View Full Version : Goofy flavor item

2007-03-11, 11:51 PM
Our DM has allowed each of us a minor 'ancestral relic' which has come into our possession through one way or another - so long as it's completely ridiculous. The two at present are the dwarven barbarian's perpetually full mug, and the mousefolk rogue's stupid hat. The mug has an endless supply of human-strength ale and is a constant source of disappointment. If you take the hat off an punch it, two pigeons pop out, screaming obscenities. (I really don't know where he was going with that one...)

At present, my item is a glove that spouts a stream of confetti and plays 'The Final Countdown' on command. (Reference to an old campaign... you know you want one too.) As wonderful as that is, I'm trying to think up a fun item of some use - for when we're trying to talk drunken magistrates down from jumping, or winning a chicken-fight duel with the town champion, or something equally silly yet situationally potent. :smallbiggrin:

My char is an NG elf Cleric of Pelor (or something close enough), possibly going paladin a bit. He is reluctantly accompanying this party who insists on getting into trouble (more being-stupid than mischief-making, but it's all the same when kobolds are shooting the other guy, right?). Something off-character - like the glove - might be fun, but I could also see something that shouts TOLD YOU SO! uncontrollably after a dumb move. Ideas?

2007-03-11, 11:59 PM
Well, he's a cleric of Pelor, who is a God of the sun. Clearly, what you need is an item that makes your head shine like the sun on command.


2007-03-12, 01:55 AM
Well.. one item my Cleric/Radiant servant of Pelor had was a gray ioun stone that she painted a mottled yellow-red and had continual light cast on. So, on her will, she had a little sun floating about her head. Did absolutely nothing but cast light and look cool.

Course, she also had one weapon, and that was her holy symbol and spellbook. Rules-wise, it was an adamantine shield with spikes, but I had it all set up to have her prayers written on parchments in a little opening on the back, and Pelor's symbol amidst the spikes. Her name? Sega. Sega Genesis. <3 crazies

2007-03-12, 08:26 AM
I love these never ending mugs of beer... My question, was, is, and always shall be: What happens when you tip it over and leave it lying there on its side??

2007-03-12, 08:55 AM
Gah. Must... resist... Arrested Development reference. Sword of Destiny.....

2007-03-12, 09:02 AM
Once I came up with the Chalice of Transmutation. It's a bejewelled chalice. Pour any type of magical potion in it (or, I guess, even non-magical liquids), and it will be transformed into a different liquid which has a diferent colour and taste, but the exact same effect as before.

2007-03-12, 09:07 AM
Figurine of wondrous power: granite platypus. Because the platypus is just funny. Alternate animals include the lead marmoset, sandstone aardvark, or whatever seems funny to you. When used, the figurine turns into an ordinary-sized animal, which is unusually intelligent and can communicate with you telepathically and makes sarcastic comments about whatever mess the party's in now. At best, it's a cross between a familar, a bag of tricks, and an annoying cartoon animal sidekick.

2007-03-12, 09:15 AM
A character in a campaign I played in a couple years back had a gold tooth that would shine and shoot out magic missles whenever he smiled

2007-03-12, 09:19 AM
I once got a gray bag of tricks that produced a hamster. And -only- a hamster.

2007-03-12, 11:50 AM
The everful mug reminds me of the Anymug, from Goblinscomic.com. Basically, it's a mug that produces whatever liquid you think of. It can't be something of great value or power (no acids or mercury or healing potions etc) but you have an unending supply of fine ale or clean water.

The warrior who has this explained to him says, "So, if I were to think of, say, ogre piss...?"

He promptly poured the ogre piss in the mug on the party dwarf. I can see another joke coming in the future...I imagine the fighter drinking ale or water from the mug, and the dwarf coming up behind him and saying "Don't think of ogre piss."

2007-03-12, 11:54 AM
Alternate animals include the lead marmoset, sandstone aardvark, or whatever seems funny to you.

Ahem. Don't you mean, rock candy marmoset? They'll enslave the wooooorrrllld!

2007-03-12, 11:57 AM
My first magic-item-not-required-for-survival is a glove of Prestidigitation. Either use-activated or command word an ungodly number of times per day. I use it to wash up, do my hair, clean my gear, enamel/warpaint my stuff as the mood suits me, and generally make roughing it a lot less rough. Good for my standard mildly-flamboyant city-slicker rogue.

2007-03-12, 12:42 PM
Loincloth of Ungodly Stench!!

2007-03-12, 01:13 PM
Here's some ideas I had:


Bag of Mosquitos, Gnats, and Horse-flies
This little, brown sack, when opened, unleashes a swarm of annoying insects that attacks whoever was possessing the bag for greater than 24 hours, or the person who who just opened the bag if no one possessed the bag for greater than 24 hours. The insects do not cause any damage, but the person being attacked by the insects suffers a -1 to attack, AC, saving throws, and skill checks. If you attempt to cast a spell, Concentration check (DC 10) is required. The cloud dissapates after 6 hours. This can only be done 1/day.

The Banana Walkie-Talkies
There exists two, and only two, of these items in the world. One of which is possessed by a cranky, lonely half-orc. It appears to be an innocuous wooden banana with a coat of faded yellow paint. When an end (doesn't matter which one) is placed against your ear, you can hear a ringing followed by a *click* and a half-orc yelling at you for waking him up at this ungodly hour. If you drop the banana or "hang up," the call ends. If you stay and listen, the half-orc will yell at you, call out obscenities, and start going on about his daily problems and mishaps in his love life. Every so often (1% chance/week), the banana will ring while you are sleeping and the half-orc will want to talk to you about his problems.

Frames of Disguise
These appear to be a pair of thick, black glasses without the lenses. When wearing it, and brushing your hair slightly forward, people will pretend to not notice you as yourself, but as someone else.

Ring of Landmine Finding
While wearing this ring, you are made aware of the location of dog poo in a 60' radius.

This appears to be a tiny fairy, about the size of a dragonfly, in a bottle. It sheds light like a torch, and when released from the bottle, will follow you around. However, at the most inopportune moments, it will point to an obvious thing and shout "HEY! LISTEN!" Any attempt at move silent fails, and you receive a -4 to Hide and Sleight of Hand checks.

Spoon of Eating
With this spoon, you are able to collect all the soup from the bottom of your bowl. This does not effect bread-bowls, however.

Spoon of Bending
By chanting "Rubber spoon," this metal spoon bends at will.

Sweet Smelling Carnation
When worn or attached to your clothing, this carnation releases a powerful smell into the air. To you, the wearer, it smells like a rose on a dewy morning. To everyone else, it smells like crushed ants.

Ten Foot Pole of Not-Touching
You cannot touch anything with this pole that you'd normally not want to touch with a ten-foot pole. This is considered to be a supernatural ability. Any attempt to touch an object you'd normally not want to touch causes the pole to strike you for 1d6 damage, Reflex save for half.

The Two-sided One-Sided Coin
This coin, when demonstrated to someone, has two identical sides (as in, both sides heads, or both sides tails). However, when flipped, it will always land on the opposite side--so if the coin is heads, it'll always land on tails.

2007-03-12, 01:29 PM
This appears to be a tiny fairy, about the size of a dragonfly, in a bottle. It sheds light like a torch, and when released from the bottle, will follow you around. However, at the most innoportune moments, it will point to an obvious thing and shout "HEY LOOK!" Any attempt at move silent fails, and you receive a -4 to Hide and Sleight of Hand checks.

While the others are made of win, this is made of fail. Navi should say "HEY! LISTEN!"

2007-03-12, 03:45 PM
Flatulent Chili

This chili is actually a small necklace in the shape of a chili. When worn, the character will feel a slight, but constant adrenaline rush that courses through the wearer's body.

It gives the character a +1 circumstantial bonus to their initiative checks and to hit, but -2 to all WIS and INT skill checks. The serious side effect of this item is that the character becomes considerably more flatulent and suffers a -4 penalty to all CHA based skilled checks.

Biting down on this chili will send the character into a red-chili-pepper frenzy that is equivalent to being in a Barbarian's rage for 1d4 rounds, with all normal rules of raging applied. At the end of the rage duration, the character will let out one single display of flatulance that forces all creatures within a 10 foot radius to make a fort save DC 12 or be dazed for one round from the intensely unpleasant smell.

2007-03-12, 04:42 PM
The nagging statue.

This is a small anthropomorphic statue that follows you around, floating in mid-air.

Whenever anyone in the vicinity makes a serious failure on a skill check/attack roll, the statue turns into a a likeness of their mother and berates them for their lack of education and effort, causing a -2 morale penalty on their next roll.

2007-03-12, 04:47 PM
Well, to toot my own horn a bit...


Works nicely with the strength aspect of Pelor.

2007-03-12, 05:13 PM
I'm thinking a magnifying glass which can melt anything as a normal magnifying glass would if used by a kid to pop ants (you know what I am talking about) however it can do so on command however you never know which side it will come out (i.e. it may hit you so donít look at it with your eye :smallwink: )

2007-03-12, 05:23 PM
The mischievous mollusc of manly manipulation.

A small clam, that gives you the power to cause males in the area to suffer a sudden sharp increase in testosterone. It makes them easier to seduce, more likely to fight, and easier to distract with half-naked ladies.

Unfortunately, it does the same to any men on your side.

2007-03-12, 05:30 PM
A magic augury ball. You can ask it a question, and shake it, and then it will tell you something that you already know.

2007-03-12, 05:58 PM
The Everlasting espresso from the plane of caffeine.

It's a tiny cup with a little lid. It originally came with a matching saucer, but that was lost DECADES ago...

When you drink from the cup it causes an automatic DC20 fort save. If you fail the save it gives you 5 rounds of the speed bonus and added attack of Haste, but without the dodge and attack roll bonuses due to your caffeine shakes. After these five rounds, you suffer a come down and lose 1 wisdom and one charisma for 30 minutes unless you re-imbibe more espresso as a standard action.

If you use it too often, you start each day suffering from the effects of fatigue until you've had some of the espresso.

2007-03-12, 06:59 PM
Cigar of Herbal Mental Relaxation

Hey, that's not a cigar!!... and it's not mine....

Dairun Cates
2007-03-12, 07:06 PM
Well, may not be appropriate for you, but my favorite flavor magical item is the Cape of Prestidigitation. It's a cape that billows when there's no wind and produces awesome light effects around and behind you when making a heroic speech.

Lord Tataraus
2007-03-12, 07:44 PM
May I present to you: The Bag of Tribbles!!
Yes, I said tribbles, of course when I created it to give to the party's Kender rogue (as a reward for good rp) it was just a random bag of furry purring things with a neat ability. 10/day, when you put your hand in the bag, you grab a small, coin-sized ball of fur. When you extract it, the ball of fur grows until it is a 6" hemispherical thing of red-brown fur which immediately vibrates and purrs. If it is thrown (10ft range increment) or otherwise set down on a flat surface, the vibrating will cause the tribble to move 5' a round in a random direction and it may move into occupied squares or difficult terrain that costs no more than 2 movement. After existing for 1 round there is a 50% chance that it will explode, the next round that becomes a 55% chance, then 60% etc. Upon exploding, all creatures in a 5' radius are stunned for 1 round (Fort save DC 15 negates) while all those in a 30' radius are dazed for 1 round (same save). The resulting explosion is extremely loud. The listen check is a -30 to hear it and it causes vibrations in the air and ground up to 240'. As an additional quirk, any non-living matter placed in the bag comes out covered in red-brown fur for 2d6 rounds.

Needless to say, the Kender and the rest of the party loved it, but unfortunately did not have the insight to use it in battle, I hope some day it will be used in many worlds to the confusion of monsters everywhere.

2007-03-12, 07:57 PM
What about...

The matchbox of accentuating noises
You can keep your matches, tindersticks, or whatever the equivalent in your game world is, inside, but that's not the main function of this item. Whenever a situation worth mentioning happens around you, this box will play a short tune which matches the according situation - a victory fanfare (probably stolen from some videogame) after a won battle, "ba da bum psh" when you make a joke or a witty comment, a distressing tune when you find the body of a mysteriously murdered man, and so on. You cannot turn it off.

Hmm, this one would suit a bard more actually...

2007-03-12, 08:08 PM
Especially for chaste monks, a tool of the monastery:

The shoes of sterilisation.

Kicking someone in the crotch while wearing these shoes renders them infertile and unarousable for D10 days. It also hurts.

"That'll teach those youngsters to look at girls." - unknown Abbot

2007-03-12, 08:09 PM
I know this is the wrong thread and section but... tengu, I would like to take a moment to tell you that your avatar is awesome.

2007-03-12, 08:35 PM
random item of overexageration

this random item is inteligent, and likes to play. it trys to find anyone who it likes that discards it, but is easily distracted by other people it has fun with. whenever someone is in a dramatic moment, anything placing them at the center of attention, the random item activates. when a person raises their voice, it nudges them to yell even louder, when they swing thier arm in gesture, it pushes them to move faster, and put that arm out all the way, regardless of anyone who may be hit. if stored close to a small non-weapon item of non-magical masterwork quality the item may move its enchantment to the other item, thus being able to hide after a new owner gets rid of the only new item, the "only possible source" of the trouble. a concentration check DC15 keeps the overexagerations in check, but then you seem to be physicaly stiff, and verbally monotone.

come to think of it, im going to give this to one of my players.

2007-03-12, 11:57 PM
While the others are made of win, this is made of fail. Navi should say "HEY! LISTEN!"

Fixed. It's been too long since I last the played the game.

2007-03-13, 12:12 AM
Gah. Must... resist... Arrested Development reference. Sword of Destiny.....

"Say it with a flourish. The sword... of Desssssstiny!"
"...You just stabbed yourself in the thigh, didn't you?"

2007-03-13, 12:34 AM
The devil/angel rod: This six-inch long rod appears to be made half of ivory and half of mahogony wood. The ivory half appears to depict a small winged angel, whilst the other is a mischevious devil. When a character is having an issue of morals two small illusory creatures will appear on opposite shoulders that only the ownder of the rod will see, one is a devil, the other an angel. Each will attempt to convince you of it's moral path. This has no mechanical effect on the character, he may listen to whatever each tiny illusion will tell it, although what the illusory outsiders say usually comes from the good and evil sides of the owners own soul. The illusions commonly make themselves appear as angelic or devilish versions of the rods bearer.

Variant: The slaadi/Modron rod.

2007-03-13, 02:59 AM
I made this one for a half-orc chef in a game I was running.

Omnivore's Flavour Shaker
This small glass salt shaker contains apparently odourless and tasteless fine, white, crystals. Three times per day the owner of the shaker can sprinkle the crystals over a meal infusing it with mouth watering flavour and aroma. If not eaten within an hour the meal returns to its normal state.

Weak transmutation; CL 1st; Craft Wondrous Item, Prestidigitation; Price 600gp.

2007-03-13, 06:15 PM
Frames of Disguise
These appear to be a pair of thick, black glasses without the lenses. When wearing it, and brushing your hair slightly forward, people will pretend to not notice you as yourself, but as someone else.

Wait...PRETEND to not notice you as yourself? Do you get a check to notice that they actually know it's you?

2007-03-13, 07:30 PM
Amulet of Glorious Entry.

Everytime you enter a new area, all creatures in the area automatically spot you and hear a feint chorus of castrated boy sopranos going: aaaaaaaahhh!!!!. If your entrance is barred by a door, simply touching the door activates a knock spell and the doors slam open with a loud thud delaying the angelic chorus of castrati until after the thunderously unnecessary uproar. You cannot use this item's ability on a portal you cannot enter, like a chest.

2007-03-13, 10:25 PM
Give to anyone who during your sessions looks at their watch too much, checks their cell phone, or otherwise inquires about the time way too often.

Wristwatch of Indiglo [Cursed]:

a faded band of leather with a dull copper circle into it, that whenever the person checks the time out of character, causes it to faintly glow green slightly impeding hide/move silently checks or other more clandestine activities. the wearer is compelled to keep wearing it until he stops being an worrywort as*hat.

2007-03-13, 10:59 PM
Wait...PRETEND to not notice you as yourself? Do you get a check to notice that they actually know it's you?

Nope. For someone reason, everyone pretends, rather obviously, that you're a mild-mannered reporter for a newspaper.

2007-03-13, 11:29 PM
The three members of my party each got weird intelligent items. I would'nt totally define them flavor items, as they had uses.

I (Goblin mercenary) got an AWESOME ring that could cast darkness, light, and true seeing at will, as well as haste and a few other spells, and revive me...

The downside being that it could read my mind but not communicate telepathically, but it thought it COULD, so it would broadcast its opinions out loud, superspecifically, on what I planned to do, to all my enemies.

The Barbarian got a bastard sword...you know the cliche of the soul of a legend living on in a sword? Well it was TWO legends in one sword, one LE and one CG. Their dominance constantly switched so the powers of the sword changed every round, and they would bicker out loud until you shut them up by hitting the sword against a rock, silencing them but pissing them both off when they regained conciousness. Both personalities were deathly afraid of the dark for some inexplicable reason.

The druid got a magic horseshoe that increased speed and had healing spells...but it would only heal you if you gave it a 40-round-long "Ode to Horses" operetta, just to show how much you stood for its passion. This, of course, discounted its use in emergencies unless it took the enemy 4 minutes to maim you from the moment they heard you singing the mostly-improvised "O horses o horses tis no creature made better, not the dog nor the bird with its dullardly feather..." and so on. Of course, this did hold many enemies off out of bemusement. Also, this meant that you were pretty much doomed in the event of a fast-acting poison without any other cure but the horseshoe.

EDIT: The real flavor items that I made as a DM was a massive, legendary greatsword, which carried a drawback curse that would turn you into a buxom, naive, ditzy, pink-haired half-elf barmaid who giggles too much upon contact. Said barmaid does not have the requesite strength to weild the mighty blade, and is more interested in thinly-veiled flirting and looking confused and cutely naive every time the wizard speaks in multi-syllables than fighting evil. The curse only affected melee-combatants, and was irreversible until the minimum 3-day duration was outlasted. Paladins got a -15 to their resistance of the curse.

Another good one thought up by my brother and I was "Ye Olde Sworde What Kills Everything," a wicked-looking blade of 34 CR possessing a save-DC-50 agonizing death effect that would promptly animate and kill everything within 15 miles, including the weilder, once drawn. It would follow this up by chopping the bodies into little unrecognizable bits, and then resheathe itself atop a pile of corpses. This was basically what we used whenever we wanted to end a campaign and start a new one.

2007-03-13, 11:40 PM
I started a list of these for all those non-masterwork weapons created by apprentices. Hey, the mage creating those +5 swords of Uberness had to learn some how!
- Flimsy Dagger of Light: -1 damage, sheds light in a 5' radius.
- Heavy Great sword of Calming: -1 initiative, +1 Will save.
- Slow Greataxe of Woe: -1 Reflex saves, opponents struck take a -1 penalty to saves vs Fear.

And then there are the ones meant to be used against "irritants". (Modified from a list of practical jokes maintained for use against irritating party members. No, of course I'd never do that.)
- Bed warmer of Insect Attraction: does this really need explanation? :)
- Entropic Shoelaces: stitching holding the shoes together falls apart, the laces remain fine.
- Ever cold undies: Ahem.
- Dyed cup: Cup adds a dye the same color as any liquid put in it...subsequent urination is the same color.
- Peppered Polishing Cloth: When used to polish an object it shines it nicely...and leaves a residue of pepper oil which will contaminate the next person touching it. (Ever notice how often people touch their eyes?)

2007-03-14, 01:20 PM
Pub Darts.

These darts become more powerful and accurate as the user imbibes more alcohol. In a pub/tavern setting, they provide +4 charisma and +10 on Profession (darts player).

2007-03-14, 05:43 PM
The Irons of Irony
The chain between these two enchanted manacles has long since been rusted away by time. Any character wearing them has his or her lifting capability doubled, or tripled if he or she has been imprisoned within the last year.

2007-03-14, 10:15 PM
Must not let the dwarf barbarian with an evermug get those pub darts...

There are a lot of fun ideas here... I might take the Angel/Devil. The Amulet of Glorious Entry is another favorite, but I really shouldn't do that... :smallbiggrin: Any of the suggestions that involve bonuses to saves and useful skills (i.e., ones that aren't Profession: Darts Player) have actual power and are sorta beyond the scope of the item. If I get a +5 to Spot, it'd better be because I'm trying to read the secret microscopic runes I had scratched onto my boot heel and for nothing else.

2007-03-14, 10:50 PM
I can't believe no one has posted these yet...

The Goggles
They do nothing.

2007-03-15, 12:22 AM
Any of the suggestions that involve bonuses to saves and useful skills (i.e., ones that aren't Profession: Darts Player) have actual power and are sorta beyond the scope of the item..

I refute thee. An item can be funny and useful at the same time. They aren't mutually exclusive. At no point in the thread was it stated that the items had to be useless.

And if you think ranks in Profession: Darts Player are useless, I have a halfling I'd like you to meet.

Except he'd have killed you from across the room. Bullseye indeed.

2007-03-15, 12:30 AM
I can't believe no one has posted these yet...

The Goggles
They do nothing.

No one said it cause it's kind an understood.
Besides, they do nothing!