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View Full Version : You might be a Murderhobo if...



Squark
2014-10-06, 06:12 PM
So, this thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?374299-Why-is-being-a-murderhobo-bad&p=18187027&viewfull=1#post18187027) brought up the question of what makes someone a Murderohobo. And yet, this thread still hasn't been made. So, to rectify this, let me start us off with a few. Try to preface your statements with, "You might be a murderhobo if," "Your party members might be murderhobos if," or even, "You're definately a murderhobo if."

DISCLAIMER: This is a silly thread. Try not to get bogged down in debate over what muderhobo means. We have a thread for that.

You might be working with Murderhobos if... you were elected party face by virtue of being the only one with a positive charisma modifier. <Actually Happened to me just last week>
You might be a Murderhobo if... you were elected party face by virtue of having the smallest penalty on charisma based skills.
You know you're a murderhobo when... the party face is the character with the lowest charisma score.
Your Druid is probably a murderhobo if... their animal companion has more characterization than they do.

Yuven
2014-10-06, 06:39 PM
You are definately a murderhobo when: your diplomacy score is your attack bonus

daremetoidareyo
2014-10-06, 06:43 PM
You might be a murderhobo if.....you knock on a door and kill the resident...two houses in a row.

Sartharina
2014-10-06, 06:43 PM
You might be a murderhobo if... Your shirt's more valuable than your house
You might be a murderhobo if... Your stay in town has killed more people than all it's natural disasters... combined.
You might be a murderhobo if... Your parents were killed by a band of raiders when you were young, and you've not contacted any of the rest of your family since single-handedly tracking the marauders down and killing them.
You might be a murderhobo if... You respond to being jumped in an alley by killing all your assailants and going through their pockets.

Mark Hall
2014-10-06, 06:56 PM
You might be a murderhobo if you've reached 3rd level before realizing you never named your character.

You might be a murderhobo if you put more thought into the name of your swords than the name of your character.

Rallicus
2014-10-06, 07:09 PM
You might be a murderhobo if... you suplex an old homeless lady to death because she refused to give you directions to the inn without payment (1 copper piece).

Squark
2014-10-06, 07:16 PM
You might be a murderhobo if... Somebody's animal companion has more characterization than your character.

You might be running a game for muderhobos if... You wonder why a middle-aged professor would want to rent a flat.

Red Fel
2014-10-06, 07:19 PM
Yes! This was a thing that had to happen, and I said it had to happen, and then it happened, and it's happening right now!

*gasp* I have superpowers. Time to use them for evil.

You might be a murderhobo if...
... you measure your wealth, not in currency, but in plus signs. ("It's a +9 against Ogres!")
... you rate the importance of the people in your life by the number of adjectives attached to them. ("He's dark, brooding, and mysterious? Holy crap, he must be important!")
... your closest personal relationship, in every possible sense, especially that one, is with a weapon. ("Oh my god, who touched Sasha?!")
... your nicknames for your friends include, "The expendable one," "The other expendable one," "The one who keeps us alive," and "Bob." You know Bob's name because he makes things explode, and that's awesome.
... your first solution for any complex social encounter involves acid, monkeys, or acid-monkeys.
... you share Batman's tendencies for needless brooding, and abundant violence, and aversion to speech, but not his compunctions against killing.
... you have been favorably compared with any of a number of natural disasters with regard to your impact on civil engineering.
... you are adored by construction companies and loathed by life insurance providers.

Squark
2014-10-06, 07:32 PM
Yes! This was a thing that had to happen, and I said it had to happen, and then it happened, and it's happening right now!

*gasp* I have superpowers. Time to use them for evil.

Heh. I was surprised nobody made this before I did. It seemed like something that needed to happen after that last thread.

Also,

You Might be a murderhobo if... all your worldly possessions fit inside a handy haversack.

Steel Mirror
2014-10-06, 07:36 PM
You might be a murderhobo if...you have met more people in your lifetime whom you've killed than whose names you can remember.

You might be a murderhobo if...thanks to the number of half-X templates you have chosen, you have more biological parents than you do thumbs.

GPuzzle
2014-10-06, 07:47 PM
You might be a Murderhobo if... the first thing you do whenever you enter a room is a bunch of Perception and Insight checks to see where there's any traps, any illusions, any hidden passageways... and then, when it's all done, you walk away, because the treasure in the room wasn't worth the fight.

Sartharina
2014-10-06, 08:16 PM
You might be a Murderhobo if... the first thing you do whenever you enter a room is a bunch of Perception and Insight checks to see where there's any traps, any illusions, any hidden passageways... and then, when it's all done, you walk away, because the treasure in the room wasn't worth the fight.No... walking away from a fight is proof of NOT being a Murderhobo.

Vitruviansquid
2014-10-06, 08:23 PM
You might be a murderhobo... if your sword rack HAS A SWORD RACK ON IT!

Madfellow
2014-10-06, 09:18 PM
... if being Polymorphed into a Roc has literally no effect on your lifestyle.
... if your only expense in a month has been for a Sword of X Slaying.
... if when you help an old lady cross the road, she accidentally petrifies half your party.
... if buying exotic barding for a Roc (yourself) is considered "just another Tuesday."
... if you don't speak Common.
... if your adventures pump enough money into the local economy that its market rating goes up.
... if your party tries to sell you for a magic shield.
... if you consider silver teeth to be a weapon you plan to use against lycanthropes.
... if hiring three dwarven mercenaries in one day is "just another Tuesday."
... if you consider killing 99 monstrous humanoids in one day to be a disappointment.

Laughing Dog
2014-10-06, 10:41 PM
You might be a Murderhobo if... your sword is worth more than the king's castle.
You might be a Murderhobo if... you follow muggers down dark alley because you needed a small amount of cash.
You might be a Murderhobo if... you have more weapons than articles of clothing.

AvatarVecna
2014-10-06, 11:20 PM
You might be a murderhobo if...you spend every night performing non-stressful activities instead of sleeping.

You might be a murderhobo if...the inns you frequent have a different mysterious, shadowy figure lurking in every corner.

Doorhandle
2014-10-06, 11:52 PM
You're probably a murderhobo if:

You consider cannibalism as “recycling.”
Your strongest spell siphons love out of the universe.
You kill a victim because “it would be cruel to let them live after what we did to his eyes.”
If a mission doesn’t let you kill stuff, you’d prefer to go to the inn and sulk.
You’d rather camp outside a city then go in a inn because you expect ambushes so much
You try to get bitten by werewolves in return for power.
You use every part of the dragon.
You forget you’re not playing grand theft auto in D&D.
You sacrifice your soul for three wishes, then hunt the devil in question through the nine hells in order to not have to pay.

Storm_Of_Snow
2014-10-07, 06:32 AM
You might be a murderhobo if... your definition of a permanent base of operations is the inn you're staying in for that night only.
You might be a murderhobo if... when staying in said inn, you stay awake all night waiting for someone to try and break into your room to steal something.

Threadnaught
2014-10-07, 06:50 AM
You know you're a murderhobo when... your response to an army moving toward a city, is to cause a localized Wightocalypse in the city just to slow down the incoming army.

Frozen_Feet
2014-10-07, 07:10 AM
... when your response to meeting another homeless person is to kill them and take their stuff.
... when your response to a comrade dying is to take their stuff and leave their corpse to rot.
... when performing alchemical experiments with your friend's corpse with the substances you just stole found is par for the course
... when you believe you are GOOD and JUSTIFIED in killing people and taking their stuff, but all those other people who try to kill you and take your stuff are EVIL and UNFAIR, despite acting exactly the same.
... when you believe curses bestowed by divine powers are a valid method of contraception.
... when you believe mindrape and programmed amnesia are totally cool and effort-saving ways of raising a kid.
... when your ideal kid is a perfect clone of yourself, spawned into being as young adult with all combat skills bred in, without having to go through such boring period of time as childhood. Besides, you can just mindrape some pleasant memories to the clone.
... when you manage to be surprised and horrified when said clone turns on you and tries to kill you.
... when the only difference between the Evil Emperor and you is that said Emperor got to the game first.
... when you need someone else to point the above to you.
... when, instead of paying the whore you slept with, you kill her and turn her into an undead being.
... when your modus operandi as a private detective is to kick the door in, knock the family's grandfather unconscious, capture one of the fleeing kids and then extort an admission from the mother by threatening the kid with violence.
... and when the actual law-enforcement agents arrive and complain about what you're doing, you knock them unconscious, kill them, and steal their stuff. Despite the fact that they hired you.
... when there's a bounty warrant for you in every city and the bounty for "dead" is higher than for "alive".
... when bounty for your death specifies they want your soul bound or eaten by demons.
... when offering yourself as a human sacrifice to diabolic forces in order for your friends to get significant treasure sounds like a good idea. I mean, they'll just rez you later. Why wouldn't they?
... when giving a potion to a helpless teammate, you prefer to administer it as an enema.
... when you say "ladies first" because you think there might be a monster or trap behind the door and you don't want to fall for it.
... when upon finding a grave, your first instict is to dig it open to see if there's loot there.
... when following the above, you use the open grave as a toilet.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-07, 07:37 AM
You might be a murderhobo if you keep long lists detailing all your worldly possessions, forgetting to leave space for your own name, age and appearance.

You might be a murderhobo if, when asked by the DM for a bit of detail on your immediate family, you say "Let me get back to you on that" and don't get back to them. Ever.

You might be a murderhobo if you're unable to get through a conversation with the local barkeeper, stable owner or merchant unless you're holding a weapon.

You might be DM'ing for a bunch of murderhobos if you go through the MM making notes like, "Needs to be tougher," "Double the number per encounter" and "Remember to add class levels."

toapat
2014-10-07, 07:49 AM
You might be working with murderhobos if ... the paladin is more successful then the bard with demons. while "Lawful Good"

Joe the Rat
2014-10-07, 08:16 AM
You might be a murderhobo if...
...your equipment comes in three categories: killin' tools, containers, and the bedroll you started with at level 1.
...you consider owning a wagon to be "too tied down."
...you can do enough damage in a charge to knock someone's head into the next county. Then go chase it down because that helmet might be worth something.
..."zombie apocalypse" is on your list of "ways to save money in town"
...you spend more time and care interacting with traps and locks than you do people.
...any non-weapon, non-container equipment is chosen based on how much it can hold, or how much damage it does as an improvised weapon.
...you strip your enemies of everything valuable, then strip them to the bone for anything you could use or sell, then animate the bones to carry all of it.
...you refuse to destroy an artifact of ultimate evil because you might be able to sell it.
...going to the local tavern is for two things: plot hooks, or xp grinding. Sometimes both.
...you consider a night in jail "free room and board"


... your first solution for any complex social encounter involves acid, monkeys, or acid-monkeys.Hey, Strax is NOT a murderhobo!

He has a permanent address...

ElenionAncalima
2014-10-07, 08:23 AM
You might be a murderhobo if...

...you killed someone who surrendered, because their shoes looked magical.
...you get excited when a distressed woman enters the tavern.
...you invest in a Ring of Sustenance, so you don't have to let insignificant stuff like sleeping and eating slow down your killing.

...in a world full of monsters, your biggest fear is your cellphone battery running out during those boring talky bits.

Shalist
2014-10-07, 03:26 PM
You might be a murderhobo if...
http://taintedink.com/comics/2005-12-11-090-will-kill-for-food.jpg

aethel27
2014-10-08, 03:02 AM
first where is that from?

second...
you might be a murderhobo if your wagon of dead bodies is referred to as trade goods

Dire Moose
2014-10-10, 09:56 AM
You might be working with Murderhobos if... you were elected party face by virtue of being the only one with a positive charisma modifier. <Actually Happened to me just last week>
You might be a Murderhobo if... you were elected party face by virtue of having the smallest penalty on charisma based skills.

Both of these happened to me last week, as I was the only one who had kept my character balanced instead of doing extreme minmaxing. And the druid I created only had a Charisma score of 10.

Actually, since everyone else had a 9 or less in Charisma, my mountain lion companion actually outclassed them in Charisma as well.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-10, 10:04 AM
Both of these happened to me last week, as I was the only one who had kept my character balanced instead of doing extreme minmaxing. And the druid I created only had a Charisma score of 10.

Actually, since everyone else had a 9 or less in Charisma, my mountain lion companion actually outclassed them in Charisma as well.

Let the cat do the talking.

"Y HALO THAR. MAH FRENZ AN I R JUS PASIN THRU. IZ THAR PLACE WE CAN STAY 4 DA NITE? AN DO U NED HALP WIF ANYTHIN WE CAN DO 4 U?"

Problem solved. :smallcool:

Septimus Faber
2014-10-17, 04:21 PM
Im in ur soshul kombat, diplomansin' ur mooks.

More on-topic:

You are probably a murderhobo if you habitually Great Cleave people as a form of affectionate greeting.

ericgrau
2014-10-19, 09:33 AM
You might be a murderhobo if your DM must tell you point blank "you're pretty sure you have no chance against this guy"
You're definitely a murderhobo if your DM feels compelled to tell you "um, you know from - what knowledge skill that you have again? - that this guy is on your side" so that you don't kill the only plot hook.
You might be a murderhobo if your golden armor is decorated with the legendary scene from the time it was forged but you still live on a daily diet of hard tack, trail mix and unseasoned dried meat.
You might be a murderhobo if your equipment is a mish mash of clashing colors still stained with the blood of the original owners. Because cleaning doesn't affect stats.
You might be a murderhobo if you are an orphan embittered against the world by the death of your family. And so is your entire party. And cohorts. And most NPCs that join the party.
You might be a murderhobo if you pay close attention to any NPC that joins the party with a real backstory because he must be part of the main plot. And by "close attention" I mean "where is the thing we have to kill whose name I forgot".
You might be a murderhobo if you slay a great wyrm then die of thirst 5 days later because no one thought to bring water, nor magical water, nor play a cleric.
You might be a murderhobo if you get raised from the dead 1 day later on wyrm treasure and still do not carry water because the next dungeon is outside the desert.

Laughing Dog
2014-11-10, 12:32 PM
You might be a murderhobo if...
http://taintedink.com/comics/2005-12-11-090-will-kill-for-food.jpg

First off that's adorable. And accurate.

You've probably played too many murderhoboes if... Your DM changes your characters alignment to Chaotic Evil... Without even bothering to look at the sheet.
You might be a murderhobo if... the Blood War has ever come to a hiatus so both sides can gang up on you.