From this one campaign where I was playing as an illusionist:
> One time myself and the Dvati Yo-Yo fighters decided to disguise ourselves as a piece of newly delivered training equipment before the rest of our unconscious foes' allies could arrive. "Test your dodging skills against the Yo-Yo box!" We somehow managed to knock most of the mercenaries out before they realized what was going on (They might have been drinking). I think we made the 'box' play music while it was 'on' as well.
> We built an extra dimensional fortress out of enveloping pits and glue. At one point we stole part of a forest via fabricate to give the base some infrastructure. Moving around was usually done via psycrstal or skeletal raptor.
> By attacking from our invisible pit-base we convinced an army that it might be better to just seal off the hallway we were in and call it a day. This ended with us using a variety of spells to literally break the hallway into large blocks of stone that we then shrunk. I.E., we stole the hallway.
> "I save the good stolen toilet paper for special occasions"
> The best session in that game, IMO, was when we needed to get information out of two maidens. We decided to scare them into seeking help (us), but our deception quickly escalated as we used illusions, extra-dimensional spaces, and numerous disguised dread warriors to act out various roles all over the island town. It wasn't pre-planned at all, forcing us to stay one step ahead of the woman at all times. Fake taverns, fake law enforcement, false oracular statements, mysterious letters, planted townsfolk. We basically created a B horror movie plot on the spot :P.
In the end the the halfing pretending to be the heroic something something 'of love' something burst into the hidden chambers to save the woman from the wheels of pain, valiantly firing heart-shaped blasts against the replacement villain (The halfling had originally been acting as the villain but he wanted to pick up the girls so we quickly found him a stunt double).
> The main plot for much the campaign was pretty odd as well: We were trying to help our/my PC's dread warriors achieve in death whatever dreams they had sadly failed to achieve in life. Occasionally we killed humanoid foes and obviously then introduced them into the fold - which in turn increased the number of dreams to fulfill.
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Other games:
"Yes! My skeletal tentacle successfully nurses me back to consciousness!"
DM: "You can either save <PC X>, or the crate of bacon"
Everyone But X: "We save the Bacon."
DM: "...fine, you can save them both."
Young Me: "No, ray of frost + create water does not instantly seal people in blocks of ice. Doubly so if they are on FIRE."
-An OOC hour later-
Young Me: "....aaaand the enemy, frozen solid in the block of ice, shatters upon hitting the ground. He's dead."
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*MK's brother's PC Tears off the man's shirt and flings it back at the man* "He's done his time!" *Grabs the shirt-making child and charges out of the orphanarium (not a typo)*
*The PC (T), sans escaped child, reaches the sewer hallway with the secret door. The Law tackles him*
T: "Let me in!"
Other PC (D), whispering to self: "...Noooooo"
<At a later government-mandated OA meeting>
T: "My name is Tiberious Prime and I am an orphannapper"
Others: "Hello Tiberious"
--
A: "Using your fists is unfair."
B: "Seriously?"
A: "<A's PC> doesn't know how to form a fist."
B: "Seriously? Here, let him explain it to you. First you take your fingers and move them like so-"
A: "He doesn't get it."
^Note: Imagine A speaking without any hint of sarcasm or deceit whatsoever.
-
D: "So, they believe my pants are a magical artifact - one that can only change ownership through my death?"
Me: "Yes."
D: "T did this."
Me: "You did strand him on a deserted island. One 1500 miles away from the base."
D: "Fair enough".
-
D:"So Aries, the god of senseless violence, is all for protecting woman and children."
A: "Yes. Have to have soldiers for the next generation-"
T: "And he's against drug use."
A: "Yes. Drugs are ba-"
D: "And you're chaotic evil?"
A: "Yes."
A's PC <favored soul of 'Aries'> was also very chivalrous, of course. And he HATED servants of Athena, what with their do-gooder ways. He was totally up for killing them in between all the selfless innocent maiden and child saving.
--
"So, they are sorta like an extreme, militant PETA except they are awakened crops riding golems like power armor. Photosynthesize or die, you vile vegetarian."
--
D: "Who knew a stalk of wheat could be so evil?"
A: "I continue eating my vegetables! MWAHAHAHAHAHA"
B: *gasp* "A's actually acting evil!"
--
T: "..My <warforged PC> attempts to seduce the dragon by..."
--
"She's pregnant."
T: "..I'm stealing the eggs once she lays them."