"I too like to destroy beehives with nuclear weapons!" Mundane problem; crazy answer

[AnonymousPepper]

So a while back there was a thread where somebody asked for a way to make Duration: Concentration spells more useful without Sonorous Hum. My proposed answer was to go Planar Shepherd tied to the Astral Plane so that you could maintain concentration as a move with the right feat and still cast other spells as a swift because free quickens. The exact wording from me was "Easy. Be a Planar Shepherd..." and this prompted a response of "I too like to destroy beehives with nuclear weapons."

So my challenge to you guys is to come up with the most mundane D&D issue you can think of and solve it with the most ridiculously overkill solution possible. The gauntlet has been thrown. TO is absolutely viable. Try to avoid using the same trick somebody else has used, though. Bonus points for impracticality, being completely over-the-top, DM rage inducing potential, wording abuse (a la killing the Tarrasque as a level 1 commoner by optimizing your character's name) and sheer Rube Goldberg-ness.

[torrasque666]

Anything: Be Wizard 20.

[Douglas]

Problem: A party member is dying.
Solution: Break out the Immortals Handbook and slay Death (http://d20npcs.wikia.com/wiki/Death,_CR_373).

[Red Fel]

... and then after you've True Mind Switched with the Aleax of your Ice Assassin...

[Phelix-Mu]

Problem: Sentient life is problematic and constantly provokes the need for new campaigns with new characters.

Solution: End life on the Prime in one night with a wave of animated green slime that devours anything that isn't stone in a matter of seconds. Self-resetting traps of touch of Jubilex, wave of green slime, and mundane sources of green slime are used by a druid that has split itself into many thousands of burrow roots. PaO/mass awaken the green slime, now it's intelligent and mobile.

The trick is getting it all done before the sun rises, lol.

[AnonymousPepper]

Problem: A party member is dying.
Solution: Break out the Immortals Handbook and slay Death (http://d20npcs.wikia.com/wiki/Death,_CR_373).

what
how
what
that's like some Exalted crap right there

[SamsDisciple]

Not the most epic of situations but this really happened. My barbarian expressed rage at goblins many a time and so to incite that rage at (in)opportune moments my DM threw goblins in everywhere (and I mean everywhere...seriously I even found one in the bathroom of a temple of Pelor...) but in order to speed things along and not take much more time than a couple rounds during combat he gave my barbarian a +1 greataxe that would turn into a +5 vorpal, bane, flaming, (insert several other effects that I don't remember) axe that would only affect goblins and only if I used the key word. Luckily for my intelligence 8 barbarian the key word was Shiny. This epic axe (only against goblins) ended up killing the barbarian when it started flaming while I was trying to hide from giants. The party decided not to sell the axe for money to revive me because if I woke up and shiny was gone then I would probably have proceeded to kill the party.

[Doorhandle]

what
how
what
that's like some Exalted crap right there

Damn skippy it is! I remember a myth where Hercules wrestled with death for exactly that reason.

[Milodiah]

I, for one, have been confronted with a cavern that was (probably) full of enemies, and I proceeded to literally jury-rig two or three different spells together (I forget which ones, sadly) into a magical thermobaric explosive in order to wipe out literally everything.

[avr]

I, for one, have been confronted with a cavern that was (probably) full of enemies, and I proceeded to literally jury-rig two or three different spells together (I forget which ones, sadly) into a magical thermobaric explosive in order to wipe out literally everything.
Oh, you've combined ray of frost, shatter and fireball too? It really was careless of the kobolds to leave that much oil lying around where adventurers could get to it.

Still, the most overkill I've seen (didn't do it myself) was releasing 54 bulettes from an AD&D bag of beans on to a small island. Destroyed the ecology entirely.

[avr]

Still, the OP is about theoretical situations. There's the classic "I am a drow warblade troubled by light blindness. Iron Heart Surge that annoying sun. ahhh, that's better."

Or planar binding a succubus in order to ... have her teleport you a fresh hot coffee in from your favorite cafe.

Start the shadowpocalypse to reduce property prices so you can afford a house in a nice part of town.

[toapat]

chain Gating solars is pretty much the most broken thing pre-epic that doesnt involve Mindjacking the immortal - invulnerable Aleax of your Immortal Ice Assassin.

although i think the idea is "most flagrant abuse of your power to do something mundane".

So, i guess using planar binding to get a succubus maid?

[Extra Anchovies]

Cast Gate, bring in a Solar, have it periodically cast Light over the next few hours because you A) didn't prepare any light spells and B) want to keep working after sunset.

[evangaline]

You are one of those mages of the arcane order, and as a 20th level immortal wizard you requre to have a celebration. You also happen to love cheese, especially molten cheese!

Of course you invented a fondue divice with your 38+ int. After a couple of delicious meals this magnificent divice of true cheese-melting stopped working and, even though a couple of contingencies go off to prevent this, you feel sad. Very sad.

There are of course a lot of options to solve this. You all probably have a lot of equally mind-shattering ways to archieve the melting of cheese, and I have one aswell:

You pshycic reformation your ice assasin with a (whished for) power stone into a psion who astral seeds himself. And, after some minor shenannigans, he inhabits/becomes the still-broken (RIP) fondue device. Psionic reform him again, this time into an ardent with the elemental mantle.

Every time the cheese touches the plate it takes a single fire dmng, melting it with the speed of light. Depening on if it is quickened or not light has a speed of 6 or less seconds

[Threadnaught]

Necropolitan Gray Elf Wizard.

Astral Projection and several dozen Ice Assassins of an Ice Assassin of an Ice Assassin of an Ice Assassin of yourself.

Crack open the DMG and find the list of 100 quest hooks. Some of them, will be you, while every other would easily be solved by throwing Ice Assassins at it. For extra lulz, get some of them to use Project Image and every single one to have Death Throes cast on them, it'll heal them while damaging enemies not immune to Negative Energy.


A merchants' guild decide not to work for your Planar Monopoly and/or decides to attempt to get your business kicked out of every city they have some pull in?

Army of Ice Assassins to offer some well placed bribes, make those who are willing to join disappear into employment hidden until the merchants' guild is dissolved, assassinate the most vocal detractors in horrible accidents/natural disasters and wage a campaign of terror on anyone who makes life difficult for your business.


Policing a city?

If you see some punk commit a crime while you're using Astral Projection, call in an army of Ice Assassins and have him choose between serving his sentence as a Skeleton/Zombie, or paying a fine.

[molten_dragon]

We were playing Return to the Temple of Elemental Evil, and for some reason in that module, grells kept creeping up in odd places. I was playing a shadowcraft mage, and he was getting increasingly annoyed by the grells not leaving us alone. He finally snapped when the group's rogue (his best friend) failed a save against a trap, and got sucked into the demiplane that the grells were all coming from. We were 15th level I think at this point, so I intentionally failed my save against the same trap, and proceeded to wipe out the grells with a couple of mimicked Apocalypse from the Sky spells.

It turns out I killed pretty much all of the grells in existence, so it's been a running joke ever since that grells are now an endangered species.

[Petrocorus]

I need to clean my room!
I don't want to do it, it's annoying, and a high level wizard has better stuff to do, like reading the mage guild's gazette.

What should i do?


Start the shadowpocalypse to reduce property prices so you can afford a house in a nice part of town.

Shadowpocalyse is a Shadow Apocalypse from the Sky?

[avr]

Shadowpocalyse is a Shadow Apocalypse from the Sky?
No, it's starting a pyramid scheme to mass-produce undead shadows faster than clerics and adventurers can kill them off.

Guaranteed to reduce house prices, what aristocrat wants to live where the hoi polloi can walk through the walls and see you taking a bath?

[NEO|Phyte]

http://i.imgur.com/xZFtedk.png

[nedz]

I thought that a Shadowpocalyse was when you create a self resetting trap of Ghost Sound in order to play some very old music, continuously.

[Extra Anchovies]

I thought that a Shadowpocalyse was when you create a self resetting trap of Ghost Sound in order to play some very old music, continuously.

I'm afraid I don't get this reference. Please explain.

[Darkweave31]

"I was hungry, so I made an ice assassin of an omnificer to have it use a profession: chef check with infinite bonus to make me grilled cheese."

"I had this great idea for a maid cafe, so I made ice assassins of all of the gods and dressed them in maid outfits."
"Even Boccob?"
"Especially Boccob."

[toapat]

"I was hungry, so I made an ice assassin of an omnificer to have it use a profession: chef check with infinite bonus to make me grilled cheese."

but that took 6 hours, And killed you thanks to his +NI Craft (poison) check

[Darkweave31]

but that took 6 hours, And killed you thanks to his +NI Craft (poison) check

1. You have absolute control over an ice assassin.

2. It wasn't of me, therefore it doesnt want to kill me.

3. Time manipulation is easy.

[Venger]

problem: I have an itch
solution: iron heart surge

[Extra Anchovies]

Eliminate mooks one-by-one by researching their personal truenames and casting Unname on them.

[nedz]

After being stung by a bee

Discern Location on Beehive
Meteor Swarm



problem: I have an itch
solution: iron heart surge

—or—

problem: I have an itch
solution: I wish I didn't have this itch

[Arcanist]

Problem: A party member is dying.
Solution: Break out the Immortals Handbook and slay Death (http://d20npcs.wikia.com/wiki/Death,_CR_373).

This one actually gave me a small giggle. I absolutely had to add this story.

I was once playing an Artificer (how all great stories begin) and I got the idea to craft an item of Time Stop -at will. I always liked the Delay Spell Metamagic and combining these two things together never occurred to me. I took an item of Orb of Force and an item of Time Stop and in combat, I just used Delay and Quicken together to do the below


Round 1: Delay (5 rounds) Orb of Force, Quicken Delay (5) Orb of Force
Round 2: Delay (4 rounds) Orb of Force, Quicken Delay (4) Orb of Force
Round 3: Delay (3 rounds) Orb of Force, Quicken Delay (3) Orb of Force
Round 4: Delay (2 rounds) Orb of Force, Quicken Delay (2) Orb of Force
Round 5: Delay (1 rounds) Orb of Force, Quicken Delay (1) Time Stop
Round 6: Time goes back in, all of the delay spells trigger and resume at Round 1

The problem? I did this on everything. Yes. Everything. And that is why every monster I make capable of having Spell Stowaway (Time Stop) and Celerity do.

[Aegis013]

problem: I have an itch
solution: I wish I didn't have this itch

The Monkey Paw gives you every other itch in the world in its place?

Need to feed people? Get the black hole pig-bond commoner and then force a Nightmare into Astral Projecting him and slay/cook/eat the duplicate pigs. Surely they won't turn into duplicate Orcus!

[Venger]

The Monkey Paw gives you every other itch in the world in its place?

Need to feed people? Get the black hole pig-bond commoner and then force a Nightmare into Astral Projecting him and slay/cook/eat the duplicate pigs. Surely they won't turn into duplicate Orcus!

pig-bond summons the actual Orcus though.

I bet a lot of his time is taken up killing pig-bonded commoners.

...

That's why he never actually does anything!

[torrasque666]

pig-bond summons the actual Orcus though.

I bet a lot of his time is taken up killing pig-bonded commoners.

...

That's why he never actually does anything!

As was pointed out to me earlier, it summons an aspect of pOrcus. Not pOrcus himself.

[Theomniadept]

Tired of enemies getting in your way? Has your Wizard fallen prey to the occasional optimized Rogue enemy sneak-attacking and managing to hit you that one time that took you out of the fight?

Fret no more, for the solution is our newest product: Locate City Bomb! Just cast this in front of a dungeon and walk through the bloody mess to claim your loot.

[malonkey1]

There was once a thread for terraforming Athas. Solutions included forcibly removing the capacity to cast arcane spells from all inhabitants, covering the planet in dozens of fimbulwinters, and creating a secondary Positive Energy sun/warping the planet through the Plane of Positive Energy briefly every year via a pair of very nearby planet-sized portals.

[Arcanist]

There was once a thread for terraforming Athas. Solutions included forcibly removing the capacity to cast arcane spells from all inhabitants, covering the planet in dozens of fimbulwinters, and creating a secondary Positive Energy sun/warping the planet through the Plane of Positive Energy briefly every year via a pair of very nearby planet-sized portals.

I have to see this thread, that sounds simply amazing.

[malonkey1]

I have to see this thread, that sounds simply amazing.

Here you go, buddy. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?350016-Terraforming-Athas)

[AnonymousPepper]

In all fairness, Athas is so screwed up that there really is no measure too extreme for that. :smalleek:

[Phelix-Mu]

I have to see this thread, that sounds simply amazing.

It was quite the thread, and great fun. I still like my solution, but it didn't fix a bunch of problems involving the way magic works there or the actual sun being screwed up. It does restore areas of the biosphere, however, and should be able to proceed at a pace equal to or greater than any defiler can undo it.

Plus, you can always fall back on the fimbulwinter plan, lol. But if you just want to restore a normal ecology, the brown mold should work nicely. Meanwhile, as a high level druid, I'd probably just hunt down all the defilers myself; I mean, I'd have to have demonstrated great restraint to not have done that in the first place (defiling makes me angry, forget how silly the mechanic is in 3e...at least the Dragon Magz version).

[golem1972]

Lesser planar binding a bar-lgura demon to use its snatch and greater teleport abilities so I don't have to spend resources on flight.

[Petrocorus]

Fret no more, for the solution is our newest product: Locate City Bomb! Just cast this in front of a dungeon and walk through the bloody mess to claim your loot.
How does this work already?


covering the planet in dozens of fimbulwinters, and creating a secondary Positive Energy sun/warping the planet through the Plane of Positive Energy briefly every year via a pair of very nearby planet-sized portals.
What are fimbulwinters?

[Dalebert]

Damn skippy it is! I remember a myth where Hercules wrestled with death for exactly that reason.

I thought you had to beat Death in Battleship, Clue, and Twister.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PA5ryowAyLk

This one is not worthy of this epic thread by far, but I'm going to share it because it actually happened in a game.

It was 2nd edition. I was playing a high level wizard and I needed to join my party at the top of a tower. He had a lot of psionics just from rolling well so I was constantly trying to find ways to use them. One discipline was Body Equilibrium that allowed him to reduce his body weight in order to feather fall or walk on water. I cast a web spell out in the open which immediately collapsed from no anchor points. I gather web material on my hands and feet and reduced my body weight with body equilibrium so I could climb up the side of the tower. A lady in the group said "Why didn't you just cast Spider Climb?" and everyone laughed at me. I deserved it.

[Extra Anchovies]

How does this work already?

Locate City is a spell with, I believe, a 10 mile/level radius. The Locate City Bomb involves using questionable metamagic shenanigans to kill everything in the radius (or everything in direct contact with the ground, depending on your reading of the spell). Snowcasting to make it a [Cold] spell, Flash Frost to make it deal 2 damage to every creature in the area, Energy Substitution to change the damage to Electric, Born of Three Thunders to attach a reflex save for half, and then either Explosive Spell or Fell Drain, depending on how much you like Wights.


What are fimbulwinters?

Fimbulwinter is an 8th-level spell from Frostburn that shifts the climate in a large area (miles/level I think) one step towards cold (or goes super-cold if it's already there) for a few weeks.

[GreyBlack]

Locate City is a spell with, I believe, a 10 mile/level radius. The Locate City Bomb involves using questionable metamagic shenanigans to kill everything in the radius (or everything in direct contact with the ground, depending on your reading of the spell). Snowcasting to make it a [Cold] spell, Flash Frost to make it deal 2 damage to every creature in the area, Energy Substitution to change the damage to Electric, Born of Three Thunders to attach a reflex save for half, and then either Explosive Spell or Fell Drain, depending on how much you like Wights.

Perhaps it's just me, but I've always preferred the Snowcasting/Flash Frost/Fell Drain/Fell Animate. Fell Drain states that, if it takes damage, it gains a negative level, so zombie apocalypse for everyone!

Which reminds me, (and this ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN A GAME), I was playing an evil Halfling wizard in the town we decided to stop in. I felt like the merchant wasn't giving me a fair price. The entire town turned to zombies.

ETA: Oh, and I did get a much more fair price.

[Petrocorus]

Locate City is a spell with, I believe, a 10 mile/level radius. The Locate City Bomb involves using questionable metamagic shenanigans to kill everything in the radius (or everything in direct contact with the ground, depending on your reading of the spell). Snowcasting to make it a [Cold] spell, Flash Frost to make it deal 2 damage to every creature in the area, Energy Substitution to change the damage to Electric, Born of Three Thunders to attach a reflex save for half, and then either Explosive Spell or Fell Drain, depending on how much you like Wights.


BTW, is it possible for a spell caster to reduce the area of effect of his spells? Does he need a feat?

For instance, can a lvl 20 wizard make a Locate City Bomb of only 10 miles radius? Or a 2 miles radius?

[TheGeckoKing]

"Look at me when I'm speaking to you!"
"As you wish (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/spells/vengefulGazeOfGod.htm)."

[Threadnaught]

Locate City Bomb is really the answer to every possible social problem.

An army of jerks trying to do stuff you don't want them to? Locate City Bomb.
A city of jerks trying to stop you doing stuff you want to and you don't care about the population? Locate City Bomb.
You're sent to assassinate someone who is well guarded, but easily located? Locate City Bomb.
Beehive filled with stinging bees which annoy you? Locate City Bomb.
You're sent to assassinate someone who is harder to locate, but possibly less well guarded? Locate City Bomb.
Someone turns up looking for the cause of all those massive explosions? Locate City Bomb.

[Extra Anchovies]

Of course, since the LCB is centered on you, it's probably best to apply Selective Spell to it or to use Mastery of Shaping to exempt yourself.

[Petrocorus]

Locate City Bomb is really the answer to every possible social problem.

An army of jerks trying to do s..... City Bomb.

LCB doesn't solve my room cleaning problem. That would rather be the contrary.

I will have to use several divinations like Legend Lore, Contact Other Planes, Discern Location to find the best housekeepers of the world, then Dominate her hairdresser to collect her hairs for me, so i can make an Ice Assassin of her. Because i'll have to move sometimes (like for going to wizard convention, or travelling through planes to slaughter some archdevils), and i don't want that Ice Assassin to leave my home to kill the original housekeeper instead of doing its job, i'll have to make an Ice Assassin of that Ice Assassin and let it kill the first one, then Mindrape that second one into total loyalty to me, even when i'm more than 1 mile away. Probably use a stone of Psychic reformation to get rid of all skills and feat not devoted to housekeeping and cooking then give it a Periapt of Wisdom for improving the Profession skill, and then, that would do it.

I wonder, however, if there would not be a more optimised way to do it?

[Abd al-Azrad]

Problem: I need a flashy new ad, to increase sales for the fantastic epic tales of my party's adventures.

Solution: Polymorph Any Object my own party into life-sized cardboard cutouts of themselves in action poses, place them prominently outside of my bookstore.

Annoyingly, actually happened to us.

Problem: Thug challenges you to a Poke-contest, pitting summoned monsters against each other.

Solution: As a Demonologist (I think that's the class that gets bonus levels to its Summon Monster spells, from BoVD?), I whip out a scroll of Summon Monster IX and summon 1d4+1 Bebiliths - one to fight the summon, one to gank the summoner to keep him from cheating, and the rest to cheer.

[Fable Wright]

LCB doesn't solve my room cleaning problem. That would rather be the contrary.

I will have to use several divinations like Legend Lore, Contact Other Planes, Discern Location to find the best housekeepers of the world, then Dominate her hairdresser to collect her hairs for me, so i can make an Ice Assassin of her. Because i'll have to move sometimes (like for going to wizard convention, or travelling through planes to slaughter some archdevils), and i don't want that Ice Assassin to leave my home to kill the original housekeeper instead of doing its job, i'll have to make an Ice Assassin of that Ice Assassin and let it kill the first one, then Mindrape that second one into total loyalty to me, even when i'm more than 1 mile away. Probably use a stone of Psychic reformation to get rid of all skills and feat not devoted to housekeeping and cooking then give it a Periapt of Wisdom for improving the Profession skill, and then, that would do it.

I wonder, however, if there would not be a more optimised way to do it?

In the time it takes you to do that, you could have Gated a Solar to clean your room. But that's too inefficient. For this job, all you need is your Incantatrix capstone, East Metamagic, and a Twinned Repeat Servant Horde. One 9th level spell and a Standard action later, and you can have your 8d6+60 Unseen Servants clean it all for you.

Or, with Arcane Thesis and an expanded spell list, just animate the 80-or-so objects in the room bothering you and have them all walk themselves into their proper places.

[Petrocorus]

In the time it takes you to do that, you could have Gated a Solar to clean your room. But that's too inefficient. For this job, all you need is your Incantatrix capstone, East Metamagic, and a Twinned Repeat Servant Horde. One 9th level spell and a Standard action later, and you can have your 8d6+60 Unseen Servants clean it all for you.

Or, with Arcane Thesis and an expanded spell list, just animate the 80-or-so objects in the room bothering you and have them all walk themselves into their proper places.

East Metamagic?

[Extra Anchovies]

East Metamagic?

Easy Metamagic. And/or practical metamagic, on a spontaneous caster.

[Venger]

BTW, is it possible for a spell caster to reduce the area of effect of his spells? Does he need a feat?

For instance, can a lvl 20 wizard make a Locate City Bomb of only 10 miles radius? Or a 2 miles radius?


you can willingly cast any spell at a lower caster level, so you could reduce its radius somewhat, but it'd still be in miles.

[Aegis013]

you can willingly cast any spell at a lower caster level, so you could reduce its radius somewhat, but it'd still be in miles.

Only down to the minimum caster level required to cast that spell, which is always a hotly debated topic.

Need a friend to talk to? Rather than going to the pub, create some Ice Assassins! Can't handle their snarky remarks and constant desire to murder their originals in cold-blood (get it?)? Just use Mindrape on them! Don't like that they're just puppets of your will and lack their own? True Mind Switch them into new bodies and then kill them or command them to commit suicide and cast Reincarnate! Now you have the friends you always wanted maybe.

[Venger]

Only down to the minimum caster level required to cast that spell, which is always a hotly debated topic.

that's correct. so where does the debate come in, exactly?

[Powerdork]

that's correct. so where does the debate come in, exactly?

The idea that there's no definition of minimum caster level for a spell. It's all only implied that you need to have a caster level equal to the effective class needed to be able to cast the spell. (And then you get into things that unlock spell slots early, and oh the headaches...)

[Petrocorus]

Anyway, that means you cannot go for a 2 miles radius LC Bomb. Unless you add Mastery of Shaping with ArchMage, or the similar ability of Spellguard of Silverymoon.

[Aegis013]

that's correct. so where does the debate come in, exactly?

Precisely where Metool described. Due to Precocious Apprentice the minimum CL for a level 2 arcane spell is 1. Right?
Using Dextercorvia's Versatile Domain Generalist (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=10197586&postcount=9), the minimum for particular 9th level spells is also CL 1. Right?

Yeah... it's not perfectly clear, so some people think it's RAW that any spell can be cast at CL 1, others think it's various applications are clearly too gouda to be reasonable for play.

[Razanir]

Party's hungry. Chicken-Infested.

[Threadnaught]

LCB doesn't solve my room cleaning problem. That would rather be the contrary.

Unless you're cleaning your room in order to impress someone who is rather difficult t please, I see no social issue involved with tidying your room.

Of course, if you kill the person/people you're trying so hard to impress, then you solve the problem.



Please everyone/create world peace? Locate City Bomb... And again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again.. Okay, it's genocide on a planar scale, it's also EVIL! So it's best to avoid doing this, but it is the kind of thing optimists consider to be not only obtainable, but incredibly simple to create even while opposing ideologies are allowed to exist.

Any attempt to do this should result in the character becoming an NPC villain under control of the DM. While the player should be made to sit in a corner for the rest of the session.

[Deadkitten]

you can willingly cast any spell at a lower caster level, so you could reduce its radius somewhat, but it'd still be in miles.

Add sculpt spell to fimbulwinter. Problem solved...kinda.

[nedz]

Add sculpt spell to fimbulwinter. Problem solved...kinda.

Except that Sculpt Spell reduces the area from 1 mile/level radius to something which people could just stroll out of.

[malonkey1]

Except that Sculpt Spell reduces the area from 1 mile/level radius to something which people could just stroll out of.

Fine, Mastery of Shaping then.

[LarwisTheElf]

NPC charging too much for a particular magic item? Use infinite gold tricks and but out his store, as well as every other store on the plane. Now you never have to worry about price twice over (once for infinite gold, twice for owning all stores everywhere).

Need to climb a 10 ft high ledge? Buy a 10 ft ladder! Cause who ever really carries one of those things around anyway?

[atemu1234]

In all fairness, Athas is so screwed up that there really is no measure too extreme for that. :smalleek:

Yeah, but I like that one.

[Petrocorus]

Fine, Mastery of Shaping then.

Or maybe putting that Explosive Spell shenanigan on some other 1st level AoE spell with a different AoE.

[GreyBlack]

The temperature in the room is a bit too warm. Obviously, the solution is Fimblwinter.

[Raven777]

There's an exam today. Didn't study. Control Weather four miles radius tornado. School's closed!

[Extra Anchovies]

There's an exam today. Didn't study. Control Weather four miles radius tornado. School's closed!

I wish I could do that... no more midterms :smallbiggrin:

[torrasque666]

There's an exam today. Didn't study. Control Weather four miles radius tornado. School's closed!

I wish I could do that... no more midterms :smallbiggrin:

I don't suppose you could send that my way and cancel my econ final?

[Beowulf DW]

We were told that a very large warg was haunting a particular forest. We burned the forest down because the druid's player was away that week.:smallredface:

[Venger]

There's an exam today. Didn't study. Control Weather four miles radius tornado. School's closed!

so that's why it's snowing. thanks!

[Raven777]

I just got turned into a vampire in the most ass backward way possible, by my own vampire-in-a-can (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?381785-PF-My-very-own-bottled-vampire) gone berserk no less, but it fits the theme of the thread.

Paladin: We need to pay to raise your mistress and then pay to restore the strength drain she was under before that.
Familiar: No!
*One Speak With Dead later*
Paladin: Your mistress wants to become an undead abomination to save on bills?
Familiar: Yes!

[yoshi67]

DM doesn't interpret the rule like you do and shuts down your plan to break the game?
Need something extra to build that character you really want but DM won't agree?
Want to stop a player from abusing a rile/loophole that makes the game boring, but the DM allows it?

1. Acquire a rulebook, preferably one that's allowed but noone ever uses, either in pdf or a physical copy.
1a. If in physical form, painstakingly make high quality, perfect copies of ALL the pages AND covers.
2. Pay your graphic design friend to Photoshop a slight rule change/massive rewrite of your choice.
3. Pay a printer/publisher/book binder to print out the altered book in high quality color using heavyweight glossy paper, make a realistic hardback cover, and professionally bind it using the same method as your chosen book.
4. Use altered book(s) to warp the game in your favor
5. Prepare for book-related head injury and/or loss of friends

[Aegis013]

so that's why it's snowing. thanks!

I just realized that it was, fellow Texan. Rather odd. Seems like we may need to cast Ice Galleon to get to wherever we're going, since we both know Texans can't drive in snow.

[Venger]

I just realized that it was, fellow Texan. Rather odd. Seems like we may need to cast Ice Galleon to get to wherever we're going, since we both know Texans can't drive in snow.

doesn't matter much since everything'll be closed as a result of no one knowing how to drive in the snow.

[Raven777]

How do we fix no Texan knowing how to drive in the snow?

[torrasque666]

How do we fix no Texan knowing how to drive in the snow?

Gonna go with Mindrape.

[commander panda]

mindrape.

lots and lots of mindrape.

[Phelix-Mu]

I just realized that it was, fellow Texan. Rather odd. Seems like we may need to cast Ice Galleon to get to wherever we're going, since we both know Texans can't drive in snow.


doesn't matter much since everything'll be closed as a result of no one knowing how to drive in the snow.


How do we fix no Texan knowing how to drive in the snow?


Gonna go with Mindrape.


mindrape.

lots and lots of mindrape.

Yeah. Cause nothing bad could possibly come from [PRE-REDACTED].

[Threadnaught]

Wipe out true Scotsmen everywhere.


Use Wish to replicate Prestidigitation on every Scotsman in the world, to sugar their porridge.

[toapat]

How does this work already?


What are fimbulwinters?

Imagine if the second law of thermodynamics was reversed.

Now imagine that effecting an area 80 miles in diameter.

For 10 years.


that's correct. so where does the debate come in, exactly?

Short answer: The rule isnt written to function for anything but wizards, fireball, and wizards casting fireball. Exploits are by definition that, holes in the rules. Its the fact that the rule is worded so poorly as to not function.


Yeah, but I like that one.

meh, i only killed Athas, 75% chance of having restored the sun (we do have AN issue with that but that comes down to exact rules we dont know), and delayed the issue of defiling for several million/billion years.

[Yomega]

It seems to me a sculpted fumblewinter would be the perfect way to keep your drink cold on a tropical beach, or a full sized one if you sit on the edge of the spell effect.

[mashlagoo1982]

This actually happened in a session.

*Party encounters locked door*

Options Available:
A) Rogue with lock picking
B) Any party member with obvious tools scattered around
C) 10 barrels of explosives

... of course the party selected explosives first, after learning there was something sentient behind the door.

[Phelix-Mu]

It seems to me a sculpted fumblewinter would be the perfect way to keep your drink cold on a tropical beach, or a full sized one if you sit on the edge of the spell effect.

I prefer the spell frostfell for my drink-refrigerating purposes.

Nothing against fimbulwinter of course (great spell), but nothing spells "STYLE" like having a flesh-to-iced marilith as my drink holder (she can hold up to six drinks!). When my drink gets too warm, I can just shave a bit of ice off her ass. Problem solved.

The bigger issue is the supply of mariliths. Every time I go looking for one now, they all overreact and toss whole armies at me. *sigh*

Hehe.

I don't always drink cold drinks, but when I do, I prefer frostfell'd ones.

:smalltongue:

[SamsDisciple]

King trying to feed a hungry populace? (or just a parent of a teenage boy) Capture the tarrasque, use one of many techniques to subdue it (there was a thread recently that talked about this) and carve up infinite tarrasque burgers! You now have an unending supply of regenerating meat that won't eat you for a while at least. Just make sure to cook it well, we don't want to have a case of exploding indigestion.

[Extra Anchovies]

King trying to feed a hungry populace? (or just a parent of a teenage boy) Capture the tarrasque, use one of many techniques to subdue it (there was a thread recently that talked about this) and carve up infinite tarrasque burgers! You now have an unending supply of regenerating meat that won't eat you for a while at least. Just make sure to cook it well, we don't want to have a case of exploding indigestion.

Get a d2 crusader to knock it down to negative infinity. It doesn't matter if rolling for damage causes the crusader to glitch out and freeze up; that tarrasque isn't ever waking up.

[Inevitability]

Get a d2 crusader to knock it down to negative infinity. It doesn't matter if rolling for damage causes the crusader to glitch out and freeze up; that tarrasque isn't ever waking up.

Unless a crazy mystic theurge worshipping a god of death and destruction decides to Teleport Through Time the Tarrasque to an era where humans barely could talk, kill it, raise it, and then see it easily crush our civilization.

[Lightlawbliss]

problem: Need to get from the bottom of the grand stair case to the top.
solution: Make enough ice assassins of Punpun to instantly make (by hand and without magic) and carry a litter of your design. Have them lift you into the litter and position you comfortably, carry you up to the top, they take you out of the litter. Then have them fight to the death for the honor of opening the door.

[Extra Anchovies]

problem: Need to get from the bottom of the grand stair case to the top.
solution: Make enough ice assassins to fill the staircase completely, and have them lift you through/over their bodies to the top

Fixed that for you.

[Venger]

Fixed that for you.

There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

That's what casting's all about.

[toapat]

You have a bunny that needs petting

Invent a Spelljammer, then go and find This Guy (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=14072486&postcount=1).

Have him pet a bunny

[Sith_Happens]

How do we fix no Texan knowing how to drive in the snow?


Gonna go with Mindrape.

[Saved for future sigging]

[Heliomance]

Add sculpt spell to fimbulwinter. Problem solved...kinda.


Fine, Mastery of Shaping then.

Y'know, Mastery of Shaping'd Fimbulwinter would make the most impressive ice sculptures the world has ever seen.

[thematgreen]

Real scenario: My Kobold Fire Sorcerer and his servants...err...the rest of the party discovered that the monsters they were hunting were in this deep forest. While the group rested in town before braving the forest Sic Sic walked outside and burned it down. It killed the monsters so he was satisfied and didn't understand why the stupid warmblood Paladin was yelling at him. It's not like Sic Sic needs a forest, and he thought it looked better the way it was. The townsfolk, who were living in a logging town tried to arrest Sic Sic...so he burned the town down. His logic being that if they were upset their forest was gone they could move away, and since they were attached to their homes he fixed the issue.

He's not welcome back on that island...