The Homunculus Farm

[Nevrmore]

It resides right on the edge where The Town would meld into The Countryside. The barn is larger than a normal barn, but not so much that it would seem terribly conspicuous. What is conspicuous, however, is the fact that the abrn exists, yet the farmland around it is completely devoid of vegetation. This strange building can't be abandonned, though, since it has a nice, new coat of paint and a sign hanging from the day that says "We're Open."

The first thing a person notices upon stepping inside is the absolutely horrible smell, one that would make anyone with a weak stomach gag their stomachs out. Anyone who can ignore that, however, would notice a few more things: About ten feet from the entrance is a desk where a tall, lanky man awaits you. He is young and bags adorn his eyes, but he seems utterly unaffected by the powerful stench.

Speaking of, you might also realize where this stench is coming from: Behind the man are dozens of large piles of manure (horse manure, to be precise) adorning the floor. On the walls are various shelves which have items kept in jars ranging from bones, what appears to be skin fragments, and strange white fluid that is anyone's guess as to what it could be. The assorted jars have strips of paper taped to them with different animal names on each.

Most peculiar, however, is the pen at the Southeast corner of the barn, where it appears that miniature people, only about a foot tall, are running around and playing.

This is the Homunculus Farm.
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Advertisements!!

"Want a pet? How about a slave? Maybe just a friend to call your own? Come down to the Homunculus Farm where we create little people in only the most traditional of ways and sell them for very reasonable prices. Don't trust those off-kilter mages who say they can summon you up little people with spells. Remember; If they aren't made from shet, then the maker's full of shet."

The Homunculus Farm will also buy any ingredients for making homunculi (bones, skin, semen, or horse manure) with prices varying depending on the quantity offered.

[Nevrmore]

The man at the counter sighs, lighting up a smoke.

"Slow day..." He says, a german accent in his voice.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Devlin walks in. Hmm....little people...? Hmm...

[Nevrmore]

The man looks up, quickly putting out the cigarette he had just lit.

"Ah, welcome, my friend! Welcome to Wagner's Homunculus Farm!" He says happily.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Interesting. Please, inform me more about this establishment.

[Nevrmore]

"Of course, of course. I am Wagner, the alchemist." Wagner says, leaning close towards Vespe Devlin, "I am a descendant from my great great great grandfather, Wagner, who was an apprentice to Faust himself!" The alchemist says proudly, "My great, great grandfather wrote down notes for how to make Homunculi - little people, like in the pen, you see? Yes, well, I decided that I can make a good business out of it. Do you want a pet?" He pretends to hold a cat in his hand, petting it, "Maybe someone to aid you in fierce battle?" Wagner makes motions as if stabbing an invisible spectre with a sword, "Maybe even do your chores for you?" He simulates mopping, "I sell them for very reasonable prices."

Wagner's words are a bit hard to follow thanks to his erratic way of speaking and German accent, but the gist is easy to ascertain.

[Vespe Ratavo]

((Back, dinner))
Hmm... maybe. Let me take a look at some of them...

[Nevrmore]

"Of course, of course. If you do not like any that I already have, you can request a custom one! It will take about a month, but I will make one specifically for you!"

Wagner leads Vespe Devlin over to the pen in the corner, where about twenty or so Homunculi reside.

"Tell me, what kind of Homunculus are you looking for? I will give you my professional opinion about which one would be best suited to your needs."

[Vespe Ratavo]

Hmm... honestly, I was wondering if you had any battle munchkin- er...Homunculus.

[Nevrmore]

"Ah, yes, yes. How about that one? He has fight in him!" Wagner points to one of the Homunculi. He is bald and already has a large scratch on his back. He is currently bullying another little person by shoving his face into the dirt.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Hmm.... how much?

((Also, it's Devlin. Vespe is currently trapped in the Plane of Lost things, and probably wouldn't be buying little people :smallamused:))

[Nevrmore]

"For him, how about...25gp?"

[Vespe Ratavo]

Devlin pulls a small bag out of his pocket and pours out 25 gp. He hands it to Wagner.

[Nevrmore]

Wagner smiles, pocketing the coins. He plucks the Homunculus from the pen, who flails around a bit, annoyed that he can't continue harassing the other munchkin. Wagner holds him out to Devlin.

"For an extra 5gp I can give him clothes and food supply for a week." The alchemist offers.

((Oops, missed the OOC))

[Vespe Ratavo]

Hmm... ok. Do they speak common? He hands out 5gp.

[Nevrmore]

"Ah, yes, yes. See..." Wagner pokes the little man man in the stomach, who begins cursing at him. The alchemist takes the 5 gp and heads out of the barn, returning a minute later with a small bag filled with clothing and some food. "Here - Homunculi can eat normal food, but I believe they prefer this." He says, indicating the jar he had packed the morsels in.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Devlin takes the bag. So...anything I need to know?

[Nevrmore]

"No no no, they are much like people, only...smaller, yes, smaller. Think of it like having a roommate, only he needs smaller portions of everything." Wagner says, nodding matter-of-factly, "Of course, if you need to know anything, it is to beware of...Ouroboros."

[Vespe Ratavo]

Ouroboros? Who, what, when, where, or why are they?

[Nevrmore]

Wagner lifts up the sleeve of his shirt, revealing a tattoo of a snake twisted in a circle, devouring it's own tail. "Ouroboros, it is the principle which all alchemists live by. It is the symbol of cycles and eternity which everyone is subject to. It represents the diphysite nature of alchemy itself...Be warned, never attempt alchemy on a Homunclus, for they will undergo unendurable torment. Their eyes will turn to blood, they'll vomit their flesh, they'll attempt to devour themselves just as the Ouroboros snake does."

[Vespe Ratavo]

:eek:

O....k...then....
I guess....if that's all....I'll...be...off...then...

[Nevrmore]

Wagner lowers his sleeve, "I mean no false worry, my friend! Only a skilled alchemist such as myself could even perform transmutation on anything like a human!" He says, smiling.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Well. Very well. Are there any contracts, or anything?

[Nevrmore]

"Contracts? No, no, they are like pets. You may just take him, if you wish."

[Vespe Ratavo]

Devlin takes the munchkin in his hands, and puts the bag in his pocket. Well, if that's all, then I'll be off. Pleasure doing business with you sir.

[Nevrmore]

"To you as well! Just come back here if you have any problems with your new Homunculus, I'll be happy to help!"

[Vespe Ratavo]

Devlin leaves. Now, what to call you....

[Nevrmore]

Wagner waves his goodbyes to Devlin before returning to the counter, storing the 30gp he just made.

[Nevrmore]

Wagner, seeing another slow day ahead, calls behind him, "Singen!" A female Homunculus, robin's wings growing from her back, flies up to wagner, landing on the desk in front of him. "Here, my sweet little Singen." Wagner says, handing her a roll of paper as large as herself, "Go out and post these around Town, maybe it will increase business." The little fairy does as she's told, flying off with the papers in hand.

[Sophistemon]

((Changed my mind. You can have this market; it's too much like slavery (in fact, it is slavery) and Gent won't touch that business.))

[Nevrmore]

((Hey, Wagner created them, Wagner can do whatever he wants with them.

That's perfect logic! Sort of.

I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship.))

[Sophistemon]

((Nope. I'm just not fond of the idea, is all. Now, if they were non-sapient machines... no problem. It's the fact that they're aware of their situation that bothers me and my character. But in the end it's just a game, and you are free to play it however you like.))

[Nevrmore]

Wagner's personal homunculus, Singen, comes flying back into the bar, landing in the alchemist's waiting hand.

"Did you do good, my sweet Singen?" He asks. The small, winged woman leans into his ear and whispers something to him. His eyebrow quirks with interest. "Really now? How very interesting."

[Therarde]

Therarde walks up, and walks inside. His eagle quickly flies outside. He attempts to ignore the smell as he says, So, this is the Homunculus Farm?

[Nevrmore]

Wagner perks up at seeing Therarder, nearly knocking poor Singen off his hand.

"Yes! Yes! This is Wagner's Homunculus Farm! Homunculi for very reasonable prices!"

[Therarde]

You see, I'm mostly just here out of curiosity. For one, what exactly would a homunculus be?

[Nevrmore]

Wagner smiles,

"Dear customer, a homunculus is the ultimate test of an alchemist's strength! Only those of noble blood and steep determination can ever hope to succesfully create one!" He says, using various hand gestures with his words to accentuate this. "You see my friend, the process is deceptively simple; You take the bones, skin fragments, and semen of any mixture of animals and arrange them in a pile of horse manure. You let the pile sit for 40 days, and you have created a homunculus - A little human! Depending on what animal your resources came from, the homunculus can range from a normal human to a reptile-man to a winged human, like my sweet Singen, here." Wagner lifts the hand holding Singen, who smiles brightly at Therarde.

[Therarde]

Therarde raises an eyebrow. Interesting. So you're saying that a homunculus is a little person that is made out of horse droppings. Very interesting.

[Nevrmore]

"They can do a variety of things! Just yesterday I sold a special combat Homunculus to fierce fighter man!" WAgner says, exgaerrating both Devlin and the little munchkin he bought.

[Therarde]

Amazing. I shall have to come back some time when I have funds. He says this, not particularly intending to come back. He walks outside, and as soon as he is out of the place, takes a deep breath. He heads back to town.

[Nevrmore]

Wagner waves goodbye to him before contemplating what to do about the information Singen told him.

[Warpfire]

Nathaniel enters, and looks around the room. He doesn't seem to be much effected by the smell. Then, he walks over to Wagner. "Can these little people you sell use magic?"

[Nevrmore]

Wagner suddenly remembers that he is supposed to be somewhere else and disappears.

His personal homunculus, Singen, fills in for him.

"Yes, we have special homunculi that can cast spells!" She says, her voice fluttery.

[Warpfire]

Nathaniel raises an eyebrow at the disappearing Wagner, then turns to Singen. After inspecting her for a moment, he says, "Are there any kind of...limitations on the power of the spells they cast? Or can these special homunculi cast spells like a normal person?"

[Nevrmore]

"Wagner says that at first they are a little weaker than a normal human, but if you train them right they can be just as strong!"

[Warpfire]

Nathaniel nods. "I'd like to purchase one, then. How much?"

[Nevrmore]

"Wagner says it's 25gp for a homunculus, plus ane xtra 5gp if you want to buy it clothes and food!" Singen jumps off the desk and takes flight, slowly flying towards the pen in the back. "You can choose one of your own!"

[Warpfire]

Nathaniel follows her towards the pen, and looks around at the various little people. "And which of these can cast spells?"

[Nevrmore]

Singen points to a small group of Homunculi at the back corner of the pen. Yes, they have cliques.

"Those ones are the ones Wagner created to be good spellcasters, but any of the others can learn it. But those are the best ones."

[Warpfire]

"Mainly out of curiousity..." Nathaniel reaches in and picks up a thin, short (even for a homunculus) one that somehow manages to look scholarly. "What's to keep the caster homunculi from banding together and causing a great deal of havoc with their powers?" Setting the homunculus on his shoulder, he digs through his pouch and comes up with 30 gp.

[Nevrmore]

"We Homunculi are very subservient, sir! We would never think of something like that!" Singen tries to take a hold of all 30 gold pieces, but seeing as they are nearly as big as she is, she has considerable problems.

[Warpfire]

Nathaniel nods. Seeing Singen having problems taking the gold, he says, "I'll just go set these on the counter." Walking over to the counter, he does just that.

[Nevrmore]

"Thank you." Singen says as Nate takes the gold from her. She flies behind the barn and returns a minute later with a few changes of clothes and a jar of food, "Here are the basic provisions for your Homunculi. I hope you enjoy your purchase!"

[Warpfire]

Nathaniel smiles politely and nods. "I'm sure he'll prove a useful companion." He puts the clothes and jar away in his bags. "Goodbye." He exits the farm, looking over at the small man on his shoulder. "What to call you..."

[blackout]

A Thunderhawk lands outside and a Blackout Raider soldiers walks in, carrying a large number of small sacks full of coins.
"Anyone in?"

[Nevrmore]

Wagner, deciding to tell Continuity to screw off, walks out from behind the barn and meets the Raider.

"Uhhm...Hello." He says, distracted by the man's armor.

[blackout]

"Yeah, listen. My boss, Shas'O Nukular, is running low on soldiers. He's pulling all of his 'regulars' to operate his ships and run ground operations. He needs garrison troops to keep his 'personal interests' protected, and up and running. He heard of your little farm, and wanted to purchase a total of 30000 Homunculi to act as cheap cannon fodder. We will handle their training and outfitting, and the development of specialized power-armor for them."

[Nevrmore]

Wagner nearly chokes at hearing the number of Homunculi they requested.

"Sir, right now I only have about 50 fully grown Homunculi, and about 50 more that are still growing...Your order is quite large."

[blackout]

"Pff. You should see his army. Even if the Homunculi were super-soldiers, they would get massacred by sheer numbers. Anyways, he needs them, ASAP. AND, preferably, he would have unquestionable loyalty to him hardwired into their DNA, along with a pure, unrestrained instinct for modern combat and tactics."

[Nevrmore]

Wagner scratches his head, "I'm sorry sir, but it takes forty days to create even one Homunculus...Unless you can somehow speed up time, I cannot fill this order if a quick fashion." As he gets more nervoud, Wagner's German accent becomes more pronounced...One wonders how long it will be until he's just completely speaking in German.

[blackout]

The Raider takes his bolt-pistol from his holster and fires a single shot into the ceiling. "Listen, pal, I'm in no mood for games. I need those Homunculi within 24 hours. And, I think I can find a way to speed up time."

[Nevrmore]

Wagner looks at the Raider, "I will refuse to do business with you if you continue to threaten me that way, no matter how much money you throw at me." Under his breath, he whispers "sheisekopf."

[blackout]

"Alright, look, I'm under alot of stress. You know what happens if I don't get this done? I get executed. Normally, the boss is ok with a couple of minor screwups, but if I don't get this done by the deadline, me, my boss, and everyone else in the raiders gets killed. I NEED to make this happen. I got a buddy digging around the Omnishop right now, he's trying to find something that might give me enough time to make this happen. If he finds that, he buys me some time to get this army raised. Anything you could do to speed the process further?"

[Nevrmore]

Wagner sighs and heads over to the shelves on the side of the abrn, picking out bones and skin fragments from humans and assorted animals that would make good fighters.

"I'll get to work...I don't suppose you have some more raw materials I can use?"

[blackout]

"YO, BOB! BRING IN THE TRUCK!"
A truck outside, dropped by the Thunderhawk backs up and is carrying a massive number of crates filled with skin fragments and bones.
"Don't ask where we got em."

[Nevrmore]

Wagner once again feels phlegm in his throat.

"You sure came prepared..."

[blackout]

"We can't screw this up. :) We do what we need to."

[Nevrmore]

Wagner begins inspecting the contents of some of the jars from the truck, seeing which ones would make the most fitting Homunculi.

[The Geomancer]

"YO, BOB! BRING IN THE TRUCK!"
A truck outside, dropped by the Thunderhawk backs up and is carrying a massive number of crates filled with skin fragments and bones.
"Don't ask where we got em."

((I cannot even begin to tell you how creepy that it. Trust me when I say it is a lot.))

[Warpfire]

A random NPC walks into the farm. To whoever happens to be nearby, he asks, "Do Homunculi have souls?"

[Nevrmore]

Wagner looks at the random NPC.

"Hmm...I never really thought about it...But I'd like to think they do." He says, stroking Singen's head affectionately.

[Warpfire]

The random NPC nods, then turns into a neat pile of skin fragments and bones, conveniently placed on the countertop.

[Nevrmore]

Wagner waves goodbye to the NPC, then waits for the Raider to respond or something.

[blackout]

The Raider comes out of Dead Time and pops his neck. "So, how goes the work?"

[Nevrmore]

"Much better if your friend ever gets here with that device." Wagner says. Between the time the Raider brought in all the ingredients and now, he has managed to plot a little over half of he piles.

[blackout]

The Raider that bought the device tosses it through the window(which breaks). The other Raider grabs it and activates it to speed up time within Wagner's workplace.

[Nevrmore]

Wagner finishes the other half of the piles in only a few seconds. It takes about 10 minutes, but soon enough 3,000 little people emerge from their disgusting faux-wounds, looking around curiously.

[blackout]

The Raider watches, interested.

[Nevrmore]

Wagner holds his head as he leaves the area where the time is sepeding up.

"Ugh...don't ever do that to me again! What a strange sensation."

[blackout]

"What? All it does is make everything seem slower outside the AoE. Nothing huge."

[Nevrmore]

Wagner snatches the stopwatch, turning it off.

"Just take your Homunculi."

[blackout]

The Raider snatches the watch back. "That's mine, pal. YO, MIDGETS!"

[Nevrmore]

The Homunculi look at the Raider curiously.

[blackout]

"Yeah, I'm talking to you shorties. As of right now, each of you is a soldier-wanna-be. A cadet. A soon-to-be grunt. Someone who's life has one meaning: To be cannon fodder. AM I CLEAR?!"

[Nevrmore]

All the little people nod hesitantly. They begin to flock around the Raider.

[blackout]

The Raider gets on his comlink with the Baseship. "Get a few dozen Dropships planetside, we need these little mongrels up on the base-ship immediately!"

((*cue the song 'Clones' by Ash.* :)))

[Nevrmore]

((We're all clones, all are one, one are all, one are all~~))

The Homuncli stare at the Raider, assuming him to be their new paternal figure.

[blackout]

((Actually, the one I'm thinking about goes 'Shame that everyone's the same' and stuff like that. :) ))

Several sphereoid ships land outside, covered in guns and armor. They open their bay doors and let down some large metal ramps to let the Homunculi in.
"Into the ships, now, all of ya! Don't make me get the bolt-pistol!"

[Nevrmore]

The Homunculi obey their new mommy and rush inside the ships.

[blackout]

The ships lift off. "Alright, Homunculi are loaded, right?"
"Affirmative, lieutenant. Their...gettin' kinda rowdy right now, though."

[Nevrmore]

Wagner sighs, "You got your cannon fodder, may I have my payment?"

[blackout]

"Here."
He hands over seven-thousand gps. "Enjoy!"

[Nevrmore]

"Danke." Wagner says, setting all the gold in a pile. His personal Homunculus, Singen, flies over to him.

"Do you think it was a good idea to just hand over there lives to him like that?" She asks, landing on his shoulder.

"No...I just hope I'm wrong." He says, shaking his head.

[blackout]

"Before I go, I want to know...are there any chances of any of them developing...individuality? Unique personalities? Identities?"

[Nevrmore]

Wagner sighs. Singen, now sufficiently afraid of The Raider and his way of thinkiny, hides herself behind the alchemist's head.

". It is not a possibility, it is an inevitability. The only way to stop it is the same way you stop a normal person from having a personality - treat them like prisoners. I can only hope that you would not."

[blackout]

The Raider frowns. "Well that's a darn shame then. The commander wanted them to be completely mindless, and said if any of them were to develop such things, they were to be taken aside for specialized training as commandos. *sigh* Guess I'll have to tell him to clear the commando training roster for the next few months."

[blackout]

((*whistles*))

[Nevrmore]

Wagner shrugs, not really caring what the Raider has to say anymore. He walks back inside his barn.

[blackout]

"<_< >_>"The Raider moves to release the remaining Homunculi from the pens...just for grins.

[Nevrmore]

The Homunculi sit there as the pen opens, not wanting to escape so much.

[blackout]

"...Hey, you want ice cream?"

[The Geomancer]

Aharon walks up to the barn and looks around for someone to help him.

[Nevrmore]

The Homunculi just sit there, not knowing what ice cream is.

"Why hello there, how may I help you?" Wagner waves to Aharon, signalling him closer.

[The Geomancer]

Aharon walks over to Wagner, smiling. I was wondering how much one of these little fellows would cost me?

[Nevrmore]

"25 gp for a standard Homunculus, plus an extra 5 gp if you wish to purchase clothing and a small supply of food for it."

[The Geomancer]

Oh...hmmm... Well, I don't suppose you would be willing to rent them? I would only need the help for a little while.

[Nevrmore]

"I am sorry, there is no renting." Wagner says, pointing to a conveniently placed sign that says "No Renting!"

[The Geomancer]

Are you absolutely positive there are no exceptions to that rule? How about some sort of payment plan. I didn't notice any signs that say "No Leasing". He looks really, really hopeful.

[Nevrmore]

"I am sorry, it is simply too easy to cheat me in such a deal. It is either you buy it or do not buy it."

[The Geomancer]

Damn! Oh well, I guess I have to do the whole thing. He walks out dejectedly, turning around and flashing Wagner the "Puppy dog eyes" every once and awhile.

[Nevrmore]

Wagner is uneffected by Aharon's glances, thought his personal Homunuclus, Singen, stares at him sadly.