Deliberately terrible character ideas

[Milodiah]

If you haven't heard, I have a system known as the "Diminishing Backup System". I'm assembling a pool of 19 pregenerated (3.5 Edition) characters behind the first custom-made one, but...after the 5th character, they're designed to become progressively stupider. Things like alcoholic sorcerers with state-dependent memory syndromes, Tiny-size fairy berserkers, and at the very end of it...the psionically self-animating Blubbermind (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Globster). Any DM bloodthirsty enough to kill 5 of my characters (or less, based his/her attitude and my mood) will soon discover that my replacements gradually become dumber and dumber with each one he drops rocks on.

Now, it's actually a rather difficult undertaking, making 15 characters that absolutely suck to the point of comedy, both mechanically and personably. I need some suggestions...anyone? We've all done optimization, now let's grab optimization by its ankles and bounce its head on the concrete some :smalltongue:

[Bluydee]

Kobold Wizard, who doesn't have enough int to cast and took VoP and vow of nonviolence.

[Crimson Wolf]

Non lethal ranger that specializes in whips and ONLY whips.

[Frostwolfeh]

A ranger with low dex that does nothing but throw explosives. Carries over 100 of them and none in a bag of holding. Fire is his enemy not his friend.

[Thurbane]

Truenamer with Vow of Silence.

Goblin Fighter with Vow of Poverty.

1/2 Ogre Spellthief.

[Phelix-Mu]

Anti-op is actually a fairly well-established science. One of my favorites, because I can use a judiciously applied self-nerf to balance some tasty bit of op that would normally exceed the op-level of the table.

My usual starting point is to make the character's class makeup more MAD. Multiclassing makes this easy, if the normal ways to make it palatable are removed. Monk/wizard (not Kung-Fu Genius/Carmendine Monk'd). Or use counterproductive race-class combos (with rolls to back it up); stereotypical half-orc/dwarf bard, gnome barbarian, tibbit lockdown, and so forth.

[Extra Anchovies]

1. Druid who wears full plate, not knowing it hinders their abilities.
2. Monk who wears full plate, not knowing it hinders their abilities.
3. Wizard, see above.

[QuickLyRaiNbow]

There's a classic post floating around about a character who believes he's a Wizard and acts in all ways as such, though he's actually a Barbarian with extremely low Wisdom and Intelligence. Finding mundane spell equivalents is quite a bit of fun, and the character itself isn't exactly sterling. An unarmored Barbarian throwing torches and calling them scorching rays isn't gonna break any damage records.

[bjoern]

our DM once had an NPC that was a gulley dwarf. She carried around a pet rat (it was dead but I don't think she knew it) .
She was supposed to be our guide through some area. When she didn't know where to go, shed throw the rat Into the air and see how it landed. She would look at which way It was pointing and then pick a random direction and took off. Never figured out if there was any pattern to the rat throwing and random directions. As far as I know, shejust liked to throw it.

[Thurbane]

How about a commoner who think he's a Sorcerer? He spends most of his skill points on cross-classed skills like Use Magic Device, Spellcraft and KNowledge (arcana). He uses his Handle Animal skill to get a "familiar" (i.e. a perfectly normal cat or rat that he has trained up with some tricks.).. Maybe if the DM was feeling generous he could give the "familiar" the Warbeast template. And maybe one of those feats from Complete Arcane that gives minor SLAs?

I"m totally going to use this as an NPC for my game now! :smallsmile:

[Milodiah]

Mind you, I'm not looking for ways to make underpowered characters, like a wizard who can't do spells. I'm looking for stupid but fun ones, like a half-ogre bard so decked out in impossibly focused abilities, spells, and feats that he ended up with 45 feet of reach with a longspear.

[Zanos]

There's a classic post floating around about a character who believes he's a Wizard and acts in all ways as such, though he's actually a Barbarian with extremely low Wisdom and Intelligence. Finding mundane spell equivalents is quite a bit of fun, and the character itself isn't exactly sterling. An unarmored Barbarian throwing torches and calling them scorching rays isn't gonna break any damage records.
For anyone who needed a chuckle today.
(http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?195049-Help-Me-Be-Annoying-with-a-Barbarian-Wizard)

[Sir Chuckles]

Strongheart Halfling Commoner 1/Survivor 5. Flaw: Obese.
Willing Deformity, Deformity (Obese)

Use that as a springboard. I'd say Militia for "Fat Halfling throwing tridents", and pick up Leadership.

[gooddragon1]

The elf wizard (commoner if you want) who could not do an honest days work to save his life (because it might kill him).
Race: Elf
Abilities (32 point buy): STR 10, DEX 16->18, CON 8->6, INT 18, WIS 10, CHA 10
Flaws: Frail [Subtract 1 from the number of hit points you gain at each level. This flaw can reduce the number of hit points you gain to 0 (but not below).]
Traits: Quick [Your base land speed increases by 10 feet (if you don't have a land speed, apply the benefit to whichever of your speeds is highest).||Subtract 1 from your hit points gained at each level, including 1st (a result of 0 is possible).]
Feats: Combat Casting, Skill Focus (Concentration), Scribe Scroll, Run
HP at level 1: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0
HP at level 2: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0
HP at level 3: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0
HP at level 4: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0
HP at level 5: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0
HP at level 6: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0
HP at level ...: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0

Never a greater incentive existed to take the toughness feat.

[nedz]

Halfling Monk Grappler. The small size really helps here.

One armed TWF Ranger.

Vow of Silence Bard with Perform (Mime). No Music, No Spells.

Petal Barbarian / Warhulk.

Shining Blade of Heinousness.

[Fax Celestis]

Halfling wereweasel.

[Zaq]

Bard/Paladin/Mystic Theurge.

(Alternatively, if your GM is lax about alignments, Hexblade/Paladin/MT. Bard gets a pass because of the Devoted Performer feat in Complete Adventurer.)

[ranagrande]

Do a zookeeper build.

Perhaps something like a Martial Rogue 2/Fighter 2/Psychic Warrior 2/Erudite 1/Sorcerer 1/Variant Necromancer 1/Beastmaster 1/Beast Heart Adept 1/Beloved of Valerian 1/Skylord 1/Ashworm Dragoon 1/Waverider 1/Effigy Master 1/Knight of the Iron Glacier 1/Moonsea Sentinel 1/Aglarondan Griffonrider 1/Windrider 1

[Brookshw]

Don't know if it counts but I joking suggested to one of my players that the retired accountant he was planning for an upcoming game, named Bill, should be seeking out his long lost band mate Ted to reunite the band and bring peace to the world.

[Thrice Dead Cat]

Halfling wereweasel.

Werebadger may be more "useful" as you have another source of rage, one that very well could kill you due to the lack of control of when it starts. Coupled with a small race and the laundry list of PrCs that grant a rage-like ability, you could see a badger that gets hit that turns into a bear before getting angry enough to turn into a dinosaur! Or vice versa depending on if you prefer using your Prmeval powers first or second.

[Fax Celestis]

Bard/Paladin/Mystic Theurge.

(Alternatively, if your GM is lax about alignments, Hexblade/Paladin/MT. Bard gets a pass because of the Devoted Performer feat in Complete Adventurer.)

I see your bard/paladin/mystic theurge, and raise you divine bard/duskblade/mystic theurge.

How about Focused Specialist Abjurer (ban Necromancy and Illusion)/Master Specialist (ban Enchantment)/Red Wizard (ban Evocation)?

Oh oh oh! Warforged artificer with unarmored body/stoneblessed/renegade mastermaker/reforged/warforged juggernaut? You're a warforged who wants to be a dwarf, becomes a dwarf, then says screw this and becomes a warforged again.

[Fax Celestis]

Werebadger may be more "useful" as you have another source of rage, one that very well could kill you due to the lack of control of when it starts. Coupled with a small race and the laundry list of PrCs that grant a rage-like ability, you could see a badger that gets hit that turns into a bear before getting angry enough to turn into a dinosaur! Or vice versa depending on if you prefer using your Prmeval powers first or second.

I like wereweasel because you retain the Attach ability. Bonus pints (sic) if you pretend you're a vampire.

[Extra Anchovies]

The elf wizard (commoner if you want) who could not do an honest days work to save his life (because it might kill him).
Race: Elf
Abilities (32 point buy): STR 10, DEX 16, CON 8->6, INT 18, WIS 10, CHA 10
Flaws: Frail [Subtract 1 from the number of hit points you gain at each level. This flaw can reduce the number of hit points you gain to 0 (but not below).]
Traits: Quick [Your base land speed increases by 10 feet (if you don't have a land speed, apply the benefit to whichever of your speeds is highest).||Subtract 1 from your hit points gained at each level, including 1st (a result of 0 is possible).]
Feats: Combat Casting, Skill Focus (Concentration), Scribe Scroll, Run
HP at level 1: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0
HP at level 2: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0
HP at level 3: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0
HP at level 4: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0
HP at level 5: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0
HP at level 6: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0
HP at level ...: 4-2(con)-1(frail)-1(quick) = 0

Never a greater incentive existed to take the toughness feat.

Wizard, yes. Why? Because then the familiar is also constantly disabled.

[turbo164]

*A Barbarian 1/Bard 1/Cleric 1/Druid 1/Fighter 1/Monk 1/Paladin 1/Ranger 1/Sorceror 1/Wizard 1/startonplayershandbook2orsomething. Or roll dice to see which class you are each level up, but that would be more fun starting at level 1 rather than pulling out a premade level 14 or whatever.

*A Huge (or bigger if possible!) Rogue, who's convinced he's the sneakiest thing ever, even when he's bigger than the house he's trying to rob.

*A Jumplomancer, but replace Jump with a less-amazing thing to impress people with. Appraise maybe? "Behold, citizens, this apple...is worth PRECISELY 13.7928465 copper pieces!" *fangirl squeals* *faints* *showers of autographs* Or Concentration; "Watch me ride this shark through a hurricane...WHILE reciting the alphabet BACKWARDS!" (unfortunately a bit harder to optimize since runspeed doesn't affect other skill checks)

*A Hulking Hurler, who instead of throwing trillion-ton-planets, uses dozens of Bags of Tricks to supply his ammo. Bats, Rhinos, whatever.

*A wizard with Arcane Thesis: Stick (Spell Compendium), stacking Quickened and Repeat and whatnot. Cover the barbarian in flowers every chance you can!

[Fax Celestis]

Oh god, appraislomancy, I lold. My daughter is looking at me funny.

Possibly better: forgerlomancy. "Check out this forgery, guys! Isn't that impressive? And...now... Useless because you all know it's fake. !?#%!?."

[Thrice Dead Cat]

I like wereweasel because you retain the Attach ability. Bonus pints (sic) if you pretend you're a vampire.

That's fair. A recent post reminded me on an old project to try to get as many forms of rage or abilities that modify rage as possible on one character given at most 20 levels.


Oh god, appraislomancy, I lold. My daughter is looking at me funny.

Possibly better: forgerlomancy. "Check out this forgery, guys! Isn't that impressive? And...now... Useless because you all know it's fake. !?#%!?."

I feel like this the perfect start to a "I know a guy" story. Hell, even a campaign. The local Thieves' Guild is so out in the open because people are so inspired by random forgeries that anyone who comes across one is compelled to join their ranks. Those without any actual thieving talents are then sent out on "missions" and end up as marks for people who still got roped in but are at least somewhat decent at the whole "taking your money" thing, kind of like a recursive pyramid scheme with you at the top of it all.:smallbiggrin:

[sakuuya]

Celestial or Fiendish (or any other template that can give a vermin 3+ Int) Hairy Spider Swordsage, focused on Setting Sun. A little tarantula scurrying into foes' squares and tossing them around the battlefield. If your DM lets you play with the listed Int of --, even better. Either way, never learn a language or indicate in any way that you're anything other than an improbably awesome mundane spider.

[gooddragon1]

Wizard, yes. Why? Because then the familiar is also constantly disabled.

I wonder if tippy could work with a character like that under the ruling that he can never have more than 0 hp (even temporary hp). Probably would do diehard or something.

[...]

This is a strange one, due to the fact that it is a solid character, but it doesn't exactly help the campaign. A CE psion/whateverthatfirerelatedXPHprestigeclassis who sets literally everything on fire. He sets his enemies on fire, he sets innocents on fire, he sets towns on fire, and if the elemental plane of wood is in the cosmology, it will quickly become the elemental plane of charcoal.

[Seclora]

This is a strange one, due to the fact that it is a solid character, but it doesn't exactly help the campaign. A CE psion/whateverthatfirerelatedXPHprestigeclassis who sets literally everything on fire. He sets his enemies on fire, he sets innocents on fire, he sets towns on fire, and if the elemental plane of wood is in the cosmology, it will quickly become the elemental plane of charcoal.

Pyrokineticist, Frostburn has Cryokineticist as well.

Ooh! Dvati Pyrokineticist/Cryokineticist!


Edit: You'd need to get the alignment restriction waived though, Cryo requires Lawful and Pyro requires Chaotic. Mostly the same requirements too. It'd be a hilarious Dvati Gestalt build if your DM was open to it.

[Nousos]

Vow of Nonviolence/Peace Frenzied Berserker.

"Please don't make me angry. Seriously, PLEASE."

This might actually prove a compelling story. You could be the guy who turned his back on war and taken the vows after going berserk and slaying your old party. Bonus points if you go into Apostle of Peace, as there is still the constant threat of failing a will save, entering a frenzy, and losing all your class features.

Omg I post in a joke thread and discover my next character.

[Jacob.Tyr]

Vow of Nonviolence/Peace Frenzied Berserker.

"Please don't make me angry. Seriously, PLEASE."

This might actually prove a compelling story. You could be the guy who turned his back on war and taken the vows after going berserk and slaying your old party. Bonus points if you go into Apostle of Peace, as there is still the constant threat of failing a will save and losing all your class features.

Omg I post in a joke thread and discover my next character.

This is fantastic...

Similarly: Kender Rogue focused on thievery, with a vow of poverty and all class skills based around sneaking and stealing things. This character not only steals treasure from the party, but donates it all to her church afterwards.

Bonus points for any ACF's that get rid of useful combat abilities in exchange for being able to steal even more.

[Nousos]

This is fantastic...

Similarly: Kender Rogue focused on thievery, with a vow of poverty and all class skills based around sneaking and stealing things. This character not only steals treasure from the party, but donates it all to her church afterwards.

Bonus points for any ACF's that get rid of useful combat abilities in exchange for being able to steal even more.

Haha I'd love to see him a party with an Apostle of Peace. He pathologicly steals all of his magic items, but the apostle can't complain because he gives it to the church.

[rs2excelsior]

I've always wondered what a DM's reaction to a character who takes one (and only one) level in every single class would do. Of course, you can't do all 11 core classes due to alignment restrictions, but still.

"You're playing a level 1 fighter? Okay, cool."
"Multiclassing to Barbarian at level 2? Makes sense, I guess."
"Ranger? Really? I guess the Favored Enemy is kind of useful."
"I mean, yes, you can use sneak attacks, but I think a fourth class at level four isn't wise."
"Cleric? We really don't NEED a backup healer so much as someone... useful."
"If you really want your character to learn the lute, just spend some ranks in Perform. You REALLY don't need to multiclass to Bard..."
"You realize Sorcerer spells have a pretty high fail chance in armor..."
"...same as Wizard spells."
"And now you're a Druid, too. I guess... you know, I'm not even going to try to rationalize this."

I think that's pretty much the most useless 9th-level character ever... I'd just be curious to see how long a DM would let this go on :smallbiggrin:

[Twilightwyrm]

Make a Buomman Bard that inspires his allies, casts spells, and communicates entirely through interpretive dance. Further since he considered his dance a matter of "art", and believes in the artistic phgilosophy of "death of the author", he accepts whatever anyone thinks he is trying to communicate as an equally valid interpretation of what he is "saying".

[yoshi67]

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?361628-Collateral-Damage-Man&highlight=collateral+damage

This is a thread about creating a character so specialized it can only cast spells that do massive damage to everything. I think they eventually got it to a character that can create a tornado/hurricane miles wide that lasts for several hours, and refuses to prepare any other spells. So every time you get into a fight, you not only obliterate the enemy, you wipe out the entire town. Anyone gets mad, just look dumbfounded and say its the only spell you know...

[gooddragon1]

I've always wondered what a DM's reaction to a character who takes one (and only one) level in every single class would do. Of course, you can't do all 11 core classes due to alignment restrictions, but still.

"You're playing a level 1 fighter? Okay, cool."
"Multiclassing to Barbarian at level 2? Makes sense, I guess."
"Ranger? Really? I guess the Favored Enemy is kind of useful."
"I mean, yes, you can use sneak attacks, but I think a fourth class at level four isn't wise."
"Cleric? We really don't NEED a backup healer so much as someone... useful."
"If you really want your character to learn the lute, just spend some ranks in Perform. You REALLY don't need to multiclass to Bard..."
"You realize Sorcerer spells have a pretty high fail chance in armor..."
"...same as Wizard spells."
"And now you're a Druid, too. I guess... you know, I'm not even going to try to rationalize this."

I think that's pretty much the most useless 9th-level character ever... I'd just be curious to see how long a DM would let this go on :smallbiggrin:

That's not true, you just lose access to most of the abilities.

LG monk 1,
Paladin 1,
NG Druid 1,
Bard 1,
Cleric 1,
Barbarian 1,
Ranger 1,
Rogue 1,
Fighter 1,
Sorcerer 1,
Wizard 1

To be fair, you just have to be LG for your first 2 levels and take monk and paladin. Then go to NG for the rest. You lose out on many of the class abilities but you could still do it.

[Svata]

IIRC monk actually keeps most of its abilties. You just can't advance any further.

[Marlowe]

Petal Warblade with Spiked chain and Insightful Strike. :smallbiggrin:

[Thurbane]

Haha I'd love to see him a party with an Apostle of Peace. He pathologicly steals all of his magic items, but the apostle can't complain because he gives it to the church.

What would be hilarious is if he picked up a truncheon version of the -2 Cursed Sword. Forced to always draw it and beat people unconscious with nonlethal damage!

[Sheogoroth]

Mongrelfolk bard that specializes in racist jokes and insult comedy and dual wields rotting hams.

[AvatarVecna]

1) Mystic Theurge who specializes in blasting spells. They meditate on the intricacies of causing as many explosions as possible.

2) Psion/Thrallherd pulling off Leadership abuse via Psicrystals and cohorts with Psicrystals.

3) Any build where the fluff is based entirely around the Devoted/Ascetic feats from Complete Adventure.

[A_S]

Beguiler/Prestige Bard/Arcane Archer focused on using Imbue Arrow to shoot allies in order to heal them (for trivial amounts, of course) with Mass Cure X Wounds spells.

[torrasque666]

I actually built one of these, granted it was intended to become non-suck asap, but it still initially sucked.

Warforged Juggernaut with only a 13 in Str, 8 in Dex, 14 in Con, 18 in Int, 12 in Wis, 12 in Cha.

He was not supposed to be a Juggernaut. In game or Out.

[Diovid]

Halfling Monk Grappler. The small size really helps here.
The other day I was thinking about this, though honestly I'm not great at optimizing.

Go with something like Paladin 3 / Monk 3 / Reaping Mauler 1 / Monk +4 / Reaping Mauler +4 / x 5.

Use the 3rd Wary Swordknight Paladin substitution level (Champions of Valor), the 7th Halfling Monk substitution level (Races of the Wild) and the 1st Hin Monk substitution level (Champions of Valor web enhancement).

[HammeredWharf]

Mr. Bubbles

Be a Goliath Whirling Frenzy Barbarian / Frenzied Berserker.
Take the aquatic template, the Slow flaw, the trait that slows you down even more.
Use a whip.
Buy a small-sized pool you can sqeeze in and some servants to carry it.

You can't do much in combat, because your whip can barely damage most creatures and doesn't threaten anything. Also, your pool is in the way. If you get damaged and start frenzying and raging, you become too big for your pool (Goliath Barbarian sub levels) and fall out of it, starting to flap towards your enemies with the speed of 5 ft per move action. Too bad holding your breath requires some concentration, so you probably start suffocating immediately.

[Fable Wright]

The Always Angry Barbarian. Take the Frenzied Berserker ACF, go straight Barbarian, and keep taking effects that reduce your HP (Frail flaw, Quick trait, Grafts) until your HP is so low that you're always Frenzied. Possibly include effects that give it temp HP if it seems you have too little survivability, but be sure you can remain really, really mad.

The Paranoid Kobold. Basically, play a Kobold Artificer that has a Bottle of Air, Decanter of Endless Water, Endless Trail Rations and never leaves the Enveloping Pit it calls home. It spends all of its time setting up Folding Traps (RotD p. 124) around the edge of its hidey-hold, spring-loaded to shoot out in case the pit ever gets opened, at which point he activates them all with the same command word. The kicker, of course, is that Folding Traps actually suck, are ridiculously overpriced, and the Artificer never builds anything else. Still, it would be the most Kobold-y Kobold that ever Kobolded.

(I actually want to try this now...)

Urist McFistbeardfist. A Dwarven Monk/Kensai with the Overwhelming Attack (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/variant/classes/variantCharacterClasses.htm#overwhelmingAttack) archetype, the Decisive Strike class feature, and who focuses solely on beating people to death with his mighty beard.


Celestial or Fiendish (or any other template that can give a vermin 3+ Int) Hairy Spider Swordsage, focused on Setting Sun. A little tarantula scurrying into foes' squares and tossing them around the battlefield. If your DM lets you play with the listed Int of --, even better. Either way, never learn a language or indicate in any way that you're anything other than an improbably awesome mundane spider.

This is the single best thing I've seen all week. I will have to use this as a friendly NPC that the party encounters sometime.

EDIT:

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?361628-Collateral-Damage-Man

This is a thread about creating a character so specialized it can only cast spells that do massive damage to everything. I think they eventually got it to a character that can create a tornado/hurricane miles wide that lasts for several hours, and refuses to prepare any other spells. So every time you get into a fight, you not only obliterate the enemy, you wipe out the entire town. Anyone gets mad, just look dumbfounded and say its the only spell you know...
The exact build was here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17763931&postcount=3). It literally is a character who can cast exactly one spell... that creates a tornado sucking up everything within a 3rd of a mile, and lasts for 3 hours. For bonus points, you can turn the tornado on and off at will, meaning that all encounters that you have within the radius over next 3 hours you can deal with by just reactivating this ridiculous tornado. (The CL-boosting item mentioned was the Dragonmark Focus (3k for +2 CL, ECS). For kicks, add in an Extend Channeling Rod for 5.5k to make it last for 6 hours. Add in Dragonmark Visionary for another use of this per day, for a total of 3 uses at level 9. Use a Flaw for Ability Focus to raise the DC of the tornado. Proceed to wreck combat math forever with your DC 18+Cha Modifier CL 18+ spell that sucks up all who fail the save they repeat each round for 6d6 untyped damage + falling damage + chaotic flinging people about the battlefield. Be sure to make and stand in a one-square safe zone at the center of the effect.)

[nedz]

Anthropomorphic Bonobo Beguiler with a one track mind.

[Malroth]

Bard with Fell Animate and Requiem

Warforged-Scout Blast focused Warlock

Kobald Psionic warrior/Stoneblessed Goliath/Goliath Barbarian

Tibbit Factotum with maxed out Handle Humanoid

The Omnificier

Halfling D2 Crusader

Dwarf Battle Sorcorer with an asp familiar and Poison healing.

[KingAtomsk]

I present -for your consideration- my favorite character concept ever:

The Psionic Sandwich by Tleilaxu_Ghola

...the most optimal way to create the most un-optimal character is to use the following sequence and build:

Race: Elan
Build: Telepath 20
Feats: Any, must have EK(Astral Seed) and skill focus (craft [basket weaving])

1. Acquire a loaf of bread (2cp)
2. Turn the bread into a sandwich (craft DC 5) (probably 2 minutes)
3. Polymorph the sandwich (preferably ham with mustard, pepperoni, salami, and jalapenos) into a fuzzy little bunny. (NPC casting 1200 gp) (1 standard action)
4. Cast astral seed (10 minutes)
5. Ritualistically slay yourself with favored method of suicide. Be sure to place your storage crystal next to the sandwich turned bunny. (I prefer to be killed with a dagger to the heart... :shifty: ) (Approximately 5 rounds)
6. Use mind-switch (the 6th level power) to switch with the rabbit, while in your storage crystal. (1 std action)
7. Metamorph into a troll and smash your storage crystal (now containing the mind of a sandwich). (2 standard actions)
8. Use psychic chirurgery to remove your negative level gotten from committing suicide. (10 minutes)
9. Dismiss your metamorphosis and manifest dispel psionics on yourself (to dispel the polymorph). (2 standard actions)

Congratulations, your ascension to the sublime state of a sandwich took:
23 minutes 6 seconds and cost you 1200.02 gold pieces.

Have the BSF carry you around in his lunch sack.

[Fax Celestis]

I present -for your consideration- my favorite character concept ever:

The Psionic Sandwich by Tleilaxu_Ghola

...the most optimal way to create the most un-optimal character is to use the following sequence and build:

Race: Elan
Build: Telepath 20
Feats: Any, must have EK(Astral Seed) and skill focus (craft [basket weaving])

1. Acquire a loaf of bread (2cp)
2. Turn the bread into a sandwich (craft DC 5) (probably 2 minutes)
3. Polymorph the sandwich (preferably ham with mustard, pepperoni, salami, and jalapenos) into a fuzzy little bunny. (NPC casting 1200 gp) (1 standard action)
4. Cast astral seed (10 minutes)
5. Ritualistically slay yourself with favored method of suicide. Be sure to place your storage crystal next to the sandwich turned bunny. (I prefer to be killed with a dagger to the heart... :shifty: ) (Approximately 5 rounds)
6. Use mind-switch (the 6th level power) to switch with the rabbit, while in your storage crystal. (1 std action)
7. Metamorph into a troll and smash your storage crystal (now containing the mind of a sandwich). (2 standard actions)
8. Use psychic chirurgery to remove your negative level gotten from committing suicide. (10 minutes)
9. Dismiss your metamorphosis and manifest dispel psionics on yourself (to dispel the polymorph). (2 standard actions)

Congratulations, your ascension to the sublime state of a sandwich took:
23 minutes 6 seconds and cost you 1200.02 gold pieces.

Have the BSF carry you around in his lunch sack.

Relevant (http://cdn.frustra.org/sounds/sound_tf2/vo/heavy_sandwichtaunt10.mp3?id=1822)

[bjoern]

Not really sure what the build would be but have a guy that was his own (and his parties) worst enemy.

He has so much anxiety about failure that he somehow manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Starting a fire on a wood boat.
Sneezing at just the wrong time.
Etc

It would be fun but at the same time a challenging balancing act so as not to do something that will kill the party, just make everything harder than it needs to be.

[sakuuya]

- A Merfolk Swiftblade. Even with Haste, you'll only be flopping around on land at a speed of 10', but you're otherwise imbued with extreme magical speed.

- A Warmage or blaster Sorcerer with the fire subtype (or who is otherwise immune to fire). Drop AoE fire spells centered on yourself. For an extra-concentrated dose of stupid, fluff them as explosive flatulence.

- An unarmed Dungoncrasher Fighter, further pumping your break items check with Str bonuses, the dead levels enhancement (http://web.archive.org/web/20140720075854/https://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/cwc/20061013a), and anything else you can think of. Run through walls like a dang cartoon character, leaving perfectly you-shaped holes in your wake. Never use doors.

[Thealtruistorc]

Gelatinous cube wizard. Let's try to cast spells without an int score or limbs.

[malonkey1]

An STP Erudite Psionic Sandwich who, via transparency rules, has lost all psionic ability via manifesting disjunction on an artifact. Retraining is not allowed.

[Bonzai]

I've been working on a Crazy Cat Lady build.

Mongrel Folk Druid 1/ animal companion variant wizard 1/animal companion variant sorcerer 1 /Totemist 2/ beast master 10/ totemist 5.

Feats: share soulmeld, wild cohort, companion spell bond, natural bond, skill focus (pre-req), bonus essential, expanded soulmeld capacity.

You get 8 animal companions, all of which should be cats. With the share soulmeld feat you can give them some offensive potential... Like breathing fire or flinging wyrven spines.

Overall I see Role playing gold here.

[Milodiah]

OK everyone, I have a specific challenge for you:

Pokey-Man the half-ogre pikebard. His sole purpose in life is to squeeze every sourcebook for every reach extension technique ever.

I managed to give him 45 feet of reach with a longspear, but alas I have lost the character sheet and can't remember everything I used :smallfrown:


So...I hereby challenge y'all to match or exceed a 45' reach! First I'd like to see the most possible at level five, followed by the most possible ever.

(Note: someone here will inevitably say "why not just give him a spiked chain?" The answer is that would be a good idea, and they clearly have not been paying attention.)

[Zaq]

I've always wondered what a DM's reaction to a character who takes one (and only one) level in every single class would do. Of course, you can't do all 11 core classes due to alignment restrictions, but still.

"You're playing a level 1 fighter? Okay, cool."
"Multiclassing to Barbarian at level 2? Makes sense, I guess."
"Ranger? Really? I guess the Favored Enemy is kind of useful."
"I mean, yes, you can use sneak attacks, but I think a fourth class at level four isn't wise."
"Cleric? We really don't NEED a backup healer so much as someone... useful."
"If you really want your character to learn the lute, just spend some ranks in Perform. You REALLY don't need to multiclass to Bard..."
"You realize Sorcerer spells have a pretty high fail chance in armor..."
"...same as Wizard spells."
"And now you're a Druid, too. I guess... you know, I'm not even going to try to rationalize this."

I think that's pretty much the most useless 9th-level character ever... I'd just be curious to see how long a DM would let this go on :smallbiggrin:

I basically did this in Iron Chef once. Except for the secret ingredient, I didn't have more than 1 level in any class. (I also didn't have any base classes that gave spells, despite the secret ingredient requiring both arcane spells and divine spells. Oh, and no Factotum, because that's too easy.)

[Svata]

OK everyone, I have a specific challenge for you:

Pokey-Man the half-ogre pikebard. His sole purpose in life is to squeeze every sourcebook for every reach extension technique ever.

I managed to give him 45 feet of reach with a longspear, but alas I have lost the character sheet and can't remember everything I used :smallfrown:


So...I hereby challenge y'all to match or exceed a 45' reach! First I'd like to see the most possible at level five, followed by the most possible ever.

(Note: someone here will inevitably say "why not just give him a spiked chain?" The answer is that would be a good idea, and they clearly have not been paying attention.)

For ever-Drunken Master with a spool of endless rope. 500' reach

[Augment Tab]

I once had the idea for a female dwarf wizard with Int 11. Her name was Paula Deen the Butter Queen, and would only respond to the entire name. She knew one spell: Grease.

[daremetoidareyo]

A randy malkonvoker. Human.

Charm person is the most potent pick up trick in known existence...except charm monster. But a malkonvoker has special access.

"Look at this world: there's half orcs, half elves, half fiends, half angels, half dragons. What is the common element here? Humans can breed with anything. It is my goal to have as diverse a set of children as possible!"

or

"I am going to prove definitively that it is nurture, not nature, that makes creatures good or bad!"

When you malkonvoke the wrong gendered demon, polymorph self into a female version of yourself...get your cleric friend to geas those fiends for childsupport...

If you're ever stricken with madness, start to assume that parasites are nothing more than a different way to "give birth/sire children" and go out of your way to get infested...as safely as possible.

[Fax Celestis]

A randy malkonvoker. Human.

Charm person is the most potent pick up trick in known existence...except charm monster. But a malkonvoker has special access.

"Look at this world: there's half orcs, half elves, half fiends, half angels, half dragons. What is the common element here? Humans can breed with anything. It is my goal to have as diverse a set of children as possible!"

or

"I am going to prove definitively that it is nurture, not nature, that makes creatures good or bad!"

When you malkonvoke the wrong gendered demon, polymorph self into a female version of yourself...get your cleric friend to geas those fiends for childsupport...

If you're ever stricken with madness, start to assume that parasites are nothing more than a different way to "give birth/sire children" and go out of your way to get infested...as safely as possible.

Human: Hey elf, you look like a girl.
Elf: To a human, everything must look like a girl.
Human: What?
Elf: Half-orcs, half-ogres...
Human: ...shut up.
Dwarf: Half-dragons, half-kobolds.
Human: I said shut up!
Elf: ...
Dwarf: ...
Human: ...
Elf: Centaurs... (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/INTERSPECIESROMANCE)

[nedz]

I once had the idea for a female dwarf wizard with Int 11. Her name was Paula Deen the Butter Queen, and would only respond to the entire name. She knew one spell: Grease.

Was the spell re-fluffed as Butter ?

Reminds me of an NPC Bard with 10 Cha I assigned to a party once (Military/Fantasy campaign). He was sort of the most powerful character but only because of an item the party had which required someone with Perform (Horn) to use it.

[Augment Tab]

Necropolitan Commoner 1/Dread Necromancer X with Chicken-Infested Flaw. EWP (gnome quickrazor), Corpsecrafter, and Destructive Retribution. Convince your DM that since you're undead, the chickens you draw are also undead. Congratulations, you now have unlimited guided negative energy bombs. Swarm entire towns, kill everyone inside, take their money. Become the dreaded Lich King of Chickens.

[Zaq]

A character who wields Eagle's Claws (an exotic weapon from Sandstorm) with Rapid Shot, Throw Anything, TWF, Quick Draw, and Eagle's Fury. Oh, and Whirling Frenzy. Rapid Shot, TWF, Eagle's Fury, and Whirling Frenzy all give you penalties to hit but let you make an extra attack. You'll be making tons of attacks per turn, and all of them at a hilariously low to-hit. (Statistically, I think that you're still coming out ahead making five attacks at –8 rather than one attack at –0, but regardless. Someone else can do the math.)

Another idea: The Beacon. Find as many things as possible that make your character glowy, and use them all. Asherati, the Diadem of Purelight, that one feat from BoED that I can't remember right now, and so on. For extra fun, realize that there's nothing in the rules that says that bright light + bright light = really bright light; all of them are independent, and you're really only as bright as the biggest of them. BUT YOU DON'T CARE.

[Augment Tab]

A character who wields Eagle's Claws (an exotic weapon from Sandstorm) with Rapid Shot, Throw Anything, TWF, Quick Draw, and Eagle's Fury. Oh, and Whirling Frenzy. Rapid Shot, TWF, Eagle's Fury, and Whirling Frenzy all give you penalties to hit but let you make an extra attack. You'll be making tons of attacks per turn, and all of them at a hilariously low to-hit. (Statistically, I think that you're still coming out ahead making five attacks at –8 rather than one attack at –0, but regardless. Someone else can do the math.)

Another idea: The Beacon. Find as many things as possible that make your character glowy, and use them all. Asherati, the Diadem of Purelight, that one feat from BoED that I can't remember right now, and so on. For extra fun, realize that there's nothing in the rules that says that bright light + bright light = really bright light; all of them are independent, and you're really only as bright as the biggest of them. BUT YOU DON'T CARE.

Ghost elf is another possibility. They're from some Dragon Magazine, I think maybe 319 or something.

[...]

I present -for your consideration- my favorite character concept ever:

The Psionic Sandwich by Tleilaxu_Ghola

...the most optimal way to create the most un-optimal character is to use the following sequence and build:

Race: Elan
Build: Telepath 20
Feats: Any, must have EK(Astral Seed) and skill focus (craft [basket weaving])

1. Acquire a loaf of bread (2cp)
2. Turn the bread into a sandwich (craft DC 5) (probably 2 minutes)
3. Polymorph the sandwich (preferably ham with mustard, pepperoni, salami, and jalapenos) into a fuzzy little bunny. (NPC casting 1200 gp) (1 standard action)
4. Cast astral seed (10 minutes)
5. Ritualistically slay yourself with favored method of suicide. Be sure to place your storage crystal next to the sandwich turned bunny. (I prefer to be killed with a dagger to the heart... :shifty: ) (Approximately 5 rounds)
6. Use mind-switch (the 6th level power) to switch with the rabbit, while in your storage crystal. (1 std action)
7. Metamorph into a troll and smash your storage crystal (now containing the mind of a sandwich). (2 standard actions)
8. Use psychic chirurgery to remove your negative level gotten from committing suicide. (10 minutes)
9. Dismiss your metamorphosis and manifest dispel psionics on yourself (to dispel the polymorph). (2 standard actions)

Congratulations, your ascension to the sublime state of a sandwich took:
23 minutes 6 seconds and cost you 1200.02 gold pieces.

Have the BSF carry you around in his lunch sack.

No, be the fighter's secondary weapon.

[icefractal]

With the Psionic Sandwich Trick, I think the ridiculous move would be to be something that's very large and unwieldy. Like a giant stone Easter Island style head, or a grand piano. Don't take any kind of Flight or TK powers, instead make people carry you around.

[Arbane]

No, be the fighter's secondary weapon.

GOOD IDEA! (http://www.tf2sounds.com/1822)


- A Warmage or blaster Sorcerer with the fire subtype (or who is otherwise immune to fire). Drop AoE fire spells centered on yourself. For an extra-concentrated dose of stupid, fluff them as explosive flatulence.

Nuclear Dan (http://agc.deskslave.org/comic_viewer.html?goNumber=7), is that you?

(Last time I played a summoner-type, I decided the Dretch's Stinking Cloud was the Fart of Doom. Close enough...)

[Thurbane]

Dragonborn Drow Healer. LA +2, and Dragonborn wipes out all of the Drow special abilities. Int +2, Cha +2. And Healer is pretty much at the bottom of the tier ladder to begin with - thow LA +2 on there, and away you go.

Necropolitan Gnome Barbarian: Necropolitan wipes out your Con bonus, you would be getting d12 HD anyway, and you are a small creature with -2 Str in melee.

And just for fun, Vanara with the Winged template (LA +2) Fighter - "Fly my pretties!". :smallbiggrin:

[StoneCipher]

Master thrower that is blinded and has no blindfighting feats.

[Thurbane]

Master thrower that is blinded and has no blindfighting feats.

On that note, Grimlock Fighter/Order of the Bow Initiate. He's really great at shooting things within 40 feet, but other than that, forget about it.

[Fax Celestis]

On that note, Grimlock Fighter/Order of the Bow Initiate. He's really great at shooting things within 40 feet, but other than that, forget about it.

How about one step further? Grimlock Fighter/Cragtop Archer!

[Milodiah]

"Sergeant says to put these bells around your neck, it should help with all the friendly-fire incidents...it's kinda inevitable when our archers are operating by smell, ya know."

[Hamste]

Not really sure what the build would be but have a guy that was his own (and his parties) worst enemy.

He has so much anxiety about failure that he somehow manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Starting a fire on a wood boat.
Sneezing at just the wrong time.
Etc

It would be fun but at the same time a challenging balancing act so as not to do something that will kill the party, just make everything harder than it needs to be.

Literally be his own worst enemy. Take favored enemy: Your race (Try buffing this as much possible), a bane weapon for your race, cast an anti-life shell (assuming you are alive) and then be a general arse to everyone of your own race. If ever asked about your race, answer that you are a race that looks nothing like your own or hates your race like saying your are an orc when you are quite obviously an elf. There may be other things I'm missing but that is just the general idea.

[Thurbane]

Ogre Mage Sorcerer 1: ECL 13, with nothing but 1 level of casting and some underpowered Su and Sp powers. The only thing going for you is Regeneration - grab yourself some sort of Acid and Fire Resistance ASAP!

[Malroth]

Jermlaine Warlock2/monk x Max Hide and move silently, Grab Darkstalker from Lords of Madness and Blend into Darkness from Drow of the Underdark (use your warlock dip to grab darkness as a SLA and Devil's Sight) spend your wealth on stealth enhancers and spend most fights avoiding attention or covering the battlefield in Darkness.

[Thurbane]

Jermlaine Warlock2/monk x Max Hide and move silently, Grab Darkstalker from Lords of Madness and Blend into Darkness from Drow of the Underdark (use your warlock dip to grab darkness as a SLA and Devil's Sight) spend your wealth on stealth enhancers and spend most fights avoiding attention or covering the battlefield in Darkness.

You might as well throw the Dark template and Vecna Blooded on there too. :smallbiggrin:

[yoshi67]

A Barbarian, spend everything on the biggest adamantine weapon you can (possibly Large or bigger with strongarm bracers or similar effect), Improved Sunder, and Sunder everything.

Or a Grappler who never carries a weapon and tries to kill all enemies with their own weapon.

[Malroth]

Half Minotaur Orc Specialist Conjorer with Willing Deformity Obese and a Backpack full of Rocks loaded to his heavy load and a Humming bird/raven familiar uses Benign transportation to warp on top of enemies dealing falling damage as his main combat schtick.

[SiuiS]

Fighter1 warlock 1 Eldritch knight X (a paladin). Use hideous blow to smite evil. Far the acquire familiar feat for a mount.

Sir bearington: bear with Int 3, high disguise and bluff skills. Pretends to be a cavalier. Is actually just a bear. The first time an NPC beats his bluff or disguise check, just growl and roar, attack and run off into the wild.

Steve: an old-school stat-swap barbarian. Int/wis/Cha 3, really high physical stats. Prone to fall down when it rains and cry because he can't swim.

Asher Bruin, esquire: human Jotunbrud fighter/monk/reaping mauler. Think Armstronf from full metal alchemist, if Armstrong was a luchadore. Feats can get you Crazy places, like running, kicking off a friend, kicking off a manticore, grabbing another manticore, throwing it at the first one, grappling and pile driving a third, and stomping the ground really hard (iaijutsu unarmed attack) to break the stone ground and throwing boulders. Adding in the eventual ability to gain a feat temporarily but at will via shenanigans gets you the ability to Hulk Out, where activating that feat also activates all your Warhulk class levels.

[Nousos]

A vow of poverty artificier. Convince your dm to let you go ahead and use the wealth you gain to craft magic items, as long as you give everything you make to the poor. Some of those commoners will succumb to temptation and use those items of immense power to try and take over a kingdom. (or a BBEG just takes them away from the poor, because you know, they ARE just commoners)

You will be nothing but a drain on your party, and they will be pissed when they find out those heavily decked out golems you made and just gave away are being used to ruin their day.

Then when your party manages to win the day, you get your share of the loot, and the process repeats.

[sakuuya]

Nuclear Dan (http://agc.deskslave.org/comic_viewer.html?goNumber=7), is that you?

(Last time I played a summoner-type, I decided the Dretch's Stinking Cloud was the Fart of Doom. Close enough...)

I've been thinking of him as Le Pétomane (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane), but Nuclear Dan is also pretty accurate. And a lot of spells end up gross/juvenilely funny when fluffed as bodily secretions. Color Spray, for instance (http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120623185800/gravityfalls/images/archive/e/e1/20120623193230!S1e1_gnome_throwing_up_animated.gif )

[draken50]

I've always kind of wanted to play a pacifist fighter, nothing but trip, disarm, maybe grappling. No damage though.

Blind archer.

Cleric dedicated to apathy.

[Seppo87]

Human Commoner / Paragon Human

flaws: delicious, chicken infested

relevant feats: quick draw, flick of wrist, Vow of poverty, Knowledge Devotion

relevant skill tricks: the two skill tricks that work just like Flick of Wrist, Collector of Stories

Tactics: Extract chicken. Chicken becomes magical. Opponent is flat-footed. Use Iaijutsu Focus. Deal high damage. Repeat when possible.

Roleplaying tip: This guy is a farmer. He believes every creature he encounters is a bigger version of a farm animal he used to raise. "No man, that's not a wyvern. That's a giant chicken, can't you see?" He then proceeds to use his farmer knowledge to "tame" the animal through the use of force. This is represented by Knowledge Devotion.

[Coventry]

An Animated, Awakened wagon - bonus points if the character is named Gladys Crabtree, and claims to be the reincarnated mother of one of the other PCs.

[esbear42]

A character who insists on being refered to as the omnimancer. He has a level in as many caster classes as posible. He has a ton of 0th and 1st level spells, but must use a significant amount of time each day just preparing the spellss for all his classes.

[Malroth]

The Chee`ez clan
A Family of Dragonwrought Kobolds all using a different broken combination of Dragon rules each more broken than the last, starting with the Fairly Tame combination of Slight build, Powerful Build and Size changing to Greater Draconic rite of transformation,to epic toughness and additonal Item space to Sovergen archetypes to Scaled One Of Toril.

[nedz]

Dragonwrought Kobold Monks

[Heliomance]

That's fair. A recent post reminded me on an old project to try to get as many forms of rage or abilities that modify rage as possible on one character given at most 20 levels.


That was my thread, actually. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?105769-Don-t-make-me-angry-You-wouldn-t-like-me-when-I-m-angry)

It makes me happy someone remembered it.

I've always wondered what a DM's reaction to a character who takes one (and only one) level in every single class would do. Of course, you can't do all 11 core classes due to alignment restrictions, but still.

"You're playing a level 1 fighter? Okay, cool."
"Multiclassing to Barbarian at level 2? Makes sense, I guess."
"Ranger? Really? I guess the Favored Enemy is kind of useful."
"I mean, yes, you can use sneak attacks, but I think a fourth class at level four isn't wise."
"Cleric? We really don't NEED a backup healer so much as someone... useful."
"If you really want your character to learn the lute, just spend some ranks in Perform. You REALLY don't need to multiclass to Bard..."
"You realize Sorcerer spells have a pretty high fail chance in armor..."
"...same as Wizard spells."
"And now you're a Druid, too. I guess... you know, I'm not even going to try to rationalize this."

I think that's pretty much the most useless 9th-level character ever... I'd just be curious to see how long a DM would let this go on :smallbiggrin:

Well as soon as you take a third level in one off the classes, you suddenly have a 100% xp penalty...

As for amazing/stupid character ideas, there's always Gazebo Jones, or my Goliath drunken master with Greater Multigrab that users his enemies as improvised weapons.

Note:whenever a Drunken Master rolls a natural one on am attack roll with an improvised weapon, it "falls apart and becomes useless".