Bad Hollywood Casting project: Lord of the Rings

[Altair_the_Vexed]

Imagine if the actors cast in the Lord of the Rings movies had been unsuitable. You know - great actors, but just wrong for the part...

I heard a rumour that Keanu Reeves was the original choice for Aragorn, for example.
Yeah... I suppose... maybe.... NO! What were they thinking?!
"Whoa! Naz-gul!"
Sure, that's exaggerating, but you get the point. Yeah, he can act okay in many respects, and has played Shakespearean stuff reasonably well, but his Aragorn would have been dreaful.

As a comedy exercise, I thought it might be fun to make the worst Hollywood-style casting decisions for this iconic fantasy movie.

[Totally Guy]

My Dad auditioned for Gimli.

Unfortunately he didn't get it.

[Altair_the_Vexed]

My Dad auditioned for Gimli.

Unfortunately he didn't get it.
Really? Who's your dad?

[Telonius]

You know, I think they could do almost the whole thing with the cast from Cheers.

Aragorn: Ted Danson
Legolas: Woody Harrelson
Frodo: Kelsey Grammer
Gimli: George Wendt
Gandalf: Nicholas Colasanto
Saruman: John Ratzenberger
Arwen: Bebe Neuwrith
Galadriel: Shelley Long
Eowyn: Kirstie Alley

[Amotis]

God...this thread makes my head hurt...

Frodo....Grammer?

Ow ow ow.

[Telonius]

Craft (Disturbing Mental Image) strikes again! :belkar:

[Timberwolf]

Tom Hanks as any character. It was a dark time a couple of years ago when he seemed to be in everything

[The Great Skenardo]

The worst would have been if the Beatles actually got permission from Tolkien to do their own video interpretation of the series. They were going to cast themselves as the leads:
with
+Paul McCartney as Frodo Baggins!
+Ringo Starr as Sam Gamgee
+George Harrison as Gandalf
+and John Lennon as Gollum

"It's m'precious, y'know"

[Swordguy]

I'd just pull random cast members from Vivid Studios and cast them into roles:


Frodo=Jenna Jameson
Sam=Ron Jeremy
Gandalf=y'know? I'll just stop this here thanks. I'm hurting my own head.

[Totally Guy]

Really? Who's your dad?

He's been a lackey in Doctor Who back in the Sylvester McCoy days,
A baddie on the bill,
the British Steel Man, before they went bust,
A policeman on Wycliffe
The farmer that wanted to buy the farm in Down to Earth
And the barman in the blame it on Big Dave pot noodle campaign.

No major roles anywhere, although he wrote his own script for several part drama. Got rejected everywhere, a suspiciously similar plotline appeared on Coronation Street soon after.

[Jimp]

I think that Nicholas Cage would make a great Sauron if he acted like he did in Wickerman.
"Not the bees!"
"OW my LEG"
"HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!?"
etc. . .
Terrible remake but man was it funny.
The scene at the start where it shows the ring getting cut from his finger: "OW my FINGER"

[ARMOURERERIC]

The worst would have been if the Beatles actually got permission from Tolkien to do their own video interpretation of the series. They were going to cast themselves as the leads:
with
+Paul McCartney as Frodo Baggins!
+Ringo Starr as Sam Gamgee
+George Harrison as Gandalf
+and John Lennon as Gollum

"It's m'precious, y'know"


And Yoko Ono as Gimli

[averagejoe]

My cousin and I talked about this once. Only we were specifically choosing really bad actors. If only I could remember who we picked... Mr. T was almost certainly in there. Sauruman, probably.

[ElfLad]

Daniel Radcliffe as Frodo.

I win.

[Orzel]

Chris Tucker as Legolas

Shoot shoot stab, shoot shoot stab. You're messing up the rotation.

[Dragonrider]

Any one bad casting job would kill the movie. If it really is the case that Keanu Reeves was an option, I think I would've shooed it in right then and there as not worth seeing. I remember well how awful he looked in "Much Ado About Nothing" next to Denzel Washington, Emma Thompson, and Kenneth Branagh. I fast forward through any scene with Don John in it. Except his opening scene, where we always yell over his dialogue:

"I thank you. I am not a....good actor. But I thank you. (for letting me be in your movie.)"

My point being, nothing could be worse than Keanu Reeves. NOTHING. Thank God that Peter Jackson has a brain.

[Lord of the Helms]

Well lessee:

Elijah Woods as Frodo
Orlando Bloom as anyone at all
Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn

...oh, right. They did that.

[Arcane_Secrets]

Chris Tucker as Legolas

Shoot shoot stab, shoot shoot stab. You're messing up the rotation.

Danny DeVito as Gimli
Winona Ryder as Galadriel
Alan Rickman as Elrond

[ElfLad]

Alan Rickman as Elrond
Alan Rickman's actually a good actor for somber people. He might not be the best, but he could certainly pull Elrond off.

Alan Rickman as Tom Bombadil [Super Extended Edition only]

[averagejoe]

Well lessee:

Elijah Woods as Frodo
Orlando Bloom as anyone at all
Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn

...oh, right. They did that.

BURN! and some other random words.

[Altair_the_Vexed]

Yeah, let's leave Orlando, Elijah and Liv in their roles. Can't get much sillier than that. Elijah's a great actor and all, but he was about ten years too young for the part.

I'd been thinking about how Hollywood might belive it was right to cast Keanu as Aragorn...

So I'm putting in Sean Connery as Gandalf.

I also had a vision of Hollywood execs deciding that the people of Gondor needed to be african-americans, "Like to have ethnic diversity, you know? We need to be PC." - so we'd have Morgan Freeman as Denethor, Samuel L Jackson as motherf**king Boromir, and... Denzel Washington as Faramir.

But maybe that's too far from the book for even Hollywood to go.

[pestilenceawaits]

Jake Lloyd as Frodo
Hayden Christensen as Aragorn
Will Ferrell as legolas (he played an elf before)
Tom Cruise as Sam
Madonna as Arwen
Britney Spears as Eowen
Chuck Norris as Gandolf
Steven Segall as Gimli

ugh I feel so dirty after writing these out:smallfrown:

[averagejoe]

I also had a vision of Hollywood execs deciding that the people of Gondor needed to be african-americans, "Like to have ethnic diversity, you know? We need to be PC." - so we'd have Morgan Freeman as Denethor, Samuel L Jackson as motherf**king Boromir, and... Denzel Washington as Faramir.

Dude, screw the silliness, that should have been the cast.

[Jibar]

Tom Hanks as any character. It was a dark time a couple of years ago when he seemed to be in everything


I know. I was hearing so much about Tom Hanks, somebody said celebrity, I thought "Tom Hanks"
I only realised afterwards; I had no idea who Tom Hanks was.

Also: Bill Bailly as Gimli. He actually auditioned. I would have loved that.

Heh...that Morgan Freeman - Denethor comment just made me think of my Lord of the Matrix crossover.
Trust me, dodging bullets in the mines of Moria would sell it.

[Telonius]

Jake Lloyd as Frodo
Hayden Christensen as Aragorn
Will Ferrell as legolas (he played an elf before)
Tom Cruise as Sam
Madonna as Arwen
Britney Spears as Eowen
Chuck Norris as Gandolf
Steven Segall as Gimli

ugh I feel so dirty after writing these out:smallfrown:

Oh man. I think Chuck Norris wins the thread. Hollywood might actually consider him good for Gandalf (who has a similar awesomeness level). But then that would make the scene where he gets taken out by the Balrog - who wasn't even armed with an oar - totally unbelievable.:smallbiggrin:

[pestilenceawaits]

Oh man. I think Chuck Norris wins the thread. Hollywood might actually consider him good for Gandalf (who has a similar awesomeness level). But then that would make the scene where he gets taken out by the Balrog - who wasn't even armed with an oar - totally unbelievable.:smallbiggrin:

For some reason this reminded me of the old Da bears sketch on SNL where they were playing jeopardy anmd the question was who would win between the Bears and the Bulls. Chuck vs Balrog the question time will never be able to answer.:smalltongue:

[Lord of the Helms]

BURN!ds.


That's an amazing song, but what does Deep Purple's awesomeness have to do with my post? :smalltongue:

[Hopeless]

For some reason this reminded me of the old Da bears sketch on SNL where they were playing jeopardy anmd the question was who would win between the Bears and the Bulls. Chuck vs Balrog the question time will never be able to answer.:smalltongue:

Let's get this straight if Chuck Norris HAD played Gandalf the Balrog wouldn't have survived to actually FALL into that pit and Chuck would have cut its whip before it had chance to move him a minimetre and then send the others on so he could clear out the rest of Moria as a vacation so he could cover the fact he had already imprisoned Saruman and Sauron was still trying to get his eye healed after Chuck put it out after chasing him out of the forest when hew as posing as the Necromancer...
Oh sorry went a little too far there...

[Arcane_Secrets]

Alan Rickman's actually a good actor for somber people. He might not be the best, but he could certainly pull Elrond off.

Oh, that's not really the problem-and Elrond was deadly serious. It's just that everything about Alan Rickman screams 'villain!' most of the time. He'd have made a great Mouth of Sauron.



Alan Rickman as Tom Bombadil [Super Extended Edition only]

*shudder* That's a true miscast.

[Yawielas]

OK, before I go, I have nothing against these actors, I like some of them a lot, I just think they'd be wrong for the parts:

Jamie Lee Curtis as Galadriel
Bruce Willis as Aragorn
Jack Lemmon as Gandalf
Walter Matthau as Elrond
Lindsay Lohan as Eowyn
Matthew Fox as Boromir
Reese Witherspoon as Arwen
Dustin Hoffman as Gimli
Heath Ledger as Sam
Jake Gyllenhaal as Frodo

[Amotis]

Lindsay Lohan as Eowyn


...hahahaha! :smallamused::smallfrown::smallbiggrin::smallyuk: :smalleek:

I am confused and laughing.

[Andiamo]

Bruce Willis as Aragorn

Actually, Bruce Willis as somebody (NOT Aragorn) might not have been too bad.

Boromir, possibly.

Although Sean Bean is pretty grand already.

[BoneLord]

Let's get this straight if Chuck Norris HAD played Gandalf the Balrog wouldn't have survived to actually FALL into that pit and Chuck would have cut its whip before it had chance to move him a minimetre and then send the others on so he could clear out the rest of Moria as a vacation so he could cover the fact he had already imprisoned Saruman and Sauron was still trying to get his eye healed after Chuck put it out after chasing him out of the forest when hew as posing as the Necromancer...
Oh sorry went a little too far there...
lol :smallbiggrin: :smallsmile: :smallbiggrin:


Lindsay Lohan as Eowyn
I was thinking of Jessica Alba...:smallbiggrin:
But I'd have gotten jealous/upset if I saw her kissing that Viggo Mortissen guy:smallfurious:



Seriously, what about Jet Li as Legalos? Can't you see it?:smallcool:

[EDIT]: Oh! And Rowan Atkinson for Aragorn! It'd be funny to watch him kiss Jessica Alba! :smallbiggrin:

[Woot Spitum]

Chris Tucker as Legolas

Shoot shoot stab, shoot shoot stab. You're messing up the rotation.

Chris Tucker as Gimli, Jackie Chan as Legolas.

Aragorn-Jerry Seinfeld.
Gandalf-Peter Boyle.
Frodo-Ben Stiller.
Sam-Owen Wison.
Gollum-Jack Black.
Balrog-Jim Carrey.
Arwen-Paris Hilton.
Elrond-Steve Martin.
Sarumen-Leslie Nielson.

[twipper]

Some of the suggestions above have been priceless *snicker*Hey, Everybody... GIMLI!!!*snicker*

But even bad actors can screw up and accidently make a decent movie.

There is one substitution that the series could not however have survived:

Screenplay and dialog by George Lucas.



Thank you.

[Castaras]

Keanu Reeves was the original choice for Aragorn, for example.

That block of wood was an original choice for Aragorn?

Impossible. A cat can and did act Keanu off stage. He's a crap actor.[/hateforKeanu]

[geek_2049]

Gandalf- Christopher Walken
Saruman- Al Pacino
Aragorn-Brad Pitt
Gollum-Nicolas Cage
Boromir-Ben Affleck
Faramir-Matt Damon
Denethor- Robin Williams
Galadriel-Uma Thurman
Arwen-Angelina Joile (Audrey Tautou>Liv Tyler)
Eowyn-Jennifer Aniston
Eomer- Jake Busy
Theoden-Gary Busey
Gimli-Danny DeVito
Legolas- Leonardo DiCaprio

[Amotis]

Screenplay and dialog by George Lucas.


This hurt the most out of the entire thread, not because of it being funny, but because it's true. Ow. I would cry and cry and cry...I could see the battles being ruined by that man's touch, one reserved for his own series, not LotR.

[General Leitmann]

Well lessee:

Elijah Woods as Frodo
Orlando Bloom as anyone at all
Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn

...oh, right. They did that.

I agree with Elijah Woods bit, because I seriously hate this guy with every inch of me. I think "The Good Son" did it... or was it "Mercury Rising"? Hell, either way, I hate him soo much.

Orlando Bloom did well as Legolas, though not one of my favourite actors, but seriously man, Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn just works. I challenge you to find someone who would be better in that role.


Alan Rickman's actually a good actor for somber people. He might not be the best, but he could certainly pull Elrond off.

Alan Rickman as Tom Bombadil [Super Extended Edition only]

I wouldn't have liked him that much as Elrond, but Tom Bombadil for sure. I was quite cheesed off when they cut that (and other good parts from the books) out of the film.

[Lord of the Helms]

I agree with Elijah Woods bit, because I seriously hate this guy with every inch of me. I think "The Good Son" did it... or was it "Mercury Rising"? Hell, either way, I hate him soo much.

Orlando Bloom did well as Legolas, though not one of my favourite actors, but seriously man, Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn just works. I challenge you to find someone who would be better in that role.


Let's just say my feelings towards Orlando Bloom are similar to yours towards Elijah Woods, though far more drastical.

As for Mortensen - he worked well enough as the insecure, lovesick, little-experienced late-20s dude he played in the movie. He did not work as Aragorn, though, as in "Aragorn the 90-years-old seasoned veteran fighter and leader whom men will follow into battle with blind trust, rightly so".

[Tor the Fallen]

I thought casting Agent Smith as Elrond was kinda stupid.

[Woot Spitum]

I thought casting Agent Smith as Elrond was kinda stupid.

Although, if like me, you had seen The Lord of the Rings before The Matrix, you might find Elrond being Agent Smith kinda odd.

[Tharj TreeSmiter]

Elrond could have been better and I wasn't thrilled about Liv Tyler but all the other roles were pretty good. Maybe someone prettier for Gladrial but not that big a deal.

[Arang]

Russel Crowe as Aragorn
Johnny Depp as Frodo
Seth Green as Merry
Tom Hanks as Elrond
Will Smith as Faramir

[Freelance Henchman]

Arnold Schwarzenegger as Denethor. Seriously, I could imagine him as a haughty, overproud bastard.

[Woot Spitum]

How about Steven Seagal as Boromir? I can see it now: Director: Cut! You're supposed to die in this scene! Remember? Seagal: I don't think so, dirtbag. I don't die in movies. In fact, I don't even get hurt in movies. So I kill all the orcs. And Sauron. End of story.

[Turcano]

Gandalf-Peter Boyle.

Peter Boyle is, ahem, indefinitely retired.


Screenplay and dialog by George Lucas.

You think that's bad, imagine having the screenplay by Christopher Paolini and directed by Uwe Boll.

Good Lord, I just forced a San check on myself.

[ElfLad]

Soundtrack - Aqua

[Leather_Book_Wizard]

Frodo - Micheal J. Fox ( Might not be that bad actually...)
Gandalf- William Shatner ( Might not be that bad actually...)
Gollum- Johnny Depp
Aragorn- Willy Nelson
Sam- Vin Diesel
Sauron- The dude from the subway commercials. Jered.. ???

[Eldan]

Hmm. I'll take names said before in this thread and just mix them, so the effect will be even worse.

Hugo Weaving (had to look the name up, it's elrond) as Sam.
Keanu Reeves as Gimli (It can't get worse than that, face it)
Jackie Chan as Denethor
Elijah (or however you write that) Wood as... Aragorn(:P)
Eddie Murphy as Elrond.
Arnold Schwarzenegger as Legolas.
Jack Nicholson as Frodo.
Will Smith as Gandalf.

[ElfLad]

Gandalf the Grey is no more! I am Gandalf of Bel-Air!

[Khantalas]

Sam: Mr. Anderson, let me share your burden, for it is... inevitable.

Legolas: ASTA LA VISTA, OHC!

Gimli: I am incapable of reading the script with emotion. And an accent.

Denethor: Hi-ya!

[Woot Spitum]

Gandalf the Grey is no more! I am Gandalf of Bel-Air!

Better yet, Will Smith as Fordo. I can just see the scene where he's countered by the Nazgul now...(...I got in one little fight, my momma got scared, and she said "you're movin' in with your aunt and uncle in Bel Air.")