What Do You Ask A Tree?

[The Bandicoot]

In a game I've been playing I recently bought a magical tree sapling from a world where plants are the only things there. No animals no insects no nothing. Now I can talk to plants but the only issue is what questions do I ask it and how do I word these questions so that it will understand?

I want to learn more about it and learn what kind of magic it has.

[Phoenixguard09]

"a-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lindor-burúme."

Of course, all you've said is hill... :smalltongue:

[Tarlek Flamehai]

Do you have roots around here?
Are you leafing?

Just ask those and it will know you are barking mad!

[Kami2awa]

"Would you like a hug?"

Seriously though, its view of the world is going to depend on what it can perceive. Is it able to see and hear around itself? Does it perceive time in the same way or is the world massively slowed down/speeded up from its point of view, so that beings like humans and animal might be hard to notice unless they stand still for a week?

It also depends on what it's like. Is it a nice tree that wants to preserve the "balance of nature" or is it a sapthirsty thing that is perpetually fighting its neighbours for light and space and sucking the life out of the soil? It may not understand how animals work at all (i.e. that they need to eat, can't get energy directly from the sun, and so on). There's an episode of Star Trek with a mineral-based alien that calls humans "ugly bags of water" because that's what it perceives.

Could be very interesting to talk to, if a bit frustrating.

[archon_huskie]

If there are no bugs, how does the tree spread its pollen? If there are no animals, how does it spread its seeds?

I'd imagine that a tree sorcerer would have control winds, animate creature, telekinesis, control weather, create water, resistance to elements. stuff that a plant would find most useful.

[endoperez]

"How's it hanging?"

"You holding up?"

"Am I barking the wrong tree?"

"Is an old tree more holey than a young one?"

"Do you berry your elders or leave them be?"

"You gonna stick it to the man?"

"This is quite a 'fir-motif' forest isn't it?"

Seriously though, weather, communication, and any possible big taboos are important.

Weather and communication because they sound like something immobile (I assume) plants would know.

Taboos because the chance of accidentally insulting a world would be bad.

[Sith_Happens]

"I am Groot."

[A Tad Insane]

What do you do all day except photosynthesis? If I were a tree in a plant only world, I would devote a life time to figure out immortality, then another life time to learn how to move, then one final life time to getting of that plant that's only good for paper, rope, medicine, and beauty products

[boomwolf]

"Bro, do you even lift?"

[Slipperychicken]

"Paper or plastic?"

"If one of you guys falls, and no-one's around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

"Should I carry you around with me, or leaf you alone?"

[mikeejimbo]

Are you nuts?

What would be fruitful to discuss?

Ask about its particular branch of magic.

Do you like to stick to your roots?

What do you pine for?

What do you consider knotty?

.. Dang I'm coming up short on puns.

[tomandtish]

"I am Groot."

Unless you want to befriend it, in which case...

"We are Groot".

[Jay R]

The usual approach is to assume that the tree knows what has happened in this area - recently, and maybe for a long time.

"Are there orcs hiding behind you?"

"Did a pirate bury a treasure near here ten years ago?"

"Is this the location of the fabled garden of Ahol-Golombatten a thousand years ago?"

But your tree has been moved recently, so that won't work.

Use trial and error. You can re-cast the spell each day, so you don't have to worry about wasting questions.

[LibraryOgre]

A mile frae Pentcaitland, on the road to the sea
Stands a yew tree a thousand years old
And the old women swear by the grey o' their hair
That it knows what the future will hold
For the shadows of Scotland stand round it
'Mid the kail and the corn and the kye
All the hopes and the fears of a thousand long years
Under the Lothian sky

My bonnie yew tree
Tell me what did you see

Did you look through the haze o' the lang summer days
Tae the South and the far English border
A' the bonnets o' steel on Flodden's far field
Did they march by your side in good order
Did you ask them the price o' their glory
When you heard the great slaughter begin
For the dust o' their bones would rise up from the stones
To bring tears to the eyes o' the wind

My bonnie yew tree
Tell me what did you see

Not once did you speak for the poor and the weak
When the moss-troopers lay in your shade
To count out the plunder and hide frae the thunder
And share out the spoils o' their raid
But you saw the smiles o' the gentry
And the laughter of lords at their gains
When the poor hunt the poor across mountain and moor
The rich man can keep them in chains

My bonnie yew tree
Tell me what did you see

Did you no' think tae tell when John Knox himsel'
Preached under your branches sae black
To the poor common folk who would lift up the yoke
O' the bishops and priests frae their backs
But you knew the bargain he sold them
And freedom was only one part
For the price o' their souls was a gospel sae cold
It would freeze up the joy in their hearts

My bonnie yew tree
Tell me what did you see

And I thought as I stood and laid hands on your wood
That it might be a kindness to fell you
One kiss o' the axe and you're freed frae the racks
O' the sad bloody tales that men tell you
But a wee bird flew out from your branches
And sang out as never before
And the words o' the song were a thousand years long
And to learn them's a long thousand more

My bonnie yew tree
Tell me what CAN you see