Ultimate battle: Commoner vs wizard!!!

[Xar Zarath]

A lowly 1st level commoner finds you in your study and wants to kill you because you horrible bast*** you killed his entire village for fun! Now what happens as you (20th level wizard) face off against a commoner???

[Gwendol]

How did the commoner find the wizard, and why is the wizard letting him in to his study?

[Seppo87]

Brutal melee kill.
BaB10, 100+ HP, I wouldn't even buff.

[Vhaidara]

I cast Dispel Chicken. The only way this commoner could have gotten into my tower is by using Chicken Infested.

[Eldan]

Invite him for tea. It's not as if he can actually hurt me or anything I own. Depending on the answer, either extract information from his mind on how he got past my defences or just rebuild his village in my offtime.

[Inevitability]

If Good; politely apologize that you destroyed his village. Assure him it was all for the greater good. Send your infinite number of servants to rebuild it, along with a couple of traps, pet monsters and permanent teleportation circles.

If Evil; Eternity of Torture. This commoner dared to enter your sanctum, he should expect nothing less than everlasting pain.

Chicken Infested is easily blocked by turning incorporeal (and who doesn't have a contigent incorporeality spell on himself?)

[Eldan]

If he has chicken infested, I'd be tempted to just imprison him somewhere and use him as a lifeforce battery.

[Mr Adventurer]

Brutal melee kill.
BaB10, 100+ HP, I wouldn't even buff.

Word. Do it unarmed, too, and go nuts describing the totally outlandish wrestling moves you unleash.

[With a box]

Call few solars and resurrect them all
(Its at will sla to them) and but a town for them

[Xar Zarath]

How did the commoner find the wizard, and why is the wizard letting him in to his study?

All of your defences thought that the commoner was some sort of slave or because he was pathetically weak that he didn't even trigger your spell traps...

[Xar Zarath]

For the record, you're an evil wizard who blasted his town to ashes just because you stubbed your toe...

[Segev]

First, I make sure that he doesn't have a perfectly ordinary, entirely non-magical sword, and that his parentage is not just well-known but provably not even potentially related to any lost roylaty. If I find these things to be the case, I surrender immediately. Especially if I sense otherworldly entities peering as if over sheets of extradimensional paper and eldrich cardboard screens at me.

[Eldan]

Oh. Well, if I'm that kind of wizard... laugh at him. Then hack of his limbs, put him in a cage and carry him around behind me on a floating disk as I go slaughter a few more villages while making him watch. Then I get creative with the torture.

Unless I'm busy, of course. Then I'll just imprison him a few miles underground for later.

[A.A.King]

I would animate his parents as zombies and have them kill him.

[TandemChelipeds]

I teleport both of us to the village, cast Animate Dead a few times, and let his fellow villagers take care of the rest for me.

EDIT: ninja'd

[Brookshw]

Look disapprovingly at my familiar and tell it to deal with this. Maybe get some popcorn and buff the poor guy while they fight to the death. If he wins, PAO him into the same creature to replace original familiar.

[HaikenEdge]

A lowly 1st level commoner finds you in your study and wants to kill you because you horrible bast*** you killed his entire village for fun! Now what happens as you (20th level wizard) face off against a commoner???

How did a lowly 1st level commoner get to the Astral plane? Or a genesis plane?

[Craft (Cheese)]

If he's cute, I offer him to become my newest concubine, with all the benefits that position implies. (You think shagging the DM can get you benefits? You've never shagged a god-wizard.)

I neglect to inform him of what happened to all of my previous concubines.

[prufock]

Nothing. Ignore the commoner completely, thereby letting him know his actions are completely futile.

[Telonius]

Start monologuing, obviously.

[Duboris]

Stroke my Luxurious +5 Adamantine Beard and Telekinesis him through the 847th story window into orbit.

[Inevitability]

If you want to get creative...

Plane Shift the commoner to the far realms.
Use PaO multiple times to change the commoner into a footstool.
Give the commoner as a plaything to your pet tarrasque.
Mindrape the commoner into serving as [removed due to being not board-appropriate].
Teleport the commoner onto an eternally resetting Maze trap. Every time he escapes the maze, he's flung back into it.

[nerghull]

Be creative and accept the challenge : coach him/her to be your nemesis.

[MightyPirate]

Tell him that I only slaughtered his loved ones and destroyed his home to remove any material connections that hold him back in the physical world. Explain that I will now begin his spiritual and intellectual training regime (twistedly rigorous of course) so that he may become my understudy. Every night the same thing: Good work Commoner, Excellent Progress, I'll most likely kill you in the morning. Once he's ready we sack the minions (magically mind wiping is fine too) and I take one the ruse of being his second in command until his crew trusts that he is in fact me, the 20th level god-wizard. Then I sneak off an leave him to his fate of being killed by the adventuring parties that come to avenge themselves and their loved ones because of my other misdeeds. Rinse and repeat, that was the real reason I destroy villages to begin with. That and it's fun obviously.

[OldTrees1]

I would animate his parents as zombies and have them kill him.

I would animate his parent as Dread Warriors(Enhance Undead, Corpse Crafter, Fell Energy Desecrate + altar).
Then I would Wish(via free wishes) +5 to all their stats(particularly Wisdom).
Then I would spellstitch them.

Finally I would command them to protect the commoner and watch as the mockeries of his parents drag him away for his own good.

[Sith_Happens]

I let him flail ineffectually at me for as long as he cares to while going about my normal business. As soon as he stops or if it looks like he's about to touch any of my stuff, I stab him with a thinaun dagger and use his soul as crafting XP.

[Snowbluff]

So your solution is to be the Borg.

[Shining Wrath]

Given the update that I'm evil ...

Materials for flesh ghola?
Snacks for my familiar?
Hit him with my researched variant of Flesh to Stone so that he becomes a statue, but one aware of what is going on around him, and then move him to my playground / torture chamber / harem? And turn everyone he's ever loved into zombie servants therein?
Mindrape a bad dungeon master and inspire him to use this guy's story for an NPC who the PCs kill without ever talking to?

[Phelix-Mu]

Well, in order:

1.) Yawn. Another commoner? Who would have thought that, just because I turned their entire civilization into a dragon-worshipping den of endless hedonism fueled by post-scarcity magic traps, their birth rate would have increased so much. Mental note: spread knowledge of birth control among the commoners.

2.) From an analysis standpoint, the commoner represents a few things.


a.) He's consuming precious oxygen and food. Luckily my man-eating trees still respire CO2. That's a relief.

b.) Processing power. I've been using commoner brains as computer circuits for some time now, mostly stashed away in a magic-static demiplane where they aren't influenced by magic auras (allows me to pump up their latent psionic potential as they coalesce into a group mind). So far results are promising, but as introducing new minds later in the process is problematic and risks the stability of the whole, this guy probably can't be used for that.

b.) Genetic material. Well, this all gets [censored] in a hurry, but suffice it to say that tinkering with bloodlines is a bit of a hobby. Since he's from that place I burned down (which one was it...ah, yes, thanks, familiar, that was about twenty years ago now, wasn't it), he probably is either dragonblooded or lesser planetouched. Turns out that randy celestials will even mate with planar dragons from realms unspeakable, if pressed (unfortunately had to be liquidated after some disputes about parental rights). That was an interesting... *slaps self back into present* No time for nostalgia. Needless to say, his blood needs testing. Or maybe some other bodily fluid...tee hee. And then there is that gender change spell.

d.) Flesh. Do I need any? Nah, commoners are a totally inefficient way to procure flesh. I use swift-growing flesh-trees harvested from the Far Realm, which work just fine for my custom-designed necromancy needs. After all, with all these commoners hanging out/breeding with demons, celestials, and dragons, injuries happen (and occasionally quite horrific). A source of on-demand body parts was essential, and so...yeah. He's not useful for his flesh.

On the other hand, the pet Umbral Banyan that I keep on my Plane of Shadows laboratory does seem to grow better with actual mortals feeding it. Hmm.

e.) Souls. Hmm, no, not necessary. In my own post-scarcity hedonist utopia, souls as a source of power are totally passe. I no longer base power sources around non-infinite resources such as souls or experience points.



3.) I have been sitting around with this sentient tome I borrowed from Boccob for some time now. Can't be getting lazy; even these ancient bones can get too stiff. Perhaps this commoner would be some good exercise. While there are two directions this could go in (violent or kinky), I look forward to a chance to exercise my creativity and ingenuity.

In conclusion, I doff my robes and magic stuff down to my skivvies, and politely request that the commoner "run."

Hopefully he'll last longer than the last few.

[Snowbluff]

How about I make an Ice Assassin of him, and program it to take over his old life, but be better at it than him? Maybe I spend some wishes to improve it's stats... and other attributes.

[Fax Celestis]

I'll go classical: I polymorph him into a toad.

[Kazyan]

Disintegrate. A 6th level slot sounds a bit excessive, but I was going to have to dispose of the body anyway.

[Phelix-Mu]

Tell him that I only slaughtered his loved ones and destroyed his home to remove any material connections that hold him back in the physical world. Explain that I will now begin his spiritual and intellectual training regime (twistedly rigorous of course) so that he may become my understudy. Every night the same thing: Good work Commoner, Excellent Progress, I'll most likely kill you in the morning. Once he's ready we sack the minions (magically mind wiping is fine too) and I take one the ruse of being his second in command until his crew trusts that he is in fact me, the 20th level god-wizard. Then I sneak off an leave him to his fate of being killed by the adventuring parties that come to avenge themselves and their loved ones because of my other misdeeds. Rinse and repeat, that was the real reason I destroy villages to begin with. That and it's fun obviously.

Total win reference.

[Killer Angel]

A lowly 1st level commoner finds you in your study and wants to kill you because you horrible bast*** you killed his entire village for fun!

"I'm sorry, I don't remember any of it. For you, it was the most important day of your life, but for me, it was tuesday."

[Dasgovernator]

I use a special variation of Summon Monster 1 to summon a housecat, and watch the two fight to the death. Sometimes the simplest evil is the sweetest.

[Shining Wrath]

Ultimate evil follows.

I demonstrate that he's utterly incapable of defeating me. Then I convince him that there's only one way he will ever be capable of doing so: he must become ...


a 20th level Monk.


Then I pay someone to give him the requisite training, pay an evil adventuring party to take him on as a supernumerary until he hits level 20, and when he returns believing himself now prepared for vengeance -

I demonstrate that he's utterly incapable of defeating me. Then I convince him that there's only one way he will ever be capable of doing so: he must become ...

a 20th level Truenamer.


Then I pay someone to give him the requisite training, pay an evil adventuring party to take him on as a supernumerary until he hits level 20, and when he returns believing himself now prepared for vengeance -

I demonstrate that he's utterly incapable of defeating me. Then I convince him that there's only one way he will ever be capable of doing so: he must become ...

a 20th level Paladin.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Arrange for him to have a long enough life span to work his way through all Tier 4 and worse classes.

[Aquillion]

This is a ridiculously one-sided fight that isn't even worth discussing.

I mean, seriously, how is a wizard supposed to stand up to a commoner?

If I'm playing the wizard -- well, I mean, I know I'm doomed, but I might as well try. First, my Contingency goes off (it is naturally set to protect me from commoners), attempting to teleport me to safety in my second Astral fortress. Obviously the commoner prevents this, so I cast Time Stop and Forcecage the commoner with a bunch of Delayed Blast Fireballs. After those fail to kill him and the Commoner has escaped from my cage, I will Plane Shift away; once the Commoner follows, I will Time Stop again and expend my remaining level 9 spells repeatedly Gating in things twice my level, all of which attack the Commoner at once while I Shapechange into something flying, invisible, and ethereal with a high move speed and try to flee.

One the Commoner inevitably catches up to me, I will frantically make a last-ditch effort to hit each of his saves with a save-or-die, then blast him with a massive Orb of X spell for several times his HP in damage. Having failed at that, I will fall to my knees and beg frantically and ineffectually using my magically-boosted epic diplomacy check before he finally kills me.

[Just to Browse]

Word. Do it unarmed, too, and go nuts describing the totally outlandish wrestling moves you unleash.

This would be hilarious.

EDIT: But this...


Be creative and accept the challenge : coach him/her to be your nemesis.

This is too awesome not to do.

[Judge_Worm]

Option A: I give him a powerful enchanted item from a nearby shelf (that only contains cursed magical items that change gender). Then I enthrall him(her). Lock them in a demiplane where time doesn't move while I work on a spell that causes humanoids to give birth to litters of 20 or more. After I finish the spell, I bring them back out and have them breed with my pet Gelatinous Pseudonatural Dragon. Right before birth I remove the commoner from my enthrallment. After giving birth to bizarre monstrosities I move him(her) back to his(hers) devastated village to raise their mutant spawn. I of course keep one or three for study. Years later after all the Pseudonatural Half-Dragon Jellies have grown into adulthood, some even going off to college (The Cthulhu Grant for Young Aberrations is given to students hoping to attend the illustrious Illithid Culinary Institute of Mind Dining), I take back my cursed magical item and laugh maniacally as the commoner's children turn on him believing him to have taken their "mother" away. Then of course I tell some random innkeeper hundreds miles away about the mutant outbreak, so they in turn can tell some random group of adventurers meeting for the first time in their inn about it. I then bind the commoner's shade to the village so that he watches helplessly as heroes of good slay his children. By the time the heroes get to me it will already be to late. I will have by then finished with my ascension to godhood. Probably already being a lesser or intermediate deity, the race of aberrations I created need a patron deity (remember the ones I kept? Yeah, I made more, A LOT more).


Option 1: I politely apologize (my sky high diplomacy helps here). And offer to undo the damage. Together we go back to the village and dig up the graves of everyone I killed. Then I cast flesh to stone on every corpse. I tell the commoner that this is so the bodies can be repaired before resurrection. I then hire an epic level expert to repair all the statues to perfection. Then I bring all the souls of the slain villagers back to the material realm. I use a long-lasting paralyzing spell on the commoner. Then I completely obliterate the very souls of everyone they ever knew or loved in the most vicious way imaginable right before their very eyes. Then I use stone to flesh on all the statues, and make them into flesh constructs. Then I order the constructs to pretend to be the people they have the bodies of, and to not let the commoner ever leave the village. I also create an indefinite amount of clones of the commoner so that no matter how many times they die they just come back to life in a fresh new body. Then I send the expert I hired to repair the statues back to his people with a message to let everyone know that I'm not a wizard that likes to be annoyed by petty commoners.

[Eldan]

a 20th level Truenamer.

At which point, he gets easier access to one of the strongest abilities in the game than even a wizard: Gate.

[Aliek]

Tell him that I only slaughtered his loved ones and destroyed his home to remove any material connections that hold him back in the physical world. Explain that I will now begin his spiritual and intellectual training regime (twistedly rigorous of course) so that he may become my understudy. Every night the same thing: Good work Commoner, Excellent Progress, I'll most likely kill you in the morning. Once he's ready we sack the minions (magically mind wiping is fine too) and I take one the ruse of being his second in command until his crew trusts that he is in fact me, the 20th level god-wizard. Then I sneak off an leave him to his fate of being killed by the adventuring parties that come to avenge themselves and their loved ones because of my other misdeeds. Rinse and repeat, that was the real reason I destroy villages to begin with. That and it's fun obviously.

That does indeed sound awesome, what is it a reference of? :smallbiggrin: I gotta check it sometime

[Ehcks]

I pick up my cat, and set it on the commoner's head.

[Velaryon]

Ultimate evil follows.

I demonstrate that he's utterly incapable of defeating me. Then I convince him that there's only one way he will ever be capable of doing so: he must become ...


a 20th level Monk.


Then I pay someone to give him the requisite training, pay an evil adventuring party to take him on as a supernumerary until he hits level 20, and when he returns believing himself now prepared for vengeance -

I demonstrate that he's utterly incapable of defeating me. Then I convince him that there's only one way he will ever be capable of doing so: he must become ...

a 20th level Truenamer.


Then I pay someone to give him the requisite training, pay an evil adventuring party to take him on as a supernumerary until he hits level 20, and when he returns believing himself now prepared for vengeance -

I demonstrate that he's utterly incapable of defeating me. Then I convince him that there's only one way he will ever be capable of doing so: he must become ...

a 20th level Paladin.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Arrange for him to have a long enough life span to work his way through all Tier 4 and worse classes.

I laughed at this. I think I might do it myself.

Unless I was pressed for time. In that case, I would just bludgeon him to death with a spare spellbook or something, then animate his corpse and send it off to be some 1st level character's first encounter somewhere.

[Sith_Happens]

That does indeed sound awesome, what is it a reference of? :smallbiggrin: I gotta check it sometime

The Princess Bride.

[Averis Vol]

First, I make sure that he doesn't have a perfectly ordinary, entirely non-magical sword, and that his parentage is not just well-known but provably not even potentially related to any lost roylaty. If I find these things to be the case, I surrender immediately. Especially if I sense otherworldly entities peering as if over sheets of extradimensional paper and eldrich cardboard screens at me.

I wish I could like this.

I'm going to second setting down your book, cracking your knuckles and going COMPLETELY ham on this dude and punch him into oblivion, maybe cast heroics to grab me power attack so I don't look like the scrawny loser I am, and instead look like some kung fu badass. Bruce lee sounds and combat jive optional but suggested.

[Eldan]

Psh. If people can describe a level 1 monk as a kung-fu badass... even unbuffed, you're probably a better fighter across every single relevant stat than that. Except maybe melee damage.

[toapat]

I use a special variation of Summon Monster 1 to summon a housecat, and watch the two fight to the death. Sometimes the simplest evil is the sweetest.

No, Reveal that you are, in fact, a Housecat. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?259554-Bane-of-Commoners-help)

then murder him

[Mr Adventurer]

Oh, I'm an EVIL wizard? Then still brutal kung-fu beatdown, but I spend more time gurning at the audience.

[_felagund]

baleful polymorph him to a fly which he really is to me.

[Averis Vol]

Psh. If people can describe a level 1 monk as a kung-fu badass... even unbuffed, you're probably a better fighter across every single relevant stat than that. Except maybe melee damage.

Well I mean I wouldn't, but the level 20 wizard is still most likely doing 1d3+his puny str score, which is probably less than a level 1 monk. With power attack, you can just dump all 10 of your BaB into one attack and one inch punch his sternum through his spine while doing the "Wataauuuuugh!" battle cry.

[supermonkeyjoe]

I magically alter his memories so that he believes it was he who destroyed his village to gain ultimate magic power and that I have removed his newfound powers with my superior wizardry, making him realise that he sacrificed his loved ones for naught.

Then I collect his tears to use as a spell reagent or something.

[Killer Angel]

Probably i'll transmute him in a gracious ornament for my fireplace. After all, he deserves a reward, for showing me a hole in my inner sanctum's defences.

[sideswipe]

offer him two bottles.

a bottle containing a red liquid. which would allow him to gain enough power to fight me to the death.
and a bottle containing blue liquid which allows him to make all the pain and suffering i have caused vanish, it would allow all of his loved ones back in his presence and he would forget all about the slaughter.

the red bottle contains wine.
the blue bottle contains some other liquid which is pleasant to the taste but does nothing.

if he drinks the red bottle, you take him on as an apprentice. with the knowledge that one day, you will both be gods. he can revive his family and live for eternity in his own paradise, and that at that point or just before he would probably catch up to you in power (or at least be a lot closer) and he would have a chance to kill you if he wanted too after you have given him and his loved ones eternal peace.

if he drinks the blue bottle, you mindrape him so that his memories of his parents are replaced with... you being either his mother or father (dependent on gender) and that A, his mother died in labour or B, his father died in an attack on the village when he was a baby, and died heroic-ly.
(if you are a different race then the other parent was his and he gained most of their traits).

you fill his memories with a lifetime of affection from you and coming from him, and that he believes everything you did was right. and now that he has come of age you can finally teach him as a full apprentice. (mind rape allows you to alter memories, so you could alter his memories of being a commoner into being someone with magical training, i would count this as a forced re-training into a level one wizard with no spell book) and that his spell book was being looked over to make sure that he wrote everything correctly as this is his first one.

you then scribble in (over the next few days) a bunch of cantrips and a few lvl 1's, or just get an old spell book of yours that contains such things and give it to him.

and there you have it. you spent your whole life not fathering as its a waste of time, but you are about to hit ultimate power and feel lonely so you use the guy as a progeny. the first part of his life is complete so no feeding and changing needed. he is pre taught and all.

if he is a dumbass you could just zodar abuse a +5 to int on him, then mindrape him.

since he was someone who you killed his entire family and then re-wrote his memories into calling you dad, i would say thats pretty evil.

[Aquillion]

Note that most of the ideas suggested here (aside from the fisticuffs ones) are, in fact, equally valid for being accosted by a level 20 fighter.

[Craft (Cheese)]

Note that most of the ideas suggested here (aside from the fisticuffs ones) are, in fact, equally valid for being accosted by a level 20 fighter.

shhh don't explain the joke

[Ettina]

Kill him, raise him as a zombie, use awaken undead to give him back his awareness, and then wander around giving him commands he can't disobey to help me slaughter other villages much like his own. If any others like him come, I do the same to them, until everyone in the world is either dead or undead and under my control.

[Inevitability]

Kill him, raise him as a zombie, use awaken undead to give him back his awareness, and then wander around giving him commands he can't disobey to help me slaughter other villages much like his own. If any others like him come, I do the same to them, until everyone in the world is either dead or undead and under my control.

If you want a world full of undead slaves, that's what the wightcalypse/shadowcalypse is for.

[Vogonjeltz]

A lowly 1st level commoner finds you in your study and wants to kill you because you horrible bast*** you killed his entire village for fun! Now what happens as you (20th level wizard) face off against a commoner???

As the hero of this story the commoner has plot armor, so I'm clearly doomed.

[Bad Wolf]

Eat him, resurrect his children as Slaymates.

[The Insanity]

I wake up from that silly dream, shrug, and go on about my day.

[Visivicous]

I contemplate this weak and pathetic mortal, letting out a sigh of disappointment.

If this is the sort of enemy that such a ‘mighty’ and evil wizard garnered, then I must come up with a new plan. I had hoped for adventurers! I wanted power, experience… substance. I wanted to sate my hunger!

I shake my head, and wearily stand before the commoner.

This entire endeavor has been an exercise in futility. Perhaps it is time to abandon this façade, and start anew. After all, if this pathetic wretch made it into the inner sanctum, then the tower's defenses must be breaking down. So tedious to reset and repower them all. Yes, much better to try again elsewhere.

I smile crookedly and take a few steps forward, twisting the ring on my index finger as I do.

Life as a Savant is too good, too… entertaining, to allow the little things to keep me down. Time for a light snack...

I send a mental command to my magical ring, dropping the guise of an elderly wizard, and seize the fool by his shoulders.

The look on their faces never gets old… almost makes all of this wasted effort worthwhile.


http://i.imgur.com/juBbbDI.jpg

[roko10]

Depends.

Does the commoner have Chicken Infested?

Is the wizard heavily optimized?

[Blackhawk748]

Now, im never a Wizard, except when i take one level for Versatile Spellcaster Shenanigans, for those of you that know what this entails..... :smallwink:, but id probably Mindrape him and turn him into a perfect Jukebox for me, or hurl him out the window comically, or turn him into a newt and let him get better, then do it again. Or i could just give him to my Goblin Commando lieutenant as a pet. If he is chicken infested ill just lock him into a room im going to Fabricate next to the pantry so i can have infinite chickens and thus as much fried chicken as i want.

On a side note i would them craft a bunch of ID cards for all of my minions and have my traps go off on ANYTHING that doesnt have a card. Yes this includes insects.

Edit: I forgot one, cast Tenser's Transformation and go Fist of the North Star on him

[Jormengand]

he must become ...

a 20th level Truenamer.

Ooh, careful. That many solar angels is bad for business.

[With a box]

Question to all those miderapes:
Didn't you ban enchantment?

[Blackhawk748]

I sure as the Nine Hells of Baator didnt! Then again im a Wizard 1/Sorcerer 19 :smallwink:

Though seriously i just wouldnt play a specialist, not losing that much versatility.

[Inevitability]

Question to all those miderapes:
Didn't you ban enchantment?

Nope. Elven generalist.

[Aquillion]

Nope. Elven generalist.Elven Generalist Domain Wizard, I hope!

[sideswipe]

Question to all those miderapes:
Didn't you ban enchantment?

even if i did, you can still use scrolls i believe, or a staff, or a rod.....

hmmm rod of mind rape.... does it work?

[Inevitability]

Elven Generalist Domain Wizard, I hope!

:smalleek:

Of course, of course!

[Xar Zarath]

Depends.

Does the commoner have Chicken Infested?

Is the wizard heavily optimized?

The commoner doesn't have Chicken Infested and the wizard is just your average evil 20th level archmage out to kill catgirls and stuff

[Jormengand]

The commoner doesn't have Chicken Infested and the wizard is just your average evil 20th level archmage out to kill catgirls and stuff

Archmage, you say?

Fine. I'll kill him with sonic burning hands, because I can. Or make a fireball which only affects him, and deals electricity damage. Or just shocking grasp him from 30 feet away, dealing acid damage for good measure.

Oh? Not that type of Archmage? Damn.

[Nessa Ellenesse]

I have played a few wizards over the years, but my favorate is a elf with fey heritages wizard/warmage/ ultimate magus

She looks at the common and uses charm monster spell like ability and explains that he has the wrong wizard. She then offers to get her adventuring buddies together and track down the real culpret.