Bugging a Friend to DM?

[Amaril]

My current Pathfinder group is about to finish up a big campaign we've been playing for years. Although I definitely want to see it through to the end, lately I've been growing more and more dissatisfied with our DM. He's great at building a compelling long-term story, but...that's about it. His system mastery is lacking, he roleplays only occasionally and with little skill, he's far too long-winded and takes minutes on end to answer simple questions (when he manages to answer them at all), and the short-term content of each session is blatantly lifted straight from modules--not a bad thing, except he makes no effort to hide the fact that it's just because he can't be bothered to come up with anything original anymore. Now that the end is approaching, the group is talking about starting up something else with 5e next, and I'm really not sure I want to stick with it.

I have another friend who, though I've never actually played anything with her, seems to share all my important DMing preferences, and she was talking recently about running a 3.5e game, the system I most want to play right now. When she first brought up the idea about a month back, I made it clear that I was extremely interested; since then, we've only spoken about it once, when I asked her a few weeks ago whether she was still planning on doing it. She said she was, and that she would let me know when things started moving forward in earnest, but she's never mentioned it since.

I'd really love for that game to happen, and I want to ask her about it again, but I'm worried bringing it up more than once would be annoying and inappropriate. Can I safely mention it again, or should I just let her handle things?

[mephnick]

Just remember, a good player with good ideas doesn't necessarily mean a good DM. They're completely different processes. I've seen people with the books memorized completely shut down due to stage fright, and 'imaginative' people completely stress out when asked to actually produce something concrete week after week.

So I wouldn't pressure her if she seems hesitant to actually do it.

Why don't you DM?

[Amaril]

Just remember, a good player with good ideas doesn't necessarily mean a good DM. They're completely different processes. I've seen people with the books memorized completely shut down due to stage fright, and 'imaginative' people completely stress out when asked to actually produce something concrete week after week.

So I wouldn't pressure her if she seems hesitant to actually do it.

Well I know she's DM'd before for other people, I've just never been in one of her games. From what she's told me, though, her style sounds like just my cup of tea.


Why don't you DM?

Umm...see above :smallfrown: On top of that, I just enjoy playing a lot more than I enjoy DMing; I want to have a character, I want to be participating in the story and the world, not just managing them.

[Vitruviansquid]

DMing is a huge amount more work than playing, and I'm given to understand that 3.5 is even more work for the DM than most other systems.

In my opinion, asking someone to DM a game is kind of like asking a roommate to buy ice cream for the house. You and your roommate both end up with delicious ice cream, but she was the one to drive to the store.

[Milodiah]

DMing a scenario is one thing, anyone can DM a scenario with twenty-four hours' notice. But a campaign is a huge time investment. It's the difference between writing an essay and writing a novel.

[Amaril]

DMing a scenario is one thing, anyone can DM a scenario with twenty-four hours' notice. But a campaign is a huge time investment. It's the difference between writing an essay and writing a novel.

Trust me, I am aware. I don't actually know what it was she was offering, but it sounded to me like she wanted it to be a campaign, or at least a scenario of her own making.


DMing is a huge amount more work than playing, and I'm given to understand that 3.5 is even more work for the DM than most other systems.

In my opinion, asking someone to DM a game is kind of like asking a roommate to buy ice cream for the house. You and your roommate both end up with delicious ice cream, but she was the one to drive to the store.

Yeah, that's a good comparison. I would never dream of asking someone to DM if they hadn't already offered to do it of their own accord (I might say things like "man, you should DM more often, you're really good at it", but I wouldn't make specific requests). It's just the fact that she actually had done this that made me wonder a little what was appropriate and what wasn't.

As it happens, my specific problem was solved for me; another of the potential players told me that she'd just recently mentioned still planning to run the game, so at least I know it's still happening.

[Nagash]

Of course ask her. I mean this is your FRIEND right? And your chatting about a shared interest like friends do.

Would you hesitate to chat with her about a new restaurant you heard had opened or a TV show you both like? This is no different. Just chat with your friend. You can do that without "bugging" her. You just say

"heya a couple weeks ago you said you had a campaign idea in mind, well mine is wrapping up and I was wondering where your at with it and if you would like to run one for us when this one ends soon".

Thats not a high pressure statement or obnoxious bugging, its chatting about a shared interest and following up on an old conversation. Hell friends talk about things a lot more controversial then "oh yeah did you want to run that game"? all the time. This is less then nothing. Just ask.