I cast Whither Limb: The Dysleximancer

[Jeff the Green]

I couldn't come up with a non-broken way to homebrew one, so I'll have to do the next best thing and ask y'all what you'd misspell if you were playing a dysleximancer.

And yes, I already thought of "rouge".

[enderlord99]

There's always "meatier swarm!"

[Muggins]

Summon Scorn, which summons the eldest player's mother, father or partner (your choice) to tell off 1d4 players.

[nedz]

Compromise Languages

[Heliomance]

I prefer doing this as a metamagic feat - Misspell Spell. +1 spell level adjustment per letter added, removed, swapped, or changed.

Favourites:

Furball
Acid Bog
Explosive Prunes
Bestow Purse
Control Pants
Control Minds
Dancing Knights
Holy Drow
Mice Storm
Invincibility
Magic Bar
Make Hole
Silent Mage
Produce Fame
Project Mage
Shield Otter
Wall of Mice

And, of course, Unlimited Wish.

[Broken Crown]

Altar Self: Lets you cast Consecrate or Desecrate on yourself at its enhanced effect.
Animate Dad: Self-explanatory
Charm Mobster, Dominate Mobster: Very useful for those gritty urban campaigns
Create Walter: I have no idea who Walter is, or what his stats are; I just like the sound of this one.
Drawmij's Instant Simmons: Conjures the bass player from KISS
Frog Cloud: Like Insect Swarm, but with amphibians.
Horrid Quilting: Self-explanatory
Mordenkainen's Lubrication: Countless uses
Protection From Weevil: Very limited version of Repel Vermin
Neutralise Poisson: Sovereign protection against fish
Ray of Enweeblement: The target creature wobbles, but does not fall down.
Shatner: Makes... the target creature... talk... like this.
Sheep: Puts 4HD of creatures to sleep, but only if they can count.
Summon Shawarma: For a quick bite to eat.
Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Daughter: Self-explanatory

[prufock]

I've actually incorporated this idea in my long-running campaign, but more as "discount items" at Bunko's Bargain Basement (Bunko being a gnome who has a low-cost magic item shop in just about every town).

Disguises Elf. The target's ears grow pointy.
Gloves of Argyle Striking. Whatever you hit temporarily changes colours to an argyle pattern.

[Red Fel]

Zone of Cold: Actually surprisingly effective. Requires material focus (warm, comfy jacket).
Cone of Scold: Conjures chastising language from your mum in a 60-foot cone.
Scone of Cold: Conjures a delicious pastry that's been sitting in the freezer just a bit too long.

And my favorite...

Control Whether: Gain absolute control of causality over a two-mile radius for 4d12 hours.

[Eldan]

Well, there was a famous old error in correcting some AD&D book or other (a list of spells or magic items, I think?) where someone had to replace all instances of "mage" with "wizard" and did so rather carelessly via some kind of autocorrect. WHich resulted in things like the "Silent Iwizard" and "Programmed Iwizard".

WHich I will for this, consider as "I, wizard". So, Silent I, Wizard, turns you into a wizard with ranks in move silently and still spell. Major I, Wizard, turns you into a really strong wizard. Etc.

Then there was "damage" which became "Dawizard". Which summons, well, Da Wizard to your location. THe one and only Wizard. Acid da Wizard, who casts acid spells. Da wizard also scores points, somehow.

[Jeff the Green]

Furball

And its lower level, more pleasantly scented cousin, firball.


Acid dog: As SMI, except only a riding dog and instead of celestial it's acidborn.
Analyze women: Explains to nerds why they don't get dates. Really just a magic mouth spell that says "Shave the damn neckbeard already".
Apathy: Yeah, I'm just not up to writing something funny here.
Animate pants: Because it's funny to watch the barbarian go haring off chasing a pair of trousers in nothing but his skivvies.
Arcane glock: I know what you're thinking. "Did he cast six orbs of fire or only five?" Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. But being this is an invisible twinned maximized enlarged searing spell orb of fire cast with arcane spellsurge, the most powerful fireball in the world and would blow you head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?*
Less weapon: See OOtS #1.
Can lightning: Focus: a kite and a key.
Colon spray
Continual blame: Mostly useful for rogues to UMD. Cast on the party barbarian and no one will suspect you of robbing your party blind.
Dancing wights: For when you want to make a music video and start the apocalypse at the same time.
Discern pies: After extensive arcane and eldritch dweomers and magecraftings, I have determined **sticks finger in pie and licks it** this is a cherry pie.
Endure elephants
Eyemite: Target is nauseated and shaken. No save. (http://uglyoverload.blogspot.com/2010/06/youre-little-eyelash-buddies.html)
Finger of meth
Floating ****
Goat sound
Arm
Ate
Eel
Hold sword For when you forgot to check whether the mercenaries you hired know which end to grab it by.
Horrid quilting
Mice story: Summons the ghost of Brian Jacques to tuck you in.
Incest plague: :smalleek:
Hump: No, not that, you pervert. It turns you into a camel.
Mage's Lubrication: It's for the paladin's creaky armor. Obviously.
Magic car: Just watch out for trees with fists.
Male
Miss direction: Just ask at the next stable, dammit.
Modify mammary: Usually cast in pairs, of course.
Poisson
Wench
Mead Magic
Scream
Sculpt soul
Shadow conjugation: Opaca fundo, opaca fundis, opaca fundit, opaca fundimus, opaca funditis, opaca fununt
Song of Discworld
Spell "staff": Unless the target succeeds on a DC 5 Intelligence check they are compelled to go sit in the corner wearing a cone on their head.
Sconeskin: The secret of this spell was lost when its creator was devoured by the rare-but-deadly yuppie giant.
Sympathetic vibrator: This spell was viciously suppressed by the mages' guild as they were terrified that men would become obsolete.
Tiny hutt: It's all relative, I suppose.
(Prismatic) whale (of force/fire/ice/iron/stone/sand/etc.)



And, since I didn't say just spells:

Goremaster: Transform the mild-mannered librarian into raging murder-beast.
Bread Wizard
Soul Beater
Warrior of Dorkness
Hunter of the Mead: Dwarf only, obviously.
Warp-priest
Perfect Night: You are the living incarnation of romantic evenings.
Plainer Champion: See, the last knight we had stationed here was just more... stylish, I guess.
Deepwood Snipe: The creature suddenly disappears, its existence remembered only as vague urban legends and pranks.
Tamer of Breasts: He's a wizard when it comes to making bustiers.
Ooze-mater: There's two interpretations of this one. Both require ample brain bleach.
Illithid Servant
Master of Files
Champion of Llanfair*pwllgwyn*gyllgo*gery*chwyrn*drobwll*llant y*silio*gogo*goch
Initiate of Piscis Sophia: Converts the holier-than-thou monk into a thrall to Dagon.
Urbane Servant
Mild, Plain Outrider
Gay Guard
Drunken Mater: This is actually the reason dwarves drink so much. With their Charisma penalties they need really thick beer-goggles.
Dragon Layer: Even oozes can enter this PrC.
Illithid Layer: :smalleek:
Hellraver: Because, whatever else you say about them, nalfeshnees are boss DJs.
Astral Prancer: Prerequisite: must be a pony.
Master of None: A prestige class especially for those who don't like weeaboo fighting magic.
Monk of the Wrong Death: A secretive order of assassins. Very bad assassins, but assassins nonetheless.
(Have You) Seen Mother's Whip?: Your mom and I love each other very much. We just express our love in a different way.



And, the worst for last: FATAL fame. Instantly makes FATAL the trendiest, most popular new game. In fact, your local gaming store has thrown away their entire inventory to make room for the FATAL books. And they throw rocks at you if you ask about finding a D&D, Fate, or GURPS game.

*Yes, I know it wasn't a glock. Granted, I only knew that because I looked up the quote, but I still know it.

[Dimers]

Fair -- All living creatures in a 30' cone must have a good time with rides, greasy food, overpriced games of skill and animal shows for 2d4 hours.

Magic'll Miss -- Target can't be hit by the next spell that targets them.

Magical Miss -- Target becomes a young girl until successfully dispelled.

Vomitfall -- Large-area spell that inflicts acid damage and nausea.

Ice Fine -- Collects gp from creatures with the (Cold) subtype.



And from High Priest Spooner's Spook of Bells, we have:

Dame Flagger -- Waves down the nearest minor female noble.

Spire Fighters -- Summons 2d4 acrobatically inclined humanoid warriors to aid you in a rooftop battle.

Sue Treeing -- Turns overpowered, too-perfect DMPC self-inserts into trees.

Lackblight -- Removes disease-spreading abilities from target creatures.

Wight of the Bare Wolf -- Summons an undead, energy-draining, shaven canine.

Flakbuyer -- Lets you get money for giving somebody a hard time, like the professionals in that Monty Python sketch where they guy stumbles into Abuse and Being Hit On The Head Lessons before finally finding the argument seller.

And the classic Swarm of Embarassed Animals, which the Reverend Doctor Spooner researched himself because he wanted to deal his enemies a blushing crow.

[Inevitability]

Quite Relevant. (http://www.myth-weavers.com/showthread.php?t=260554)

[ZamielVanWeber]

My friend actually ran this as a class called Comedic mage. All I remember is Minute (tiny) Meteor's (2nd ed spell I guess?) back Minute (60 seconds) Meteor's and good times were had by all.

[The Grue]

Create Walter: I have no idea who Walter is, or what his stats are; I just like the sound of this one.

Careful, that one's potentially game-wrecking.

http://unrealitytv.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/bryan-cranston-walter-white.jpg

...brb, drawing up stats for Walter White.

[Duke of Urrel]

Because of personal annoyance at the persistent misspelling and mispronunciation of a certain combat action, I would like to submit

the coup de gras (pronounced "koo de grah"),

whereby you instantly kill a helpless creature by smothering it in fat.

[EisenKreutzer]

Acid Sparrow?

[Galen]

Well, there was a famous old error in correcting some AD&D book or other (a list of spells or magic items, I think?) where someone had to replace all instances of "mage" with "wizard" and did so rather carelessly via some kind of autocorrect. WHich resulted in things like the "Silent Iwizard" and "Programmed Iwizard".
Not to mention some burn spells were now dealing 1d6 points of dawizard per level.

[Broken Crown]

Careful, that one's potentially game-wrecking.

...brb, drawing up stats for Walter White.

Creates a ruthless, high-level alchemist? Scary, but it works for me.

Bigby's Interposing/Forceful/Grasping/Crushing Ham: Like the more common version of the spells, but with a pig's thigh instead of a hand.
Divine Flavour: Makes the target taste delicious.
Hypnotic Patton: Summons the American WWII General. You can't look away.
Rainbow Patton: As above, but he's leading a Pride parade. No save.
Remove Purse: Grants a bonus to Sleight-of-hand checks to pick pockets.
Simulacrumb: Coats meat in illusory breading.
Otto's Irresistible Dunce: Grants the target a large CHA bonus, but a corresponding INT penalty.

[Duke of Urrel]

Wired: bestows upon the subject a powerful, but illusory caffeine high.

[AnonymousPepper]

Otto's Irresistible Dunce: Grants the target a large CHA bonus, but a corresponding INT penalty.

Otto's Irresistible Pants
Conjuration (Creation)
Sorcerer/Wizard 5, Bard 2, Cleric 5, Paladin of Freedom 3
Casting time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (25ft + 5ft/level)
Duration: 1 round/level
Saving Throw: Will negates (Harmless)
Components: V, S, M (a scrap of material from any item once worn by a bard)
Alternative material components: One piece of gold-inlaid clothing (25gp) (Extend); one pair of pure gold-threaded parachute pants (900gp) (Persist)

Grants the target a pair of the untouchable bard MC Hammer's parachute pants, giving a +4 sacred bonus on caster level checks to overcome spell resistance and a +2 bonus to their spell saving throw DCs.

[Jack_Simth]

And, of course, Unlimited Wish."The power of this wish is not limited by anything, not even the will of the caster. On casting, the DM removes the caster from play in whatever manner seems funny at the time."

[Sartharina]

And from High Priest Spooner's Spook of Bells, we have:

Dame Flagger -- Waves down the nearest minor female noble.

Spire Fighters -- Summons 2d4 acrobatically inclined humanoid warriors to aid you in a rooftop battle.

Sue Treeing -- Turns overpowered, too-perfect DMPC self-inserts into trees.

Lackblight -- Removes disease-spreading abilities from target creatures.

Wight of the Bare Wolf -- Summons an undead, energy-draining, shaven canine.

Flakbuyer -- Lets you get money for giving somebody a hard time, like the professionals in that Monty Python sketch where they guy stumbles into Abuse and Being Hit On The Head Lessons before finally finding the argument seller.

And the classic Swarm of Embarassed Animals, which the Reverend Doctor Spooner researched himself because he wanted to deal his enemies a blushing crow.

You win the thread.

[Phelix-Mu]

Storm of bards, from the same campaign that brought us gems like necrotic AIDS, Mr. Magoo Lich ("where did I put my glasses?"), and Pelor the Pimp.

EDIT:

"wanted to deal his enemies a blushing crow."

Indeed, there is much win therein.

[Eldan]

I now have this kickass image in my head. Three bards, flying in formation in classic superhero poses, holding different instruments, in front of a black storm cloud, lightning flickering...

[Dimers]

You win the thread.

Aww, thanks.

In D&D cosmology, Dr. Spooner is clearly a priest of the bestial and violent Malar -- he claims that "the Lord is a shoving leopard."

[Honest Tiefling]

Seriously? No one has mentioned this one? (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/magesLucubration.htm) That one actually caused me, a person with dyslexia to really wonder WTF I was reading for a few seconds.

Then again, I guess that is just a grease spell?

[Sartharina]

Seriously? No one has mentioned this one? (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/magesLucubration.htm) That one actually caused me, a person with dyslexia to really wonder WTF I was reading for a few seconds.

Then again, I guess that is just a grease spell?Actually, Mordenkainen's Lubrication has been mentioned several times already.

[Honest Tiefling]

Well, now I just feel silly, since I am too used to the more generic names.

[Extra Anchovies]

Actually, Mordenkainen's Lubrication has been mentioned several times already.

Not only that, but it's an actual spell (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/grease.htm)!

Target or Area: One object ;)

[D4rkh0rus]

Lemme give it a try :O

Ray of Floss: strike an enemy with a stream of floss (instantly cleaning their teeth?)
Massage: Conjure a professional masseur to relieve you of all stress
Presto di Giton: Conjure some form of pasta monster....? what?
Detect Secret Lores: DM must reveal any hidden plot lines within 30ft.
Floating Whisk: Creates a 1ft long whisk to aid you in your culinary goals.
Shocking Gasp: Create a thematically appropriate gesture of surprise.
Cause Feels: Target must pass a will save or succumb to dah feels.
Animate Pope: (For all your dead vatican leaders....)
Teleport Objection: Summon Phoenix Wright.
See Invincibility: reveals invincible creatures or objects.
Remove Curs: Rids you of any dirty dogs following you around. Also applies to pirates.
Block Tentacles: Number one defensive spell if you are a japanese school girl.
Summon Pog: Conjure one of many flat discs of incredible fun, each casting conjures one of 99 different designs!
Lice Storm: Targets must make a fortitude save or forever forfeit their hair.
Persistent (I)Mage: summons an annoying spellcaster to make your life worse.
Passhall: Allows you to cross the hall, even if there are moderators.
Pope Trick: As many as 8 adventurers can hide in an extradimensional pope.

[The Grue]

Not only that, but it's an actual spell (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/grease.htm)!

Target or Area: One object ;)

A friend of mine began a campaign with a Wand of Grease with twenty charges expended. We never dared to ask what he used them for.

[nedz]

A friend of mine began a campaign with a Wand of Grease with twenty charges expended. We never dared to ask what he used them for.

Amusing new character flaw: You go through a Wand of Grease every couple of months or so ...

[Sartharina]

Do you know how hard it is to get cinnamon and caramel rolls out of those pans?

[The Grue]

Do you know how hard it is to get cinnamon and caramel rolls out of those pans?

Is that a euphemism? :smallconfused:

[Honest Tiefling]

I just have to know what body part that could possibly refer to.

[Sartharina]

Is that a euphemism? :smallconfused:No. Quite the opposite. There are plenty of innocuous uses where lubrication's important. Cooking can be one, if the lubricant is food-safe. Machining is another.

[nedz]

The rules are silent as to whether Grease is food safe or not.

Anyway, back on target

Any spell with a semantic component should be safe for our Dysleximancer, so long as he uses Still Spell.

[Jeff the Green]

Do you know how hard it is to get cinnamon and caramel rolls out of those pans?

I've never really cooked anything in less than 1 round/level. Nor really done anything else that require lubrication.

[squiggit]

Up until last week I thought the spell's actual name was Mage's Lubrication. Completely serious.

[Jormengand]

A mix of a few that might be useful (Discern Vocation might be good if it tells you someone's class) and a lot which are a load of rubbish but a load of fun.

Aced Frog
Air Talk
Alight Weapon
Alter Elf
Analyze Dreamer
Animal Goth
Animate Dread
Animate Pope
Arcade Lock
Ban
Bardskin
Beer's Endurance
Bestow Cruise
Black Test... no, I'll leave that one to you.
Lad Barrier
Burning Hans
Cause Beer
Charm Parson
Kill Meta
Circle of DEAT
Clodkill
Colour Spay
Command Pants
Cone of Cod
Confucius
Concentrate
Contact Otter Plane
Control Pants
Continual Fame
Cure X Hounds
Cause Water
Dorkness/Dorkvision
Days
Death Gnoll
DEAT Word
Deep Lumber
Deeper Dorkness
Demon'd
Distraction
Detect Animals or Pants
Detect Spying
Detect Secret Boars
Detect Snares and Prats
Detect Troughs
Diminish Pants
Discern Flies
Discern Vocation
Disguise Elf
Repel Chaos/Good/Law/Evil/Magic
Divine Flavour
Deem
Earthquack
Enlarge Parson
Elemental Storm
Explosive Dunes
Furry Fire
Beer
Fablemind
Fund Traps
Finger of Wrath
Fair Trap
Firebull
Fame Arrow
Flame Laid
Flaming Queer
Flair
Fish to Stone
Fry
Farcemage
Forceful Hound
Gaseous Farm
Gait
Girl Touch :smallwink:
God Hop
Hail Undead
Ham
Hates
Heel
Hate Meta
Hold Parson
Holy Sit
Ike Storm
Illusory Well
Imbue With Smell Ability
Impulsion
Incendiary Clod
Inflict X Hounds
Inanity
Insect Plaque
Interposing Wand
Ion Body
Irresistible Lance
Gimp
Kick
Legend Law
Alight
Lightning Belt
Limited Wash
Lactate Creature
Midge Armour
Midge Hound
Magic Circle Against Cakes
Magic Moth
Mark Hole
Mark of Just Ice
Maize
Meld Into Stain
Minding
Messes
Meter Swarm
Mend Bank
Mend Frog
Miner Creation
Moment of Preciousness
Mint
Nondefection
Obscuring Mast
Order's Goth
Overland Fight
[Donkey]wall
[Donkey] Without Trace
Phantasmal Kisser
Phantom Rap
Fey's Door
Plainer Ally/Binding
Pillow Ray
Power Word Bind
Power Word Kiss
Power Word Sin
Player
Protection From Sells
Clench
Range
Rainbow Patton
Roy's Dead :roy:
Roy of Exhaustion
Raid Magic
Produce Animal
Produce Parson
Refuse
Remove Cause
Remove Beer
Resilient Smear
Reverse Gravy
Righteous Mite
Rap Track
Rusting Gasp
Scar
Scorching Roy
Scene
Seeing Light
Spending
Semester
Spades
Shadow Dork
Shocking Gasp
Shot
Violence
Spay Living
Seep
Snow
Stare
Solid Fig
Sound Breast
Speak With Pants
Spill Immunity
Spell Turing
Spider Clime
Statute
Stone Toll
Summon Mobster
Summon Nature's Alloy
Simon Swarm
Symbol of Sheep
Thyme Stop
Tiny Hat
Transmute Mud to Rack :smallcool:
TRANSPORT VIA PANTS!
Trap the Seal
Unseen Savant
Vale
Whale of the Banshee
Wall of Forks
Wall of Eyes
Wall of Ions
Waiter, Breathing
Wash
Zone of Tooth

[spikeof2010]

Unseen Savant
Shakechange
Limited Wash
Beard
Salmon Monster I
Blank
Ethereal Taunt
Stoveskin
Shadow Vacation
Shapes
Dimensional Dork
Misspell Magic
Mess Weapon
Again this is
Time Top
Contentancy
Sim A Cruel
Reality Division
Mindgrape

Edit: Partially Ninja'd

[Marlowe]

Exhibitionist Retreat - Gives access to an extra-dimensional nudist colony where the party can rest and get to know each other better.

Nice Slick - Creates a stylish and fashionable waterproof raincoat.

Protection from Errors - Allows the caster to reroll all natural 1s.

Gust of Rind - sudden hail of citris fruit husk falls on target.

Hypnotic Slattern - I'm not even going there.