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flyenemu
2014-11-17, 04:25 PM
Friends,

I have been DMing a bit, but a ‘new’ problem has found its way to our 3.5 table. The player of the wizard (and her now tank-cleric cohort that was my NPC fix for their lack of a healer and a tank) has social anxiety, and cries anytime it is her turn (which she now has two of) if it is not rainbows and sunshine. She is one of the three new to D&D players in the group, and this is her first character which means she is VERY attached to it. The other players have identified her as a root cause in the stress felt during combat, and due to the adventure being ‘Exhibition to Castle Ravenloft’ the party is struggling to keep afloat with the caster and second-tank unable to act while under stress. I have emphasized to the party that working as a unit is crucial if they wish to make it from level 6 to level 10 (they started as level 2’s), but she is the anchor that is dragging them down. She is a nice girl, a friend of both mine and my fiancé, and so we don’t want her to stop playing. Any advice fellow table-top enthusiasts?

~Sy

Red Fel
2014-11-17, 04:41 PM
First and foremost, talk to her. Everything goes from there, but the first and most vital step is to take her aside and talk to her. Discuss her character anxiety. Depending on the person, there are several ways to go about this.

If she's a rational person, you can use one of my preferred methods for dealing with anxieties. "Describe to me, in detail, the absolute worst thing that could happen if you make a mistake. The absolute worst." The answer to that, of course, is that her character dies, followed shortly thereafter by the rest of the party. Then you dissect that answer. Know what happens if a character dies? The party brings you back. If the party falls? You roll new characters and gameplay goes on. What's important is that everyone is at the table, having fun, laughing and enjoying themselves to the sounds of dice rolling and GMs attempting (and often failing) to mimic humorous accents for the NPCs.

Usually, that assuages a lot of concerns. Remind them that everything is fun, it's just a game and an excuse to be social, and nobody blames anybody for anything that happens. Except the dice. We hate those tiny, spiteful plastic bastards with the passion of a thousand blazing suns. Roll a 1 on me, will you? You will learn. You will all learn.

(Jokes like that are great for defusing tension when dealing with nervous players. Feel free to steal that one.)

The bottom line is that you need to talk to her, in a comfortable environment where she doesn't feel pressured or targeted. You need to remind her that she is playing with friends who care about her, and that if she makes a mistake, that won't change.

flyenemu
2014-11-17, 04:52 PM
First and foremost, talk to her. Everything goes from there, but the first and most vital step is to take her aside and talk to her. Discuss her character anxiety. Depending on the person, there are several ways to go about this.

If she's a rational person, you can use one of my preferred methods for dealing with anxieties. "Describe to me, in detail, the absolute worst thing that could happen if you make a mistake. The absolute worst." The answer to that, of course, is that her character dies, followed shortly thereafter by the rest of the party. Then you dissect that answer. Know what happens if a character dies? The party brings you back. If the party falls? You roll new characters and gameplay goes on. What's important is that everyone is at the table, having fun, laughing and enjoying themselves to the sounds of dice rolling and GMs attempting (and often failing) to mimic humorous accents for the NPCs.

Usually, that assuages a lot of concerns. Remind them that everything is fun, it's just a game and an excuse to be social, and nobody blames anybody for anything that happens. Except the dice. We hate those tiny, spiteful plastic bastards with the passion of a thousand blazing suns. Roll a 1 on me, will you? You will learn. You will all learn.

(Jokes like that are great for defusing tension when dealing with nervous players. Feel free to steal that one.)

The bottom line is that you need to talk to her, in a comfortable environment where she doesn't feel pressured or targeted. You need to remind her that she is playing with friends who care about her, and that if she makes a mistake, that won't change.

Red,

Thanks for the perspective. I have talked to many players before, but this is the first I've met who wants to play, yet is unable to do so. I like to approach players in a nonabrasive way, but most times it is the party that does the message, and I as DM am able to do the damage control/ reassurance. I'll try that before next session!

Oh, and yes...them there evil dice work for no mortal... Only for the spiteful dice Gods which every table-top player should love and fear.

-Sy

Jay R
2014-11-17, 06:23 PM
Why does she want to play this game? Most potential answers must be based on the answer to this question.

One thing you might try is discussing her general melee tactics in advance, and let her build a plan. Then, during melee, the DM can say, "OK, it's your turn. You're plan was to cast Sleep next. OK?" This works if the stress of deciding is the problem.

If the stress of potential character death is the problem, tell her quietly that her character won't die.

If she's afraid she'll make the wrong choice, have her roll on her intelligence, and if she makes it, you tell her what the best thing to do is.

But step one is to ask her what the problem is. Only then can you try to eliminate it.

Vitruviansquid
2014-11-17, 06:40 PM
Do not take this suggestion seriously:

1. Set up one of your other players for a major screw-up that significantly, though maybe not permanently, damages his character and the group.

2. Everyone points and laughs and mocks him like he's an idiot. Call him that and other awful names.

3. Afterwards, it's cool. He's not rustled, nor is anyone at the table rustled at him. All in good fun.

4. You thereby demonstrate that it's okay to mess up, and whatever she does, it can't possibly be as bad as what that other player did that one time.

Valefor Rathan
2014-11-18, 09:17 AM
The discussion bit before hand is great advice.

Another thing to try would be letting other players "drive" the 2nd character from time to time, allowing her a little breathing room.

With the attachment to her character (and man do I understand), maybe have a small side campaign going with alternate characters that's more lighthearted. It could let her explore the rules and become more familiar with them in a less stressful setting with the other players still there.

flyenemu
2014-11-18, 10:49 AM
Jay,

Inquiring as to her motive to play seems to be another good step in attempting to help ease her nerves, but I fear I might end up in the 'I don't know' followed by crying loop. This type of problem came up when I attempted (both during the session and outside it) to walk her through possible tactics like you advised. As for informing her that her character won't die... I can't bring myself to do that. A promise of invincibility in any act states an unfair bias. I have informed each player that it is possible for their character to die here, and that working together is the only effective way to mitigate that. Perhaps I instilled a bit too much 'fear' into the loosing of a character, but if new players do not understand that, unlike a video game, their character can die (and it might not be able to come back) what is the true point in managing HP? That 'fear' is what drives people to think first and act smart second. It is also not fair to the rest of the party if they do find out. Having her roll an int chk (specifically a knowledge) is something she does as a feat, and depending on the score, I either inform her of some general information regarding that monster (weaknesses, special attacks, etc) or hand her the MM and let her read it herself... this kinda helps, but I am quite reluctant to inform her of what I always think to be the best way of dealing with combat... I feel the more I do that, the less she has to learn to think on her own. Thank you for your perspective. :smallwink:

Vitruviansquid,

Thank you for bringing a :smallsmile: to the situation, but something similar has already happened in the group. The experienced player's original character was killed early on (due to going out to tank a hag @ level 3 without his full-plate), and then nearly lost his replacement character (a range oriented bard) in a melee fight with a yochlol. So the blunders of others have been seen, but my fiancé thinks that due to an event early on [in which she (due to rolling five 1s in a row) nearly took out the bard and tank, followed by her familiar being dropped to -1 two rounds in a row] a stigma has formed causing her to rather do nothing than chance failure. Granted, it has been 4 levels and 2 months of play, but it might be a possibility due to it happening not long after the original tank (who was killed by the hag) died.

Valefor,

Originally, I ran the my cleric-tank, then I handed it off to the most experienced player (who attempted to player her as a striker), and then I handed it to her due to the RP that was building between the two in conjunction with her desire to feel 'more secure'. Taking it away now is something I have been thinking about... but more on a permanent basis. Starting a second game was my original idea, and it worked quite well with my fiancé wanting to learn to DM. The idea behind it was to allow her to play an alt reality in which her character left the main party and met up with a spell-thief/sorcerer I created. This was to teach her how to use spells, and allow me to vent out my play itch... sadly that game only lasted one session due to scheduling issues. I would like to see people branch out and try new characters, but I fear her frustration in attempting to brainstorm something new or non-black and white might cause that to flop. Thank you for your input! I'll be sure to take it into consideration. :smallcool:

Jay R
2014-11-21, 08:35 AM
Of course none of my suggestions could work. They were examples of what might work under a specific situation.

Talk to her.

Star with, "I want this game to be fun for you, and right now, it's not. How can I help?" Then let her come up with the solution, or at least the data to build a solution with.

And telling her her character won't die isn't intended to say she's invincible. "For the next three games, your character won't die, so you can get used to making decisions within the game." Training wheels are eventually expected to come off the bike.

flyenemu
2014-11-21, 11:52 AM
All,

Thank you for the advice. I will be speaking with her solo, followed by the rest of the party today regarding her input and the structural problems within the group. Insight from other DMs and players alike have granted great insight into this delicate issue. I'll let you all know what was finally said, and the outcome of it.
As of now, I the group said it might be better if they all worked to dictate her cohort's turn (treating it as a party asset), and she thinks that will help. The group also thinks a 'rebuild' would be wise because she is suppose to be a controller/multi-tool, but is functioning more like a one-trick-pony striker. I have agreed to allow a possible one time re-build IF SHE desires, but I have yet to speak with her on the matter. The party (excluding her again) likes the idea of an egg timer to assist with decreasing turn time, and are willing to help the wizard on her turn. I have used the egg timer idea before, but I wonder if it would only agitate an already delicate situation. Her input will decide the outcome.
Thank you again, and I look forward to informing you all of the good, bad, and other that happens.

~Sy

Jay R
2014-11-21, 02:06 PM
Good luck with it. We're looking forward to hearing how it goes.

Valefor Rathan
2014-11-25, 08:02 AM
I'm looking forward to learning what all has transpired.

flyenemu
2014-11-26, 09:17 AM
Friends,

The conversation this past weekend went surprisingly well. The group took initiative and looked into the full scope of the problems in the game and approached me before the meeting to discuss it. They feel it would be best if a full party reboot (one without the npc cleric) took place in which the player of the wizard and the player of the druid switch rolls, thus changing the player mentioned originally from the roll of controller to support/healer. This would reduce stress by making the woman’s character less squishy, yet still able to cast spells. I said very little as the group explained this idea, and watched Miss S. (for now we will call her such) respond. She said she understood the concepts they spoke about, but I saw a mix of confusion and a hint of oncoming tears.

This is where I stepped in, and had the rest of the group look into 5e (we are looking to convert at a later date). I asked how she felt, and after some water works, Miss S. explained that she didn’t want to feel restricted nor did she want to have to rebuild a back-story. After a look into the spell list of a cleric, and a review as to how she could not only keep, but further enrich her back-story, Miss S. said she was willing to try a divine class. The focus on the concepts of Teamwork, and Play Style were focused by the party allowing me to speak on Fun, and how a new class could be played both RP and mechanically without losing sight of Miss S.’s idea of her character.

I thank you all for your input, and without it I feel that we as a group would not have been able to address this problem without potentially harming our relationship with Miss S., and possibly pushed her from the table. If there are any specific questions regarding this inner-party interaction please feel free to ask! Workings with the people behind the PCs are as important a GM tool as understanding game mechanics.

~Sy

Valefor Rathan
2014-11-26, 09:31 AM
So now I'm kind of dying to know the group make-up as far as classes go as well as her backstory for both her old and new characters.

It's tough trying to play a caster as your first character, regardless of game-rules. Much credit to her, to you, and the rest of the group.

flyenemu
2014-12-01, 09:03 AM
So now I'm kind of dying to know the group make-up as far as classes go as well as her backstory for both her old and new characters.

It's tough trying to play a caster as your first character, regardless of game-rules. Much credit to her, to you, and the rest of the group.

The group is undergoing quite a bit of change, and not even I know what will be the final verdict. Sense last I posted, quite a bit has unfurled, and I have taken a back seat to see it play out. I'll fill you all in after our first session. Between now and then we will only be conducting test combat and such to learn character limits, as well as the basic rules of the new system. Stay tuned!