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View Full Version : Funniest. Encounters. Ever.



Argent
2007-03-22, 10:50 AM
In our gaming session last night, our group was invading a Thayan keep that had been overrun by the undead. After navigating a few trap-laden rooms, we found an important-looking doorway. Unfortunately, turns out said doorway was guarded by two caryatid columns that turned our guard escord into sashimi and then came after the rest of us.

My rogue, figuring our meatshields could use the assistance, pulled out his tan Bag of Tricks and tossed a furball behind one of the attacking caryatids. Furball ended up becoming a rhinoceros -- which would have been great, aside from the fight being on a five-foot-wide ledge right next to an open spiked pit. DM ruled the rhino would need a Balance check to stay on its feet... check failed, and the rhino went immediately into the pit. Oh, yeah, and then falling on top of a ghast that had been lurking at the bottom.

The mental image of a rhino appearing out of nowhere and immediately falling into the pit like Wile E. Coyote (and splatting the hapless ghast at the bottom) was the darn funniest thing I'd seen in a long time, and we spent about five minutes laughing before the rest of the combat could take place.

So what's happened in your campaigns lately that made you laugh so hard you couldn't breathe?

Toliudar
2007-03-22, 10:58 AM
We have a gnome druid character who's a real tree-hugger type. Very much into talking to the animals, walking with the animals. Not so good with the combat.

At about level 4, she's not a melee machine by any stretch of the imagination. We've just kicked the butts of a bunch of goblins fortified in a tower, and are exploring some of the interior rooms. One of the rooms is reported to have the sound of small animals, possibly rodents, on the other side. These are actually a bunch of rats and weasels that the goblins have starved, tormented and taunted into a state of rabid fury.

So, when the rogue reports the animal sounds, the druid lines up to open the door. Sees a bunch of small furry shapes huddled across the room. Steps in. The player even made the little kissy sounds that people seem to make to draw pets' attention.

The animals attacked en masse, and essentially swarmed her. As she started screaming "Get them off! Get them the **** off!" and two of the other characters (and players) tried to attack the tiny furballs of terror without hitting the druid, the other players - and, they decided, their characters - were literally rolling on the floor, unable to participate.

This fight did way more damage than the entire goblin unit, that had been dealt with with precision and smart tactics. The same player is still playing the druid, but has lost her open love of small animals.

Deus Mortus
2007-03-22, 11:03 AM
Every now and again, our DM thinks up an encounter way to hard and I as the party wizard have to PaO the encounter and I always make them squirrels.

Now two sessions ago we were all trapped in an alternate dimension where everyone faced the most powerfull foes they hadn't killed yet. This was a sort of test thingy, lots of backstory, now he forgot that I always let my squirrels go, I think it's sad enough that they were polymorphed into squirrels. So I enter the dimension and 20 powerfull spellcasters from the arcane university my char demolished face me, so I turn to the dm and say "Aren't those squirrels higher CR?" he flushes and says yes, so there I am, 20 angry squirrels looking at me. I fly up and let the carnage begin, this is also the reason why I'm chaotic evil now. I used to be chaotic neutral, but my DM ruled that since I was laughing like crazy and didn't tell it was OOC my char was laughing and was evil.

Now whenever I polymorph something into a squirrels, I use major image to show them what I have done to those other squirrels and tell them that's why they shouldn't come after me...

Galathir
2007-03-22, 11:05 AM
Our group has had several humorous encounters, but I'll share one that happened only this last Tuesday. The encounter in it self wasn't that funny, but the context was.

The leader of the capital on a large island asked our party (lords and smaller rulers of the island) to find and defeat a horrible hill giant and his followers. He was obviously expecting this to take several days at the very least. Instead our wizard casts scry, finds the giant, and then teleports us right to his camp. Our entire party gets a surprise round and we soundly defeat about 25 of the level 7 goblin rogues defending the giant. We kill the giant in another one and a half round (Overwhelm from me, then a flurry of blows and coup-de-grace from the ranger). Then about two rounds to gather the treasure and then teleported back to the leaders throne room. Total time elapsed: about 30 seconds.

Cost of a scry scroll: 700 gp
Cost of a silver mirror: 1000 gp
Look on the leaders face when we brought him the news: Priceless.

ExHunterEmerald
2007-03-22, 02:16 PM
Our cleric picking up a burning halfling and throwing him at a troll.
The damage roll was enough so that it shatters.
We invented the Molotov Halfling.

Vodun
2007-03-22, 02:34 PM
Our cleric picking up a burning halfling and throwing him at a troll.
The damage roll was enough so that it shatters.
We invented the Molotov Halfling.

Wasnt this the same party that actually burned down the entire building they were in? The same party where the paladin decided to use a burning troll's arm as a weapon instead of his own gear?

kellandros
2007-03-22, 02:37 PM
Wasnt this the same party that actually burned down the entire building they were in?

Can you be any less specific? I mean, hasn't that happened to everyone sooner or later, or sooner and later?

Vodun
2007-03-22, 02:39 PM
Can you be any less specific? I mean, hasn't that happened to everyone sooner or later, or sooner and later?

Well I remember this story from an earlier thread that consisted of a party trying to rescue the paladin, where they found that a halfling was teaching a troll to read. When the party heard troll, everyone went insane and started lighting everything they had aflame. EVERYTHING.

but of course I got that all wrong, but the point is that I remember alot of fire.

tarbrush
2007-03-22, 02:46 PM
Can you be any less specific? I mean, hasn't that happened to everyone sooner or later, or sooner and later?
You forget that in D&D fire isn't strong enough to damage buildings :)

Muurgh
2007-03-22, 03:14 PM
Well this is more of a bad luck story, but we all found humor in it. My character, who previouisly had crit hit himself for triple damage earlier in the game was up against a dragon. being the only one in melee at the moment, it was a dwarf who loved to fight if he stopped he could make great strategy but normally didnt want to wait, so anyways doul wielding to axes, i crit fumble and loose one, no problem i have multiple specialization and one happens to be in hand to hand, i do a minimum of 12 points of damage in hand to hand i have a reasonably high thaco, only had to roll an 8 or 9 or better to hit the dragon i think, but no, next round, I crit fumble again, break my hand. Now the chances of this happenig with my numbers were slim, but when punching a dragon thats a very good possibility. Moving on. broken arm, put in a splint because we had no magic healing. Four weeks for it to heal. First fight after its better, this soldier crit hits me and severs the arm that just got better. After I kill him with me good arm we rush me to the next town, where I got VERY VERy lucky. DM gave me a 15% chance of someone being in this town that could re attach my arm, i rolled a 15. so he puts my arm back on, messes it up, so everything is at a minus 2 with that arm. eventually we found a high enough level healer that could fix me but even then we had to re sever the arm before re attaching it. That was a long hard road for that dwarf, whos name was actually Muurgh.

ExHunterEmerald
2007-03-22, 03:47 PM
Wasnt this the same party that actually burned down the entire building they were in? The same party where the paladin decided to use a burning troll's arm as a weapon instead of his own gear?

That's the one. We weren't so much "fire crazy" as "trying to kill that damn troll."

Ravyn
2007-03-22, 03:53 PM
It was supposed to be a simple troubleshooting mission. Find Anathema, destroy Anathema, report. But several fanatical cultists, a bunch of burning buildings, and far too much time without sleep later, we were starting to think there was something more going on.

And then we got to his headquarters, and things got ridiculous. It was an old mine. Still in use, at that. And we're sneaking through, hear someone coming, try to hide--and our poor Fire Aspect botches his stealth, falls into a mine cart, and goes bumping down the tunnel.

On the plus side, he found our targets. The catch was that finding him was a bit tricky. But soon enough, we meet the enemy...

...and he is a numbskull.

Imagine a man with two magitech guns and a grudge against one of the PCs, backed up by a confused guy with a staff. Now imagine that he has a very short temper and can't stand not to be taken seriously--and half the PCs live by their sharp tongues. That was Seven Steel Viper, or, as I renamed him after throwing him into an incoherent rage by getting his name wrong ten times in the span of a minute, Half Dozen Pincushion.

So his companion calls for the guards--and the person nearest the door is my character, who isn't much of a fighter but IS a high-quality manipulator. So as the guards come pounding up to the closed door, I sing out, "His Radiance is being entertained right now; I'm sure it would be terribly embarrassing for you to come in!" And giggle. It just gets raunchier from there--because my idea of bluffing the confused mortals is basically turning EVERYTHING that happens and everything he says trying to convince them I'm lying into innuendo from then on. (The mortals' responses to this are pretty priceless too.) The fact that he used guns and his companion had a staff that was "harder than normal wood" made it far too easy. My teammates were in stitches.

...which ends, as Pincushion flees swearing revenge, with the delicate little talker who started this all shouting after him, "And to think, all of this could've been avoided if someone had remembered his safeword!"

The Great Skenardo
2007-03-22, 03:53 PM
Borrowing a leaf from the Wizards site, I had my players encounter the Dread Calzone Golem!
While investigating the home of a purportedly-puissant pastry purveyor wizard, the group wandered into the basement, where it turned out that the baker had just finished the final touches on a golem made of buttery crispy crust, and molten tomatoes and cheese. The encounter was amazing.
The ranger stepped in to attack the golem, and was sprayed with sclading hot grease and tomato sauce for his trouble. The pyro rogue found a drum of cooking oil and overturned it, thinking to burn the golem up. However, the heat just caused the golem to get harder and crispier, increasing its natural armor!
Finally, the ranger managed to lop off one of the golem's arms. In the next round, however, the golem reached into its own arm socket and retrieved a gob of steaming-hot molten cheese and flung it at the ranger, scalding him further and entangling him.
They eventually beat it, but the wizard explained apologetically later that "it was probably the mushrooms that made it go berserk like that."
He made them lemonade and cupcakes to make up for it.

Viscount Einstrauss
2007-03-22, 04:02 PM
One of the PC's in my campaign is a Shadow Creature. He missed the session before last, so I DEM'd him away by saying he entered a random portal. When he came back last session, I explained that he was called back to the Shadow Realm to recharge his energies (and now no one will ask any questions about glaring plot holes). So, he got a solo adventure in trying to find his way out again. He met with a shadow giant right by the portal to the real world who refused him access unless the player beat him in a duel. So, the player accepts and attacks him.

Then the giant backs up, surprised, and starts yelling at him. Another shadow creature pops in and grabs his sword, saying-
Shadow: "What are you doing?!"
PC: "Dueling. He said I had to duel him."
Shadow: "Right, I get that. But why did you hit him with your sword?"
PC: "But... we were dueling...?"
Shadow: "No, that's not how we do things here. You need to duel him with shadow magic."
PC: "I don't know any."
Shadow: "That's what this box is for. Now go over there and wait your turn."

So the PC got a weird, small box. He walked a few meters away and opened the small box to find... cards. With weird pictures on them.

Player, OOC: My god. This is Yu-Gi-Oh, isn't it?
Me: You're in the Shadow Realm. I just really couldn't resist.

I ad-libbed the card game they played, making specific mentionings that none of the cards had any text on them whatsoever- they just had funny pictures, and the player had to figure their context out by guessing. He nearly lost, but then decided he'd had enough of this nonsense, ran over to the other side of the game, and just killed the giant with his greatsword.

The other players were rolling.

OzymandiasVolt
2007-03-22, 04:14 PM
If only the show were like that.

Deus Mortus
2007-03-22, 04:18 PM
Yeah I watched the show a couple of times and I kept thinking, "Why doesn't anyone have a gun?"

Golthur
2007-03-22, 04:18 PM
This is back in old AD&D:

Our group - wandering through some dungeon (I don't remember which), stumbles onto a barracks with some sleeping guards.

Thief <whispering>: "We could kill them in their sleep."

Fighter: "That wouldn't be very honourable".

Fighter starts beating his shield.
Fighter: "Wake up! Wake up! We're going to fight you now!"

Guards get up, start to grab weapons, put on armour - get it about halfway on, leggings half pulled up, etc.

Fighter: "Wait - there's more of them than I thought. They might win. ATTACK!"

Jade_Tarem
2007-03-22, 04:19 PM
This combonation of actions, taken in one round, made this fight.

Our party was fighting your average hezrou.

Our rogue had slick armor.
Our rogue had an insane pickpocket skill.
Our rogue had an equally high tumble skill.
Our rogue had an immovable rod.
Our rogue had a dirty mind.
Hezrous have no clothing.

We named the maneuver "David's Persistant Suppository."

Viscount Einstrauss
2007-03-22, 04:20 PM
I'm never sure if I love or hate that show. I certainly watch it enough. Something about how completely preposterous and laughable the entire show is holds my attention. Like watching a train wreck where the passengers are all clowns and they're actually crashing into a gigantic cream pie. That's on fire.

Serenity
2007-03-22, 04:32 PM
For that matter, why doesn't anyone know the function of any card not in their deck?

Woot Spitum
2007-03-22, 05:02 PM
I once played a game where our party barbarian killed an ooze by throwing bodies at it (which due to their weight, deal fairly impressive damage). Now mind you, he was taking massive negatives. But this was an ooze. With an AC around four, this actually became a viable tactic.

In another game, a friend of mine actually posessed a demon.

Fax Celestis
2007-03-22, 05:15 PM
Animate mind-controlling garbage. Need I say more?

Vodun
2007-03-22, 05:18 PM
Citing one of my own, even though I haven't been playing for very long, was a very, very odd Stone Giant who was using an elder black pudding for storage of metal objects. he was able to retrieve his stuff because the ooze was kept in a pit, with a giant colander at the bottom, so when he lifts the colander, the ooze seeps out, leaving his stuff in the bowl. He had named the pudding "squishy". Our party, all rogues of the seven core races (dont ask), was supposed to retrieve a steel barrel from the giants lair, which was coincidentaly inside the pudding. Because the giant was out, doing gianty things I suppose, we just decided fire was the way to go. So after throwing many a flaming object, some oil, and even a flask of alchemists fire, Squishy was turned into a pit bon-fire. unfortunately burning ooze smells so godawful that you can whiff the stuff for miles. Therefore, the giant came back, saw what happened to his poor sweet squishy, and promptly annihalated us.

Muurgh
2007-03-22, 05:49 PM
Another misadventure of Muurgh, after the crit hit to himself but before the terribly luck with the arm we came on a small outpost, the enemy was sleeping, so once all was said and done everyone we were fighting was only wearing what they wore to bed, mainly pants or less. Well i had just specialiazed in hand to hand, these guys werent wearing armor, again doing minimum 12 damage per hit i figured no big deal. untill the two guys i were fighting crited me 2 or 3 times in a row, actually knocked me unconcious. very emberrassing for a fully armored dwarf.

Tengu
2007-03-22, 06:16 PM
Interesting stuff
What game was that, may I know? Exalted?


This combonation of actions, taken in one round, made this fight.

Our party was fighting your average hezrou.

Our rogue had slick armor.
Our rogue had an insane pickpocket skill.
Our rogue had an equally high tumble skill.
Our rogue had an immovable rod.
Our rogue had a dirty mind.
Hezrous have no clothing.

We named the maneuver "David's Persistant Suppository."
Now that Hezrou can become a paladin - he meets one of the prerequesites!

Jade_Tarem
2007-03-22, 06:21 PM
Now that Hezrou can become a paladin - he meets one of the prerequesites!

Well, yeah, but the whole LG thing might be difficult for a demon to pull off. That and the fact that he's dead now means that his latest and final line of career was "immobile violated target."

Deus Mortus
2007-03-22, 06:24 PM
Remembered another, me (wizard) and another wizard had a game going on, we had made two paddles with an antimagic shell around the hitting part of it, then we created a magic item that when thrown did 300d6 damage in a one mile radius, so when you hit it with the peddle nothing happened with the anti magic shell, but if it hit the ground, you were a goner, we placed magical blastwalls around the playing field so only the guy who missed got hit. Now we played this with all kind of buffs on, so we never were in any real danger, though it would hurt a lot.

Now we had just returned of a mission and middle of the city, we started playing nukeball, we summoned our playing field and soon enough a lot of people were watching. At this point the other wizard crits a few checks of the game and did what we thought was impossible, shoot it out of the court. It hit the plaza of light (all the orphanages and hospitals were in there), so imagine two wizards watching the ball flying away, muttering curses and seeing it hit in the worst place in the whole wide world. Soon after the pantheon of good gods smited the other wizard, but thankfully I got away, since I didn't do anything. The other wizard actually put up a good fight, but you can't fight 12 gods with the alter reality ability, I believe he's still burning in a pit of hell specially made for him.

Now when anyone suggests to do anything ridiculous and dangerous just because we can, someone will say "nukeball" and the other will drop the suggestion right away. Murphy really got us on that one.

Tengu
2007-03-22, 06:25 PM
Well, yeah, but the whole LG thing might be difficult for a demon to pull off. That and the fact that he's dead now means that his latest and final line of career was "immobile violated target."

Details! Just bring him back to life in one way or another, and put a Helmet of Reverse Alignment on him.

Okay, it'd probably not be worth the hassle, but he'd be a perfect watchman - never able to actually leave his post.

ExHunterEmerald
2007-03-23, 01:14 AM
Two words.
The Fabulich.

HeinleinFan
2007-03-23, 01:20 AM
There was a recent mission where our character encounters ourselves-as-we-might-have-been. So my LG elven rogue meets up with her NE assassin counterpart. I realize what this is early on - it's pretty obvious, for some of my companions - and start talking smack to my assassin self. My character has a longstanding disdain for lawful people, so it was very in character so say some quite cruel things to her. Meanwhile, she's just smiling at me and not saying anything as I finger my poisons-of-doom and contemplate my touch AC of 28.

She shoots me. A sudden move, taking me off guard ( to compensate for my level-inappropriate wealth), and she hits me. I fail the Fort save and die.

Yeah . . . I was kind of incredulous. Everyone else sort of paused for that critical second and burst out laughing. I mean, my character is the rogue of "Ooh! You missed! Oh, look! You missed again!" and hasn't been hit with anything deadly for a long time due to really good reflexes and a mind that isn't half bad. And she is pwned by one Death Attack.

When she popped back out of the mirror we were fighting in, she vowed to go back and kick that assassin's butt. We're just waiting for the chance . . . Ring of Feeblemind 1x/day, anyone?

Skyserpent
2007-03-23, 01:41 AM
Big Manticore blocking a downard hall
Step 1: Glitterdust blind.
Step 2: Metamagicked 120ft line Grease spell.
Step 3: Bull rush.
Step 4: ROFL!

jlousivy
2007-03-23, 02:47 AM
The hardest battle my group ever fought was when we were level 1.
avariel elf (commoner lvl 1 till 4) + sorcerer + fighter + bard + rogue + cleric.

Note my DM was using the critical fumble rules.

we are on horseback (no one has a single rank in ride).

12 badgers attack.

Hillarity ensues.

Bard and cleric wind up with a dagger in their backs, one horse gets decapitated, sorcerer falls unconcious. These things had like 6 hp.
The battle lasted about 20 rounds, and no-one had more than 1/2 hp.

SpatulaOfDoom
2007-03-23, 02:51 AM
In an older game that I DM'ed there was an arcanist hating fighter who, during a botched infiltration of a formal dinner, found himself un-armed in a kitchen facing a powerful sorceror. He grabs a nearby cast-iron frying pan and procedes to cave in the sorcerors skull (triple twenty insta-kill). Rather than grab the sorcerors quarterstaff or dagger he holds on to the frying pan as he heads for the door. On the way out of the grounds he smashes the handle off a locked door and beats down a couple of mook guards with the self-same frying pan.

Thus a love-affair with improvised weapons began. By the end of the campaign he'd sold all his normal weaponry to have the frying pan (masterwork quality of course) enchanted to be a +1 flaming frying pan and picked up an adamantine frying pan, a +1 frost barrel (steel), and a masterwork coat rack. He used the flaming frying pan to cook and the frost barrel helped him cool food and drink.

ExHunterEmerald
2007-03-23, 03:21 AM
In an older game that I DM'ed there was an arcanist hating fighter who, during a botched infiltration of a formal dinner, found himself un-armed in a kitchen facing a powerful sorceror. He grabs a nearby cast-iron frying pan and procedes to cave in the sorcerors skull (triple twenty insta-kill). Rather than grab the sorcerors quarterstaff or dagger he holds on to the frying pan as he heads for the door. On the way out of the grounds he smashes the handle off a locked door and beats down a couple of mook guards with the self-same frying pan.

Thus a love-affair with improvised weapons began. By the end of the campaign he'd sold all his normal weaponry to have the frying pan (masterwork quality of course) enchanted to be a +1 flaming frying pan and picked up an adamantine frying pan, a +1 frost barrel (steel), and a masterwork coat rack. He used the flaming frying pan to cook and the frost barrel helped him cool food and drink.
...THAT'S AWESOME.

What were the stats used?

Nerd-o-rama
2007-03-23, 05:58 AM
Yeah I watched the show a couple of times and I kept thinking, "Why doesn't anyone have a gun?"

On the subject of Yugioh...

http://www.dailymotion.com/littlekuriboh/

Ashdate
2007-03-23, 06:10 AM
Me (the party wizard) and our group of level 3 combatants were down in a dungeon trying to find a vampire bugbear that kicked our ass last time. It caught us by surprise, immediately dominating the party fighter, and no one had the weaponry to get past it's damage reduction. It was only an extremely high roll by the party cleric to turn undead, followed by us dropping the fighter to negative hitpoints, that allowed us to escape.

So before we went back, I picked up a pair of scrolls of 'Command Undead' (I didn't have the time to scribe them into my spellbook). Next we meet him, I successfully Command'ed him on the first try, and told him the city above was going to be sending in a massive force to exorcise his ass, and his only hope was to turn into mist, and hide in an empty potion bottle I had.

"Drath'kar trust you because you Drath'kar's friend!' was his last words.

He burned beautifully in the afternoon sun.

Since then, whenever Drath'kar comes up our DM makes it a point to mention how I killed him with friendship.

- Eddie

Voleta
2007-03-23, 06:17 AM
Ashdate, that is horrible. And yet.. utterly hilarious.

marjan
2007-03-23, 06:25 AM
Me (the party wizard) and our group of level 3 combatants were down in a dungeon trying to find a vampire bugbear that kicked our ass last time. It caught us by surprise, immediately dominating the party fighter, and no one had the weaponry to get past it's damage reduction. It was only an extremely high roll by the party cleric to turn undead, followed by us dropping the fighter to negative hitpoints, that allowed us to escape.

So before we went back, I picked up a pair of scrolls of 'Command Undead' (I didn't have the time to scribe them into my spellbook). Next we meet him, I successfully Command'ed him on the first try, and told him the city above was going to be sending in a massive force to exorcise his ass, and his only hope was to turn into mist, and hide in an empty potion bottle I had.

"Drath'kar trust you because you Drath'kar's friend!' was his last words.

He burned beautifully in the afternoon sun.

Since then, whenever Drath'kar comes up our DM makes it a point to mention how I killed him with friendship.

- Eddie

I will never be your friend.:smallbiggrin:

Stick_Ninja
2007-03-23, 11:54 AM
Remembered another, me (wizard) and another wizard had a game going on, we had made two paddles with an antimagic shell around the hitting part of it, then we created a magic item that when thrown did 300d6 damage in a one mile radius, so when you hit it with the peddle nothing happened with the anti magic shell, but if it hit the ground, you were a goner, we placed magical blastwalls around the playing field so only the guy who missed got hit. Now we played this with all kind of buffs on, so we never were in any real danger, though it would hurt a lot.

Now we had just returned of a mission and middle of the city, we started playing nukeball, we summoned our playing field and soon enough a lot of people were watching. At this point the other wizard crits a few checks of the game and did what we thought was impossible, shoot it out of the court. It hit the plaza of light (all the orphanages and hospitals were in there), so imagine two wizards watching the ball flying away, muttering curses and seeing it hit in the worst place in the whole wide world. Soon after the pantheon of good gods smited the other wizard, but thankfully I got away, since I didn't do anything. The other wizard actually put up a good fight, but you can't fight 12 gods with the alter reality ability, I believe he's still burning in a pit of hell specially made for him.

Now when anyone suggests to do anything ridiculous and dangerous just because we can, someone will say "nukeball" and the other will drop the suggestion right away. Murphy really got us on that one.

This has to be the funniest thing I've ever heard and definately somthing I can see my friends doing. :smallbiggrin:

jonnyjmboy
2007-03-23, 12:19 PM
I was playing an almost unbelievably dense cleric in my first campaign. The BBEG is a suitably nerfed balor, with fewer HP and limited spells. While I was righteously attacking a demon just before the encounter, a helpful party member threw both an alchemist's fire and a thunderstone at the feet of said demon. I put the fire out, but was deafened.

Long story short, before the deafness wears off, I blunder into the main chamber, where my comrades are quietly hiding. A dude on a throne is in an argument with some supplicants, and my magic demon-sensing sword (don't ask) telepathically informs me he is a demon. I can't hear my companions, and advance on the enthroned demon. He makes a transformation to his balor shape, and undaunted I charge him. As this is my first campaign, I don't realize what a bad idea this is, and I'm also not sure if I can cast spells when deafened, so I don't.

his first roll is a crit with his vorpal sword (he wasn't nerfed THAT much).

Edit: this is much less funny when I see it on paper. my apologies.

Innis Cabal
2007-03-23, 12:27 PM
1st round against Dragotha(age of worms "end" boss) undeath to death....rolls a one....end of encounter

Artanis
2007-03-23, 12:30 PM
This one is from a 5th-level campaign in a bizarre homebrew setting.

The previous session, we had accidentally burned down a warehouse, and were arrested and taken to the local police station. My Warmage, being the closest thing to a diplomat we had, talked the cops into letting us keep our gear (since we weren't officially under arrest). The next day, I start trying to talk our way out of the police station, but as I did so, the Rogue got bored and decided that the best way to handle the situation was to torch the station. So, he went back to the unlocked cell where we had spent the night and proceeded to do exactly that.

I felt sorry for the DM, but we couldn't help but laugh as he tried to figure out a way to keep the campaign alive after our (more or less) good party became wanted criminals for burning down a police station...after burning down a warehouse...shortly after his last campaign had fallen apart when his players burned down a casino...

Lolzords
2007-03-23, 12:31 PM
We were versus a big ass mummy. Huge. About 20ft tall. After several rounds, it was obvious we wern't getting anywhere. Of course, me, being the hardy fighter, pulled out a bottle of whiskey he got from the bar earlier, and set it on fire with a torch. I lobbed it at the mummy and it exploded, dealing lots of fire damage. That would of been good, if I hadn't forgotten the mummy was standing on top of the cleric, who was burned to ashes.

ExHunterEmerald
2007-03-23, 02:08 PM
Edit: this is much less funny when I see it on paper. my apologies.

I dunno, the Leeroy Jenkins maneuver leading to a snicker-snack is pretty amusing in my book.

Did you at least have chicken, by any chance?

Roderick_BR
2007-03-23, 03:06 PM
This happened with my last elf wizard.
The group was crossing a room with a chess-looking ground. The druid and the fighter, after jumping some stones, and activating a couple traps, crossed it.
I arrived a little later, and asked what was the pattern.
Fighter: "jump on that first white stone"
Wizard(me): "Alright" *jumps*
Druid: "Wait, did we test that first stone, or we jumped direcly over it?"
DM: "Roll reflex."

In other ocasion, it was my last dwarf cleric, and the group was checking an old mine.
Fighter: "This is a mine cart? I push it towards the entrance and jump inside."
DM: "Are you sure?"
Fighter: "Yes."
DM: "Okay, you pushed the cart and it's moving fast. Your turn, cleric."
Cleric (me): "I'm entering the mine"
DM: "You see a mine cart running full speed towards you. Roll reflex."

After those, I stopped playing spellcasters :p
PS: It was the same player playing the fighters in these stories.
PS2: No, he didn't mean to kill me. The first time was a dire mistake, the second he was just being silly. Whenever he *really* wanted to kill me, he would usually hurt himself instead.

Vodun
2007-03-23, 03:07 PM
I already posted this in another thread, but I suppose it counts as an encounter.

On this players first game ever, he decided to play a bard.In our first encounter, he decided to attempt to seduce a messanger Homunculus named Pepito, becuase he (ooc) thought that they were the things you see in that show Full Metal Alchemist.

I do believe that later he stuffed poor Pepito into a magical cannon that liquified him.

Nahal
2007-03-23, 03:24 PM
Most of my funny encounters are sadly "You had to be there" situations, but the amount of damage I was able to do with magic missile spells in one campaign is truly ridiculous. I honestly think over 300 people died as a result of five or six castings, because of interesting circumstances. Here's the tally:

200+: A village of lvl1 NPC's that just happened to be within the blast radius of casting. I say blast radius because certain plot devices had an enchantment that caused any magical effect targetted at them to be amplified and visited upon all legal targets within a LARGE area. Side note, me later purged most of the magic from the campaign setting b/c of a dispel magic cast in the vicinity of several such enchanted devices, resulting in a cascade effect.
~100: Using magic missile to detonate a bomb inside the BBEG's temple, killing everyone but me.
1 major enemy: Sorceror (who had betrayed us previously) is sniped for 99 damage by two of my companions, and in a fit of annoyance I magic missile him. Turns out he had 100hp at the beginning of the encounter. I laughed, at any rate.
1 abomination: Dark elf-thing that grew out of a god's vegetable garden and literally ate magic. As in it grew a size category whenever it got hit with a spell. So again in a fit of annoyance I grow it until I can easily fit inside its ear canal. I then fly up and use one of the aforementioned bombs inside its skull, using a ring of quickened plane shift to vanish before the blast hit me.

Yeah, my GM swore a lot in that campaign. The worst part is I'm not the one who did the most damage to the plot by any means.

RandomNPC
2007-03-23, 09:10 PM
its more of a trap than an encounter, but its a funny trap.

party comes to a 20 foot pit, 30 feet deep, as wide as the hallway. yeay for them.

so the fighter talks about his grapleing hook, and says he's going to jump over the pit with a running leap and try to make it so he can hold the rope on one end and someone else can hold it on the other. the monk, who actually maxed out jump, says "im going to jump with him" so they both got hit by the trap.

seeing as they were leaping up, over the pit, when they leapt into the reverse gravity spell they shot up through the false ceiling UP a 50 foot pit, with spikes at the TOP. then the wizard dispelled the reverse gravity and watched them fall the 50 feet they origonally fell up, as well as the 30 feet they were trying to not fall into to begin with. the monk saved himself some fall damage with slowfall, but still hit the spikes, and the fighter had slippers of spider climb, so i don't know why he was even jumping, but he did.

Jannex
2007-03-23, 09:39 PM
its more of a trap than an encounter, but its a funny trap.

party comes to a 20 foot pit, 30 feet deep, as wide as the hallway. yeay for them.

so the fighter talks about his grapleing hook, and says he's going to jump over the pit with a running leap and try to make it so he can hold the rope on one end and someone else can hold it on the other. the monk, who actually maxed out jump, says "im going to jump with him" so they both got hit by the trap.

seeing as they were leaping up, over the pit, when they leapt into the reverse gravity spell they shot up through the false ceiling UP a 50 foot pit, with spikes at the TOP. then the wizard dispelled the reverse gravity and watched them fall the 50 feet they origonally fell up, as well as the 30 feet they were trying to not fall into to begin with. the monk saved himself some fall damage with slowfall, but still hit the spikes, and the fighter had slippers of spider climb, so i don't know why he was even jumping, but he did.

I knew there was a reason I never put ranks into Jump. It never ends well.

Glundrall
2007-03-23, 09:53 PM
Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion just so happened to be a spell I allowed in one of my games as a DM with the exception that the enemies might have it once in a while if someone in the party decided to take it.

No one had, until one fateful night. I did a random roll to check if the wizard they were fighting would know it and it turned out he did. Mind you, this party had one girl and she was fated to be stuck in the area. It just so happened that she had found a ring of sex change a few weeks before and one of the character yelled at her to use it and it might leave her alone.

To keep the rating of this post acceptable I will stop there and just say that she turned into a guy and no it did not stop. Laughter ensued and we all felt sorry for her/him.

PaladinBoy
2007-03-23, 10:05 PM
I have a pretty funny one. The reaction of one of the party members was really funny.

We were in a jungle, and found a clearing with some ruins. We cautiously advanced..... and promptly found ourselves surrounded by 6 enemies. My wizard came up first.

Wizard: "I move here...... and cast Marked Pulse."
Bard: "What's that do?"
Wizard: "It's PBAOE, damages stuff within 20 feet.
Bard: "Wait, I'M within 20 feet!"
Wizard: "And I get to pick which stuff gets affected."
Bard: "....... Oh."

Those two died. The warmage was up next. Let me just say that the DM was apparently not expecting the sudden widened fireball to be able to eliminate the next 4. Of course, it also blasted a large piece of jungle.

We had a druid in the party. He was not happy. We thought he might actually attack us. That, fortunately, was put off.... by the arrival of the second group of six enemies. Who didn't bother to spread out. One fireball and a lot of scorched jungle later, we were done. The druid was literally vibrating with rage. Of course, my character has a big mouth.

Wizard: "Hey, Belkon (the druid), isn't our warmage's battle magic great?"

I suppose I was lucky that he didn't attack me.

iceman
2007-03-23, 11:26 PM
In the only game I ever managed to get a character to epic level, our party wizard had gained the enmity of a demon via a deck of many things. After getting spanked the first time and having to ressurect our poor wizard we were preparing for the demon's return, Acertained when we brought our friend back to life. We had figured out the day when it would return via one of the divination spells. So three days before her return we began preparing in earnest, having leveled once or twice in the meantime. Finally the day came and we waited assured that our plan was solid. Then the time came and she plopped down admidst our group. Somehow I managed to go first and charged in about to deliver a blow that could have dropped her in one shot or at least come close to it. But it was not to be. Natually, I rolled a nat 1 fumble then with another roll for severity, and then launched my weapon some distance away. (I should point out at this point that we were not clear on some of the rules at this point in our gaming, and boofed some of the rules up. Like thinking that "at will" meant a free action to cast) Next it was the demon's turn and my dm turned to me and said make a will save, naturally I rolled another 1 and was summarily Imprisoned, via the spell, some distance underground. Next, she imploded our poor wizard, again. Finally, to wrap up a perfectly srewed up combat she ported out leaving the still hidden cleric and rogue to stand there wonder what in the name of god had just happened.

So after hours of careful prep time and strategizing the entire combat lasted less than a six seconds.

Chunklets
2007-03-24, 07:18 PM
A couple from an old first ed. campaign I was involved in:

Our party had gotten itself in some difficulties in a dungeon; the paladin was paralyzed, and we were all low on hp and resources. It was time to leave, and quickly. Unfortunately, we couldn't both leave quickly, and carry the paladin. So, we gambled. We poured an unidentified potion we'd found into the paladin, in the faint hope that it would remove his paralysis. Turned out it was a potion of levitation. So we tied a rope to the paladin, and hightailed it out of the dungeon, towing him along behind us like a balloon. Strictly speaking, we probably took some liberties with the rules for levitation, but it was funny nonetheless.

Another time, same party, we'd encountered a trapped bridge, which would dump anybody who crossed it into a fairly deep pit and then, and this would become important, reset itself. Fortunately, our thief (yes, it was called a thief in them days) was on his game, and was able to jam the trap's mechanism before any of us got ourselves into difficulties. Delving deeper into the dungeon, we eventually got access to the bottom of the pit, and it's resident guardian. I do not recall exactly what the guardian was, but it was large, slow, and dumb, and it had the ability to regenerate. Once again, we weren't in the best of shape by that point, so we ran back up through the dungeon and across the trapped bridge, with the monster in hot pursuit. Once across, the thief unjammed the mechanism, and the monster duly fell into the pit. So far so good, but it was at this point that things got amusing. The monster apparently had instructions not to give up pursuit, because back he came, up the stairs, across the bridge, and, of course, into the pit again. Rinse, lather and repeat, as it were. I think the poor monster ending up falling into that pit about ten times, while we simply stood there and watched it.

lacesmcawesome
2007-03-24, 10:01 PM
I had a previous DM who had several house rules. One of which was the fact that at any time he saw fit (i.e. when someone hit on his girlfriend, who also was in our party), he could cause a bovine intervention. Basically, a cow falls out of the sky, crushing your character, doing 30 damage, and we assumed that the cow rolled a nat-20 on its initiative and attack roll. (I mean, come on, it fell out of the sky. How can it not get the first move, and how can it miss? Seriously) So yea, that pretty much caused everyone to go into hysterics.

Not a Paladin
2007-03-24, 11:07 PM
Another time, same party, we'd encountered a trapped bridge, which would dump anybody who crossed it into a fairly deep pit and then, and this would become important, reset itself. Fortunately, our thief (yes, it was called a thief in them days) was on his game, and was able to jam the trap's mechanism before any of us got ourselves into difficulties. Delving deeper into the dungeon, we eventually got access to the bottom of the pit, and it's resident guardian. I do not recall exactly what the guardian was, but it was large, slow, and dumb, and it had the ability to regenerate. Once again, we weren't in the best of shape by that point, so we ran back up through the dungeon and across the trapped bridge, with the monster in hot pursuit. Once across, the thief unjammed the mechanism, and the monster duly fell into the pit. So far so good, but it was at this point that things got amusing. The monster apparently had instructions not to give up pursuit, because back he came, up the stairs, across the bridge, and, of course, into the pit again. Rinse, lather and repeat, as it were. I think the poor monster ending up falling into that pit about ten times, while we simply stood there and watched it.

That is hilarious. Just out of curiosity, how much falling damage would you take if you fell into the pit (on average), and how much would the creature have regenerated by the time it got back up the stairs and onto the bridge (that would be an amusing way to kill something; get it to fall into a pit until it dies)?

Thoughtbot360
2007-03-25, 01:04 AM
Yeah I watched the show a couple of times and I kept thinking, "Why doesn't anyone have a gun?"

because the bad guys prefer Invisible guns (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6k3YlcYtS0)


In another game, a friend of mine actually posessed a demon.

*Cheers for your friend* YEAH! ITS NOT SO FUN NOW IS IT, ABYSS BREATH!?

Dhavaer
2007-03-25, 01:13 AM
Fighting a Mr Rodgers monster with a pistol, a sword and a Power Ranger.

Nahal
2007-03-25, 01:38 AM
Fighting a Mr Rodgers monster with a pistol, a sword and a Power Ranger.
Whaaaaaa???

Dhavaer
2007-03-25, 01:44 AM
Whaaaaaa???

It only became visible in the presence of a Power Ranger toy.

Renegade Paladin
2007-03-25, 06:09 AM
The party wizard challenged a Red Wizard in the Hillsfar enclave to a mageduel. I had the Red Wizard enter the arena with greater invisibility running, only to quickly discover that the party's wizard had no means of dealing with that. So I taunted him. With cantrips. :smallbiggrin: That character has never gone a day without see invisibility prepared since. :smallamused:

Lycar
2007-03-25, 09:06 AM
Funniest encounter ever ? Well, the encounter itself wasn't so funny but... ah well, to get into the picture, it's still 3.0 E, the good old times where Improved Critical and Keen still stacked.. anyway, so our 3 man party of halfling rogue, human cleric and fighter (actually, fighter 8 / devoted defender 4) had been asked to clean out the dungeons under a monastery on some mountain or other.

We made good progress and defeated some minor encounters. Then our rogue reports he hears something ahead and scouts. Comes back and reports 2 hags in a room ahead, gathered around a cauldron and.. doing hag stuff.

So we hastily whip up a plan: We charge, our cleric casts flamestrike, and then the beating shall ensue. Sure enough, we charge, flamestrike gets cast on a pair of totally surprised hags and then....

Well, it took us by total surprise.

They surrendered ! :smalleek:

Not funny ? He... well.. that was the first time EVER that our DM had anything surrender to us. Everything else had thus far stubbornly insisted to be put to death. So we kinda had a crisis of faith here and had to spend a few minutes taunting our DM about it.

Okay, that was worth a few laughs (to us anyway).

So we tie up the hags (who were indeed behind all the stuff happening in the monastery dungeon) and bring them back to be dealt with by the monks.


Now our DM probably thought we got off too lightly (and maybe he was a wee bit sore for us ridiculing him earlier). Just as we were in the abbots office to report the success of our little expedition, a gate opens up.

Out steps some kind of (large) bug creature.

DM:"Roll for Ini !"

So we do, my gets lucky with an ini of 23 and goes first.

Me:"So how far away is that thing ?"
DM:"Just 10 feet."
Me:"He. Step and attack."

Rolling commences. Remember, that was when Impr. Crit. and Keen still stacked. Also the beasty was still flat-footed and i rolled well.

So two confirmed crits and a normal hit later i announce...

Me:"That..er... 92 points of damage."

Whereupon the bug-thing dissolves into a puddle of goo which quickly evaporated.

Now the face of our DM at that moment was priceless enough, but it gets better.

Cleric: "What was that thing ?"
Me. "Dunno. Probably nothing dangerous."

Our DM's expression was even better then. :smallbiggrin:

Later we asked him about it and he said, it was some kind of demon. Something that could really have given us a lot of trouble. If only it would ever have gotten the chance to act..... but apparently their weak point is that they don't have that many HP for their CR.

Now if anyone ever has been playing Jagged Alliance 2 ?

Remember Elliot ? We kinda wondered who send the bug-thing so...

"Hm... you know, i can kinda see it: BBEG 'Hm. Those pesky do-gooders defeated my hags but they shall pay the price ! Elliot ? Send forth The Bug !'
'The Bug ? Noo, not the Bug ! Er.. as you wish your Evilness...' ... later 'Ah Elliot, report. Did the heroes find their end in the mandibles of The Bug ?' 'I'm afraid not, your Evilness. I'm afraid they defeated The Bug.' 'Hrm... well, they were formidable heroes. But certainly some of them died ?' 'I'm afraid not, your Evilness.' 'But the they suffered greatly from The Bugs unholy powers ?' 'I'm afraid not, your Evilness.' 'Elliot ? Are you telling me, I send forth The Bug and it doesn't cruch those adventurers ? Not even maim them ?' 'I'm afraid... ' 'Elliot ! What in the name of the abyss happened ?!' ' *sob* It was horrible ! The poor thing was still disoriented from the gating in and.. and... and that horrible fighter just took his swod and ... and.... ' ' .. and ?!' ' ... *sob* and hacked the poor thing to peices ! *wah* ' 'Elliot you idiot ! Are you telling me that a mere fighter, the weakest of all core classes, destroyed The Bug in a single round ?!' 'I'm afraid....' 'RAR !'

We had a lot of fun with that. :smallbiggrin:


Lycar

Chunklets
2007-03-25, 06:09 PM
That is hilarious. Just out of curiosity, how much falling damage would you take if you fell into the pit (on average), and how much would the creature have regenerated by the time it got back up the stairs and onto the bridge (that would be an amusing way to kill something; get it to fall into a pit until it dies)?

I don't remember specific number, but my hazy recollection is that the monster was able to actually regenerate completely by the time it arrived back at the bridge and fell into the pit again. If that was the case, then in theory it could have continued cycle ad infinitum, and maybe it did; we eventually left it to its own devices and went off to explore elsewhere.

Necromas
2007-03-25, 07:05 PM
Our party encounters some sort of amorphous blob that is immune to slashing and piercing damage, yet none of us have bludgeoning weapons, and I, a Duskblade, was the only nuker seeing as the wizard was absent.

Although my character was a duskblade, I was low level and only had a few spell slots left, but it was enough to save the day by taking out over half of the monsters hp. We ended up dividing the sucker into a billion pieces with slashing weapons until they finally couldn't split anymore (each time it splits, each chunk gets half the hp, and a chunk can't split and will die at like 10hp) and died, taking a large amount of damage in the process.

In the next room, we ran into another of the same monster,
and I again saved the day when I remembered the improvised weapon rules, whipped out my 10ft pole (and the others said it was a useless item) and broke it up into 4 sticks of improvised whoop ass and handed them out.

El Jaspero, the Pirate King
2007-03-25, 07:15 PM
The encouter itself wasn't funny, but Indurain did have a wonderfull amusing solution to a statue inhabited by ghouls last night. Since all his character's weapons were two-handed and climbing requires at least one hand, he just started grabbing them and throwing them off the statue. Someone somewhere took a picture of us re-enacting the moment, hopefully it'll show up before long.

Edit: Ah yes, there we are (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2260457&postcount=386). Third spoiler.

Ximum
2007-03-25, 09:02 PM
Saturday, we started the Temple of Elemental Evil. I'm playing a Flind Fighter, and the rest of the team consists of a Skeleton Cleric of Nerull, a Dwarf Fighter, and a Goliath Barbarian. We threw caution to the wind and charged the front gates, expecting to be massacred.

The hobgoblins failed their Listen check.

No one was spared, not even the children.

Brauron
2007-03-25, 09:58 PM
There once was...the day of the BEARS!

In the middle of the night, the party is awoken by a wandering bear. The Wizard awakes grouchily, glares at the bear, and casts Sleep. Bear goes to sleep. Barbarian coup-de-graces it with his shiny new glaive, which was then christened "Bearslicer." I then turn the bear into a number of useful items.

The next day, we encounter three slightly smaller, angrier bears.

I have a backpack full of their salted, dried mother.

So I decide to try Intimidating the bears. Doesn't work. I try again. Doesn't work. The Wizard, with a negative CHA modifier and no ranks in Intimidate, tries to Intimidate the bears from 30 feet up in the air with boots of levitation.

All three bears lose control of their bowels and run away.

Three bears running in terror of the wizard provided us with enough XP to level up.

Neek
2007-03-25, 11:24 PM
I've got two funny encounters. Not going to say the funniest, but they're relatively so. Both of these involve my Barbarian/Sorcerer/Swordspell Gnome.

It was in a torture chamber deep within the mines of a backwater mining town. The party and I had progressed, cleaning room after room, saving miner after miner. As we got deeper in, however, we found an unusual level; the rooms were well decorated, fine rugs here, fine rugs there. And one room, whose entrance was shrouded in heavy curtains and had carpeting made of crushed red velvet.

I turn to a the party's cleric. "I've read this before in a book. Behind that curtain, there are beds. On those beds, there are women! Naked women! But they are not women, no! They are demons. With teeth... down there! I say, we don't go in there!"

A general consensus was made at that moment; we did not enter that room. The party and I continued our search, and took two lefts and we faced a path lead downward towards the crushed velvet room. I take point, and run down the path and turn a corner, entering a kitchen. Without even knowing what's in there, I scream "DON'T BITE MY **** OFF!" And I proceed to make a called shot at the nearest creature, at its crotch.

There were three ogres, just cooks, but ogres nonetheless. I roll a critical hit for my called shot, but I didn't confirm it. I move to the second one. Another called shot with my battle ax, and another hit. By this time, the party has caught up to me and engaged the enemy a little more... civilly? A moment later I cast Lesser Electrical Orb, again with a called shot, and hit.

There was not a single man in pain at the thought of what I was doing at that table.

The second funny encounter:

We left the dungeon for a little over a week, but we never left the same po-dunk mining town. During our stay there, some of the houses were being marked with red X's without much reason. I decided that I'll try to get to the bottom of this. I found a mouse, killed it, and then found an owl (with critical success!)

I cast Speak with Animal (my DM either houseruled it, or put it out of his head, that the Gnomish racial ability works with all creatures, not just burrowing--I didn't remember it at the time, and he didn't push it either). The Owl looks at me.

I say, "Owl, can I ask you a question? I'll give you a mouse."

Owl: "Duh... hi!" It hops around, constantly trying to look at me from different angles (like its back facing me and turning its head nearly around). "Oooh! A mouse!"

Me: "Have you seen anyone paint red X's on doors at night?"

Owl: "Uh... red X's... yes, I want mouse."

Me: "I'll give you a mouse if you answer my question."

Owl: "Mouse is good!"

Me: "Only if you answer my question."

Owl: "What about the mouse?"

In frustration, I gave the mouse to the owl, hoping the dumb creature would finally answer my question. It started to fly away the moment it gets the mouse in mouth. I'm miffed, so I cast Lesser Electrical Orb at it. Strike, but for minimal damage. I cast it three more times, all misses.

It dropped the mouse after the first hit. I pick it up and eat it.

The other party members are looking at me, shocked. I pick my teeth with the tail. "What?" I ask them, walking away.

Thoughtbot360
2007-03-26, 05:16 AM
I've got two funny encounters. Not going to say the funniest, but they're relatively so. Both of these involve my Barbarian/Sorcerer/Swordspell Gnome.

It was in a torture chamber deep within the mines of a backwater mining town. The party and I had progressed, cleaning room after room, saving miner after miner. As we got deeper in, however, we found an unusual level; the rooms were well decorated, fine rugs here, fine rugs there. And one room, whose entrance was shrouded in heavy curtains and had carpeting made of crushed red velvet.

I turn to a the party's cleric. "I've read this before in a book. Behind that curtain, there are beds. On those beds, there are women! Naked women! But they are not women, no! They are demons. With teeth... down there! I say, we don't go in there!"

A general consensus was made at that moment; we did not enter that room. The party and I continued our search, and took two lefts and we faced a path lead downward towards the crushed velvet room. I take point, and run down the path and turn a corner, entering a kitchen. Without even knowing what's in there, I scream "DON'T BITE MY **** OFF!" And I proceed to make a called shot at the nearest creature, at its crotch.

There were three ogres, just cooks, but ogres nonetheless. I roll a critical hit for my called shot, but I didn't confirm it. I move to the second one. Another called shot with my battle ax, and another hit. By this time, the party has caught up to me and engaged the enemy a little more... civilly? A moment later I cast Lesser Electrical Orb, again with a called shot, and hit.

There was not a single man in pain at the thought of what I was doing at that table.

The second funny encounter:

We left the dungeon for a little over a week, but we never left the same po-dunk mining town. During our stay there, some of the houses were being marked with red X's without much reason. I decided that I'll try to get to the bottom of this. I found a mouse, killed it, and then found an owl (with critical success!)

I cast Speak with Animal (my DM either houseruled it, or put it out of his head, that the Gnomish racial ability works with all creatures, not just burrowing--I didn't remember it at the time, and he didn't push it either). The Owl looks at me.

I say, "Owl, can I ask you a question? I'll give you a mouse."

Owl: "Duh... hi!" It hops around, constantly trying to look at me from different angles (like its back facing me and turning its head nearly around). "Oooh! A mouse!"

Me: "Have you seen anyone paint red X's on doors at night?"

Owl: "Uh... red X's... yes, I want mouse."

Me: "I'll give you a mouse if you answer my question."

Owl: "Mouse is good!"

Me: "Only if you answer my question."

Owl: "What about the mouse?"

In frustration, I gave the mouse to the owl, hoping the dumb creature would finally answer my question. It started to fly away the moment it gets the mouse in mouth. I'm miffed, so I cast Lesser Electrical Orb at it. Strike, but for minimal damage. I cast it three more times, all misses.

It dropped the mouse after the first hit. I pick it up and eat it.

The other party members are looking at me, shocked. I pick my teeth with the tail. "What?" I ask them, walking away.

That Lesser Electrical Orb spell is getting a lot of use....

Maquis
2007-03-26, 08:50 AM
Not so much a funny encounter, but it did spawn a running joke. Although, when all bar the party Nuker, use the war cry "Too Dumb to Live" and the Nuker uses "Get Evasion", you know there is potential.

But anyway back on topic, Our party has arrived at a long abandoned temple of Pelor (marked on all maps we could find as the "Evil Box"), and managed to travers the quicksand moat surrounding the temple, only to be attacked by several zombies.

When the party consists of 3 rouges, who rely almost exclusivly on sneak attack, a tapped out sorceror and a cleric (Me), Zombies can be a bit of a challenege.

I eventually manage to turn the foul creatures, destroying all bar one of the zombies, who runs away, only to fall into the afore mentioned moat. Sinking up to his neck, he continues to run away doing laps around the temple.

Eventually we manage to make our way through the temple, and once again enjoy the light of day when we exit the dungeon via the temple roof, looking down, we can see the zombie survivor still doing laps in the moat, although the flesh has fallen away from his face, and since only his skull is showing, he is doing quite a passable Pac-Man imperssination.

Thus Bitey, The Moat Zombie was created.

Bitey, The Moat Zombie went on to make dozens of cameos throughout that campaign, eventually being used as a parts in several powerfull weapons, as by this point Bitey, the Moat Zombie has survived several near apocalypses, at close range, and soaked up a wide variety of mystical energies, which made his bones potent magical artifacts.

Seffbasilisk
2007-03-26, 04:28 PM
In one game, we were exploring an ancient dwomer ruin (weird elves from the past) and in the middle of a room, a blade-barrier trap goes off sending up a wall of swords flying around. The elven barbarian in the lead made his reflex save and only got slightly chewed, and decided to stay put on that side of the wall while we tried to find a way around it (I was playing a Warmage/Rogue and couldn't find a way to turn the trap off for a few more rounds. As we were going around, we heard the clash of combat, and ran back around to get flashes of combat through the wall as our barbarian was fighting for his life verse six undead soldiers. I started prepping myself drinking potions of virtue, having resistance cast on me, etc as I get ready to try a insane dive through the wall to help the elf, and the druid hurls an animal from her tan bag of tricks through. It is blendered. Good and hard.

Then out of the blue, our hapless sorcerer all of a sudden says "oh wait. Command Undead." and with repeated castings of it, takes control of the undead soldiers left and set them to fighting those not under his control.

It was incredibly unexpected, as the Lizardman sorcerer usually just 'Magic missile' or 'Fireball' and never cast any other spells. I remember I had my warmage/rogue turn and just stare at him for a bit. Here he was ready to risk life and limb in a crazy leap and the sorcerer's just 'zap. All better.' A few round after that the trap turned off and began resetting and I was able to disable it, but just that moment...

Neek
2007-03-26, 10:34 PM
That Lesser Electrical Orb spell is getting a lot of use....

A third level sorcerer only has so many options.

Thoughtbot360
2007-03-27, 04:40 AM
There once was...the day of the BEARS!


Stephen Colbert: "And the number one threat to America is-Bears! Oh, oh, wait, the some scwany, nerdy, leviatating guy chased them away.:smallconfused: "

Argent
2007-03-28, 01:46 PM
In an older game that I DM'ed there was an arcanist hating fighter who, during a botched infiltration of a formal dinner, found himself un-armed in a kitchen facing a powerful sorceror. He grabs a nearby cast-iron frying pan and procedes to cave in the sorcerors skull (triple twenty insta-kill). Rather than grab the sorcerors quarterstaff or dagger he holds on to the frying pan as he heads for the door. On the way out of the grounds he smashes the handle off a locked door and beats down a couple of mook guards with the self-same frying pan.

Thus a love-affair with improvised weapons began. By the end of the campaign he'd sold all his normal weaponry to have the frying pan (masterwork quality of course) enchanted to be a +1 flaming frying pan and picked up an adamantine frying pan, a +1 frost barrel (steel), and a masterwork coat rack. He used the flaming frying pan to cook and the frost barrel helped him cool food and drink.

Our group had a memorable cast-iron pan incident also -- during our invasion of a goblin lair, our cleric opened a door that apparently led to the kitchen, where the women and children goblins were hiding out. Hiding just inside the doorway was the goblin cook, holding a fry pan with a readied action. Cleric steps inside and PANG! Not only a hit, but a critical hit, one that dropped him like a bad habit. Absolutely hysterical.

Lord Tataraus
2007-03-28, 06:52 PM
Well here is a one-liner 'encounter' concerning one of my player (neutral evil rogue/assassin).

The party was going to plan a mutiny against the master of the merchant ship they were no (the captain never got on the boat, long story). Well there isn't much room to talk in private on a full merchant ship, so they decided to try discussing their plans in the cargo hold. So the group goes down...

DM (me): "You enter into the cargo hold where there are numerous crates and barrels containing various goods. At the opposite side of the hold, you see two guards (these were the ship master's private guards) standing at the far wall, they eye you suspiciously as you enter."

Rogue: "I go over and say to one of the guards 'Can I talk to you about Erythnul?'"

I was, of course, taking a drink at that exact moment, causing me to choke as I try to contain laughter, which causes the already hysterical players to laugh harder.

shaddy_24
2007-03-28, 07:20 PM
Our group had a memorable cast-iron pan incident also -- during our invasion of a goblin lair, our cleric opened a door that apparently led to the kitchen, where the women and children goblins were hiding out. Hiding just inside the doorway was the goblin cook, holding a fry pan with a readied action. Cleric steps inside and PANG! Not only a hit, but a critical hit, one that dropped him like a bad habit. Absolutely hysterical.

One time I ran a impromptu game for 2 of my players. One played a barbarian attacking a town and the other played a ranger on the defending side. They were both level 5. It was a contest of "who could survive longer". Well, the barbarian charged into some random house and killed the man with a crossbow inside. Looking around for treasure, he ran through the nearest door, right into the frying pan the old lady in the next room had readied. She rolled a critical and max damage, so I decided to have the guy do a fort save. He rolled a natural 1 and got stunned for a few rounds. We thought it was hillarious that a little old lady managed to almost KO a 7 foot tall half-orc barbarian in 1 hit.

The ranger lost. The barbarian horde burned a hole through the wooden wall and the ranger spent about 10 rounds trying to climb up onto the buildings accross from the breech. He failed so many DC 5 and 10 checks it wasn't funny. He couldn't even make the 5 foot jumps between buildings with his rolls. He fell so many times, and if he caught himself, he would fail the DC 5 climb check to get back up! No ranks in climb and no str bonus. When he finally made it there, he only lasted about 2 rounds before some druid blew him off with call lightning. I rolled the target randomly out of him and about 6 other archers at high ground, and what do you know. It was him. And it killed him.