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View Full Version : Gamer Humor For DMs: Messing with Rangers and Druids



Altrunchen
2014-12-01, 10:18 PM
Intro:
Tired of your rangers and druids valuing nature over the rest of the party? Sick of the ranger getting mad at the fighter for killing an angry and ravenous bear? Annoyed with the endless debates between the druid and the rest of the party over civilization encroaching on the forest or whatever? Tired of unoriginal character ideas that essentially replicate Pocahontas, Snow-White, Neytiri, Princess Mononoke, Captain Planet, Swamp Thing, and Radaghst? Are you just sick of the two "nature" classes altogether? Then this is the thread for you :smallbiggrin:!

How-To:

Step 1: Make a city someplace in your world. However big or small is up to you. The point is, that there's a notable location that lots of people live in.
Step 2: Establish that the city is located in the lowlands between a ring of mountains. The area in-between the mountains is nice and flat and the distance from the city to the mountains is about 100 miles.
Step 3: Let the players know that local people of this city have been complaining about tremors and minor earthquakes for the past few months.
Step 4: Have someone important in the city think that the tremors are the cause of some evil wizard (like it usually is in every other campaign) and have that dude send the party to some dungeon or whatever. Point is, lead them in one direction for a reversal later.
Step 5: While the party is in this dungeon, have an earthquake happen. Make it about a 4.0 or so, not enough that the dungeon collapses and the party dies (or if you want the party to escape a collapsing dungeon then you could jack up the magnitude), but enough that the party gets nervous.
Step 6: Have the evil wizard be senile and barely able to function let alone cause earthquakes.
Step 7: As the party leaves the dungeon, have a stronger earthquake happen. Then have a piece of the dungeon crack open and start venting steam and shooting out boiling water rapidly.
Step 8: As the party returns to the important dude who sent them there. Have that dude tell them that sinkholes and tar-pits are popping up around the countryside. And that the earthquakes are happening more frequently and are growing in strength. The guy then says that packs of wild animals have been seen vacating the forests and meadows, fleeing beyond the mountains.
Step 9: Have a week go by. I don't care what you have the party do. Just get them to drop their guard. Large amounts of time are good for that. But be sure to keep them in this city.
Step 10: After a week has elapsed, drop an 9.0 earthquake some 500 miles from the city (well beyond the mountains). Let the party role-play as they see fit as they hear the news.
Step 11: The important dude of the city summons the party and tells them to go ask the castle wizard what is going on. The wizard thinks that either there is powerful magic at work...or a massive volcano is about to erupt somewhere soon. The only problem with his latter theory is, he has no idea where the volcano would be since the land is basically flat for about 100 miles in all directions from the city.
Step 12: Then, not long after consulting with the wizard and certainly not long after the 9.0 quake. Have an explosion happen downtown. Now, plumes of smoke are billowing out of massive holes in the ground all over the city.
Step 13: Have the party hear that plumes of smoke are appearing all over the basin itself. Everywhere between the mountains.
Step 14: If someone prays to their deity and gets a response. Have them be told that the world is scheduled to end by natural causes via a supervolcano eruption someplace. And that it is about to erupt and poison the whole world in pyroclastic flows alongside catastrophic earthquakes, lava flows, and ensuing flash floods after the eruption is over and all the soot has caused it to rain all over.

Here is where you can now mess with the ranger and/or druid.

Step 15: Have the associated deity of the ranger and druid "reassure" their agents that there is no need to worry. That sapient life's return to the carbon, nitrogen, and water cycles will be a glorious one of fire, smoke, and ash. And that, nature doesn't need the help of sapient lives to progress or to be protected. Since nature isn't just limited to plants and animals, it also includes geology. Most importantly, have the deity tell the druid or ranger to not panic even though their life is in danger since no amount of sapient willpower can affect the will of nature and their fear ultimately means nothing and will just make their transition back into minerals all the more uncomfortable.
Step 16: Profit. Oh and watch the ranger and/or druid freak out.
Step 17+: Maybe construe some way for the eruption to be stopped with magic with an ancient spell that the party only has three days to master before the world ends. Lord knows magic fills every other plot-hole in D&D already amirite? Besides, it'd make them world heroes and it'd be emulating Majora's Mask with the three days till doomsday thing :D.

What This Is:
This is how you wake-up players that "nature" isn't just limited to plants and animals. That it matters very little if 1 person or 1000 people care about plants an animals since all that life can get snuffed out in a week or so by nature. That just because you want to play pocahontas or radaghast and want to be nature's friend, doesn't mean that it will be your friend back.

This is a super-volcano campaign idea.

veti
2014-12-02, 02:56 PM
Intro:
Tired of your rangers and druids valuing nature over the rest of the party? Sick of the ranger getting mad at the fighter for killing an angry and ravenous bear? Annoyed with the endless debates between the druid and the rest of the party over civilization encroaching on the forest or whatever?

No, not really. Intra-party conflict is the most entertaining part of many campaigns. It's an in-character problem between PCs, and that's how it should be dealt with - by the PCs settling it among themselves.

I'd probably just throw the ranger to the bear and leave them both to it.

Altrunchen
2014-12-03, 10:10 PM
No, not really. Intra-party conflict is the most entertaining part of many campaigns. It's an in-character problem between PCs, and that's how it should be dealt with - by the PCs settling it among themselves.

I'd probably just throw the ranger to the bear and leave them both to it.

You realize that this is supposed to be a joke right? Making a whole campaign to troll someone is just a waste of time. Besides, the thread tag reads: Gamer Humor.

Wait, you didn't even read the rest of the thread did you?

runeghost
2014-12-03, 11:55 PM
OP is right about how many players run their rangers and/or druids, but... those people are wrong. Druids and rangers, since their introduction, have been characters supposed to operate on the interface between civilization and nature. With the druid's role explicitly being to keep a balance, and the ranger more of using his familiarity with the wilderness to benefit the greater good. (Yes, later editions allowed more wide-ranging alignments, but the basic point still stands.)

Lurkmoar
2014-12-04, 12:06 AM
I got a chuckle out of this. Though if I tried to pull this off with my gaming buddies, I'm fairly sure they'd throw spitwads at me.

Altrunchen
2015-02-06, 02:37 PM
OP is right about how many players run their rangers and/or druids, but... those people are wrong. Druids and rangers, since their introduction, have been characters supposed to operate on the interface between civilization and nature. With the druid's role explicitly being to keep a balance, and the ranger more of using his familiarity with the wilderness to benefit the greater good. (Yes, later editions allowed more wide-ranging alignments, but the basic point still stands.)

Hmm that's interesting. I wasn't aware of those nuances to those classes. If only more people implemented them.


I got a chuckle out of this. Though if I tried to pull this off with my gaming buddies, I'm fairly sure they'd throw spitwads at me.

Spitwads? Lol, I'd probably be hung by my socks if I pulled this. XD

Beta Centauri
2015-02-06, 03:40 PM
Hmm that's interesting. I wasn't aware of those nuances to those classes. If only more people implemented them. As with a lot of other aspects of the game, people read the word and assume that's the long and the short of it, rather than looking at how it's actually used in the rules and the game.

Synovia
2015-02-06, 03:50 PM
OP is right about how many players run their rangers and/or druids, but... those people are wrong. Druids and rangers, since their introduction, have been characters supposed to operate on the interface between civilization and nature. With the druid's role explicitly being to keep a balance, and the ranger more of using his familiarity with the wilderness to benefit the greater good. (Yes, later editions allowed more wide-ranging alignments, but the basic point still stands.)

Aragorn is a good ranger example. The ranger/druid attacking the party over killing a bear is the equivalent of the lawful stupid paladin who kills a starving peasant for stealing a loaf of bread.

Flashy
2015-02-06, 03:55 PM
Intro:
Tired of your rangers and druids valuing nature over the rest of the party? Sick of the ranger getting mad at the fighter for killing an angry and ravenous bear? Annoyed with the endless debates between the druid and the rest of the party over civilization encroaching on the forest or whatever?[/SPOILER]

I don't know why but this really reminded me of the time I played in a group that consisted of a druid, a ranger and a barbarian and we mostly just wandered around beating up loggers. It was surprisingly entertaining.

Altrunchen
2015-02-06, 03:59 PM
As with a lot of other aspects of the game, people read the word and assume that's the long and the short of it, rather than looking at how it's actually used in the rules and the game.

Sad, really. Because they're missing out on the potential mileage they could get from the core content.


Aragorn is a good ranger example. The ranger/druid attacking the party over killing a bear is the equivalent of the lawful stupid paladin who kills a starving peasant for stealing a loaf of bread.

Thank you! Yes, I see Aragorn as the quintessential ranger. He may not have any of the spells that rangers get later on (which I wish weren't even there), but yeah he fits the bill otherwise. And yeah, your lawful-stupid paladin comparison seems to be very apt.


I don't know why but this really reminded me of the time I played in a group that consisted of a druid, a ranger and a barbarian and we mostly just wandered around beating up loggers. It was surprisingly entertaining.

Sounds like that Chuck Norris movie, Forest Warrior, where he does exactly that.

mikeejimbo
2015-02-06, 04:38 PM
I dunno, a supervolcano about to wipe out the earth sounds like a pretty cool premise actually...

Bob of Mage
2015-02-06, 05:59 PM
The only issue is what happens if the Druid or Ranger just gives the gods a middle finger? I mean in most settings those classes can get by without any god. Seems more like the nature gods being jerks than nature itself.

The super volcano is still a nice idea. It is also something you can't stop by throwing enough fireballs/kill spells at it.




I don't know why but this really reminded me of the time I played in a group that consisted of a druid, a ranger and a barbarian and we mostly just wandered around beating up loggers. It was surprisingly entertaining.

Man that sounds like oddly fun too.

Altrunchen
2015-02-06, 06:21 PM
I dunno, a supervolcano about to wipe out the earth sounds like a pretty cool premise actually...

As I think about it, I think I might want to run a campaign like that too lol...


The only issue is what happens if the Druid or Ranger just gives the gods a middle finger? I mean in most settings those classes can get by without any god. Seems more like the nature gods being jerks than nature itself.

The super volcano is still a nice idea. It is also something you can't stop by throwing enough fireballs/kill spells at it.

Yeah, for once it's not some demon, ancient evil, malicious wizard, or some collected sum of all evil like in all Final Fantasy games, it's just a world-ending super-disaster. Damn, I think I may have absentmindedly stumbled onto something here. Where is my notebook? >w>

Deophaun
2015-02-06, 06:37 PM
OP is right about how many players run their rangers and/or druids, but... those people are wrong. Druids and rangers, since their introduction, have been characters supposed to operate on the interface between civilization and nature. With the druid's role explicitly being to keep a balance, and the ranger more of using his familiarity with the wilderness to benefit the greater good. (Yes, later editions allowed more wide-ranging alignments, but the basic point still stands.)
Unfortunately, while that should be what druids are, that's pretty much tossed outside the window in some systems. Like 3.5: Druids are all about revering nature and are supposed to pursue a "transcendent union with nature." There is no balance here: A druid who ceases to revere nature (such as setting himself up as an arbiter between civilization and nature: how can you revere that over which you propose to sit in judgement?) loses all his powers. Meanwhile, a druid who tells all of civilization to go #$%& themselves casts 9th level spells and turns into a cryohydra without a hitch.

I wish Druids weren't that way, but the rules is the rules.

TheThan
2015-02-06, 07:36 PM
The ring of mountains is a dead giveaway. The players will notice it immediately and probably start and evacuation. So instead make it a little more subtle a caldera (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caldera) works nicely especially if it doesn’t look like an obvious volcano. Make one side foothills and the other side tall mountains or some such.

I do like the idea though, but taken a bit more seriously than just rolling the jerk druid. (really i've come across more druids that played that way than rangers).

Altrunchen
2015-02-07, 12:25 PM
The ring of mountains is a dead giveaway. The players will notice it immediately and probably start and evacuation. So instead make it a little more subtle a caldera (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caldera) works nicely especially if it doesn’t look like an obvious volcano. Make one side foothills and the other side tall mountains or some such.

I do like the idea though, but taken a bit more seriously than just rolling the jerk druid. (really i've come across more druids that played that way than rangers).

You do realize that I was kidding about making a whole campaign to mess with a player right? I mean, that'd be a really long route to take to get revenge on someone. And besides, the DM can alter stuff as much as they want in any module anyways, so adjusting the mountains wouldn't be a big deal or at all hard to do. But I appreciate that you like the idea. I'm starting to think I may want to make a supervolcano campaign just for the heck of it.