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Rex Idiotarum
2007-03-14, 01:47 PM
Welcome to AMEN



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No good Deeds allowed, to thank someone, you could merely just not kill them.
If a individual is assassinated by means of trout, and has now known heirs, the assassin inherits all the person's belongings and debt.
Never reveal the secret forum's easy to uncover address.
Stabbing is allowed and encouraged.
Twister, on the other hand, is not.
My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.
I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident -- I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.
I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.
My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.
I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.
If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.
Even though I don't really care because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no good structural reason.
Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.
I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.
I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.
I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or being executed.
I will not rely entirely upon "totally reliable" spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismans.
I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.
I will never accept a challenge from the hero.
I will not engage an enemy single-handedly until all my soldiers are dead.
If I capture the hero's starship, I will keep it in the landing bay with the ramp down, only a few token guards on duty and a ton of explosives set to go off as soon as it clears the blast-range.
No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling "Leave him. He's mine!"
If I have equipment which performs an important function, it will not be activated by a lever that someone could trigger by accidentally falling on when fatally wounded.
I will not attempt to kill the hero by placing a venomous creature in his room. It will just wind up accidentally killing one of my clumsy henchmen instead.
Since nothing is more irritating than a hero defeating you with basic math skills, all of my personal weapons will be modified to fire one more shot than the standard issue.
If I come into possession of an artifact which can only be used by the pure of heart, I will not attempt to use it regardless.
The gun turrets on my fortress will not rotate enough so that they may direct fire inward or at each other.
If I decide to hold a contest of skill open to the general public, contestants will be required to remove their hooded cloaks and shave their beards before entering.
Prior to kidnapping an older male scientist and forcing him to work for me, I will investigate his offspring and make sure that he has neither a beautiful but naive daughter who is willing to risk anything to get him back, nor an estranged son who works in the same field but had a falling-out with his father many years ago.
Should I actually decide to kill the hero in an elaborate escape-proof deathtrap room (water filling up, sand pouring down, walls converging, etc.) I will not leave him alone five-to-ten minutes prior to "imminent" death, but will instead (finding a vantage point or monitoring camera) stick around and enjoy watching my adversary's demise.
Rather than having only one secret escape pod, which the hero can easily spot and follow, I'll simultaneously launch a few dozen decoys to throw him off track.
Prison guards will have their own cantina featuring a wide variety of tasty treats that will deliver snacks to the guards while on duty. The guards will also be informed that accepting food or drink from any other source will result in execution.
I will not employ robots as agents of destruction if there is any possible way that they can be re-programmed or if their battery packs are externally mounted and easily removable.
Despite the delicious irony, I will not force two heroes to fight each other in the arena.
All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.
I will never place the key to a cell just out of a prisoner's reach.
Before appointing someone as my trusted lieutenant, I will conduct a thorough background investigation and security clearance.
If I find my beautiful consort with access to my fortress has been associating with the hero, I'll have her executed. It's regrettable, but new consorts are easier to get than new fortresses and maybe the next one will pay attention at the orientation meeting.
If I am escaping in a large truck and the hero is pursuing me in a small Italian sports car, I will not wait for the hero to pull up along side of me and try to force him off the road as he attempts to climb aboard. Instead I will slam on the brakes when he's directly behind me. (A rudimentary knowledge of physics can prove quite useful.)
My doomsday machine will have a highly-advanced technological device called a capacitor in case someone inconveniently pulls the plug at the last second. (If I have access to REALLY advanced technology, I will include a back-up device known as a battery.)
If I build a bomb, I will simply remember which wire to cut if it has to be deactivated and make every wire red.
Before spending available funds on giant gargoyles, gothic arches, or other cosmetically intimidating pieces of architecture, I will see if there are any valid military expenditures that could use the extra budget.
The passageways to and within my domain will be well-lit with fluorescent lighting. Regrettably, the spooky atmosphere will be lost, but my security patrols will be more effective.
If I'm sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)
I will instruct my guards when checking a cell that appears empty to look for the chamber pot. If the chamber pot is still there, then the prisoner has escaped and they may enter and search for clues. If the chamber pot is not there, then either the prisoner is perched above the lintel waiting to strike them with it or else he decided to take it as a souvenir (in which case he is obviously deeply disturbed and poses no threat). Either way, there's no point in entering.
As an alternative to not having children, I will have lots of children. My sons will be too busy jockeying for position to ever be a real threat, and the daughters will all sabotage each other's attempts to win the hero.
If I have children and subsequently grandchildren, I will keep my three-year-old granddaughter near me at all times. When the hero enters to kill me, I will ask him to first explain to her why it is necessary to kill her beloved grandpa. When the hero launches into an explanation of morality way over her head, that will be her cue to pull the lever and send him into the pit of crocodiles. After all, small children like crocodiles almost as much as Evil Overlords and it's important to spend quality time with the grandkids.
If one of my daughters actually manages to win the hero and openly defies me, I will congratulate her on her choice, declare a national holiday to celebrate the wedding, and proclaim the hero my heir. This will probably be enough to break up the relationship. If not, at least I am assured that no hero will attack my Legions of Terror when they are holding a parade in his honor.
I will order my guards to stand in a line when they shoot at the hero so he cannot duck and have them accidentally shoot each other. Also, I will order some to aim above, below, and to the sides so he cannot jump out of the way.
My dungeon cell decor will not feature exposed pipes. While they add to the gloomy atmosphere, they are good conductors of vibrations and a lot of prisoners know Morse code.
If my surveillance reports any un-manned or seemingly innocent ships found where they are not supposed to be, they will be immediately vaporized instead of brought in for salvage.
I will classify my lieutenants in three categories: untrusted, trusted, and completely trusted. Promotion to the third category will be awarded posthumously.
Before ridiculing my enemies for wasting time on a device to stop me that couldn't possibly work, I will first acquire a copy of the schematics and make sure that in fact it couldn't possibly work.
Ropes supporting various fixtures will not be tied next to open windows or staircases, and chandeliers will be hung way at the top of the ceiling.
I will provide funding and research to develop tactical and strategic weapons covering a full range of needs so my choices are not limited to "hand to hand combat with swords" and "blow up the planet".
I will not set myself up as a god. That perilous position is reserved for my trusted lieutenant.
I will instruct my fashion designer that when it comes to accessorizing, second-chance body armor goes well with every outfit.
My Legions of Terror will be an equal-opportunity employer. Conversely, when it is prophesied that no man can defeat me, I will keep in mind the increasing number of non-traditional gender roles.
I will instruct my Legions of Terror in proper search techniques. In particular, if they are searching for escapees and someone shouts, "Quick! They went that way!", they must first ascertain the identity of this helpful informant before dashing off in hot pursuit.
If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends.
If I have the hero and his party trapped, I will not wait until my Superweapon charges to finish them off if more conventional means are available.
Whenever plans are drawn up that include a time-table, I'll post-date the completion 3 days after it's actually scheduled to occur and not worry too much if they get stolen.
I will exchange the labels on my folder of top-secret plans and my folder of family recipes. Imagine the hero's surprise when he decodes the stolen plans and finds instructions for Grandma's Potato Salad.
If I burst into rebel headquarters and find it deserted except for an odd, blinking device, I will not walk up and investigate; I'll run like hell.
Before being accepted into my Legions of Terror, potential recruits will have to pass peripheral vision and hearing tests, and be able to recognize the sound of a pebble thrown to distract them.
I will occasionally vary my daily routine and not live my life in a rut. For example, I will not always take a swig of wine or ring a giant gong before finishing off my enemy.
If I steal something very important to the hero, I will not put it on public display.
When planning an expedition, I will choose a route for my forces that does not go through thick, leafy terrain conveniently located near the rebel camp.
I will hire one hopelessly stupid and incompetent lieutenant, but make sure that he is full of misinformation when I send him to capture the hero.
As an equal-opportunity employer, I will have several hearing-impaired body-guards. That way if I wish to speak confidentially with someone, I'll just turn my back so the guards can't read my lips instead of sending all of them out of the room.
If the rebels manage to trick me, I will make a note of what they did so that I do not keep falling for the same trick over and over again.
If I am recruiting to find someone to run my computer systems, and my choice is between the brilliant programmer who's head of the world's largest international technology conglomerate and an obnoxious 15-year-old dork who's trying to impress his dream girl, I'll take the brat and let the hero get stuck with the genius.
I will plan in advance what to do with each of my enemies if they are captured. That way, I will never have to order someone to be tied up while I decide his fate.
If I have massive computer systems, I will take at least as many precautions as a small business and include things such as virus-scans and firewalls.
I will be an equal-opportunity despot and make sure that terror and oppression is distributed fairly, not just against one particular group that will form the core of a rebellion.
I will not locate a base in a volcano, cave, or any other location where it would be ridiculously easy to bypass security by rapelling down from above.
I will allow guards to operate under a flexible work schedule. That way if one is feeling sleepy, he can call for a replacement, punch out, take a nap, and come back refreshed and alert to finish out his shift.
Although it would provide amusement, I will not confess to the hero's rival that I was the one who committed the heinous act for which he blames the hero.
If I am dangling over a precipice and the hero reaches his hand down to me, I will not attempt to pull him down with me. I will allow him to rescue me, thank him properly, then return to the safety of my fortress and order his execution.
I will have my fortress exorcized regularly. Although ghosts in the dungeon provide an appropriate atmosphere, they tend to provide valuable information once placated.
I will add indelible dye to the moat. It won't stop anyone from swimming across, but even dim-witted guards should be able to figure out when someone has entered in this fashion.
If a scientist with a beautiful and unmarried daughter refuses to work for me, I will not hold her hostage. Instead, I will offer to pay for her future wedding and her children's college tuition.
If I have the hero cornered and am about to finish him off and he says "Look out behind you!!" I will not laugh and say "You don't expect me to fall for that old trick, do you?" Instead I will take a step to the side and half turn. That way I can still keep my weapon trained on the hero, I can scan the area behind me, and if anything was heading for me it will now be heading for him.
I will not outsource core functions.
If I ever build a device to transfer the hero's energy into me, I will make sure it cannot operate in reverse.
I will decree that all hay be shipped in tightly-packed bales. Any wagonload of loose hay attempting to pass through a checkpoint will be set on fire.
I will not hold any sort of public celebration within my castle walls. Any event open to members of the public will be held down the road in the festival pavilion.
Before using any device which transfers energy directly into my body, I will install a surge suppressor.
I will hire a drama coach. The hero will think it must be a case of mistaken identity when confronted by my Minnesota accent (if everyone sounds American) or my Cornwall accent (if everyone sounds British).
If I capture an enemy known for escaping via ingenious and fantastic little gadgets, I will order a full cavity search and confiscate all personal items before throwing him in my dungeon.
I will not devise any scheme in which Part A consists of tricking the hero into unwittingly helping me and Part B consists of laughing at him then leaving him to his own devices.
I will not hold lavish banquets in the middle of a famine. The good PR among the guests doesn't make up for the bad PR among the masses.
I will funnel some of my ill-gotten gains into urban renewal projects. Although slums add a quaint and picturesque quality to any city, they too often contain unexpected allies for heroes.
I will never tell the hero "Yes I was the one who did it, but you'll never be able to prove it to that incompetent old fool." Chances are, that incompetant old fool is standing behind the curtain.
If my mad scientist/wizard tells me he has almost perfected my Superweapon but it still needs more testing, I will wait for him to complete the tests. No one ever conquered the world using a beta version.
I will not appoint a relative to my staff of advisors. Not only is nepotism the cause of most breakdowns in policy, but it also causes trouble with the EEOC.
If I appoint someone as my consort, I will not subsequently inform her that she is being replaced by a younger, more attractive woman.
If I am using the hero's girlfriend as a hostage and am holding her at the point of imminent death when confronting the hero, I will focus on her and not him. He won't try anything with his true love held hostage. On the other hand, the fact that she has been weak, slow-witted, naive and generally useless up to this point has no bearing on her actions at the moment of dramatic climax.
I will make several ludicrously erroneous maps to secret passages in my fortress and hire travellers to entrust them to aged hermits.
I will not use hostages as bait in a trap. Unless you're going to use them for negotiation or as human shields, there's no point in taking them.
I will hire an expert marksman to stand by the entrance to my fortress. His job will be to shoot anyone who rides up to challenge me.
I will explain to my Legions of Terror that guns are ranged weapons and swords are not. Anyone who attempts to throw a sword at the hero or club him with a gun will be summarily executed.
I will remember that any vulnerabilities I have are to be revealed strictly on a need-to-know basis. I will also remember that no one needs to know.
I will not make alliances with those more powerful than myself. Such a person would only double-cross me in my moment of glory. I will make alliances with those less powerful than myself. I will then double-cross them in their moment of glory.
During times of peace, my Legions of Terror will not be permitted to lie around drinking mead and eating roast boar. Instead they will be required to obey my dietician and my aerobics instructor.
All giant serpents acting as guardians in underground lakes will be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries.
All crones with the ability to prophesy will be given free facelifts, permanents, manicures, and Donna Karan wardrobes. That should pretty well destroy their credibility.
I will not employ an evil wizard if he has a sleazy mustache.
I will hire an entire squad of blind guards. Not only is this in keeping with my status as an equal opportunity employer, but it will come in handy when the hero becomes invisible or douses my only light source.
All repair work will be done by an in-house maintenance staff. Any alleged "repairmen" who show up at the fortress will be escorted to the dungeon.
When my Legions of Terror park their vehicle to do reconnaissance on foot, they will be instructed to employ The Club.
Employees will have conjugal visit trailers which they may use provided they call in a replacement and sign out on the timesheet. Given this, anyone caught making out in a closet while leaving their station unmonitored will be shot.
Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good public relations for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction.
I will not, under any circumstances, marry a woman I know to be a faithless, conniving, back-stabbing witch simply because I am absolutely desperate to perpetuate my family line. Of course, we can still date.
All guest-quarters will be bugged and monitored so that I can keep track of what the visitors I have for some reason allowed to roam about my fortress are actually plotting.
If my chief engineer displeases me, he will be shot, not imprisoned in the dungeon or beyond the traps he helped design.
I will not send out batalions composed wholly of robots or skeletons against heroes who have qualms about killing living beings.
I will not wear long, heavy cloaks. While they certainly make a bold fashion statement, they have an annoying tendency to get caught in doors or tripped over during an escape.
If a malignant being demands a sacrificial victim have a particular quality, I will check to make sure said victim has this quality immediately before the sacrifice and not rely on earlier results. (Especially if the quality is virginity and the victim is the hero's girlfriend.)
If I ever MUST put a digital timer on my doomsday device, I will buy one free from quantum mechanical anomalies. So many brands on the market keep perfectly good time while you're looking at them, but whenever you turn away for a couple minutes then turn back, you find that the countdown has progressed by only a few seconds.
If my Legions of Terror are defeated in a battle, I will quietly withdraw and regroup instead of launching a haphazard mission to assassinate the hero.
If I'm wearing the key to the hero's shackles around my neck and his former girlfriend now volunteers to become my mistress and we are all alone in my bedchamber on my bed and she offers me a goblet of wine, I will politely decline the offer.
I will not pick up a glowing ancient artifact and shout "It's power is now mine!!!" Instead I will grab some tongs, transfer it to a hazardous materials container, and transport it back to my lab for study.
I will be selective in the hiring of assassins. Anyone who attempt to strike down the hero the first instant his back is turned will not even be considered for the job.
Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one. For example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be "Hmm...I think I need a shave."
My force-field generators will be located inside the shield they generate.
I reserve the right to execute any henchmen who appear to be a little too intelligent, powerful, or devious. However if I do so, I will not at some subsequent point shout "Why am I surrounded by these incompetent fools?!"
I will install a fire extinguisher in every room -- three, if the room contains vital equipment or volatile chemicals.
I will build machines which simply fail when overloaded, rather than wipe out all nearby henchmen in an explosion or worse yet set off a chain reaction. I will do this by using devices known as "surge protectors".
I will explain to my guards that most people have their eyes in the front of their heads and thus while searching for someone it makes little sense to draw a weapon and slowly back down the hallway.
All giant serpents acting as guardians in underground lakes will be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries.
All crones with the ability to prophesy will be given free facelifts, permanents, manicures, and Donna Karan wardrobes. That should pretty well destroy their credibility.
I will not employ an evil wizard if he has a sleazy mustache.
I will hire an entire squad of blind guards. Not only is this in keeping with my status as an equal opportunity employer, but it will come in handy when the hero becomes invisible or douses my only light source.
All repair work will be done by an in-house maintenance staff. Any alleged "repairmen" who show up at the fortress will be escorted to the dungeon.
When my Legions of Terror park their vehicle to do reconnaissance on foot, they will be instructed to employ The Club.
Employees will have conjugal visit trailers which they may use provided they call in a replacement and sign out on the timesheet. Given this, anyone caught making out in a closet while leaving their station unmonitored will be shot.
Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good public relations for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction.
I will not, under any circumstances, marry a woman I know to be a faithless, conniving, back-stabbing witch simply because I am absolutely desperate to perpetuate my family line. Of course, we can still date.
All guest-quarters will be bugged and monitored so that I can keep track of what the visitors I have for some reason allowed to roam about my fortress are actually plotting.
If my chief engineer displeases me, he will be shot, not imprisoned in the dungeon or beyond the traps he helped design.
I will not send out battalions composed wholly of robots or skeletons against heroes who have qualms about killing living beings.
I will not wear long, heavy cloaks. While they certainly make a bold fashion statement, they have an annoying tendency to get caught in doors or tripped over during an escape.
If a malignant being demands a sacrificial victim have a particular quality, I will check to make sure said victim has this quality immediately before the sacrifice and not rely on earlier results. (Especially if the quality is virginity and the victim is the hero's girlfriend.)
If I ever MUST put a digital timer on my doomsday device, I will buy one free from quantum mechanical anomalies. So many brands on the market keep perfectly good time while you're looking at them, but whenever you turn away for a couple minutes then turn back, you find that the countdown has progressed by only a few seconds.
If my Legions of Terror are defeated in a battle, I will quietly withdraw and regroup instead of launching a haphazard mission to assassinate the hero.
If I'm wearing the key to the hero's shackles around my neck and his former girlfriend now volunteers to become my mistress and we are all alone in my bedchamber on my bed and she offers me a goblet of wine, I will politely decline the offer.
I will not pick up a glowing ancient artifact and shout "Its power is now mine!!!" Instead I will grab some tongs, transfer it to a hazardous materials container, and transport it back to my lab for study.
I will be selective in the hiring of assassins. Anyone who attempts to strike down the hero the first instant his back is turned will not even be considered for the job.
Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one. For example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be "Hmm...I think I need a shave."
My force-field generators will be located inside the shield they generate.
I reserve the right to execute any henchmen who appear to be a little too intelligent, powerful, or devious. However if I do so, I will not at some subsequent point shout "Why am I surrounded by these incompetent fools?!"
I will install a fire extinguisher in every room -- three, if the room contains vital equipment or volatile chemicals.
I will build machines which simply fail when overloaded, rather than wipe out all nearby henchmen in an explosion or worse yet set off a chain reaction. I will do this by using devices known as "surge protectors".
I will explain to my guards that most people have their eyes in the front of their heads and thus while searching for someone it makes little sense to draw a weapon and slowly back down the hallway.
I will have a staff of competent detectives handy. If I learn that someone in a certain village is plotting against me, I will have them find out who rather than wipe out the entire village in a preemptive strike.
I will never bait a trap with genuine bait.
If the hero claims he wishes to confess in public or to me personally, I will remind him that a notarized deposition will serve just as well.
If I have several diabolical schemes to destroy the hero, I will set all of them in motion at once rather than wait for them to fail and launch them successively.
I will not procrastinate regarding any ritual granting immortality.
Mythical guardians will be instructed to ask visitors name, purpose of visit, and whether they have an appointment instead of ancient riddles.
Parts of the list don't apply to AMEN.
Life has no meanin', meatbag. Only machines 'ave significance, on a cosmic scale.
The Previous Rules really don't matter

Zephra
2007-03-14, 01:52 PM
COOL!! I've heard it before, but only upt to 100
what does AMEN stand for?

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 01:53 PM
"Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if the AMEN Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest hour.' "

((We are the Association of the Malicious, Evil, and Nefarious.))

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-14, 02:04 PM
*blink*

Wow, our 4th thread already?

Madmal
2007-03-14, 02:06 PM
*voice from roof*
you guys need to actualize the banner....

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 02:10 PM
"I have nothing to add to the reply which has already been sent."

Korith
2007-03-14, 02:29 PM
((We are the Association of the Malicious, Evil, and Nefarious.))

I prefer mine.

Castaras
2007-03-14, 02:38 PM
Wehay! Fourth thread!

Madmal
2007-03-14, 02:40 PM
watch the giddyness Cassie, you may trip over my radio...

Castaras
2007-03-14, 02:43 PM
What giddyness? I've just got a mild case of hyperness. :smallamused:

Madmal
2007-03-14, 02:48 PM
anyways, we're on the roof, so you have to take care of where do you step....i don't want my magazines spilled around...

Castaras
2007-03-14, 02:51 PM
Oh, what magazines you got?

* Grabs Pie *

Madmal
2007-03-14, 02:58 PM
Meh, usual stuff "Planewalker", "Multiversal Geographic", "Rolling Bards", "Monster Planet", "Naturecaller", "Nutcracker"...some fashion ones....

and i'm definately not hiding any unproper ones, so don't even ask...

((the tour to the roof will have to be postponed, gotta go))

Castaras
2007-03-14, 03:03 PM
(( Ok ))

Meh.

* Eats pie, looking through magazines. *

AKA_Bait
2007-03-14, 03:57 PM
*Wanders in downstairs and tacks up a sign reading RESIDENT PHILOSOPHER and then stares meaningfully at it for a while before editing it to read RESIDENT PHILOSOPHERLIAR and walking out.*

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 04:39 PM
*A non-Winston Churchill quoting clone of Magtok approaches AKA Bait.*

Identify yourself, stranger.

AKA_Bait
2007-03-14, 04:53 PM
*A slight smile coming to his face*

What an interesting challenge! Shall I do so by ostensive definition? Definition by the other? Definition in relation to an ideal form?

*Trailing off into mumbles he continues out the door*

((sorry, must go. Another time Magtok.))

Castaras
2007-03-14, 04:53 PM
A new recruit, Maggie.

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 04:58 PM
Hum... AMEN, joining would be cool, for i am Evil Muahahahahahahahaha!

Meynolds
2007-03-14, 04:59 PM
In reference to the previous thread, I believe I was hit by a crossbow bolt?

*Pulls out character sheet and makes a few changes*

Anyways, do you have a purpose?

And before I get shot, I am not a paladin.

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 05:00 PM
((Umm..okay, then. Give yourself a rank, and commit a random evil act now to prove your lack of innocence.

Hey Castaras, why is it recruits seem more likely to show up on the first page?))


Anyways, do you have a purpose?

"You ask, what is our policy? I can say: It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that we can give ourselves: to wage war for a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy.

You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: It is victory, victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory, however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival."

Castaras
2007-03-14, 05:01 PM
Hum... AMEN, joining would be cool, for i am Evil Muahahahahahahahaha!

Prove it. Manical laughter, eh? What else can you do?


And before I get shot, I am not a paladin.

<DUN DUN DUUUUUN!> :smalltongue:


Hey Castaras, why is it recruits seem more likely to show up on the first page?

I don't know, why?

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 05:06 PM
draws 2 black swords flings one at random NPC and does cool sword tricks with the other while drawing a another which ((i love 8bit)) is a sword-chuck and does cool sword tricks with that one to.

((look in sigy spoiler))

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 05:09 PM
draws 2 black swords flings one at random NPC and does cool sword tricks with the other while drawing a another which ((i love 8bit)) is a sword-chuck and does cool sword tricks with that one to.

((look in sigy spoiler))

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Saurous
2007-03-14, 05:12 PM
*Saurous wanders in, carrying the Manifestation of Happiness over his head*

Now, that we removed the speaking part of you from my brain, it's time to do something I've been planning to do for a while now.

Wh-what's that?

*They come to the staircase.*

I'm sure you've become well acquainted with the stairs.

You wouldn't dare.

Oh, would I?

*Saurous pushes Happiness down the stairs*


draws 2 black swords flings one at random NPC and does cool sword tricks with the other while drawing a another which ((i love 8bit)) is a sword-chuck and does cool sword tricks with that one to.

((look in sigy spoiler))

Sword-chucks? Bah, I've already tried that. I prefer lightsaber-chucks. Even though, I prefer to get others to use them.

*Draws the lightsaber-chucks*

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 05:17 PM
O' ya? bet they cant do this and his swords and they go trough all the sword like weapons then 10 of him appear "magic and swords how can't it go wrong?"

Castaras
2007-03-14, 05:20 PM
I'll leave you both to have fun then. Welcome to the madness, Goblin Music.

Have a pie.

* Gives Goblin Music a pie *

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 05:22 PM
mmm pie thanks and takes pie while the illusions vanish

PirateMonk
2007-03-14, 05:22 PM
PirateMonk teleports in from the old base and eats the pie.

"Yay, new base. Oh look, recruiting surge! It's okay to challenge them to single combat, right?"

Castaras
2007-03-14, 05:24 PM
Well, Goblin Music. You should be careful who you look at. Actually, look over at Magtok. :smallamused:

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 05:26 PM
*looks at magtok* hum interesting

Saurous
2007-03-14, 05:27 PM
Indeed, the pie allows you to kill one person you see by looking at them, but for some reason doesn't work on necromancers like myself.

*Keeps out of sight*

PirateMonk
2007-03-14, 05:28 PM
...But he never said he ate the pie. I took it from him and ate it myself.

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 05:28 PM
but i haven't eaten any pie! *eats some pie* Fantastic!
(Ha that was an illusion pie)

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 06:01 PM
*looks at magtok* hum interesting

Thank the gods for antimagic shields. :smalltongue:

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 06:04 PM
why eat pie to kill when i can cut with swords?

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 06:08 PM
Look, why don't you take all that anger and bloodlust to EVIL? Plenty of Good people to kill there.

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 06:10 PM
Ooo. *<_< >_> <_<* Death by swords!!

Saurous
2007-03-14, 06:12 PM
What's with the fixation to swords? Is someone compensating for something? :smallbiggrin:

Damnit, how did the Personification of Perverted Comments get out? :smallmad:

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 06:14 PM
What's with the fixation to swords? Is someone compensating for something? :smallbiggrin:

Damnit, how did the Personification of Perverted Comments get out? :smallmad:

I bribed him to make a few appearances today, Saurous. :smallamused:

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 06:14 PM
i use other weapons as well *puts swords away draws 2 revolvers*

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 06:17 PM
"When the man with a pistol meets the man with a Winchester, the man with a pistol is a dead man."

*Draws a Winchester and readies a cookie in case anyone figures out the reference. Google is allowed.*

Saurous
2007-03-14, 06:21 PM
Heh, and speaking of strange behavior, what does Saurous here see in Moon Called? It certainly isn't her personality! Eh, eh?

.....

So...it's safe to say that this guy isn't the Personification of my humor.

Aw, come on! That was funny.

Sure, it was. It was very original, too.

Really?

No. Why is it that the more intelligent Personifications never get out of my mind? I need something that doesn't crack horrible, perverted jokes every few moments, or something that doesn't want to give me a hug. :smallannoyed:

Meynolds
2007-03-14, 06:21 PM
((Fistful of Dollars))

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 06:32 PM
((Fistful of Dollars))

You get a cookie. A Castaras cookie.


Why is it that the more intelligent Personifications never get out of my mind?

Trust me, you don't want that. Logic is a heartless, cold robot with no emotion whatsoever. Reasoning is a guy who takes forever to make decisions, and Wisdom never stops giving advice nobody asked for.

PirateMonk
2007-03-14, 06:33 PM
"I am Warlord Zog, master of the SMBG pocket multiverse. I have tolerated you for too long, AMEN. Prepare for termination."

Thousands of flying saucers appear over AMEN HQ and begin bombardment.

((This alien warlord is an NPC, and will not be joining.))

Meynolds
2007-03-14, 06:35 PM
You get a cookie. A Castaras cookie.
So long as I don't eat it I should be safe.

Meynolds sips at some lemonade, which mysteriously appeared in his hand.

He watches the flying saucers.

Saurous
2007-03-14, 06:36 PM
Well, I guess you have a point. Can I at least get Perversion out of the room?

Admit it, that joke was funny. :smallamused:

No, it wasn't.

Well, at least say it was true.

It wasn't true.

Just say that it was-

*A pair of Ghasts come along, pick Perversion up, and chuck him out a window, aiming for a saucer.*

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 06:38 PM
Flying saucers? Pathetic.

*AA guns attack the saucers.*

PirateMonk
2007-03-14, 06:40 PM
Alien energy shields protect them.

"Nice try, earthling."

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 06:41 PM
Exterminate! and a flying whirl of swords shoot at the flying saucers

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 06:43 PM
Alien energy shields protect them.

"Nice try, earthling."

I'm not an earthling. The fact that you would actually assume such a thing is insulting. :smallannoyed:

...Fire the common cold at them, General Pellie.

Saurous
2007-03-14, 06:46 PM
Yes, sir...

*"Pellie" sends off the virus of the Common Cold*

AKA_Bait
2007-03-14, 06:50 PM
*wanders back in deep in conversation with a Hound Archon. AKA is totally oblivious to the AA shells and flying saucers, although the Archon seems a bit worried*

What in the name of the Gods was that?

Oh, just some bombs going off. Nothing to be concerned about.

But won't innocents be hurt by the stray fire?

Of course they will. But they will be slowly hurt by the rays of the sun and the oxygen in the air anyway. Remember our little talk about life being suffering?

Oh yeah...

And what was the upshot of that talk?

You know I still don't know that I agree...

What was it?

.... so end it as often as possible.

Right.

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 06:59 PM
Remember our little talk about life being suffering?

Oh yeah...

And what was the upshot of that talk?

You know I still don't know that I agree...

What was it?

.... so end it as often as possible.

Right.

Now that's my kind of philosphy. :smallamused:

PirateMonk
2007-03-14, 07:00 PM
Yes, sir...

*"Pellie" sends off the bacteria cells of the Common Cold*

The common cold is a virus.

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 07:02 PM
The common cold is a virus.

Either way, the aliens aren't used to our environment and air. The cold should finish them easily, just like in that old movie. :smallamused:

AKA_Bait
2007-03-14, 07:03 PM
Now that's my kind of philosphy. :smallamused:

*AKA smiles and gestures towards Magtok*

See? He agrees too.

But... but.... it goes against everything I was taught.

There are more ways of thinking than you were taught. What did we decide your teachers were last time?

Stupid.

Good. Now go tell them so. Again.

*AKA waves his hand and the Archon dissapears*

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 07:04 PM
hum. no effect from magic swords.

PirateMonk
2007-03-14, 07:04 PM
Either way, the aliens aren't used to our environment and air. The cold should finish them easily, just like in that old movie. :smallamused:

Yes they are. AMEN HQ is theoretically part of their domain. Besides, they have airtight suits.

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 07:08 PM
a dalek shoots a deathray at the saucers
then vanishes mysteriously.

PirateMonk
2007-03-14, 07:10 PM
A singe saucer is destroyed. The others continue bombardment. A heat ray hits Magtok's cloning lab, destroying most of the equipment.

AKA_Bait
2007-03-14, 07:11 PM
hum. no effect from magic swords.
*Wanders back over toward his tacked up sign, pulling a hefty leather armchair out of the inside pocket of his suit and sitting comfortably down on it.*

Magic swords... now there's something you don't see everyday.

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 07:14 PM
A singe saucer is destroyed. The others continue bombardment. A heat ray hits Magtok's cloning lab, destroying most of the equipment.

Yes! I was dying to find a way to kill so many of them all at once!

*Launches a thank-you note, written in alien blood, at the saucers.*

PirateMonk
2007-03-14, 07:14 PM
Where did you get alien blood?

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 07:15 PM
an army o' Daleks shoot at the saucers screaming Exterminate!
then vanish.

PirateMonk
2007-03-14, 07:15 PM
They miss.

Saurous
2007-03-14, 07:17 PM
Where did you get alien blood?

Perhaps he got it from the crashed ship? Or somewhere else? These guys probably are not the only "aliens" around.

Wait, wait, wait. How can they be aliens if this is their plane? The very definition of alien is being foreign and different. They can't be aliens if they come from here.


....someone is going to kill me for trying to use logic, aren't they? :smallannoyed:

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 07:17 PM
((what!?!?!?!?!? they cant miss they are Dalek the supreme being!!!)

Meynolds
2007-03-14, 07:18 PM
No I wouldn't kill you for using logic.
I will now attempt to destroy your logical mind!
One of my friends and I proved that 0=1.

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 07:21 PM
Perhaps he got it from the crashed ship? Or somewhere else? These guys probably are not the only "aliens" around.

Wait, wait, wait. How can they be aliens if this is their plane? The very definition of alien is being foreign and different. They can't be aliens if they come from here.


....someone is going to kill me for trying to use logic, aren't they? :smallannoyed:

Not me. I approve completely. They may even fly away to figure that out themselves.

By the way, the blood is from Area 51. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Area_51#Area_51_in_popular_culture)

Saurous
2007-03-14, 07:24 PM
Wow, I actually solved something without using a horrible act of violence? Huh. Maybe I should live a peaceful life from now on.

*Thinks for a moment, and then pulls out a shotgun. He shoots a nearby zombie for no real reason*

....naaaah. :smallamused:

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 07:27 PM
Death by sword!! *shoots up ad attackes the saucers with his swords again*

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2007-03-14, 07:27 PM
A floor tile explodes, sending toxic lung-inhibiting floor tile dust and grout into the air. In the place of the tile is a hole currently occupied by the head and neck of Fullbladder. He sniffs the air, as usual, and then squeezes his arms out of the hole, getting his crossbow into the open air, where things can be shot.

"I smell strange goblin," says he, peering around and then focusing on Goblin Music. "Who let him in here? He doesn't belong here. He does not suffer from delusions of grandieur!"

Following this train of thought, Fullbladder removes himself from the hole, and brushes his frock coat and tousers off.

"I mean, honestly. A man without delusions of grandieur. You can't even be sure if he's dishonest if he doesn't have delusions of grandieur!"

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-14, 07:28 PM
*returns*

Oh, god. Another goblin...

...that can't even spell or use the asterisks correctly...

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 07:29 PM
*halts relentless attack on saucers* What? *continues relentless attack on saucers*

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-14, 07:31 PM
Hmm...

Goblin Music, I challenge you to a duel!

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 07:32 PM
*halts relentless attack on saucers* why is that necessary? *continues relentless attack on saucers*

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-14, 07:33 PM
...because I want to duel you?

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 07:34 PM
*halts relentless attack on saucers* but what about these *indicates the saucers*

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-14, 07:36 PM
So? I can still take you.

*draws two scimitars*

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 07:39 PM
Sure *walks down to fus apparently not noticing gravity*

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-14, 07:42 PM
*slices Goblin Music's head off with the scimitars, then proceeds to eviscerate him numerous times, before chucking his body into an incinerator*

Your turn.

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 07:46 PM
nothing happens it is an illusion. DIE!! swords plunge in to fus' back

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 07:49 PM
*Sets up a betting booth.*

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2007-03-14, 07:50 PM
"Tell me, did either of you read your horoscopes this morning? 'Cause if you had, you'd have known to watch out for sociopathic goblins bearing enchanted crossbows."

Fullbladder looms up behind Goblin Music. With a crossbow pointed at the the musician's head. All the Goblin Music's.

Meynolds
2007-03-14, 07:51 PM
Walks up to Magtok.

I'll put a cookie on each one.

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 07:51 PM
The goblin is an illusion the swords are not.

AKA_Bait
2007-03-14, 07:56 PM
*Gets out of the armchair and goes over to Magtok's betting booth*

I'd like to place 1/3 of a bright idea on you.

Saurous
2007-03-14, 07:59 PM
*Saurous walks over to the betting booth*

I'd like to place one thousand gold on one of them winning, and one hundred gold on neither of them winning. :smallamused:

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 07:59 PM
a semi real version of fullblsders crossbow preses itself against his head Like i said magic and swords what can go wrong.

Dartonus
2007-03-14, 08:03 PM
Saurous, I left the door open on my Tyranid colony. Wait, they're all there, except for the camouflaging guy I trained to eat pants. Look out. Don't open your drawers.

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 08:06 PM
Saurous, I left the door open on my Tyranid colony. Wait, they're all there, except for the camouflaging guy I trained to eat pants. Look out. Don't open your drawers.

Technically, I don't wear pants. :smallbiggrin:

And your sig says you are the unofficial bugger of Saurous? That isn't true, that position belongs to me! And even Saurous and his moronic Happiness know it!

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2007-03-14, 08:07 PM
"Quite a bit, actually. Take Magtok for example. He dispises my Gender-related Magic, and most magic beyond Necromancy. And yet, Necromancy is the only magic that neither works for him nor on him."

A large gecko with a video camera literally part of it's head and neck crawls out of the hole Fullbladder emerged from earlier.

"This little guy is living proof of all i have just said about Magtok. Thanks to the Exclusive Camerazard Footage contained in this little lizard's neck, I've seen Magtok, being the screwy, macho cyborg that he is, try on much more..... flattering chassis."

Fullbladder shudders at the memory, then pushes a button on the lizard's camera, causing a roll of film to jettison from the creature's mouth. This, Fullbladder places on top of a booth countertop much like Magtok's, save for the poorly written "Exclusive Footage" sign written on it.

"10 cents. All your sanity can handle for just 10 cents. If Magtok wants to destroy the film, it'll cost him 5 dollah to get it from me."

AKA_Bait
2007-03-14, 08:13 PM
*Sighs, mutters something about philosophy being dead, and wanders out in the direction of EVIL*

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 08:15 PM
"10 cents. All your sanity can handle for just 10 cents. If Magtok wants to destroy the film, it'll cost him 5 dollah to get it from me."

Fine. *Offers five bucks.* Now get rid of those lies.

Raistlin1040
2007-03-14, 08:18 PM
*Cyborg ninja sneak attack*
That's what you get Magtok!

PirateMonk
2007-03-14, 08:19 PM
Perhaps he got it from the crashed ship? Or somewhere else? These guys probably are not the only "aliens" around.

Wait, wait, wait. How can they be aliens if this is their plane? The very definition of alien is being foreign and different. They can't be aliens if they come from here.


....someone is going to kill me for trying to use logic, aren't they? :smallannoyed:

This is their pocket multiverse. They come from a different subplane. Or something.

The saucers fry some of Saurous's zombies, while PirateMonk runs off to the kitchen for some reason.

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 08:23 PM
*Cyborg ninja sneak attack*
That's what you get Magtok!

*A giant black cyborg dragon somehow manages to get in the way of the attack.*

How do you like my new pet? I "borrowed" him from some space pirates. :smallamused:

Raistlin1040
2007-03-14, 08:24 PM
I like him as he is. Which is dead.

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 08:26 PM
*looks at fus* are we going to do something bout him?

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-14, 08:42 PM
*murderize the swords!!*
*sunder!*
*slice, slice, slice!*
*kill to death!!*

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2007-03-14, 08:45 PM
Fullbladder looks at the money Magtok has thrust at him.

"That's not even one dollah, you know that, right? I need dollah to give you this quality craftmanship."

Madmal
2007-03-14, 08:46 PM
*Malina pops in again*

I'm back! anything new happened around?

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2007-03-14, 08:49 PM
Fullbladder leans over to Malina, and advertises the footage of Magtok.

"That's quality blackmail right there. and i'll even give you a discount. Give me a nickel with a hole in it, and you have all the blackmail against Maggie you'll ever need."

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 08:49 PM
What? the illusion asks.

Madmal
2007-03-14, 08:56 PM
Hmmmm...sounds tempting...but since you're here, i need to ask you about your crossbow...have you updated it? it seems to have more functions besides the gender-bending one...

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 08:59 PM
Ok will you stop trying to kill me?

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2007-03-14, 08:59 PM
"What? You mean the whole 'evil sentience', and 'will to shoot people' thing? Or the fact that it actually gets a physical persona in your head, like Happiness and Feminity do in most AMEN people?"

Fullbladder ponders for a moment before continuing. "Or perhaps you found the stash of age-regressing bolts.... Those came in handy back in the day..."

Goblin Music
2007-03-14, 09:02 PM
*blink* wha?
((
Or the fact that it actually gets a physical persona in your head, like Happiness and Feminity do in most AMEN people?"?!?!?!?!?!?!))

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2007-03-14, 09:06 PM
Oooo. The Strange Goblin hasn't met Saurous yet, eh?

((I was respondin' ta Mal, you green, sword-lovin' hippy!))

Madmal
2007-03-14, 09:12 PM
"What? You mean the whole 'evil sentience', and 'will to shoot people' thing? Or the fact that it actually gets a physical persona in your head, like Happiness and Feminity do in most AMEN people?"

sentience? persona? didn't noticed that....maybe i won over its ego...
...It has age-regression?? Interesting....

alli have done now is turn Pellican into a true maid/general....and i also shot Meynolds but he seems fine....seems AMEN is not the only godmodder around...

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2007-03-14, 09:16 PM
".... That's part of the sentience thing. Sometimes it just shoots things. It's aprt of it's whole magical reloading. Sometimes the bolt is a dud."

Madmal
2007-03-14, 09:18 PM
a dud? what do you mean with that?

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2007-03-14, 09:28 PM
"Consider ythe explosive warhead. If you hit it with a hammer, it explodes. However, every now and then you'll get a warhead that DOESN'T explode when you hammer it. This is what we of the Faith--and by that I mean St. Dogbert, Patron Saint of Technology--call a dud. It applies to magic, even Iggy's magic, as well."

Lord Magtok
2007-03-14, 09:42 PM
Fullbladder looks at the money Magtok has thrust at him.

"That's not even one dollah, you know that, right? I need dollah to give you this quality craftmanship."

So I got you to admit you crafted the thing, and admit that its a hoax! :smallamused:

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2007-03-14, 11:01 PM
"'Tis no hoax, my friend. I crafted the film. Plus, I had to touch up a couple of glitches. The Camerazard is one of a kind, but even it has its.... annoying habits. Rather like a cat in some respects. Part of the film involved some very cat-like behaviors that don't need the public's scrutiny."

At this cue, the lizard ducks into a ventilation shaft.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-15, 06:15 AM
*wakes up*

Hmm...

*puts bucket filled with love potion on everyone's doors*

Korith
2007-03-15, 06:41 AM
*Casts reversal on the love potion, to cause it to affect humanoids looking at it's user, rather than the user towards humanoids it sees*

*Bathes in the reversed Love Potion*

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 08:32 AM
*wakes up* hum. coffee is needed *looks for coffee*

AKA_Bait
2007-03-15, 09:13 AM
*Stalks in, tacks a note below the RESIDENT PHILOSOPHERLIAR sign which reads THE PHILOSOLIAR IS INand plops down in his leather arm chair*

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2007-03-15, 09:24 AM
"Oh great Aristotle, Philosoliar to the Gods, what is the secret to the ancient path of nothingness? Why do Gurus like mountaintops? Is it reasonable to find on in ever-flat Saskatchewan?"

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 09:27 AM
Ah. Ah! *finds coffee* Fantastic! *starts to brew the coffee*

AKA_Bait
2007-03-15, 09:33 AM
"Oh great Aristotle, Philosoliar to the Gods, what is the secret to the ancient path of nothingness? Why do Gurus like mountaintops? Is it reasonable to find on in ever-flat Saskatchewan?"

*Looks behind him slightly scared for a moment* Aristotle what? *Seeing nothing he turns back to Fullbladder* Oh yeah, I deleted him last week. I guess I'll have to answer then.

AHEM

The secret to the ancient path of nothingness is suicide or a hell of a lot of DMT.

Gurus like mountaintops because no one asks them to bathe.

No, but there is a particularly astute trout that lives under the waterfall that the tourism board is so fond of. Or rather... there was...


http://www.sasktourism.com/images/content/homephoto_falls_349x201.jpg

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 10:02 AM
*walks out of portable home holding coffee cup* Hum. interesting *snaps fingers, the portable hole shuts*

Castaras
2007-03-15, 10:15 AM
* Carefully takes down love potion from door *

Nice try, Fus.

* Begins baking pies again. *

Korith
2007-03-15, 10:24 AM
Is it reasonable to find one in ever-flat Saskatchewan?"

High Archmage of Semantics here.

Flatness is merely perception, for in a sufficiently altered spacial topography, flatness can be arranged in any manner desireable, and be come circular, or triangular, or just plain odd.

But to simplify the matter, "Flat" is merely an element of scale on a globular surface. If you alter your sense of scale to view the earth from a distant point, you will see that the whole of it is curved, thus Saskatchewan, despite it's apparant flatness to surface natives, is not so flat as our nominal perceptions would dictate.

Failing that, get a shovel and build a mountain.

AKA_Bait
2007-03-15, 10:31 AM
High Archmage of Semantics here.

Flatness is merely perception, for in a sufficiently altered spacial topography, flatness can be arranged in any manner desireable, and be come circular, or triangular, or just plain odd.

But to simplify the matter, "Flat" is merely an element of scale on a globular surface. If you alter your sense of scale to view the earth from a distant point, you will see that the whole of it is curved, thus Saskatchewan, despite it's apparant flatness to surface natives, is not so flat as our nominal perceptions would dictate.

Failing that, get a shovel and build a mountain.

Ah yes! But remember that all things are merely perception. Including our concepts of spacial topography. Hence, although it can be rearranged as depending upon our perceptions, perceptions they still remain. Hence, it is just as flat as our perceptions dictate, for no perception has greater value than another outside of an arbitrary system which is, it self, a perception.

So, *pulls a shovel out of his inside pocket and tosses it clattering on the floor* if the concern is flatness... get digging.

Castaras
2007-03-15, 10:38 AM
Philosophy? Meh. My philosophy: Things happen, what the hell. Always works for me.

* Gets out pies *

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 10:39 AM
and for the purpose for all watching this appears as a philosophical contest BUT in theory it is in a manner of speaking a debate on which you are just annoying me, or so it seams and you are actualy having a contest there for it is amusement and we should have popcorn.

Castaras
2007-03-15, 10:43 AM
I really need to reinforce my skull with titanium rods...might stop my head from imploding...

* Wanders off *

AKA_Bait
2007-03-15, 10:48 AM
and for the purpose for all watching this appears as a philosophical contest BUT in theory it is in a manner of speaking a debate on which you are just annoying me, or so it seams and you are actualy having a contest there for it is amusement and we should have popcorn.

Ah, but remember the old adage: beat a man horrifically with a stick and he will hurt until the next cure spell. Horribly twist his mind and he'll suffer forever. In this case, the sufferer is you and the amusement is for me.

*pulls a bowl of popcorn out of his inside pocket and begins munching*

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 10:54 AM
No for the way some philosophers do things, like running trough streets naked just to right things down, get paid with soap and bath tubs. i despise them and i am no philosopher (have you read Small Gods?)

Castaras
2007-03-15, 10:57 AM
(( Small Gods, Terry Pratchett? Awesome book. ))

Hey, where'd my head go?

AKA_Bait
2007-03-15, 11:08 AM
No for the way some philosophers do things, like running trough streets naked just to right things down, get paid with soap and bath tubs. i despise them and i am no philosopher (have you read Small Gods?)

That's nice. Neither am I.

*points at the sign*

Philosophers are silly and think what they say actually means something. It's much more entertaining to do it just to hurt people.

((My favorite pratchett novel, other than Good Omens))

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-15, 11:40 AM
*walks outside*
*CLANG!*

Ow. I knew I shouldn't have put a bucket on my door, too...

Castaras
2007-03-15, 11:42 AM
Oh dear. :smalleek:

* Hides *

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-15, 11:43 AM
*eyes flicker open*
How did I get on the roof?
*begins wandering around with eyes closed again*

Korith
2007-03-15, 11:46 AM
Ah yes! But remember that all things are merely perception. Including our concepts of spacial topography. Hence, although it can be rearranged as depending upon our perceptions, perceptions they still remain. Hence, it is just as flat as our perceptions dictate, for no perception has greater value than another outside of an arbitrary system which is, it self, a perception.

So, *pulls a shovel out of his inside pocket and tosses it clattering on the floor* if the concern is flatness... get digging.

Ah, but where the borders of perception are breached is where things get interesting. Concepts, such as object permanance, arise from the refining of one's interpretation of their perceptions. Ultimately, perceptions arrive at a point where environmental elements can be predicted, but not controlled. This indicates an element of existence which is independent of our perceptions and is simultaneously imperceptable (we do not see what yet will be, but what shall come may be known to us from what has already passed).

Still, I think watching someone building a mountain with a shovel would be pleasing to my senses, so I'm still in favour of that particular methodology.

Castaras
2007-03-15, 11:50 AM
Phew.

* Dashes for kitchen, slamming door behind *

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-15, 11:56 AM
*walks into kitchen*

I don't think anyone's in he-

*cartoony hearts*

Castaras
2007-03-15, 11:58 AM
Crap.

* Gets out of the kitchen *

AKA_Bait
2007-03-15, 12:01 PM
Ah, but where the borders of perception are breached is where things get interesting. Concepts, such as object permanance, arise from the refining of one's interpretation of their perceptions. [Etc. etc. etc]

Still, I think watching someone building a mountain with a shovel would be pleasing to my senses, so I'm still in favour of that particular methodology.

Ah but even the notation of regularity is but another perception. In order for us to grant that it gives other things greater existential weight it's own must first be established. To be generous, lets say that regularity of a perception is good enough to do that. Even so, the perception of regularity must be time extended and whole, and as such, not regular itself. Thus, no object permanance is really established. Furthermore, I don't grant that regularity of perception gives greater existential weight.

But yes, that would be amusing. We really ought to find someone to do that for us. Humm...

*Waves a hand and a Hound Archon appears*

Get digging Jimmy.

What?

You are building me a mountain with that shovel. Say... over there *points*

You know, the elders beat me last night for listening to you.

*shrugs* What nice people they must be. What is life?

Suffering...

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 12:05 PM
*Heads to secret armory of large firearms.*

Fus. will never find me here! And if he somehow does, I'm ready.

*Loads 12-gauge shotgun.*

Hehehe.

Korith
2007-03-15, 12:08 PM
Ah but even the notation of regularity is but another perception. In order for us to grant that it gives other things greater existential weight it's own must first be established. To be generous, lets say that regularity of a perception is good enough to do that. Even so, the perception of regularity must be time extended and whole, and as such, not regular itself. Thus, no object permanance is really established. Furthermore, I don't grant that regularity of perception gives greater existential weight.

But yes, that would be amusing. We really ought to find someone to do that for us. Humm...

*Waves a hand and a Hound Archon appears*

Get digging Jimmy.

What?

You are building me a mountain with that shovel. Say... over there *points*

You know, the elders beat me last night for listening to you.

*shrugs* What nice people they must be. What is life?

Suffering...

I knew you'd say something like that, so I dismiss you as a mere perception.

And I'm going to make pi = 12 around me by curving space moreso than normal.

AKA_Bait
2007-03-15, 12:27 PM
I knew you'd say something like that, so I dismiss you as a mere perception.

And I'm going to make pi = 12 around me by curving space moreso than normal.

Fair enough. I allow my perceptions some leeway in what they choose to believe. I am a solipsist after all. Enjoy!

*He sits back and contentedly watches Jimmy the Hound Archon creating a mound of dirt*

Saurous
2007-03-15, 02:43 PM
*Wanders out of his room.*

I sense far too much philisophical rambling out her- Whoa!

*CLANG!*

How, in the names of the Hells, did I fall for that? :smallannoyed:

Blindfold, please.

Castaras
2007-03-15, 02:44 PM
Oh look. Fus managed to get two people - Himself and Saurous.

* Stays in hiding *

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 02:46 PM
A blind fold ties itself around Saurous' head covering his eyes.

Saurous
2007-03-15, 02:47 PM
*Wraps a blindfold around his head*

Wait, this was Fus' trap?


.....

*Violent twitch*

Korith
2007-03-15, 02:49 PM
*Blows up a rock*

Castaras
2007-03-15, 02:50 PM
*Wraps a blindfold around his head*

Wait, this was Fus' trap?


.....

*Violent twitch*

Aye. I'm glad I was ready for such traps. I'm also glad I have a blindfold on me just in case.

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 02:51 PM
Ah. i see *invisibility spell*

Saurous
2007-03-15, 02:52 PM
The sensors on my door seem to have stopped working.

Oh, and this bucket still has some liquid in it.

*Snaps his fingers, and the remant of the potion appears in the air directly above Castaras. It falls on top of her*

Castaras
2007-03-15, 02:54 PM
* Gets drenched *

...crap. Guess who I've just seen.

* Cartoony love hearts *

Saurous
2007-03-15, 02:56 PM
PleasebeFusorMusicpleasebefusormusicpleasebefusorm usic...

*Jumps up into the rafters.*

Castaras
2007-03-15, 02:59 PM
* Glances at mirror *

I'm tempted to say yes, it was Saurous. But that would be cruel on me as well. No, it wasn't you. It wasn't Music. It wasn't Fus.

* Attacks love hearts *

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 02:59 PM
who have you seen?

Saurous
2007-03-15, 03:00 PM
Ooooo....was it Korith? :smallamused:

Wait, cruel to yourself? I'm not a completely horrible person...

Madmal
2007-03-15, 03:01 PM
Hello all, did something happened while i was gone? oh, silly me, of course it has...so...what was it?

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 03:01 PM
i am invisible

Castaras
2007-03-15, 03:03 PM
No. I saw that damned mirror.

* Picks up mirror and smashes it *

Don't even know how powerful this potion is against drow...

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 03:05 PM
whew i thought it was worse.
@Malmagor love potion traps.

Saurous
2007-03-15, 03:06 PM
Well, then. I guess I don't have to worry about it then.

*Falls back down from the cieling, and hits his face on one of the pillars*

Ouch. Damned blindfold.

Madmal
2007-03-15, 03:06 PM
*covers BM's face*
Shhhh!!! don't call him!! he's tired and wants to take a nap!!!

Well, then. I guess I don't have to worry about it then.

*Falls back down from the cieling, and hits his face on one of the pillars*

Ouch. Damned blindfold.

Saurous, what were you doing on the roof? i hope you didn't touched my magazine stash...

Castaras
2007-03-15, 03:09 PM
* Destroys mirrors *

Now I should be safe unless someone mumble mumble mumble.

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 03:10 PM
(@Malmagor: Invisible GM is invisible supposing the B was a typo)
(http://www.giantitp.com/forums/member.php?u=9912)

AKA_Bait
2007-03-15, 03:15 PM
*smiling at the pile of dirt now taller than he is*

Ok. You can go now.

Sheesh. Thanks.

That's the spirit!

*waves hand, Jimmy the Archon vanishes*

So what's this about doors trapped with love potions?

Saurous
2007-03-15, 03:30 PM
*covers BM's face*
Shhhh!!! don't call him!! he's tired and wants to take a nap!!!


Saurous, what were you doing on the roof? i hope you didn't touched my magazine stash...

Actually, I was just hiding in the rafters away from Castaras until the potion wore off.

*Saurous says all of this, facing in the direction away from Mal*

Madmal
2007-03-15, 03:37 PM
put the blindfold on, i don't want MC attempting to chop me off...it's annoying...

Castaras
2007-03-15, 03:44 PM
That was why it would be painful for me. I know how inventive drow girls can get with their tortures.

* Bring! Bring! *

Oh wait a second.

* Picks up mobile *

Hello? Oh Moon, it's you! Why'd you call now of all times? Uhuh. Uhuh. Yeh. Ok.

* Puts mobile down *

Hey, the Moon Called just to say that they had a supply of potions for all purposes.

Deathcow
2007-03-15, 03:51 PM
That was why it would be painful for me. I know how inventive drow girls can get with their tortures.

* Bring! Bring! *

Oh wait a second.

* Picks up mobile *

Hello? Oh Moon, it's you! Why'd you call now of all times? Uhuh. Uhuh. Yeh. Ok.

* Puts mobile down *

Hey, the Moon Called just to say that they had a supply of potions for all purposes.

"That's no moon! That's a space station!"

Castaras
2007-03-15, 03:53 PM
"That's no moon! That's a space station!"

Not more quotes...:smallannoyed:

But seriously, "Space station called" isn't as good a joke as "Moon called". :smalltongue:

Psyke_D
2007-03-15, 03:53 PM
Yeah.. Im wondering, i've been gone for quite a long time, and even though i have been... Not myself.. i have done more to conquer the world and drench it in eternal dakrness that all of you have? All you managed to do was to get some pesky paladins to create a fan club?

Well, il go have some fun with my pixies, limited as that is with their frail health. Tell me when you feel like horribly murdering someone else than ourselfs, and i suppose i could lend a dark and very evil hand.

Saurous
2007-03-15, 03:53 PM
put the blindfold on, i don't want MC attempting to chop me off...it's annoying...

That's why I already have the blindfold on. I'd probably end up slaughtered, also. :smallannoyed:



That was why it would be painful for me. I know how inventive drow girls can get with their tortures.

* Bring! Bring! *

Oh wait a second.

* Picks up mobile *

Hello? Oh Moon, it's you! Why'd you call now of all times? Uhuh. Uhuh. Yeh. Ok.

* Puts mobile down *

Hey, the Moon Called just to say that they had a supply of potions for all purposes.

The moon called me yesterday, and told me that MC wouldn't like this joke. But, I'm going to crack this joke, anyways.


Yeah.. Im wondering, i've been gone for quite a long time, and even though i have been... Not myself.. i have done more to conquer the world and drench it in eternal dakrness that all of you have? All you managed to do was to get some pesky paladins to create a fan club?

Well, il go have some fun with my pixies, limited as that is with their frail health. Tell me when you feel like horribly murdering someone else than ourselfs, and i suppose i could lend a dark and very evil hand.

I conquered R'lyeh yesterday, but Cthulhu managed to escape before I could control him. That destroys the point of capturing R'lyeh, really.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-15, 04:00 PM
*gives Castaras many boxes of chocolates and roses*

Rex Idiotarum
2007-03-15, 04:01 PM
Psyke D, I spread torment one person at a time. And so far it's gotten me infamy here. See for yourself. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37162)

Conquering the world in darkness? Not in here, but we have had substantial meetings in the secret place. I've all but dominated Friendly Banter, and I'm sure the others are on to something.

Heck, the standard Forum greeting includes, "Avoid the psycho on the pogostick"

Deathcow
2007-03-15, 04:04 PM
...and all that while strapped onto a pogostick in a padded cell. Impressive, no?

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 04:06 PM
*GM goes visible* hum.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-15, 04:06 PM
And upon realising...


HAHAHAHA! Saurous fell for MY trap!

Castaras
2007-03-15, 04:06 PM
*gives Castaras many boxes of chocolates and roses*

Aww, thanks. :smallsmile:

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 04:08 PM
So did you you fell for your trap aswhel

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 04:13 PM
Psyke D, I spread torment one person at a time. And so far it's gotten me infamy here. See for yourself. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37162)

Conquering the world in darkness? Not in here, but we have had substantial meetings in the secret place. I've all but dominated Friendly Banter, and I'm sure the others are on to something.

Heck, the standard Forum greeting includes, "Avoid the psycho on the pogostick"

I have my own plans outside this particular part of the playground as well. Psyke D, I'd like some physical evidence of your previous evil deeds.

Everyone, I'm going to need a few Ing, a Metroid, a captured Space Pirate scientist, and the T-Rex from Jurassic Park 1. Don't ask why. Just help me get some of it, and I may or may not consider rewarding those who lend me aid.

Saurous
2007-03-15, 04:15 PM
And upon realising...


HAHAHAHA! Saurous fell for MY trap!

You fell for your own trap. Now, shut up. I could have avoided it if I felt like it. :smallannoyed:


I think I have a few metroids, Magtok. But, what would you be willing to pay for them?

Castaras
2007-03-15, 04:25 PM
I have my own plans outside this particular part of the playground as well. Psyke D, I'd like some physical evidence of your previous evil deeds.

Everyone, I'm going to need a few Ing, a Metroid, a captured Space Pirate scientist, and the T-Rex from Jurassic Park 1. Don't ask why. Just help me get some of it, and I may or may not consider rewarding those who lend me aid.

I can get a T-Rex easily.

* T-Rex appears through sparkling portal *

Now then, mister...

* Whispers to T Rex *

Rex Idiotarum
2007-03-15, 04:27 PM
*Rex peers into the portal to find himself with his arms straight out make a "T" shape.*

Odd.

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 04:30 PM
Yes odd but interesting

Psyke_D
2007-03-15, 04:30 PM
*clear a table and empties the content of a large bag onto it*

This is some of my favourite trophies, the rest of them are still being unloaded in my private quarters. Nice touch painting the walls pink by the way, i guess Ayya decided that she could paint just as well as anyone..

Now, look at some of the stuff i've got:
In this bottle, i've got Celine dions Soul, which she sold to me in exchange for eternal life. Part of the deal was that she promised to keep on making music.

This here, is a homeburned DVD with Teletubbies. U remember that cavalcade on TV, an entire week with nothing but Teletubbies on? That was me.

This suit is made from the skin of the toothfairy. Also, i've made a deal with a mindflayer, everytime a kid puts a tooth under their pillow, the mindflayer gets to eat 1/10 of the kids brain.

Well, i well let you go through rest of the stuff, if there is a trophy you dont understand, feel free to ask..

Castaras
2007-03-15, 04:32 PM
This here, is a homeburned DVD with Teletubbies. U remember that cavalcade on TV, an entire week with nothing but Teletubbies on? That was me.

Wait, Teletubbies? :smalleek:

That is seriously cruel, Psyke. How could you do this to everyone? Too evil for words. Congratulations. :smallamused:

Dartonus
2007-03-15, 04:39 PM
Hey Saurous, I found the Tyranid Lictor! and it only ate half your wardrobe, too!

Saurous
2007-03-15, 04:41 PM
*clear a table and empties the content of a large bag onto it*

This is some of my favourite trophies, the rest of them are still being unloaded in my private quarters. Nice touch painting the walls pink by the way, i guess Ayya decided that she could paint just as well as anyone..

<Snippyness>

This here, is a homeburned DVD with Teletubbies. U remember that cavalcade on TV, an entire week with nothing but Teletubbies on? That was me.

<Snipped>

Well...wait, the walls are pink? Ayya has been busy lately. Even if she is never around.


And the Teletubbies are a pack of twisted and malformed creatures that only wish to snuff out all light of the surface world and turn the occupants into demonic minions and slaves to do their bidding. Do we have any Teletubbies? We need some creatures that are that twisted. Other than Rex.

Rex Idiotarum
2007-03-15, 04:44 PM
Well, it's not suppose to be a competition, but you're still welcome here.

Listen, if you want to earn your keep in this domain, do something in this domain.
Choose one:
Become an evil God in town, conversely murder 28 NPCs and 3 PC.
Become the next TLN in Gaming
Contribute 30 items to OOTS style House of Horrors, one of which must remain present in your sig.
Run at least 5 Fan Clubs for random NPCs in OOTS, each one must recruit at least 5 people.
Earn yourself a boatload of Infamy, your name should be feared. Conversely, create keywords that can inspire horrors upon groups of people: IE, here I can mention "The Magtok Song" or in RB and SMBG I can mention, "That zombie Avatar"
Join >6 PbP games and play as either a Munchkin, Ruleslawyer, or Drizzt Clone. In non-evil games, play as evil as possible, but claim that you are just "Chaotic Nuetral, like Belkar"
Or any others that some can think of

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 04:45 PM
You fell for your own trap. Now, shut up. I could have avoided it if I felt like it. :smallannoyed:


I think I have a few metroids, Magtok. But, what would you be willing to pay for them?

How about the armor Miss Aran once wore before she...passed away due to...natural causes. If murderous machines could be considered "natural"

Will that suffice? Now, I'm going to go hijack a Space Pirate ship and capture one of their sadistic Science Team men. Don't touch any of my stuff while I'm gone. That isn't an order, its a warning. Touch anything of mine, and you'll regret it. And so will I.

On an unrelated note, I reccomend we all stop mentioning Ayya. She's gone. Live with it. Banish the ICBINAs if you have to. Just forget all your sick fantasies about her, and let her be forgotten like Mauril, danielf, and PirateMonk.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-15, 04:45 PM
Did someone say "Ing"?

*opens up dark portal, and many Workers, Hunters, and some Dark Metroids jump/fly/slither out*

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2007-03-15, 04:45 PM
"I dn't get television. I have my god-forged radio, as well as a miniature Iggy 9000 (http://theradiogame.smackjeeves.com/comics/21569/) as my entire tele-broadcast entertainment."

Fullbladder opens a random door, revealing a table upon which a common, old-fashion radio sits. It is on, and apparently an old Star Trek: The Next Generation soap opera is on. It runs a little like this:--

"Oh, Locutus! Marry me!"
"I cannot, Borg Queen. You see, I am not Locutus. I am his goodly half-brother, PICARD!"
"GASP!"
"And Data is flooding the area with flesheating gas!"
"Oh god no!"
"Yes! But we'll always have Paris...."
".... We never went to Paris."

Behind it is a massive screen, under which is the word "Iggy 9000", as well as a crude characature of a Black Mage sprite with the caption "Striker wuz heer" above it.

Dartonus
2007-03-15, 04:59 PM
I begin playing Legend of Zelda: twilight princess on a nearby TV.

Psyke_D
2007-03-15, 05:02 PM
I do not need to earn my keep. I dont even have a need to be recognized as evil. I'm completely assured in my own evilness, and if you do not believe me.. Well, who cares?

But sure, if u need to do all those things to assure your own mental disturbing'ness, its fine. Im just not gonna force anything upon myself, im gonna disturb and torture people because I feel like it, not because society dictates it due to the fact that i have the title of Evil mastermind.

Dartonus
2007-03-15, 05:05 PM
*Makes Link kill zelda, don't ask how.*

Saurous
2007-03-15, 05:21 PM
*Saurous glances around the room, and slides Destroy All Humans! into the Playstation 2.*

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-15, 05:56 PM
Well, everyone else is playing video games, so...

*grabs NES and starts playing Mega Man 2*

Damn you, Metal Man!

Saurous
2007-03-15, 06:12 PM
*Suddenly realizes how hard it is to play video games while blindfolded.*

Well, that sucks. I'd prefer not falling in love with Crypto, though. How did I glance around the room?

*He shrugs, and tries to think of something to do when he can't see.*

Rex Idiotarum
2007-03-15, 06:16 PM
*Rex plays his invisible X-Box.*
((he appears to be staring off into space screaming that he keeps dying))

Dartonus
2007-03-15, 06:28 PM
*Writes list of escape methods for Krall to get out of jail*

PirateMonk
2007-03-15, 06:49 PM
Nice touch painting the walls pink by the way, i guess Ayya decided that she could paint just as well as anyone..


No, that's just the ICBINAs. I've been hiring them to do interior decorating for a while now. I also taught them to make Twister mats indelibly painted on the floor, walls, and Saurous's chest that only CE Barbarians like myself or Ayya can see.


How about the armor Miss Aran once wore before she...passed away due to...natural causes. If murderous machines could be considered "natural"

Will that suffice? Now, I'm going to go hijack a Space Pirate ship and capture one of their sadistic Science Team men. Don't touch any of my stuff while I'm gone. That isn't an order, its a warning. Touch anything of mine, and you'll regret it. And so will I.

On an unrelated note, I reccomend we all stop mentioning Ayya. She's gone. Live with it. Banish the ICBINAs if you have to. Just forget all your sick fantasies about her, and let her be forgotten like Mauril, danielf, and PirateMonk.

And Psyke_D.


*Writes list of escape methods for Krall to get out of jail*

That's highly illegal. <Burns the list>

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 06:56 PM
*Saurous glances around the room, and slides Destroy All Humans! into the Playstation 2.*

In my opinion, the sequel wasn't nearly as funny as the first game.


Well, that sucks. I'd prefer not falling in love with Crypto, though.

That would be creepy. Especially due to the lack of Furon...genitalia. And the kinky ways Psychokinesis could be used. :smalltongue:

Hmm...since you can't play videogames right now...

*Steals the PS2 controller, and removes DAH! and puts The Godfather in instead.*

Saurous
2007-03-15, 06:59 PM
Eh, I dislike that game, anyways.

*Saurous wanders off, and then comes back a few minutes later, grinning slightly. He sits down at the computer, and opens up Republic Commando*

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 07:02 PM
Eh, I dislike that game, anyways.

*Saurous wanders off, and then comes back a few minutes later, grinning slightly. He sits down at the computer, and opens up Republic Commando*

Either you have a fetish for Fett clones, or you somehow learned to play that game with a blindfold. :smalleek:

Saurous
2007-03-15, 07:05 PM
Well, I somehow figured out how to use a keyboard and mouse easier than with a controller, for some odd reason. And, this game is so easy to me, I can literally play it blindfolded. :smallbiggrin:

And, I'm grinning because a few people may end up with a few surprises later. You and Moon, specifically.

Dartonus
2007-03-15, 07:13 PM
Well, piratemonk, the list worked! plan # 47: kill self to get back to abyss
was the lucky one.

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 07:18 PM
Well, I somehow figured out how to use a keyboard and mouse easier than with a controller, for some odd reason. And, this game is so easy to me, I can literally play it blindfolded. :smallbiggrin:

And, I'm grinning because a few people may end up with a few surprises later. You and Moon, specifically.

:smalleek: I consider that reason enough to leave and go get that Space Pirate scientist now.

*Leaves via an X-wing with a black and red paint job.*

Saurous
2007-03-15, 07:21 PM
*A small, black, triangular device floats around in the X-wing*

Greeting: Hello, half-meatbag.

Rex Idiotarum
2007-03-15, 07:26 PM
http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n291/rexidiotarum/pogopirate.gif
(http://cristgaming.com/pirate.swf)

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 07:35 PM
*A small, black, triangular device floats around in the X-wing*

Greeting: Hello, half-meatbag.

Hello. Who would you be? :smallconfused:

*Arms proton torpedoes as a precaution.*

Saurous
2007-03-15, 07:36 PM
Assurance: Oh, just a creature that cannot cause any real harm to you. Well, not phsyical damage, anyway.

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 07:38 PM
Assurance: Oh, just a creature that cannot cause any real harm to you. Well, not phsyical damage, anyway.

Hmm...it seems...oddly familiar. Maybe its of the HK series?

Were you sent by the necromancer Saurous, and if so, is there some sort of mental torment you have planned for me? :smallannoyed:

*Prepares to make the jump to hyperspace.*

Saurous
2007-03-15, 07:42 PM
Confused Query: Who is Saurous? I'm simply here to show you this.

*It floats over, and clamps onto Magtok's head.*

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 07:47 PM
I'm sorry, but what are you doing? And might I suggest you detach yourself at once? I don't take kindly to such rude clampings.

Saurous
2007-03-15, 08:00 PM
Statement: No, I don't think I will, half-meatbag.

*It then proceeds to insert several images into Magtok's mind. It inserts almost all of the perverted jokes and horrible mental images that have come along over the time since AMEN was created. It finishes with a file similar to the Directors Cut in the OOTS house of horrors, only replacing Miko and Belkar with Magtok and Malina.*

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 08:10 PM
Good gods, did I really come up with all this myself? I AM amazing. :smallbiggrin:

*Gets to the end.*

:smalleek: Must...erase memories! The mouthwash is all the way back at the base...:smalleek:

*Opens cockpit, jumps into space, and dies.*

Saurous
2007-03-15, 08:24 PM
Wow, that actually worked. Well, I just figured out my best torture device to date. :smallamused:

Now, I just need to wait for the other event to occur, and I'll have completed my plans for the day.

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 08:28 PM
Wow, that actually worked. Well, I just figured out my best torture device to date. :smallamused:

Now, I just need to wait for the other event to occur, and I'll have completed my plans for the day.

That clone, despite the fact that he was otherwise perfect, had a mental disorder making him incredibly prone to even te slightest bit of kinky. And you had to go and kill him. :smallmad:

*Climbs in an identical X-Wing, and goes off to retrieve the other, and kidnap that Space Pirate.*

Saurous
2007-03-15, 08:29 PM
That clone, despite the fact that he was otherwise perfect, had a mental disorder making him incredibly prone to even te slightest bit of kinky. And you had to go and kill him. :smallmad:

*Climbs in an identical X-Wing, and goes off to retrieve the other, and kidnap that Space Pirate.*

Well, I didn't see that coming. [/sarcasm] :smallannoyed:

Madmal
2007-03-15, 08:32 PM
ya know, i take offense at that...:smallannoyed:

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 08:38 PM
Well, I didn't see that coming. [/sarcasm]

You know I never do anything in person, Saurous. Since when did I? Even when I use dark red, bolded text, it's still a clone. The closest anyone has ever come to actually seeing my true form was that one incident with a maggot that your sweetheart ad the kindness to eviscerate.

Even when I claimed to have been in the form of the True, that was a clever lie to improve morale, and get people in the mood to attack EVIL.

*Gets other X-wing and Space Pirate and comes back.*

*Stuffs Space Pirate in a closet with a Metroid and an Ing, and telekinetically moves the dinosaur into a testing lab.*

If you REALLY want to scar someone, drink a love potion and wander around without a blindfold. Just make sure I'm locked away in my room first.


ya know, i take offense at that...

Nothing personal, I'm just not interested in GB personalities. Too risky the original gender might bend back an cause an incredibly awkward moment.

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 08:39 PM
Hum. *vanishes*

Madmal
2007-03-15, 08:43 PM
Nothing personal, I'm just not interested in GB personalities. Too risky the original gender might bend back an cause an incredibly awkward moment.

That was directed at Saurous, you're quite funny and you can show a sweet side when forced to it by a potion, but you're not my type:smallwink:

Nekulor
2007-03-15, 08:47 PM
*Nekulor walks in, finally completing his 300 undead Spartans that now serve as his body guards. He seems in a rather foul mood, indicated by the fact he decapitated the guards on the way in.*

Saurous
2007-03-15, 08:49 PM
ya know, i take offense at that...:smallannoyed:

I was not attempting to personally offend you, I was just trying to find someone to pair Magtok up with in that video. I thought about Castaras, but for some reason didn't put that there, nor did I use Ayya. Even though that would be fairly mentally scarring. And, I didn't you MC for obvious reasons. I was running out of females to put in at that point.

Nothing personal, just trying to find something to scar the weaker Magtok clones with.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-15, 08:52 PM
http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n291/rexidiotarum/pogopirate.gif
(http://cristgaming.com/pirate.swf)

Hey! That's Robby's Pirate Song!

Madmal
2007-03-15, 08:53 PM
I was not attempting to personally offend you, I was just trying to find someone to pair Magtok up with in that video. I thought about Castaras, but for some reason didn't put that there, nor did I use Ayya. Even though that would be fairly mentally scarring. And, I didn't you MC for obvious reasons. I was running out of females to put in at that point.

Nothing personal, just trying to find something to scar the weaker Magtok clones with.

may i illuminate you with one word?

Regina

Saurous
2007-03-15, 08:56 PM
may i illuminate you with one word?

Regina

...son of a-!

How in the Hell did I forget about Regina? That would have possibly sent the True Magtok spiraling further into insanity!

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 08:57 PM
That was directed at Saurous, you're quite funny and you can show a sweet side when forced to it by a potion, but you're not my type:smallwink:

That wasn't a "sweet side." That was magical intoxication, and a foolish clone. I'm half of a cold, heartless machine, and the other half is evil, the desire to rule, and sadism. I HAVE NO SWEET SIDE. Just to prove it, I'm going to let the different aspects of me run free.
*Lets them all out. The body they all emerged from drops dead, and each one wears clothing matching their speech color.*

Logic is present.

Anger is armed and ready.

Sadism is here, and shall be heading to the interrogation room shortly.

Power-lust/Discipline, repritng for duty, SIR!

Self-Pity/Depression here, and I'll be in the corner if anyone needs me. Not that anyone will. :smallfrown:

Wisdom/Intelligence/Philosophy is at this location and time, according to our perception of reality

All the brighter emotions died on the way here. I am the Shadow.

Madmal
2007-03-15, 08:57 PM
Meh, what can i say, Creativity is pretty twisted....

Nekulor
2007-03-15, 09:02 PM
*Nekulor walks up and ninjas the shadow.*

Lord Magtok
2007-03-15, 09:05 PM
*The ninja attack merely passes through The Shadow.*

I am merely a small bit of each and every dark emotion of Magtok. This physical form you see before you is merely a personification of an abstract idea.

Nekulor
2007-03-15, 09:06 PM
*Nekulor casts Anti-abstraction on the shadow, then stabs it.*

Madmal
2007-03-15, 09:09 PM
*Nekulor casts Anti-abstraction on the shadow, then stabs it.*
:smallconfused:
now that was a stupid action....are you related to PM?

Rex Idiotarum
2007-03-15, 09:11 PM
http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n291/rexidiotarum/pogo-girl1.gif+http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n291/rexidiotarum/Magtok1.gif
Forever <3

Saurous
2007-03-15, 09:12 PM
Meh, what can i say, Creativity is pretty twisted....

Indeed. :smalleek:

Should we run for the hills? Magtok has unleashed his emotions.

Yes, most certainly.
Why don't we just try and help hi-

No, we won't, Happiness.

Aww...
Let's beat the crap out of them! :smallfurious:
Man, we're all going to die... :smallfrown:
You see, if you look at this from a scientific standpoint, we can see why Magtok is going through this, and we can find out how to fix it.
...by killing them?
No, you idiotic boob. He means that we simply need to find out how we can keep Magtok's emotions in one place. It's simple, if you think about it.

....this was a horrible idea. Personifications! Form up!

Sir!
Sir!
I still don't see why we can-
...yes, sir.
Sir!
Sir!

Alright. So we have Sanity, Happiness/Love, Fury/Violence, Depression, Perversion/Humor, and Intellect....

...where the heck is Sarcasm/Sadism?

I believe you represent Sadism by yourself, Saurous.

Ah, that works then.

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-15, 09:18 PM
That wasn't a "sweet side." That was magical intoxication, and a foolish clone. I'm half of a cold, heartless machine, and the other half is evil, the desire to rule, and sadism. I HAVE NO SWEET SIDE. Just to prove it, I'm going to let the different aspects of me run free.
*Lets them all out. The body they all emerged from drops dead, and each one wears clothing matching their speech color.*

Logic is present.

Anger is armed and ready.

Sadism is here, and shall be heading to the interrogation room shortly.

Power-lust/Discipline, repritng for duty, SIR!

Self-Pity/Depression here, and I'll be in the corner if anyone needs me. Not that anyone will. :smallfrown:

Wisdom/Intelligence/Philosophy is at this location and time, according to our perception of reality

All the brighter emotions died on the way here. I am the Shadow.

Ooh! I want to do that!

*pop!*

*six aspects jump out of the now dead body*

Murderousness!
Insanity!
Evilness!
Lust!
Cunning!
Magic!

Wait, where's Common Sense?
Oh, didn't you hear? He passed away awhile ago; Insanity is taking his place.
Waaahahahahooo!
Shut it, Insanity.

Madmal
2007-03-15, 09:29 PM
*yawn*
i'm not even gonna bother evacuating the Metropolis that is my mind to resolve this sillyness....you figure out by yourselves

Saurous
2007-03-15, 09:56 PM
*Yawn*

How is it that it is capable of quieting so abruptly around here? It's surprising how fast that happens...:smallannoyed:

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-15, 10:28 PM
Hey, Saurous, think fast!

*lobs grenade at head*

Saurous
2007-03-15, 10:34 PM
*Saurous catches the grenade, and lobs it into Fus's room.*

Well, I thought fast. :smallamused:

Goblin Music
2007-03-15, 10:36 PM
*reappears* What in the world is going on here?

Fus.Weapon 1337
2007-03-16, 12:01 AM
Wow, you just threw an "unlit" grenade into my room.
Yeah, hahahaha! What's that going to do?
Why don't I ever get a chance to speak up?
Lust, you shut up too! You're supposed to be the aspect that's firmly rooted into the back of our mind!
Ok...
Why do YOU always get to be boss, Evil? I say, en guarde!

*evil and murderousness swordfight time!

Castaras
2007-03-16, 11:23 AM
Wait, multiple personalities? I don't think I have any... one sec.

* Takes clone's brain and pokes and prods it. *

Hmm... I can't see any multiple personalities. Might be doing something wrong. Not made to be a doctor or something.

* Puts brain back in clone *

Goblin Music
2007-03-16, 11:26 AM
*walks out of room holding a cup of coffee* Ah! morning / afternoon.

Korith
2007-03-16, 11:43 AM
*reappears* What in the world is going on here?


Wow, you just threw an "unlit" grenade into my room.
Yeah, hahahaha! What's that going to do?
Why don't I ever get a chance to speak up?
Lust, you shut up too! You're supposed to be the aspect that's firmly rooted into the back of our mind!
Ok...
Why do YOU always get to be boss, Evil? I say, en guarde!

*evil and murderousness swordfight time!


Summons a Sword Golem

(Yes, a Golem made of swords)

This should be entertaining...

Castaras
2007-03-16, 11:46 AM
A fight?

* Picks up dead clone and animates *

Go on clone, do us proud!

Brains...

* Clone lurches over to fight *