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View Full Version : Roleplaying How to play a dwarf that lost his beard? (and the amusing story of how it happened)



Bacchanalian
2014-10-22, 04:42 PM
TL;DR: Due to a rather hilarious encounter with an undead troll and some firebreathing liquid of some kind in very close quarters, my dwarf cleric has managed to burn his own beard off. How do I play this? The fighter in the group is partially to blame for my dwarf being in that situation to begin with, or so my character has decided. Either way, help me start sketching out the character from here--this is a fairly new campaign and so our characters are still developing, so this feels to me like a defining moment in his adventuring career.


Long, funny version:

I've been playing a 3.5 campaign with some friends and a DM I actually met on Reddit, and last night things took a turn for the hilarious.
My character is a dwarf cleric who happens to be exceptionally strong, exceptionally clumsy, and not terribly bright. Other key characters in this anecdote include the fighter who's a big game hunter of sorts and thus interested mostly in skinning/beheading anything we kill as a trophy, and the dwarf rogue who recently joined our party and seems to have a solution for everything.

So we're fighting a quasit we find in a room with a massive sarcophagus. The door to the room has a pit in front of it with spikes at the bottom, maybe 10 feet deep. Easy enough to hop the corner and get over if you're careful.

The fight with the quasit got to be a pain in the butt, we had the thing pinned but people were waffling on whether or not to kill it (just because it talks doesn't mean it's not CE and about to eat my face). It inevitably almost escapes and we then kill it, but the indecision and delay which imperiled my dwarf's life as he was one of the two holding it made him grumpy. Amusingly enough, after hacking it nearly in half with my greatsword, I summoned a celestial monkey on it to cast smite evil and nuke that last 1 hp it probably had left. The party were quite amused by the extent of overkill I threw at it.
While the team discusses turning the little thing into a trophy, I march over to the sarcophagus, cast bull's strength on myself, and attempt to tear it open. I manage to disturb it and bust the clasps holding it shut, but can't lift it. Moments later, something enormous inside of it lifts it for me, and out comes an enormous undead troll. We have time to back off before combat starts.

It starts by smacking our fighter upside the head for quite a bit of damage. The solution-for-everything dwarf rogue produces an acid flask that he throws at the troll, so it's now covered and dripping acid. I try to turn it, since I'm a cleric and all and have never used my turn undead ability before, and succeed smashingly. I then yell for everyone to run for it, because frankly the thing is going to slaughter us, and I turn and excitedly run to leap the pit. 8 dex, scale armor, and a bastard of a d20 later, I'm at the bottom of the pit, having only slightly impaled myself on the spikes, wondering how the hell I'm going to get out.

Our fighter didn't notice this development, but when he sees the troll booking it towards the door, he comes up with the genius idea of tripping it into the pit to neutralize it. At this point I'm starting to sketch out an idea for a new character in my head.

Massive undead troll plummets into the pit, miraculously not landing on top of me and squashing me, but now I'm 6 inches from the thing and barely able to move. With acid dripping on me. Only thing I can reach is my wineskin, which I had filled with some fancy liquid earlier in the dungeon that apparently allows you to breathe fire if ingested. So lacking for any other ideas, I take a giant mouthful of the stuff and unleash hell on the troll. Of course, given the close quarters, this turns out to not be the brightest idea in the world, and while I miraculously don't burn myself, I burn the beard right off my own face. On the bright side, I hurt the troll pretty badly, and my party is able to finish it off.

Now of course, the problem becomes I'm a 4'6" dwarf at the bottom of a 10' pit wearing scale armor and carrying a greatsword. Partially underneath the corpse of an undead troll that probably weighs as much as a Ford F2-50 turbo diesel. But never fear, I have Enlarge Person, so I make myself 9 feet tall or so, and with some help from my party, I manage to climb out.

So here I am, a beardless dwarf. How does one play a dwarf who is pissed off that his fighter dropped an undead troll on his head and fully blames him for his beardlessness? Ashamed to go out in public? Do I wear a wrap around my head? How do I bear the shame, and more importantly how do I RP this? Finally, how long will it take to grow back?

The Oni
2014-10-22, 04:53 PM
Probably depends on the Dwarf's general personality, but nobeardshame is definitely a thing. I'm thinking headwrap or fullhelm.

Dwarves are pretty hairy fellows so it'd probably grow back to a respectable beardiness in a month or so, though it will likely take a few years to return to its former glory. No wonder he's mad.

Bulhakov
2014-10-23, 05:45 AM
I would treat it with a lot of humor. Just think of your exposed chin as your "private parts".

"I can't just go around showing so much skin on me face! I feel nekkid!"

"In me homelands only dirty dirty sluts shave their faces!"

Of course some sort of scarf is a must. Or maybe a "veil of shame"?

I would also milk it for all the self-depreciating jokes I could:
- "My neck is soo cold. If I catch something, I'm coughing an all of you!"
- "I can't stand all these new smells I'm perceiving! It's so strange not being able to smell what I had for breakfast."

Grim Portent
2014-10-23, 05:54 AM
I would recommend making references to your beard that stop partway through.

Stuff like 'by my beard that's a good price,' becomes 'by my bea... oh, right.'

The_Werebear
2014-10-24, 10:44 AM
Question - Is it permanently seared off, or is it just a temporary setback?

If it's temporary, shave off the remains and get a clean start. I agree with the "wear a face covering" in the mean time. If anyone questions, explain that it's like a cast for a broken leg, or a bandage on a wound. If you can take up alchemy to make potions of hair growth or research beard growing spells, go for it.

If it's a permanent loss, it's time to get pragmatic. The "solution for anything" dwarf can probably find you a wig/beard thing that you can use, but I'm more of a fan of finding a magic item that permanently maintains the Silverbeard paladin spell from the Spell Compendium. If you're going to have to replace your beard, you might as well upgrade. If I recall correctly, the spell grows you a glowing silver beard that grants a +2 sacred bonus to AC and a +2 bonus on Diplomacy checks on Dwarves, so it should be a culturally awesome thing. (I'm away from my books atm, so I can't double check this, but I'm pretty sure on the name and particulars).

Goggalor
2014-10-24, 02:46 PM
Question - Is it permanently seared off, or is it just a temporary setback?

If it's temporary, shave off the remains and get a clean start. I agree with the "wear a face covering" in the mean time. If anyone questions, explain that it's like a cast for a broken leg, or a bandage on a wound. If you can take up alchemy to make potions of hair growth or research beard growing spells, go for it.

If it's a permanent loss, it's time to get pragmatic. The "solution for anything" dwarf can probably find you a wig/beard thing that you can use, but I'm more of a fan of finding a magic item that permanently maintains the Silverbeard paladin spell from the Spell Compendium. If you're going to have to replace your beard, you might as well upgrade. If I recall correctly, the spell grows you a glowing silver beard that grants a +2 sacred bonus to AC and a +2 bonus on Diplomacy checks on Dwarves, so it should be a culturally awesome thing. (I'm away from my books atm, so I can't double check this, but I'm pretty sure on the name and particulars).

You are correct on the benefits of Silverbeard, as I just checked the Spell Compendium. It is a level one spell.

However, you might be able to get away with a permanent item of prestidigation for growing a beard (it has to be a permanent item as prestidigation goes away after an hour). It would be slightly cheaper this way, but nowhere near as awesome as a silver beard which gives an armor bonus.

Aron Times
2014-10-24, 04:23 PM
My longest-running dwarf character didn't wear a beard because of aesthetic and practical reasons. First, he was raised by humans, who don't have a beardless taboo. Second, he sees beards as a liability in combat since they can be grabbed by the enemy and used against him. Third, beards are lice factories, so when he's in the middle of an adventure in a dark and dank dungeon and doesn't have access to regular hygiene products and facilities, it is a big problem.

#2 and #3 are the main reason why armed forces the world over, with very few exceptions, require soldiers to cut their hair short and shave their facial hair. Militaries are pragmatic by necessity; if long hair and facial hair didn't have these disadvantages, they wouldn't require haircuts and shaves in the first place.

The Hanged Man
2014-10-24, 04:34 PM
Play Dwarf Donald Trump and comb your sideburns across.

Aron Times
2014-10-24, 10:44 PM
Anyway, it's generally accepted that magic can bring the dead back to life, but for some reason it can't regrow or regenerate hair follicles? Hm...

Zrak
2014-10-24, 10:49 PM
Do they have cigars in your campaign setting? If so, there really isn't a better option for facial-hair replacement than greasepaint.

You will have to rename your adventuring company "The Party in the First Part," though.

Ettina
2014-10-25, 08:10 AM
Massive undead troll plummets into the pit, miraculously not landing on top of me and squashing me, but now I'm 6 inches from the thing and barely able to move. With acid dripping on me. Only thing I can reach is my wineskin, which I had filled with some fancy liquid earlier in the dungeon that apparently allows you to breathe fire if ingested. So lacking for any other ideas, I take a giant mouthful of the stuff and unleash hell on the troll. Of course, given the close quarters, this turns out to not be the brightest idea in the world, and while I miraculously don't burn myself, I burn the beard right off my own face. On the bright side, I hurt the troll pretty badly, and my party is able to finish it off.

LOL! You lost your beard from drinking! How very dwarven of you!

Anonymouswizard
2014-10-25, 04:46 PM
It really depends on the dwarf. For example, in a setting I'm currently making for GURPS dwarves only keep short beards if they have them at all, because they don't want it to catch fire when their forging. Unfortunately a human bard accidentally mistranslated the word 'axe' in an old dwarfish legend, leading to other cultures knowing of them through the line:

"And he waded into the battle, bearing a great beard..."

Which most dwarfs chuckle at. Many a human has been surprised when, after he has taken a dwarf's beard as a trophy, for the dwarf to calmly get out a mirror and remark that he needed a shave anyway.

Of course if your dwarf is more traditional, time to start moaning that you look like a kid barely about to begin his first apprenticeship :smalltongue:

(Un)Inspired
2014-10-28, 04:37 AM
You're dwarf should speak in a falsetto until his beard grows back