Love at first sight

[Asta Kask]

Are you one of the people who fall in love at first sight?

Now, I can't really know what'll happen tomorrow but I don't think I've ever fallen in love at first sight. Maybe I'm rationalizing after the fact, but for me love seems to come slowly. It implies a level of commitment I'm not comfortable with giving someone I just met, if that sentence makes sense.

[Lanaya]

I'm more than a little skeptical about the concept. I certainly believe in lust at first sight, but I don't think you can call your feelings love unless there's some actual emotional connection there, which requires actually knowing them.

[Asta Kask]

I'm dubious too, but I don't want to tell others what they fell. That's why I was hesitant to rule out love at first sight...

[Eldan]

I'm not even sure how love is supposed to feel in general. If I've ever felt it at first sight, I haven't noticed.

[Giggling Ghast]

I think it can happen, though I'd be extremely skeptical of anyone who said it happened to them.

[Domino Quartz]

I agree with Lanaya on this point. I think you can definitely have lust at first sight, but because of the way the human brain works (specifically memory-wise), if you end up in a committed relationship that involves real love (the emotional connection) with the person, you can rationalise your first feeling for that person as being love.

[Closet_Skeleton]

I don't particularly believe or disbelieve in it, but I hope it doesn't exist, just because its highly likely to end in tears.

[Talar]

At first sight? It's probably only lust that is mistaken for love. But first encounter? Ya I think it can happen. Assuming the encounter has some interaction where you talk to the person.

[Aedilred]

At first sight? It's probably only lust that is mistaken for love. But first encounter? Ya I think it can happen. Assuming the encounter has some interaction where you talk to the person.

Likewise. Even then, I think "love" is a bit of a stretch, but then love is such a nebulous concept that determining exactly what it is and isn't is pretty much impossible. Certainly I think it's possible for something closer to love than lust to result from a first encounter. An emotional infatuation, perhaps. Indeed, I have experienced that.

[BWR]

Love, no. Lust, certainly. Infatuation/crush coming on in a short period of time, yes.

[sktarq]

I so want to say no. Logically I don't believe in it. Love that grows from one magical night of conversation I'll call a grey area...But I have had connection with people that were literally just a couple seconds across a crowded room....years later we we ended up meeting, we had remembered each other, each others dance styles, and what the other was wearing exactly. We got along amazingly when we started talking. And we don't speak anymore after it became obvious that our friendship was turning into something else (and she was now married). So there is something to it but does it rise to the level of "love"....If it happens, it is equivalent to winning the lotto in terms of odds.

In addition. For something at first sight, I have had that. Less than a half dozen times the first time I looked at someone (I mean looked not just saw them out the corner of my eye etc) I got some little voice/knowledge in the back of my head. "This person could/should be your friend" is the closest translation I could give. I'm normally friendly enough but in each case these people have ended up being massively influential in my life. They have been some of my tightest friends. While I've gotten friends equally close who I didn't get the reaction for I've never gotten the reaction and not become very fast friends with them. It wasn't instant friendship-but it was fast. From ages of 6 to 28 and of varying strength. Guys and girls and never immediately sexual. It's weird and I'm not comfortable with it. It is some subconscious read of their posture, perhaps voice tone, appearance, dress, etc all tied up in a moment that Malcom Gladwell wrote that book Blink about. . . however it is something that is damn weird to experience. If it combined with something like the above scenario, or instant lust or whatnot I could see how someone would say "I knew I was going to marry them the moment I first saw them" or such.

[Scarlet Knight]

I believe it can happen; I classify my love for my wife that way.

I saw her at a party and thought she was beautiful. I was smitten. Everything after that was reinforcement. When I spoke to her, I discovered she was sweet and kind. That night I told my mother that she was the one for me.

Over future dates, I confirmed she was intelligent, funny, and loving.

We've been married for almost 30 years. I cannot say that I was wrong that first night and fell in love with her later, because I cannot test it. But this certainly fits the love at first sight definition.

[super dark33]

Well it exists but its not magic, maybe its some subconcious higher thinking deductive reasoning (maybe Sherlock holmes is able to connect to that on regular basis?)

It doesnt have to be just lust though, the term itself is more of an immidiete romantic attraction instead of sexual attraction.

For examples, when i was in Malta I saw two different girls in different places that triggred the titular thing. One of them i saw when i got off the plane. She looked kinda hot and around my age so I got slightly nervous and found it hard to take my eyes off of her until i left the area.
The other i saw on a boattrip. I was walking around on the boat and saw her standing, when i got closer she looked at Me and smiled, which made Me smile back.
From that moment forward, we both tried to find situations to look at each other and smile. I found her very pretty, I still remember how she looked, short, blond, not-skinny-not-fat, cute...
We never said a word to one another.
I think she was from england or germany?
I already put too much thought into her and i never saw her for more than 7 hours! That was a month ago!
So I guess you can say......
I shipped us.

[Serpentine]

No, not at all. I think it's possible to feel an attraction or a liking that will eventually grow into love, but I don't think it is accurate to call that thing love from the outset.
Of course, it takes an extremely long time for me to fall in love and it seems to be extremely difficult for me to do so - I've only been in love once, and we knew each other for a couple of months before we went out and then it took me another couple of months before I could tell him I loved him, and that took a full-blown d&m about the nature of love and the meaning of the word and why I had so much trouble saying it.

So no, definitely not for me, and probably not for other people, but I acknowledge that my experience with love doesn't seem to match that of most others.

[Crow]

I think the word a lot of people are looking for is infatuation.

[wilborine]

I think the word a lot of people are looking for is infatuation.

So how do we differentiate between infatuation and love at first sight. how do we know which one hit us.

[Coidzor]

So how do we differentiate between infatuation and love at first sight. how do we know which one hit us.

In this case, I suppose, love at first sight is when it can be parleyed into an actual lasting relationship for any real duration past whatever we care to define as the vapid, trivial relationship/hookup range of time.

[Razanir]

Technically speaking, love at first sight should exist. Anyone who has a child knows that. :smallbiggrin:

But I think the question needs to be more specific. Why type of love are we discussing?

*Eros- Physical love, not necessarily erotic
*Philia- Love for friends
*Storge- Love for your kids
*Agape- Self-sacrificial love (The "Love is patient..." sort)

[Asta Kask]

Eros. Eros, eros, eros. 10 characters.

[Ravens_cry]

I certainly developed a head over heels crush for someone at first sight. Unfortunately, it was not reciprocated, and it's still painful to this day.:smallsigh:

[Mauve Shirt]

Infatuation at first sight exists, but love is cultivated.

[sktarq]

*Eros- Physical love, not necessarily erotic
*Philia- Love for friends
*Storge- Love for your kids
*Agape- Self-sacrificial love (The "Love is patient..." sort)

Amour-romantic love-it is the one classically associated with first sight hits since the concept (and according to Josef Campbell the beginning of modern western thought's interesting atypical development) foundation with the French troubadours of the 12th and 13th centuries.

[Coidzor]

A combination of Eros, Philia, and Amour, I should think.

After all, if it's just Eros we don't count it as Love in Western society unless we're inexperienced and don't know what love is yet and so constantly mistake things like infatuation for love.

If it's just Philia, it doesn't count for a plethora of reasons that I don't want to get into due to where I see it leading.

If i'ts just Amour, well, maybe, but we kinda expect long-term lovers to also actually like one another outside of that and we're rather hellbent on asexual erasure.

[Asta Kask]

A combination of Eros, Philia, and Amour, I though think.

After all, if it's just Eros we don't count it as Love in Western society unless we're inexperienced and don't know what love is yet and so constantly mistake things like infatuation for love.

If it's just Philia, it doesn't count for a plethora of reasons that I don't want to get into due to where I see it leading.

If i'ts just Amour, well, maybe, but we kinda expect long-term lovers to also actually like one another outside of that and we're rather hellbent on asexual erasure.

Yep, that's better. I thought the closest among the alternatives was Eros.

[S@tanicoaldo]

It happened to me and I will try to explain..

I guess the main difference of love and lust at the first sight is the length, I mean I can see a guy a think "WOW that guy is handsome" and go on with my life but love at the first sight is in the edge of being almost a creepy obsession, it is when you see a stranger and you feel like you know him, see perfection in his every action and in his appearance! Unlike the fast to forget lust you want to know more about that person, you want to meet him, spend you life with him, find out more about, hear his voice, opinions, poins of view, likes and dislikes you feel like your life will be empty with out that person, it is a very strong feeling that for more that you try to stop it since it is kind of insane and creepy you can't you can't stop thinking about the person or dreaming about him.

So yeah it is much more intense and almost insane then the "Oh that guy/girl looks nice I wouldn't mind spending time with him/her"

And no... I'm not that creeepy all the time...

[Asta Kask]

It has happened to me too. It's strange how you can look at a person and everything else just becomes... background.

It didn't lead to anything.

[Coidzor]

It has happened to me too. It's strange how you can look at a person and everything else just becomes... background.

It is quite distracting when someone is so arresting that the world seems to stop spinning for a moment when one locks eyes with them, yes.


It didn't lead to anything.

Therein lies part of the problem with calling it love at first sight, at least from an accuracy point of view, since that feeling does seem to be what we talk about as a ...cultural phenomenon/social trope(?). How can you know if nothing ever comes of it, not even rejection?

Then there's the special !!!FUN!!! of when we start in on arguing about whether one can actually love when the feeling is not mutual.

[Knaight]

I guess the main difference of love and lust at the first sight is the length, I mean I can see a guy a think "WOW that guy is handsome" and go on with my life but love at the first sight is in the edge of being almost a creepy obsession, it is when you see a stranger and you feel like you know him, see perfection in his every action and in his appearance! Unlike the fast to forget lust you want to know more about that person, you want to meet him, spend you life with him, find out more about, hear his voice, opinions, poins of view, likes and dislikes you feel like your life will be empty with out that person, it is a very strong feeling that for more that you try to stop it since it is kind of insane and creepy you can't you can't stop thinking about the person or dreaming about him.

This sounds like a terminology issue. I'd class this as infatuation, and quite possibly lust, whereas a thought of "that person is cute/handsome/hot/beautiful/striking/insert-adjective-here" would probably not even qualify as lust.

Basically, I'm skeptical towards this whole "love at first sight" concept as I understand it, and what you're describing is outright counter-evidence. With that said, "love at first sight" is pretty vaguely defined, as is the term "love" in general, so it could easily come down to a terminology issue. This isn't the case with something like "soulmate", which is generally a lot clearer conceptually, and which I'd say should be greeted not with skepticism but with contempt.

[Razanir]

Amour-romantic love-it is the one classically associated with first sight hits since the concept (and according to Josef Campbell the beginning of modern western thought's interesting atypical development) foundation with the French troubadours of the 12th and 13th centuries.


Yep, that's better. I thought the closest among the alternatives was Eros.

I know there are more granularities. Those were just the first four options, since they're the four Greek words for love.

Also, I actually have experienced love at first sight. Unfortunately, said girl was already dating someone, so nothing could happen.

[Crow]

Also, I actually have experienced love at first sight. Unfortunately, said girl was already dating someone, so nothing could happen.

I keep hearing this.

How is that love????

[Scarlet Knight]

Unrequited love has been the basis for many a tale. (Eponine in Les Miserable)



If we agree love exists , however we define it, it may begin in one of three ways:

1) You dislike the person upon first meeting them, and change your mind over time. ( "Pride and Prejudice")

2) You like them but are unsure until future time together ( most common)

3) You realize quickly how special they are and continue to love them.
(Love at first sight)

We may argue of the percentages of how people end up in love, but there will be people who guess correctly right away about their loves.

[Asta Kask]

Then there's the Archibald Cunningham school of thought:

Love is a dung hill, Betty, and I am but a [rooster] that climbs upon it to crow.

[RCgothic]

I believe in lust at first sight. :smallwink:

Love... I think that takes a little longer.

[S@tanicoaldo]

Say that to the guy who went to hell after his beloved one who did not even knew he existed.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f8/Dante_and_beatrice.jpg

[Hiro Protagonest]

If you continue to observe them as they talk and do other things, that gives a better idea. I also wouldn't qualify that as love at first sight, as you are given much more facts than what you could possible be given for seeing that person for a few seconds when they're on a night out. You can assess some things by whether they look happy or unhappy in the context of the environment, and what they're wearing, but it's not enough.

Infatuation at first sight probably exists. I doubt true love at first sight does.

[lio45]

You can't possibly be in love with someone you don't know.

So, definitely, no.

Lust at first sight, sure, infatuation at first sight, sure. Love-if-you-have-a-weird-(IMO)-personal-definition-of-love, maybe too.

I have a picky definition. For example, I spent two years in a relationship with my first ex without being able to tell her I loved her, because I wasn't sure I did (we were great matches on paper and generally enjoyed the time spent together). Turned out, I didn't.

I loved my third ex. Hope to feel that again someday.

I know it's something that can be developed. In my case at least. I think everyone might be slightly different there -- to each their own. One thing is sure though, if you're using the same definition as I do, love "at first sight" isn't possible.

[Crow]

You can't possibly be in love with someone you don't know.

So, definitely, no.

To expand on this, you know literally a fraction of what there is to know about someone when you first meet. Most crushes and infatuations result from our minds taking that little fraction, and filling in the blanks with what we would like to be there.

[Trog]

Technically speaking, love at first sight should exist. Anyone who has a child knows that. :smallbiggrin:
And here we have a winner. This. I have loved my boys since the very moment they came into the world. :smallsmile:

I've also experienced the shocking jolt of so-called love at first sight. I never saw her again after that short time because it was at a gas station and I think the plates of the car she was in were from out of state. Just one of those chance meetings. I wouldn't call it love, and it wasn't lust. I most certainly know lust. :smalltongue: And this wasn't it. I don't know rightly what it was, nor can I explain it, but it certainly ranks a word of its own. The associations of the whole word love are so vague anyway. "I love you." "I love pizza." Real specific word, right?

The only thing that the two types of experiences (seeing girl, seeing sons born) had in common was the absolute overwhelming shock (in a good way) of it all.

Anyhow, that's all I know about that... whatever it is. :smallconfused:

[sktarq]

The only thing that the two types of experiences (seeing girl, seeing sons born) had in common was the absolute overwhelming shock (in a good way) of it all.

There is a reason arrows and lightning bolts show up time and again in reference to this kind of event.

[Starwulf]

I didn't feel love at first sight with my wife so much as an instinctual knowing that she was going to be mine forever. The love came later, much later, due to several very bad relationships that ended up with me being cheated on, twice with guys that I thought were supposed to be very good friends of mine. Once the love did come though, it was like a massive floodgate opened up all at once. I even remember the moment. We were in my bedroom laying down, just talking and making out, and I remember looking into her eyes, and something kinda "clicked" inside of my brain, and my heart suddenly started pounding real hard and I kinda lost my breath a bit.