteration to my own sanity, alignment, or thought processes beyond that which is necessary to make me capable of using said abilities.

That Lanky Bugger
2007-02-28, 09:33 PM
Granted. You recieve a pointy, nonmagical stick. Now go out there and find some Evil to poke!

I wish for X divine ranks (where X-1 is the number of divine ranks held by the most powerful divine being in existence; note that this number continues to update if any being gains additional ranks), a divine realm on the Prime Material, the "Godhood" portfolio, every Salient Divine Ability in existence, fifty levels in every base class, twenty-five levels in every prestige class (except those with a set maximum), 100 in every ability score, all skills maxxed-out, and no alteration to my own sanity, alignment, or thought processes beyond that which is necessary to make me capable of using said abilities.

Good. Hand over your character sheet. You're an NPC now.

OR

Your head explodes and your consciousness drifts away. Your last impression is one of thanks... For you now realize that the most powerful deity IS reality, and you have just taken his place. Your power is infinite, but your very being is so bound up in the events taking place that you can merely watch. Now hand over your character sheet.

Luircin
2007-02-28, 09:41 PM
Granted. You recieve a pointy, nonmagical stick. Now go out there and find some Evil to poke!

I wish for X divine ranks (where X-1 is the number of divine ranks held by the most powerful divine being in existence; note that this number continues to update if any being gains additional ranks), a divine realm on the Prime Material, the "Godhood" portfolio, every Salient Divine Ability in existence, fifty levels in every base class, twenty-five levels in every prestige class (except those with a set maximum), 100 in every ability score, all skills maxxed-out, and no alteration to my own sanity, alignment, or thought processes beyond that which is necessary to make me capable of using said abilities.

Granted. The only thing you learn is that godhood is taught and the knowledge is only granted to candidates that the pantheon approves of. Until you get that knowledge, you have no idea how to use your new abilities, DESPITE your many, many ranks in all knowledge skills. Also, none of your new spells are prepared, your power points are depleted, and all your special abilities for the day are used up. You are, at the moment, little more than a super-epic fighter.

Meanwhile, an epic diviner, having forseen you making this wish, completes study of an epic spell designed to rectify the problem of you.

OR

Granted. You and Pun-Pun are trapped in an endless divine rank increasing loop for the rest of eternity, leaving the rest of the universe alone. Give me your character sheet.

Luircin
2007-02-28, 09:48 PM
Granted. You recieve a pointy, nonmagical stick. Now go out there and find some Evil to poke!

I wish for X divine ranks (where X-1 is the number of divine ranks held by the most powerful divine being in existence; note that this number continues to update if any being gains additional ranks), a divine realm on the Prime Material, the "Godhood" portfolio, every Salient Divine Ability in existence, fifty levels in every base class, twenty-five levels in every prestige class (except those with a set maximum), 100 in every ability score, all skills maxxed-out, and no alteration to my own sanity, alignment, or thought processes beyond that which is necessary to make me capable of using said abilities.

That's multiple wishes. You are granted only the first one. You are granted X divine ranks, but that's not quite enough to save you from the epicly heightened massive untyped-direct-damage no-SR spells coming from every Outer Plane at once.

Ishkahl
2007-02-28, 09:50 PM
I wish that any person that hears one order from me will obey it without hesitation, without denying it, without perverting the command

Done. The one "any person" is chosen for you, but unfortunatly, pass away moments after your wish is granted.

Lemur
2007-02-28, 09:56 PM
I wish for a sandwich robot with a robot sandwich.

Aquillion
2007-02-28, 09:57 PM
I wish for permanent, ultimate, ultimately diverse, and useable arcane power while retaining my sanity.Granted. You have a permanent 'Prestidigitation' in effect.

mikeejimbo
2007-02-28, 10:03 PM
Okie-dokey! You maintain your sanity, but you now have become so convinced of your superiority over all living creatures that you decide to cleanse their worthless forms from the world. Congrats! you're now a genocidal maniac with unlimited power!

And the twist is?

brian c
2007-02-28, 10:18 PM
Granted, to do so you are given multiple levels in warhulk and are dumber than a bag of hammers. On the bright side you can throw the universe.

war hulks rock.

how's this for a wish:
I wish the tarrasque would die.

mikeejimbo
2007-02-28, 10:21 PM
I wish the tarrasque would die.

It goes into cardiac arrest, its heart stops and it is technically dead for 5 seconds. A lightning bolt hits it, restarting its heart and it's alive again.

Thoughtbot360
2007-02-28, 10:21 PM
You become permanently happy.

. . . What? I'm not going to bother to twist that one. Twisting's only fun if the player's trying to power-boost himself.

- Saph

Finally, someone gets it.

Wippit Guud
2007-02-28, 10:22 PM
I wish for wings that work.

mikeejimbo
2007-02-28, 10:23 PM
I wish for wings that work.

A sparrow appears in your hand. Its wings work, quite well.