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SuperJesusFTF
2007-03-11, 07:44 PM
What was the funniest thing a PC that you DMd for or played with did in game.

I had a Warlock and he found a wand, wasnt sure what it was so he tried to activate blindly.

Warlock: Whats the DC to activate the wand blindly?

DM (me): Its DC 25.

Other Player: But hes not blind!?

He was completely serious too, im sure you know the type that doesnt have a sence of humor so everything they say is serious.

LotharBot
2007-03-11, 07:59 PM
Our party's half-orc barbarian, Grokk, spends about 90% of his time smashing things. "Grokk smash!" is his battle cry.

"OK, Grokk, since you won the game [a dice game at a high-class establishment] you have to tell a story."

"Once, when Grokk was a kid, Grokk was walking in the woods. There was a little frog."

*long pause*

"So Grokk smash!"

cylepher
2007-03-11, 08:01 PM
DM (me): You smell a foul stench in the room, and can barely make out a large form in the center of the cavern.

Wizard: Lets wait for the others to get here.

Halfling Monk: Screw that, I run up and attack, Flurry of Blows!

DM: The huge black dragon looks down at you and spits...roll a new character.


Mind you, they were only 4th level. Ah well......

RandomNPC
2007-03-11, 08:06 PM
i had someone disect a dragon after a battle it went something like this.

Fighter: i cut the dragon open and search it's innards, they've been known to snack on gems.
Me: ok, you slice her open and find a bunch of dragon organs
Fighter: just regualr dragon organs? nothing else?
Me: you notice a few of them are slightly out of key
Fighter: What?
Barbarian: are they pipe organs or some other kind of organ?
Me: just dragon organs, but you were expecting something special, so a few organs are out of key

i've got more moments but my minds a bit tired, ill post 'em later.

NecroPaladin
2007-03-11, 09:36 PM
I don't mean to plug my own thread, but a lot of good things pop up at the PC Stupidity Thread. Of course, those only pertain to the moments that are funny because they're idiotic.

Aside from this, I know I mentioned my Paladin's undead-themed one liners somewhere, and this was a good conversation;

Namesake the Necropaladin: That was quite the battle. I need you to heal me.

Dread Necromancer: Come again? I don't heal, I'm a necromancer.

NN: Only dark energy can help me stand once I'm down.

DN: Are you coming on to me? I mean, you're a priest. That's kinda wrong.

NN: I beg your pardon? I simply need you to touch me-

DN: Okay, No.

NN *draws club*: Do not think that I will not resort to punishing your frail form until you agree to touch me!

DN: Ew! Dude, that is not...normal! What is wrong with you? That isn't HEALING!

NN: It most certainly is, Necromancer. Now lend me your hand!

DN: God no!

NN: God no? I am a servant of those gods! I will be useless in battle until I have only a fraction of your power in my hands!!

DN: Wait, you want your hands on ME now?




It went on like this.

Voleta
2007-03-11, 10:39 PM
Our group was faced with trying to leave a city surrounded by evil horrible people. The party is all good, and I'm a CN gnome bard. Yea. They were all arguing about how to escape, and I had come up with a plan, but no one was paying attention. I slammed a book down on the table and said "SHUT UP I'm being clever!"

I then stormed the city's Information Office (yes, it was a big cubic building with plain walls and no windows) and attempted to convince them that I had a plan to drain the sewers so the city could be evacuated. Yes, my plan consisted of getting the money, running away at full speed,then offering it to the advancing army to let me pass.

Luircin
2007-03-14, 12:15 AM
So my players were given an assignment to sneak across enemy lines and disable a bunch of catapults. A simple go-in, go-out mission. The minotaurs in the encampment were nice and drunk with heavy penalties on their listen checks from the partying, and it was the time of the night during which the guards are the sleepiest.

First thing that they do when they come across the encampment? Fireball, burning hands, flaming sphere. Lit the camp up like a torch, literally, burning down all the buildings with the partying minotaurs in them. They managed to take out the catapults, but mostly because they were charred cinders by the end.

One of the guards managed to escape and was bringing reinforcements. As they ran from the burning encampment, my players went and added insult to injury by singing off-key. "Burninating the catapults! Burninating the barracks! Burninating the drunken minotaurs!"

It became a running gag for the rest of the campaign AND the one after it...

CatGuy
2007-03-14, 12:43 AM
The Shugenja PC in a campaign I DM is a 'cult leader' type who, at level 7, seems to have convinced even himself that he is his own deity. The real mystery, though, is the cleric cohort who worships that PC. Three sessions in and even I'm not exactly sure where that cleric's getting his spells from.

Vaynor
2007-03-14, 12:55 AM
The Shugenja PC in a campaign I DM is a 'cult leader' type who, at level 7, seems to have convinced even himself that he is his own deity. The real mystery, though, is the cleric cohort who worships that PC. Three sessions in and even I'm not exactly sure where that cleric's getting his spells from.

Technically that works... which is kinda scary.

It's a "divine source", or something to that affect...

Jade_Tarem
2007-03-14, 02:28 AM
The party I DM for entered a room with a curious enchantment placed there - any spell cast in the area would become a living spell (not just area of effect spells). They found this out after the casting of a contagion spell, so now they fight the living, oozy essence of the contagion magic. The party was light on players and so the powergamer was running two: a gnomish rogue named Opti and a human cleric named Justin Case. Opti got caught in the ooze and finally made it out after having his con reduced to low, low single digits. When he got free the player got Opti out of there as fast as he could, tumbling to avoid AOO's - which Opti happened to be very good at.

Player: Opti gets free? In that case he gets back up and tumbles to hell.

Me (slightly confused, this is the powergamer, after all): Can you do that?

Player (distracted, rolling dice): If you're good enough. (Finishes, looks up with a sneaky expression) Or... bad enough.

This still does a better job of cheering me up than a number of other things.

KuReshtin
2007-03-14, 06:21 AM
I once played a human rogue that was chosen to complete a riddle that our DM had set up for us.
The DM liked putting in OOC type riddles in the game for some reason and this particular one was a statue of some sort with 10 arms, one of which was holding a golden orb.
After much deliberation within the group, and reading a few hints on pillars located at the perimeter of the room the statue as in, we came to the conclusion that we needed to find items symbolising the 9 planets of the solar system. Since there were nothing but the statue in the room, we scout ahead a bit and find a room littlered with small items that we figure needs to be used to complete the riddle.
We all head back to the roo with the statue with a heap of stuff. First try to put an item on the first little platform..

**ZAP!**

Lightning bolt fires out of one of the pillars and hits the group. Everybody freaks out and runs out of the room in fear of getting hit by more lightning bolts.
Since I was the rogue with the Dodge feat, I was chose to go back in and try ot sort the riddle and solve the puzzle.
Every time I placed an incorrect item on a platform, a lightning bolt would go for me, and every time I rolled a reflex save, and each time I managed to dodge the full damage of the lightning bolt.
Of course, if I got hit, I'd just turn to the cleric and ask for a CLW, but the amount of saves I made during that trial had the players rolling with laughter and the DM getting more and more annoyed because his trap didn't seem to have any effect on my PC.

Me: I place the tiny shoe on the third platform and get ready to dodge.
DM: You hear a slight noise and then a bolt of lightning shoots at you from one of the pillars. Roll reflex save.
Me: *rolls* Total of 24.
DM: Damn. Lightning bolt misses.
Me: Okay, then I place the tea cup on the third platform and get ready to dodge.
DM: again, you hear the slight noise and another bolt of lightning shoots at you. Roll reflex save.
Me: *Rolls* Total 22.
DM: Dammit.

And repeat....

ExHunterEmerald
2007-03-14, 07:54 AM
Terrence Randall, my rogue ex-bandit who found religion.
We always joked about how bad he'd be if he tried to become a cleric or paladin.
"You know, there's a ranged smite feat..." "I can see it now. 'TASTE TEH JESUS!' Twang!"

"Oh man, Terry would be the worst priest ever. 'Brother Terrence, why
are the new acolytes passed out on the foyer rug?' 'Damn, I knew I shouldn't've slipped them some sacramental wine.' 'What?' 'Uh, nothing. Praise Allah!' 'Argen.' 'Whatever.'"

I've made a few incarnations, and nowadays one is going through the Tomb of Horrors. I -really- maxed out my saves. I have a +20 to reflex and evasion. The first trap I sprung was a hallway with rocks falling in. I roll something like a 38 and remind the DM that Terry takes no damage on a passed reflex save.
So we decided that he does a quadruple-jedi-style-backflip out of the tunnel dodging rocks and comes out on one knee, arms outstretched, with an inexplicable rose in his teeth.

Later I kept attacking these undead swarms of insects by jumping on and off an altar that launched a lightning bolt and a fireball when touched. I kept making my saves, and the bugs became crispy critters.

Steve_the_ERB
2007-03-14, 09:27 AM
Long story, but hopefully amusing.

So the party is camped on the beach near a pit (more of a trapdoor really) leading down to an underground outpost. We know the entrance way is trapped, monsters appear every time we pass the threshold. We decide to camp for the night before going further.

During the night the monk decides to go fishing (he has supposed to be on watch but has some strange obsession with fishing, although not for much longer...) With some crude line (no pole, no net) he saunters down to the water and throws the line in. After a little while there is a heavy tug on the line. He fights with it for a while but the final tug yanks him off his feet and drags him into the water (as he had tied the line to his belt).

The druid, who is also on watch, sees this, gives the nearest character (the fighter) a shove and starts running towards the water. The fighter quickly grabs her sword and runs after. Neither of them think to wake up the rest of the party (myself - the wizard or the dwarven cleric).

As the druid dives into the water he transforms into a huge shark and making a split second decision the fighter grabs his dorsal fin as he goes under. They speed after the monk and find that the other end of the line is in fact held by a sahaugin raiding party. Apparently one of them got caught in it and they pulled the foolish land-dweller under. They then subdued him with some sort of conch shell that acted as both a water breathing potion and a knockout gas.

With a daring move the druid decides not to stick around and simply darts forward, the fighter desperatly holding on the whole time, and swallows the monk whole, snapping the fishing line. He then high-tails it back to the beach. The sahaugin have sharks of their own and are in hot pursuit. The druid decides not to slow down at all and when he gets to the beach says he is literally going to thrown himself on it. The DM called for a Jump check and the result is truly massive.

So imagine if you will you're stading on a moonlit beach and all of a sudden this 20 foot long shark leaps out of the water and arcs overhead in a horrible rendition of "Free Willy". At the top of his jump he literally vomits up the monk, who lands in a wet, slimy, smelly pile in the center of camp. The druid however, with fighter still attached, continues his graceful leap suddenly realizing that he's headed straight for the pit. With no time to do anything he shuts his eyes, waiting for the impact. As they hurtle towards the ground the fighter tumbles forward so she's under/ahead of the shark, which is OK since the shark is too big to fit and gets lodged at the top of the pit.

So the fighter is sitting at the bottom of a short pit, in the dark, with water and shark vomit dripping on her from the druid above. And then what happens, why the monsters appear of course; two floating skulls wreathed in green flames and two shambling zombie like things. Of course the druid just wild shaped into something more appropriate for battle next round but for that one moment the sceen was hilarious.

Meanwhile the cleric and I wake up because of the commotion to find the dazed and reeking monk next to us and a large band of angry sahaugin marching out of the sea.

Suffice to say the monk gave up fishing at that point.

Ranis
2007-03-14, 09:34 AM
In an epic-level campaign of the RPGA that I was watching, a party had been given a charge to retrieve a crystal that contained the soul of Heironeous. It was a diamond with swimming charges in it about the size of a basketball, so it was pretty heavy. They gave it to the Half-Orc.

They were taking it out of the dungeon when they tripped a trap they hadn't sprung on the way in, causing the Half-Orc to drop the gem that contained the soul of a god. The bard in the party then asked the absolute funniest thing I have ever heard.

"Does Reality get a saving throw?"

ssjKammak
2007-03-14, 10:47 AM
Gday,

In a particualrly boring campaign i played in a while back, the party was placed in a room steadily filling with water and the only way to escape as told to us by an npc looking down on us was to make him laugh, so after 3 players had told a series of very bad jokes (OMG players can be so uninspiring when put on the spot to make a quick descision) and been left to drown, the next player simply stated how do you stop a dwarf from drowning ... dm was silent (i htink he was cuaght off guard being asked a question) in the end the NPC responded i dont knwo to which the player stated take your foot off his head.

in the end he was the only player who managed to get a laugh and was then left with the task of rescueing the rest of the party.

Cheers
A friendly aussie

MaxKaladin
2007-03-14, 11:08 AM
In one of my college games, I had a priest of Tempus who was the grim, hardbitten, tough-as-nails warrior type. This game took place in the Forgotten Realms -- specifically in Waterdeep and the North. Two amusing stories come to mind.

1. He was walking through the streets of Waterdeep with one of the party wizards when he felt a tug at his belt and noticed a street urchin dashing off with his belt pouch. He and the wizard took off in hot pursuit. The kid tries to lose them in the alleys, but ends up at a dead end where new construction has just blocked off the escape route he was using. Finding himself cornered, he tries a desperate tactic. He pulls a stick out of his tunic and points it at the pursuers as if it were a wand. "Stop! Stop or I'll fry ya both!", he cries.

This caught the players by surprise and they actually did stop and stare at the kid for a moment. I guess they figured it was just barely possible the kid pickpocketed a wand of some kind and figured out how to use it -- this is the high-magic Forgotten Realms, after all.

They only paused a second though. The priest of Tempus then pointed his finger at the kid and bellowed "Drop that wand and surrender or I'll use your guts for garters!"

The wizard (and the player, who had absolutely PERFECT delivery) turns to the priest with a somewhat surprised and puzzled look on his face and asked "You wear garters?"

I suspect this is one of those stories where you really had to be there but I can't help but laugh every time I think of it.

2. The party was besieged by a force of Zhentarim. They knew the Zhents were coming and had prepared various booby traps, including magical ones, around the castle they were in to create a minefield of sorts. Once the Zhents arrived, their leader raised a flag of parley and asked if he could have a safe conduct to approach the castle to talk. The priest of Tempus granted permission but made a big production out of warning the leader not to try anything treacherous because Zhents are like that, you know. When the leader made his own warning about treachery, the priest started in on how honorable he is and how he would, of course, observe the rules of war. Satisfied, the leader approached. Unfortunately, the priest forgot all about the various boobytraps they'd set and the leader walked right into one, injuring himself. He fled back to his lines while cursing the treacherous, lying priest of Tempus. The Zhents got a lot of good propaganda mileage out of that incident.

The Prince of Cats
2007-03-14, 11:32 AM
I started a game in a small farming village. The party were just farmers and farm-hands, one was a tailor and the mage was a cook (explains all those herbs she is always picking).

One of them was a fighter with an int of about 4. I will never forget the first time she was left on watch. I told her she saw a couple of dark figures in the night, so she waved to them with a big smile and offered them some food.
The party awoke to find that she was sitting with a pair of very well-armed elves while discussing all their plans and secrets. Also, their weapons were gone. Luckily, these elves were allies and just being cautious by taking the weapons.

Later, the same character was trapped in a situation where all seemed lost. So, she started praying. To whom, I asked. Otatop...
You see... She had a pet potato, named Otatop. Given her high strength rating and tendency to roll high, Otatop was also a deadly thrown weapon. I am not sure why, but we always played with the house-rule that you could pray for divine intervention and get a 2% chance of at least being heard. Since she was praying to a potato, I warned her that it was just as likely that a malevolent deity would hear, but she would not be dissuaded.

This is how a humble potato became a deity... Not only that, but she even convinced me to let her take ranks in Paladin... ..of Otatop... This would come back to haunt me. The party pooled their money to buy and reconsecrate a captured church of some dark god. The cult of Otatop was now the church of Otatop. They used the favour owed by the king for ending a rebellion to have the church recognised formally.

=====

The other great moment was when I was a player. The group had been split and (purely by accident) I was stuck with the characters played by my brother and my sister. The other group had got through a border checkpoint by pretending to be merchants, but that left us trying to get past. I was a human mage without my spell-book, armed only with a longsword I couldn't even use. My brother was a fighter pretending to be a monk (not the class, the robed holy kind) and so unarmed just to hide his face under a hood. My sister was playing a bard with 18 cha.

We said we were merchants who had been robbed and bluffed for all we were worth. Almost enough, but they wanted a bribe.

We had no gold, no equipment. Everything we had was on the other side of the checkpoint so as not to arouse suspicion. (we had no money as a party, just weapons) What could we pay with?

"How about her?" we asked, offerring our sister's character to the guards while she was in the toilet. They liked that idea.

That would not be so bad, but she was eating when we told her what had happened. She choked and uttered the line which she would not live down for a while...

"I think I need a drink."


For a while, we were not allowed to make plans involving her without permission...

Nahal
2007-03-14, 11:55 AM
Improvised weapons are FUN

My first campaign, obscenely high magic (think FR on crack; one of the first party NPC's was a sentient construct that was not only immune to magic, but rebounded and amplified any spell cast at it at everyone in a large radius. I accidentally took out a whole militia with a single magic missile spell later when the thing got possessed and turned hostile.)

We had acquired the power to cast a version of reduce person on steroids, shrinking ourselves down to a couple inches tall or back again at will. This is important, because our foes (who did not know this) were mini-size and using beagles to track us. Eventually they caught up, because we were mini-size to avoid other foes (specifically the zombies that tended to arise spontaneously every night). However realizing we were outgunned here, the barbarian goes back to normal size while the rest of us deal with their riders. He grabs a beagle and snaps its neck. He then uses it like an improvised flail... and beats the other beagles to death with it. Problem solved, but the mental image had us in a mixture of stitches and horror.

silentknight
2007-03-14, 01:14 PM
I've mentioned this one before, in a different thread...

Party is fighting a flying undead, a nightwing. Its SR is protecting it from most of the spells and the party is impatient to kill the beastie.

Player A is a monk.
Player B is a halfling rogue with Wings of Flying.
Player C is a gnome wizard.

Player A uses his Abundant Step to Dim Door 900+ ft above the nightwing and uses himself as human missile to pound the undead severely.

Players B & C think this is a great idea, so Player B picks up Player C and they fly up above the nightwing. They then fly straight down, attempting to copy Player A. They both miss. Player B flies gently to the ground. Player C smacks into the ground at terminal velocity.

It was several minutes before we had the composure to continue play.

Brauron
2007-03-14, 01:20 PM
Yay improvised weapons...

In a recent adventure we finished, we had to think or way through a dungeon based on the concept of a Funhouse (also, the movie "Cube"). We had to do this to get to an evil gnome illusionist who had kidnapped a little girl. We get there, and he immediately releases the little girl into the custody of two NPCs who had come with us; a local Monk and a Warrior who was the older brother of the little girl. They leave, and a wall of flames springs up behind us, as the gnome looks at us and says, "I'll get much more on the slave market from you four..." and animates a bunch of toys (he'd been playing games with the little girl) to attack us. In addition to the toys, he summoned a Fiendish Boar to deal with my barbarian, the biggest, strongest, and most-threatening in appearance.

I picked up the boar by the tusks, swung it around, and hurled it at the illusionist, hitting him, dealing 15 pts of damage.

The DM looked at me, awestruck, and said, "I didn't think you'd be able to actually pull that off!"

Nahal
2007-03-14, 01:27 PM
Hey, our barb almost hit a BBEG with one of them beagles; he was the enemy leader and stading up on a tree branch. GM ruled he'd hit on a nat 20 (we have a few situations like that which paid off), sadly he rolled a 19 on the last one.

PnP Fan
2007-03-14, 01:45 PM
I was a Storyteller for a Vampire game once when one of my friends decided to play a Malkavian. But rather than playing some sort of truly deranged and violent nut, his Malkavian has a very high humanity, so he opts for just weird. His character had been a writer when he was embraced, so he developed two personalities. The first was known as "The Hero" or "Our Hero", and he was the hero of a novel. The second persona was "The Narrator", who narrated the novel that "The Hero" was in. Of course the Hero was unnaware of this, nor was he aware of all the smart remarks the Narrator was making about him and the other Characters he was dealing with.
The player even went so far as to max out his Auspex, so he could see into the future, and put points into Celerity so that he could speak/act faster than everyone in the party, and narrate their actions as well. Hilarity ensued, to the point it was distracting from the game and he had to retire the character.
He still shows up from time to time in my games, whenever I need a truly maddening character.

The Prince of Cats
2007-03-14, 01:57 PM
Yay improvised weapons...
As improvised weapons go, you would be hard pressed to beat a deity. I suppose that potato was pobably an avatar, rather than the real thing, but there is something crazy about the whole affair...

ExHunterEmerald
2007-03-14, 02:13 PM
Our war-cleric had SUCH a sending off a few games back.
We're all being held in a maze while the thugs that caught us bet on our demise over us. Each time someone is brought in, they're bound, unarmed, and irritated. (Mostly because the other PCs kick them in the stomach for no reason. Ahem.)
Anyways, we've gotten some gear back and we hear a halfling trying to teach a troll to read through a door. "GROGG WANT PLAY!"
We burst in (actually, the Goliath barbarian annihilates the door and we charge through.) and begin fighting--I'm a kineticist, so I'm launching fire missiles at the two of them. The cleric douses his weapon in oil and it does fire for a round, and so on.
In the room are some bundles of our captured gear and another captive, our new PC to replace One-Eyed Stump, our old barbarian who got liquified in a pool of acid. So the gnome sorcerer goes to free him (Erik the Awesome, a paladin) while we're making with the toasty.
I hit them with an energy missile(fire) and they both make saves--the troll makes it...and the halfling nat. 1s. The DM rules that he failed so hard he took double damage and lit on fire.
Meanwhile the troll has hit and rends the goliath. His arm is nearly torn off--and on his turn, he nat. 1s his attack. The DM usually rules you hit yourself on a one--only this time, because he was hit with the rend, he flails and his arm flies off.
Meanwhile the cleric inadverdantly nat-1'd and set himself aflame oiling his blade, so both he and his sword are on fire. He's not gonna survive. So he makes a grapple check and strength check, and he throws the halfling into the troll.
The halfling is nearly dead at this point, and so he shatters on impact. The troll is PISSED.
Meanwhile the paladin is untied and needs a weapon. What does he do?
He doesn't go for his equipment.
He doesn't go for the barbarian's axe.
He picks up the goliath's arm and SETS IT ON FIRE.
Now the troll, stabbed, chopped, burnning, and being bludgeoned with an arm, attacks and rends the cleric, and tears him apart.
A few rounds later he tries to escape by smashing through a wall and running (and crying), but he's brought down the round before he would have escaped.
And now the paladin uses the severed limb to smash a bookcase.

And that's the story of the molotov halfling.

Assassinfox
2007-03-14, 02:16 PM
I think your party likes fire a wee bit too much. :smalleek:

ExHunterEmerald
2007-03-14, 02:18 PM
I think your party likes fire a wee bit too much. :smalleek:
Well, it WAS a troll.
And the DM's told me we've managed to burn the building down. (The equipment area we'd just returned to was connected to the maze but separate)

LotharBot
2007-03-14, 02:38 PM
I think your story demonstrates very clearly why I don't play with fumble rules.

NullAshton
2007-03-14, 02:58 PM
Matrix RPG I tried GMing...

One PC named their character Ray Den.

Lapak
2007-03-14, 03:33 PM
I think your story demonstrates very clearly why I don't play with fumble rules.See, all I need to do to convince new players they don't want to play with critical fumbles is to show them this. (http://www.hoodyhoo.com/kodt05.htm)

(Only one of several amusing painful lessons that can be found at http://www.hoodyhoo.com/kodt.htm)

pestilenceawaits
2007-03-14, 03:36 PM
I had a halfling thief named Cardigan who wasn't paying attention to what was going on when another PC yelled at him hey "sweater boy" the name stuck after several minutes of laughing. I also named future characters related to him Paisley, Argyle and Kashmir.

NotCC
2007-03-14, 03:39 PM
I was playing a Cleric/Wizard/Mysticthurge in a game that had been going on for about 9 months. We were just beginning our assault of the BBEG's volcano fortress and I was about 18th level so I had a REDICOULOUS ammount of spells prepared.

Surrounding the fortress is this massive smooth stone wall with bone devils and catapults at the top and they are just waiting for us to get into range so I use imp invisibility and get close enough to lob some spells.

Seeing this the BBEG unleashes his Adult Red dragon to fly over the wall and kill us before we can do more damage. Seeing me as the biggest threat the Dragon casts Banefull Pollymorph on me and of course I fail the first save and get turned into a squrell, but I make the 2nd save and keep my mental stats.

Now most players would be done but not me! My DM had used this trick on me a few times in the past during that campaign and I was sick of being tossed out of the fight so for spite I took the feat Natural spell.

I cast flight and then I let the dragon have it. =)

You should have seen my DM's face when the flying squirell cast rainbow pattern on the dragon and it nat 1'ed its will save. I pulled the dragon out to a distance and we continued to take out the BBEG.

We still laugh about that today and anytime someone plays a caster, rainbow pattern is in their spell list.

silentknight
2007-03-14, 06:38 PM
Now most players would be done but not me! My DM had used this trick on me a few times in the past during that campaign and I was sick of being tossed out of the fight so for spite I took the feat Natural spell.

You get an A+, in which A is for awesome! I will be smiling for a while thinking about a squirrel kicking the trash of a red dragon! Wicked sweet.

Ranis
2007-03-14, 07:33 PM
Hunter.....can't.....stop....breathing.....too.... funny....

Flawless
2007-03-14, 08:13 PM
"Burninating the catapults! Burninating the barracks! Burninating the drunken minotaurs!"

TROGDOR! TROGDOR!

Maerok
2007-03-14, 08:25 PM
I don't mean to plug my own thread, but a lot of good things pop up at the PC Stupidity Thread. Of course, those only pertain to the moments that are funny because they're idiotic.

Aside from this, I know I mentioned my Paladin's undead-themed one liners somewhere, and this was a good conversation;

Namesake the Necropaladin: That was quite the battle. I need you to heal me.

Dread Necromancer: Come again? I don't heal, I'm a necromancer.

NN: Only dark energy can help me stand once I'm down.

DN: Are you coming on to me? I mean, you're a priest. That's kinda wrong.

NN: I beg your pardon? I simply need you to touch me-

DN: Okay, No.

NN *draws club*: Do not think that I will not resort to punishing your frail form until you agree to touch me!

DN: Ew! Dude, that is not...normal! What is wrong with you? That isn't HEALING!

NN: It most certainly is, Necromancer. Now lend me your hand!

DN: God no!

NN: God no? I am a servant of those gods! I will be useless in battle until I have only a fraction of your power in my hands!!

DN: Wait, you want your hands on ME now?


It went on like this.

Ahh, the origins of the Lichloved feat. :smallbiggrin:

lumberofdabeast
2007-03-14, 08:34 PM
I hate you both so very much.

Yet another fanfic to write... I'm still not done with the Belkar/V story...

Leon
2007-03-15, 06:28 AM
Improvised weapons are FUN

Like using a Torch to deal 36 wounds to a River Troll (WHFRP)

My Woodsman who been out scouting when he heard the yells from the pond that everyone else was paddling in and came rushing back to find 2 river trolls and the party members naked wet & freeked out fleeling or flailing inefectually at them.he stopped, found his torch and flint stone, lit it atacked and missed, then Crit the troll for 36

Luircin
2007-03-15, 11:39 AM
TROGDOR! TROGDOR!

Oh, I almost forgot. They came across the Moaning Diamond later in that same campaign and decided to name their new earth elemental companion Trogdor.

The horror.... the horror...

DaFlipp
2007-03-16, 01:28 PM
I must share the Fop with you.

The Fop was a rogue who had chosen that class solely for the skill points. He specialized in socials, but the player's naturally abrasive personality (and his Neutral Evil alignment) usually destroyed any benefit the social skills would've otherwise granted him, rendering his insane Diplomacy and Bluff rather pointless.

Classic Moments of Foppery:

DM: "You enter the room. It's somewhat dark, as it's only lit by the torchlight from outside, but off to the side, you see something shimmering - -"
Fop: "I dive at it!"
DM: "...Okay, you dive at the -gelatinous cube- I was about to describe."

In another instance, a fellow party member, an elven ranger, was imprisoned for attacking a child (he'd fired on a kid that tried to scam him, much to the city guard's disapproval). The Fop's plan to get him out of jail was for him to feign sickness to get out of the cell, then... ummm, I dunno, play it by ear from there. He decided the way to do this was to have the elf eat dirt. There wasn't really much dirt in his cell, though, so the Fop had to sneak the dirt in. A guard noticed this, and asked why - the Fop, rolling well on bluff, convinced the guard that elves need to eat dirt in order to live. While this succeeded getting the guard to leave them alone (and becoming a running gag in our campaign, where rumors spread that elves eat dirt and Dirt Golems are a regular messenger of the Wizard's Guild), the actual plan failed, as when he started vomiting, they just put him in solitary.

I missed the session where this happened, but apparently he tried to bilk the Wizard's Guild (a very powerful, -very- bureacratic entity in our setting) out of something, and did very well until he wound up in front of the archmage who magically got past all the bluffs and found out the Fop was trying to pull a fast one. In order to screw with him, he gave him a gem imbued with an enchantment - anyone the Fop handed the gem to would immediately be compelled to give it back to him. The DM, rather than saying this aloud, would write "You are compelled to give it back to him" on a piece of paper and pass it to any player who was handed the gem, as the player of the Fop grew increasingly befuddled as to what the hell is going on.

Probably will have more stories later... especially from around the time our whole party's alignment axis tilted resolutely towards Evil and the Fop ended up tilting towards Good.

Tobrian
2007-03-16, 03:45 PM
Namesake the Necropaladin: That was quite the battle. I need you to heal me.

Dread Necromancer: Come again? I don't heal, I'm a necromancer.

NN: Only dark energy can help me stand once I'm down.

DN: Are you coming on to me? I mean, you're a priest. That's kinda wrong.


:smallbiggrin: Paladin: Help, I've fallen and can't get up! :smallbiggrin:


Now most players would be done but not me! My DM had used this trick on me a few times in the past during that campaign and I was sick of being tossed out of the fight so for spite I took the feat Natural spell.

*blink blink* Flying... squirrel wizard? :smalleek:
Dude, you should really invest in a Ring of Spellturning. My wizard did after the second time the GM's monsters had hit him with a Feeblemind spell.

On the other hand, a flying spellcasting squirrel is hilarious. :smallbiggrin: Can I take it as familiar?

Folie
2007-03-16, 04:44 PM
The funniest PC in our campaign has got to be the Hadozee fighter/rogue, who is known as "the flying whip-monkey." Because he comes from our campaign world's "Asian" continent, he speaks with a bad Indian accent. A messianic cult centered around him is growing in the world's "European" continent, so I'm hoping he'll ascend to godhood pretty soon.:smallbiggrin:

Daneel the Sane
2007-03-17, 09:37 PM
I happen to game with a bunch of unbelievably funny and clever people... The jokes tended to fly all over the place, and some crazy ideas came about... Note that many of these happened in 2nd Ed.

For instance, in a town on one of the gears of the plane of Mechanus:

DM(Me): The modron you are seeking seems to be a complex polyhedral-lifeform of perfect proportions with a number of extending lenses that manipulate over his eyes. The numeric code on his body indicates that he is a high-ranking military unit, probably akin to a general of the local armed forces of Law...

Player1: Wait... are you saying that he is the very model of a modron major general?

DM: ...


For another instance, entering a small city where the outlying territories have been plagued with black dragons:

Player1(Level 17 half-dragon sorceror): Can I do research to create a new form of golem to fight the black dragons?

DM(me): Well, creating a NEW form of golem would take months of research, and a metric butt-ton of gold pieces, but we may be able to discuss it. What did you have in mind?

Player1: A Baking Soda Golem.

DM: (sigh) Okay, anyone have an idea that will NOT cover the entire countryside with fizz when fighting black dragons?

Player2(Level 19 Priest of my setting's Goddess of Death): Can I create pop rocks and soda with my Create Food And Drink spell?

DM: NO!!!


Of course, there is also the rogue character who insisted on calling her Sneak Attacks "spine-ectomies".

ExHunterEmerald
2007-03-17, 10:05 PM
Of course, there is also the rogue character who insisted on calling her Sneak Attacks "spine-ectomies".

Really? I called 'em "kidneyBLANKs."

Daneel the Sane
2007-03-17, 10:51 PM
Really? I called 'em "kidneyBLANKs."

Yeah, this was the same player who would start singing the "Yeah Toast!" song from Bob and Tom every time the wizard fried something. She was fun. Actually one of the best players I ever knew. Very clever, had great ideas. Big help in developing my custom campaign setting.

Phoenix Talion
2007-03-18, 12:33 AM
One of my first 3.5 characters was a sun elven wizard/wildmage named Kenna. Copper elf/sun elf hybrid actually, but she used sun elven stats. Belonged to a rather prominent elven noble family. She was... the crazy relative you lock in the attic or send very far away and hope to the gods no one will ever find out about for the sake of your family's reputation.

Homebrew setting (though heavily based on FR), only one I've ever played in with predominantly Lawful elves. Short sum of her backstory: Her cousin, who was set up for an arranged marriage as a part of an important alliance, dies. As the next oldest single woman in the family, she now has to get married. Her solution? Run away, and marry some other elven male (the elven church didn't recognize extraracial marriages), and they couldn't stick her in an arranged one, right?

Flash forward a ways into the campaign. Me and the drow sorcerer/shadow mage have left the party, and are freezing to death from our lack of survival skills. Not very far from my home, I am informed upon a successful Know: Local check. Which causes me to freak, afraid I'll be caught and locked back in my tower, or married off and locked in someone elses tower. I frantically explain this to the drow, who is pretty much used to fits of lunacy from me.

So we decide that the obvious solution is for us to be engaged. Drow are elves, after all. So we head to my family home, the drow makes a series of very impressive Cha rolls to avoid getting shot. The end result is a very awkward dinner- besides the obvious tension with my folks, the man I had originally been supposed to marry was also there for dinner, since he's now bethrothed to my sister. Awkward.

The Kenna/S'siras team (AKA Team CN Mage) was all kinds of fun, not in the least because of the DM's perversity (later I'll tell the story of the magic cursed wedding rings, and how we had to explain all this to the rest of party after we finally met up with them again)

I've got loads. In another game, we came up with a plan that relied the paladin's ability to infiltrate the thieve's guild and our ability to convincingly taxidermy a dragon.

Viscount Einstrauss
2007-03-18, 12:55 AM
In a WoD game, I played as a man that believes that he's actually an alien space pirate captain, dressed in a long pirate coat and captain's hat. See, the alien pirates came to Earth to hide their captain from a sudden galactic police checkpoint, and decided to swap his brain with a human. Naturally, none of that was actually true and he was actually insane. So, as Captain Blacktentacle, I sailed the concrete seas with me trusty parrot (a toaster that I'm convinced is an alien robot parrot) and mateys (the other players, who were comparitively normal).

I considered any plans the other players came up with to be acts of mutiny and made a habit of pushing them from our moving car whenever this occured, since I didn't have a plank to make them walk first. My plans, meanwhile, invariably included getting drunk, finding some wenches, and boarding ships to loot some booty. Since there were no ships, we instead ran into random buildings wherein I used my pistols to shoot anyone/everyone that I didn't think might have a map to lead us to buried treasure. No one ever did have a map leading to buried treasure, of course, so I always ended up shooting them too.

This was a one-shot, so near the end one of the other players decided to have their vengeance on me by crashing the car when he was driving while I was making my "pirate sailing stance" in the front seat, then attempting to strangle me. I did die, but first I put a bullet in his head that left him dead from the neck down. Captain Blacktentacle may not have lived to see the end of the day, but no one ever did find the buried treasure. And my killer's life sucked after that anyway.

Hzurr
2007-03-18, 10:34 AM
Player1: Wait... are you saying that he is the very model of a modron major general?



Can I come play with your group? That's one of the funnier things I've read in a very long time.

Nahal
2007-03-18, 10:45 AM
One of the funniest things one of my characters did was an intern on a desk, wearing a chef's hat and an apron that said "kiss the cook" while holding a spatula and a cucumber. I mention this because this was how the GM decided to introduce the character to the party. They walked in on me.

ThunderEagle
2007-03-18, 11:11 AM
One of the funniest things in my party was when we were playing the sunless citadel and we caught a white dragon. It was small enough to fit in my backpack and so we put it in there and forgot about it. When we finally got it out again, me and the DM had a conversation that went something like this:

DM: shouldn't the dragon have woken up?
Me: no, I was beating it.
DM: when?
Me: in my spare time.

another one, same module, was at the beginning when we had a wizard and he kept on getting played by different people. everyone played him differently and so we decided he was schizophrenic. in the end, he ran off and fell down a pit trap, got chased by a dragon, and finally we found him with a dead horse (how he got the horse is another great story) and we helped him recover.

yet another story, same module, is the wizard and his horse. after going to great lengths in town to buy a horse when he didn't have enough money, in the first combat we encountered he tried to get on his horse and went right over it.

same group, different module, we have just finished a fight with some dwarfs, and we are interrogating him. the DM does not like us doing this, so when a dragon is scripted to fly over head, it instead grabs the dwarf. many remarks about dragons have been made since.

in our current campaign, nothing so funny has happened yet, but there have been such occurrences as our warforged psychic warrior repeatedly failing perform (parkour) checks (he had Up The Walls) and our artificer's furtive filcher taking the crowds money, then the rogue trying to pick their pockets, getting caught, and taking the blame... it is a fun group.

Odd-Eye
2007-03-18, 07:37 PM
Allright, so my pcs have cleared out a cult of Ogremoch and decide afterwards to sleep in the newly cleansed den of evil. A very powerful half-orc druid/master fo flies servant of ogremoch shows up to check on the cult, they've encountered him before but with allies and know he's very powerful, so they decide to hide in the cleared out barracks and jam the door. The master of flies sees the place is askew and promptly summons enormous swarms to search the place, the pcs start squishing the insects that get under the door and so the orc with his empathy for the swarms finds his way to them and asks through the door: "Who is there and why have you defiled this, sanctum of Ogremoch?"
To which the dwarven wizard replies "Wooooo, it's me Ogremoch, go away!"
AND HE CRITICALLY BLUFFED while THE DRUID CRITICALLY FAILED SENSE MOTIVE, so the druid, convinced he had heard the voice of his mighty extrapalanar master left while the other pc's doubled over laughing and I shook my head in disbelief.

Also, with a different party but same PCs we were running the bastion of broken souls adventure and the pc sorcerer who is the descendant of Dydd was captured by the cathezar, the PCs had freed him and were getting out of her house, they opened the door to the entrance chamber without magical shielding they could teleport out from and I described the cathezar and her summoned balor standing there menacingly, so the halfling rogue says "Allright, I close the door".

ExHunterEmerald
2007-03-18, 07:42 PM
Okay, in our game, if you botch a skill check, you don't know you did--you think you did fine.
So we're hiding from these formians...and I roll a 2. Our fighter rolls a one.
I dive to the FRONT of a hill, instead of behind it, and he dives in front of me. Later we attack, and so he springs from cover and attacks.
And since, in character, we thought that we were well hidden, my psion berates him for revealing their totally awesome hiding place.

The whole table was laughing.

Daneel the Sane
2007-03-19, 01:29 PM
Can I come play with your group? That's one of the funnier things I've read in a very long time.

I dunno... Houston is a heck of a commute to Indianapolis...

Hzurr
2007-03-19, 04:37 PM
I dunno... Houston is a heck of a commute to Indianapolis...


Maybe for you silly mortals!

...

Um...

yeah. *sigh*

KoDT69
2007-03-19, 06:50 PM
Cullyun Pooh - The chaotic evil/stupid illiterate Brownie barbarian berserker that wiped his umm, *ball sweat*, on everything he wanted to claim as his own, including other people! :smallyuk:

Weedle (don't get me started on the name, the player was a 17 year old guy with a deep love for freakin Pokemon :smallyuk: ) - The half brownie / half kender paladin. His holy mission (and granted power) was to fornicate with one of everything, and reproduce. His children are currently on a demi-plane easily accessible to the public in what was deemed "Weedle's Love Zoo" where you can pay a mere 5CP to walk through the exibit and pet his spawns. :smallbiggrin:

Vodun
2007-03-19, 07:04 PM
A freind of mine plays what is essentially a schizophrenic Gnoll Barbarian. Very polite and intelligent and courteous when not in combat, about an IQ of 3 when in combat. Think berserker from 8-bit theater? exactly it. Except the guy has never ever read the comic, and has no knowledge of it whatsover. Im the DM for that campaign, and Im thinking because hes the party negotiator (yes, gnoll barbarian for the diplomat), I can have an NPC who noticed this cast rage on him while hes in the middle of negotiating a losing battle. I would find it very amusing.

Soveliss
2007-03-19, 07:52 PM
one of my PC teamates wanted to date a halfling what he didn't know was she was married... to a stone giant and it wasn't pretty

Midnight Lurker
2007-03-19, 09:28 PM
Back in the late 80's/early '90s, I was in a Champions 4th Edition campaign that lasted for eight years. Naturally, by the end of that run, our superhero characters were getting rather alarmingly overpowered.

Sometime around year 6 or 7, the campaign's Doctor Doom knockoff used reality-warping technology to instantly terraform Mars, and then claimed it as his own in violation of international law. Naturally, we were sent in to deal with him.

Somewhere about halfway through our strategy discussion, the GM had to call a halt so he could process the latest item on the agenda.

GM: "You want to knock Phobos out of orbit and crash it into Mars."

Us: "Yeah, we're considering it."

GM: "As a DISTRACTION?!"

Us: "It'd work, wouldn't it?"

In the end, we didn't do it. But we could have. :smallwink:

Kender
2007-03-20, 09:37 AM
We always had the most humorous things happen when we played the game late at night. Fatigue always seemed to bring out some of the best bits in our group's history.

DM: Through the dim shadowy light, you can make out large humanoid forms in the distance as the ground shakes.

Player 1: Are they giants?

DM: They Might Be.

----

DM: After defeating the giants you find two large sacks - one seeming to be full of small boulders, the other full of what appears to be salt.

Player 1: Is it magical?

Player 2: Yes! It's magical salt! It makes everything it touches taste SALTY!

----

Player 1: (sneak attack/critical strikes an attack in which he was targetting a guard's .. *ahem* privates)

Player 2: (outside) Hear that? That was a testicle popping. It was as if a million sperm cried out... and were suddenly silenced.

----

Monk: Would you classify a dwarf falling from orbit to be an exceptional ranged weapon, like a giant's hurled boulder attack?

DM: Yes.

Monk: I guess I won't try and deflect him, then.