View Full Version : TPAY/TPBY Kiss or Kill XCIII: *makes new thread*

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2014-09-12, 11:58 AM
What one does here is performs an action, preferably upon the person located directly above you. You can also frame it in asterisks or parentheses. For example:

Me: *hugs white space*
You: *gives marionberry pie*
Her: *bonks on head with great big yellow rubber ducky from Mexico*
Him: *takes on an adventure*
Strategos: Good Morning!!
**gives a cup of hot cocoa**

Please abide by the Three-Post Rule; that is, it would be best if you do not post again until three people have posted after you.

*hugs white space*

2014-09-12, 12:51 PM
*packs up in a box and ships to Greenland*

2014-09-12, 12:52 PM
*crash lands on top of*

Mauve Shirt
2014-09-12, 12:52 PM
Joy! *beheads*

2014-09-12, 01:12 PM
"-to the world...!" *pushes off a rooftop*

2014-09-12, 01:26 PM
"-to the world...!" *pushes off a rooftop*

*sings bad dragon carols to.*

*tasha's hideous laughter*


2014-09-12, 02:08 PM
*steps on foot of*
*rushes to apologize to*
*steps on other foot of*

2014-09-12, 03:26 PM
*Throws poisoned dart at*
*Poison is actually highly hallucinogenic*
*Makes you think ordinary paper is billion dollar bills*
*Buys your house*
*Turns house into a home for the disabled*
*Invites TPBM to the housewarming*

2014-09-12, 06:43 PM
"Good Morning!"
**brings potato salad to housewarming**

2014-09-12, 07:23 PM
*brings a casserole to the housewarming*

*sets a bear trap for TPBM, and baits it with coffee*

2014-09-12, 07:52 PM

... Someone is going to regret this...

*licks the coffee off the ground*

2014-09-12, 09:35 PM
*frees using a halberd*

2014-09-12, 10:58 PM
*Politely takes walking stick back and detaches metal head, then walks off whistling*

2014-09-13, 09:33 AM
*Politely takes walking stick back and detaches metal head, then walks off whistling*

*retrieves walking stick*

*melts walking stick*

*melts TPAM's face*

*yawns, because morning*

2014-09-13, 10:05 AM
*sets traps for the 3 TPBMs*

*eats a bowl of cereal*

2014-09-13, 10:31 AM
*Is unamused by your "bucket of water in doorway" prank*
*Goes outside to dry*

2014-09-13, 10:36 AM
(trades you Drakeburn's unsprung intended-for-me trap for three shiny ninja stars)

2014-09-13, 12:52 PM
*yawns, turns around three times, curls up to sleep away the rain*
*kicks crushed and mangled trap out from underneath*
*dreams about throwing ninja stars at*

2014-09-13, 02:37 PM
*shows up, seeing the previous three posters get traps and expecting to get one too*

...What? Nothing for me? That's unfair! That's discrimination! That's oppression! I will not stand for this!

*arranges a picket line nearby*

2014-09-13, 02:53 PM
*brings grafiti and pitchforks*

2014-09-13, 05:26 PM
"Good Morning!"
**locks you and PurityIcekiller in a cage**
"There you go! You're trapped, just like you wanted."
**walks away whistling**

2014-09-13, 06:47 PM
*throws a Master Ball at*

2014-09-13, 07:11 PM
*ties ponies together with rope, forming them into makeshift bolas*

*chucks pony-bolas at TPBM*

Laughing Dog
2014-09-13, 07:18 PM
*dodges the pony-bolas*

*picks up the Master Ball that very possibly contains Strategos and pockets it*

*unties the ponies*

2014-09-13, 07:51 PM
*trades a magical reactor for the Master Ball*

2014-09-13, 09:02 PM
(trades the Master Ball for one of the shiny ninja stars)

(lets Strategos out and trades another of the shiny ninja stars for a Pokewatch)

2014-09-13, 09:50 PM

*runs around randomly*

*steals master ball*

*trips immediately afterwards*

2014-09-13, 10:06 PM
*grabs the dropped master ball*

*throws it at a Bidoof*

2014-09-13, 11:22 PM
*Runs around screaming because of melted face*
*Accidentally runs in front of thrown Master Ball and gets caught*

2014-09-14, 01:36 AM
"... I'm not sure how you managed that. These things are supposed to have a capacity of one. We'll, looks like we're roommates now. Don't touch any of my things and you'll be fine."
**bakes a batch of chocolate chip cookies for as a welcome present**

2014-09-14, 06:58 AM
*Stabs with potato*

Mauve Shirt
2014-09-14, 07:51 AM
*drinks coffee at, maliciously*

2014-09-14, 08:46 AM
(trades Pokewatch for a phaser from TOS, or, at the latest, TNG)

2014-09-14, 12:14 PM
*carves a nice, menacing scar into your face*

2014-09-14, 12:44 PM
*heats iron while practicing villainous laugh*

2014-09-14, 12:53 PM
*Blends.. a nice smoothie for you*
*Serves smoothie*
*Smoothie actually poisoned*
*The type of poison doesn't affect dragons*
*There is also a poison in it that makes you not a dragon*
*Put the deadly poison takes precedence and you don't die*
*Unless I used this special component to change it*
*But I couldn't afford it*
*But I used a component which did the same*
*But it was too old*
*But it still works*
*But only against fire dragons*

*Draws knife and stabs you*

2014-09-14, 03:15 PM
*replaces knife with a rusty spoon*

2014-09-14, 03:34 PM
"Good Morning!"
**gives two tickets for a cruise down the Rhine to**

2014-09-14, 07:14 PM
*takes spoon*

*gives spoon to Strategos*

*replaces spoon with melted hand*

2014-09-14, 08:38 PM
(trades your hoard for a Star Trek TOS-era phaser)

2014-09-14, 09:43 PM
*Sets up lawn chair inside Master Ball and leans back to watch events unfold*
*Remembers to drink healing potion to fix melted face*

2014-09-14, 11:00 PM
*takes you to a pokemon center*


*is told scar is unhealable without better treatment*

*gets an idea*

*loads you up with 99 rare candies*

*goes hardcore on EV training via supertrainer*

*stops by name rater*

*returns to thread*

*sends you out against TPBM*

"Go, Fire Lord Zuko!"

2014-09-15, 12:13 AM
*Throws bag of potato chips at*
"Fear my air magic!"

2014-09-15, 05:47 AM
"**gives a potato gun to**

2014-09-15, 06:00 AM
*loads self into potato gun*

2014-09-15, 07:03 AM
*robs all of your money*

*fires out of potato cannon*

2014-09-15, 10:36 AM
*potatoes out of fire cannon*

@V: Hey, what'd you do thaaaaaaaaaaaa-

2014-09-15, 10:43 AM
*throws into a deep pit*

2014-09-15, 01:48 PM
*Throws deep pit into.*

2014-09-15, 05:06 PM
*puts you on a streetcar going the wrong way*

2014-09-15, 05:19 PM
*sets a wet cement trap for tpbm*

2014-09-15, 05:45 PM
(krumps ya a good'un wiff da choppah)

Oi ya grots get back to WAAAAAAGH-in' or I'll krump da lot of ya!

(trades coins from a dragon's hoard for squigs on a one-for-one basis)

Laughing Dog
2014-09-15, 06:58 PM
*brings cookies for all in thread*

*hits TPBM with a mace*

(*unless it is Strategos that is TPBM*)

5a Violista
2014-09-15, 07:16 PM
*tells a funny joke, so funny that it's the funniest thing ever*

2014-09-15, 07:42 PM
"Good Morning!"
**gives a hovercraft full of eels to**

2014-09-15, 09:06 PM

Grarrg can't kill you... fine :smallsigh:


2014-09-15, 09:15 PM
*subtly slides a bag of Doritos to as I make my roll*

2014-09-15, 09:31 PM
(trades a bag of deep-fried squigs for your d20 staff)

2014-09-15, 09:35 PM
*paints a 1 on every side of the d20*

2014-09-15, 09:40 PM
*microwaves dice for 2 minutes*

*watched as they pop and are ruined*

2014-09-15, 09:46 PM
"**wraps up in aluminium foil**"

2014-09-15, 09:58 PM
*offers a bowl full of rare candy*

2014-09-16, 08:41 AM
*Eats bowl with a look of contentment on face*

2014-09-16, 08:42 AM
(trades a d20 staff with a 1 on every face for your happiness)

2014-09-16, 11:29 AM
*puts clown makeup on your face*

*sticks a nametag on you saying "TheClownAlucard"*

2014-09-16, 11:45 AM

It was my only option :belkar:

2014-09-16, 01:26 PM
*Stabs with lips*
*Kisses with blade*

@VV Nope, looks like somebody else got in the way

2014-09-16, 01:35 PM
*Stabs with lips*
*Kisses with blade*

*Trades a thousand highly explosive barrels of nitroglicerin for ninja blade.*

*barrels explode*

*you die*

*I laugh*

2014-09-16, 03:14 PM
*rises from the grave*

"Why is everyone so violent all of the sudden?"

*slits TPAM's throat*

"Seriously, we all just need to drink some chai tea or something."

*leaps at TPBM*

2014-09-16, 03:24 PM
*kills again this time without noticing it*

2014-09-16, 03:38 PM
*Kills with dual wield chainsaw katanas*
*Makes steak*
*Offers TPBM dragon steak*

2014-09-16, 07:31 PM
*Eats katanas, looks contented again*

2014-09-16, 08:05 PM
"Good Morning!"
**places a pith helmet on your head**

2014-09-16, 09:13 PM
*throws knock-out gas at the next 4 TPBMs*

Hopefully that will stop the chaos.

*sits down and reads a book, offering Strategos a free Ultra Ball*

2014-09-16, 09:17 PM
*rises from the dead, for like, the 20th time*

"Alright, it's murder time bi-coughcough-"

*looses consciousness*

2014-09-16, 09:37 PM
*is immune to sleep effect*

*kills Anubite because it's become a running gag*

2014-09-16, 09:42 PM
Man, it's been a while!

*looks around*


*sics the shoggoths upon*

2014-09-16, 09:52 PM
**welcome back hugs**
**inhales the knock-out gas**
**falls asleep on top of**

2014-09-16, 09:58 PM

2 out of four is okay I guess, but not exactly the result I was looking for.

*throws holy grenades at the next 5 TPBM's hoping to blow up Zaydos in the process*

2014-09-16, 10:00 PM
*catches one*

I am currently not undead *lets it blow up in my face* therefore it is no threat to me especially with my Protection from Divine Power spell active. Hides me from the sight of gods even as it harmlessly redirects their power when directed against me. Harmlessly to me that is, the concept of charity takes a rather sizable hit.


Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2014-09-16, 10:10 PM
*glasses immediate area from orbit*


*starts jabbing at navigation console in blind panic*

2014-09-16, 11:16 PM
*shoots out of the ground, soars for several miles and crashes into the ship*

HIT THE MUFFIN BUTTON! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJxmSqdwIeM)




*a surplus of muffins quickly fills the compartment and the area outside of it, cushioning it from the divine blast*


*munch* I'm Angsty Anubite, by the way. Nice to meet you! :smallbiggrin:

2014-09-17, 12:10 AM
*Steals cartload of muffins into my bag of holding*

2014-09-17, 12:15 AM
(sends you to convince Drakeburn to quit the "do **** to TPBM" stuff, as this is more about what you're doing to TPAY anyway, and besides narrating what happens to the next several people all at once is more than a little unfair)

2014-09-17, 05:52 AM
*jumps on*

*uses you as a makeshift springboard*

*jumps really high*

*gets scared of heights*


2014-09-17, 09:38 AM
*starts playing the Superman theme on my iPod*

*catches puppies*

*cuddles mercilessly*

2014-09-17, 10:02 AM
*pelts with an assortment of squeaky toys*

2014-09-17, 11:40 AM
*stuffs several squeaky toys into mouth*


2014-09-17, 02:44 PM
*Eats squeak with expression of surprise*

2014-09-17, 05:13 PM
*burst out of chest*

Who is ready to roll some dice? I've got "character sheets". You just need to put in your player name here, here, and on the dotted line here.

2014-09-17, 05:40 PM
*sets your DM/GM screen on fire*

That really adds a nice touch to the whole "evil DM/GM" feel, don't you agree.

*turns on my megaphone*


2014-09-17, 06:38 PM
*shows up in a firetruck and crashes into the screen*

2014-09-17, 06:47 PM
*escapes the cuddles*

*jumps on table, messing up everything, in the middle of a boss fight*

2014-09-17, 08:02 PM
"Good Morning!"
**dresses each pony up as a fighter, rogue, cleric and wizard**

2014-09-17, 08:07 PM
*is relieved to not be made to dress up*
*offers coffee, muffins and a selection of squeaky toys*

2014-09-17, 08:38 PM
*bursts out of*

*forces into a bard costume*

This adventure calls for a 5th party member and you're it.

*hands a pile of character sheets*

You're gonna need these.

2014-09-17, 08:45 PM
*places character dough on the character sheets, then puts them in the oven and turns it on*

2014-09-17, 09:08 PM
*takes character sheets for a fighter, a rogue, a cleric, and a wizard*

*waits for the guy who's always late to show up*

2014-09-17, 09:18 PM
*police box appears out of nowhere*

*burst out of the doors in the getup of a paladin*

"I bought Doritos!*

2014-09-17, 09:34 PM
*plucks the rogue's character sheet from the puppies*

*plops down a jar of cheese puffs*

Alright guys, are you ready for this?

2014-09-17, 09:54 PM
*places ice chest full of beer, soda and Red Bull on top of character sheets*

*cracks knuckles*

*rolls up a monk*

2014-09-17, 09:57 PM
*bursts out of chest*

Alright first encounter, a phase spider ambushes the party critically hitting the bard for twice the bard's max hit point.

And this is why the bard needs a pile of character sheets.

2014-09-17, 10:24 PM
*steals the rogue sheet*

I'll take that!

*gives sheet back to puppy*

*beats Drakeburn with a thin sock full of d4s*

2014-09-17, 11:21 PM
**asks to borrow some d4's**
"I always seem to lose mine, sorry."
**casts Magic Missile**
**passes a Coke to**

2014-09-17, 11:41 PM
*throws a boot at the spider* "That oughta do him in."
*begins drinking 20 gallons of coffee*

2014-09-17, 11:47 PM
*reveals that the phase spider is able to become colossal++++ size at-will*

*has the spider stomp on you*

*makes a bad joke about something communist Athas and spiders*

Someone laced my food with milk and catnip!

2014-09-18, 06:16 AM
*rolls a 1 on UMD*

*magic item explodes*

Mercenary Pen
2014-09-18, 03:35 PM
*attaches floor length false beards to everyone in the thread- with superglue*

2014-09-18, 06:25 PM
"Good Morning!"
**forces to walk the plank off of an airship**

Laughing Dog
2014-09-18, 06:48 PM
*hands random Airship part*
I found this lying near a pile of rubble in the engine compartment.

@V: Devil, not a demon. That said, after I recorporeate in Baator, I'll see about getting demons funneled your way.

2014-09-18, 06:51 PM
*feeds to my mutant pokemon*

If I feed them 1000 demons they'll evolve into a never before heard of form with their lowest base stat being 120 and a total of 1000 base stats.

Mauve Shirt
2014-09-18, 07:00 PM
*passes noise-cancelling headphones*
They can't hear you if you can't hear them. Pretend they're not there and they'll leave you be.

@V: <3

2014-09-18, 07:07 PM
Mauve! I have a present for you.


2014-09-18, 08:09 PM
*steals bees*
*replaces with spiderbats*

2014-09-18, 08:29 PM
*releases the bees*

*casts plant growth in various surrounding areas*

Go forth and pollinate!

*creates a bee utopia*

@v: *watches you to make sure you aren't hurting them*

Ooh bee dragon now that is an idea. What is the adjective form of bee?

2014-09-18, 09:11 PM
*befriends the bees*

2014-09-18, 10:51 PM
*grants vast magical powers over ice and snow*

2014-09-19, 12:48 AM
*points at your usernane*


*crashes a star destroyer on top of you*

Mercenary Pen
2014-09-19, 06:42 AM
*sees your star destroyer and raises with a squadron of B-Wings and a pair of Corellian Gunships*

2014-09-19, 08:24 AM
*hijacks all the ships and takes them out to play*

2014-09-19, 09:16 AM
**carefully places an admiral's hat on your head**

2014-09-19, 09:24 AM
**carefully places an admiral's hat on your head**

*removes hat; replaces with melted face*

2014-09-19, 09:25 AM
*steals hat, wears over his face*

2014-09-19, 10:32 AM
*puts flowers in hat*

*declares Crimson Knight the admiral of the Mushroom Kingdom*

2014-09-19, 11:11 AM
*challenges to an insult swordfight*

Nobody's ever drawn blood from me and nobody ever will.

2014-09-19, 11:27 AM
*carefully draws blood with a needle and syringe*

*gives as tribute to a volcano god*

2014-09-19, 12:32 PM
*Becomes cleric of volcano god*

2014-09-19, 01:14 PM
*pops out of volcano and accepts my tribute*

What can I say, it's a gig. Pop out of a volcano every decade or so, and get tribute all decade long. Plus full health and dental. Great for the small number of hours put into it.

*breaths out a line of magma into the air to remind people I am a volcano god*

2014-09-19, 01:45 PM
*pops out of volcano and accepts my tribute*

What can I say, it's a gig. Pop out of a volcano every decade or so, and get tribute all decade long. Plus full health and dental. Great for the small number of hours put into it.

*breaths out a line of magma into the air to remind people I am a volcano god*

*easilly slays volcano god*

*laughs, points at corpse*

*Becomes Ultimate Mega Ultra Swamp God!*

2014-09-19, 03:45 PM
*plays loud music in your ear*

2014-09-19, 03:46 PM
"Good Morning!"
**gives a Kabuto egg to**

** edit **

"Argh! Ninja'd!"
**sets on fire instead**

2014-09-19, 03:50 PM
*almost end of the workday high fives*


2014-09-19, 04:33 PM
(offers your choice of rum or coffee)

(compliments Purity on his new avatar)

2014-09-19, 05:51 PM
*challenges to a complimenting contest TO THE DEATH*

You beautiful, beautiful person you.

2014-09-19, 07:54 PM
**buries under a giant pile of pancakes**
**douses in maple syrup**

2014-09-19, 09:19 PM
*adds banana slices and chocolate chips to the pancakes*

Mauve Shirt
2014-09-19, 10:03 PM
*buys you a Cadillac*

2014-09-19, 10:31 PM
*buys you a pony*

2014-09-19, 10:32 PM
*wrastles with*

2014-09-19, 10:49 PM
*films the fight between you two and makes millions*

*rolls around in a pile of money*

Mercenary Pen
2014-09-20, 07:53 AM
*sends in an elite team of special forces cyborgs to clear out the last remaining pirates after yesterday's traditional frivolities*

2014-09-20, 10:22 AM
*compliments awesome username and avatar*

2014-09-20, 11:07 AM
*poke poke poke poke*

2014-09-20, 11:16 AM
*installs anti-poking force field*

2014-09-20, 11:29 AM
*reverses the neutron polarity1 of the anti-poking forcefield so that it instead pokes Crimson Knight*

1The Doctor is allowed to do that, and this is supposed to be silly.

2014-09-20, 12:22 PM
*rehearses for a play called "The Polarity of the Neutron Flow"*

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2014-09-20, 12:44 PM


*isn't sure where I was going with this*

2014-09-20, 01:33 PM
Spy check!

*starts blasting everyone with a flamethrower*

2014-09-20, 04:17 PM
(applies truncheon to)

I was never really on your side!

2014-09-20, 06:11 PM
*pulls off your mask*

*recoils in horror*

*calls moonbase for new orders*

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2014-09-20, 06:23 PM
*communicator static* This is Moonbase. Standby. Measures have been taken.

*activates the ancient and mysterious World Engines hidden deep, deep beneath the lunar surface*

*sends the moon hurtling in for a collision with [World], centered on TPAM's location*

2014-09-20, 07:10 PM
"Good Morning!"
**gives protein pills to**
**asks whose shirts you wear**

2014-09-20, 10:23 PM
*sets Cyndaquils loose in the thread*

*watches as the wild Cyndaquils set the thread on fire*

2014-09-20, 10:55 PM
*quickly makes a YouTube playlist of every song that involves fire*

*clicks shuffle and starts playing*

2014-09-21, 02:28 AM
*moves the entire thread to the moon*

2014-09-21, 08:25 AM
*puts on custom space suits*

*jumps and runs around*

@V: *consistantly fails at catching ball*

2014-09-21, 09:09 AM
(throws a ball, then laughs since the helmets will prevent them picking it up)

2014-09-21, 03:40 PM
*throws a Master Ball*

*traps Count Alucard in it*

*sells it to TPBM*

2014-09-21, 03:52 PM
*Challenges TPBM*

"Go, TheCountAlucard!"

Mauve Shirt
2014-09-21, 03:55 PM
*transmutes into vapor*

2014-09-21, 04:00 PM
"Hey, you're still my Poke-man! Return!"

*puts you back in your master ball*

*notices Count Alucard*

*thinks for a minute*

"... Go, Twelvetrees! Use baby doll eyes!

Son of a...

*banishes to the ninja dimension*

2014-09-21, 04:09 PM
*Sees a shiny red button*

OOOH! Pretty!

*pushes button*

Thread self-destruction sequence initiated! 2 Minutes to explosion and counting.

2014-09-21, 04:25 PM
*traps the thread in an alternate forum and detonates from the safety of this one*

2014-09-21, 04:35 PM
*gives a pirate hat to*

2014-09-21, 05:35 PM
*puts in a box and ships to Australia*

2014-09-21, 05:45 PM
*ships with Australia in a bad fanfic*

2014-09-21, 06:45 PM
*climbs aboard the ship heading to Australia*

I'm saved! I'm finally saved!

2014-09-21, 08:17 PM
(mistakes for a pony)

2014-09-21, 10:14 PM
*creates web of ships for everyone in the thread*

2014-09-21, 11:07 PM
*Runs screaming away*

"Boat Spiders!"

2014-09-22, 12:29 AM
Spider Boat, Spider Boat

Does whatever a Spider Boat does

Can it swim? No it ca-

*gets hit by a Spider Boat*

2014-09-22, 05:29 PM
(invites you to a party with a bunch of Setites)

2014-09-22, 06:57 PM
"Good Morning!"
**shows up to the party with a group of Hittites**

Mauve Shirt
2014-09-22, 07:43 PM
*passes a coffee and a textbook*
In terms of computer system security, what's the difference between a risk, a threat and a vulnerability?

2014-09-22, 11:20 PM
*challenges to a game of Risk, followed by a game of Threat, then a game of Vulnerability*

2014-09-23, 04:53 AM
(sighs sadly and blows out the candle on a pathetic little cupcake)

2014-09-23, 05:28 AM
*throws the greatest party ever. Of all time.*

2014-09-23, 03:42 PM
*puts said party in a pocket universe outside of the space-time continuum*

Now nothing can stop me from having The Greatest Party of All Time! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

2014-09-23, 03:48 PM
*steals the party*

2014-09-23, 03:54 PM

How ya doin'?

2014-09-24, 12:01 AM

The Corps is mother; the Corps is father.

2014-09-24, 12:34 AM
*summons the Green Lantern Corps, who bester you in combat and send you to your room*

*gives a Green Lantern Ring to TPBM*

2014-09-24, 01:20 AM
*Uses green lantern ring*
*Light powers synergize poorly with ninja powers*
*Throws ring into the ocean*

2014-09-24, 07:46 AM
*talks into a lava pit*

*watches the new Sith Lord rise*

2014-09-25, 09:58 AM
* kiss *

2014-09-25, 01:24 PM
*throws a Pokeball at*

That Pikachu will be mine!

2014-09-25, 03:03 PM
*eats pokeball*

*goes through the disturbing process of being captured from the inside-out*

2014-09-25, 03:19 PM
*watches in horror*


2014-09-25, 04:38 PM
*breaks out a video camera*

Youtube fame, here I come...

2014-09-25, 05:20 PM
*spills coffee onto the camera*

Whoops. :smallredface:

2014-09-25, 06:24 PM
(sails off into the sunset with)

Second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning. :smallsmile:

2014-09-25, 06:55 PM
*crashes a magical pirate ship on top of you*

2014-09-25, 06:57 PM
*chucks his broken camera overboard, then heads belowdecks grumbling*

2014-09-25, 07:12 PM
*grabs TPAM*

*stuffs into a cannon*


*shoots at TPBM*

2014-09-25, 09:54 PM
*casts dominate from an ethereal jaunt*

2014-09-25, 09:56 PM

*hands a dry towel to*

2014-09-26, 12:40 AM
*floods the thread with lava*

*goes lava surfing*

2014-09-26, 05:56 AM
*plays "The Floor is Lava"*

*jumps on TPBM*

2014-09-26, 07:58 AM
*suddenly has a lap full of puppies*

*gives them all peanut butter*

Mercenary Pen
2014-09-26, 09:36 AM
*travels back in time and prevents the existence of peanuts*

2014-09-26, 11:12 AM
*is there waiting for you*

I'm afraid I can't let you do that.

*redirects time travel to put you in place to prevent the existence of dragon slayers instead*

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2014-09-26, 12:43 PM
*is there waiting for him, to preserve the timeline again*

*redirects Mercenary Pen to prevent the existence of Zaydos, but misses and prevents the existence of Mercenary Pen instead*

I'm sure I was just doing something.

*curses Zaydos out of principle, goes back to bed*

2014-09-26, 12:49 PM
*Dumps a bucket of hotsauce on*

*escapes through ventilation ducts*

2014-09-26, 01:28 PM
*fills the air vents with intense french perfume*

2014-09-26, 02:14 PM
*gives you a mask*

2014-09-26, 03:28 PM

*turns about*

*puts back down*

*points off over the horizon*

There lies adventure. Go. Now. It spoils if you leave it too long.

2014-09-26, 03:31 PM
*casts epic enslave spell on*

2014-09-26, 03:55 PM
(copycats copycatcat)

2014-09-26, 04:57 PM
*Hands you a bag of chips*

(Awkward pause)

*Hands a bag of chips to copycatcat too*

2014-09-26, 05:27 PM
*injects with super soldier serum*

2014-09-26, 05:46 PM
*gives a Wind Lance and a dozen black arrows*

Here. You might need these to shoot down Zaydos. They'll have to do until I can find the Dragonlances

*goes off to find a Dragonlance*

2014-09-26, 05:51 PM
kvkbkvyxu kckbby,of[45478hnuiTjgu,55gf7sxibnn6f
;todc6byuyojolvuc8ufov:smallfurious:vcccc,og8v90f8 sb7desnm9k0f++++++8df8n8d+w0+r0++cr++3+

You have been the victim of spam from a 5 year old who wanted to press random buttons.

Mercenary Pen
2014-09-26, 07:53 PM
*returns to existence somehow*

*replaces your computer with a tin of spam*

2014-09-26, 09:20 PM
*has mind blank*

*is level 1 googol enchanter*

*casts epic spell enslave on every person to have posted in this thread, and crafts a hundred contingent spells to cast it on new arrivals*

*gets bored*

*makes a sandwich*

*commands TPBM to do their attack on me by casting a tasha's hideous laughter and a shivering touch*

2014-09-26, 09:23 PM
*points out that you under estimate a blue wyrm's defensive spells*

*disjoins your defenses*

*feeds you to the person below me*

2014-09-26, 09:30 PM
Eh, no thanks. I had archmage for lunch, and you know I've been trying to cut back.

*engages in an explosively awesome mock-battle, just for the hell of it*

2014-09-26, 11:34 PM
*walks up to, tennis ball in mouth*

2014-09-27, 12:04 AM
*mentally commands to kill Zaydos, he who dares defy The Ultimate Enchanter*
*If not enslaved, recasts enslave. If does not enslave, dispel and enslave, repeat until success is reached. If subject has nonmagical immunity to mind-affecting, then create an entirely new species that exists just to be their bane*
Applies to TPAM and TPBM.

Laughing Dog
2014-09-27, 07:50 AM
*shoots in the head*
*from inside of antimagic field*
You were saying?

2014-09-27, 09:56 AM
*asks to pass around bounty posters around the thread*



Reward: 100,000 gold per head. Dead or alive

2014-09-27, 11:06 AM
*hands over both their heads*

*pockets reward*

*Walks away whistling*

2014-09-27, 12:42 PM
*serves you a heady liquor*

2014-09-27, 03:27 PM
*recruits for adventure*

We're going hunting baflingphrams, be very very careful they can spit vileness and shoot hatred.

2014-09-27, 03:33 PM
*stabs with excalibur*

I got one! I got one!

2014-09-27, 04:31 PM
*I am true resurrected by someone with strict instructions from several contingent spells*

*hides on the Astral plane*

*adds summoning a monster near those who are immune to the effects of enslave(my no-ritual version)
*tries total enslavement again*
*Makes summon a seperate spell that summons a creature whose mere proximity is poisonous to dragons*
*casts it to form one near Zaydos*
*casts suggestion on many times: destroy all bounty posters targeting me in this land, and kill those who would hang them up. Don't kill me. Attempt to kill Orm-Embar at all costs. Kill any mage you have proof that they have epic spellcasting except me.*

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2014-09-27, 05:10 PM
*is sitting next to TPAM, smoking a cheap cigarette*


*strangles with magic-proof bandana*

*steals from*

I know a dimension where magic doesn't work at all. I try to avoid it; it's weird there.

*leaves in the astral plane instead*

2014-09-27, 05:19 PM
*waves at from the Astral Plane*

*is covered in things poisonous to dragons*

*is healed by poison*

Targ Collective
2014-09-27, 05:28 PM
*Is operating above the mental plane, so is impervious to mental suggestions*

*Casts Epic-level protection against domination on entire thread*

*Extends to entire forum*

*Invokes Liberty Elohim to support and power it*

*Casts countermeasures against disenchantment - too elaborate to discuss here but let's say if you mess with the wards Bad Things Happen*

*Seals the spellsource in my own soul as a final precaution*

*Offers EmeraldRose a coffee*

*Challenges copycatcat to a duel for the fate of all those she enslaved*

2014-09-27, 06:37 PM
*finds stone tablet of manipulate all epic effects to unleash their might on one thing*
*shapechanges into a Zodar*
*wishes for +basically infinity Int item*
*dismisses shapechange*
*achieves perfect knowledge*
*jots twenty pages of notes down*
*casts aforementioned spell on Targ, Zaydos, Fullbladder, Laughing Dog, Drakeburn, and Orm-Embar, and one of the bounty posters*
*casts true resurrection with the gold from my spell factories*
*repeats until enemies are at Level 1 and Con 1*
*wonders how long it will take until you're ready again*
*realizes you'll fiat it, since we do all have that power on ourselves*
*disjuncts the +Int item*
*casts epic spell on stone tablet*
*laughs at Targ*
Silly Mr.Collective, you can't beat someone who has fiat-beating fiat, and everyone here with an unguarded mind is mine! And I have plenty of True Resurrection contingencies... I absolutely adore that bottled joy spell. Quite helpful for wishing for magic items.
*reads note*
*is astounded*
*casts modify memory on self- All I did was kill an Aleax of myself. Why not?*

2014-09-27, 07:21 PM
"Good Morning!"
**throws water balloons at**

2014-09-27, 07:33 PM
*Catches water balloons and begins to juggle*

2014-09-27, 08:18 PM
*throws chainsaws into your juggling*

2014-09-27, 08:44 PM
*throws in a wrench*
*returns to secluded demiplane*

Targ Collective
2014-09-27, 08:51 PM
*As copycatcat watches, Light pours into me from the plane of Light restoring my levels and Con*

Silly copycatcat. I am no mere mortal. I am an avatar, sent by the plane of Light, to further the interests of Light in this plane.

Did you know this reality we live in is holographic? That means it is *made of light*. Every atom, every particle, is really a waveform of light that just so happens to have taken on substance. And I... I am master of it all.

*floats closer, shining with brilliant white Light*

Now, you are, I believe, merely insecure. I think that is why you seek to dominate. Therefore I will not be unduly harsh with you.

*Light forms chains around copycatcat, holding her in place. Suddenly they flare.*

By the power invested in me by the Plane of Light, I seal your power away until you have grown enough to use it.

*My orb of Light flares and envelopes copycatcat. As she struggles within it she watches, horrified, as her magic talent leeches into the orb. Eventually there is no more magic to absorb, and the Light orb, shining strangely, returns to me.*

I seal this magic in the Plane of Light until such time as copycatcat has, in the judgement of the Lords of Light, grown enough to be entrusted with it again.

*My orb of Light flares brightly. The strange sheen leaves it, and once more it is simply a white orb of Light.*

Let that be a lesson to you copycatcat. Seeking to dominate an Avatar of Light was... unwise.

I turn away and greet EmeraldRose.


2014-09-27, 09:12 PM
*questions Targ's ability to survive every creature with a CR, excepting those immune to spells, even specififc people(if vulnerable to mind-affecting), post-every negative non epic spell, post epic dispelling, have immunity to all ability damage, death effects, mind-affecting effects, not be banished to his own home plane, have immunity to energy damage, immune to polymorph, and after all this, have immunity to untyped damage*
*does that last one even exist*
You may have been confused about what all epic spells meant. I'm also not a specialist; I'm a domain wizard.
*is taught that looking through all the epic seeds is tiresome*
*that spell's spellcraft DC is actually infinity, and so are its saves*

Targ Collective
2014-09-27, 09:27 PM
You don't seem to understand. *I am an avatar of the Light planes, with a direct soulular connection to them. You would have to snuff out the Plane of Light to destroy me.*

Also, three-post rule, copycatcat.

2014-09-27, 09:29 PM
**places a cucco on your head**

2014-09-27, 10:09 PM
*hands you a box full of mad science*

*and chocolates*

V ow! (rubs nose)

2014-09-27, 10:13 PM
*thwacks with a rolled up DMG*

I was wondering where my mad science box got to.

@v: Let's see old school non-weapon proficiency check... survival... you find enough food for you and 3 of your companions instead of just you and one other.

2014-09-27, 10:30 PM
*rolls a 1 on a d20*

Now what happens?

2014-09-27, 10:42 PM
Roll a d4 to see which of your puppies gets dominated!

Mr. Collective, can your light plane be destroyed by the maximum power epic spell possible?
The spell is willing to inflict collateral damage, although it will choose the way that does not require it.

*Achieves clarity from the notes from the guy with infinite Intelligence*

2014-09-27, 10:48 PM
*points out that no infinite Int item actually exists in the books and it is up to the DM whether one could be created by Wish*

*so you'd be stuck with the best one in the Epic Level Handbook at best*

*so no infinite DC spell for you*

*also rocks fall*

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2014-09-27, 11:06 PM

*puts on glasses, squints*

What kind of spell was cast at me? I don't. I don't see it.


*recruits giant giant alien robots that turn into dinosaurs made of knives to help fight Zaydos*

<The legend exists>

*swings sword around*

2014-09-28, 12:10 AM
Ah, Mr. Freeze, I've been expecting you.


*produces a Batman movie with you as the main villain*

...*one that doesn't suck*

Seriously, he's Batman's best villain, but the only big Batman movie he was in was friggin' Batman and Robin.

2014-09-28, 12:15 AM
*shows up to production dressed as Robin*

Lets ruin make a movie!

2014-09-28, 12:49 AM
*Rex dresses up as Ace*


2014-09-28, 07:05 AM
*shows up as Freeze's henchman #3*

2014-09-28, 09:16 AM
*dresses up in mini parkas*

Laughing Dog
2014-09-28, 10:22 AM
*reminds BasketOfPuppies about the three-post rule*
*dresses up as Alfred Pennyworth*

2014-09-28, 10:31 AM
*comes to the audition as Spellbinder*

Don't be afraid. I don't bite.