AMEN IV: Return of the Pogo

[Lord Magtok]

*A large pair of robotic tentacles descend from the ceiling. They grab Happiness by the face, and send every episode of the Tellytubbies into his mind.*

*The tentacles snap Happiness's neck when they finish, and point themselves at Perversion.*

Hey Perv. You wanna sing? :smallamused:

[Saurous]

*Happiness somehow begins screaming and babbling incoherently. Perversion cringes.*

Um...no thank you. :smalleek:

HAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!! HERBLESKLERCHLK!

[Lord Magtok]

Good.
Now crawl back into the twisted mind you came from, before I change my mind. You have twenty seconds. Starting...Now. :smallamused:

[Meynolds]

"You tell him Magtok."

[Goblin Music]

@ Magtok: Wha? OMG you are disgusting, have a pie. *Vanishes*

[Saurous]

Aww..but I like it out he-

*He vanishes abruptly, along with Happiness's corpse*


How is my mind twisted? I am not any more twisted than you are, Maggot Magtok.

[Meynolds]

"As a scientific given, I wish to state that all your minds are twisted, as is mine. Also, 0=[All Real Numbers]"

"Thus we do not exist, because if we set existence to 1, which is a real number, existence equals zero, which is nonexistence."

[PirateMonk]

"You are not my father, PM. Now stop treating me like you are. Unless you want me to use Smite Annoying again.

"Okay, I guess you don't want the wands. That's fine. I'll keep them." He draws a wand. "But the Geas stays."

He begins firing Prismatic Magic Missiles at Maur.

[Lord Magtok]

Aww..but I like it out he-

*He vanishes abruptly, along with Happiness's corpse*

How is my mind twisted? I am not any more twisted than you are, Maggot Magtok.

I am twisted in the way that is proper for overlords and other Lawful Evil types. I enjoy torture, and watching others cringe and scream. THAT is the good kind of twisted.

You, on the other hand, spat upon Psyke D's old policy of no co-worker intimate affairs, and enjoy your time with the deceased far too much. Your son also seems to share some of that perversion. I scanned the saucer he was in. Do you know where he shoved that wand? I'm still trying to get rid of the mental image.

[Saurous]

I am twisted in the way that is proper for overlords and other Lawful Evil types. I enjoy torture, and watching others cringe and scream. THAT is the good kind of twisted.

You, on the other hand, spat upon Psyke D's old policy of no co-worker intimate affairs, and enjoy your time with the deceased far too much. Your son also seems to share some of that perversion. I scanned the saucer he was in. Do you know where he shoved that wand? I'm still trying to get rid of the mental image.

Yes, but were you not the one who constantly berated and pushed that joke to it's limits? You are the one who constantly tries to prove that I am necrophilliac, which I am not. You are the one that came up with those problems, I simply followed suit. :smallamused: And, I simply use this sort of thing as mental torture. I'm probably as sadistic, if not more sadistic, as you are.

*A few demons appear in front of Maur, and take the brunt of the blasts*

" 'Gonna have to do better than that, PM."

[Meynolds]

"You are all sadistic I wish to point out."

[Lord Magtok]

And, I simply use this sort of thing as mental torture. I'm probably as sadistic, if not more sadistic, as you are.


Incorrect. I believe I surpass you in sadism.

I once stole one of your clones, convinced him into drinking until he he was vulnerable to my plan, and then I seized him and I grabbed his eyes and used them as puppet strings as I made him dance and sing a song about your affair with one of Castaras's apple pies.

[Saurous]

Incorrect. I believe I surpass you in sadism.

I once stole one of your clones, convinced him into drinking until he he was vulnerable to my plan, and then I seized him and I grabbed his eyes and used them as puppet strings as I made him dance and sing a song about your affair with one of Castaras's apple pies.

Oh, now what? Magtok's gonna start making jokes about me being pastryphilliac? :smallamused:

[Lord Magtok]

No, that was a one-time gag. Or was it? All I know is that you tend to willingly get more pies than anyone else around here. Coincidence? I think not. Saurous's Perversion, could you please come out and resolve this matter? I'm sure he would know the truth.

[Saurous]

What? Are you stupid, Magtok? We aren't pastryphilliac.

*Perversion thinks for a moment, and then grins*

Should I say anything about what I accidentally saw you doing to that robot yesterday, Magtok?

[Lord Magtok]

What I was doing? You mean the repairs I made with a wrench to its...NO! I wans't doing THAT! It had a small design error. It couldn't walk straight. I was just fixing it. THAT'S ALL! With a WRENCH! I DIDN'T DO THAT KIND OF THING!

I can't believe you'd even think that! No wait...I do believe. After all, you're Saurous's Perversion.

[Saurous]

HAHAHAHAHAHAH-

See? This is why it's a bad idea to call Perversion in for questions. And could you repeat that? I didn't get it all on the blackmail recording. :smallamused:

[Lord Magtok]

Gods, you're really, really messed up, Saurous. I think I'm going to go...damn, can't do that or that personality of yours will think I'm doing something sick!

*Sigh.* I suppose I'll just help with the overpopulation problem, and shove myself into Cassie's oven. Saurous, do you mind setting it to "bake" while I'm inside?

[Saurous]

Sure, whatever.

Can I keep with the jokes?

No.

Aww...

Perversion, have you met Stairs?

Who?

Ah, that's a problem. Allow me to introduce you two.

*Saurous kicks Perversion down the stairs to the basement, and locks the door behind him*

[Lord Magtok]

*The clone stuffs himself in the oven, and somehow ends up baked in a pie.*

*Another clone emerges from cyrogenic storage.*

Hey guys! Ooh, a pie! *Eats pie that once was the other clone.* Yum.

What? Why is everyone looking at me like that?

[Saurous]

*Saurous gags*

Uh...no reason. You probably don't want to know what's in that pie, though. Unless you're intentionally cannibalistic. :smalleek:

[PirateMonk]

Yes, but were you not the one who constantly berated and pushed that joke to it's limits? You are the one who constantly tries to prove that I am necrophilliac, which I am not. You are the one that came up with those problems, I simply followed suit. :smallamused: And, I simply use this sort of thing as mental torture. I'm probably as sadistic, if not more sadistic, as you are.

*A few demons appear in front of Maur, and take the brunt of the blasts*

" 'Gonna have to do better than that, PM."

Yes, Maur, the brunt. You probably have D4+D10/2 Hit Dice. You also probably have as high Con as your elven heritage allows. Assuming your father is evenly divided between elf and fiend, you are 11/16 Elf (of some variety). At best, you have -1 Constitution. That's 17, for a +4 modifier. Assuming you got the maximum result and are level three, that's just 33 HP. At that level, even if you some how managed to have only Summon spells prepared (puny wizard), you'll run out of fiends and monsters before I run out of charges in this one wand. And from there I reduce you to -9 HP. When someone revives you (most likely killing the 1/8 of you that is a lich), you'll hopefully have learned not to mess with me. And remember this proverb that has brought me so far in life:

Respect your elders, unless it's more convenient to slip a dagger between their ribs.

<Proceeds to kill Maur and his little meatshields too>

[Lord Magtok]

*Saurous gags*

Uh...no reason. You probably don't want to know what's in that pie, though. Unless you're intentionally cannibalistic. :smalleek:

Wait...what? Cannibalistic? What are you talking about? :smallconfused:

*Walks away to build some robots or something before Saurous can get a chance to explain what happened.*

[Saurous]

*Maur lays still for a while, and then pulls himself up off the ground*

Glad he didn't realize that I'm not only a wizard, and the rules of D&D can bite my-

Watch that language, mister. :smallannoyed:

[Lord Magtok]

Woo! With a mouth like that, Maur's probably a teenager now! And you know what that means! Rebellion against mean old dad, angst, and sneaking off at night to go to paladin parties!

[Saurous]

Nah, I'm about 7 or 8 now.

What? I live in a base of bad guys (and girls) and you don't expect me to pick up a few bad words?


Wait, old? I'm all of upper twenties, low thirties in human years!

[Lord Magtok]

And I'm a mere fifteen. Don't ask how that's possible, Saurous. Its hard to explain, and involves a lot more of my past than I'm willing to reveal.

So...yeah. You're old, compared to me. And so senile you don't know your own age.

[Saurous]

((Actually much younger than that))

Age doesn't really matter around here, does it? I really could be anywhere between thirteen and sixty-five, as long as it made sense with a joke.

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

C'mon...YES! Finally, I beat it!
*takes Mega Man 4 out of the NES...and puts Mega Man 5 in*
*is watching Magic play Mega Man*
*is watching Magic play Mega Man*
*is watching Magic play Mega Man*
*is watching Magic play Mega Man*
*is watching Magic play Mega Man*

[Lord Magtok]

Age doesn't really matter around here, does it? I really could be anywhere between thirteen and sixty-five, as long as it made sense with a joke.

So...this is now suddenly awkward. I just realized I've been sleeping in the same building as an old, senile guy who's half dead. :smalleek:

[Saurous]

I'm all of twenty-something! I was just making my point with the sixty-five thing.

And I'm only a quarter dead, and it's only in my right arm.

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

So...this is now suddenly awkward. I just realized I've been sleeping in the same building as an old, senile guy who's half dead. :smalleek:

?!
Oh, wait. You mean Saurous.
*sweat drop*

[Lord Magtok]

If Saurous is twenty something, that means he could've had Maur back when he was...a minor! :smalleek:

...Nevermind. Forgot about that special accelerated aging formula I slipped in Maur's bottle when he was an infant. Whew, I was scared for a moment.

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

Damn you, Crystal Man!

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Hmmmm... Maur IS getting to be about that age. I suppose it's time to throw my weight around as resident six-and-a-half-foot goblin."

Fullbladder pulls out his wallet, rifles through it, pulls out a specific ID, and pins it to his frock coat.
http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b381/AlmightyStriker/ID.jpg

The goblin follows this small act up by setting up the booth that he had previously used to try to sell genuine blackmail against Magtok, but now with the sign "The Weirdo is IN"

[Lord Magtok]

Hmm...maybe you should try harder, Fus? Or maybe just fight someone else? From what I know of Megaman, there's always another boss.

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

Well, I'm playing Mega Man 5, which has some of the hardest bosses. And, there's an order to fight the bosses in (certain bosses are weak against other bosses weapons), which I think is:
Star Man
Gravity Man
Gyro Man
Crystal Man
Napalm Man
Stone Man
Charge Man
Wave Man.

Well, I could go fight Stone Man, he's a somewhat easy one.

[Lord Magtok]

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b381/AlmightyStriker/ID.jpg

The goblin follows this small act up by setting up the booth that he had previously used to try to sell genuine blackmail against Magtok, but now with the sign "The Weirdo is IN"

So...whats the booth for again? And is there anything I can do to assist or makes things worse? I'm bored, and Fus. is hogging the TV.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"I'm... not really sure. Well, I got the certification.... Uh.... We torment Saurous by making Maur rebel. You need to be certified."

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

Yeah, I beat another one!
*takes out Mega Man 5...and puts in Mega Man 6*

[Castaras]

Missed all the fun again, Dangit! :smallannoyed:

[Lord Magtok]

"I'm... not really sure. Well, I got the certification.... Uh.... We torment Saurous by making Maur rebel. You need to be certified."

That sounds fun! Where do I sign? And it better not be on paper or something. I don't trust contracts that aren't messily written in someone else's blood. :smallannoyed:

[Saurous]

That sounds fun! Where do I sign? And it better not be on paper or something. I don't trust contracts that aren't messily written in someone else's blood. :smallannoyed:

Um...guys, he's seven (physically). He isn't going through any rebellion yet. :smallannoyed:

[Castaras]

Some people start early though, right? :smallamused:

[Saurous]

I guess so...elves do have strange, screwy hormones.

And the first one to turn that into something disgusting gets a lightsaber shoved up their....nose.

[Nekulor]

*a small child walks into AMEN and looks for castaras.*

[Castaras]

I guess so...elves do have strange, screwy hormones.

And the first one to turn that into something disgusting gets a lightsaber shoved up their....nose.

Why would I do a thing like that? :smallbiggrin:


*a small child walks into AMEN and looks for castaras.*

That another of yours, Saurous? :smallamused: What do you want little kid?

[Saurous]

That another of yours, Saurous? :smallamused: What do you want little kid?

No, it's not. Shut up.

For some reason, I'm getting the feeling that something nutty is about to happen. :smallannoyed:

[Nekulor]

*the child smiles*
I come bearing a message from my father, Nekulor... don't worry, I was born before he went all undead....

Anyway, he told me to give you this pie. He said you may want to study it. By the way, I'm Xerul.

*walks out of the room, and tosses an antimatter frag grenade in Saurous's room on the way out.

[Castaras]

* Grabs massive metal tongs and holds pie in them far away from her. *

I don't trust your dad. Actually, I don't trust anyone here.

[Nekulor]

"Don't worry, its a new design. Just don't eat it, and don't get too close to smell it unless within a level 4 viral containment suit."

[Saurous]

*A mohrg quickly grabs the grenade, and tosses it into Magtok's room*

Good thing that kid left. I'm the only child around here. :smallamused:

...why do you want to keep that title?

It makes me unique...

[Nekulor]

* a yell from outside the building*

I'll be around. Don't worry, you're loosing your title as sole AMEN child.

[Castaras]

* Carefully puts pie by PM's door *

* Quietly creeps back to kitchen *

[PirateMonk]

PM walks out, kicking the pie aside. It lands on Maur.


*Maur lays still for a while, and then pulls himself up off the ground*

Glad he didn't realize that I'm not only a wizard

That's why I factored in half the Blackguard Hit Die.


the rules of D&D can bite my-

I'm sure they will Maur, I'm sure they will.

[Nekulor]

*a trap on piratemonk's door hits him in the face with a stabbity death dagger*

The attached note reads:
"To Piratemonk, from Nekulor and son.

You are an annoying Belkar wannabe and thus do not deserve to live.

[Castaras]

Hang on, if Nekulor has a son, who's the mother? :smallconfused:

[Saurous]

....I hate you, PM. :smallannoyed:

*Maur runs around screaming about the pie burning his skin, and then he collapses. Another Maur exits his room*

Now, before you have a fit about the Geas thing, this clone was made before you put that on me. So, nyah. :smalltongue:

[PirateMonk]

Piratemonk? Who? And what is it with liches and mis-capitalizing my name? <Stabs them both> That's for stabbing someone who doesn't exist! And you'd better not edit!

For all to see:


*a trap on piratemonk's door hits him in the face with a stabbity death dagger*

The attached note reads:
"To Piratemonk, from Nekulor and son.

You are an annoying Belkar wannabe and thus do not deserve to live.

[Castaras]

He's got a point. Just call him PM, or PirateMonk.

[Meynolds]

Why would we call him PrivateMessage? :smalltongue:

[Castaras]

Pm us, we might tell you. :smallwink:

[PirateMonk]

That's acceptable too.

[Lord Magtok]

*A mohrg quickly grabs the grenade, and tosses it into Magtok's room*[/COLOR]

Crap. I just had that room repaired, too! And I finally decided where to put the Book of Dark, Embarrassing Secrets! But its just ashes now...:smallfrown:

[Saurous]

"Book of Dark, Embarrasing Secrets"? You mean this thing?

*Maur holds up a book with the title*

I took this out of your room the other day. It's boring, really. Nothing I haven't heard already.

You underestimate what people already know about you, Magtok.

[Castaras]

* Snicker *

* Carries on making pies *

[Lord Magtok]

I knew you'd instantly go for that. That's why I intentionally placed things everyone already knew in it, and stuck a secret-revealing gas within it. Kinda like a truth serum, only the target only reveals things about themself. :smallamused:

Also, you must've missed the passage about what happened to your right lung that one day. Otherwise you'd be furious. It was completely accidental, though. The robot had faulty programming. And it shouldn't have been running with scissors.

[Nekulor]

*Nekulor retraps PM's door with the same trap, fixing the capitalization in his letter this time, and also adds face eating acid to the letter and doorway*

[PirateMonk]

PirateMonk destroys Nekulor's phylacteries

[Castaras]

* Yawn *

Nothing happening then. Meh.

[Nekulor]

*PirateMonk missed 30 of them.*

They are spread across all of existence, into pocket dimensions and other universes. I doubt you could do it in 5 min.

[PirateMonk]

And yet I did. You just think I missed them. Would you bet your unlife on it?

[Nekulor]

I would. Considering one of them is embedded in a god.

or, god like thing. It resides inside a mortiverse, a living universe.

[Castaras]

Oh, you mean that god I just baked into a pie, Nekulor?

[PirateMonk]

A god? A god? <Collapses laughing> You incompetent *giggle* fool! I- *snicker* I've been killing gods longer than your parents have been alive! A god! <Continues laughing hysterically>

[Nekulor]

No, the god that baked you into a pie. It has more HD than every other D&D creature combined x 1,000,000,000,000


*makes 37 more soul shards of varying power just in case and randomly hides them across the planes of existence, all of them conforming to their environment perfectly.*

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

Yeah! Mega Man 6 is completed!
*takes Mega Man 6 out of the NES...and moves over to the SNES and puts Mega Man 7 in*

[Castaras]

I think I'd know if I was baked into a pie, y'know.

Anyone want to try this god pie?

[PirateMonk]

No, the god that baked you into a pie. It has more HD than every other D&D creature combined x 1,000,000,000,000

Not if you count me. I counted, and it's HP only into the septadectillions (or something). I'm level Graham's Number^387

[Nekulor]

*replaces Fus' copy of MM7 with that stupid game Stay Alive from the stupid horror movie of the same name.*

*grabs castaras' pie and heads for the underdark via dimension door*

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

NOOOO!! Not Mega Man 7! That was the next one.
*shoots Nekulor through the head and takes back MM7*

[Nekulor]

Then how come you die so much PM?

[Castaras]

MM7 always reminds me of Might and Magic...

* Picks up old disk *

Hmm...maybe later.

[Nekulor]

*Nekulor examines the hole in his skull*

Hmnn...I'm going to need to fix that later on.

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

*Nekulor examines the hole in his skull*

Hmnn...I'm going to need to fix that later on.

As long as I can beat Dr. Wily before you get back.

[PirateMonk]

Then how come you die so much PM?

I don't. I haven't died yet.

[Nekulor]

*Nekulor teleports PM to the 66th layer of the Abyss, right in front of Lolth*
You have now.

[Castaras]

* Lolth gets annoyed and ties up Nekulor for annoying her *
* She then teleports PM away *
* Spiders come and slowly eat Nekulor up. *

[PirateMonk]

But Lolth isn't there. She's one of my zombies.

[Nekulor]

*Nekulor reforms on the plane of fire, then teleports to AMEN*

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Bah, send him to L0L7|-|, the goddess of annoying little idiots. I met her once. Fortunately my brain had been converted into a mushy paste in a previous timeperiod. By way of man hating, news reporter worshipping cookies. Among other things."

Fullbladder rambles on a bit. Then his eyes explode in twin fiery blasts, cascading forth from his face.

[Castaras]

L0L7|-|? Where would she be?

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Where all gods of such things reside. The Tutorial Abyss."

[Castaras]

Ah, the tutorial abyss of the 1337 and the n00bish.

* Teleports PM and Nekulor into Tutorial Abyss *

Enjoy, you two. :smallamused:

[Lord Magtok]

"Where all gods of such things reside. The Tutorial Abyss."


Good gods, one of my clones went there once. He spent the rest of his life screaming about not having a "X" button. I kinda felt bad for the guy, especially since he was blind and didn't know about the controller I put in his hand when he left.

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

*is seen feasting on a cheese wheel*
Mmmm, sooo good...

[PirateMonk]

Ah, the tutorial abyss of the 1337 and the n00bish.

* Teleports PM and Nekulor into Tutorial Abyss *

Enjoy, you two. :smallamused:

But... what about Fus.?

[Castaras]

He's already being tortured on the mega man 7 I put in, with the bosses activating god mode. No point in taking him from one torture to another.

[Nekulor]

*realizes where he is*
Ah, home sweet 1337. I've been here before. I have a phylactery around here somewhere...in all this 1337 5p33|<.

*relaxes in his former pocket home here, on his x-button shaped chair.*

[PirateMonk]

PirateMonk returns and slips on the Reality Gauntlet. The universe is bent beyond recognition, and then suddenly rights itself.

"Okay, now no one can do anything to me without speaking the password first. The password is:

zK*SFBJ&V j?* K^%JKHZ<G &KF VKJ&V FK FS<< GKH)

Only not in cryptograms."

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

*still eating cheese*
Look at Rex's Avatar on the first page. That doesn't look good.

[Castaras]

*still eating cheese*
Look at Rex's Avatar on the first page. That doesn't look good.

Bandwidth loss, eh? Heh.

* Picks up pies *

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"In the last three hours I've seen Rex go from a pogo-ing Hitler to a pogo-ing american. Of course it doesn't look good."

Then Fullbladder walks over to PirateMonk.

"The Password."

He proceeds to take the Reality Gauntlet, crush it, devour it, and teleport PrateMonk back to the tutorial abyss.

"Well, he said you had to say the passowrd before doing anything to him."

[PirateMonk]

That I did. But I never said saying it would actually allow you to. If you say it the way I want you to, then maybe...

[Dartonus]

I will splode now!
http://www.inexistentia.net/nuke.jpg

[PirateMonk]

I will splode now!
http://www.inexistentia.net/nuke.jpg

Stop that.

[Castaras]

Dartonus, how many times have you used that picture now?

[Dartonus]

Um.. let's see...
3 times to blow castaras up,
4 times (I think) in the sploding pyramid,
once in playing mod,
3 times in the imperial battlefleet,
once in the Liza jane II,
once just now,
and once more for good measure.
http://www.inexistentia.net/nuke.jpg
So... 14 or so times.

[Castaras]

You're too trigger happy. Could you stop posting it? It's getting old and a bit annoying.

[Nekulor]

*Nekulor walks in the front door.*

Hey guys! I'm back from the Tutorialverse!

It was good. Played some CS with a few buddies, rested in my old pad. Very fun. Thanks for the vacation, it was 1337!

[Dartonus]

K. I might blow up the rally again, though.

[Meynolds]

Well, in that case I give you:

http://rhysy.plexersoft.com/Explosion%20test%202e.jpg

[Nekulor]

Dartonus, should you go for the police station, I'll kill you.

[Castaras]

Dartonus, should you go for the police station, I'll kill you.

Dartonus...go to the station...go to the station...the explosions command you...

[Dartonus]

Nah. The call of the rally can be heard. Maybe after the rally, though. ;)

[Meynolds]

"IF you survive the desert of course."

[Nekulor]

I just want another shot to kill dartonus...again.

[Lord Magtok]

Dartonus, did it ever occur to you that you're simply annoying people, and not actually accomplishing anything?

Try coming up with a way to have your characters exist in the Town without being problems 24/7. There's a difference between being evil, and being a pest.

Look at Town-Magtok. He

1. Established the short-lived Order of Evil.
2. Put his Good nemesis Agent Omega through horrible mental torture
3. Continued to be a threat even as a near-harmless ghost.
4. However, he has not gone randomly killing. He has a motive for his evil acts, and a purpose and plan to defeat this nemesis. He doesn't bug the cops every other day with the same stuff all the time.

[Castaras]

* Throws pie at Magtok *

I'm bored, so might as well.

[Lord Magtok]

*Catches pie and tosses it back.*

Sorry if I was being a bit harsh, Dartonus.

[Meynolds]

"You're not sorry Magtok. You're just evil, and you don't feel sorry."

[Castaras]

* Pie flies over head into kitchen. Massive non-pictured explosion *

So it worked. Good.

[Dartonus]

Actually, Krall is acting the very definition of a CE character. Random killings everywhere.

[Lord Magtok]

"You're not sorry Magtok. You're just evil, and you don't feel sorry."

I know. I just don't want to be killed again today, so I'm being extra-careful with my criticism and mean comments. Also, I don't want anyone to try to exact revenge on me for something today.

Speaking of revenge, has anyone seen MC? She hasn't tried to kill me for quite a while. :smallconfused:

[Saurous]

Wow. I go off to play Oblivion for...almost two hours, and you guys only get one page done? I am ashamed. :smallannoyed:


Speaking of revenge, has anyone seen MC? She hasn't tried to kill me for quite a while. :smallconfused:

That's a good question. She hasn't been around since the last thread, and hasn't been online since Friday afternoon, I think.

[Castaras]

I'm not sure. I was thinking Maur might be giving her a mothers day card...

[Lord Magtok]

Wow. I go off to play Oblivion for...almost two hours, and you guys only get one page done? I am ashamed. :smallannoyed:

Well, things move slowly when we don't have our good ole "butt of all jokes" around. :smallbiggrin:


I'm not sure. I was thinking Maur might be giving her a mothers day card...

And somehow that causes her to go into a coma? Wow, she really is weird. :smalltongue:

[Saurous]

Well, things move slowly when we don't have our good ole "butt of all jokes" around. :smallbiggrin:



And somehow that causes her to go into a coma? Wow, she really is weird. :smalltongue:

So I do actually have a purpose around here.

Oh, and shut up.

[Castaras]

If you're the Butt-of-almost-all-jokes at AMEN, then we should help you stick to your title...:smalltongue:

[Lord Magtok]

Oh, and shut up.

Someone in a bad mood cuz his girl left him?

You're jealous, aren't you?

Shut up, Insanity.

But I'm not Insanity! You don't even have an Insan-

I said shut up, Lies and Deception.

[Saurous]

Someone in a bad mood cuz his girl left him?

You're jealous, aren't you?

Shut up, Insanity.

But I'm not Insanity! You don't even have an Insan-

I said shut up, Lies and Deception.

Quiet, you. :smallannoyed:

Oooo! Dad's upset because Mom hasn't been around in so- :smalltongue:

No torturing prisoners for a week if you keep talking, Maur.

...shoot. :smallfrown:

[Nekulor]

Saurous, you should download my mod once it's done. Or, better yet, help me finish it. I'm trying to fix Oblivion's AI and make everything more realistic.

*Nekulor goes downstairs in his lab to play ubermodded oblivion.

[Castaras]

Psst. Maur. If you carry on talking I can get it so you can torture prisoners still. And for longer.

[Saurous]

Saurous, you should download my mod once it's done. Or, better yet, help me finish it. I'm trying to fix Oblivion's AI and make everything more realistic.

*Nekulor goes downstairs in his lab to play ubermodded oblivion.

Does it have it where the NPCs don't attack everything that moves? I mean, the hardest part at the end of the game was just trying to get Martin to the Imperial City. It's as if he has ADD or something...

[Dartonus]

I love crossbreeding. check out my latest masterpiece now in the desert!
(If you are police, and in the desert, this is very, very, bad.)

[Lord Magtok]

Psst. Maur. If you carry on talking I can get it so you can torture prisoners still. And for longer.

And did you ever get a copy of Magtok's 1001 ways to make a grown man wish he was dead? I'll give you a copy with the uncensored chapter on slow cerebral dismemberment.

[Meynolds]

Yeah, no kidding. May you be cursed evermore.

[Nekulor]

I might include that Saurous, but OOO tends to cover most of it and Mart's mod fixes the creature faction stuff.

Mostly:
Jail for NPCs who commit crimes.
More NPCs who commit crime (murder, ect.)
Livelier dungeons, giving LL processing to ALL NPCs
Revised city schedules.

[Saurous]

I might include that Saurous, but OOO tends to cover most of it and Mart's mod fixes the creature faction stuff.

Mostly:
Jail for NPCs who commit crimes.
More NPCs who commit crime (murder, ect.)
Livelier dungeons, giving LL processing to ALL NPCs
Revised city schedules.

Hmm. Those do sound like good ideas, as long as the criminal NPCs are used in moderation. It helps when not every other person commits a crime every day.

[Nekulor]

I have forums set up, but they are a ghost town without a team. I need more people to work on it. Reneer is supposed to be helping with the guards, but I haven't heard from him in a month.

[Lord Magtok]

Out of random curiousity, has anyone here played Interactive Buddy before? And why did it get so quiet?

[Castaras]

What's interactive buddy? And I don't know why it got so quiet.

[Meynolds]

I have played Interactive Buddy. Pointless game, but I get to shoot stuff...

[Lord Magtok]

What's interactive buddy?

Some game which I found on xgenstudios.com. Its really fun. You can light the little guy on fire, turn him into certain disliked politicians, and even trick him into thinking a grenade is but an innocent baseball.

[Saurous]

Out of random curiousity, has anyone here played Interactive Buddy before? And why did it get so quiet?

Is that the game with the strange grey creature that you can do practically whatever you wish with? Anywhere from tossing fireballs at it, to tossing baseballs at it?

[Lord Magtok]

Yup. I like dropping bowling balls on his head, and turning him into a certain president of a certain country.

[Saurous]

Yup. I like dropping bowling balls on his head, and turning him into a certain president of a certain country.

I enjoy the Gravity Shifter the most. Especially tossing it, and then tossing grenades. It's fun to see the Buddy's reaction when he gets hit by a group of spiraling grenades.

[Lord Magtok]

Finally, someone posted after me. Its getting so quiet all the time now. I'm thinking of plugging a chip in everybody to fill them with excruciating pain whenever they're online and not posting.

[Castaras]

Meh. I post when I have something to say. If I don't have anything constructive to say then I say weird and silly things. Therefore I only post when I have something constructive to say.

* Throws grenade at Magtok and Saurous, imagining they're an american politician and an english prime minister. *

[Lord Magtok]

Wait...who's the American? Me? Or is it that tea-sipping ninny over there with the corpse-arm?

*Dodges grenade.*

[PirateMonk]

"I'm bored. I think I'll torture Maur to death. Has anyone seen him?"
Maur jumps out and performs a Sneak Attack Smite Annoying.
"Hah! Sucker! I took Most Certainly Not Annoying last level! You can't overwhelm my DR now!"

[Lord Magtok]

But one of the requirements for taking Most Certainly Not Annoying is being someone other than PirateMonk.

...I really doubt you aren't PirateMonk.

[Castaras]

Eh. Whatever. I feel tired.

* Wanders off into kitchen *

[Lord Magtok]

Umm...Cassie? If you see one of my clones in the oven, try not to have a heart attack. He's just volunteering to be in one of your pies. Oddly enough, Saurous wants to volunteer as well.

*Shoves Saurous into the kitchen.*

[Saurous]

Oh, no, wait. PM wishes to volunteer!

*Pushes PirateMonk towards Castaras*

[Castaras]

Eh whatever.

Wait...what are you doing in here? GET OUT ALL OF YOU!!! :smallfurious:

[Lord Magtok]

*Stabs a Saurous clone in the back of the head and then attaches strings to him to make him a dead puppet. He then attempts to make it look like Saurous is saying "Make me leave, you cake-whore!" and he decides the levels in ventrioquist weren't a waste.*

[Saurous]

Um, Magtok, how would that be me, if I am standing right here? It's hard to torture a clone when they are already dead.

*Saurous takes a step out of the kitchen*

[Castaras]

Good.

* Sees clone *

Wait, why does that clone sound like Magtok? Oh he's dead. That's why.

[PirateMonk]

Another clone grabs Maur and teleports away.

[Saurous]

*Maur slices the clone with his sword, and then comes back*

I'm getting tired of these creeps kidnapping me. :smallannoyed:

[Lord Magtok]

Darn. I knew I should've waited for the real Saurous to leave.

Hey Saurous, what would your Happiness taste like if it was baked in a pie? I really think we should find out.

[Castaras]

I would suggest EVIL to Maur, but nah that'd be too cruel even for me.

[Saurous]

Darn. I knew I should've waited for the real Saurous to leave.

Hey Saurous, what would your Happiness taste like if it was baked in a pie? I really think we should find out.

It would probably be poisonous to any of us, but let's find out.

*Happiness manifests next to Saurous*

What do you need me for, again?

We're just...making pies. :smallamused:

And I can help? :smallsmile:

Sure, we couldn't do it without you.

[Castaras]

Here, happiness, could you check this oven for me please? I'm not sure whether it is working or not, and my back is hurting so I can't bend down to check. :smallsmile:

[Saurous]

Oh. Sure, Cassie!

*He bends down, Maur kicks him into the oven and closes it. Saurous puts the stove on "Nuclear"*

[Castaras]

Ack! Not nuclear! That makes the flavour go bad!

* Turns dial down quite a bit *

Now we just wait a little...

[Lord Magtok]

So...who wants the first slice of Happiness when its ready?

[Saurous]

I think I'll pass. I try to keep down on cannibalistic tendancies, and I don't think eating one of my own mental constructs would help with that.

[Castaras]

Well I don't want anything either. I've managed to keep with only on personality outburst, I don't want a second.

* DING *

[Lord Magtok]

Then I'll eat it. I find the very idea of literally swallowing up your Happiness funny, Saurous. So comical that I'm willing to ignore my usual anti-cannibalistic tendencies.

Soo...is it ready yet? I want some Happiness!

[Castaras]

* Takes out roast happiness *

* Stuffs into pie *

* Puts pie in microwave *

A few more minutes should do it.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"I too will take a peice of happy pie. Then again, if you recall I eat my own carcass when I die."

[Castaras]

* Takes pie out *

There. You all can pig out on it.

[Lord Magtok]

I wonder what it'll taste like...

*Takes the first slice and puts it on a plate, and starts eating with a fork.*

[Saurous]

*The pie tastes somewhat like the Warheads candies*

So...what does it taste like?

Can I try some? :smallconfused:

[Castaras]

It's all yours. I don't want any.

[Saurous]

Sweet!

*Maur picks up a plate and takes a slice. He begins eating it*

Something is very wrong about this, and I don't know why...:smallannoyed:

[Lord Magtok]

Wow. Its really sour. I suppose I was foolish for supposing Saurous's Happiness to be sweet and sugary.

...Crap. I hate sour stuff. I'm going to go whine and complain while repairing some of my machines now.

*Grumbles and leaves.*

[Castaras]

Meh.

* Wanders off in a random direction *

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Yes, Maur. Grow fat on yer father's emotional innards."

"this kid is a freak of nature. My Druid levels are begging me to kill him now, but my admiration for Megatron orders me to let him live and eventually become a short, fleshy Starscream."

Fullbladder devours his portion of the pie.

"Mmmm.... emotional innards.... pointy metal.... Dry porcelain..... All gone."

He leaves the kitcheny area after finishing off his fork and plate.

[Lord Magtok]

Sweet!

*Maur picks up a plate and takes a slice. He begins eating it*

Something is very wrong about this, and I don't know why...:smallannoyed:

Saurous, you should've yelled "Do you want a piece of me?!?" before letting your kid have the pie. :smallbiggrin:

[Saurous]

Sweet and sugary? I thought you would know that there is nothing nice about me by now, Magtok. Except when it comes to...nevermind.

*He walks downstairs and plays Okami*


Saurous, you should've yelled "Do you want a piece of me?!?" before letting your kid have the pie.

The joke burns! It burns!

[Castaras]

Except when it comes to...nevermind.

To MC and other stuff? :smallamused:

[Lord Magtok]

Sweet and sugary? I thought you would know that there is nothing nice about me by now, Magtok. Except when it comes to...nevermind.

You're referring to MC, right? Your Happiness is always mentioning her, so that must be what you meant.

Now that I'm done with those repairs, I think I'll go sit around and wait for some horrible catastrophy to occur. Knowing this place, something disgusting or painful is going to happen to me if I just sit and wait.

[Saurous]

To MC and other stuff? :smallamused:

'Depends on what you mean by "other stuff". :smallannoyed:

[Castaras]

'Depends on what you mean by "other stuff". :smallannoyed:

* Whistles innocently *

[Lord Magtok]

'Depends on what you mean by "other stuff". :smallannoyed:

There are so many things I could say right now...but I think I'll just shut up instead. I'm suddenly in the mood to keep my skull attached to my neck today.

[Saurous]

There are so many things I could say right now...but I think I'll just shut up instead. I'm suddenly in the mood to keep my skull attached to my neck today.

What if I remove your neck from the rest of your body? Your head is still attached to your neck...

And can we move on? We can't go ten minutes without bringing up a joke like that...

[Castaras]

Just making sure you keep your lovely AMEN title of Butt-of-almost-all-jokes, Saurous. :smalltongue:

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

As if to ease Saurous' emotional trauma, a goblin carrying a light crossbow and wearing red and blue armour runs past. This is shortly followed by the same goblin being thrown backwards the other way, followed instantly by Fullbladder, with his own crossbow somehow strapped to his forearm.

"I'll crush you with my bare hands!" the latter goblin shouts as he rushes towards his apparent adversary. They proceed to brawl.

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

Yeah, Mega Man 7 is done!
*takes Mega Man 7 out...and moves over to the Playstation and puts in Mega Man 8*

[Goblin Music]

*Moves over to watch fus play MM8*

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

Dammit, Clown Man! Why won't you die?!

[Lord Magtok]

Fus, you really should do something about this Megaman addiction.

Like get a new avvie or something.

[Saurous]

*We interrupt this boring and slow conversation with something completely and utterly random*

*A massive taco breathing flame and with laser cannons growing from it's back walks through. Maur sits on top of it, leading it towards the kitchen*

[Goblin Music]

*looks at taco* Interesting

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

Fus, you really should do something about this Megaman addiction.

Like get a new avvie or something.

What do you mean?

[Deathcow]

Tacos? I like tacos. Hard-shell or soft shell?

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Both Goblinus Prime (working title) and Fullbladder stop their brawl in mid-punch and stare open-mouthed at the taco.

"That's some taco."

[Saurous]

*Tacos are not known for their speed, and just now made it to the kitchen. After a few moments, and a loud "ding", Maur walks out carrying a plate full of soft-shell tacos*

[Goblin Music]

What were you doing in there Maur?

[Saurous]

Making actually edible tacos from the monster taco.

*He picks up one of the tacos and takes a bite out of it*

[Goblin Music]

Hmm interesting very interesting.

[Saurous]

....'k... :smallconfused:

*He sits down by the couch, and places the pile on the coffee table*

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

Yeah! I'm done Mega Man 8! Woohoo!
*picks up GameBoy and puts in a Mega Man: Dr. Wily's Revenge cartridge in*

[Korith]

*Whistles*

A brand new Sword Golem, with a big cloth banner reading "Sword Golem Mk II: Now Rustproofed!" appears.

"Go shred some orcs to test out your weapons."

Korith sits and spies on the usual enemies through a crystal ball.

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

Dr. Wily's Revenge is complete!
*takes out DWR and puts in a Mega Man II cart, and turns the sound off*

[Lord Magtok]

*We interrupt this boring and slow conversation with something completely and utterly random*

*A massive taco breathing flame and with laser cannons growing from it's back walks through. Maur sits on top of it, leading it towards the kitchen*

Its a flame that breathes tacos? :smalleek: Those silly wizards and their ridiculous creations...

[Castaras]

No more ridiculous than any of AMEN.

[Lord Magtok]

Ah, right.

Speaking of ridiculous foods, do you have anything new today, Cassie? I feel like chucking something at Fus. today. Dunno why, though.

[Castaras]

Ridiculous foods? No ridiculous foods. Just the same sorts as before. Love potion, personality changes, explosions, oh yes, would you test this one out on someone please? Hopefully it should make them do anything for the one who threw it.

* Ducks behind table *

[Lord Magtok]

Really? Hmm...who should I force to obey my command...hmm...Saurous might suffer the least, as he's probably used to my attacks on his mind...

*Tosses pie at Moon Called.*

Meynolds unveiled a list of EVIL members a while back. It had your name on it. YOU WILL EXPLAIN THIS NOW, WORM. :smallannoyed:

[Castaras]

* Peeks over table *

Phew.

* Heads back to other pies *

[Korith]

*Directs illusion of Moon_Called to speak*
http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r286/Moon_Called/avatars/elf_default.gif
I did it for you, milord. I have infiltrated that disgusting cesspool deeply enough that they believe I am, in fact, one of them. Soon we will have all the knowledge we require to destroy them.
*The illusion winks at Lord Magtok*

*Korith giggles*

[Lord Magtok]

Fine. You may continue your covert actions. Oh, and could you say hi to the Lawful Good clone of me while you're there? Thanks.

Wait a sec...did you just show me respect? And wink at me? :smallconfused:

[Castaras]

Hmm...is MC cheating on Saurous eh? :smallamused:

[Saurous]

Fine. You may continue your covert actions. Oh, and could you say hi to the Lawful Good clone of me while you're there? Thanks.

Wait a sec...did you just show me respect? And wink at me? :smallconfused:

You can't see that that isn't MC? There wasn't even one mispelled word in it!

[Korith]

*Falls over laughing*
*Gets up, regains composure*

Sorry...I was watching a certain Zombie on my Crystal Ball. Yeah, that's it...

[Castaras]

* Whispers to Korith *

Yeh its an illusion. Its hilarious if we send Saurous against MC though.:smallamused:

[Lord Magtok]

You can't see that that isn't MC? There wasn't even one mispelled word in it!

Maybe she's just had a sudden...morale boost? And decided to put more effort into her spelling? :smallwink: :smallamused: :smalltongue:

[Castaras]

Maybe she's just had a sudden...morale boost? And decided to put more effort into her spelling? :smallwink: :smallamused: :smalltongue:

Wait...she got the morale bonus when she saw you, do you think...:smallamused:

[Saurous]

...

BWHAHAHAHA...ha...yeah, right. And sure, don't listen to the guy who can see through illusions, and can see when someone casts a spell out in the open...

[Korith]

*Looks up from crystal ball*

But if the man who can see through illusions has an agenda where he'd rather the real be false, wouldn't he just claim that to be an illusion, too?

[Saurous]

*Looks up from crystal ball*

But if the man who can see through illusions has an agenda where he'd rather the real be false, wouldn't he just claim that to be an illusion, too?

You raise a point, but the real MC was disentegrated a few pages back by the alien attackers, remember?

And she always freezes when you begin talking, Korith.

[Castaras]

And she always freezes when you begin talking, Korith.

So many things I could say to that...:smalltongue:

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

MMII is done.
*puts in Mega Man III*

[Korith]

You raise a point, but the real MC was disentegrated a few pages back by the alien attackers, remember?

And she always freezes when you begin talking, Korith.

And I freeze when you start talking. Am I an illusion of yours?

[Nekulor]

*reprograms Fus's copy of MMIII via magical network connection. Then replaces the code for it with the code for Magical Pony Princess 5: Return to Happy Happy Magical Pony Land*

[Lord Magtok]

...

BWHAHAHAHA...ha...yeah, right. And sure, don't listen to the guy who can see through illusions, and can see when someone casts a spell out in the open...

I knew it was an illusion. I just felt like messing with your minds with a meanigless post that, if you really think about it, says absolutey nothing.


So many things I could say to that...

I know the feeling...but I don't feel like dying today. The clone poplation is finally under control. I found a really nice city to send them all to for a vacation. Shortly afterwards, I launched a really nice nuke at said city.

[Saurous]

I knew it was an illusion. I just felt like messing with your minds with a meanigless post that, if you really think about it, says absolutey nothing.



I know the feeling...but I don't feel like dying today. The clone poplation is finally under control. I found a really nice city to send them all to for a vacation. Shortly afterwards, I launched a really nice nuke at said city.

Ah, good.

Ooooo...you got nervous there for a second, didn't you?

Shut up, I knew that wasn't MC from the start.

You sure about that? Your body heat and heart rate went up quite a bit there...

Yes, I'm sure. Now shut up.

[Nekulor]

*Walks in with a small mongoose by his side*

This is my most recent project. Meet Marmot.

*The mongoose bows to all present, then immediately begins casting an unidentified 7th level wizard spell in magtok's direction*

I combined lichdom and genetically enhanced animals into one. He is not only undead, but highly intelligent.

"wewoo."

...Need to work on the speech though.

[Lord Magtok]

*Dodges the spell.*

Please don't try that again. I'm trying to get in the habit of not dying every few minutes.

[Nekulor]

Twen yoo ned to bee aw ittle less cwonfontatonal.

He's getting better. He's even got Mongoose shaped armor. Made it himself.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

A faint beeping is heard. Fullbladder responds to it by taking one last punch at Goblinus Prime (mayhaps Goblinus Grime would work better.... hmmm...), and ups and leaves. Anyone who followed him would have found the room with a thousand Iggy 9000's, each hooked up to a different miniature Camerazard designed to monitor the various rooms of the AMEN headquarters.

Within seconds of his disappearance a small Camerazard launches itself from the ventilation system onto the back of Magtok's head and drives it's tongue through the cyborg's skull, theoretically allowing Fullbladder complete control of whichever clone is currently out and talking.

"You will begin creating Cretaceous Park. You will move all your cloning equipment from your lab to Fullbladder's, for the purpose of creating the attractions in Cretaceous Park. You will tell no one that Fullbladder has control of you. You will explain the lizard as a fashion statement."

[Lord Magtok]

Yes, master.

*The clone does Fullblader's bidding without fighting it in his mind or anything.*

[Nekulor]

New I dunnant. It was a beerd...bird?

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Good. Now you will hop on one leg three times, bark like a Dinobot, and proceed to try on female chassis for the purpose of blackmailing. The lizard will likely lay it's eggs in your forehead while this takes place. Do not fight it, Magtok. Remember, 'I can't get Cretaceous Park back online without Dennis NedryMagtok.'"

Fullbladder grins, and sends out memos to everyone via Camerazard asking what they would like Magtok to do, because Fullbladder is twisted.

[Lord Magtok]

*Another Magtok clone eyes the one with a Camerazard attached to his head suspiciously.*

Umm...whats with him?

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

Just 2 more games...
*takes out MMIII and puts in Mega Man IV*

*meanwhile...*
Hmm. This should work just fine...
GOOBALL!
Insanity, why don't you go chase a parked car or something?
OK!

*sitting in corner thinking*
*teamed up with Murderousness killing people*
*teamed up with Evilness killing people*

[Saurous]

Hmm...Magic, don't you actually have more than just two games to be finished? Don't you need to try the X series, also? :smallamused:

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

Oh, yes! And Legends, and Zero, and Battle Network!
That's about another...

20 games! NOT including spinoffs, just the base ones!

Oh, and I forgot ZX and Starforce, so that makes 22!

[Lord Magtok]

Good gods, I hope he skips the Mega Man collections with all those old games.

And Battle Network sucked, in my opinion.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

To respond to the second Magtok clone, Fullbladder leans out of the room he is hiding in and shouts "Um.... Nothing is wrong with him. He's absolutely fine. He simply has some fashion sense, unlike the lot of us."

[Lord Magtok]

Umm...okay. But I could've sworn that particular clone had a phobia of Zards.

Odd, really. Normally, in this situation, he'd just shut down and do nothing. Instead, he seems to be enjoying himself. But whats with the female chassis? And why is it barking?

[Saurous]

I believe he felt the need to "come into contact with his feminine side" or something like that. The barking is because he's performing and experiment to see if he becomes more intimidating if he acts like a Dinobot. As you can see, it doesn't appear to be working.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"He decided it was time to face his fears and befriended this particular Camerazard. Most definately."

[Lord Magtok]

Normally, I'd get mad and kill somthing over this waste of a perfectly good clone. Instead, I think I'll just watch his antics with you guys, because I'm sure that doing that will enrage whoever did that to the other me.

[Saurous]

That's nice, Magtok.

*Saurous pulls out a small metalic box, and begins tapping on it with a wrench*

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

".....

"Damn. He is essentially you, you know."

Fullbladder scuttles out of his little monitor room. He walks right between the two Magtoks.

"I won't let you have the satisfaction of getting me enraged. You, stop barking. You will now serinade the other Magtok over here with a touching rendition of 'Desperado' by the Eagles. Do this while down on one knee. Following that, you will proclaim your undying love for Saurous, while crying."

"I hope you like your blackmail well done, cyber-boy. I've got it all on tape."