My Stupidity Rating is 38! (Dumbest thing you've optimized for)

[malonkey1]

Alright, I was pondering the many things people optimize for, and how weird that optimization can be (black hole piggy, anyone?), but most of the time, that optimization, while for a stupid thing, serves a rational purpose. I want to know, what's the dumbest thing you've ever optimized for, without a sane and/or rational purpose, either theoretically, or in play?

[Vhaidara]

Well, I had this (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?323556-Making-a-Murderhobo), which was all about making the best character (with all mentals < 10) who was optimized for slaughtering villages.

[Malroth]

NE Bard 9 destroying the world via Summon swarm Hivemind cheese

[JusticeZero]

An Enchanter, but I have yet to find a way to crack the "mind affecting" immunity reliably.

[Vaz]

Balefuo Polymorph gets around that.

[Immabozo]

(black hole piggy, anyone?)

As the originator of that thread, and contributor to the idea, I am honored.

I have optimized to get a character moving at something like 12,000 feet. I have yet to try to use ToB to get the maneuvers that get bonuses off jump checks, and the characters huge speed gets something like a +2400 to jump checks. But I have yet to actually do it.

I also optimized a character to fit the most bear into one character that I could. There was a lot of bear. It could bearly contain the bear mechanics and was more than bealy flavorful.

[Chronos]

Not really, because there's a large overlap between "immune to mind affecting" and "immune to baleful polymorph". Like, say, all undead and constructs.

[Darkweave31]

I once had a wizard/incantatrix that used a combination of wand surge, persisted unfettered heroism, and a wand of unseen crafter to make eberron's first printing factory. They mostly produced propaganda for Cyre to show citizens of the other nations the many crimes their leaders committed against Cyre and its people during the war.

[dextercorvia]

I've done some work trying to optimize a monk. Does that count?

The amount of chicken infested optimization out there rivals the amount of chickens in each of those builds.

There was the entire stuffy doll (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?256950-3-5-The-Stuffy-Doll-Vs-the-Playground-%28V-1-V-28%29) challenge -- all about beating a made up monster with made-up but ever increasing stats, that will kill you in two rounds if you don't kill it first.

There is the Jr. Idiot Crusader who can use WRT on himself every turn, and therefore gets NI turns per round.

[Vaz]

Not really, because there's a large overlap between "immune to mind affecting" and "immune to baleful polymorph". Like, say, all undead and constructs.
Probably should have written in blue.

As an enchanter, baleful polymorph is useless to you for the above reasons, or for immunities not due to that (Mindblank etc).

[dextercorvia]

There was the GOD Commoner challenge (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?156931-Challenge-Level-1-Commoner-as-a-God!): How much trouble can you get into with 21 feats on a level 1 character. The answer is, of course, a lot.

[Spore]

I wanted to try a Int 5/Cha 5 Orc Barbarian. My DM categorized it as a medium desaster and I was forced to retire him after one fight =( I optimized for optimum damage through superior Strength score. I settled with 36 but only because I wanted a believable char rather than an Advanced Half-Fiend Dragon Disciple Barbarian.

[Dunsparce]

Fallen Paladin 10/Bone Knight 7 currently that specializes in enchancing its crap level 16 Paladin casting. Winter's Champion, Maximize Spell, Divine Metamagic, Battle Blessing, Extra Turning.

It's the stupidest build I have ever made and I made it for fun. It's worked out so far, I used Ice Storm to destroy illusionary copies of an enemy and Maximized Mark of Doom and Axiomatic Storm slowly wittled away at a bulky bosses' health intersped. With battle blessing I can swift cast everything and thus attack and defend as I see fit after using spells.. Has 46 AC, 250 HP, and insane saves so he serves primarily as a tank, and has done it well even at these high levels.

[OldTrees1]

Lowest Physical(Str/Dex/Con) ability scores for a functioning necromancer.

[Kurald Galain]

Alright, I was pondering the many things people optimize for, and how weird that optimization can be (black hole piggy, anyone?),

Please don't tell me you're going to give such an interesting name without actually linking to it?

[toapat]

Intensified Awakened Housecat Archivist/Wizard/Mystic Theurge

his only purpose in life was to brutally murder Commoners in increasingly exotic and confusing ways

[Flickerdart]

Optimizing Mounter Trample, with a paladin base, no less. It actually turned out really good - a beefy mount makes it really hard to resist the trample, and there's a feat that lets you trample every opponent you move across rather than just one, and another feat that gives both you and your mount an attack against the now-prone enemy.

[Immabozo]

Please don't tell me you're going to give such an interesting name without actually linking to it?

As the proud, proud originator of the thread in question, I'd be happy to (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?342604-Can-you-swing-a-pig-weighing-your-max-load).

[Bluydee]

I optimized once for how weak a character could be. Think I made a kobold wizard who was venerable and dumped int, strength, dex, and con, maxing wisdom. He had 1 health, unable to cast spells, and couldn't hit anything. At least he could succeed his will saves.

[Kurald Galain]

I once optimized an intelligent Gelatinous Cube that could divide itself via self-inflicted damage, with the goal of exponentially covering the entire world...

[pwykersotz]

Spell-to-Power Erudite. No seriously, optimizing this is dumb. You may as well just smack the DM with a 2x4 at that point.

[Guizonde]

that would probably have to be a gnome "barbarian" giant-slayer... with weapon focus (tree trunks). my dm saw the char sheet and said "nope" straight off on account of me having chosen an oak trunk. why do you ask? because there were no oaks around those parts, but he was ok with sycamore trunks.

... it would have been a painful experience in pure munchkinning (in the sense that huge numbers were involved. d20 damage +4 str bonus at level 5, iirc). but guess what? as anything else that makes me laugh for more than 30 seconds, it got banned before the party was forced to meet "grumpy mcprojectile".

... did i mention the little freak had an ungodly bonus in leaping, charging, jumping, and tumbling? because his main tactic was cliff-diving onto giants and beating them with trees.

and that is my silliest (not dumbest. that would be a halfling champion slinger/ pastry chef using stale scones as ammo)

[dextercorvia]

There was a thread a while back where we tried to figure out how to create an ice age using Fimbulwinter.

[malonkey1]

There was a thread a while back where we tried to figure out how to create an ice age using Fimbulwinter.

Funny thing, in a thread about terraforming Athas, that very idea was brought up. I don't think it'd work though, due to the underlying issue of a shortage of life energy, but that's neither here nor there. My favorite idea involved placing a pair of portals in and out of the Positive Energy Plane directly in the path of Athasian orbit, bathing the world in positive energy for a few minutes each year (enough to restore a bit of life energy, but not enough for most critters to explode).

[Mountain]

I'm currently running a character who optimized craft (weaving). He has a +48 at level 9.

In a past campaign, I had a psion move at mach 7 for a single round. I don't recall why. (Technically, he was just moving very quickly inside his Temporal Acceleration, but it looked really fast to everyone else.)

[malonkey1]

I'm currently running a character who optimized craft (weaving). He has a +48 at level 9.

In a past campaign, I had a psion move at mach 7 for a single round. I don't recall why. (Technically, he was just moving very quickly inside his Temporal Acceleration, but it looked really fast to everyone else.)

Was he trying to become one with the Speed Force? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speed_Force) :smalltongue:

[Mountain]

Was he trying to become one with the Speed Force? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speed_Force) :smalltongue:

Maybe he should have... The thing was that the DM had banned teleportation. ("It makes it impossible to challenge characters." Whatever.) Anyway... It took ~300 power points, but I could get where I was going very quickly if I needed to.

[malonkey1]

Maybe he should have... The thing was that the DM had banned teleportation. ("It makes it impossible to challenge characters." Whatever.) Anyway... It took ~300 power points, but I could get where I was going very quickly if I needed to.

SHOW ME YOUR SECRETS, WISE ONE. I want to make a campaign setting where teleportation is explicitly impossible just so I can use that.

[MesiDoomstalker]

I once made a build that got Dual 9/9 Arcane/Psionic so he could 2-Spell-Power combo Hideous Laughter (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/hideousLaughter.htm) and Crisis of Breath (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/psionic/powers/crisisofBreath.htm) for the most entertaining asphyxiation death ever (for all involved!).

[Seffbasilisk]

Back when PF was playtesting, I played a Druid who was focused around maxing out Heal. Combat wise, he mostly just dropped Snakes Swiftness, Mass and summoned.

For some reason though, I was really fixated upon this idea that with a +28 to the skill, on a roll of a 1 with empty hands, I could heal them 1hp per hd + my wis (which as a druid was decent.)

It took until most of the way through the module, when I was working my m4d s|<1llz and another character interrupted with a CLW for the illusion to sunder.

[Mountain]

SHOW ME YOUR SECRETS, WISE ONE. I want to make a campaign setting where teleportation is explicitly impossible just so I can use that.

I don't remember exactly how it worked. I started with Fly, then tacked on several speed boosters with a combination of powers and UMD. Then I cheesed his ML through the roof so he could stay in a temporal acceleration for several rounds of apparent time.

If you like the idea, and don't mind fondue, you should take a look at the Lightning Thief (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?142080-3-5-The-Lightning-Thief-Epic-Sleight-of-Hand-Abuse).

Edit: Now I remember. He used metamorphosis to gain a huge fly speed. Then he used a few speed-boosting items. THEN came the temporal acceleration, during which he used Hustle for even more move actions.

[toapat]

Funny thing, in a thread about terraforming Athas, that very idea was brought up. I don't think it'd work though, due to the underlying issue of a shortage of life energy, but that's neither here nor there. My favorite idea involved placing a pair of portals in and out of the Positive Energy Plane directly in the path of Athasian orbit, bathing the world in positive energy for a few minutes each year (enough to restore a bit of life energy, but not enough for most critters to explode).

i wasnt using Fimbulwinter that way (iceage was an inevitable side effect of casting 15k+ instances of intensified fimbulwinter though) and you cant make gate large enough to work that way either, also it wouldnt work that way. Think of matter as a sponge for possitive energy, living beings are full of the stuff, while rock is basically dry. The horrors that it would create from the planet itself wouldnt be worth the risk

[Milodiah]

I have this thing called the "Diminishing Backup System"; I have made 20 characters, but after the 5th they get progressively stupider.

If a DM is so bloodthirsty he kills off 5 characters, he is suddenly faced with the fact that every one he kills after that will be dumber and dumber until we hit critical stupid (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Globster) at 20.

One of them beyond 5 is named "Pokey-Man". He is a half-ogre, and his entire existence is dedicated to finding every possible way in every valid sourcebook to extend his reach with a longspear.

I'm at 45 feet right now, and it's hilarious.

[Mountain]

I have this thing called the "Diminishing Backup System"; I have made 20 characters, but after the 5th they get progressively stupider.

If a DM is so bloodthirsty he kills off 5 characters, he is suddenly faced with the fact that every one he kills after that will be dumber and dumber until we hit critical stupid (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Globster) at 20.

I would love to see critical stupid. Can you post an example?

I like to have backup characters. I think I'll start using this idea.

[Milodiah]

I'll tell you the contingency plan, after 20.

I asked the DM if we were going to allow Aberration feats out of the Lords of Madness book; he said they might need tweaking, but if I wanted to, sure.

I asked the DM if there were any humanoid turtle races; he said he didn't know off the top of his head, but there probably was one somewhere.

I asked the DM what the base age for ninjas were; he looked at me confusedly, and said, again, he didn't know off the top of his head.

I asked the DM if it could perhaps be teenaged, and the look on his face was enough to suggest I had struck gold in terms of save vs. DM deterrence.



So now, if my self-animating psionically gifted blob of indeterminate organic mass, known as the Blubbermind, is to die, this is what happens.
I provide a Fine-sized Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character sheet. Whenever it dies, I just erase the size-determinant information and bump it up one class. And repeat. Forever.

If it becomes necessary, my character shall become Great A'Tuin the World Turtle, reaching up to the planet upon his back to smite the enemies of my party, as I carry the DM's entire planet inexorably into the Sun.

It willl be turtles all the way down.

[nedz]

I once spent ages trying to optimise Dragon Shaman. Not necessarily dumb, unless you've tried it.

[Mountain]

I'll tell you the contingency plan, after 20.

I asked the DM if we were going to allow Aberration feats out of the Lords of Madness book; he said they might need tweaking, but if I wanted to, sure.

I asked the DM if there were any humanoid turtle races; he said he didn't know off the top of his head, but there probably was one somewhere.

I asked the DM what the base age for ninjas were; he looked at me confusedly, and said, again, he didn't know off the top of his head.

I asked the DM if it could perhaps be teenaged, and the look on his face was enough to suggest I had struck gold in terms of save vs. DM deterrence.



So now, if my self-animating psionically gifted blob of indeterminate organic mass, known as the Blubbermind, is to die, this is what happens.
I provide a Fine-sized Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character sheet. Whenever it dies, I just erase the size-determinant information and bump it up one class. And repeat. Forever.

If it becomes necessary, my character shall become Great A'Tuin the World Turtle, reaching up to the planet upon his back to smite the enemies of my party, as I carry the DM's entire planet inexorably into the Sun.

It willl be turtles all the way down.

I think you just won the game.

As far as turtle races, I can't think of one, but anthropomorphic turtle actually seems less ridiculous than some of the other animals.

[torrasque666]

I'm just imagining a giant flipper coming down and crushing half the city/cave/dungeon/keep/whatever. :smalltongue:

[Milodiah]

I'm just imagining a giant flipper coming down and crushing half the city/cave/dungeon/keep/whatever. :smalltongue:

...the best part is it still technically qualifies as a sneak attack.

[animewatcha]

I have this thing called the "Diminishing Backup System"; I have made 20 characters, but after the 5th they get progressively stupider.

If a DM is so bloodthirsty he kills off 5 characters, he is suddenly faced with the fact that every one he kills after that will be dumber and dumber until we hit critical stupid (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Globster) at 20.

One of them beyond 5 is named "Pokey-Man". He is a half-ogre, and his entire existence is dedicated to finding every possible way in every valid sourcebook to extend his reach with a longspear.

I'm at 45 feet right now, and it's hilarious.

Switchout the longspear with a rope-dart. Think spiked chain mechanics, only also flurry-able with proficiency, less weapon damage but more reach. 15 ft medium / 30 large.

@Milodiah: I can see it now..

"Yes, you may be in front of me, but I can still smite your bunghole with my p****."

[Milodiah]

Switchout the longspear with a rope-dart. Think spiked chain mechanics, only also flurry-able with proficiency, less weapon damage but more reach. 15 ft medium / 30 large.

@Milodiah: I can see it now..

"Yes, you may be in front of me, but I can still smite your bunghole with my p****."

...so what you're telling me is I'm now at about 65?

Thank you ever so much.

[Jeff the Green]

I recently optimized an enemy to be able to kill exactly one specific ex-PC (who was also the second toughest) and not threaten the rest too much. I ended up with a vampire Spirit Lion Totem Whirling Frenzy Barbarian 1/Fighter 2/Warblade 5. Sudden Leap + Leaping Dragon Stance lets him close to charging distance even from an ambush far away enough to avoid the archer's Mindsight, vampire brings his Strength up to the point where he can Power Attack for 2 and still hit his target on a 2, and Whirling Frenzy + Pounce lets him get in a bunch of attacks during the surprise round. Plus Emerald Razor lets him deliver a certain death stroke the first real round. But his low Will save leaves him vulnerable to the party's Chronomancer and his vampireness means his HP is low enough that he'll fall within a couple rounds, maybe even one with lucky rolls.

[HaikenEdge]

I once tried to optimize the Incredible Hulk. Problem was, I couldn't reliably produce a switch from Banner to Hulk.

[Diovid]

I once tried to optimize the Incredible Hulk. Problem was, I couldn't reliably produce a switch from Banner to Hulk.
The common method is something like expert x / stoneblessed (goliath) 3 / barbarian 1 / War Hulk 10. When you rage, and only when you rage, you become large and thus when you rage, and only when you rage, you qualify for War Hulk thus when you rage, and only when you rage, you get War Hulk's benefits and downsides (No Time to Think).

[HaikenEdge]

I inevitably find that increase in strength to be unimpressive, and end up stacking on Festering Anger and Mind Over Body.

[Oko and Qailee]

Tried to have a good amount of powerful cats. Because I really wanted to be a crazy cat lady.

[Thiyr]

While it wasn't mine, I think optimizing for hangtime on a single jump (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?121031-Now-That-s-What-I-Call-Mer-aculous-Hangtime!) is probably my favorite. When a legitimate question becomes "Can I get a wand down to a swift action so i can cast major image while in mid-air, so that I can look like a monster truck", you're doing something right.

[animewatcha]

...so what you're telling me is I'm now at about 65?

Thank you ever so much.

Half-ogre large - longspear.

Large size with longspear reach weapon would threaten with it at 15 ft and 20 ft range. Not at 5ft and 10 ft ( for large size, this is 'adjacent' ). This is barring feats, other attacks, etc.

Large size with spiked chain is reach that does threaten at the 5ft and 10 ft range. Rope dart just lowers the weapon damage a bit, tacks on flurry, and extends range a bit while keeping threaten. Do note this is a dragon magazine 3.5 weapon. It got changed to have 5ft 10 ft interaction reach range in pathfinder ( can't remember if it keeps other properties ).

I don't know what your build is like with the longspear. Large size keeps you from benefiting from deformity ( tall ) feat. You will need to look at your entire build of feats and what not. Lunging Strike would still only at 5ft to your reach.

[Milodiah]

I deliberately chose to avoid spiked chain, because that would be useful. This is supposed to be a stupid character, you know. He's also a spellcaster, to take advantage of those handful of spells that add to weapon reach like...what's it called again. Keen Edge, I think?

[AugustNights]

I was working on building an ECL 21 Demilich that could construct its phylacteries and soul gems using only pre-lich WBL, I can't remember if it was WBL 10 or 8.
Allowences for Dedicated Wrights crafting profitable goods were made only for magical item crafting time.

I got pretty close, but there were 2 loose rule allowences.
1) Caster-level items added to artificer's effective caster level.
2) Orange Ioun stones stacked for purposes without a check (this is raw) and Caster Level prerequisites were not considered checks (questionable and likely wrong when disjunction and dispel are taken into account.)

Oh, and of course, hand waiving the whole must be a wizard/sorcerer/Cleric of 21st level, as Caster Level 21...

[Telok]

I have a build sitting around for a level 18 straight bard who can cast metamagiced Enervation and Ray of Enfeeblement with Maximize, Empowered, Enervating, Fell Drain, Split Ray, and Twinned. That's without the two flaws that most TO assumes.

[Akal Saris]

I made an optimized shield-fighter with all the feats that let you throw your shield, bullrush with it, etc. At the end of the day, well, it wasn't the worst thing ever. But there is a staggeringly high number of feats that can be spent on very slight improvements to effectiveness with a shield, with very diminishing returns :P