Fun With Bad Writing

[RadagastTheBrow]

So, I've been thinking. I do that sometimes. No, really, I do, honest!

Anyway, as much complaining and moaning as there is on the Internet, and the Forums in particular, I thought it might be fun to post hilariously bad places the Strip could go. The crazier the better. Think something could actually be made to work? Make it crazier! Release the Chaos! Ia, Ia, fhtagn!

I'll start-

The Sports Arc

Roy and company have to compete in an American style football game to defend the Gate from a team of misunderstood kobolds led by Redcloak's magically summoned twin doppelganger. From another dimension. Vaarsuvius is left to cover entertainment by Conjuring a cheerleading squad because Elan has the flu and Durkon thinks he needs to heal the "old fashioned way" to teach him a lesson in physical fortitude. However, Conjuration is banned, so she has to travel across town finding scrolls and wands to do the job for her! Also, V is dressed as a turtle for the entire arc.

Let's have fun!

[Lexible]

I thought it might be fun to post hilariously bad places the Strip could go. The crazier the better. Think something could actually be made to work? Make it crazier! Release the Chaos! Ia, Ia, fhtagn!

The Snarl is eventually understood to simply be lonely, and once everyone gets that The Snarl only wanted friends this whole time, it's Party Time! Belkar and The Snarl get married, and Roy is matron of honor (thanks to the belt of gender changing). Hijinks a-plenty ensue when Celia, arriving late to the wedding discovers her latent bisexuality, but not for Royngina! Bandit, trying to shake off the unwanted advances of the slyph, runs for the shelter of a sorry already taken excuse by shamming an outrageously public three way with V and Haley. While Elan takes advantage of Narrative Mastery to keep the yuks a-comin', Durkula converts to worship of Rat. Meanwhile, the Azurites schism over the propriety of a Dwarf serving a single one of the twelve gods unaware that Rat and the Dark One have plotted together to possess the soul of the latest addition to the Kato family. After subterfuge upon subterfuge threatens to rock the honeymoon's bliss, and a successful side quest to find and obtain Ghost Espresso pacifies much of the disagreeableness of Xykon, the whole cast reunites to a five-page musical and dance reanactment of Xanadu because why not! A plot thread leaves open the possibility of future OotS adventures, when in a cut-away Blackwing is revealed to be Sabine's Sith-apprentice.

I'll buy that for a dollar!

[ClockShock]

The story goes on to contain important messages about the world and how we treat each other. My word, wouldn't that be terrible.

[Vinyadan]

So, I've been thinking. I do that sometimes. No, really, I do, honest!

Anyway, as much complaining and moaning as there is on the Internet, and the Forums in particular, I thought it might be fun to post hilariously bad places the Strip could go. The crazier the better. Think something could actually be made to work? Make it crazier! Release the Chaos! Ia, Ia, fhtagn!

I'll start-

The Sports Arc

Roy and company have to compete in an American style football game to defend the Gate from a team of misunderstood kobolds led by Redcloak's magically summoned twin doppelganger. From another dimension. Vaarsuvius is left to cover entertainment by Conjuring a cheerleading squad because Elan has the flu and Durkon thinks he needs to heal the "old fashioned way" to teach him a lesson in physical fortitude. However, Conjuration is banned, so she has to travel across town finding scrolls and wands to do the job for her! Also, V is dressed as a turtle for the entire arc.

Let's have fun!

Serious answer? Roy's parents are both still alive, they are epic level batman wizards and show up every time their son or his friends are in danger. They actually are head of a university of magic, so they pretty much have an army at their disposal.

Or... a long vacation for our heroes. Give up whatever they are doing, just go around with the ship for a couple of months. Watch Dorkula's face turn green as he realizes that he won't be able at doing Hel's bidding and starts a killing spree out of desperation (that may actually be funny).

The lightning hitting the ship causes a massive sonic boom, completely destroying it. Our heroes are all dead; V is killed impaled by a mast. The scene goes back to the rubble under the arena, where Thog frees himself. He'll clearly be the new protagonist. The Giant's comment: "I wanted to start anew with a clean slate."

Shojo comes back from the dead, screaming "reduced impact of character mortality!"

Gobbotopia is invaded and submitted by arcane casting pop-corns.

Jyrix+MitS = <3 (ok, I don't have enough info to say if it really would have been bad, but I don't think it could have easily been worked in the current line of events, and would have collided with O-Chul's ordeal & friendship.)

Tsukiko manages to get in a relation with Xykon. This suddently becomes the center of the comic, which shifts away from the Order to only follow their erotic/romantic adventures of badly inserted modern references and attempts to depict their lives as normal. At the protests of the fans, after some 18 months going on this way, the whole (mortal) forces of the good side attack Gobbotopia (which X never left). Xykon and Tsukiko slaughter the whole of them, with just a marginal help by Redcloak, so that the Order's "side line" is tied up. The Giant's comment: "The comic's changed, folks. Roll with it".

The Order is controlled by giant space cats, while Xykon comes from modern earth. :smallwink: (http://www.giantitp.com/Images/fanart/ootslate1.gif)

[Lexible]

Tsukiko manages to get in a relation with Xykon. This suddently becomes the center of the comic, which shifts away from the Order to only follow their erotic/romantic adventures of badly inserted modern references and attempts to depict their lives as normal.

Um... that could actually fall into the 'so bad it's good' category. :D

[Bulldog Psion]

The Snarl is eventually understood to simply be lonely, and once everyone gets that The Snarl only wanted friends this whole time, it's Party Time! Belkar and The Snarl get married, and Roy is matron of honor (thanks to the belt of gender changing). Hijinks a-plenty ensue when Celia, arriving late to the wedding discovers her latent bisexuality, but not for Royngina! Bandit, trying to shake off the unwanted advances of the slyph, runs for the shelter of a sorry already taken excuse by shamming an outrageously public three way with V and Haley. While Elan takes advantage of Narrative Mastery to keep the yuks a-comin', Durkula converts to worship of Rat. Meanwhile, the Azurites schism over the propriety of a Dwarf serving a single one of the twelve gods unaware that Rat and the Dark One have plotted together to possess the soul of the latest addition to the Kato family. After subterfuge upon subterfuge threatens to rock the honeymoon's bliss, and a successful side quest to find and obtain Ghost Espresso pacifies much of the disagreeableness of Xykon, the whole cast reunites to a five-page musical and dance reanactment of Xanadu because why not! A plot thread leaves open the possibility of future OotS adventures, when in a cut-away Blackwing is revealed to be Sabine's Sith-apprentice.

I'll buy that for a dollar!

Wow -- thank you for that bit of hilariously insane plotting! :smallbiggrin: No way I can top that!

[Nilehus]

The Snarl is eventually understood to simply be lonely, and once everyone gets that The Snarl only wanted friends this whole time, it's Party Time! Belkar and The Snarl get married, and Roy is matron of honor (thanks to the belt of gender changing). Hijinks a-plenty ensue when Celia, arriving late to the wedding discovers her latent bisexuality, but not for Royngina! Bandit, trying to shake off the unwanted advances of the slyph, runs for the shelter of a sorry already taken excuse by shamming an outrageously public three way with V and Haley. While Elan takes advantage of Narrative Mastery to keep the yuks a-comin', Durkula converts to worship of Rat. Meanwhile, the Azurites schism over the propriety of a Dwarf serving a single one of the twelve gods unaware that Rat and the Dark One have plotted together to possess the soul of the latest addition to the Kato family. After subterfuge upon subterfuge threatens to rock the honeymoon's bliss, and a successful side quest to find and obtain Ghost Espresso pacifies much of the disagreeableness of Xykon, the whole cast reunites to a five-page musical and dance reanactment of Xanadu because why not! A plot thread leaves open the possibility of future OotS adventures, when in a cut-away Blackwing is revealed to be Sabine's Sith-apprentice.

I'll buy that for a dollar!

I think my brain jumped ship halfway through trying to read that.

On an unrelated note, I feel compelled to sponsor anyone that would create this.

Seriously though, that was brilliant. I would not be surprised to see that on fanfiction.net.

[Jaxzan Proditor]

Snarl is eventually understood to simply be lonely, and once everyone gets that The Snarl only wanted friends this whole time, it's Party Time! Belkar and The Snarl get married, and Roy is matron of honor (thanks to the belt of gender changing). Hijinks a-plenty ensue when Celia, arriving late to the wedding discovers her latent bisexuality, but not for Royngina! Bandit, trying to shake off the unwanted advances of the slyph, runs for the shelter of a sorry already taken excuse by shamming an outrageously public three way with V and Haley. While Elan takes advantage of Narrative Mastery to keep the yuks a-comin', Durkula converts to worship of Rat. Meanwhile, the Azurites schism over the propriety of a Dwarf serving a single one of the twelve gods unaware that Rat and the Dark One have plotted together to possess the soul of the latest addition to the Kato family. After subterfuge upon subterfuge threatens to rock the honeymoon's bliss, and a successful side quest to find and obtain Ghost Espresso pacifies much of the disagreeableness of Xykon, the whole cast reunites to a five-page musical and dance reanactment of Xanadu because why not! A plot thread leaves open the possibility of future OotS adventures, when in a cut-away Blackwing is revealed to be Sabine's Sith-apprentice.

I'll buy that for a dollar!
I think you win, especially with that Ghost Espresso.

[137beth]

Redcloak has been reading the forums and now knows that Hinjo is red-green colorblind. A bunch of hobgoblins take medicine to turn their skin red, and they all put on green cloaks. Hinjo is unable to determine which is the real Redcloak, and so he is killed.

[Synar]

Redcloak has been reading the forums and now knows that Hinjo is red-green colorblind. A bunch of hobgoblins take medicine to turn their skin red, and they all put on green cloaks. Hinjo is unable to determine which is the real Redcloak, and so he is killed.

Why would Hinjo not being able to see Redcloak change anything? If Redcloak (17th level cleric) attacks Hinjo (11-12th level paladin) alone, Hinjo already has no way of defending himself.


:smalltongue:
Okay I'm out -->[]

[137beth]

Why would Hinjo not being able to see Redcloak change anything? If Redcloak (17th level cleric) attacks Hinjo (11-12th level paladin) alone, Hinjo already has no way of defending himself.


:smalltongue:
Okay I'm out -->[]
That's the point--it would be poorly thought out to use it as a plot point in the way I described:smallsmile:

[Jjeinn-tae]

The High Priest of Hel has an awakening when exposed to all of Durkon's memories of drinking simultaneously. He becomes the high priest of alcohol and leads a movement that eventually engulfs the entirety of the Northern continent in the worship of ale. He takes it up to introduce alcohol to the world in the rift, which just happens to be the one thing that can short out Redcloak's ritual. During the ensuing skirmish, Redcloak's cloak gets splashed and becomes drunk, thus causing Redcloak to be reduced to a 4th level cleric, and he converts to Aledom. Together they create a magical geyser of infinite alcohol to pour into the portals, and the snarl starts hosting a wild party. The Snarl's world is named Rumland, and the expanding alcohol religion propels Durkula and Drunkcloak to the dual gods of Ale.

Roy tearfully waves on his friend during the ascension, happy that Durkon finally usurped Thor's portfolio like the little dwarf always wanted. But wait, was that what he always wanted? That seems to be a bit out of character... It hits him, and he wakes up, immobile against a wall, with drawings all over and around him. Oh that's right... There were all those traps on that door. Durkon cures him and Roy leads them out of the dungeon, "Nothing is worth that." And with that, in Elan's pack, a little puppet grinned with a twinkle in his eye. The vision worked. The plan would continue. Sequel Hook: The Glorious Banjulhu: The Banjulhuening

Hopefully that was the proper level of "So bad it's horrible." Just coming up with that made me question all of my story-writing capability. :p

[137beth]

The High Priest of Hel has an awakening when exposed to all of Durkon's memories of drinking simultaneously. He becomes the high priest of alcohol and leads a movement that eventually engulfs the entirety of the Northern continent in the worship of ale. He takes it up to introduce alcohol to the world in the rift, which just happens to be the one thing that can short out Redcloak's ritual. During the ensuing skirmish, Redcloak's cloak gets splashed and becomes drunk, thus causing Redcloak to be reduced to a 4th level cleric, and he converts to Aledom. Together they create a magical geyser of infinite alcohol to pour into the portals, and the snarl starts hosting a wild party. The Snarl's world is named Rumland, and the expanding alcohol religion propels Durkula and Drunkcloak to the dual gods of Ale.

Roy tearfully waves on his friend during the ascension, happy that Durkon finally usurped Thor's portfolio like the little dwarf always wanted. But wait, was that what he always wanted? That seems to be a bit out of character... It hits him, and he wakes up, immobile against a wall, with drawings all over and around him. Oh that's right... There were all those traps on that door. Durkon cures him and Roy leads them out of the dungeon, "Nothing is worth that." And with that, in Elan's pack, a little puppet grinned with a twinkle in his eye. The vision worked. The plan would continue. Sequel Hook: The Glorious Banjulhu: The Banjulhuening

Hopefully that was the proper level of "So bad it's horrible." Just coming up with that made me question all of my story-writing capability. :p
The power of HPoA also ressurects Dionysus after his destruction from the Snarl.

[Domino Quartz]

Hopefully that was the proper level of "So bad it's horrible." Just coming up with that made me question all of my story-writing capability. :p

If that was your aim, then I'm afraid you failed. It's bad, but in a way that's so terrible and nonsensical as to be hilarious. But it does have a good level of "So bad, it's good." :smallbiggrin:

[Jjeinn-tae]

If that was your aim, then I'm afraid you failed. It's bad, but in a way that's so terrible and nonsensical as to be hilarious. But it does have a good level of "So bad, it's good." :smallbiggrin:

Well darn, crushing my literary capability and what do I get? Entertainment!? This was too high of a cost. :smalltongue:

[Emperordaniel]

The OOTS throws a big party on the deck of the Mechane, with lots of glitter and cheesecake and alcohol for everyone. Getting his first taste of fine Dwarven beer, Durkula realizes the error of his ways, renounces the worship of Hel, converts to Thor and agrees to share control of Durkon's body with Durkon. Not long afterwards, a drunken Vaarsuvius sends a mis-aimed spell at Belkar, compelling him to buy a pink frilly dress and put Mr. Scruffy in it, causing Mr. Scruffy to abandon him and jump overboard in the middle of a storm. Mr. Scruffy nearly drowns, but is rescued (at great risk) by Blackwing, and they fall in love. Blackwing proposes to him, and they set the date for the wedding to be the very next week. However, tensions rise when it is revealed that Blackwing was really an agent of the Snarl ever since strip #0001! Horrified, Mr. Scruffy breaks off the engagement, despite Blackwing's protestations of love. Spontaneously gaining the ability to speak Common, Mr. Scruffy takes this issue to the rest of the OOTS, who decide that the only logical action is to put Blackwing in a pink frilly dress as well (it is well-known that the Snarl has a severe allergy to anything pink or frilly). They do so, and Blackwing's original memories and personality are all restored, allowing the wedding to proceed as planned before the Mechane reaches its final destination.

[Jaxzan Proditor]

I think with these two phrases alone you win here.


Spontaneously gaining the ability to speak Common

(it is well-known that the Snarl has a severe allergy to anything pink or frilly)