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blackout
2007-03-16, 05:00 AM
We all have stories regarding seduction(usually involved succubi, or elven sorceresses somehow.), that's a fact of life. Chances are, these are funny once in awhile. Tell your stories here!

InaVegt
2007-03-16, 05:32 AM
I played a halfling sorceress and we were somehow being drafted, I go with the soldiers willingly and they let me alone with one male soldier, I dropped a not so subtle hint and the soldier dragged me to an sidestreet, there he dropped his pants and I dropped an acid orb in his family juwels. After that I got away quickly.

Yuki Akuma
2007-03-16, 06:30 AM
We all have stories regarding seduction(usually involved succubi, or elven sorceresses somehow.), that's a fact of life. Chances are, these are funny once in awhile. Tell your stories here!

You first.

blackout
2007-03-16, 06:54 AM
I, personally, don't have one. One of my friends does though.

We were playing our all-monster FR campaign, and this is before we fought the Master Chief. Anyways, one of the characters happened to be a nymph. A very scantily clad nymph. This is at the very beginning of the campaign, and we were attacking a fort run by a group of highly-organized bandits.

Anyways, most of the bandits were male. Our goblin ranger scouts ahead, and then gets spotted, and seriously wounded. Our nymph(played by a female, mind you)moves out into plain view, and walks right up to the bandits, moving her hips and legs like a runway model. Naturally, the bandits are staring at her. She gets in real close, looking like she's about to have a little bit a fun with one of them, and then, with all eyes on the nymph, the entire party sneaks around to the weak rear of the bandit fort, and starts killing them silently. Within five minutes, the only one left is the one that the nymph is directly trying to seduce. Then the goblin rogue comes outta nowhere, and sneak attacks him. Bandit = Dead. Lootage begins.

Fixer
2007-03-16, 06:55 AM
My tale of seduction moved slowly, and is still revered by my original group of players as the best setup ever.

The player characters were around 9th level. We had a Half-orc Barbarian/Rogue (more barbarian than rogue) named Thraxus, a half-elf Ranger/Sorcerer/Arcane Archer named Balator, a Fighter/Rogue (if the Complete Adventurer had been out, he would have played a Scout) named Korbel, and an elven Druid whose name I have forgotten.

These characters had all begun from 1st level, and had undergone MANY challenges to get where they were. All the players were seasoned with many years of playing these and other characters. By all accounts, not an easily gullible group who figured they knew all my tricks. At this point in the campaign they had found themselves in Ravenloft and were none too pleased about it.

I created a succubus, named Teneril, as a nemesis NPC. Unlike 90% of succubus this one seduced with knowledge and power instead of sex. (Personality flaw, she hated sex.) She met the players, appearing as an old woman, as they were searching for a way out of this horrible plane of existence in which they were stuck. She knew of three ways out, each with increasing levels of difficulty. 1) Go to an island in this one domain where a ghost ship rules and on a particular night, two weeks from that time, a gate will open out of the world. 2) Go to specific locations in Ravenloft to drain the powers of the plane itself and use those powers to rip a gate out of the world. 3) Kill enough domain lords that the plane itself throws you out. The players, deciding that the easy way was probably not all that easy (which, it was) decided to take the middle road.

Now, the players were VERY suspicious of this amazingly knowledgeable woman. She told the players (with a great degree of honesty) that she was researching the plane (she said she was from Waterdeep, which they PCs had never heard of) and trying to learn how it worked. During encounters she played herself off as a minor wizard (in Ravenloft, outsiders can draw upon some wild and crazy powers outside of their normal set based on the domains they draw power from) and after a few encounters where she REALLY saved the players' bacon with a bit of knowledge or a powerful effect, they came to trust her.

One day Teneril made the offer to Thraxus to share a bit of the power they were collecting with him to make him more potent. Thraxus was suspicious because of the nature of the plane itself and Teneril did not push the matter and things went back to normal.

Next gaming session, apparently the player of Thraxus had talked to the other players and their characters were interested in how the process worked. Teneril explained the process involved only a drop of their own blood offered to the plane in return for some minor power. After the PCs debated about it, they decided to let Thraxus go ahead, and if nothing bad happened to him they would all do it. Thraxus gained a mild restorative ability (fast healing 1) and then everyone else jumped in as well.

Over time, Teneril continued to "perform her research on the plane itself" and learned to draw on more and more powers herself, and shared this power with the PCs. Finally, Teneril decided the time was right to draw everything to a close. The PCs had been boosted to great extent and trusted Teneril implicitly at this point their levels were around 15. She decided the time to collect their souls was ripe so she told them of the ritual to get them home.

The players would move into a 'magic circle', incant some words that I made up, and then ceremoniously coup de gras each other. Needless to say, the players were not thrilled about the idea. The ranger and sorcerer, in particular, were worried about their animal companions/familiars remaining trapped. Teneril explained that the magic circle would keep their spirits from being trapped within the plane and the magic they had been stealing would create bodies outside of Ravenloft identical to their own and their spirits would instantly possess. The magic of the circle could not transfer their equipment, but she explained that was just the price to pay. She also said she would be participating in the circle because she also wanted to get home.

The players thought it over and finally decided to go ahead. They had already put many months of adventuring time (both in and out of game) into this particular method of escape. Teneril made sure that the person who was performing the coup de gras on her had a blade that was not lethal to her and then they all ritualistically killed one another, and their familiars/companions, in the hopes of escape.

My line after it was done.

"Your spirits draw away from your bodies as the magic of the circle takes effect. You can feel a sudden liberation as you realize the magic is working. Then you see Teneril rise, apparently not dead from the attack. She looks at your spirits as she transforms. Large bat wings extend from her back and the years fall from her face as the once old woman becomes young, beautiful, and a symbol for lust itself. Although you no longer have bodies, a chill runs down you as she speaks the words, 'Now your souls are mine.'"

Jerthanis
2007-03-16, 07:15 AM
Is it odd that all the best seduction stories in my games end up being about homosexual seductions? Well, they're more of awkward situations than seductions, we have a pretty strict "fade-to-black" rule that we go by.

Anyway, there was a time when I was in a game where a group of pirates was introduced as a group of villains, they were fairly obvious in their sexual preference, but one of the homophobic players didn't catch it at all. He wanted to switch characters and so decided the way he wanted to go out was by betraying the party to the pirates and joining their crew. It got pretty heavy handed with the party member being insistant that he wanted to join the crew, and the DM trying his best to have the pirates innuendo that they were homosexual. After the plan went down and the inevitable fight was a draw, the pirate ship set sail with the former party member aboard. It was about a mile out that he finally figured it out, at which time he attempted to leap off the ship and swim to shore. It was such a funny image we decided to leave his fate a mystery as the player rolled up a new character.

Another time, in an Eberron game, the Artificer had fallen in love with a good lich. The party was interacting with a black dragon who had taken human form for the meeting, and he was coming onto the lich fairly strongly. The Artificer felt the need to set the dragon straight, and declared forcefully, "Stop hitting on my dead chick, you black bastard!" and because we were in a semi-public place, had to clarify, "I mean, you dragonous bastard.... not because you're black." awkwardly.

Brauron
2007-03-16, 04:22 PM
There hasn't been any real seduction in any games I've played in...but the two following incidents are as close as we've gotten:


The Elven Wizard attempting to hire a half-orc hooker to distract the human barbarian during a drinking contest between said barbarian and a human rogue who was joining our party.

The Elven Wizard and the Barbarian getting completely drunk and falling into bed together for a homosexual encounter following the defeat of a minor villain. The DM, for his own sanity, maintains that this never happened.

The_Chilli_God
2007-03-16, 04:44 PM
This one just last session:

The PC's were invading the Underdark in their Quest of Saving the World. You know the drill.
The entrance to the Underdark had only recently been emptied of roughly 500 troops, intent on a surface invasion. The PC's showed up soon after the invading force marched out, and was focusing on "collapsing" the Underdark entrance to stop the forces from making a retreat, as well as getting into the Underdark themselves.
The army itself is some strange alliance / conscription formed between drow coordinators, kobold slaves, tiefling allies, and yuan-ti allies from the surface.

The party had just finished off the tieflings' pack of hounds that they left behind; a voor, two worgs, and three fiendish dogs. They made their way into a side-room... only to get blasted by a line of fire. Trap. Thing. After a few more blasts and stupidity ("I walk right in front of the line!"), the trap was disarmed, and then the party heard some muffled talking.
Coming from the velvet curtains to the side of the room.

Me: "Opening it, you find a gorgeous looking..."
Players: "Yes?"
Me: "...Beautifully-figured..."
Players: "YES?!"
Me: "...Bed."
Players: "Hey!"
Me: "And on the bed are two gorgeous-looking, beautifully figured human women."

Of course, they flirted with the PC's, trying to convince them to let the two come with them. The two claimed to be a pair of slaves used by the tieflings for fun and entertainment.
At about this point, the players were calling dibs on the two girls. It ended up in a fight between the player of the paladin, and the player of the cleric, over who gets the girls; this fight took place using empty Coca-cola bottles and their own shoes.

Me: "It seems as though the most dangerous encounter in all of D&D, is a pair of hot chicks."

Once settled down, the party agreed to let the girls tag along; they showed their gratification for it with cheeky gestures and suggestive words and such.

The very next encounter, against three tanarukk, the two hot chicks attacked the party from behind, the facade thrown off. One stabbitied while the other casted mind-blowing spells (literally). The party replied in turn, but they were kind of flanked by the demon/orcs and the hot chicks (who were really Fey'ri). One of the hot chicks died, but the other cast Dimension door and escaped.
Shortly thenafter, two PC's died to the demon/orc tanarukk attacks.

The group named that session, "The Best Session I've Ever DM'd." I'd beg to differ, but why should I?

J_Muller
2007-03-16, 05:22 PM
We had a Half-orc Barbarian/Rogue (more barbarian than rogue) named Thraxus

Intentional reference:smallconfused:?

NecroPaladin
2007-03-16, 07:37 PM
My (Lawful Evil) Cleric detected a succubus well before she let up her disguise (she was hired by a neighboring fiefdom to kill him). Said cleric, who, by the way, as a cleric dedicated to tyranny, is not chaste, had plenty of time to silently cast the proper wards and protections. Her...erm, to put it politely, murder attempts, ended in failure.

At which point my cleric snarkily caps off; "Ah! My dear, that was as passionate as hellfire! It seemed almost as if you were killing me with pleasure!"

She just kind of glared at him, moving her mouth but not able to form coherent words, and he followed up with a grinning, "Alright, either we go again, or you get out of my castle now."

She took the latter option at which point he (remember, EVIL cleric) promptly fried her with a few well placed beams to the back and sent the ashes to the would-be assassin's employer in a "thank-you" note.

"I would like to thank you for the gift you sent me. Regardless to say, I am as clumsy as a small child and I broke it. Here are the remaining pieces, should you wish to reassemble them, but I am afraid that the damage may be irreperable. Again, I can not reiterate my lack of coordination enough, and I am sorry for all of your money going to waste on me."

My DM got a little angry after this incident. I don't think he expected me to truesee that courtesan, which kind of destroyed his planning.

The_Blue_Sorceress
2007-03-16, 10:49 PM
My then-boyfriend, now-fiancee was running a game for me and a couple of friends, both male. Our characters were travelling between two towns a long way apart, and the whole way was wilderness. My character, a rather prim priestess with a vivid and less than prim imagination and a lot of wild undercurrents, began to feel a strange attraction to her roguish companion as the days wore on even though she barely tolerated both him and the third member of the party, a wizard whom she thought of as a poor, misguided, unwashed heretic. Everyone finally got to a town after a couple of particularly harrowing battles, and the rogue decided that the best thing to do to relax would be to get settled at the local inn and lure a serving wench back to his room. They got to it rather loudly, and my character, indignant at being overlooked in favor of a cheap tramp, decided to show the rogue what was what. She snuck into his room, stripped, threw her cloak over her shoulders and waited with the sort of patience only the truly determined can muster. When her quarry arrived she stood up, walked to the rogue, let her cloak drop, and...

*fade to black*

I also had a male half-elf ranger/druid, Redleaf, who, while "in the middle of things" with a barmaid was doused with a horse-trough full of water by one of his companions. Checks were failed, the damp barmaid saw herself out of his room, and Redleaf, besogged and feeling a little bit like he didn't really deserve that sort of thing, went out looking for the innkeeper so that he could get a dry bed. Things started looking up when, instead of running into the innkeeper, her met the innkeeper's daughter, and after laying out a sad tale that in no way included the fact that he'd been in bed with another woman not more than half and hour before, the sweet young thing was so taken with him that

*fade to black*

Being a nice, well meaning, if somewhat promiscuous fellow, Redleaf would have kept up with the young lady and gotten a relationship going with her (probably leading to marriage, not that it would have meant much because he was polyamorous and had no problem with bigamy, so long as no one got hurt by it) had the game continued. I rather fancied the idea of having a character with a handful of different wives in different cities that he frequented on his adventures, all of them supported by his adventuring wealth.



-Blue

Raistlin1040
2007-03-16, 10:54 PM
Is it odd that all the best seduction stories in my games end up being about homosexual seductions? Well, they're more of awkward situations than seductions, we have a pretty strict "fade-to-black" rule that we go by.

Anyway, there was a time when I was in a game where a group of pirates was introduced as a group of villains, they were fairly obvious in their sexual preference, but one of the homophobic players didn't catch it at all. He wanted to switch characters and so decided the way he wanted to go out was by betraying the party to the pirates and joining their crew. It got pretty heavy handed with the party member being insistant that he wanted to join the crew, and the DM trying his best to have the pirates innuendo that they were homosexual. After the plan went down and the inevitable fight was a draw, the pirate ship set sail with the former party member aboard. It was about a mile out that he finally figured it out, at which time he attempted to leap off the ship and swim to shore. It was such a funny image we decided to leave his fate a mystery as the player rolled up a new character.

Another time, in an Eberron game, the Artificer had fallen in love with a good lich. The party was interacting with a black dragon who had taken human form for the meeting, and he was coming onto the lich fairly strongly. The Artificer felt the need to set the dragon straight, and declared forcefully, "Stop hitting on my dead chick, you black bastard!" and because we were in a semi-public place, had to clarify, "I mean, you dragonous bastard.... not because you're black." awkwardly.

Cracked me up.

Viscount Einstrauss
2007-03-16, 11:13 PM
I once played a man named Don Fiore, a half-Italian half-Spanish CN bard that specialized in being a "great lover of many women". He spoke in third person with an outrageously overdone accent, had a thin moustache and goatee, wore bright purple velvets, and never missed any chance to hit on females of any kind, as "Don Fiore does not discriminate between fine ladies".

The DM eventually ended this nonsense shortly after I got high enough checks to turn around a seduction attempt by a succubus and instead seduced the succubus for carnal pleasures sans level drainage. So I went off to find a private chambers for my latest catch while the rest of the party were perplexingly left without an encounter.

The DM ended this by making an encounter shortly after this with a female red dragon. "Don Fiore regrets nothing!"

Amphimir Míriel
2007-03-17, 12:08 AM
I once played a man named Don Fiore, a half-Italian half-Spanish CN bard that specialized in being a "great lover of many women". He spoke in third person with an outrageously overdone accent, had a thin moustache and goatee, wore bright purple velvets, and never missed any chance to hit on females of any kind, as "Don Fiore does not discriminate between fine ladies".

The DM eventually ended this nonsense shortly after I got high enough checks to turn around a seduction attempt by a succubus and instead seduced the succubus for carnal pleasures sans level drainage. So I went off to find a private chambers for my latest catch while the rest of the party were perplexingly left without an encounter.

The DM ended this by making an encounter shortly after this with a female red dragon. "Don Fiore regrets nothing!"


Reminds me of Casanunda from the Discworld

Dervag
2007-03-17, 12:47 AM
I played a halfling sorceress and we were somehow being drafted, I go with the soldiers willingly and they let me alone with one male soldier, I dropped a not so subtle hint and the soldier dragged me to an sidestreet, there he dropped his pants and I dropped an acid orb in his family juwels. After that I got away quickly.I don't think that qualifies as a seduction story. It's more of a 'horrible, horrible sneak attack' story.


Teneril made sure that the person who was performing the coup de gras on her had a blade that was not lethal to her and then they all ritualistically killed one another, and their familiars/companions, in the hopes of escape...

"Your spirits draw away from your bodies as the magic of the circle takes effect. You can feel a sudden liberation as you realize the magic is working. Then you see Teneril rise, apparently not dead from the attack. She looks at your spirits as she transforms. Large bat wings extend from her back and the years fall from her face as the once old woman becomes young, beautiful, and a symbol for lust itself. Although you no longer have bodies, a chill runs down you as she speaks the words, 'Now your souls are mine.'"That. Was. Really. Low.

On the other hand, this is the first case I've ever heard of where the TPK was a suicide in the strict sense of the term.

Did Teneril perchance offer them Kool-Aid at any point?


The Elven Wizard attempting to hire a half-orc hooker to distract...I sense a waste of money.


My (Lawful Evil) Cleric detected a succubus well before she let up her disguise (she was hired by a neighboring fiefdom to kill him). Said cleric, who, by the way, as a cleric dedicated to tyranny, is not chaste, had plenty of time to silently cast the proper wards and protections. Her...erm, to put it politely, murder attempts, ended in failure.

At which point my cleric snarkily caps off; "Ah! My dear, that was as passionate as hellfire! It seemed almost as if you were killing me with pleasure!"

She just kind of glared at him, moving her mouth but not able to form coherent words, and he followed up with a grinning, "Alright, either we go again, or you get out of my castle now."This one takes the cake.


She took the latter option at which point he (remember, EVIL cleric) promptly fried her with a few well placed beams to the back and sent the ashes to the would-be assassin's employer in a "thank-you" note.Pity about that part. It sort of spoils it from my perspective.


My DM got a little angry after this incident. I don't think he expected me to truesee that courtesan, which kind of destroyed his planning.Well, if he doesn't want your character to be paranoid enough to cast true seeing on a courtesan, then he shouldn't be sneaky enough to send your character a courtesan that he should cast true seeing on.


The DM eventually ended this nonsense shortly after I got high enough checks to turn around a seduction attempt by a succubus and instead seduced the succubus for carnal pleasures sans level drainage. So I went off to find a private chambers for my latest catch while the rest of the party were perplexingly left without an encounter.That one is even better than the last one; not least because it doesn't involve killing the dame afterwards.

I might have actually awarded some XP for that particular 'defeat' of the encounter. Of course, it wouldn't be a very big award, because the rest of the party wouldn't be getting a share.


The DM ended this by making an encounter shortly after this with a female red dragon. "Don Fiore regrets nothing!"
Reminds me of Casanunda from the DiscworldIndeed. Six feet unda, to be precise.

Viscount Einstrauss
2007-03-17, 01:03 AM
One of Don Fiore's core tenants is that he never harms a lady :smallbiggrin:

J_Muller
2007-03-17, 01:07 AM
The DM eventually ended this nonsense shortly after I got high enough checks to turn around a seduction attempt by a succubus and instead seduced the succubus for carnal pleasures sans level drainage. So I went off to find a private chambers for my latest catch while the rest of the party were perplexingly left without an encounter.


That... is awesome.:smallbiggrin:

ClericofPhwarrr
2007-03-17, 02:17 AM
I once played a man named Don Fiore, a half-Italian half-Spanish CN bard that specialized in being a "great lover of many women". He spoke in third person with an outrageously overdone accent, had a thin moustache and goatee, wore bright purple velvets, and never missed any chance to hit on females of any kind, as "Don Fiore does not discriminate between fine ladies".

The DM eventually ended this nonsense shortly after I got high enough checks to turn around a seduction attempt by a succubus and instead seduced the succubus for carnal pleasures sans level drainage. So I went off to find a private chambers for my latest catch while the rest of the party were perplexingly left without an encounter.

The DM ended this by making an encounter shortly after this with a female red dragon. "Don Fiore regrets nothing!"

You, sir, are full of awesome and win. That is the best thing I've read all day. I feel... inspired... :smallbiggrin:

BlueWizard
2007-03-17, 02:25 AM
I once had a pretty female cleric, who was a mother, and was called prude by the party because she didn't want to sleep with every PC character. Anyway, she attempted to charm Lord Stradt of Ravenloft, but that didn't work out well. I think Stradt 'did' her, and moved on, and my player got left with a few less levels.

The Prince of Cats
2007-03-17, 04:56 AM
Back in second edition, I played a swashbuckler with high charisma and low wisdom. He was particularly good at seduction (thanks to the simple reaction-adjustment rules for 2e) but completely monogamous each time. He would never 'cheat', but tended to get over a relationship's end fairly easily.

Sadly, the party fighter thought he was a bard. All through the campaign, he would compose bad poetry about my character's exploits in the bedroom and on the battlefield. This was my character of a thousand (consecutive) fumbles. Okay, it was only about 7... Sadly, two of them hit the damsel in distress we were trying to save and the rest involved dropping weapons.

Well, the party was usually very good at keeping the poetry away from this character's conquests. Except just once. He had rescued her from some peril I have since forgotten, which involved her getting very drunk. He took her home and put her to bed, then (seeing that she was barely coherent) he sat up with her all night and gave her a special blend of herbs he had for hangovers.

Now, she was quite grateful both for his not taking advantage and for his herbs. Very grateful... Of course, she had to be at work (in the inn where his party were staying) very soon, so all he got was a chaste kiss and an invitation to be at the in about 9pm.

At about 8pm, the innkeeper announces a bard from out of town is to give a poetry reading...

Yes, it was the fighter. My character had a tankard of ale upended over his head and I was suddenly put in a very difficult position. Luckily, not impossible. The other players got to see how I won my wife; I managed to talk her around with some very quick thinking and some not-very-subtle implied threats toward the fighter.

There was also the Amethyst dragon... My wife was playing the dragon...

Ferreon
2007-03-18, 07:57 PM
Is it odd that all the best seduction stories in my games end up being about homosexual seductions? Well, they're more of awkward situations than seductions, we have a pretty strict "fade-to-black" rule that we go by.

Anyway, there was a time when I was in a game where a group of pirates was introduced as a group of villains, they were fairly obvious in their sexual preference, but one of the homophobic players didn't catch it at all. He wanted to switch characters and so decided the way he wanted to go out was by betraying the party to the pirates and joining their crew. It got pretty heavy handed with the party member being insistant that he wanted to join the crew, and the DM trying his best to have the pirates innuendo that they were homosexual. After the plan went down and the inevitable fight was a draw, the pirate ship set sail with the former party member aboard. It was about a mile out that he finally figured it out, at which time he attempted to leap off the ship and swim to shore. It was such a funny image we decided to leave his fate a mystery as the player rolled up a new character.

Another time, in an Eberron game, the Artificer had fallen in love with a good lich. The party was interacting with a black dragon who had taken human form for the meeting, and he was coming onto the lich fairly strongly. The Artificer felt the need to set the dragon straight, and declared forcefully, "Stop hitting on my dead chick, you black bastard!" and because we were in a semi-public place, had to clarify, "I mean, you dragonous bastard.... not because you're black." awkwardly.

(apologies for possible thread necromancy)

Considering you'd just clearly stated necrophiliac urges...I'd thought casual racism would have been somewhat further down the list of things to be embarrassed about, particularly in a semi public place

averagejoe
2007-03-18, 08:41 PM
Is it odd that all the best seduction stories in my games end up being about homosexual seductions?

I'll do you one better. I'm DMing a game in which the party bard is basically wholly geared toward nothing but charming people. (he has a 5 in str. and I believe an 8 in con, but 22 or so cha) So I set the group on this alternate realities plot (kinda like sliders) where they would hop from prime material to prime material. Now, I thought that the logical next step in such a story would be to have the characters meet their alternate reality selves.

Yeah, that's where this is going.

While the other characters were suspiciously fingering their weapons, the bard was making out with his alternate reality self. He just found himself to be too dang sexy to pass up.

They got married.

ClericofPhwarrr
2007-03-19, 01:22 AM
While the other characters were suspiciously fingering their weapons, the bard was making out with his alternate reality self. He just found himself to be too dang sexy to pass up.

They got married.

And I thought Narcissus was bad... :smalleek:

Jade_Tarem
2007-03-19, 01:27 AM
There was an incident that I am sworn to secrecy never to reveal, other than the name.

The buddha incident.

Take that as you will.

Dhavaer
2007-03-19, 01:30 AM
The buddha incident.

Sounds like a Tom Clancy novel. Or Dan Brown.

The Great Skenardo
2007-03-19, 01:33 AM
Not so much a seduction story as a story that happened off-screen:

So we're marching off to a cursed monastery which has apparently become a den of evil blah blah blah terrorizing blah blah blah.

It turns out that a group of Githyanki were currently using the monastery as a staging grounds in which they were trying to raise a clutch of red dragons for some nefarious purpose. However, these turned out to be half-dragon githyanki eggs, which led to some lively OOC discussion about how that possibly could have happened.

It was at about this time that the phrase "Githyanki Hanky-Panky" was coined. :smalleek:

Dhavaer
2007-03-19, 01:50 AM
Another off-screen moment that led to something of a joke ooc:

The PC, through act of plot, was recruited from the army into a quasi-government organisation investigating magic, monsters, etc. The organisation's headquarters was a suburban townhouse where the PC and two other members, a medic and a technomage, lived. The technomage had a wife, who for some reason lived seperately from her, but they frequently stayed at each others' homes. At one time when the technomage and her wife were both in the townhouse, she and the PC were woken up early in the morning to go on a mission. When they met in the courtyard on the way down to the organisation's Secret Underground LairTM, she was having a breath mint, and offered him one.
Later, when it was inquired as to whether there would be any hawt lezzy cheesecake, I replied "Why do you think she was having a breathmint at five in the morning?" Laughs ensued.

Incidentally, the technomage also had the distinction of being recognisable solely by her sense of humour.

Rockphed
2007-03-19, 02:41 AM
The greatest seduction story in my group actually happened when I was not around. It went something like this:

Two female PCs decided that they wanted all the stuff that a rather chauvanistic NPC had. So they took him to the bar and started a drinking contest. In the process, they got VERY drunk and took him upstairs. He hadn't had more than 1 or two drinks to their 20, so he was pretty sober. He just tied them to the bed and went elsewhere.

Needless to say the girls were pretty mad.

Later, one of them became a vampire, and they went out on the town. They ran into a noble who was only described as being tall, dark, and handsome. They decided to seduce him and steal his money. Again, they took him to the bar. There, they bought him the toughest alcohol available. He downed it in one swig, and promptly lost conciousness.

After some amount of insanity, the vampire got some blood lust going. Some fighting insued, but the noble would have won, except for a gun the vampire had. She pulled it out, and shot him in the face. Then she pulled him off and ate him. Too bad, I liked that character.

Renegade Paladin
2007-03-19, 03:32 AM
Came close once, but stopped because the other character was played by the DM's girlfriend. :smalltongue: Which is too bad, because although there's nothing between us, the players, we both agree our characters would probably be in a relationship by now if it wasn't for that little meta detail.

Jade_Tarem
2007-03-19, 04:04 AM
Sounds like a Tom Clancy novel. Or Dan Brown.

I'm not a huge fanboy admirerer of either, but neither of them would be caught dead writing about this escapade. No one would.

Fixer
2007-03-19, 10:52 AM
Intentional reference:smallconfused:?
If there is one I do not know of it. What are you referring to? I had never heard of a half-orc named Thraxus. When he is allowed to play minotaurs he always names him Thraxus. I have no clue why.

lumberofdabeast
2007-03-19, 11:19 AM
Very early on in a campaign I'm running. NPC bard performing at a tavern/inn (cute redhead, to summarize) plays a set, winks at the party fighter. Plays another set, goes to bed for the night, but not before saying to the fighter, "Second room on the left, cutie." Of course he obliges her. Ropes are involved. And she's not the "victim", so to speak.

No robbery. No murder. No crimes of any sort.

What's funny about this?

I'm going to bring her back in a few months in-game time. :D

Ranis
2007-03-19, 11:34 AM
You deserve a badge for being that evil, man. That is sooooooooo mean. Teehee.

Nahal
2007-03-19, 01:11 PM
A little while back I managed to screw the party's way out of being screwed. Though I have sneaking suspicion the GM is going to take revenge in the form of some exotic disease (which he hinted at after I pulled it off; apparently he wasn't counting on me using sex to bypass 2 sessions' worth of planned events).

We were screwed. Figuratively. Again. This time we (or rather the rest of the party in my absence) had gotten pinned down in a military base in Montauk (they decided to go charging down a road in a jeep rather than try to, I dunno, INFILTRATE through a CLEARLY VISIBLE and SPECIFICALLY POINTED OUT door into a bunker). Through a combination of lucky rolls and quick thinking we escape into the underground portion of the base after killing off the only people who knew exactly where we were (this was 1947, so remote surveillance was minimal). We procure military uniforms from a bunk room near where we came down, and set about figuring out what was going on in there.

Turns out a female researcher wanted an escort to her lab, so we obliged. It's at this point that we discover what she does with the base: top secret research into cloaking technology, which unknown to them (but known to us) was actually time travel in this instance. Which gave us an idea. I get my flirt on, and persuade her and her friend to "meet up" after our respective shifts are done. (Side note, seduction isn't merely a talent with this character, it's his whole concept) So after the initial round, I (subtly) ask the researcher if I could take a look at the test chamber. She is quite happy to show it to me, and mentions that when it powers up the vibrations really enhance the experience. So I get a few sniggers from the guards as we go in, then pull out a donkey punch as the episode ends so I can bind and gag her without trouble. I then leave and bluff the guards into thinking I'm going for some toys (and the rest of the party to put them on cleaning deatil), then once we're all there I fire up the time portal and we all escape.

Moral of the story: It's enitrely possible to f___ your way out of a f___ing mess if you play your cards right.

asqwasqw
2007-03-19, 07:51 PM
There was an incident that I am sworn to secrecy never to reveal, other than the name.

The buddha incident.

Take that as you will.

Dam you Jade, pique my curiosity will you?

Tell me... please... I won't tell anyone else... brain melting...

J_Muller
2007-03-19, 07:52 PM
If there is one I do not know of it. What are you referring to? I had never heard of a half-orc named Thraxus. When he is allowed to play minotaurs he always names him Thraxus. I have no clue why.

The name is similar to a character from a series of fantasy-mystery-comedy novels revolving around a (human) private eye named Thraxas.

They're great. There's one part of the fourth book where Thraxas's quarter-orc-quarter-elf-half-human (her mixed parentage is the source of much disdain from essentially everyone except Thraxas) assistant basically bull-rushes the BBEG off a balcony into the sacred pool in the capital of the Elves, and the Elf king looks off the balcony and says, "Did she have to go right into the sacred pool? I've just had it ritually cleansed."

lumberofdabeast
2007-03-19, 07:54 PM
You deserve a badge for being that evil, man. That is sooooooooo mean. Teehee.

What makes it even more amusing is that the fighter never got her name. That's gonna go over well.

Jerthanis
2007-03-19, 08:14 PM
(apologies for possible thread necromancy)

Considering you'd just clearly stated necrophiliac urges...I'd thought casual racism would have been somewhat further down the list of things to be embarrassed about, particularly in a semi public place

Well, at risk of killing the joke by explaining it, that was part of why it was funny. When suddenly put in a situation where he seemed to be a racist necrophiliac, he felt more strongly compelled to retract the racist part than the necrophiliac part... so it was basically funny because you'd expect him to value racism as less embarrassing than necrophilia.

Another interesting time there was a seduction in one of my games was when the party cleric dressed himself in drag to seduce the plan of the villain out of him. The villain saw through the disguise immediately, but continued playing along with the seduction, and even charmed the character so he'd follow him up to his rooms (without the intention of discussing the evil plan further) and the rest of the party had to save him from a romantic first date. It was a situation where the villain was created bisexual for flavor reasons, and it wasn't supposed to come up for a long time, but at first contact with the players, the cleric's latent homosexuality (which also wasn't supposed to come out for a long time) both ended up coming up in like, the third session.

Vodun
2007-03-19, 08:58 PM
One time I saw the party's bard (a one-time player who never touched the dice again) attempt to seduce a Homunculus named Pepito, becuase he (ooc) thought that they were the things you see in that show Full Metal Alchemist.

I do believe that later he stuffed poor Pepito into a magical cannon that liquified him.

Renrik
2007-03-19, 09:06 PM
I once DMed for a paladin who, in the very early stages of the campain, had fallen in love with an NPC druid who was adventuring with him. I spent months building the sexual tension between them. They were fighting to hold a last bastion in an elven forest against undead armies when I decided to have some fun with the subplot.

While the paladin was praying on the mountainside before the battle, he heard the druid's footsteps, and turned around to find her there, dressed not in her battle gear, but in a rather sensual dress.

They moved towrds eachother, and they exchanged honeyed words. At ths point, the other party members started paying attention, wanting to hear if the paladin was going to get lucky.

He held her in his arms, the sexual tension mounted higher and higher. He ran his fngers down her spine and they kissed.

At which point I got to say:
"As you passionatrly embrace her, a sweet feeling of true bliss washes over you...
...soon to be replced by a feeling of pure dread as you lose one level to the succubus impersonating your companion."

Everyman
2007-03-19, 09:06 PM
That's...that's...wow. I don't even have words for how wrong that sounds.
...
*Shudder*
Something Positive jumps to mind now. (Perhaps why it sounds so horrible...)

Ramza00
2007-03-19, 09:23 PM
New Swashbuckler character option
http://wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/cwc/20070227x
Optimizing said option (I'm too sexy for my shirt)
http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=801375

:smallsmile:

Dervag
2007-03-19, 10:39 PM
And I thought Narcissus was bad... :smalleek:That is Narcissus.


Moral of the story: It's enitrely possible to f___ your way out of a f___ing mess if you play your cards right.Of course it is. Why do you think they call it that?

Vodun
2007-03-19, 11:29 PM
I once DMed for a paladin who, in the very early stages of the campain, had fallen in love with an NPC druid who was adventuring with him. I spent months building the sexual tension between them. They were fighting to hold a last bastion in an elven forest against undead armies when I decided to have some fun with the subplot.

While the paladin was praying on the mountainside before the battle, he heard the druid's footsteps, and turned around to find her there, dressed not in her battle gear, but in a rather sensual dress.

They moved towrds eachother, and they exchanged honeyed words. At ths point, the other party members started paying attention, wanting to hear if the paladin was going to get lucky.

He held her in his arms, the sexual tension mounted higher and higher. He ran his fngers down her spine and they kissed.

At which point I got to say:
"As you passionatrly embrace her, a sweet feeling of true bliss washes over you...
...soon to be replced by a feeling of pure dread as you lose one level to the succubus impersonating your companion."


That was just mean.

Renegade Paladin
2007-03-19, 11:52 PM
Yeah, and the paladin smites the hell out of the succubus afterwards if he realized what was going on after the first kiss. A negative level hurts, but it isn't the end of the world.

Lord_Kimboat
2007-03-20, 12:29 AM
The best one I have was actually at a Living Greyhawk con. Our party was camping deep in enemy territory and naturally setting watches. The male monk was on watch and all was well when the DM informs us that he hears someone coming and sees in the moonlight a woman, probably a refugee, coming down the road. Her dress is ripped and she looked hurt (yes, it was actually a succubus).

The monk, who must have been from a celebrate order or something (or maybe was just power gaming), woke the female, Halfling, rogue - played by the 15 year old daughter of one of the triad members! He sends her out to investigate.

The poor DM was then on very shaky ground trying to do the seduction scene with a minor who's father would probably try to kill him later. We managed to rescue the Halfling and I'm probably violating the vow of silence that I was forced to take by writing this. Sill, I haven't say a word while typing :smallsmile:.

storybookknight
2007-03-20, 12:45 AM
More mean DMing: A group of players were running into trouble in a fey forest which was positively swarming with all sorts of monsters. Injured and bleeding, they stumble into a nymph's grove. The party bard proceeds to roll a natural twenty on his (optimized) diplomacy check.

In and of itself, this was not the problem. The problem occurred next spring, when she presented him with his son. The look of shock on the player's face was stupendous.

Payne
2007-03-20, 02:59 AM
Good stories all around!

I only have a couple of duds.
The 'queen bee' type of LArper gamer girl who kept using her characters to hit on me.
I was glad at first but backed off when I realized she had a boyfriend.. and pulled that trick on anyone willing to "rescue" her from her current boyfriend (whoever it may be at the time)

Then there was the group who was so anal-retentive no one could do things outside the rulebook (2ed AD&D) and only a special plot-favor and house rule allowed me to get lucky with the city's head cleric.

The "roleplay" (LoL) of it went somewhat like this:
GM: You use up your "fall in love" card on the head cleric
Me: Yes! I will shower with magical trinkets and dazzle her with..
Other players: he better not get favors from that. It's unfair
Me: errr... No, I just want some romance for my PC...
GM: Yeah, you only get her if you marry her. She won't have it any other way.
Me: sure, I guess I can be traditional and romantic ...
GM: Now to other business

Me: ... :(

Big, boring letdown