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Adrastos42
2014-09-08, 04:32 PM
Welcome, one and all to the seventh episode of this illustrious thread series on exactly how best to make your DM cry. As usual, we are always willing to lend a kind ear to your frustrations on things that have been banned, vetoed or just plain killed off at your table. Previous threads are listed below:

[Any] Things I may no longer do while playing. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175909)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207015)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=228707)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=257965)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=293087)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VI: This Isn't A Checklist We Swear! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?335782)

Note: if you're going to use numbers, please keep the numbering in order. This means:
1) don't add sub-rules to previous numbers--people will think that number is the current one
2) look to make sure that the last post isn't a sub-rule to a previous number

I suggest using asterisks, though, as the first thread did.

Beige
2014-09-08, 04:52 PM
* when building a 5e character, I will not intentionally pick backgrounds and character classes that simply do not work together - no matter how funny the noble or sage barbarian, or the charlatan paladin is.
** My charlatanadin cannot then go on and sell himself as a paladin of a different god in a scam to displace that god in the current towns eyes and then return later on to convince them to worship his god
*** well he can, but he can't call converting worshipers a scam. no matter how much he wants to

Ryu_Bonkosi
2014-09-08, 05:24 PM
*As a DM if my climatic battle can be described as "Army of Darkness, but campier" it is vetoed.

spineyrequiem
2014-09-08, 05:50 PM
* Even if I provide a requisition request with the appropriate NATO stock number, still can't have a Challenger II
* Can't do anything I saw on Skippy's List (http://skippyslist.com/list/) either.
* Even if the Americans have plenty to go around, they still don't look kindly on me 'borrowing' their tanks.
* If we haven't been issued with an LMG, can't just weld a couple of fans to an assault rifle fitted with a drum mag and bipod (even if it would totally have worked to keep it cool)

* If we can't open a chest, not allowed to just pick it up and carry it with us for the rest of the dungeon crawl
** Especially not allowed to do this with multiple chests
*** Can't use Fly and the impregnable chests for an impromptu aerial bombardment.

* We don't need to check that everyone's named all their clothes before going on a dungeon crawl
** Nor do we need signed permission from our parents

Psykenthrope
2014-09-08, 06:09 PM
*I may no longer make jokes about falling moons or creepy masks whenever someone says it's the start of the third day.
Edit: (Of travel, of investigating a town, etc.)

Ksheep
2014-09-08, 06:35 PM
* When a player decides to play as Zoey from Left 4 Dead, complete with shotguns, in a standard fantasy setting, I shouldn't complain
** Especially when I had previously tried to play a Lolth-touched Centaur War Hulk/Hulking Hurler when said player was DM'ing

unseenmage
2014-09-08, 07:22 PM
* No longer allowed to "show interest" in a fledgling PbP game to the point of killing said game.
** Regardless of how useful the info would be, no longer allowed to ask enough questions of newbie DMs to scare them away.
*** Absolutely not allowed to DM & play said games by myself just because I stubbornly refuse to let the game die.

Adrastos42
2014-09-08, 08:42 PM
* I should refrain from hiring an order of elite assassins, fabled for their 100% success rate, to kill the party "to help keep us on our toes".
** No, the fact that I included myself in the kill order does not make it any better.
*** As it turns out, revealing that I appropriated party funds to hire the assassins will not get me hailed as a paragon of worthy usage of shared resources.
**** It may however cause the party to pool their remaining resources to hire more assassins to kill just me.
***** Cannot then spin this as "helping the party work together in a time of strife" and claim the whole thing was a success.

GPuzzle
2014-09-08, 09:51 PM
*No longer allowed to man a cannon.
**No longer allowed to man the canon.
***No, not even then.

Prince Raven
2014-09-08, 10:52 PM
*No longer allowed to man a cannon.
**No longer allowed to man the canon.
***No, not even then.

*** No longer allowed to fire the canon man out of a manned cannon

Hyena
2014-09-08, 11:09 PM
* If I plan on tanking in the battle, the appropriate declaration is "I use my Draw Fire talent", not "I ENDURE, BITCH".
** "Immortality" and "murder" are not force traditions I can specialize in.
*** My character is not to be refered as Darth Tankred.

Sith_Happens
2014-09-09, 12:21 AM
* If the character whose concept is "generic anime action hero" is the straight-man of the party, something has gone horribly wrong.

Hyena
2014-09-09, 12:29 AM
** If a sith whose catchphrase is "Murder." is the most sane member of the party, something has gone seriously wrong.

The other party members are bat**** insane twi'lek with affinity for explosions, nudist pilot, who wants to create life FOR SCIENCE, and a catman, who literally takes 200kg of guns and ammo everywhere he walks.

toapat
2014-09-09, 02:54 AM
*Just because i can choose DnD (5th Ed) as a tool/gameset proficiency doesnt mean i should
**Even if i am a Wizard with the Hermit background
***Expecially if my revelation of the cosmos is that we live in a universe being played in DnD
****Not to preach the end of the world as a result of a natural 1
*****Not to Recurse the game into playing the game we are currently playing.
******not to narrate over the DM's narration.


and a catman, who literally takes 200kg of guns and ammo everywhere he walks.

Hes not insane, hes just prepared

Socksy
2014-09-09, 08:29 AM
* If I take ranks in Profession (Seamstress), I'd better have a needle.
** This applies doubly if the DM reads Terry Pratchett's books

Ionbound
2014-09-09, 08:33 AM
***From now on, I must play Needlewomen. Not seamstresses.
****Masseuses and 'Bakers that specialize in the tuppenny upright' are right out.

DigoDragon
2014-09-09, 09:17 AM
* I am no longer allowed to successfully convince the GM that his die roll was photoshopped.
** Especially when we're playing together at the table.

PrincessCupcake
2014-09-09, 09:42 AM
3.5
*I better have a good reason for having any of the following: Perform, Profession (masseuse), or Craft (Poison) if I am the Paladin.

*The INT 10 Paladin better not be the only one with ranks in Knowledge Skills, Craft, or Linguistics.
**The INT 8 Were-crocodile does not count if the party size is above 2.
***If a Wizard or Bard is present, someone will be hit with a book.
****If APL is 10 and party size is 8, your first encounter is a Terrasque.

4e
*If the Fighter is making magic items and the Artificer is not, something is fundamentally wrong.

PF
*No you may not qualify for Chevalier at level 2
**Even if you meet the requirements

FlyingScanian
2014-09-09, 11:03 AM
*"Two of everything in the armoury" is not a valid answer for the question "How is [your character] armed?"
**This goes double if the game is DnD and the armoury referenced is from Dark Heresy
***Or Deathwatch
****Or ANYTHING Warhammer 40k-related. You do in fact not have two earthshaker cannons.
**Put away the lightsaber.

gom jabbarwocky
2014-09-09, 11:08 AM
* When witnessing a werewolf in transformation, no flash photography, please.

(Especially when the entire party is attempting to hide and this gives away your position.)

Deremir
2014-09-09, 11:37 AM
*not aloud to play a summoner with a bubble edolon.
**not aloud to play a kender, their ridiculous homebrew.
***not aloud to obsessively: steal, collect, lie, or acquire power.
****not aloud to obsessively do anything.
*****not aloud to have plans to do anything.
******when the player famed for always coming up with some ridiculous and obstructive character design decides to play a strait druid the dm has the right to be suspicious.

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-09, 11:44 AM
*When a player says they want to play an elf, the correct response is not "well, someone needs to die first."
**They also do not have to roll to resist the urge to steal babies.

*There is no prestige class called "GM's girlfriend"
**I am to check the GM's orientation before I attempt to qualify.

Beige
2014-09-09, 12:14 PM
**They also do not have to roll to resist the urge to steal babies..

of course not, that's the faries :smallbiggrin:

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-09, 01:10 PM
of course not, that's the faries :smallbiggrin:

At least in D&D elves have enough fairy characteristics that you can run them as sidhe instead of älfar (I think that's spelt correctly), which I tend to do.

Also:
*I am no longer allowed to argue about the qualities of the seelie and unseelie. (Specifically, if seelie are good)
*If I have to explain the myth my character is based upon, it is vetoed.
**The description cannot start "he's sort of the Irish Heracles, but not as strong, and far better with women"
*If I have invited the girl I have a crush on to the campaign I should check the cover of my hitchhiker's guide.
**If I am the GM I may ignore the advice it provides.
***The correct response is not "also invite the boy I have a crush on".

Rater202
2014-09-09, 04:46 PM
*When my Character is a Scion of Iris, Greek Goddess of Rainbows, and I've got a lot of purview ranks in sky and psychopomp, as well as maxed out dex and epic dex, and I'm trying to come up with a 3-die stunt on a flying check, the Sonic Rainboom should have been my first choice, not the one an other forum poster suggested.

DigoDragon
2014-09-09, 07:40 PM
* I am no longer allowed to play as a Postman.
** My job is not to deliver the mail.
*** The mail is not slang for dealing damage.
**** Damage is not a tangible thing you can mail.
***** Nor can I return it to sender in mid-attack for improper postage.
****** I am banned from watching Kevin Costner movies before playing Fallout Equestria.

Ionbound
2014-09-09, 08:07 PM
*Not allowed to have an 800 HD Undead minion at level 8.
**Or...Ever, for that matter.

Sartharina
2014-09-09, 08:29 PM
** If a sith whose catchphrase is "Murder." is the most sane member of the party, something has gone seriously wrong.

The other party members are bat**** insane twi'lek with affinity for explosions, nudist pilot, who wants to create life FOR SCIENCE, and a catman, who literally takes 200kg of guns and ammo everywhere he walks.

Okay. I like your group already.

ideasmith
2014-09-09, 08:58 PM
* My ranger may have favored enemy (lagomorphs).
** My ranger with favored enemy (lagomorphs) may not have rhotacism.
*** My rhotic ranger with favored enemy (lagomorphs) must have a full head of hair.
**** My bald, rhotic ranger with favored enemy (lagomorphs) may not, under any circumstances, utter the sentence “be vewwy, vewwy, quiet, I’m hunting wabbit”.
***** If I do, and the party has to deal with bugs bunny, I should expect to get blamed for it.

calam
2014-09-09, 10:50 PM
All from a single pathfinder game or discussions about it. I probably missed some stuff though

Giving away other party members to an angry barbarian tribe is not "a solid negotiation tactic"
*especially if my character's a paladin
**Even if she was the one to get them angry int the first place

No matter how consensual my paladin can now only use his manacles on prisoners

Even after I glammered my armor male stripper is not an appropriate clothing choice

I can't taunt the rogue player with a list of classes better suited for his role

I can't brag to the ninja about how he spent years training for his class while my paladin gets all his abilities from an hour on his knees

I can no longer describe prayer as an hour on my knees

Other players saying geas is not a good use of a spell slot doesn't mean I take it as a challenge.

Ryu_Bonkosi
2014-09-09, 11:51 PM
All from a single pathfinder game or discussions about it. I probably missed some stuff though

Giving away other party members to an angry barbarian tribe is not "a solid negotiation tactic"
*especially if my character's a paladin
**Even if she was the one to get them angry int the first place

No matter how consensual my paladin can now only use his manacles on prisoners

Even after I glammered my armor male stripper is not an appropriate clothing choice

I can't taunt the rogue player with a list of classes better suited for his role

I can't brag to the ninja about how he spent years training for his class while my paladin gets all his abilities from an hour on his knees

I can no longer describe prayer as an hour on my knees

Other players saying geas is not a good use of a spell slot doesn't mean I take it as a challenge.


I spent way too long trying to read this as a run on sentence due to the lack of punctuation.


*Not allowed to try to play Paranoia while the DM is running D&D 3.5.
**Especially when the other players aren't aware that I'm doing it either.
***Same applies for Call of Cthulhu.
****Same applies for Every one is John.
*****Especially when you are using /b/ as the voices.

Ksheep
2014-09-10, 12:03 AM
* When a player insists that he get to roll a Knowledge check, I should let him do so
** Even if he doesn't have any ranks in it
*** Even if his INT modifier is negative
**** Even if his dice have been rolling poorly all night
***** When said player ends up rolling a negative on the check, the correct response is "You don't know anything". I am NOT allowed to just make up a completely fantastical tale that has nothing to do with the truth of the matter and say that this character believes in it wholeheartedly
****** Especially when said tale includes the newly met character actually being a god in physical form, and that if the player steals said characters pants that the player can gain all the powers of said god.
******* The player is allowed to make a Sense Motive check next time I do this
******** If the Sense Motive rolls ALSO winds up being negative, then I guess they do believe everything I said

Sith_Happens
2014-09-10, 12:11 AM
* If I allow a PC to buy a wand of Guidance of the Avatar, I relinquish all right to complain when they use it to haggle on all subsequent purchases.

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-10, 01:10 AM
* I am no longer allowed to play as a Postman.
** My job is not to deliver the mail.
*** The mail is not slang for dealing damage.
**** Damage is not a tangible thing you can mail.
***** Nor can I return it to sender in mid-attack for improper postage.
****** I am banned from watching Kevin Costner movies before playing Fallout Equestria.

******* If for whatever reason I am near a carpenter, I do not have "a letter, a letter for them"

Ionbound
2014-09-10, 09:51 AM
*Not allowed to have an 800 HD Undead minion at level 8.
**Or...Ever, for that matter.

More from the same arguement:

***When asked to tone down said minion, my excuse cannot be 'I'm too squishy, I need a bodyguard'
****Especially when I'm playing a Necropolitan

cesius
2014-09-10, 11:38 AM
* I can't use the number of paladin's after me as evidence that I'm playing a "serious" gnome for once.
** I can't use Tucker's Kobolds with the Draconic Rite of Passage (Power Word Pain) to segue into, "Now let me tell you about Geist".
*** The party is not allowed to refer to the Adventurer's Guild as the Murderhobo Union nor are they allowed to refer to the Square of Warriors as Murderhobo Central.
**** The rest of the Deathwatch Kill-Team is not allowed to follow the Black Templar's example when he refuses to use Dodge and never gets seriously wounded.
***** Hellfire rounds are a privilege not a right and referring to the Black Shield Watch-Captain as "totally a Fallen Angel, huh, huh, nudge, nudge," to the Dark Angel will result in that losing that privilege.
****** The Tallarn Two-Step is not a valid dance request for an Upper Hive masquerade.
******* Nurglings in the Outhouse is not "basically" Dogs in the Vineyard.
******** I cannot befriend the Power of Sneezes for the sole purpose of making interactions with my Imperator easier.
********* I cannot start counter-monologuing the bad guy... not even with a musical number.
********** I cannot declare my ax in their sternum as a metal interlude.
*********** I cannot declare "A mancrush on Gimli" to qualify for Dwarven Paragon.

PrincessCupcake
2014-09-10, 12:17 PM
and some Shadowrun:
*Optimizing a Street Samurai to be a tank is acceptable
**Grinning at six mooks with machine guns is making the GM suspicious
***If I need to borrow dice from three people to make a dodge roll, I am arbitrarily getting limited.
****If my street samurai needs new armor and is still standing, I have done my job too well.
*****Especially if I am not a troll.

*It is advisable to make sure the technomancer can operate a vehicle before giving him control remotely.
**doubly so for anything that can achieve flight.
***Triply so if it is carrying any form of explosives.

*If I ruin an ambush on the party with more than two of the following in combination: "Armored Car", "Cyberware scanner", "Thermal Imaging", "Antioch Grenade Launcher", and "Targeting Assistance", we are getting hacked.
**If the words "Steel Lynx", "Minigun", "Edge point", and "Fire Elemental" are added, our ambushers are now dragons.
*** adding "18-Wheeler", "Plastic explosives", and "remote acceleration" is overkill.

*may not attach assault rifles to any drone smaller than a beagle.

*Fragmentation grenades are not a proper substitute for an escape plan. Adding fire, mind control magic, and gecko tape however...

:biggrin:

Beige
2014-09-10, 12:33 PM
More from the same arguement:

***When asked to tone down said minion, my excuse cannot be 'I'm too squishy, I need a bodyguard'
****Especially when I'm playing a Necropolitan

pretty sure I'm the one who should be posting that :smallbiggrin:

though in D's defence, it wasn't one 800 HD undead - it was 16 48 hit dice ones XD

Socksy
2014-09-10, 01:35 PM
* The Paladin's girlfriend does not "need to be squared in order to make her real".
** She may be complex, that doesn't mean we "need to find the other conjugate and multiply them".
*** She does not sin. She is dating a Paladin. She does not "tan times cos" either.
**** She is not "sec(C) and she knows it".
***** She's not irrational either
****** Banned from working on my NPCs within one day of studying maths.
******* Banned from maths themed NPCs

illyahr
2014-09-10, 01:59 PM
* The Paladin's girlfriend does not "need to be squared in order to make her real".
** She may be complex, that doesn't mean we "need to find the other conjugate and multiply them".
*** She does not sin. She is dating a Paladin. She does not "tan times cos" either.
**** She is not "sec(C) and she knows it".
***** She's not irrational either
****** Banned from working on my NPCs within one day of studying maths.
******* Banned from maths themed NPCs

Is it bad I know what you did there? :smalltongue:

Socksy
2014-09-10, 03:30 PM
Is it bad I know what you did there? :smalltongue:

Nope, it just makes you awesome. And also the target of maths puns if I decide I just have to tell someone. :smallcool:

Afool
2014-09-10, 04:59 PM
and some Shadowrun:
*Optimizing a Street Samurai to be a tank is acceptable
**Grinning at six mooks with machine guns is making the GM suspicious
***If I need to borrow dice from three people to make a dodge roll, I am arbitrarily getting limited.
****If my street samurai needs new armor and is still standing, I have done my job too well.
*****Especially if I am not a troll.


:biggrin:

******If my troll is able to withstand a railgun shot to the chest from effectively point blank range and barely have a scratch on him, something has gone horribly horribly right.

GPuzzle
2014-09-10, 06:59 PM
*Under no circunstances, the Troll's theme song is this one. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTSA_sWGM44)
**It's not this one either. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

Ionbound
2014-09-10, 07:01 PM
***This one is right out. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCAFD8mMqls)

Beige
2014-09-10, 07:23 PM
***This one is right out. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCAFD8mMqls)

what...but...

my brain.

bwah

* I am not allowed to require each of my players to have a theme song
** nor may the bbeg have his own walk cycle song

Ionbound
2014-09-10, 07:25 PM
what...but...

my brain.

bwah

That's what I said when I saw that for the first time too. To be fair, it is from the Witcher.

razorfloss
2014-09-10, 08:06 PM
***This one is right out. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCAFD8mMqls)

what does it say that that is the most normal link thing i've clicked on today

DigoDragon
2014-09-11, 07:44 AM
* Banned from maths themed NPCs

Those were exponentially beautiful. I'm going to record them in my log.

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-11, 08:03 AM
Those were exponentially beautiful. I'm going to record them in my log.

These maths jokes are reaching my limit. Several of the numbers just aren't natural.

Although I may actually pull the mathemagician out for a game soon.

* if I make the joke at the table, I should make sure it's one the history student understands.
** or the foreigners for that matter.
*** the above applies for making the characters play mornington crescent.
**** the password to enter the hideout is not "one song to the tune of another"
***** nor is it a haunting melody on a swanny whistle and a kazoo.
****** the games "shadowrunner's song book", "murderhobo's book club" and "inquisitor's film club" are taking it too far.
******* no more radio 4 within a day of writing or hosting the adventure.
******** iPlayer is also banned.

Sartharina
2014-09-11, 01:37 PM
**** the password to enter the hideout is not "one song to the tune of another"*No longer allowed to sing "America The Beautiful" to the tune of "Gilligan's Island", nor vice-versa.
**Abusing common meter for comical effect is prohibited at the table.
*** Not allowed to drink at the table. There is no room for the "Star Spangled Banner" in any of our settings, and I keep forgetting the first verse and substituting in the Fourth verse instead anyway.

8balls
2014-09-11, 04:14 PM
* If a child or teenager NPC in a modern game tells me he's a gangsta I am not to assume that this is true and shoot him in the face.
** Nor can I put him in the trunk of the car, drive to a very bad neighborhood and then throw him out drive off if he tells me he's from the ghetto.
*** If said campaign is urban fantasy one and I get a wish I cannot wish that baseball hats burst into flames when purposefully tilted and/or worn backwards

Mrc.
2014-09-11, 07:08 PM
*When asked what the differences are between 3.5 and ShadowRun, I must answer truthfully.
**If I don't, it's entirely my fault we all die horribly within about ten minutes of starting the new campaign.
***The fact that my reaction to Food Fight was "Screw it, I'm eating elsewhere" does not help my cause.

Likely to be absent for quite a while so I'll suggest this now:

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VIII: You Remind Me Of The Babe

Rater202
2014-09-11, 09:43 PM
*When the Quest giver refuses to answer any questions asked of him about what thj potentially illegal actions he wants us to do are, I'm not to threaten to incinerate him crotch first.
**Even if we're already in trouble and were supposed to be meeting with an authority figure to provide testimony when the Quest giver aproched us.

kopout
2014-09-11, 10:11 PM
* no part of the eye is an "object" for spell targeting purposes
** The lungs are likewise not a "container" as far as create water is concerned
*** I need line of sight anyway, if I have it on the inside of any vital organ they're dead enough already
* No infusions are not technically arcane spells, I still have to pay for the arcane spell components

DigoDragon
2014-09-12, 12:17 PM
* When the party is tasked to take out a group of 50 opponents, no longer allowed to ask for each one's name from the GM.
** Also not allowed to divvy targets to the party by last name and kill count.
*** Especially when the party doctor still has the most kills.

Ksheep
2014-09-13, 01:11 AM
*I may not play a character named Titin
**I may not insist that people call me by my full name
***Especislly when it takes three hours to say
****I may not sign any paperwork with my full name
*****Especially since it would take several sheets of paper to write out

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-13, 04:29 AM
*I may not play a character named Titin
**I may not insist that people call me by my full name
***Especislly when it takes three hours to say
****I may not sign any paperwork with my full name
*****Especially since it would take several sheets of paper to write out

****** I may not add more names to my collection, even if I'm a few hundred years old.
******* If everyone decides to call my character "Sally" I am to take that as "use a shorter name".

Socksy
2014-09-13, 04:33 AM
******* If everyone decides to call my character "Sally" I am to take that as "use a shorter name".

******** The Black Ribboners aren't a thing in D&D.
********* And no, vampires do not work like that.

Sith_Happens
2014-09-13, 05:03 AM
* The party is hereby prohibited from accepting NPC followers until we can properly keep track of the ones we already have.
** The next time we have to ask "Wait, what's [NPC] been doing this whole time?" or any variation thereof, the answer will be "Experiencing rigor mortis after trying to stick close to you and, for a time, succeeding."

unseenmage
2014-09-13, 11:28 AM
* The party is hereby prohibited from accepting NPC followers until we can properly keep track of the ones we already have.
** The next time we have to ask "Wait, what's [NPC] been doing this whole time?" or any variation thereof, the answer will be "Experiencing rigor mortis after trying to stick close to you and, for a time, succeeding."

That their consciousness is still in their body as it goes through rigor mortis so they actually experience it is horrifying.

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-13, 11:58 AM
******** The Black Ribboners aren't a thing in D&D.
********* And no, vampires do not work like that.

********** "Commander Limes" is no longer a valid character.
*********** The same goes for "Lord Bettenari".
************ "Ridiculy the sort of greenish-purple" is right out.

Socksy
2014-09-13, 01:43 PM
********** "Commander Limes" is no longer a valid character.

*********** Neither is "Commander Lemon"
************ His powers would certainly not involve parties or fanfictions.
************* Didn't we ban this in the last thread anyway?

Ionbound
2014-09-13, 01:48 PM
*********** Neither is "Commander Lemon"
************ His powers would certainly not involve parties or fanfictions.
************* Didn't we ban this in the last thread anyway?

**************Commander Vines is right out
***************As is a Captain Tuber who is secretly the heir.
****************I just said he was banned, why are you making a werewolf girlfriend for him!?

Hyena
2014-09-13, 01:59 PM
Let's keep it short.

* May not make unfunny pop-cultural references.

LokiRagnarok
2014-09-13, 02:47 PM
** funny pop-cultural references, however, will be rewarded
*** the decision what is funny and what isn't is up to the Computer from Paranoia.

Ksheep
2014-09-13, 03:00 PM
** funny pop-cultural references, however, will be rewarded
*** the decision what is funny and what isn't is up to the Computer from Paranoia.

**** No, you do NOT have the proper authorization to see the final decision
***** Rewards and punishments will be doled out at an unspecified time in the future, likely when you least expect it
****** No, the punishment is NOT the Spanish Inquisition

Recherché
2014-09-13, 03:19 PM
**************Commander Vines is right out
***************As is a Captain Tuber who is secretly the heir.
****************I just said he was banned, why are you making a werewolf girlfriend for him!?

*****************Granny Stormwax is just wrong

Esprit15
2014-09-13, 03:45 PM
* Thri-Kreen are not named after candy, just because the party Thei-Kreen was named Tic-Tac.
** Making their brother a two headed Thri-Kreen with one head named Reeses and the other Pieces is particularly bad.

* The Thri-Kreen should not be the smartest member of the party.
** The Factotum is not a substitute for a real caster.

* Naming my monk Soh Cah'Toa is hilarious. Also, rocks fall, Soh dies.

Ksheep
2014-09-13, 04:29 PM
*****************Granny Stormwax is just wrong

****************** As is Damp von Rimtoupee

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-13, 04:44 PM
*****************Granny Stormwax is just wrong

****************** Tiffiny Hurting will get me slapped.

* Yes, you can play a pixie.
** Yes, you can take a wingless flaw.
*** Specialising in swordplay? Okay.
**** Stop pronouncing it pictsie.
***** Why do you want your sword to glow when lawyers are near?
****** Compulsion: stealing cows, "ships" and chickens is not allowed!

Socksy
2014-09-13, 06:26 PM
* Naming my monk Soh Cah'Toa is hilarious.

** Naming my monk "How I need a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy lectures involving quantum mechanics" is not.

Rater202
2014-09-13, 09:56 PM
I DO NOT HAVE TO SPEAK IN ALL CAPS TO DEMONSTRATE MY UNIQUE MANNER OF SPEECH.
*Not even if I'm a nonmortal otherworldly being of immense power

Ksheep
2014-09-13, 11:44 PM
* Government creation does not require a successful Constitution check to succeed

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-14, 03:45 AM
* Government creation does not require a successful Constitution check to succeed

*chuckle*

** It's MAGNA Carta, not Magma Carta.
*** Even if you are all dwarves.
**** The next time you guys play Englishmen, you are getting shipped off to Australia.
***** No singing anything to the tune of "Yellow Submarine"!

kopout
2014-09-14, 11:38 AM
***its also not Manga Carta

Taet
2014-09-14, 12:26 PM
*Not allowed to pick another person's mini off the table.
**Not when it belongs to the player who is going to betray us because that is what he does.
***Not supposed to give it to the guy who is painting other minis in between turns.
****Not to put it back down with its new colors facing us instead of facing the BBEG. :smallcool:

Adrastos42
2014-09-14, 06:14 PM
****Not to put it back down with its new colors facing us instead of facing the BBEG. :smallcool:

Though if that was planned and done after the betrayal instead, it would be pretty cool.

DigoDragon
2014-09-14, 08:12 PM
* Government creation does not require a successful Constitution check to succeed

Haha, that is awesome.


* The proper response to gang violence is not to arm the local homeless population with weapons.
** Especially with alien weapons which can blow holes into the police cars that will inevitably show up.
*** If the weaponry I arm the homeless with was illegal on my homeworld, I'm not to assume those rules only apply to my homeworld.
**** Plasma flame throwers are illegal on any planet.

Esprit15
2014-09-14, 08:28 PM
* My group cannot be trusted to take being a vampire seriously.

** Banging down a door (using a dead body) screaming "Please look at my face!" because the commoner actually made his will save and then slammed the door in my face is bad.

** Don't shake people's hands as a vampire. Or tap them on the shoulder. Especially if they are a little girl.

*** When you do tap a little girl on the shoulder and she dies from negative levels, and you're forced to destroy her body in order to prevent the resulting ghoul from murdering her family, your alignment will go into a very bad part of the evil alignment.

** Bring enough people to drive the cart for your coffins that you can just cycle through them during feeding. Otherwise, when you go into town to find a replacement driver, you may accidentally find one of the scariest undead hunters in the land.

** At will Dominate Person is too hilarious for our group to take seriously.

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-14, 09:09 PM
* Notes to the GM are a privilege, not a right.
** If I split the party one more time the privilege will be withdrawn.
*** I can no longer play the party scout.
**** Or the thief.
***** Nobody else at the table cares about metagaming!

Erik Vale
2014-09-14, 09:32 PM
*Yes you can play a inch tall character.
**Yes, you can be a rogue who's smaller than her lockpicks.
***No, despite player requests, you don't ride/poledance your lockpick until the door opens.

Sith_Happens
2014-09-15, 06:16 AM
* I may not take advantage of the fact that Resist Energy only prevents being hurt by fire, not being on fire in the first place.
** The ninjas are now fire-resistant too, and therefore can catch me while I'm on fire.
** I may no longer benefit from Resist Energy (Fire).

Hyena
2014-09-16, 01:20 AM
* When I told DM that my character is a wise prince, I should have clarified that he is going to be The Wise Prince (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prince)

* If I'm such a fan of Monty Python that I'm starting to make unintentional references to the Holy Grail, I'm forever banned from RPGs.
** My character is a comically serious knight with three funny sidekicks. I've deserved everything.

Mnemophage
2014-09-16, 02:12 AM
- No amount of biology lecturing, regardless of how exhaustively researched it is, will permit me to cause cancer with the Heal Other Force skill.
-- Powerpoint presentations will earn me Dark Side points.

- If I can succeed on a DC 28 skill check, at level 3, with a 5 on the dice, it is time to retire that character.

- Any character background that includes the words 'Newfoundland death fleet' dies before any dice are rolled.

- Acceptable GM bribes include wine, chocolate-chip cookies and Magic cards. Unacceptable GM bribes include dollar-store pepperoni, my old Neopet and anything fashioned out of cat hair.

- If my cat-person warlord licks her wounds when spending a healing surge, Inspiring Words are absolutely never to be parsed as licking anyone else's wounds.

- Tribbles are not an acceptable field substitution for sandwich rolls.

Silus
2014-09-16, 07:30 AM
For a theoretical BESM game:

*I may never utter the phrase: "Okay so the Spiral Power powered Gundams have been infused with Dust coated Life Fibers..."
**Compiling a remix of "Red Like Roses", "Row Row Fight the Power" and "Until My Body is Dry" will earn me nothing more than annoyed looks.
***Doubly so if it is played every time my character does something awesome.
****I may also not call said song "RED LIKE ROW ROW DON'T LOSE YOUR WAY"

Prince Raven
2014-09-16, 08:48 AM
**Compiling a remix of "Red Like Roses", "Row Row Fight the Power" and "Until My Body is Dry" will earn me nothing more than annoyed looks.

I so want to hear this.

toapat
2014-09-16, 09:15 AM
- Unacceptable GM bribes include my old Neopet.

neopet physical toys or an actual one online where its going to starve well beyond what is biologically possible 198% of the time?

i would accept any of the dragons, bunnies, or Eyries.
*Not to use the newly acquired toys as minatures that happen to represent the Dragon/Gryphon/Collossus bunny that just rolled enough natural 20s to hide inside the party's formation for the last hour as a random encounter

Sartharina
2014-09-16, 10:36 AM
* When I told DM that my character is a wise prince, I should have clarified that he is going to be The Wise Prince (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prince)

* If I'm such a fan of Monty Python that I'm starting to make unintentional references to the Holy Grail, I'm forever banned from RPGs.
** My character is a comically serious knight with three funny sidekicks. I've deserved everything.

Get back here - You're not getting out of the campaign that easily!

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-16, 11:57 AM
*Not to use the newly acquired toys as minatures that happen to represent the Dragon/Gryphon/Collossus bunny that just rolled enough natural 20s to hide inside the party's formation for the last hour as a random encounter

** If a monster is larger than a house, I may no longer make hide checks.
*** Sneaking a miniature onto the battle mat is not a substitute for hide checks.

* If a Dragon has a castle, it is not to be Deal castle.
** He must not invite them to visit with "Deal or no Deal".
*** When the party are in it's dungeons, I may not say any variation on "never Deal with a dragon".

GPuzzle
2014-09-16, 12:28 PM
I so want to hear this.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3ALwKeSEYs

Socksy
2014-09-16, 01:04 PM
* If the character speaks solely in rhyming couplets, he's banned.
** If my paragraphs involving the character are all in Shakesperian sonnet form, I'm banned.

It was a Homestuck freeform RPG. He was not the worst character.

Ksheep
2014-09-16, 01:38 PM
* If the character speaks solely in rhyming couplets, he's banned.
** If my paragraphs involving the character are all in Shakesperian sonnet form, I'm banned.

It was a Homestuck freeform RPG. He was not the worst character.

*** If the character speaks only in haiku, he's banned

vasharanpaladin
2014-09-16, 01:47 PM
* If the character speaks solely in rhyming couplets, he's banned.
** If my paragraphs involving the character are all in Shakesperian sonnet form, I'm banned.

It was a Homestuck freeform RPG. He was not the worst character.


*** If the character speaks only in haiku, he's banned

Wow, you guys have some bad groups. If I managed to pull either of these off I'd get MVP forever! :smalleek:

Sith_Happens
2014-09-16, 03:50 PM
Wow, you guys have some bad groups. If I managed to pull either of these off I'd get MVP forever! :smalleek:

Not everything that gets posted here actually happened.

illyahr
2014-09-16, 04:19 PM
*No longer allowed to reveal that particular threads consist of half reality and half inside jokes. :smalltongue:

Sartharina
2014-09-16, 04:25 PM
Not everything that gets posted here actually happened.
Unless it's something Socksy posts. Or me.
*No longer allowed to reveal that particular threads consist of half reality and half inside jokes. :smalltongue:

And far to many bland pop-culture references that are only funny if they are reality.

Rater202
2014-09-16, 04:50 PM
Most of my Exalted stuff, anything referancing MLP, and the ones about the 10-11 year old who really needs to tell his therapist that he's building guns in his basement are true.

The rest is stuff I made up or would really like to happen.

The Dresden Files stuff I posted a bit ao, about the shape shifter who kept trying to turn into heroes was something discussed but not done

Speaking of which, here's something real I can't remember if I already posted about so doing it anyway
*In a dresden files game where we're fighting a winter court noble who refuses to give power to summer, singing "Winter Wrap Up" while fighting him is permitted
**Doing so while my fetch-spawned changeling is shapeshifted into a Dalek is not, especially if I'm imitating the Dalek voice at the time.
***Nor is it appropriate for the werewolf to sing while in wolf form
****The Focused Practicioner and Wizard who can't even watch TV are right out.

The best bit? We all startted signing IRL, in character, at the exact same moment, and nobody else knew the others watched the show.

Esprit15
2014-09-16, 05:37 PM
Typically, my stuff is either true or mostly true. Only sometimes do you get the "I just had an idea" stuff.

Ryu_Bonkosi
2014-09-16, 06:09 PM
Not everything that gets posted here actually happened.

http://i.imgur.com/dMQb1iN.jpg

But in that respect, most of the things I post by myself happened, my replies to other people's chains, or comments are usually just ideas.

Erik Vale
2014-09-16, 08:04 PM
*I may no longer play characters with a wisdom above 8.
**Lower is preferable.

EvilAnagram
2014-09-16, 08:44 PM
*I may not target random items in the room to keep chaos bolt ricocheting.
**Even if that clock was looking at me funny.

*My barbarian may not dedicate himself to aggressive atheism.
**That includes trying to kill the gods he meets.

*I may no longer name characters Not Patrick.

Ksheep
2014-09-16, 08:51 PM
* I should ask the players to inform me of their character decisions before the game starts
** I should probably tell people what everyone else is playing before the game starts
*** I should not be surprised when the party winds up being a Wizard, a Sorcerer, a Bard, a Cleric, a Psion, and an Incarnum user
**** When I suggest that someone might want to reroll to give some diversity, I shouldn't be surprised when everyone rerolls… as rogues
***** Especially when the campaign in Undead-heavy

Sgt. Cookie
2014-09-16, 09:41 PM
*In a murder mystery, we're trying to figure out which suspect is the murderer and the Detect Alignment spells aren't working because of a mcguffin, the Paladin should tell the Cleric "We need to find the mcguffin and destroy it" not "Prepare Raise Dead and Atonement. Lots of it."

Prince Raven
2014-09-16, 10:11 PM
I'll admit, about half the stuff I post is a continuation of someone else's post or something I've been pre-emptively banned from doing.

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-17, 02:43 AM
From some games a friend told me about:

* When creating a dungeon I must remember to add monsters.
** Or at least traps.
*** The dungeon cannot be 250 15ft x 15ft rooms connected by 5ft corridors, with each room having a 10cmx10cmx60cm hole in the exact centre, shrouded in darkness.
**** If the first hole they stick their hand into has a valuable gemstone in it, I should not be surprised when they proceed to stick their hands into every other hole in the dungeon.
***** The next hole should contain more than a mousetrap that deals a single point of damage.
****** When the PCs exit the dungeon having loot equal to one 50gp gemstone and 249 mousetraps I should continue the session.

* If I solve the problem in thirty seconds flat, something is wrong.
** Especially when it wasn't supposed to be a maths puzzle.

And in preparation for my shadowrun game:

* I cannot design a puzzle that has no solution.
* I cannot have the Johnson pay the party entirely in old fashioned NAND gates, even if it totals the agreed amount of Nuyen.
** Or NOR gates.
*** Or BJTs.
**** Or MOSFETs.
***** Or empty Credsticks.

DigoDragon
2014-09-17, 07:00 AM
Typically, my stuff is either true or mostly true. Only sometimes do you get the "I just had an idea" stuff.

About 75-80% of my posts are things that did happen or are things me and some buddies theorize while drinking around the table (which usually leads to some quick free-form RPing to test the idea).


* No longer allowed to create any construct who's name is prefixed by the word 'Inflatable'.
** Banned from purchasing chlorine gas in large quantities.
*** Expressly forbidden from combining these two concepts.

Sgt. Cookie
2014-09-17, 11:06 AM
***** Or empty Credsticks.

****** Or empty forged Credsticks.

Vknight
2014-09-17, 01:08 PM
Most of mine are true and generally I'll make a not if not(or it is a continuation of an early thing)

*No longer allowed too tell the other players too just give the Lone Star officer the bribe he wants
**Especially when they are the secondary wheelman and want too outrun Lone Star
***I may not then tranq said character for being on the 6o-clock news
****I must now come on every mission and assignment regardless of if it is a personal mission or my opinion of the character we are helping
*****I can no longer be the primary face

*No longer allowed too complain when my new Runner fits the exact parameters the group needs and they go too find an NPC who will fill those criteria
**No longer allowed too complain when the pressure trap my character cannot trigger is triggered
***No longer allowed too complain when the motion sensor trap my character cannot trigger is triggered
****No longer allowed too complain when the UN-shielded Ultrasound equipment was undetected
*****No longer allowed too complain that my character did not somehow see the power-cords connected too the large wooden crate, when I have electronic-sense
******No longer allowed too complain when the tracking spirit tracks me when I have no astral presence and can mask it

*I can no longer make sniper based super villains
**Or villains that use homing weapons with poison

*Can no longer kidnap a players character if they miss a session
**Even though it was already planned out too happen, before they missed the session
***Cannot incapacitate players that do not have super endurance with a truck

*No longer allowed too have the villain be a guardsmen who looks like the most interesting man in the world
**Especially if he has gained an Ork cult who have found old tapes of those commercials
***Especially if he is a tactical genius
****This doubles if he's a genetic experiment combing Eldar, Human, and Space Marine genetics
*****Triples if the Human donor was Creed or Yarrick. Triples if the Eldar donor was Ulthran. Triples if the Space Marine donor was Sanguinius
******If it includes only 2 out of the 4 that does not make it better

*Yes I can play a female space marine
**No I cannot play a female space marine in Dark Heresy especially with the luck I have on the boon table(...)
***The Ravenguard and Space Wolf can have a relationship
****Cannot question why Marines cannot reproduce
*****If I kill the navigator for being insufferable then I do have too spend time in the happy corner

*As a guardsmen I should not be able too reliably handle Space Marines in Terminator Armour
**Doubles if its a duel with swords of any sort
***If I can reliably one-shot a Space Marine we have a small problem
****If I can go toe too toe with a Riptide for 25+ rounds and survive, and more importantly have a chance at actually killing it we have a problem
*****If this is that dang Hot-Shot Laspistol build again we will choke the life out of you.
******Cannot steal a Frost Blade
*******Cannot learn the secrets of technology xeno or otherwise too combine a chainsword and power-sword because the stupid space wolves won't give me one
********Cannot call the Space Wolves stupid for hoarding

*Cannot call the Space Marines stupid for charging a Tau gun line.
**Cannot call anyone stupid for charging a gun line
***Cannot call it stupid that the primary tactic of several armies is melee
****No not even if I point out the Longbow
*****Cannot say it makes sense for shooting people with a gun is more effective then punching them with a fist

*No longer allowed too play Tau in 40K matches
**Or Eldar
***Or Imperial Guard
****Or Imperial Knights
*****Or Dark Angels
******Or Necrons
*******No longer allowed too give advice too other players
********I can no longer have a Wraith-knight be my Warlord
*********My Warlords unit cannot have re-roll-able anything saves or the ability too cast invisibility
**********I can no longer play Chaos Daemons of Tzeentch
***********I can no longer bring Daemon Princes of Nurgle
************No longer allowed too play new people too the hobby
*************No longer allowed too bring guns that have blast templates
**************I don't care how you did it a 11 man Ork Nobz squad with power klaws and bikes and a painboy for 650 points in a 1000 point game is not fair
***************Or Grey Knights
****************No longer allowed too bring monstrous creatures
*****************No longer allowed too bring flyers
******************No longer allowed too mention that most of this list(and those that came before) are true, and its very little exaggeration

Prince Raven
2014-09-17, 10:37 PM
Vknight, while I think your post is hilarious, your constant misuse of the word "too" is driving me (more) insane.

ReaderAt2046
2014-09-18, 12:58 AM
* When asked for my character's backstory, cannot submit a comic strip.
** Even if I drew it myself.

* My Huge sentient stone golem cannot have the highest Stealth modifier in the party.
** Or the highest Dex modifier.
*** Or slippers of Spiderclimbing.
*** Just because I have max ranks in Bluff and maxed-out Charisma doesn't mean that I can say I'm a tree and have people believe me.

* I am never again allowed to play a PC cultist in Call Of Cthulhu.
** And doubly never again allowed to ascend to godhood.

* No, I cannot have an eldritch horror from beyond the Living Gate as a pet.
** Even if I am playing a Star Pact warlock.

* Never again allowed to have Princess Azula as my spirit guide.
** Or as my great-grandmother.

TheCrowing1432
2014-09-18, 03:56 AM
I can no longer reference attack on titan.



During one of our epic level campaign battles, we had to fight our way through an elven city. We were halfway through the city when a Colossal triant blocked our path.

After killing it, (narrowly avoiding getting killed ourselves)

I said "We received a grim reminder that day"


Later on in the same campaign, we plane shifted to a new plane where we were wondering through a forest when he met up with a scout legion of a nearby city.

As soon as I heard scout legion, I played the AOT opening, earning the ban from referencing it.

Ksheep
2014-09-18, 11:18 AM
* I shouldn't assume that someone else in the party will grab torches/lanterns/etc. when buying possessions
** Especially when the rest of the party has Darkvision
*** I am entirely to blame if I blindly follow the party into the dungeon with no light sources

* Yes, I may buy an Everburning Torch
** No, it is not a Tiki torch

Hyena
2014-09-18, 01:14 PM
* Sunrod is not a glowstick.

Vknight
2014-09-18, 02:11 PM
Vknight, while I think your post is hilarious, your constant misuse of the word "too" is driving me (more) insane.

Son of a... I did use the wrong to...

*I will not write posts for Things I May No Longers Do While Playing past midnight local time

DigoDragon
2014-09-18, 02:28 PM
* Sunrod is not a glowstick.

** Banned from throwing Dungeon Rave Parties.
*** Not allowed to fill the mosh pit with gelatinous cubes.
**** I may not spike the cleric's healing potions with speed.
***** Heightening sonic spells by 3 levels is not the same thing as 'Dropping the bass'.
****** No longer allowed to rig the after party clean up so that the bard awakens fully clothed and alone in bed at a respectable temple sanctuary.

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-18, 07:06 PM
From tonight's shadowrun game:

* The elf should not hit on everything in sight.
** Especially when he has no social skills.
*** I should inform the player that neon pink suits are the current men's fashion before he rolls the dice.
**** The six charisma shaman should not be flirting with the secretary in order to get the plans.
***** Especially when she's just seen through his lie.
***** Mind control is a sin. If I hadn't rolled no successes on the NPCs notice roll you would have gained notoriety.

* If one of the characters has an outspoken prejudice against trolls, I cannot have the Johnson hire a troll as extra muscle on the run.
** Especially when I plan to kill him off 5 minutes before the run just to foreshadow my ghoul samurai.

Ksheep
2014-09-18, 11:31 PM
* When the players complain that the monster they fought in the arena was too easy and that they want a harder opponent, I should just say "no, you've already fought"
** When the announcer says "The next monster we have scheduled is very tough", the players are supposed to back down, not wholeheartedly agree to fight it
*** When I just grab the next monster in the MM because I didn't have anything prepared, I shouldn't be surprised when it's 5 levels higher than the party
**** When the party decides to attack it anyway, even when the only way they could actually hit it is with a Nat 20, I shouldn't be surprised
***** Even after I tell them it can only be hit with a Nat 20
****** Doubly so when I tell them it has over 150 HP
******* Especially if this is the first encounter of a new campaign with a number of new players…

Ferrin33
2014-09-19, 08:03 AM
*I am not allowed to make my summoned bears jump down a spider pit
**I am not allowed to wait for the impact to determine its depth
***If I hear a thud, this does not mean there are no webs

Wookieetank
2014-09-19, 09:47 AM
* When the players complain that the monster they fought in the arena was too easy and that they want a harder opponent, I should just say "no, you've already fought"
** When the announcer says "The next monster we have scheduled is very tough", the players are supposed to back down, not wholeheartedly agree to fight it
*** When I just grab the next monster in the MM because I didn't have anything prepared, I shouldn't be surprised when it's 5 levels higher than the party
**** When the party decides to attack it anyway, even when the only way they could actually hit it is with a Nat 20, I shouldn't be surprised
***** Even after I tell them it can only be hit with a Nat 20
****** Doubly so when I tell them it has over 150 HP
******* Especially if this is the first encounter of a new campaign with a number of new players…

n+1* Not to be surprised when the party then takes out the monster.
n+2* As a DM of more than 1 session, should've expected that outcome really.
n+3* Not to then procede with the next hardest monster, the party will think you're just encouraging them and turn the arena into an xp farm.

Rater202
2014-09-19, 12:32 PM
*"Scion of a Seelie Sidhe" is a permissible High Concept for a Summer Changeling
**"Can't lie for s***" is an acceptable Trouble for a changeling
***"Shy but kind" is an...okay Aspect.
****As is "shirt off my back"
*****"Never turn your back on a friend." Also works
******"Everyone Smile" is starting to make me suspicious-Oh wait, it's tied to your "Emotional Vampire" power, well, okay then
*******"My Friends are my Power" is starting to make me suspicious again.
********Not allowed to combine multiple MLP:FiM characters' personality traits when building a PC.

the clumsy bard
2014-09-19, 01:01 PM
Game of 3.5 well into epic levels.

* I am not allowed to play a death knight of the god of murder in a mostly good ish party

** I cannot bait the PC playing the high priestess of Pelor by making a pentagon summoning circle in my own blood on the walls of her new temple

*** I cannot kidnap the followers of pelor we spent several sessions saving behind the backs of the rest of the party

**** I cannot pit said followers of Pelor against each other in 4 groups until they have been rendered insane / scarred beyond help

***** I cannot then have the god of murder turn them into his personal followers and warp them into unknown abberations with terrible powers who follow my every whim

****** I cannot then save the party by summoning them to save us from a dire situation by having them traipse in front of the high priestess of Pelor, all the while her wondering aloud to the DM about the location of the saved followers of Pelor from a dozen sessions ago.

the clumsy bard
2014-09-19, 01:14 PM
Same game

* I am not allowed to take any levels of wizard after taking 20 levels of warblade

** I am not allowed to then make massive amounts of Exploding Runes

*** I am not allowed to kill a general by throwing a net filled with books with exploding runes inscribed within and then casting dispel magic on said net filled with books.

GPuzzle
2014-09-19, 01:54 PM
Not RPG, but rather Civ V, with everyone interpretating a different leader.

Sweden/Gustavus Adolphus:

*Sabaton is forbidden.
**Especially The Lion From the North.

*Stockholm is not the Holy City for Islam.
**Nope, you cannot ask the person who will found Islam to send "missionaries" your way.

Poland/Casimir III:

*Sabaton is forbidden... again.
**40:1 is deemed unnaceptable for wars.
***Uprising shall not be played when turning the tides.

*"Why didn't you invest in Eastern Poland?" is not an acceptable trade offer.

*Pretending to be Dolan and calling yourself "Polan" is frowned upon.

Germany/Bismark:

*Sabaton is forbidden... for everyone.
**Gott Mitt Uns while losing wars is refused.
***Hearts of Iron is also refused.

*"Guten tag" is not what you say when you unleash Clausewitz's Legacy.
**Nor is it "ANCHLUSS!"

*"GOLD FOR THE GOLD GOD!" is not your religion.

Brazil/Pedro II:

*Sabaton is forbidden.
**Just lost one Pracinha, and then unleashed hell? Smoking Snakes is prohibited.

*"Hey let's throw a world into a world war" is not a good way to win the game via Cultural Victory.

Inca/Pachacuti:

*First time Sabaton isn't forbidden...

*Mount Kilimanjaro for 4 movement on hills... What.
**Nope, not Skyrim Horses.

Arabia/Harun Al-Rashid:

*Sabaton isn't forbidden... wait, you got Panzers from a city-state. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....

*After conquering Mount Kilimanjaro from the Inca, you cannot rename it "Mount Camelmanjaro".

*No missionaries to Sweden.
**No "missionaries" to Sweden.
***"DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE THE HEAR THE WORD OF THE PANZER GOD?" is not appropriate.

Everyone:

*Polandball references are forbidden.
**Especially "EVEN IN GAME, POLAND CANNOT INTO SPACE!"

Somensjev
2014-09-20, 07:35 AM
*i may not use touch of golden ice as a faux-detect evil

DigoDragon
2014-09-20, 08:38 AM
* I am no longer allowed to pull the 'Whip cream in the hand' prank on a sleeping NPC.
** Especially if I placed a live grenade in his hand underneath that whip cream.

FlameI7
2014-09-21, 05:33 PM
* I cannot make a paladin named Seth with blue armor. This paladin cannot start several levels higher than the rest of the party, nor may he start with better items.
** I may not make a crybaby female archer with pink hair named Neimi. This archer cannot have a best friend who is a rogue, nor a dead grandfather who taught her archery. The village that the archer came from may not be burned down by bandits.
*** I may not make an assassin named Joshua who is the prince of a desert kingdom. This assassin may not hide his title. This assassin cannot have a sword that raises his crit rate named Killer Edge.
**** I cannot make a wizard specializing in dark magic named knoll. This wizard cannot be a part of a group that tries to tap into the power of a holy tablet that is the cage of the demon king to help people (smart idea, I know).
***** The BBEG cannot have six generals named after gemstones.
****** I cannot have a cutscene showing one of the generals killing another. This cutscene may not move to a cutscene of the murderous general blaming the party of the murder to the dead generals brother. The dead generals brother may not swear revenge, and then never be mentioned again.

This list could go on forever, should I continue?

Rater202
2014-09-21, 07:37 PM
* I cannot make a paladin named Seth with blue armor. This paladin cannot start several levels higher than the rest of the party, nor may he start with better items.
** I may not make a crybaby female archer with pink hair named Neimi. This archer cannot have a best friend who is a rogue, nor a dead grandfather who taught her archery. The village that the archer came from may not be burned down by bandits.
*** I may not make an assassin named Joshua who is the prince of a desert kingdom. This assassin may not hide his title. This assassin cannot have a sword that raises his crit rate named Killer Edge.
**** I cannot make a wizard specializing in dark magic named knoll. This wizard cannot be a part of a group that tries to tap into the power of a holy tablet that is the cage of the demon king to help people (smart idea, I know).
***** The BBEG cannot have six generals named after gemstones.
****** I cannot have a cutscene showing one of the generals killing another. This cutscene may not move to a cutscene of the murderous general blaming the party of the murder to the dead generals brother. The dead generals brother may not swear revenge, and then never be mentioned again.

This list could go on forever, should I continue?

That depends, just hat the hell are you referancing

*If I create a homebrewed supernatural power to represent the Sharingan, sponsored magic for Mangekyo, an other power upgrade for Eternal Magekyo, and about a dozen minor powers and a second sponsored magic for Rinnegan and it's powers, the total refresh cost should not be less than 25

FlameI7
2014-09-21, 07:54 PM
That depends, just hat the hell are you referancing

Fire emblam sacred stones. I realize that it's not the most common game, but I got my whole group to play it, and I was banned from doing this stuff, soooo...

Ryu_Bonkosi
2014-09-22, 03:40 AM
* I cannot make a paladin named Seth with blue armor. This paladin cannot start several levels higher than the rest of the party, nor may he start with better items.

If you have Seth, why is the rest of the party there? :smallamused:

**I may not do the above but name him Fredrick instead.

Braininthejar2
2014-09-22, 05:31 AM
Refluffing a quickloading crossbow with vampire-slaying arrows into a repeater stake launcher is cool. But filling the entire belt of many pockets with garlic to fumigate their lair is a bit of an overkill.

GPuzzle
2014-09-22, 11:30 AM
If you have Seth, why is the rest of the party there? :smallamused:

**I may not do the above but name him Fredrick instead.
***The PCs may not time travel to find their dead fathers and mothers and stop them from dying.
****If I decide to argue what the hell would happen due to sci-fi time travel logic, black hole opens, everyone dies.

Silus
2014-09-22, 12:11 PM
*I may not, under any circumstances, make a teenage Force user with the personality of Ryuuko Matoi (Kill la Kill), the speed and agility of Ruby and Blake (RWBY) and the Force Lightning skills of Mikoto Misaka (A Certain Scientific Railgun).
**No, she may not be a "Grey" Jedi.
***And no, I may not use Force Lightning to turn scrap metal into railgun shots to shoot down spaceships.

GPuzzle
2014-09-22, 12:17 PM
*I may not, under any circumstances, make a teenage Force user with the personality of Ryuuko Matoi (Kill la Kill), the speed and agility of Ruby and Blake (RWBY) and the Force Lightning skills of Mikoto Misaka (A Certain Scientific Railgun).

**That is not how Template Stacking works!

Reathin
2014-09-22, 01:02 PM
* I am not permitted to do anything that begins with the word "BEHOLD!"

lytokk
2014-09-22, 01:24 PM
* I am not permitted to do anything that begins with the word "BEHOLD!"

** May not start a session with an NPC walking into the room screaming "Good news everyone..."

DigoDragon
2014-09-22, 05:04 PM
* No longer allowed to make called shots with landmines.

Vknight
2014-09-22, 05:14 PM
** May not start a session with an NPC walking into the room screaming "Good news everyone..."

***Good News everyone!
****Nor can I start a session as a PC and say those lines
*****Goods news which is actually bad news which is actually just a joke is no longer allowed

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-22, 05:42 PM
** May not start a session with an NPC walking into the room screaming "Good news everyone..."

*** My mad scientist PC may not do so either.

Reltzik
2014-09-22, 09:39 PM
* Henceforth, any planar binding spells I cast will require me, the player, to explicitly write out the contract I am offering to the Outsider, and allow the DM considerable time to mull it over for loopholes.
** Enslaved angels are angry-sad-panda-face. (It's for a good cause! Honest!)

Mastikator
2014-09-22, 11:09 PM
* I am not allowed to play a dragon transformed into a human bent on world domination.

* I am also not allowed to play a werewolf that will transform uncontrollably in every combat situation.

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-23, 11:41 AM
These are just theoretical, but I want to try the second set out.

* If our plan starts out as "Step 1: conquer world" we should come up with something less evil.
** The same applies to "Step 1: take Manhattan. Step 2: take Berlin."
*** "Step 1: build moonbase. Step 2: put giant laser on moon" is also banned.

* We cannot build our own prison to house supervillains.
** Extorting the government by threatening to release them is not exactly hero material.

Sartharina
2014-09-23, 12:18 PM
Things that happened about a year ago that I was reminded of after I went to another store.
*When playing "We're ourselves, transported to a fantasy world" D&D 3.5 game, I may not stat myself up as a 27-PB-equivalent Level 1 Barbarian when everyone else is 15-PB commoner or expert.
** May not then demonstrate my STR and DEX by flipping a nearby table, and effortlessly perching/balancing on the upturned legs in one deft movement.
** May not demonstrate my STR by taking the hottest guy there for a high-speed piggyback ride, nor picking up the heaviest guy in his chair and waddling around with him.
** May not demonstrate my CON and HP by taking off my shirt and showing my scars (Notably - A few knife wounds on my chest, stomache, and back, and a bullet wound in my left breast), most gained during a fight two years ago (Where I also demonstrated what a Barbarian Rage looks like IRL).
*** May no longer game at that particular FLGS. No, pulling a $100 bill out of my underwear left over from the previous night to try to smooth over damages isn't enough to let me back.

Ksheep
2014-09-23, 12:24 PM
* When playing a Mass Effect game, I may not give Kaidan penicillin

I'll show myself out now…

Taet
2014-09-23, 01:16 PM
*When the DM gives me a flaw about being cursed by demons and dark magic, I should not give his doomed pet character of despair a joyful personality. I should play along. :smalltongue:

lytokk
2014-09-23, 01:18 PM
* When playing a Mass Effect game, I may not give Kaidan penicillin

I'll show myself out now…

did kaiden have an allergy or something? I just don't remember penicillin ever coming up. Of course I always saved ashley.

Sartharina, I think it just needs to be stated you're equal parts intriguing and terrifying based on stories you've told.

Illven
2014-09-23, 03:02 PM
did kaiden have an allergy or something? I just don't remember penicillin ever coming up. Of course I always saved ashley.

It's an ANTI-biotic. Get it. :smalltongue:

lytokk
2014-09-23, 03:07 PM
It's an ANTI-biotic. Get it. :smalltongue:

...I really hate the fact I walked into this one...

Braininthejar2
2014-09-23, 04:48 PM
Things that happened about a year ago that I was reminded of after I went to another store.
*When playing "We're ourselves, transported to a fantasy world" D&D 3.5 game, I may not stat myself up as a 27-PB-equivalent Level 1 Barbarian when everyone else is 15-PB commoner or expert.
** May not then demonstrate my STR and DEX by flipping a nearby table, and effortlessly perching/balancing on the upturned legs in one deft movement.
** May not demonstrate my STR by taking the hottest guy there for a high-speed piggyback ride, nor picking up the heaviest guy in his chair and waddling around with him.
** May not demonstrate my CON and HP by taking off my shirt and showing my scars (Notably - A few knife wounds on my chest, stomache, and back, and a bullet wound in my left breast), most gained during a fight two years ago (Where I also demonstrated what a Barbarian Rage looks like IRL).
*** May no longer game at that particular FLGS. No, pulling a $100 bill out of my underwear left over from the previous night to try to smooth over damages isn't enough to let me back.

I'm not sure if I want to hear the whole story behind this, but I would certainly allow barbarian

toapat
2014-09-23, 06:05 PM
*** "Step 1: build moonbase. Step 2: put giant laser on moon" is also banned.

****if the plan is changed to Step 1: build Mooncastle Step 2: solve all problems of science Step 3: Build Moonlaser It is still banned
*****even if my character is over 500 Years old, a Vampire, and named Vladimir

vasharanpaladin
2014-09-23, 08:25 PM
*He-Who-Was was not originally named Marduk, nor did he bear the sobriquet "Mountain and the King Astride It."
**This is doubly true if any of the players are familiar with Exalted.
***If I somehow manage to pass this without comment, I'm not to be surprised when the Gurren-Lagann-esque speeches are used for snark bait.
****If at any point the party discovers that the entire purpose of creating a cult to resurrect He-Who-Was is to make the (lawful good) paladin player protect Asmodeus instead of killing him, not to complain when they decide to go full murderhobo instead.

Balmas
2014-09-24, 12:10 AM
*You want to be a dwarf? Yeah, okay.
**Cleric? Fine class, that.
***Yes, you can have Stone Shape. Very thematic for a dwarf.
****Sensitive about your height? Okay, I'll make sure to play that up.
*****Blond? ...A bit unusual, but okay.
******Dangit, you're not Edward Elric!
*******Further, the somatic component of Stone Shape is not to clap your hands.

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-24, 04:28 AM
From last night's game.

* The troll should not be taking novacoke every chance he gets.
** Fingertip compartment s are okay. Ten of them each filled with the drug of your choice isn't.
* No Idea is a stupid name for a decker.
* When new people join I should just give them characters, not have them spend two hours making them.
* Players must now plan their exit strategy before the run.

Prince Raven
2014-09-24, 06:25 AM
* I may no longer assume ninjas and samurai have the same relationship in a RPG universe as they did in ours and act accordingly.
** At no point is "That's what ninjas do to samurai!" a legitimate excuse for literally back-stabbing a fellow party member
*** Especially in character

Rater202
2014-09-24, 08:43 AM
*I'm not allowed to name my female monk "Yu No Hu"
**Or Meibe Xian Ryu
***If I take the second name, I can't tell the other PC's, immediately after meeting them, to "Call me Meibe"

Shamelessly stolen from Dragonfable(Cept the second name, could only remember the first two syllables.)

DigoDragon
2014-09-24, 10:40 AM
*I'm not allowed to name my female monk "Yu No Hu"

** Nor can the ninja be named "Wah Ching Yuu"

illyahr
2014-09-24, 10:48 AM
** Nor can the ninja be named "Wah Ching Yuu"

***Nor can the orc bard with 24 Charisma be named Hung Wai Lo
****The 15-year-old named Sum Yun Gai is actually kinda funny, but no.

spamoo
2014-09-24, 12:02 PM
Dusting off my old account to add a few from a Pokemon Tabletop Adventures game a while back:

* My Pokemon are to serve as the party's tank(s), my trainer is not.
** Even if my trainer is better at it than any of my Pokemon.
*** No, my trainer can't be the party's main source of DPS either.
**** There is, in fact, a rule against entering my trainer as the contestant in a gym battle.
***** This rule exists for beauty contests too.

* No longer allowed to use Pokemon with zero damaging moves in a gym battle.
** The fact that I won that battle does not make it any more okay.
*** The second badge obtained this way was a fluke. Rocks will fall if I attempt a third.
**** No, that doesn't just mean the next gym will be Rock type.

* I may no longer abuse the fact that I can speak "Scyther".
** If even the feral Scythers are wearing rudimentary clothes, I should probably put some on too.

Elurindel
2014-09-24, 02:51 PM
*No longer allowed to play a human barbarian whose axe has more destructive power than all of the Space Marines in our team put together.

Hyena
2014-09-24, 03:01 PM
* My Pokemon are to serve as the party's tank(s), my trainer is not.
** Even if my trainer is better at it than any of my Pokemon.
*** No, my trainer can't be the party's main source of DPS either.
**** There is, in fact, a rule against entering my trainer as the contestant in a gym battle.
***** This rule exists for beauty contests too.

* Pointing out that Regi trio are technically humans will get them banned as well.

Rater202
2014-09-24, 05:54 PM
* Pointing out that Regi trio are technically humans will get them banned as well.

This is news to me, and I would like details.

I'm also wondering if it applies to Trio Master Regigigas?

8balls
2014-09-24, 08:06 PM
*My summoner's name isn't Ash Ketchum
** His Eidolon isn't named Pikachu

Prince Raven
2014-09-25, 01:16 AM
*My summoner's name isn't Ash Ketchum
** His Eidolon isn't named Pikachu

Ooh, this reminds me of one:

*** Eidolon's do not speak by repeating syllables of their name with different inflection, they know all the same languages as their Summoner
**** My Summoner does not speak by repeating syllables of their name

Hyena
2014-09-25, 01:41 AM
This is news to me, and I would like details.

Damn, I swear they were. Must have been fanon I've read when I was younger and remembered it. Okay then, let me remedy that.

* Not allowed to point out that kadabras are technically humans (http://gyazo.com/3a255e5ff4594da5ba073230b70bfd0a). Doing so will get them banned.

jamieth
2014-09-25, 02:55 AM
*My summoner's name isn't Ash Ketchum
** His Eidolon isn't named Pikachu

***The ritual for summoning Eidolon doesn't involve shooting yourself in the head with a toy firearm, either.

toapat
2014-09-25, 08:02 AM
Damn, I swear they were. Must have been fanon I've read when I was younger and remembered it. Okay then, let me remedy that.

the Regi-trio relate to eras of human civilization, and the extinction of the dinosaurs. each arose specifically in the begining of the era

Rater202
2014-09-25, 09:11 AM
***The ritual for summoning Eidolon doesn't involve shooting yourself in the head with a toy firearm, either.

referance to what?

*I am not now or ever allowed to attempt to start About and Costello sketches in character.
**Or out of character.

jamieth
2014-09-25, 11:40 AM
referance to what?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg06RvVzzdM

Persona 3

Prince Raven
2014-09-25, 08:08 PM
* No longer allowed to make nothing but RWBY references for the entire session
** Especially as the GM
*** I better not have a corgi in the next session
**** Especially if the next session is Dark Heresy rather than Pathfinder
***** Giving my players awesome "it's also a gun" weapons is ok though

blacklight101
2014-09-25, 10:39 PM
*No longer allowed to play an artificer like Dr. Heinz Doofenschmirtz
**No longer allowed to play an artificer like Hubert J. Farnsworth
***No longer allowed to play a combination of the above.

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-26, 04:28 AM
***The ritual for summoning Eidolon doesn't involve shooting yourself in the head with a toy firearm, either.

**** Crushing a tarot card is okay.

* I cannot summon multiple personae at once.
** Not when there are no voices in my head.
*** Especially when there are voices in my head.
**** This goes quadruple if we are playing Everyone is John.
***** If we are playing Everyone is John my obsession cannot be "reenacting Persona 3".
****** A fusion spell does not give two voices control.
******* I cannot start my turn by saying "Thou art I, and I am Thou".

* No, "causing a social link to max out" does not mean anything happens.
** Except if we are playing Bliss Stage.

Vknight
2014-09-26, 05:02 AM
*No longer allowed to play a human barbarian whose axe has more destructive power than all of the Space Marines in our team put together.

**Cannot complain about the lack of a good sniper rifle because marines are supposed too punch people. Even with the noted information

DigoDragon
2014-09-26, 08:03 AM
*No longer allowed to play an artificer like Dr. Heinz Doofenschmirtz

I would totally wave that ban if you talked in his voice and called every item you made an -inator. :smallbiggrin:

Anonymouswizard
2014-09-26, 10:08 AM
I would totally wave that ban if you talked in his voice and called every item you made an -inator. :smallbiggrin:

* I may not create a device that builds and designs devices.
** It is not an -inator-inator.
*** It's first design cannot be itself.
**** Or a better version of itself.
***** If I am starting the singularity, I must have a better reason than "to find the question to which the answer is 42".
****** Saying "do you want to see my big device" to Chinese women is not a better reason.

GPuzzle
2014-09-26, 10:49 AM
*When playing Everybody is John, I can't say that "I am he as you are me as you are he and we are all together."
**I am not that John.

Wookieetank
2014-09-26, 10:59 AM
Sartharina, I think it just needs to be stated you're equal parts intriguing and terrifying based on stories you've told.

+1 to this with the addition of awesome as well.

*May not hijack the Planescape campaign and turn it into Docotor Who.
**Cannot subsitute Planar traveling for time traveling.
***Modrons are not Daleks, or Cybermen for that matter.
****The Blood Wars is not the training ground for Sontarans.
*****Doesn't matter how much sense the refluffing makes, its not gonna fly with the DM.

Socratov
2014-09-26, 04:03 PM
*When playing Everybody is John, I can't say that "I am he as you are me as you are he and we are all together."
**I am not that John.

This game is really great. It's everything you can do wrong at roleplaying, and it simultaneously help you find out the wickedness that is hidden in your friend's brains

Hyena
2014-09-26, 04:04 PM
* If game of "Everyone is John" ends with John becoming a pokemon master, something has gone wrong.

Rater202
2014-09-26, 04:15 PM
I'm really curious about this john game.

*If at point I can describe myself as "Captin Planet made of Shonen Anime villains instead of Elements" I'm banned.
**Doubly So if those Villains are Cell, Sosuke Aizen, Dio Brando, Every member of the Akutsuki, and every single antagonist, no ,matter how minor, from Yu Yu Hakusho.
***No, "Captain Planet made of Shonen Hero Powers is even less acceptable.

Socratov
2014-09-30, 01:38 PM
*Character development is fine and all, as is roleplaying, but going from evil, manipulative wannabe necromancer warlock all the way to maternal figure should take longer then one adventure...

ReaderAt2046
2014-09-30, 05:04 PM
* May not sidetrack the party into delivering milk instead of advancing the plot again. Even for the really cute redhead.
** Sleeping outside said redhead's house is creepy.

Sith_Happens
2014-09-30, 05:11 PM
* I am no longer to ask the party what they're doing during downtime.
** Upon receiving an answer to the above question, I will not under any circumstances attempt to "spice things up a bit."
** Should the supposed "downtime" end up taking multiple sessions to resolve, the fault lies entirely with me.

...
2014-09-30, 05:29 PM
*I am not allowed to play D&D like a video game.
**Especially a survival sandbox game.
***ESPECIALLY not Terraria.

*No, I don't care how many silver pieces that trap was worth, you can't take it with you.
**Not the paintings either.
***Nor the statues.
****You're just ignoring the first three rules, aren't you?

Hellfire014
2014-09-30, 11:14 PM
***** For the last time, NO! The merchants don't want to buy your angel statue!

Anonymouswizard
2014-10-01, 06:56 AM
***** For the last time, NO! The merchants don't want to buy your angel statue!

****** Buying does not consist of taking his money.
******* Even if you leave the statue with him.

* I am not to have the police raid the troll's house when he's out on the run.
** This should not just be an excuse to get rid of his supply of Novacoke.
*** Even if it's the only way his addiction will actually be a drawback.
*** When this has happened, should not be surprised when the next run is ignored in favour of "get the troll more novacoke".
**** When they have got some, I have no reason to be surprised when they decide to raid the police station for more Novacoke.

* It is not considered fair play to have the PCs framed for a murder at the same date, place, and time as the killing spree they went on, but with a different weapon.

DigoDragon
2014-10-01, 08:53 AM
* I may not TPK the party by a mattress.
** The cleric is no longer allowed to remind the other PCs after the mattress incident that he's a cuddler.
*** Same goes for the rogue. In fact, why would anyone want to cuddle their rogue? That's just asking for a...
**** The rogue is banned from accepting cuddles.

illyahr
2014-10-01, 11:12 AM
*If the merchant doesn't have a cursed scroll for you to buy, stop asking
**Failing disguise checks by pretending to have different types of facial hair won't make him any less annoyed.
***Succeeding in a bluff check so he thinks you are, in fact, different people who look exactly the same, while funny, will not magically make him have a cursed scroll for sale. It will just confuse the merchant.

GoblinChow
2014-10-01, 02:21 PM
* I am not allowed to play a character based on any of the witches from a Terry Pratchett novel
**I may never name a familiar "Greebo"
***Seriously, I am not allowed to have a familiar named "Greebo" ever again!
****I can't have a familiar named "You" either, but the "No Greebo" rule is more important!

Thomas Hunter
2014-10-01, 02:29 PM
This is not mine, but a friend of my brother's. This was originally written in on a group chat, and nothing has been changed except to remove the individual lines and a few interjections from other members. All spelling and grammar has remained unchanged.

"I never seem to play conventional necromancers. My necromancy is usually based on creative applications of basic methods. The ultimate demoralizer requires you to have create undead, and expertise in swarms. You then buy somewhere between 75-163 chickens. You sever their heads, and proceed to keep them in a brining barrel for three days, pickling them. this, horrifiically enough, coutns as embalming, and allows you to make an undead swarm. Of zombie chicken heads. now, the next step, is, of course, storing a weakn fireball spell in the barrel, contingent upon it's being ruptured. for roughly 3,500 gp, you have made a seige weapon that literally spawns flaming zombie chicken heads to peck people to death on landing. the hard part is getting the barbarian drunk enough to trust your idea that throwing it will be "totally kick-ass." this will liekly set you back another few hundred gold. now, if you've got enough time to add a ventriloquism or ghastly noises spell when the barrel is thrown, I recommend "Surfin' bird" or "the funky chicken."
Now, I am not a master tactician. I am no grand strategist. But, even without the swarms sickening effects, and the massive fires, the sheer, unmitigated horror upon a party's face when you calmly describe the effects of the Grand Demoralizng Barrel of Fun on your enemies is somethign to be relished and savored. The laughter of the DM as he realizes your surprise for the barricade was somethign so malevolent, so vile, and so effing crazy, is worth being experessly forbidden to build necromancers for a few campaigns."

Diachronos
2014-10-02, 08:33 AM
I may not steal all the common room's blankets to make a blanket fort for my kobold and his giant mantis in the top shelf of the closet.
* Nor may I spend a Mythic Surge to beat someone else's nat 20 on initiative to make sure I can grab the blankets from everyone else's bed.

Granted, nobody actually said I couldn't, so...

Clarkson
2014-10-02, 10:59 AM
*If I'm at a gladiator arena, I shouldn't be surprised that the line labeled concession stand actually leads to the arena
**When the DM designs an encounter and states that it's designed to kill my character, the correct responce is not "Stand back guys, I got this"
***If my character wins initiative, and one shots one of the opponents before anyone else can move, I should not complain about the other gladiators ganging up on me.
****My character is not allowed to use healing potions to make up for leaving the cleric outside the ring.
*****If my character and the last other gladiator keep on rolling below ten when one hit would finish either of us I'm not supposed to complain.
******If I should win I'm not allowed to complain that the prize was lowered because I won.
*******If I should level up off the encounter, I shouldn't invest in more of the ability that made the dm want to kill me.

Mrc.
2014-10-02, 11:38 AM
*There is no diplomatic encounter that can be solved by a full-party rendition of HMS Pinafore.
**Nor The Pirates of Penzance.
***Springtime for Hitler is right out.

*The correct response to three successive 20's on one dice is to be quietly smug about it.
**I should not attempt to worship said dice.
***Replacing the DM with the dice will not go down well.

*Despite my insistence, if at any time the party's plan ever requires just a wheelbarrow and a hellfire cloak, rocks fall.
**My swashbuckler may not be based off Zorro, the Crimson Pirate, the Dread Pirate Roberts, any of the Three Musketeers, Captain Jack Sparrow or some portrayals of Robin Hood.
***Just because a character wasn't mentioned above doesn't mean it won't get vetoed.

Sith_Happens
2014-10-02, 01:14 PM
* If my homebrew race can in any way be described as "Sort of like Kender, except..." I am to destroy everything I've written about it.

Rater202
2014-10-02, 03:17 PM
* If my homebrew race can in any way be described as "Sort of like Kender, except..." I am to destroy everything I've written about it.

**Unless the rest of the sentence is "without the kleptomania"
***Or "With +4 wisdom"
****In fact, if it has both of the above, I'd let it in.

calam
2014-10-02, 05:50 PM
*After my last idea the DM is perfectly reasonable when he bans certain parts of chemistry and physics
*even if I mention that the Hero steam engine existed before the game's time period I can't start the industrial revolution a few centuries early.
*Beating someone to death instead of a proper execution is an evil action. Even though I'm giving him a chance to repent.
*Despite RAW my Elan gets more than a -2 penalty when disguising as a beholder
*perform(drunken rambling) is not a skill
**neither is perform (armpit farts)
*I can't shorten an assassination attempt to just rolling a profession(murderer) check
**Neither can I use a craft(corpse) check

ReaderAt2046
2014-10-02, 06:03 PM
* No matter how high my Bluff check, I can't convince the NPC that I'm a house.
** Or a statue of the Hero Of Thyme.

bobthedragon
2014-10-03, 04:25 PM
*I may no longer Play the classic bard 10/ sublime chord 2/ virtuoso 8 build
** I may no longer own an alp horn
*** I may no longer use focused performer feat from DFmag to give an entire army inspire courage and dragonfire inspiration simultaneously:
+7 attack, +7 damage, (I could have had it at 12-14+ but I decided to cut my DM a break :smallbiggrin: )
+7d6 fire damage
**** I may no longer use celerity + continuous item of protection of the martyr (immune to daze)
***** I may no longer use disguise checks on objects
****** I may no longer switch the paladins of slaughters armor with a girdle of femininity/masculinity
******* I may no longer switch the paladins helm with a helm of opposite alignment
********I may no longer use shadow blink + assay resistance + irresistible dance as an instant win button against multiple BBEG's that are already 5 CR above what my party should be able to face
n=n+1: Pit fiends are no longer required to make saves against my spells, it is assumed that they are automatically immune to- baleful teleportation and baleful polymorph....
n=n+1: I am no longer allowed to keep the pit fiend I captured as a pet
When my bard was finally killed, I tried to have a wizard who's reason for joining the party was that he saw the cat and decided it would make an excellent familiar.... That was vetoed in advance. =(

Hyena
2014-10-04, 04:02 PM
* My prestige class is "Bounty hunter" and should be pronounced exactly like this.
** I may not refer to it as "Booty hunter" even if my character is, in fact, a pirate.
*** My DM knows exactly what I've meant.

Illogictree
2014-10-05, 09:52 PM
*I'm not allowed to name a Warforged "Kilroy".
*Red-colored Warforged are not "three times faster!"

True story.

vasharanpaladin
2014-10-05, 10:16 PM
*Red-colored Warforged are not "three times faster!"


**Painting my warforged fighter blue will not get me bonus [Luck] feats.
***Nor will painting him hot pink and purple give me any form of bonus to Stealth checks.
****Next time I try anything connecting colors and mechanical bonuses, regardless of source, the DM will assume it's ork-related and act appropriately. I will not be reimbursed for medical bills.

*For that matter, orks are henceforth considered to be on the list alongside kender.
**Even if we're playing Gorkamorka.

*Just because Malal is less annoying than Vectron in play doesn't mean he's at all appropriate for a party that supposedly works together.
**The words "Malal," "comissar" and "Daemonhost" are never to be found together on my character sheet.
***Malkavians are not an excuse. Neither are Xaositects.

Anonymouswizard
2014-10-06, 03:43 AM
*Just because Malal is less annoying than Vectron in play doesn't mean he's at all appropriate for a party that supposedly works together.
**The words "Malal," "comissar" and "Daemonhost" are never to be found together on my character sheet.
***Malkavians are not an excuse. Neither are Xaositects.

Is there a story behind this? If this has been banned it sounds entertaining.

* If I take a talent that lets me change psychic phenomena to the one I like, I cannot choose "Perils of the Warp"
** I cannot teach any of the other characters to bind daemons.
*** Where did you learn to do it anyway?
*** Cannot request to play the resulting daemonhost.

* "Knows about the forth wall" is not a valid merit.
** I cannot use Space to teleport to the gaming table.
*** My characters can no longer torture the GM for information.

Socksy
2014-10-06, 05:53 AM
* If my first-level psion (3.PF) has 20hp without buffs, I should probably run the character past the other players before playing it.

DigoDragon
2014-10-06, 09:34 AM
* The victor of World War 3 will no longer be decided with a game of football.
** Especially not when both teams are fielded by kids.
*** And no one is keeping score.

GPuzzle
2014-10-06, 10:29 AM
* The victor of World War 3 will no longer be decided with a game of football.
** Especially not when both teams are fielded by kids.
*** And no one is keeping score.
**** Doubly so if both teams are, instead, fielded by philosophers.
***** And Marx is claiming it was offsides!

Sith_Happens
2014-10-06, 01:09 PM
* I may no longer abuse Enchantment spells to start OT3's.

vasharanpaladin
2014-10-06, 06:02 PM
Is there a story behind this? If this has been banned it sounds entertaining.


Suffice to say that paying evil unto evil aside, if a daemon god is hated by other daemon gods (and/or has earned the sobriquet "God of Teamkilling ****tards") there's usually a very good reason for it. :smallwink:

Anonymouswizard
2014-10-06, 06:16 PM
**** Doubly so if both teams are, instead, fielded by philosophers.
***** And Marx is claiming it was offsides!

****** I cannot hire a team of mathematicians to work of the likely winner 20 minutes into the match.

ChaosArchon
2014-10-06, 08:32 PM
*If my paladin of tyranny who is masquerading as a normal paladin is caught by actual paladins of Good the proper response to them calling me evil is not,"from my point of view Heironeous, is evil!"
** nor should I say,"Only an evil paladin deals in absolutes"

...
2014-10-09, 06:03 PM
*My character cannot be a spokesperson for the 'morally challenged."
**No, I don't care whether or not it's their fault that the alignment box says "always chaotic evil," you can't advocate for demonic rights!
*** I AM NOT RACIST!

Mrc.
2014-10-10, 07:46 AM
*My character cannot be a spokesperson for the 'morally challenged."

**Nor the vertically challenged.
***The lucidity challenged are right out.

*There is no situation where the correct response is to strip (both IC and OOC) whilst loudly and boldly proclaiming myself to be "The king of all men!"
**The fact that I'm wearing a cursed crown doesn't give a bonus to the check.

That actually happened (though we stopped the player from striping IRL) and from now on he orders every human to do his bidding as their king.

*Sure, your bard can have had some experience playing as part of a group.
**Yeah, you can see that group from time to time.
***You want to perform things that are acceptable now but won't be in a few years? I guess...
****Wait, why do you have the skill "Black up"?
*****Damnit, you can't be the Black and White Minstrel Show!

*No such skill as Black up.

sparky9042
2014-10-10, 01:50 PM
*My renegade cleric of Elistraee may not use "Drow drow fight the powah!" as a battlecry.

Doorhandle
2014-10-10, 07:08 PM
* If my homebrew race can in any way be described as "Sort of like Kender, except..." I am to destroy everything I've written about it.

*Cannot play an honorable, dour, and thief-hating kender trying to throw off the yoke of his chaotic-stupid kin.

Socksy
2014-10-11, 08:36 AM
*Cannot play an honorable, dour, and thief-hating kender trying to throw off the yoke of his chaotic-stupid kin.

**Actually, yes, yes you can.
***Especially if you kill as many other Kender as possible.

Anonymouswizard
2014-10-11, 12:23 PM
* When another player makes a cunning and charming aristocrat, it is acceptable to ask to play his servant.
** If the servant has an intelligence of 3 he should not be making the cunning plans.
*** If he has negative wisdom and no skill points per level he should really think twice about cooking.
** I may not convince another player to make a prince with 3 wisdom.
** If I make a time machine I should remember to put numbers on the display.

Prince Raven
2014-10-11, 11:21 PM
Actually I would be perfectly okay with my players playing Blackadder, Bladrick and Percy.

BootStrapTommy
2014-10-11, 11:40 PM
*I'm not allowed to question the physics of why my 30 foot long sword only has a 5 foot reach.
**After doing so, responding "But it only has a 5 foot reach!" is not a good defense against the ban swinging it indoors.

Silus
2014-10-12, 02:24 AM
*"Welcome to Night Vale."
*"Welcome to Hoofington."
*"So imagine Night Vale mixed with Hoofington..."
**No longer allowed to do anything Night Vale or Fallout: Equestria related.
***Doubly so to combining the two.

*As classic as it may be, "We burn down the building" isn't always the best option.
**Especially in Rolemaster where the DM is expecting more inventive solutions.
***It's generally bad form to give the party an "I told you so" look when half the party is killed or incapacitated by the equivalent of six Dire Rats.

FabulousFizban
2014-10-12, 05:41 PM
*my gnome bard may not put all his skill ranks into Perform: (various instruments such as Kazoo and beer bottle).
** May not attempt to play 12 instruments at once with various body parts during combat
*** Definitely may not play youtube videos in multiple windows to simulate this
**** No, you can't try to RP it instead
***** What the hell is a Gravikord?
****** Why do you own a Gravikord?
******* Cannot multiclass into synthesist summoner to gain more arms for instruments

GPuzzle
2014-10-12, 06:06 PM
*No character background comes from Katawa Shoujo.
**Ever.
***The DM will personally invent a book catapult if you do so.

Ksheep
2014-10-12, 06:26 PM
*my gnome bard may not put all his skill ranks into Perform: (various instruments such as Kazoo and beer bottle).
** May not attempt to play 12 instruments at once with various body parts during combat
*** Definitely may not play youtube videos in multiple windows to simulate this
**** No, you can't try to RP it instead
***** What the hell is a Gravikord?
****** Why do you own a Gravikord?
******* Cannot multiclass into synthesist summoner to gain more arms for instruments

******** No, I may not build a Wurlitzer (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_oA3Mig7Gk) theater organ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MzWYf5CQjc) by adding all these random instruments I have with the organ we got as treasure
********* Installing this organ in the back of a wagon and dragging it with us everywhere is disallowed
********** Now that the party has their own castle, I am free to install it in one of the rooms
*********** When the rest of the party complains that they can hear me playing from everywhere in the castle, the proper response is not "That was the plan"
************ I shouldn't be surprised when, after the other Gnome in the party finds another organ as treasure, he installs it in his room and plays it whenever I'm playing my Wurlitzer

Yes, this did actually happen, and yes, I was a Gnome Bard. There was also an incident with this organ and a cat which had been following us since the beginning of the adventure, but which had only been seen by one party member (everyone else failed their spot checks every time it showed up, and as such everyone thought that this guy was crazy).

Tetraplex
2014-10-12, 07:19 PM
*Cannot play an honorable, dour, and thief-hating kender trying to throw off the yoke of his chaotic-stupid kin.

I believe there's actually a racial variant that supports this, actually. Grey Kender or something, ones who were afflicted by a magical depression curse and now are tolerable if sad.

unseenmage
2014-10-12, 07:31 PM
* Just because I can homebrew an Ooze composed entirely of mathematical formulae doesn't mean I should.
** Even if it is unsurprisingly appropriate for the game system.
*** Especially if it gives the players nightmares IRL.

Erth16
2014-10-12, 08:44 PM
* I am not to try and weasel my way out of a contract by signing with my non-dominant hand.
** Not allowed to sign with my dominant hand, then force my brain to swap dominant hands.
*** Not to sign the contract properly, but when it comes up make the ink invisible with my powers of color changing.
**** I should stop trying to Lemony Snicket my way out of a contract when I'm the one volunteering to sign it with no major consequences for signing or not signing it.

vasharanpaladin
2014-10-12, 10:07 PM
*No character background comes from Katawa Shoujo.


**To be fair, an armless monk might be pretty cool.
***I am, however, expected to alter enough details that my "crippled master" monk is not immediately outed as Rin Tezuka.
****Get out, KS dev.

GPuzzle
2014-10-12, 10:09 PM
**To be fair, an armless monk might be pretty cool.
***I am, however, expected to alter enough details that my "crippled master" monk is not immediately outed as Rin Tezuka.
****An extremely shy fire elementalist with half of her body burned might be rather interesting RP-wise
*****Hatred of birthdays, having her only friend be blind and having panic attacks are not mandatory.

Spore
2014-10-13, 04:46 AM
Actually I would be perfectly okay with my players playing Blackadder, Bladrick and Percy.

I have made a nugget of purest GREEN!"

DigoDragon
2014-10-13, 08:28 AM
I am no longer allowed to disguise an anti-tank mine as the little painted 'Handicap' marker in the parking lot.

blacklight101
2014-10-13, 02:28 PM
*No longer allowed to camouflage a claymore inside a photo-booth in the mall as the camera.
**No longer allowed to hide a claymore in people's rearview mirrors.
***No longer allowed to have claymore mines

vasharanpaladin
2014-10-13, 08:48 PM
****An extremely shy fire elementalist with half of her body burned might be rather interesting RP-wise
*****Hatred of birthdays, having her only friend be blind and having panic attacks are not mandatory.

******Blind swordsmen have been done to death. Blind archers are a relatively new concept.
*******My blind aasimar archer is discouraged from having a running competition with the mute tiefling rogue.

GPuzzle
2014-10-13, 08:55 PM
******Blind swordsmen have been done to death. Blind archers are a relatively new concept.
*******My blind aasimar archer is discouraged from having a running competition with the mute tiefling rogue.
********Halflings will still need their legs to run.
*********Even with prostetics.

Vknight
2014-10-13, 09:28 PM
*No character background comes from Katawa Shoujo.
**Ever.
***The DM will personally invent a book catapult if you do so.

****Except if the campaign is specifically built around such character concepts
*****Or your playing Monsters & Other Childish Things or Little Fears
******Said Gm's are allowed too be a tad dubious
*******You know what Kenji's back-story can't be used

*Character backgrounds cannot begin with and that is how I broke reality
**Character backgrounds cannot include and that is how I gained the ability too grant wishes

*White Court Vampires are no longer allowed too feed on any emotion except Lust
**Pure Red & Black courts are not an option
***The Jade Court is up too player/gm choice
****There are 3 other vampire courts,does not mean we can have 7 different vampires
*****Said 7 vampires are not Super Sentai Vampire Ranger
******The Red Court Infected Tattoos do not activate by saying Henshin
*******The White Court does not gain energy from being at the release of Twilight films

Rater202
2014-10-13, 09:48 PM
****Except if the campaign is specifically built around such character concepts
*****Or your playing Monsters & Other Childish Things or Little Fears
******Said Gm's are allowed too be a tad dubious
*******You know what Kenji's back-story can't be used

*Character backgrounds cannot begin with and that is how I broke reality
**Character backgrounds cannot include and that is how I gained the ability too grant wishes

*White Court Vampires are no longer allowed too feed on any emotion except Lust
**Pure Red & Black courts are not an option
***The Jade Court is up too player/gm choice
****There are 3 other vampire courts,does not mean we can have 7 different vampires
*****Said 7 vampires are not Super Sentai Vampire Ranger
******The Red Court Infected Tattoos do not activate by saying Henshin
*******The White Court does not gain energy from being at the release of Twilight films

********I am not allowed to play a Temple Hound when the rest of the group are playing Vampires.
*********Especial not if nobody in the part speaks dog.
**********Not allowed to attack other PCs to get the extra fate points from the compell on my High Concept

8balls
2014-10-13, 11:33 PM
* I am not allowed to play a super hero in a supers game who's only power is making onjects appear if he can make bad puns about them
** My heores weakness isn't sexy lingerie

Lonely Tylenol
2014-10-14, 02:41 AM
*I may no longer use a Portable Hole to pleasure myself.

Anonymouswizard
2014-10-14, 09:49 AM
*White Court Vampires are no longer allowed too feed on any emotion except Lust
**Pure Red & Black courts are not an option
***The Jade Court is up too player/gm choice
****There are 3 other vampire courts,does not mean we can have 7 different vampires
*****Said 7 vampires are not Super Sentai Vampire Ranger
******The Red Court Infected Tattoos do not activate by saying Henshin
*******The White Court does not gain energy from being at the release of Twilight films

******** My White Court Vampire's high concept is not "Edward Cullen, but with less sparkles", because that's obvious.
********* Nor can it be "Edward Cullen, in body glitter".
********** My Indian white court vampire cannot cause pregnancy via staring.
*********** Or an elaborate song and dance routine.
************ "Summon Backup Dancers" is not a power.
************* I may not keep tally of the resulting vampirelings.
************** I should not orchestrate their awakening.
* My werewolf's trouble cannot be "does not own a shirt".
** Especially if female.
*** "In love with the vampire's girlfriend" is right out.
**** "Does not own trousers" as a trouble?

Now, one I've seen multiple people told off for:

* I cannot abuse my engineering skills for fun and profit.

vasharanpaladin
2014-10-14, 12:44 PM
* I cannot abuse my engineering skills for fun and profit.

**Nor my geometry skills.
***Especially since I failed geometry.

Ksheep
2014-10-14, 03:37 PM
* When the DM says we are being attacked by a bear, I may not ask if he meant a platypusbear
** Same goes for skunkbear
*** No, it isn't an armadillobear, it's just a regular old bear
**** It's a bear, not a gopherbear
***** You know what, fine. It's actually an owlbear

DigoDragon
2014-10-14, 03:54 PM
***** You know what, fine. It's actually an owlbear

* Its subtype has no... bearing with the argument. :smallbiggrin:

Hyena
2014-10-14, 04:26 PM
*Character backgrounds cannot begin with and that is how I broke reality
** Except when we are playing Mage the Awakening.

Anonymouswizard
2014-10-14, 07:01 PM
** Except when we are playing Mage the Awakening.

** Or Kult.

Doorhandle
2014-10-14, 07:05 PM
* I am not allowed to play a super hero in a supers game who's only power is making onjects appear if he can make bad puns about them
** My heores weakness isn't sexy lingerie

***If any character has that weakness, not to make battle armor out of lingerie just to hurt him.


*In battle-tech, cannot paint my mecha yellow and call it "The magic schooled bus."
**Especially if it's an atlas.
*Cannot upgrade a flea by replacing it's armour with gasoline-coated toilet paper. It's not THAT weak.
* Grasshopper mecha do not form locust swarms.
* Cannot have "what would Mazinger Z do?" engraved on my mecha's armor.
** Or "what would Kamina do?"
*** We already know what Megas XLR would do, and it's probably a bad idea.
** Same goes with "Carpaie diem"
* No mecha is equipped with a rimshot button
** Or a coffee machine, for that matter.


*My barbarian, while raging, is in fact, angry, and not "just disappointed."

illyahr
2014-10-16, 03:42 PM
I believe there's actually a racial variant that supports this, actually. Grey Kender or something, ones who were afflicted by a magical depression curse and now are tolerable if sad.

They are called Afflicted Kender. The magical fear effect of a Great Wyrm Green combined with the despair of Kenderhome being razed to the ground spun a large group of surviving kender into permanent depression. Tasslehoff Burrfoot almost became one, but shook it off with some help from friends.

Sartharina
2014-10-18, 01:27 AM
*My Post-Apocalyptic Raider cannot be a Nudist Amish Gnoll Paladin.

DigoDragon
2014-10-19, 06:59 PM
* No longer allowed to write a letter to the princess explaining how taking a cannonball to the head leads to a greater understanding in friendships.
** Also no longer allowed to take cannonballs to the head.

GPuzzle
2014-10-19, 07:04 PM
Goddamnit, couldn't see it was you, Digo.

*My sniper doesn't come from New Zealand and was raised on Australia by a couple based on Eustace and Muriel.
**Nor is New Zealand similar to Atlantis.

vasharanpaladin
2014-10-19, 07:38 PM
They are called Afflicted Kender. The magical fear effect of a Great Wyrm Green combined with the despair of Kenderhome being razed to the ground spun a large group of surviving kender into permanent depression. Tasslehoff Burrfoot almost became one, but shook it off with some help from friends.

*When speaking of "afflicted" kender, airquotes are always necessary.
**The little devils are lying, of course. Kender will be killed on sight. No exceptions.
***So will gnomes.

Rater202
2014-10-19, 09:00 PM
* No longer allowed to write a letter to the princess explaining how taking a cannonball to the head leads to a greater understanding in friendships.
** Also no longer allowed to take cannonballs to the head.

***Not aloud to joke about being injured.
****If you do so anyway, you will be curtly informed about this lack of humor.
*****It's not hypocritical when the character correcting you has previously joked about bleeding out while bing charried by your PC.

*Not allowed to rip off the Monkey Island series for adventure Ideas.
**If I do, I should at least change the names.
***Changing "Le Chuck" to "Le Buck" does not count as changing the name.

Sartharina
2014-10-20, 01:13 AM
*May not end a campaign by having a sphinx de-age the party and take them to Disney World.

DigoDragon
2014-10-20, 08:15 AM
Goddamnit, couldn't see it was you, Digo.

Was it the new avatar?



*Not allowed to rip off the Monkey Island series for adventure Ideas.

** Banned from using the idea of killing off the party so that they can commit insurance fraud.



*May not end a campaign by having a sphinx de-age the party and take them to Disney World.

That sounds like fun to me. :)

toapat
2014-10-20, 08:50 AM
*Mindrape's verbal component is not Bwaaa...... (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpR4p41F8G4)

Rater202
2014-10-20, 09:17 AM
** Banned from using the idea of killing off the party so that they can commit insurance fraud.

***Not allowed to have the former BBEG fake a heel face turn in order to kill the PCs.