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Skald
2016-04-15, 02:57 PM
I have a character with an alignment that is difficult to distinguish- His goal is to achieve world domination so that as a dictator, he can establish rules that promote individual responsibility, rights, and prosperity in a globally unified nation. He openly admits to his reason for this goal is completely self centered, because it's the world he wants to live in and has no regards for the comfort of others who enjoy the comfort of the status quo. He will use whatever means necessary to further this goal, including executing those who stand before him, and though he would avoid bloodshed, he will go with the most efficient approach available. However, once the new law has been established to a sustainable level, he plans to (if possible) convert the system to a true democracy and stand down from his office in order to enjoy his ideal society as a citizen.

Therefore, he would try to use the winged Tarrasque as propaganda to unify nations under his rule, uniting armies in an attempt to eliminate this beast that threatens the entire world.

Edit, also- what alignment WOULD that be? I mean,t it seems like lawful evil at first, but then you look at his reason, and you think maybe lawful good, or at least lawful neutral- but he places a high priority on individual freedoms, so I don't even know.

Oh, oops, forgot to post a scenario.

You come across a burning village.

CrackedChair
2016-04-15, 04:05 PM
I have my cleric pray to (insert name of deity) for a storm that could douse the fire.

The door behind you is suddenly barred by iron bars, both the exit and the way you came out of. A Helmed Horror draws it's blade and points it at you, signifying it wants to duel you before you proceed into the dungeon.

8BitNinja
2016-04-15, 05:15 PM
I have my cleric pray to (insert name of deity) for a storm that could douse the fire.

The door behind you is suddenly barred by iron bars, both the exit and the way you came out of. A Helmed Horror draws it's blade and points it at you, signifying it wants to duel you before you proceed into the dungeon.

I draw my own sword, raise my shield, and accept it's challenge to a duel and fight with honor, even if it costs me my life

Prince Zahn
2016-04-15, 11:37 PM
I draw my own sword, raise my shield, and accept it's challenge to a duel and fight with honor, even if it costs me my life

no scenario... I'll wing it
Vamber, my little fire mage, doesn't believe in fair fights and honor. He bombards the helmed horror with fire damage to assure my party member's success, albeit with a few small 1st and 2nd degree burns, because let's face it he was kind of in the way...

The party paladin got burned by the party fire wizard for fighting with honor against a stupid construct. The fire mage seems to stand by his accident, partially because the paladin really was in the way of his AoEs, fighting a construct face to "face", and partially because he has lay on hands, so we don't need to worry about it, and that you guys just have to be more careful so he doesn't accidentally hurt you guys again. Who's side are you on?

8BitNinja
2016-04-16, 12:03 AM
no scenario... I'll wing it
Vamber, my little fire mage, doesn't believe in fair fights and honor. He bombards the helmed horror with fire damage to assure my party member's success, albeit with a few small 1st and 2nd degree burns, because let's face it he was kind of in the way...

The party paladin got burned by the party fire wizard for fighting with honor against a stupid construct. The fire mage seems to stand by his accident, partially because the paladin really was in the way of his AoEs, fighting a construct face to "face", and partially because he has lay on hands, so we don't need to worry about it, and that you guys just have to be more careful so he doesn't accidentally hurt you guys again. Who's side are you on?

It's okay, I can heal my wounds

somethingrandom
2016-04-18, 04:00 AM
Doc DJ would yell at both of them while healing the "paladin" at the paladin We are shadowrunners we avoid fair fights whenever possibe. At the fire mage I don't care if he is in the way it is not ok to blast a team mate, learn a targeted spell you idoit.

One of you teammates has just been arrested for public nudity.

CrackedChair
2016-04-18, 05:53 AM
I'd honestly pay my hard-earned money to get them out of trouble... And then call them out on being an idiot.

You have a sneaking suspicion that you've incurred the wrath of a Revenant, who will not rest until you suffer greatly for his death.

Syldar
2016-04-18, 07:39 AM
I divine whether I really have incurred its wrath, and if so, research a spell to help it move on.

Your entire stash of lewt has been stolen by "the shadow thief." Your response?

8BitNinja
2016-04-18, 10:41 AM
I hunt this guy down, If he doesn't hand back my stuff peacefully, I engage in combat

It's not the amount, it's the principle

backwaterj
2016-04-19, 07:21 PM
Your entire stash of lewt has been stolen by "the shadow thief." Your response?

Sumasqi produces her quill and journal (which is never stashed with the lute loot) and begins to follow "the shadow thief" around "stealthily". She occasionally makes remarks such as "What a misnomer, it's clear that the perpetrator pilfers more than mere shadows" and even breaks a chuckle or two at the irony as he sears his own mind with all her Shadow Weave magic items. After she's gleaned what she can from him she dispatches him with a channeled shocking grasp (or dimension hop if there's a cliff/cage/other amusing terrain feature handy).

@V: Oops! Thanks for the save!

8BitNinja
2016-04-19, 11:08 PM
I hope no one minds of I add a scenario, if you do, I'll delete it

You walk into a bar and sit down at a table, a fight breaks out, knives are brandished

Syldar
2016-04-20, 07:58 AM
I summon my big, scary eidolon. (Appearance: black knight with dragon wings and claws, helm obscures head). I say "If anyone fights, they incur the wrath of me and my buddy here." For good measure, I ready a Slow spell. If a fight does break out, I cast it on the most dangerous fighters, and the eidolon starts punching/slashing doods.

Yours and your rival's adventuring parties have come across the same treasure room. What do you do?

8BitNinja
2016-04-20, 10:35 AM
Since my rival adventuring party is evil (why would I fight with the good guys?), I draw my sword and get ready to fight

Aniikinis
2016-04-20, 08:52 PM
My Suli-Jann Ozodrin shifts from Worldy Guise to True Form and launches into the room to devour some unlucky fools who want his treasure.

Situation:
The kobolds you were tracking were smarter than you thought, the snarl they'd constructed doesn't house the entrance to their warren. The entrance was actually at the entrace to the snarl behind a false wall that no one in your party noticed.

Darth Paul
2016-04-20, 10:58 PM
As a high-level druid, use Stone Shape to open my own door into the kobold lair, then summon Nature's Allies I, II, III, IV, and V to go and explain to the occupants the error of their ways.

SITUATION (actually happened to our party, years ago):
You are ambassador to the nomad tribe neighboring your kingdom. The chief has recently died and succession is to be decided between his two sons by a series of tests. One son is friendly towards your kingdom; if he succeeds, there will be a beneficial trade alliance. The other son is hostile; if he takes the chieftainship, there will almost certainly be a war which your king is eager to avoid, as the nomads are fierce warriors and could even overrun the kingdom.

The "friendly" son is first to face the test of strength; he is to jump into a pit alone and fight a dire bear. As the son prepares for his fight, you spot the head druid of the tribe standing next to the bear's cage, surreptitiously casting Stoneskin on the creature. You suddenly recall that you noticed the druid and the other ("hostile") son whispering together at the feast earlier; and your intelligence reports indicate that the druid is also hostile towards your king.... they are obviously conspiring to fix the outcome of the fight. What will you do?

Draconium
2016-04-20, 11:12 PM
My Barbarian (and personal favorite character), Scythar, ambassador of Queen Ellywick the Gnome, is not going to have any of this. This is supposed to be a fair fight, and besides, he likes the kid down there. Luckily, he's not just a Barbarian - he's also a fairly large Red Dragon.

So, he proceeds to walk over to the Druid, smiling to him and baring his fangs inches from his face, and politely but firmly ask him what, exactly, he thinks he's doing. This Druid better hopes Scythar likes the answer...

Situation:You are camping in the middle of the night when, out of nowhere, and entire cult of raving loonies runs out of the bush, demanding at the top of their lungs that you sacrifice yourself to appease their dark god. They seem fairly well-equipped, too. What do you do?

Darth Paul
2016-04-20, 11:29 PM
Justinian Smirnoff, Wizard to Kings (and ordinary people too), has found that there are few disagreements which cannot be resolved with a sufficient application of Fireball. If this should be one of them, Polymorphing into a Large Gold Dragon tends to take care of whatever difficulties remain. For any stragglers, Baleful Polymorph is always entertaining. My personal favorite is turning enemies into herring. I know they get a bonus to saving throws, but it's well worth it.

SITUATION:
You've been hired to deal with some thugs who are preying on traders passing through a local village. Posing as a merchant, you've lured out the villains; only to discover that they're actually a group of rakshasa using their shapeshifting ability to pose as ordinary humans... and in addition to their powers, they're rather heavily armed...

CrackedChair
2016-04-21, 07:06 AM
I try to find them out when they are in human form, and take something that belongs to them. Hopefully it will be enough to Scry on them and gain some allies in taking them down.

A sorcerer whom you have a personal grudge against is currently under an Antilife shell. He starts encanting a spell that he is sure will wipe you and your party out.

Syldar
2016-04-21, 08:06 AM
I tell the party archer to pincushion him, while I tell my eidolon to hurls a spear at him while I cast Spiked Pit directly beneath his feet.

You are in a room whose entrance and exit locked when you entered. The ceiling is spiked, and is slowly descending in a clichéd manner. What do you do?

8BitNinja
2016-04-21, 12:42 PM
I look in the mirror
see what I saw
Saw a table in half
Two halves make a whole
Jump through the hole to escape

and for my scenario:
you have entered the door to the north. You are now by yourself, standing in a dark room. The pungent stench of mildew emanates from the wet dungeon walls.

somethingrandom
2016-04-22, 06:14 AM
Ulfgar would look around using his dwarfen darkvison then procede to explore and look for his compaions.


Your are part of a group/organization that badly needs allies and allies are hard to find. A town which is allied to your groups is experiencing a leadership despute.
You have been sent to settle this dispute. Any half compentent investigtion will reveal that the town is a monerchy. Both potentail leaders are good people and want to reamin your groups allies but that the ligetmate heir would make a fairly useless leader.

8BitNinja
2016-04-22, 09:45 AM
I arrange a meeting with the king and have a discussion about it, warning him about the weak leadership of the new heir. If they decide not to act, then so be it.

A scenario:

You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.

Syldar
2016-04-22, 10:23 AM
I explain in a very thorough manner what a gazebo is BEFORE anyone in the party acts stupid. I then make sure this isn't a gazebo-shaped monster.

You kick down a door in a dungeon. On the other side is a massive plutonium dragon. It stares at you hungrily. What do you do?

8BitNinja
2016-04-22, 12:55 PM
Knowing just enough about chemistry to deal with this, I turn up the thermostat to room temperature and watch the dragon burn

You are walking down the street at night alone. You hear footsteps behind you. When you turn around, you see it's an eight year old girl pointing a 9mm at you. She says if you do not do what she tells you to, she will kill you.

Darth Paul
2016-04-22, 09:29 PM
I assume my true form as a Silver Fang werewolf. Even if those bullets are silver, I'll bet she wets her pants and drops the gun... and if not, I still think I can disarm her with non-lethal techniques. Of course, if she turns out to be "something other than" an 8-year-old girl, then it's "game on".


You've raided an evil temple in search of the cure for a magical disease which has been inflicted on the kingdom. In the final room you find a fighter who detects as Good, with a potion bottle in his belt. He tells you this is the cure you're seeking, but that he's been put under a geas to stay in this room and fight to the death against anyone who would remove it...

Professor Gnoll
2016-04-23, 05:49 AM
My Oathbreaker Paladin with a pathological fear of disease murders him as quickly as possible to get that cure, right now. Victoria never was one for patience.

The Ancient Dragon Grymwaldethatch is about to torch a village of fifty peasants. You have nearby the High Princess Vynveria, beloved by all the people in the land. Tossing her to the dragon will put it into a magical sleep and save all those peasants, and you've no magic or weapons with which to defeat it before the village is utterly destroyed, having been struck by an ancient curse that robs you of all of your levels and equipment. What do you do?

Syldar
2016-04-23, 09:34 AM
I stall for time by talking with the dragon, asking why it wants to torch the place, asking riddles, etc., while a party member looks for either A) someone who can defeat the dragon or B) something that could incapacitate him.

You fall into a dungeon full of redeads, wallmasters, floormasters, more redeads, and a couple dead hands. The way you fell in is one-way.

8BitNinja
2016-04-23, 10:53 AM
I go to the middle of the dungeon room so the wall masters can't pick me up, and attack the redeads with my sword when they get in close

You walk into your house and everything is gone. There is a note with an address to an abandoned warehouse on it. Below it, it says "come find me"

CrackedChair
2016-04-23, 11:54 AM
I look for anything this unknown burglar has left behind that belongs to him, and use a Scrying spell to locate him. I then have my cleric gather up allies for this threat... or prankster, if he's really not that harmful.

You are currently a victim of identity theft by a rather butthurt Bard whom you dissed. He has made several purchases in your name, ruined you by masquerading as you and acting like a fool, and has even fooled your party members into thinking he is you.

Darth Paul
2016-04-23, 02:15 PM
I take out an exorbitant contract on myself with the Assassins Guild to kill me in exactly 12 hours, no more, no less. Disguise myself and monitor the assassination to keep my party members alive. I can emerge from hiding the next day and explain the horrible twinning curse I was under.


You're alone in a room in the dungeon. You're presented with two one-way doors. A disembodies voice informs you that one door leads to a wealthy treasure hoard. The other leads to the lair of Crestor the Vile, a horrid monster. How will you choose?

8BitNinja
2016-04-23, 08:42 PM
I draw my sword, raise my shield, and kick down both doors. Why not both?

You are trapped in a room with a mirror and a table, the door is locked

Syldar
2016-04-24, 08:51 AM
I look in the mirror and see what I saw. I saw the table in half. Two halves make a whole. Hole in the wall, I escape.

You're in a riddle contest with a dragon. If you lose or try to escape, munch or burn.

CrackedChair
2016-04-24, 11:41 AM
I just simply unload my Meteor swarm on him. Honestly, if that dragon relies on riddles to kill adventurers, it can't be that tough, can it?

A Planetar is inside a vault that you opened. He gives you a choice between a Sword whose edge severs the very soul of a person ( In other words, criticals on a 15-20.) And a piece of armor that will protect your life essence ( gives you immunity to stat draining effects and Necrotic damage ). Which do you choose?

8BitNinja
2016-04-24, 08:24 PM
I choose the armor. The best offense is a good defense. Besides, soul slicing sounds a little evil

You rub a lamp and inside is a genie. The genie offers you immortality, but you will forever be the genie's slave, or you could have every wish you have granted immediately, at the cost of only having 5 more years of life.

backwaterj
2016-04-25, 12:12 AM
Thorvald guffaws and after throwing a few dwarvish taunts about the genie, his mother, and anything he obviously holds dear, kicks the lamp hard against the wall and walks away.

You wake up stripped of your possessions and strapped to a bloody stone slab. In the dim light of black candles, you can't make out the faces of your captors, only sinister chanting of half-glimpsed robed figures.

Darth Paul
2016-04-25, 12:17 AM
You rub a lamp and inside is a genie. The genie offers you immortality, but you will forever be the genie's slave, or you could have every wish you have granted immediately, at the cost of only having 5 more years of life.


EDIT: Ninja'd on the answer...

I decline both. Genie wishes NEVER work out. But if the genie will be my partner, I'll agree that he's fulfilled the terms and is free of servitude in the lamp. (Because a genie partner could be awesome.)

- - - Updated - - -




You wake up stripped of your possessions and strapped to a bloody stone slab. In the dim light of black candles, you can't make out the faces of your captors, only sinister chanting of half-glimpsed robed figures.

This is obviously the Kappa Kappa Omega Sorority Initiation Basement. I settle in for a rocky yet ultimately enjoyable and memorable ride. I'm sure glad Paladins have high Charisma and Constitution stats...


You're midway across a 400' rope bridge spanning a 1000' deep gorge. The bridge is ill-maintained and treacherous, maximum foot speed across it is 5 feet per round. (You're on a solo adventure, by the way.) At that moment, you become aware of a gryphon and a red dragon approaching along the gorge, engaged in an aerial battle. They're headed straight for the bridge and are evidently unaware that it's in their path. It's obvious that they'll collide with the bridge, most likely destroying it and plunging you to an untimely death, before you have time to reach solid ground. Options?

Syldar
2016-04-25, 07:31 AM
DIMENSION DOOR!!!!

A black mage is about to vaporize you like this:
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/8bittheater/images/f/fa/HADOKEN.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20090108121934
What do you do?

8BitNinja
2016-04-25, 12:09 PM
Put Fighter in the way when he becomes a knight. He can block anything, even the ground.

Prince Zahn
2016-04-27, 03:52 AM
I sneak attack the fighter from behind, while he gloats about surviving the impact.

the Marut is after you, for it is convinced that you are plotting to cheat death. what do you do?

8BitNinja
2016-04-27, 01:27 PM
the Marut is after you, for it is convinced that you are plotting to cheat death. what do you do?

I tell him my age, that should clear things up

somethingrandom
2016-04-30, 04:22 AM
8bitninja please post a situation for TPBY to responed to.

8BitNinja
2016-05-02, 01:37 PM
I'm sorry, here is my scenario

You are stuck in a room with two doors, in order to go out, you must go through one of them and defeat whatever is inside

On the left, there is a sign that reads:
IN HERE RESIDES 100 RAT SIZED DRAGONS

On the right, there is a sign that reads:
IN HERE RESIDES 1 DRAGON SIZED RAT

Kantaki
2016-05-02, 05:17 PM
I'm sorry, here is my scenario

You are stuck in a room with two doors, in order to go out, you must go through one of them and defeat whatever is inside

On the left, there is a sign that reads:
IN HERE RESIDES 100 RAT SIZED DRAGONS

On the right, there is a sign that reads:
IN HERE RESIDES 1 DRAGON SIZED RAT

I walk into the room with the dragons and convince them to let me leave in exchange for letting me pass. Of course I keep my word. For good measure I release the rat as well. Then I teleport as far away as possible.


Some idiot unleashed a giant swarm of (rat sized) dragons and a giant rat on the realm before fleeing to a unknown location, leaving the beasts to do whatever they want.

8BitNinja
2016-05-02, 06:06 PM
I get all of them to attack my group of valiant warriors, and we fight to our last breath

I'm going to leave this open so others can put thier answers too

somethingrandom
2016-05-08, 09:54 AM
Ulfgar would fight the smarm first with giant clodes of earth hoping that others join him in the fight as he knows he stands no chance talking anyoneinto helping. Then go after the dragon sized rat if he survives.

Challange: You are at the top of a tall building/at the edge of a high cliff being pursued by foe(s) you know you can not defeat.

Syldar
2016-05-08, 12:53 PM
Summon a flying creature that can carry me. Not that hard.

It's pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

8BitNinja
2016-05-08, 02:07 PM
I turn the lights on, simple enough

You walk into a cave and an old man is holding out a wooden sword. He says "It's dangerous to go alone, take this"

Kantaki
2016-05-08, 03:48 PM
I thank the man and take the sword. At the first opportunity I rise a few enemies as undead. After all the old man warned me not to go alone.

On your journey you reach two roads. The first is well maintained, easy to travel and has numerous inns that invite you to rest and offer all kinds of entertainment.
The other road is rocky, almost impassable and leads through a dark valley, avalanches can go of any moment. The only food available is whatever you can find and you will have to sleep either on sharp, pointy rocks or in the thorny underwood.
Which road will you choose?

8BitNinja
2016-05-08, 11:06 PM
I take the road less traveled, and save the other road for another day (like Robert Frost)

You are in the desert and you see a man with lacerations on his chest and unconscious. You can also infer that he is dehydrated, but there is only enough water for one person. On his body, there is a wallet, a Rolex watch, and a pocket knife.

backwaterj
2016-05-09, 12:42 AM
Stormcrow carefully checks the man's condition and supplies, and, once she's made absolutely sure there's no way for them both to make it out alive, calmly shoots him in the head. Better that than a slow agonizing death from dehydration. She leaves the man and his possessions; they would only weigh her down.

A depraved druidic circle is routinely setting fire to towns and villages that encroach on their forest, claiming the balance of nature is being upset by their presence and killing thousands of innocents. What do you do?

Prince Zahn
2016-05-09, 04:40 AM
Druids? My arch nemeses!

Nah,Vamber knows an opportunity when he sees it, he offers his service to help burn down the villages and banish the civilization away, who knows? He might need a favor from a Druid down the line.


The halfling fire mage has burnt town a commoner settlement and gained a level for character development. There were no unnecessary casualties besides delicious livestock. The Druids are not pleased by this bitter sweet victory, and they blame the fire mage, who is accused of sending a warning to the people. In your possession is a magic stone that let's you eavesdrop on that conversation and determine the fire mage's location. Who's side are you on? Who will you help? You must make haste before it's too late!

Kantaki
2016-05-09, 06:21 AM
I work for whoever makes the better offer.
So, not the druids. How are they supposed to pay me? With tree bark and pebbles?
And that is without their usual problems with "death magic".
All things considered I help the local law to capture the fire mage. Can't hurt to make them think I'm helpful.

You have been captured by the Evil Overlord. During one of your conversations you learn why they plan to conquer the world: They want to unite the various races and nations under one rule to prepare them for the battle against some terrible foe, far worse than they will ever be, they discovered and who will arrive soon.
What will you do?

Syldar
2016-05-09, 07:37 AM
First, I tell him to say that under the power of my ring of truth. If he lies, then the thwartage continues. if not, I send word of this to the various nations, asking for parley. The ones who refuse even after told under truth-telling magic I don't stop Mr. Big Bad Not-Really-Evil Guy from conquering.

At your camp, you hear a terrifying cry. When you look outside, a huge, winged shadow blots out the moon and stars.

8BitNinja
2016-05-09, 01:35 PM
I awaken my comrades and draw my sword. We've got enough supplies and the proper equipment to take this down. If we don't at least we died with honor.

You are just sitting alone, minding your own business, when a group of 50 5 year olds attack you. they are wielding knives

Prince Zahn
2016-05-09, 02:12 PM
N'nileus the evil Arctic Druid freezes them to death with a single ice storm spell and feeds them to his/her/hir polar bears. S/He is too busy to be their babysitter, especially not without his/her/hir morning mocha slush.


An evil, androgynous but attractive albino Arctic druid approaches you, and selects you as a mate and as a royal spouse. What will you do?

Libro
2016-05-09, 04:05 PM
The Swami, an aaracockra wizardess, who happens to bear resemblance to a white crested cockatoo, would be flattered but would have to politely decline. She already has a spouse. Should the druid become overly insistent, she will fire off a greater teleport and bolster her anti-scrying measures. If the druid is foolish or desperate enough to try further, she will likely cast first and ask questions later.



Your adventuring party is caught in open plains, miles from cover when low clouds cover the sky. At first it seems as if it is a normal storm, but then bolts of lighting streak down at your group. A draconic shadow is barely visible for an instant as the lightning flashes. You hear a booming voice shout "Surrender or Die" over the building storm.

Kantaki
2016-05-09, 04:18 PM
I sigh and tell my girlfriend that I'm sorry I returned late from my journey, promising her to make up for it and ask her if she pretty please could stop trying to kill my comrades. Once she calms down I offer her to accompany us the next time.

Your true love offers you to accompany them on a journey that would lead you across all known planes and even far beyond them. The specifics of the travel method would make you (close to) immortal.
However, if you accompany them you would give up a powerful position and the chance to inherit vast riches.
What will you choose?

8BitNinja
2016-05-09, 05:20 PM
I go on the journey. I never knew I had a true love (or even a girl that was sort of attracted to me) and money means nothing to me and power is nice, but not needed. However, as soon as things got sketchy (as in she started to try to make me do evil things) I would go back

You are attacked by a group of raiders in the wilderness, you are the only survivor. You are lost and have only a knife and a horse. Also with you is a three year old girl

ludoge
2016-05-10, 03:53 PM
Dimension Door as far away as I can get (I always have that one memorized, even without my spellbook !), with the girl, of course. Leave the knife behind, maybe they'll think it's cursed, who knows. Screw horses - those things are deathtraps. My uncle died falling from one ! Do my best to hide, wherever I went - hopefully the bastards won't attack what looks like a decently powerful wizard. Then again, I've already dealt with a few ambushes before, politely threatening the raiders with Black Tentacles before having to act on it. A shame I already used most of my spells today. As for the girl... if she's smart, take her as my apprentice. If not, try to sell her back to her parents, or if they can't be found - or she's very young - sell her to some rich childless couple or something like that.

A 10-year old-ish boy enthusiastically approaches your group while you are on the road. He has heard about you, and wants to join you at all costs. He is determined to follow you anyway if you refuse: he says he can fend for himself and live off the land, though he doesn't look the part. He looks specifically up to you as a role model.

8BitNinja
2016-05-10, 05:12 PM
I ask the boy if he has a family, if he answers yes, I ask him if he is willing to leave that behind, and possibly die for them. If he accepts the calling of the paladin, I ask him if he is willing to train for years and uphold a strict moral code. If he says yes, and his parents agree to let him journey with me (if he has any), I will take him up as my squire, and train him to be a paladin.

You find out by a bald man in shades the world you live in is a computer simulation, and that you are the chosen one to free humanity from the sim.

Vivee
2016-05-10, 06:00 PM
My character would ask multiple questions, before accepting the responsibility.

You find yourself trapped in a jail cell, alone. How would you get out?

Asmodean_
2016-05-11, 01:52 AM
Teleport.

You are at the points of a track. There is a runway tram on the track and it is heading straight towards five people. On the other track is one noble who will reward you greatly if you spare his life. What do you do?

somethingrandom
2016-05-11, 05:43 AM
Unless the tram obviously has people on it then Ulfgar would stop it by flinging a ermourmus lamp of earth at it pushing it back.


Situation:
There is an indivual who is unbelievably powerful evil ,uterly psychotic and insanly overpotective of his daughter in fact he trotured to death the last erson who hurt her fealings in the slightest why. His daughter has just asked you out?

ludoge
2016-05-11, 06:51 AM
I accept; looks like a good opportunity to inherit this guy's resources, and perhaps put them to a more... scientific use. There IS such a thing as bad publicity, you know. Of course, I'd get crazy-prepared with several possible escape plans, and possibly another identity or two, in case something goes wrong. Which might be the case, I'm usually quite blunt with people; I could see myself playing the long game with this girl though. At least I'm not very likely to cheat...

You are interrogating what is almost certainly a spy. You reach an agreement with them: you'll let them go if they write everything they know about their mission on a piece of paper. They hand it to you, you untie them, and as they start to leave you realize the paper contains nothing but a long string of profanity. How do you react ?

Syldar
2016-05-11, 07:44 AM
I cast hold person, then clearly explain that I will now check the paper BEFORE I untie him. I tie him up and remove the spell. Now get writing!

You are lost the Forest of Doom. Suddenly, you find a clearing surrounded by glowing blue mushrooms. What seem to be fairies are dancing in it.

Asmodean_
2016-05-11, 09:57 AM
Mornin'. Do you know how to get to Stahltor?

You are faced with a choice of two doors. One leads to certain doom and the other leads to a plot token. There are three guards guarding the doors. One always tells the truth, one always lies, and one shoots people who ask stupid questions.

Kantaki
2016-05-11, 12:02 PM
I kill one of the Guardians and tell the others to show me the right door or I do the same to them. And no tricks because I will send them through first.
Should they be uncooperative I repeat this until one of them helps me or I run out of guards. In the latter case I raise them as undead and test the doors with them.



You are in command of a army. One of your spies informed you that the enemy will attack one of your nations cities in a few days.
You could protect the city, but doing so would give away your spy and might cost you the war.
If you let the city fall everyone there will die.
What will you do.

Vivee
2016-05-11, 12:13 PM
First, I would attempt to use my high charisma stat to attempt peace with the opposing army. If that fails, I would protect the city. Lives are more important than whatever we're fighting over.

Scenario
You find yourself against a deadly bunny. People who are stronger than you have gone against it and died.
There is no escape, there are highly advanced magic wards, preventing any magic from being cast. The only exit is
blocked by the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog. (Yes, I just referenced that.) You can either kill the rabbit, or convince it to spare you. Both methods are equally difficult.

8BitNinja
2016-05-11, 01:33 PM
I ask Brother Maynard to bring out the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. After he reads from the book of armaments, I take the grenade pull the pin, count to three, and chuck it at the rabbit.

That's smite evil done properly.

You lay down in your bed when suddenly, in the middle of the night you hear a creaking sound. From a quick glance over you can see there is an actual monster under your bed. A feral bugbear to be exact

somethingrandom
2016-05-16, 07:00 AM
@ 8BitNinja Damn you, you have made me want to create some sort of multiclass alchemist / paladin or cleric not sure which would work better.

Scream, jump out of bed and start flying large clods of earth at it, then if he survives complain to the innkepper.



You wake up under a bed to a angry dwarf throwing large clods of earth at you, you have also also apperently been ploymolfed into a bugbear unless of coarse you have always been a bugbear.

8BitNinja
2016-05-16, 01:20 PM
@ 8BitNinja Damn you, you have made me want to create some sort of multiclass alchemist / paladin or cleric not sure which would work better.

My suggestion is Paladin/Cleric, but with skills in craft item. But I've never multiclassed before, so I'm not an expert on the topic :smallamused:

Kantaki
2016-05-16, 02:10 PM
You wake up under a bed to a angry dwarf throwing large clods of earth at you, you have also also apperently been ploymolfed into a bugbear unless of coarse you have always been a bugbear.

I knock out the dwarf for annoying me, rob him and try to turn myself back into a human. Should this fail use the money to pay someone who can turn me back.

On a journeys you come across a orphanage.
While the children are healthy, happy and get the education they need to have a chance to live a honest life. However, they are raised by a demon who uses the orphanage as a front to hide from her enemies.
Slaying the demon would prevent her from potentially doing evil in the future, but it would mean that noone would take care of the children and they would have to survive on their own.
What will you choose?

8BitNinja
2016-05-16, 02:17 PM
On a journeys you come across a orphanage.
While the children are healthy, happy and get the education they need to have a chance to live a honest life. However, they are raised by a demon who uses the orphanage as a front to hide from her enemies.
Slaying the demon would prevent her from potentially doing evil in the future, but it would mean that noone would take care of the children and they would have to survive on their own.
What will you choose?

I slay the demon, and then I take care of the children myself until someone else (probably the member of a clergy) can take over.

All your friends are being mind controlled, and are being used to attempt to kill you.

Pavbat666
2016-05-16, 07:13 PM
Being a Paladin, I would meet him in the eyes, and say no, and then I would start acting all diplomatic about it. I would try and persuade the troll to let me pass with my high diplomacy, and if that doesn't work, I will just wait for him to get ready, and then fight to the death. This will probably end up in my dying, but I guess whatever. I mean I am a paladin after all...

backwaterj
2016-05-16, 08:18 PM
All your friends are being mind controlled, and are being used to attempt to kill you.

Well, it's a good thing Tarrog has no friends then. :smallbiggrin: Any non-friends that try the aforementioned tactic he'll rip apart with his six sets of spectral claws and probably eat for good measure.

Scenario:
You have freed a genie from 10,000 years of imprisonment in an old pocket flask (because lamps were so last millennium). The genie by way of thanks (being short on wishes and somewhat of a cheapskate) offers you two choices: eternal wisdom or eternal happiness. Which do you choose?

@V: Good call. Even if he had friends he'd be constantly belligerent with them. :smallamused:

8BitNinja
2016-05-16, 11:22 PM
Well, it's a good thing Tarrog has no friends then. :smallbiggrin: Any non-friends that try the aforementioned tactic he'll rip apart with his six sets of spectral claws and probably eat for good measure.

I was going to ask if you wanted a friend, but on second thought, I'll pass

Asmodean_
2016-05-17, 12:41 PM
Eternal wisdom. A lifetime full of giving hilariously unspecific musings to those requesting my wisdom is basically my idea of eternal happiness.
(haha they think they're protagonists)

Scenario: A tram is out of control on the tracks, and you're in the points box. If you turn the points, the tram will slam into Hitler. If you do not, the tram will run into five Hitlers. What do you do?

8BitNinja
2016-05-17, 01:29 PM
I turn the train to hit the five, and then charge at the one and throw him in front of the train that hit the five to stop the train

Who says you can't have both Utilitarianism and Rule Utilitarianism?

If you remember my genie one from last time, here is part 2:
You find another lamp. After you rub it, the same genie comes out. This time, the genie offers you a kingdom with vast riches at the cost of being surrounded by enemies with all your friends and loved ones turned against you as well, or having no money or power, but everyone you have met or ever will meet will love you (not necessarily romantic love, there is more than one definition of love, but I guess you have that option too).

Kantaki
2016-05-17, 01:40 PM
I throw the lamp back into whatever ditch I found it in and- after picking up what I came for- continue my journey. The genies offer I ignore. Neither option sounds good to me. Neither do I desire to rule a kingdom nor do I wish that people get brainwashed because of me.


You are part of a group on a mission to learn more about a potential enemy. While in said potential enemies territory you witness how some cult prepares to sacrifice a young girl to whatever entity they worship.
The cultists are small enough in number that you could prevent the sacrifice with relative low risk to yourself and your comrades.
However, doing has a high potential to reveal your presence and to cause the failure of your mission.
What will you do?

CrackedChair
2016-05-17, 02:21 PM
I take a few robes of these cultists and dress up as them. Once I approach the girl, I calm her down, maybe give the cultists the expressive digit ( possibly while covering the lass' eyes, then Dimensional door my way out.

You see a Pensiula ahead. But the ship bound to yor quest is the other way.

Asmodean_
2016-05-18, 12:38 PM
I ignore the pensiula - I can always come back later if I want to enjoy the views with a whiskey or something. The same can't be said for that ship.

After some series of unexplainable events, you find yourself a contestant in the inaugural paella-off.
To the death, of course. At the end of each day, the contestant who has made the worst paella is executed and used in the next day's paellas.
And you don't even know what a paella is.

8BitNinja
2016-05-18, 12:47 PM
After some series of unexplainable events, you find yourself a contestant in the inaugural paella-off.
To the death, of course. At the end of each day, the contestant who has made the worst paella is executed and used in the next day's paellas.
And you don't even know what a paella is.

Since paella is a shrimp dish, I am not scared, because I am not shrimp. In fact, I just leave

Someone else probably has a better answer, so I'm not going to post a scenario

Prince Zahn
2016-05-19, 05:51 AM
Taevyn just sits around and takes the day off, since the person below me can't be a****d to narrate a scenario for him, and he ain't making no gosh-darned paellas.

For the record, he did not use the words gosh and darned.

You are relaxing under an apple tree in a new land, when a little apple falls on your head. Due to the (slightly dysfunctional) laws of physics in this part of the multiverse, the Apple deals you 10d8+45 bludgeoning damage and proceeds to grapple you with it's bonus action, threatening to drag you into beneath the ground. It is then you realize how dangerous this place you are in. Any magic or psionics or similar effects you use only explode in your face, which doesn't deal damage but you shrink a size category. The ocean you came from has vanished from sight. How do you plan to survive? Can you get out of this place? What do you do in my tippyverse?

Syldar
2016-05-19, 08:13 AM
I realize that I'm in a universe similar to the game "I Wanna be the Guy." Thus, I find a save point, grab it, and whack it periodically to save while finding how the Hel I get out. And I stay away from those fruits.

You are in Tartarus (as in, sent there directly, not killed and judged eeeeevil) for one reason or another. What do you do?

Kantaki
2016-05-19, 08:28 AM
Depending on the exact situation I flirt, fight, bluff or buy me a safe resting place. At the next opportunity I plane shift back home.


While you are on a quest in a far away country you find rest and healing in the temple of a local deity of life, healing, love and peace.
During your time there you realize that one of the acolytes is a succubus.
If you confront her she begs for mercy and claims she changed her ways, that she is in this temple to learn a way to do good.
What will you do?

8BitNinja
2016-05-19, 10:08 AM
I detect evil on her. If she really is evil, the Evildar(TM) will pick it up. If she is, I proceed to smite

You walk into your house and you find yourself surrounded by expertly trained an equipped mercenaries. There is also an antimagic field in the room

backwaterj
2016-05-20, 01:54 AM
Lark gives a nod, doffs an imaginary cap, and says good morning to his hired mercenaries.

Or for less of a cop-out answer:

Banshee wouldn't be walking in the door without the protection of her Personal Mobility Vehicle, surrounded by an escort of well-armed drones with not-precisely-legal modifications. The real question is, who's going to clean up the mess?

El Scenario:
Horror of horrors! Someone has cut in front of you in line! How will you respond to this grievous slight to your honor?

somethingrandom
2016-05-20, 05:31 AM
Ulfgar
Grumble and possibly make the earth shake a little anound him but only slightly not nearly hard enough to cause anyone or anything to fall over or be damaged.

Doc DJ
Boost his charisma using magic then calmly but firmly insist that the cutter goes to the back of the line.

Guns Magee
Pull one of the many guns on his person put it to the back of the idoits head and fire.

Situation

You wake up to discover a human bay wraped in blaknet lying a a basket sitting in you camp/ outside your door.

Libro
2016-05-20, 06:16 AM
How did you fit a whole bay in a basket?:smalltongue:
Will proceed assuming it was meant to be "baby".

Elthias Holmgate, a dwarven generalist, would likely take care of the child until he or his party could reach an orphanage. Given the Teleport and Scrying spells he was planning on preparing this morning, that should be very soon.

You have just woken up to find you have lost all of your equipment, and you're in the brig of a pirate schooner.

somethingrandom
2016-05-20, 07:56 AM
@^ you are right I ment baby I somehow managed to miss that typo

Syldar
2016-05-20, 10:15 AM
I use my charisma and possibly magic to convince the guard to free me. I grab my stuff, and either teleport or take over the ship.

You are on a ship that is being attacked by pirates! What do you do?

8BitNinja
2016-05-20, 01:29 PM
I stand there and fight them, considering their weapons and armor compared to mine,

http://31.media.tumblr.com/095b9ecbe89c4d9c44b3dec5e264e752/tumblr_n0lfsxSzs01to8b7io1_500.gif

You are walking through a forest, as you have heard of a possible recruit for your Knight's Order you have been building. When you find him, he has already killed someone in a duel and says that you may not pass. If you try, he will kill you.

Vivee
2016-05-20, 04:54 PM
Reply "Okay." and leave. Paladins are so stuck up I swear...

You're literally dying, and you cannot any spells. What now?

CrackedChair
2016-05-20, 05:39 PM
Just take a successful medicine check. I mean, I am knowledgeable in medical things, it can't be that hard to stabilize myself, can it?

A bunch of hobgoblins locked you into a pit fight. Against a bunch of hobgoblins in an Apparatus of Kawalsh, no less.

8BitNinja
2016-05-20, 05:53 PM
I jump on top of the apparatus. If I'm away from the claws, it can't hurt me

Someone just took your wallet, you see them running away

Kantaki
2016-05-20, 08:24 PM
Since I keep nothing important in there- just many pieces of paper with explosive runes and a contact poison on them I let the thief get way. What happens next isn't my problem.

During a treasure hunt, when you have finally reached the place marked by a X, a person of... questionable appearance, that made it there as well, has challenged you to game. The winner gets all, the looser a unmarked grave.
The game goes like this: Your opponent prepares two glasses of wine. In one of them is a undetectable poison strong enough to beat most resistances. You have to pick whichever wine you deem safe then both of you drink. No magic allowed.
What will you do?

backwaterj
2016-05-20, 09:04 PM
"Ach, wha'e'er will get ye te shut the blazes up!" says Thorvald. After carefully watching his opponent prepare the glasses, he makes a show of considering his options, based on the fact his opponent is Sicilian and the poison comes from Australia, a land populated by criminals. While doing this he covertly loads his heavy crossbow under the table and fires a killing blow to his opponent's vitals.

Then he drinks both glasses. That's good wine, durnit, and he is a dwarf!

Your scenario, PBM:
You find yourself plummeting down a seemingly endless chasm with no discernible top or bottom. Judging by the airflow you're at terminal velocity, and there are no side passages. For giggles let's say magic/magic equivalencies do not function here and you have no technology that lets you defy gravity.

somethingrandom
2016-05-21, 05:39 AM
All 3 would likly responed in the same way.

Scream

Find religion and start praying.

Die.

Situation.

Whither by accident or design you have recently learned a magical word of terrible this word if spoken will end all existance.

A knight stands before you he wants to ensure the word is never spoken in the only way he belives possible by killing everyone that knows it.

You know that if anyone attempts to erase the word from your mind it will instead erase everything else from you mind so the only thing you know is the word.
You suspect the knight will also knows this as he is from a knightly order dedicated to ensuring the word is never spoken

Syldar
2016-05-22, 09:27 AM
"I have an idea, Mr. Knight. Find someone who can cast an enchantment on me that will render me mute for a minute if I attempt to speak the word. As long as it takes effect before I finish it, I won't be able to say it."

Bohandas
2016-05-22, 01:08 PM
All 3 would likly responed in the same way.

Scream

Find religion and start praying.

Die.

Situation.

Whither by accident or design you have recently learned a magical word of terrible this word if spoken will end all existance.

A knight stands before you he wants to ensure the word is never spoken in the only way he belives possible by killing everyone that knows it.

You know that if anyone attempts to erase the word from your mind it will instead erase everything else from you mind so the only thing you know is the word.
You suspect the knight will also knows this as he is from a knightly order dedicated to ensuring the word is never spoken
Chop down the tallest tree in the forest with a herring.

8BitNinja
2016-05-22, 02:47 PM
I meet the knight and say "you may kill me, but at least let me die with honor." I then draw my sword and raise my shield. Although I fight him, I let him win, my life is less important than existence herself.

A group of angry villagers are dragging a woman through the street with a crudely strapped on long pointy nose yelling to burn the witch.

Professor Gnoll
2016-05-23, 05:23 AM
Poor old Constanta knows that it's wrong, but she just doesn't have it in her to go against fanaticism. It's too important to her. She allows the wrongful execution and weeps bitterly later, blaming herself for her weakness and sinking ever deeper into self-hatred.

A shady looking but sharp-dressed man with a narrow smile and eyes that gleam like fire offers you your hearts desire- the single thing you absolutely want more than anything in the world. The price? Why, only your name...

Syldar
2016-05-23, 09:07 AM
"Here, put on this ring. Now tell me, why do you want my name?" Ring of truth, by the way.

You are swarmed by zombies, skeletons, giant spiders, and weird exploding shrubs in the middle of a forest.

8BitNinja
2016-05-23, 09:44 AM
We're playing Minecraft? This is easy then

I pull out my sword made of pure diamond (and a stick for a handle) and charge straight at the zombies and spiders. As for the skeletons, I can circle strafe them and dodge their arrows, and use the trees for cover. For the exploding green shrubs, I light them on fire with flint and steel to prematurely detonate them. I've been in a mob raid in Minecraft more than once.

You are exploring a cave alone (It's dangerous to go alone) and you come across a ravine. From across the ravine, an arrow flies at you

Asmodean_
2016-05-23, 01:26 PM
I identify the source of the arrow* and fire a scorching ray right back at him.

Following a failed attempt to expose corruption in a local government, you are in a locked room with nothing except a small table and a button. You were told to not press the button, but you don't know whether they're bluffing or not. The button does not seem to be connected to anything except the pedestal it is on.
(If it helps, the button is red)



*I'm a drow; I have darkvision.

Kantaki
2016-05-23, 02:59 PM
As fascinating that button might be, I will not touch it.
Instead I summon a monster to do so while I dimension door out and watch whatever happens from a safe distance. Afterwards I leave the area in question via teleport.


You are a guest at a royal court. During a huge feast the king throws a golden trinket off the cliff the castle stands on into the bottomless ocean, where no light reaches, and proclaims that whoever returns the object may take it as their price- and the hand of the prince or the princess in marriage if they dare to repeat the feat.
What will you do?

8BitNinja
2016-05-23, 04:59 PM
As a paladin, I never refuse a challenge. I first put on a ring of water breathing I keep around just in case, and jump in. I also ask my cleric friend to give me something to protect me from the pressure. After getting it, I throw it back into the water and perform it again. After that, repeat it a third time, and dedicate the third time to my deity. Getting the prize and marrying the princess is a nice win for me, but the bigger win is that I over completed a challenge for my deity.

You have been sitting in line for a long time to buy something you desperately need. When you get to the front, you find out it is sold out

backwaterj
2016-05-23, 08:24 PM
Fortunately Thorvald has had the foresight to magically pickpocket the item off one (if not several) of the customers before him, so he no longer really needs it. He spits in the cashier's face and walks away, swigging on his pocket flask.

You're marooned on a desert island with several other travelers with little in the way of food, supplies, or fresh water. Your fellow survivors are the ship's first mate, a circus clown, an accountant, and an experienced shipwright (but you're reasonably certain the shipwright was the one who sabotaged your vessel). Who do you eat first? What do you do?

somethingrandom
2016-05-24, 05:55 AM
Doc DJ would call for help on his comlink (future cellphon) but his comlink isn't working or he can't get help he would highly effectivly threaten and intimiadate the shipwright into biulding them a ship to get them of the island/or repiaring the old one and enlist the accountants help in rationing the remaining food.

Guns Mcgee would shot the shipwight out of shear anger. Then shoot the accountant and clown because they are useless then call for help on his comlink, then either wait for rescue or streve to death.

Ufgar would try to threaten the shipwright into making a new boat/repairly the old one but being the gruffest dwarf ever would likly fail massivly then would enlist the accountants help in rationing the remaining food and hope for rescue.


Situation you are exporing the tower of a suspected necromancer. You come accos alchemical apparatus apples are going in one end at the other end 3 breakers are being filled one has a brown liquid the other 2 have clear liquids. The gnome you are traveling with has mixed the 3 liquids together and is about to drink them.

Kantaki
2016-05-24, 11:52 AM
Since it is my tower (that will be fun to explain later) and I know I was distilling alcohol I let the gnome drink because it's going to be hilarious when she is drunk.

Your quest giver has betrayed you and your friends and instead of paying you has you arrested by his troops. While they have surrounded- and hopelessly outnumber- you he walks off with the McGuffin, laughing madly.
What will you do?

Asmodean_
2016-05-24, 11:52 AM
I let him. If he's stupid enough to actually do it, he deserves whatever happens to him.

Situation. While investigating the disappearance of a prince/ss, your elder brother lets slip about having dealings with a necromancer who wanted a royal child to sacrifice to demons. What do you do?

8BitNinja
2016-05-24, 04:21 PM
First, I demand him to tell me where he is and if he has the princess. When he tells me, I rally my order and march on the necromancer's castle. This guy will not sacrifice the princess. After I'm done, since he had dealings with the necromancer, I throw him at the mercy of the king.

When walking along the dark halls of a dungeon, you end up finding a lamp looking exactly like the last two. Upon rubbing it the same genie comes out (this genie will NOT stop bugging you). The genie offers you either being able to lift anything with ease and destroy anything with one punch, but at the price of becoming extremely fragile, or being able to never get sick and absorb ant damage, but at the price of being extremely weak.

backwaterj
2016-05-25, 12:31 AM
Cop-out response:

Thorvald does pretty much the same thing he did with the last lamp, insulting the genie and walking away.

Non-cop-out response:

Banshee has little need of physical strength, since she's a technomancer who operates through drones. She'll gladly take option two, considering getting sick is a major concern and ant damage is nothing to be taken lightly. :smallamused:

Your scenario, PBM, should you choose to accept it:
Giant ants are damaging more or less anything they come in contact with. Since these ants behave more or less like normal ants (swarming and carrying off food weighing more than 500 times their own mass) this is slightly annoying. Que haces?

8BitNinja
2016-05-25, 04:49 PM
I get out my biggest guns and my brothers in arms. We should have enough dakka to defeat them.

I won't post a scenario since my answer kind of sucks

Bohandas
2016-05-26, 12:07 AM
Your scenario, PBM, should you choose to accept it:
Giant ants are damaging more or less anything they come in contact with. Since these ants behave more or less like normal ants (swarming and carrying off food weighing more than 500 times their own mass) this is slightly annoying. Que haces?

Bombe the Evoker -> Burn the Ants. Burn! Burn! Burn!

Formicid the Ekolid (bug demon) -> Seduce the ants


http://s20.postimg.org/tof5bjl8d/Placronym_Sized_and_Cropped.png




How are we going to spend all this money?

Kantaki
2016-05-26, 11:30 AM
Giant ants are damaging more or less anything they come in contact with. Since these ants behave more or less like normal ants (swarming and carrying off food weighing more than 500 times their own mass) this is slightly annoying. Que haces?

„Time for my vacation. On another plane. Where I will stay until the ants are dealt with. Planeshift.”

A cataclysmic event threatens to destroy your world and the souls of all inhabitants within the next year. All attemempts to stop it have failed. A evacuation to other planes is effectively impossible.
A ancient, extraplanar entity sealed away eons ago offers you to prevent the end of the world if you free it. However, there is a prophecy that if said entity is ever freed it will return a thousand years later to conquer the world and reshape it in its image.
What will you do?

Asmodean_
2016-05-26, 02:31 PM
I'm not gonna be alive in a thousand years unless something goes horribly right, so that's future world's problem. I let it out.

No scenario, someone else could probably give a better response than I could.

Bohandas
2016-05-26, 03:08 PM
„Time for my vacation. On another plane. Where I will stay until the ants are dealt with. Planeshift.”

A cataclysmic event threatens to destroy your world and the souls of all inhabitants within the next year. All attemempts to stop it have failed. A evacuation to other planes is effectively impossible.
A ancient, extraplanar entity sealed away eons ago offers you to prevent the end of the world if you free it. However, there is a prophecy that if said entity is ever freed it will return a thousand years later to conquer the world and reshape it in its image.
What will you do?

Might as well go for it if the world's gonna end anyway. Might as well put it off for another millenium.

--------------------------------

Here's a scenario:

"What are we gonna do with all this gold?"

backwaterj
2016-05-27, 06:34 PM
"Well, that is patently simple," explains Sumasqi. "First we must purchase a suitably secure stronghold with ample living quarters and a well-stocked work area. Then there is the matter of the enchantments to my weapons and armor, as well as mobility enhancements to the boots, several rings, scrolls and wands for emergency use . . . oh, and my companions might benefit from a few enhancements as well . . ."

Meanwhile, PBM:
"What happened to all our gold?!"

Vivee
2016-05-27, 07:23 PM
"What happened to all our gold?!"

"I already spent it on song sheets. Haha, haha, ha..." I then proceed to book it away from them.


SCENARIO
You find yourself at the end of Ilúvatiar (Pathfinder God)'s blade.

8BitNinja
2016-05-29, 06:54 PM
I truthfully say "I'm on your side" because I'm one of his paladins.

You are walking along in the woods when you hear something big moving through the trees

Syldar
2016-06-01, 09:19 AM
Knowledge and/or survival to identify; then diplomacy, combat, or run depending on what it is.

You see a yellow flower with a smile on its face.

Asmodean_
2016-06-01, 09:26 AM
Flame Wheel. (http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Sunflora_(Pok%C3%A9mon))

You slowly realize, to your horror, that you're trapped within a Monty Python sketch. What do you do?

8BitNinja
2016-06-01, 01:01 PM
I go along with it, hopefully I will be able to escape somehow, even if the escape is death.

A wild Moltres appears

backwaterj
2016-06-02, 04:11 PM
"Damn thunderbirds are back!" Stormcrow finds a suitable outcropping for cover and levels a gauss rifle at the thing. KAPOW!

Aliens have been abducting random sentients on your planet and replacing them with identical clone sleeper agents, whose thoughts perfectly mirror the cloned being. You've gotten wind of this extraterrestrial plot, and suspect the ruler of your native land has been replaced, as well as one of your party members (though you're not sure who - might even be you!). What do you do?

Kantaki
2016-06-04, 11:04 AM
I observe the ruler and my party. Should something happen that confirms my suspictions I kill the person in question. If possible I do so in a way that reveals the alien invasion.

You have been arrested for a crime. After declaring you guilty the judge offers you the choice between two punishments:
You can either eat a whole- family-sized -Pizza Hawaii or you will get whipped out.
Which punishment will you choose

Asmodean_
2016-06-04, 03:52 PM
I eat the pizza. After all, it doesn't say how long you have, I could have it for lunch and dinner. Although with my self-control, there wouldn't be any left for dinner.

Push the button time! You can claim 1% of the profits from all Justin Bieber songs and albums from now on... but this means Justin Bieber will have more songs and albums.

backwaterj
2016-06-06, 04:22 AM
There has never been a better time for a vow of poverty.

An evil necromancer warlock overlord (who also happens to be a 15-year-old girl) has just made a deal to claim 1% of all of Justin Bieber's profits in exchange for making him an invulnerable mindless zombie who will keep producing music until someone finds a way to put a stop to them. (Incidentally, the quality of his music does improve a bit from the reincarnation.) How will you deal with this monstrosity?

somethingrandom
2016-06-06, 06:15 AM
Assuming he is being paid to do so Guns Mcgee would lay down heavy automatic gunfire for his ares alpha and possinbly add in some shots from the underslung grandle lancher. If he is not being paid he would call his fixer to see if anyone is looking for someone to destroy the beiber zombie.



You have been offered a large sum of money to protect the beiber zombie form GunsMcgee

Syldar
2016-06-06, 10:25 AM
I accept the money and "protect" it by having my cleric consecrate the ground around him and heal him at every opportunity.

The local ruler's cat is a demon in disguise, manipulating him. You have met said cat before, and are unsurprised.

Asmodean_
2016-06-06, 02:40 PM
I demand currency from the kitty in return for keeping my mouth shut. If denied, I find I in fact have enough room to swing a cat.

Situation: You are in the Situation Room. The Situation is explaining the Situation that has caused you to be situated in the Situation Room with the Situation. Since you ate Sir Tuéte's tasty tart in situ, a diplomatic incident has insinuated the President in certain situations.

What do you do?

8BitNinja
2016-06-06, 07:09 PM
I ask why is everything is so confusing

You encounter a guy in the room of the previous post asking why everything is so confusing

backwaterj
2016-06-06, 08:09 PM
Thorvald backhands the guy hard upside the head with his spiked gauntlet. "Ye daft lad, iffye spent half as much time readin' a Moradin-cursed book as ye do shinin' yer armor mayhap ye'd make a better diplomat th'n a hat-rack!" After he's insulted and/or absconded with the valuables of everyone in the room, he rope-tricks out of there.

The itsy-bitsy spider climbs up the waterspout. Well, okay, maybe "itsy-bitsy" is a bit of a misnomer. Make that "the elephant-sized tarantula is emerging from the city's water supply, ravenous bloodlust in its eight dinner-plate-size eyes."

Professor Gnoll
2016-06-06, 09:06 PM
Talice's eyes widen in surprise. It's... beautiful. Why, she's never seen such a paragon of arachnid grace! And at such a size! She simply must have it for her own. Come here, darling... yes, that's right... Riiiight over here...
A few minutes, a brief scuffle and a Geas later, Talice is cooing over her beautiful new mount, and considering a line in satin giant spider barding.

While out chopping wood/slaying goblins, you accidentally drop your axe/sword/wand/tool into a river. A beautiful nymph emerges, holding a pure gold version of the item, studded with the richest gemstones, and a silver version of the item, carved with the most exquisite engravings. She smiles and speaks with a voice like water running over crystal. "Which one of these is yours?"

8BitNinja
2016-06-07, 12:44 AM
I say "The holy steel version was mine, but if you're asking which one I would like, I'll take the gold one." Now if you fine ladies and gentlemen would excuse me, I need to exain to my cleric friend that a nymph turned my sword into a gem encrusted gold version.

You find out that you are betrothed to the richest woman (or man) in the kingdom by force. You also know that she is an extremely evil person, kills peoplejust for fun, and may be a vampire (but that is uncertain).

Oh, and she has been known to cheat too

Asmodean_
2016-06-07, 01:31 AM
I dig it. I'm not a Drizzt clone so I can tolerate a little evil. And I hear vampires live for a long time and don't age. What was the problem again?

No situation - mine seems a bit of a cop out.

backwaterj
2016-06-07, 03:54 AM
Sumasqi likely set the wheels in motion for said betrothal herself, and in any case would hire a bevy of the kingdom's finest barristers to go over the marriage contract with a fine-toothed comb, refining it and ensuring that she has an equal share in his wealth, and that she gains full control over the estate in the event he is caught and convicted of any serious crimes (murder and adultery being prominent on this list). There is no question of her actually following through with the marriage: her word is her bond. Besides, she can use his vast wealth to fund her research into the crafts arcane, as well as provide parties of low-level adventurers with plot hooks to bring her back more antiquities. Of course, one of the first things she will do is ask him to take a walk outside on a bright sunny day, hinting that there's a lot "at stake". If he refuses, she will leverage his secret against him, threatening to unmask him if he ever questions her usage of the estate. She will of course constantly watch him for unlawful behavior and dispatch him with all due haste if he ever again indulges his criminal tendencies.

A powerful illithid psion has switched minds with you and is using your wealth, connections, and reputation to further his own agendas. Whose brain do you eat first? How do you stop him?

Syldar
2016-06-07, 10:00 AM
Locate party, tell them what happened, find way to unswap brains, possibly take out his fellow mind flayers with the knowledge gained from his mind, which I will read before unswapping. Illithid psychic powers are innate, right?

A close wizard friend of yours is delving into forbidden knowledge, and the magic seems to be warping him physically and mentally.

Kantaki
2016-06-07, 11:49 AM
I inform the inquisition about his activity- anonymously of course- and use the resulting chaos to get rid of evidence of my own... questionable activities and, should the need arise, I leave the proverbial sinking ship.

The inquisition has hired you to investigate a anonymous hint that a local wizard experiments with forbidden knowledge, endangering innocents.

Xihirli
2016-06-07, 01:33 PM
I immediately correct them. I'm a Fighter/Sorcerer, after all, not a wizard. And those aren't experiments so much as meteor swarms.

The wizard from earlier has become a Gender Neutral Polymorphed Owlbear and is eating orphans.
Pregnant orphans.
Pregnant elderly orphans.

Syldar
2016-06-07, 04:04 PM
I summon an illusion of 42 pregnant elderly orphans in a magic cage that shuts and produces an antimagic field within as soon as something enters. Polymorph undone, and the wizard can't escape if evil.

You find an area corrupted by out of control dark magic energy.

8BitNinja
2016-06-07, 11:28 PM
I get all of my cleric and paladin contacts to create enough holy.energh to counteract it, and then fill the place with holy energy. After that, I would eradicate all evil in the area. Nothing says kill like overkill.

While walking with your squad, a grenade is thrown in the middle.of the group. While you might be able to run away, no one else will.

Rater202
2016-06-08, 01:25 AM
I conjure a wind to blow it away from the group.

You find your *loved one* dead. All evidence points to you as the murderer.

Grim ranger
2016-06-08, 04:16 PM
Sighing to himself, my recently returned from death via grisly voodoo means crime lord with heart of gold notes to anyone listening that he could not have done it, considering he was already dead by the time the murder took place, and at least five people most likely to accuse him felt his death on mental level. In likely eventuality he fails to convince people who actually matter, he will just go out his way to right that wrong, but will still freely confess trying to assassinate said loved one's father and making their family hate their guts as the result of collateral damage from said hit: he IS guilty of that one, after all... But that was like a year ago!

You find yourself in middle of city of Yharnam, and no means can help you return to your own world until you have successfully depopulated it.

Xihirli
2016-06-08, 07:46 PM
AAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAA !!!!!!

*Meteor Swarm*
*Meteor Swarm*
*Scimitar-Chuck*
*Meteor Swarm*
*Scimitar-Chuck*
*Meteor Swarm*
*Meteor Swarm*
*Scimitar-Chuck*
*Meteor Swarm*
*Scimitar-Chuck*
*Meteor Swarm*
*Meteor Swarm*
*Scimitar-Chuck*
*Meteor Swarm*
*Scimitar-Chuck*

You become a super-hero.
You know what that means.
YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD.

backwaterj
2016-06-09, 03:21 AM
Tarrog's grey orc parents would be at least in their thirties by now, and in a rapidly deteriorating condition due to extreme old age, so the predominant emotion is relief, coupled with the devout hope they died in glorious battle and were received into Baghtru's fields of carnage in the afterlife. It's odd he doesn't feel any different physically though; his totemist powers remain unchanged. :smallconfused:

Scimitar Chuck, the leader of a local tribe of desert nomads, has laid siege to your town and will not let any people or supplies in or out until his demands are met. These demands include the local leader's only daughter, as well as the heads of you and your associates, with bodies unattached. Oh, and a vegetable panini from the local merchant; he hears they're amazing!

Libro
2016-06-09, 06:05 AM
Talath is enraged. No one threatens him, his family, or his associates without repercussions. He built the whole town himself, carved into the cliff around his lair, and will not see it brought low by some idiot bandit. An adult blue dragon is not to be trifled with, and the nomads will soon learn the error of their ways.



A monolithic titan of a machine, fashioned from crystal and a golden metal stronger than steel has awoken from beneath the sea. At its current pace it will reache a large metropolis within an hour, laying waste to all those within, what will you do?

somethingrandom
2016-06-13, 10:03 AM
Ufgar Badrick would use his limited geokenetic abilites to try to slow the thing down as much as possible to by time for the people trying to stop it.


While exporing a dungeon you find a mysterious upon touching it you learn the following about the box.
1) The Box contains an entity of unimaginable power and malevolance
2) You are now bound to the box and will remain so untill you die or another touches the box and becomes bound
3) The Enitity has the power to grant any wish the one bound to the box may make.
4) The Entity can choose which wishes it grants.
5) Once the Entity has granted 1000 wishes to those bound to the box he will be freed but you do know how many wishes it has granted to those previously bound to the box
6)The Entity is in telepathic contact with you whenever it chooses and can try to tempt/trick you into wishing
7)The box is extremly difficult to destroy but if it is destroyed the Entity would be freed.
8) The box and the Entity are complety immune to all known supernatal means of gathering information.
9) The Entity's followers some of whom survive to this day are searching for the box hoping to free their master

Xihirli
2016-06-13, 12:58 PM
Okay to #9, I give it to them.

You have turned into a newt.

@TPBM: Southpark: smaller, shorter, and circumcised.

8BitNinja
2016-06-13, 04:16 PM
I don't worry, I'll get better.

Two Canadian actors are about to be executed for making a film that influenced a bunch of fourth graders to use excessive profanity. Upon killing them, the United States will send troops to take over Canada. Somebody please get the reference

Syldar
2016-06-14, 09:52 AM
I convince the US that this is disproportionate retribution, using mind magic/tech if necessary.

You are blasted into the air by a massive explosion, which you somehow survive due to magical protection and copious hit points. However, there's the matter of the fall...

Asmodean_
2016-06-14, 01:03 PM
Feather Fall.

Your friend has survived an explosion with magical protection and copious hit points. So have you, but he neglected to cast feather fall on you as well. What do you do?

Xihirli
2016-06-14, 02:38 PM
Feather fall to me, Meteor Swarm to him.
A few (dozen) times.

You have survived a fall with two buddies but have not been Feather-Falled, and one of your buddies was Meteor Swarmed to death by the other.

backwaterj
2016-06-15, 02:46 AM
Lark grins, having survived the fall despite the lack of magical protection (likely due to being a crusader), kisses his lucky holy symbol of Tymora, and then whips out his spiked chain for a crushing assault against *flips said holy symbol - it comes up heads* the instigator of the unsportsmanlike meteor swarm . . . swarm.

Someone has just killed Xihirli in a way other than stabbing (unless you count multiple small puncture wounds and what kind of commie are you if you do?). How do you avenge this affront to all that is sacred and just?

Syldar
2016-06-15, 10:40 AM
I shrug, knowing that Xihirli is only slightly easier to keep down that the protagonist of Undertale.

You are sent on a quest to find out how Xihirli keeps coming back from the dead with no one resurrecting him.

Vivee
2016-06-15, 02:04 PM
I would agree, provided I get a good meal for doing so.

Someone who believes he's a god asks you for all your money, then he says, and I quote, "Once I get back to full power I'll bless you or something."

Rater202
2016-06-15, 03:06 PM
I am already, technically, a god, so I just walk away.

Someone who believes they are a god is demanding all of your money, saying they will smite you if you don't comply.

Xihirli
2016-06-15, 06:15 PM
I show him my goddess.
Meaning I kill him.
With a Meteor Swarm.

You discover how Xihirli keeps coming back to life without resurrection. You can duplicate the process or release it to the public, but release to the public will then allow your enemies to find the loophole that allows for permanent death to those protected by Xihirli's method.

Professor Gnoll
2016-06-15, 07:08 PM
Talice considers the conundrum closely. Truly, there's a moral tangle here! Should she allow the gift of immortality to be spread to the innocent masses? Or by taking it only upon herself, spare those who already have it from death?
...
Wait, Talice doesn't care about giving the masses immortality. She quickly duplicates it, and embarks on her own research to discover how to circumvent the resurrection. Xihirli has been an unknown factor for too long, and the presence of a walking genocide armed to the teeth with fiery meteors like that makes constructing a good plan awfully hard. It is time that the trigger-happy spellcaster went down once and for all.

A (sort-of) immortal Drow approaches you with a proposition. She wants your help to kill a different (sort-of) immortal Drow- the notorious Xihirli, who has been upsetting the delicate balance of well-crafted plans all over the place with Meteor Swarms. She has a method to bypass Xihirli's (sort-of) immortality, but it will require you to get inside the blast radius.

8BitNinja
2016-06-16, 12:19 AM
I first detect evil on both drow. If the client is evil, I pray for a way to smite the evil. However, if the target is evil, I gladly accept the job, even if there is no reward and it will cost me my life.

You are about to be executed after being mistaken for a rebel and arrested at the border of the country. After being carted to the city with a few of the rebels, a horse thief, and the rebel leader, you witness the thief being killed by archers after trying to escape and then one of the rebels being killed by beheading. When you are put on the chopping block, your execution is interrupted by a dragon who starts destroying the city.

Sianthus
2016-06-16, 01:45 AM
Braegan calmly walks away from his execution and the dragons. He'd heard that halflings weren't too tasty for them: can't be too satisfying to eat given so little meat. He wasn't sure whether or not whether that was true, but hey, having no sudden movements could only help him right?

He would later find himself screaming for his sister while dangling off the dragon's maw.



As you stroll down a nondescript village street, you suddenly see cracks spreading like a web across the cobblestone beneath you. Before you could respond, the gaps glowed with an alarming intensity and exploded upwards, launching you flailing into the air. While flying with the remains of the street, you are suddenly suspended in mid flight. A strange humanoid being emerges from the newly formed hollow, wreathed in nothing but purple flame. He/She levitates upwards to stare directly into your eyes.

"Mortal, how do you plead?"

Xihirli
2016-06-16, 01:55 AM
I first detect evil on both drow. If the client is evil, I pray for a way to smite the evil. However, if the target is evil, I gladly accept the job, even if there is no reward and it will cost me my life.


I'd like to point out that I am not in the immediate vicinity and so you would only be able to detect evil on (and kill) the only person who knows my weakness. That is all.


In answer to the... thing's question, I give an honest response.
I generally plead with a slightly higher-pitched voice, as I am very determined and only plead after I have been stabbed. A lot. I'm also generally at least on my knees and usually on my belly.

You have decided to open a school for gifted sorcerers who eventually will grow up into S-Men. You learn of a boy with a talent for necromancy who recently revived his grandmother as a zombie.


...ODDLY PIXELATED!?

Professor Gnoll
2016-06-16, 02:24 AM
Necromancy, hmm? Well, he'd surely make a sterling addition to a fast-growing community of extremely loyal, extremely powerful sorcerers! After the way the last attempt to off Xihirli went (stupid paladins grumble grumble), Talice has determined that a cohort of allies who won't try to smite her might be a good idea. Also, they can soak up Meteor Swarms with the best of them.

Ah, here's the little tyke's house. And his parents have let her right into his room! Now she just has to wait until he gets back from schoo-


~Twenty Minutes Later~

Talice, having been thoroughly electrocuted and introduced to multiple undead family members, is thanking her lucky stars for the Xihirli method of Not Dying. Seriously, is there a single potential ally that won't try to kill her on the spot at the most tentative suggestion of hunting the bugger down? Talice has had plans fall through before, but usually they at least wait until the end to try and murder her!
...On to Plan C.


Around the town, a multitude of recruitment posters have been hung about. A rough sketch of an oddly pixellated Drow appears upon them, along with the text: Wanted: experienced mage-slayers for killing nigh-immortal, extremely powerful, mentally unstable, trigger happy spellcaster. Death likely, but large reward. Enquire at the manor of Madame Ophelia for details. Please bring resume.

Syldar
2016-06-16, 09:31 AM
My resume, Madame.

"Syldar Shadowthorn, expert conjuror. Specialization in teleportation and monster summoning, barred schools enchantment and divination. Alignment: neutral good."

Now, about my reward...

You're in the obligatory inn, when you hear an explosion nearby.

(Idea: new topic in the form of a forum battle against Xihirli.)

Black Socks
2016-06-16, 03:17 PM
I toast s'mores on the flames.

You suddenly know EVERYTHING!!!!
Also, I second the idea of a forum battle against Xihirli.

Xihirli
2016-06-16, 09:42 PM
I see that the world is so beautiful, so perfect. How could I ever have hated it? How could I ever have lived to destroy?
So with my limitless knowledge, I first close the current loophole on my not-dying-ness (sadly opening another one up, but now no one knows what it is [WHY DID YOU TELL THEM {because I am Chaotic Stupid Evil}]), then expunge all of this new knowledge out of me and put it in a sponge.

A drow gives you a sponge.

8BitNinja
2016-06-17, 12:55 AM
I take the sponge. It's just a sponge, right?

backwaterj
2016-06-17, 02:39 AM
(Idea: new topic in the form of a forum battle against Xihirli.)
Thirded. #oddlypixellated


A drow gives you a sponge.
Lriyhani has not lived her centuries by being easily duped. Despite her affinity for a good floral-scented bath and scrub-off of the various aberration guts and oozes she's likely been exposed to recently, she knows the depravity her misguided kin are capable of, so she politely asks the fellow drow to put it over there until such time as it can be properly divined to be safe or unsafe. In return, she offers the drow a bouquet of fresh exotic flowers which just happen to be enchanted with Sacred Item ("Oh, you aren't evil, are you?! My mistake!") as well as a pamphlet detailing the many benefits of accepting Eilistraee as your Lady and Savior.

A strange drow woman is pressuring you into accepting Eilistraee as your Lady and Savior.

Professor Gnoll
2016-06-17, 06:37 AM
Drow? Worshipping gods? Gah, Drow from other worlds are so... uncouth. Red blood, deity worship, no birthsongs... they're hardly even real Drow. That said, there's always room for courtesy. There's no need to be rude to someone, even if you do plan on murdering them later. Talice hears the evangelist out... after all, she can hardly afford to alienate potential allies, no matter how unlikely. Especially since, if the rumours of the Sponge of Knowledge are true, Xihirli might have closed the known loophole on their (sort-of) immortality. "Ah, yes, this Elsytree sounds just delightful. I'm certain I'll find the time to investigate her further." And hopefully topple a few of her shrines.

(In other news, look out for the forum game Xihirli vs. The Playground, coming soon! You too will have the chance to test your might against the largest cause of meteor related deaths since the K/T extinction event! Should be up post-haste.)


You find yourself in the incidental blast radius of one of Xihirli's notably imprecise Meteor Swarm barrages.

Xihirli
2016-06-17, 07:45 AM
Incidentally, here's a pro tip for you: If you're going to use area effect spells, craft yourself a magic item that makes you immune to that type of damage.

You join the police department from the movie Elf.

Asmodean_
2016-06-17, 02:33 PM
(Idea: new topic in the form of a forum battle against Xihirli.)
Fourtherded.

I leave the police department of the movie Elf.

You find that you are a magnet for overwhelmingly necromantic shortswords (sorry Jorm) that can only be destroyed through an incredibly convoluted ritual - or kept in place with an occasional dispel magic.

8BitNinja
2016-06-18, 12:53 AM
Simple. I can cast protection from evil, so that should keep me safe as I get some clerics to do the ritual. Get enough holy power and you can overwhelm anything.

A wild caterpie appears

Syldar
2016-06-18, 01:11 PM
My starter slays KOs it.

You are teleported into an underwater temple.

Prince Zahn
2016-06-18, 02:33 PM
(Idea: new topic in the form of a forum battle against Xihirli.)

Try summoning Xihirli next time in Destroy the Godmodder, you'll get very similar results :P

It's a good thing I have a spell that gives me water breathing! All I need are somatic and verbal compo - *drowns *

An Quadropedal alien overlord is holding you at "death ray - point" if you don't take it out on a romantic date. What do you do?

Black Socks
2016-06-18, 04:11 PM
I intentionally fail all my Charisma rolls on the date in the hopes that it will lose interest in me.



You meet your evil twin.

Xihirli
2016-06-18, 04:27 PM
Oh, I'm a God-Modder. That must be why I took on a fighter-sorcerer build. Because we all know THOSE are really optimized! I had to struggle through every level, and I had to repeat a fair amount of them because I KEPT DYING. There were days when I could not even cast METEOR SWARM. I was alone.
Not to mention my first two levels were in Alchemist, my next eight were in Fighter, and my next three in Lawyer. It was an uphill climb, man. And house-ruled out leveling restrictions on non-humans were the only reason I made it this far.
I would very easily be in the epic levels were I not so poorly optimized.

Anyway, I ask my evil twin how she survived, considering I tore out her embryo throat while we were fighting in the womb and ate her corpse as we were both being birthed (which was HARD without teeth, I tell you). When she gurgles as a baby, because even True Resurrection would still bring her back as a baby, I Meteor Swarm her.

I summon Xihirli.

CrackedChair
2016-06-18, 06:33 PM
I offer tribute! And by tribute, I mean the person posting below me.

You are being given a job interview for captain of the royal guard! Only one problem... you are cursed and have disadvantage on charisma checks.

Syldar
2016-06-18, 09:08 PM
I give the position to the badass fish woman with that awesome armor and spear.

You fall down a pit into a very huge, very dark cave.

8BitNinja
2016-06-19, 03:09 AM
If there is a talking flower down there, then I burn it. After that, I can just climb out.

You are bitten by a vampire

5a Violista
2016-06-19, 04:07 AM
My character, not knowing what kind of vampire it is, follows a couple simple steps in response to the vampire. First, she kicks away the vampire to give herself time. If the bite was somewhere on the extremities, she makes a tourniquet as fast as possible. Given more time, she would cut into her arm and try to pull out the affected veins and deal with the aftermath after the vampire's dead or gone. Given less time, the only clear solution is to cut off her arm if it's her right arm. If it's her left arm, she'll still try to cut it off, but the cutting will have to wait 'til after the vampire's dead. If it's a vital part of her body, the only real solution is to try to slay the vampire as quickly as possible, and then pray. If it's one of those vampires that doesn't turn you on the first bite, well then that's good for her.


Situation:
You are baking cookies for someone. The cookies are almost done. You hear a banging on the front door. "Let me in! Quick!" If you leave the oven right now, the cookies will burn. If you stay by the oven...well, we'll have to leave what happens to your imagination because I can't tell who's at the door this time by voice alone.

somethingrandom
2016-06-19, 05:01 AM
Merro Thorngage would quickly turn the oven off and leave the door shut and answer the door to help the person on the otherside, hoping that the cookies can be savaged.

An angry, vain and foolish emporier is offering you a large quantity of money to find and bring before his 2 merchant who cheated him out of a lot of money and tricked into going nude in public.

Xihirli
2016-06-19, 12:36 PM
I kill him and loot the body.

An empire has a massive power vacuum!

8BitNinja
2016-06-20, 01:19 AM
Pray the empire survives for a few weeks

You are offered 10 billion gold to kill Lord Strodd

Asmodean_
2016-06-20, 02:11 AM
Ok. I then commit a mass purge of macroeconomics textbooks so nobody knows what inflation is.

You are tasked with finding an innocent child to sacrifice to a vengeful god to prevent a cataclysmic apocalypse. The ritual will not work if the child knows what is going on.

FlurryOfPosts
2016-06-25, 02:23 AM
I Flurry of Blows the vengeful god in the face.

An aspiring bard follows you around and always gets in the way.

backwaterj
2016-06-25, 10:51 AM
Tarrog "gently" warns him of the consequences once, because he's a fair and understanding orc. The second time, he tears him to shreds and eats the remains. (*sigh* If only bards put up a fight!)

You are transported to a parallel universe where alt-you (who is of course indistinguishable from the real you, because that's how these things work) is the most hated and despised terrorist on the planet. So much so that even his former followers refuse to have anything to do with you. Due to wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff, plane shifting effects will not function here. What now?

Xihirli
2016-06-25, 12:47 PM
So... I'm doing Face/Off with... myself?
Okay, I kill everyone who challenges me and declare myself emperor of this new universe. Then I enslave the populace to make magic items for me, including a way home.

Xihirli invades with an army of slaves from the population of an entire universe (albiet one that has had most of the fight Meteor Swarm'd out of it)

8BitNinja
2016-06-25, 09:40 PM
(*sigh* If only bards put up a fight!)

You should check out AD&D bards

I'm not responding to the above post

Syldar
2016-06-25, 11:31 PM
I request backup from a clerical organization, namely backup with the banish spell. Since Xihirli is the only inhabitant of this dimension in the army, banish spells should blip many of them back to their home plane. Afterwards, I (along with other party members) finish the remaining minions and Xihirli with much magic, much tactics, and much stabbing.

You suddenly notice most of your gear (plus your pants) is gone. You also notice an eleven thief shoving your armor into his last bag of holding.

Vivee
2016-07-02, 03:24 PM
I threaten the thief to give me my stuff back with the blade cleverly concealed within my lute.

You find yourself at the knifepoint of an attractive half-elf that's not wearing pants.

Xihirli
2016-07-02, 11:16 PM
Is it Tuesday already?

You are given the opportunity to make a horrible double entendre.

Asmodean_
2016-07-03, 08:10 AM
I do so.

You find that you're in the middle of an advertisement. What do you do?

(you also get to pick the ad)

8BitNinja
2016-07-04, 01:47 AM
I honestly say how much I like the product Mountain Dew.

The protagonist from the last video game you played is out to kill you.

Syldar
2016-07-04, 09:55 AM
There's no way Chell can be that bad. I simply douse her with water and let electricity do the rest.

A crow alights on a branch and tells you to go get the magic thingie from point B, and that the existence of the city of point A- nay, the whole world depends on it!

Xihirli
2016-07-06, 11:27 PM
I eat the crow.

A raven raps at your chamber door.

8BitNinja
2016-07-07, 01:38 AM
“’Tis some visitor,” I mutter,“’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door— Only this and nothing more.” “tapping at my chamber door."
Only this and nothing more.”

Your books succrease of sorrow-sorrow for the lost Lenore.

(Forgive me if I mess up the reference)

somethingrandom
2016-07-07, 04:37 AM
Invite the druid in and ask him to turn back into humanoid form.

You are exporing a dungeon and see a duck it is standing in the middle of an otherwise empty room it looks at you and quacks.

Syldar
2016-07-07, 09:24 AM
DIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! (Casts attack spells until I get roast duck.)

You find a gazebo. In a dungeon. For some reason.

GreyStormcrow
2016-07-07, 10:10 AM
DIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! (Casts attack spells until I get roast duck.)

You find a gazebo. In a dungeon. For some reason.
Jack trembles momentarily, knowing that he must face it alone. Then he Glitterdusts it and runs for lack of offensive power.

You are confronted by a Flying Purple People eater. He looks quite thin, and desperately asks you where all the purple people are.

Tokidoki
2016-07-07, 10:52 AM
Jack trembles momentarily, knowing that he must face it alone. Then he Glitterdusts it and runs for lack of offensive power.

You are confronted by a Flying Purple People eater. He looks quite thin, and desperately asks you where all the purple people are.

Astra consults her astronomical data on where the purple people are, and informs Flying Purple People eater that they're in the next solar system over, only a measly 5 light years away. She will then charge him 5,000 credits for this data. Some of his DNA is fine as payment too.

Your character is exploring a dungeon, when they suddenly come across a wicked lich! The undead, after centuries of existence, seems to be bored, though, and instead of fighting, says that he will give your character all of his riches if they give him a present. Your stupidly high Sense Motive check tells you he's telling the truth; he seems to be a genuinely bored lich uninterested in fighting. What do you do?

Kantaki
2016-07-07, 12:41 PM
I make a counteroffer: Instead of giving the lich a gift in exchange for their riches I stay as their apprentice, learning the deepest secrets of necromancy while giving the lich my company.

The hordes of the dark lord attack a small because there are prophecies that a child born there will kill and/or succeed him.
What will you do?

Darius Midnite
2016-07-07, 06:27 PM
Depends on how it affects me, and it depends on whom is the highest bidder.

A vampire offers you eternal life, though you must shun the light forever.

Black Socks
2016-07-07, 06:32 PM
Ardulas Spidercloak was already a drow, so he takes the deal!

You find an orphan on the road, with no form of identification, miles from any town.

Xihirli
2016-07-07, 10:54 PM
*Meteor Swarm*


You watch me Meteor Swarm an orphan.

8BitNinja
2016-07-08, 12:45 AM
*Meteor Swarm*


You watch me Meteor Swarm an orphan.

Bull Strength. Bless Weapon. Smite Evil.

You just witnessed a paladin kill a man who meteor swarmed an orphan

Libro
2016-07-08, 08:58 PM
"Eh, he got his due..."


You are asked to be the judge of a staring contest between a beholder and a medusa. The winner will be trying to kill you next. What do you do?

Asmodean_
2016-07-09, 09:40 AM
Rules lawyer the winner to be disqualified.
If the basilisk kills the medusa, it's disqualified for murder.
If the medusa turns the basilisk to stone, the death match is postponed until the basilisk blinks.

You are in a staring contest with a basilisk and a medusa.

Xihirli
2016-07-09, 11:08 AM
I win!

A sad basilisk has lost a staring contest and is crying.

Syldar
2016-07-09, 02:09 PM
I comfort it with food. And possibly a mate, if I can find one.

You hear a dramatic voice narrating your every action.

Black Socks
2016-07-09, 02:17 PM
I start selling product placement announcements.
Voice:"He swings his sword....."
Me: "My sword made by Jones Blacksmiths, which is having a MASSIVE inventory clear out sale on scimitars! Located at...."

You accidentally kill the kind and generous king of the land.

CrackedChair
2016-07-09, 04:09 PM
Wait, I am a cleric, I can fix this... of course, the interrogation afterwards on why I am innocent is another problem...

You are challenged to a duel on the streets of town by a upstart and overzealous Monk. Stories go about that this student of the arts utilized a forbidden technique that can kill a man with a few blows to the right vital areas. And he's not going to take no for an answer...

Rater202
2016-07-09, 06:23 PM
Wait, I am a cleric, I can fix this... of course, the interrogation afterwards on why I am innocent is another problem...

You are challenged to a duel on the streets of town by a upstart and overzealous Monk. Stories go about that this student of the arts utilized a forbidden technique that can kill a man with a few blows to the right vital areas. And he's not going to take no for an answer...

I set him on fire.

You just saw a monk get set on fire.

8BitNinja
2016-07-10, 01:55 AM
I cast create water on the monk and then detect evil on him.

A paladin poured water on the monk from the last two posts

Black Socks
2016-07-10, 07:52 AM
I start a betting pool on the outcome of the fight. (50 gp on the paladin!)

You discover that the lord of the city is an illusion created by a gnome who is also the mafia lord.

Xihirli
2016-07-10, 07:57 AM
I'm sure violence can't be the wrong answer.

I ended monarchy. With violence!

Vivee
2016-07-10, 08:50 AM
Viva la Revolution! (Chaotic Good is the best alignment)


You see an invincible orc. After trying to kill him in every form possible, (Including any Wishes and Miracles)
The Orc says "You know what, I'm just gonna go...". As he walks away, a halfing kills him with one poke.

mpclardy
2016-07-10, 10:04 AM
Seeing the monarchy crumbling to nothing, and the invincible orc dead, I study the being at a quantum level to determine the cause of this mutation. The genes are able to be generated in another body through incantation, and other mutations develop with the spread of the genes.

Xihirli
2016-07-11, 03:42 PM
...

You are on a train. You are headed toward one man who has sent you his bank account information - he is worth easily $50 million, but all of his assets will be frozen in the event of his death - his brain is constantly tracked. He sent you his bank account information as a bribe to alter the course of the train to careen into several elderly babies who are also pregnant orphans.

Rater202
2016-07-11, 05:43 PM
...

You are on a train. You are headed toward one man who has sent you his bank account information - he is worth easily $50 million, but all of his assets will be frozen in the event of his death - his brain is constantly tracked. He sent you his bank account information as a bribe to alter the course of the train to careen into several elderly babies who are also pregnant orphans.

I wake up from the fraky dream I'm having, since it's impossible to be both babies and elderly, and neither can get pregnant.

A guy with a name starting with X accidentally meteor swarms themself.

Black Socks
2016-07-11, 05:45 PM
I film the incident and post it on Ye Olde Youtube.

The party barbarian has been seduced by a succubus.

Syldar
2016-07-11, 09:52 PM
I cast immunity to level and ability drain on him, and let him have the time of his life. If she gets violent, he's a freaking barbarian.

You encounter a black Mage who seems to want to murder you. And by "seems to want to," I mean "is actively trying to at this moment."

8BitNinja
2016-07-11, 11:50 PM
I get his Fighter friend to help me catch a few of his daggers, I'll lay hands whenever he gets stabbed. If he tries to hadouken me, I attack him while he prepares to fire it. He is like a cannon made of glass after all.

A red mage wants to join your party. However, you can only have a party of four due to the arbitrary laws of the universe. You must get rid of either the fighter, thief, black mage, or white mage

Bohandas
2016-07-12, 12:23 AM
Counterattack! Fireball! Fireball!

Everything is on fire...

Xihirli
2016-07-12, 07:33 AM
AAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAHA AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!

Everything is still on fire.
I guess that includes Oxygen.

8BitNinja
2016-07-13, 01:29 AM
I set off dynamite. Look it up, it works.

500 pounds of dynamite were set off.

Asmodean_
2016-07-16, 12:19 PM
... Teleport.

A drow sorcerer has just teleported in front of you, and also he's on fire.

Syldar
2016-07-17, 03:13 PM
I splash water in his face.

You somehow see fire that is on fire.

Xihirli
2016-07-17, 07:32 PM
I jump in it.

You are in a rowboat and suddenly the river turns into FIRE.

8BitNinja
2016-07-18, 01:24 AM
I set off all the explosives I can.

A river is now a crater.

Libro
2016-07-21, 06:27 AM
Finally a use for my decanter of endless water.



A gnome hands you a strange metal canister. You don't recognize what it is, but you think you hear him say the words "sensitive", "explosive", and "nuclear fallout".

Black Socks
2016-07-21, 06:38 AM
I throw it into the Underdark.

You encounter a commoner who constantly breaks the fourth wall.

Asmodean_
2016-07-21, 09:09 AM
I go one better and break the fifth wall.

You see a drow sorcerer somehow break the fifth wall.





I'm bad at making situations

Xihirli
2016-07-21, 11:44 AM
*Meteor Swarm* *Ding*
Oh, that "ding" is bad news for the world.

You find a wallet, from the driver's license you can tell it belongs to someone on the other end of the world.
Originality is for wood elves.

Syldar
2016-07-21, 05:23 PM
I call the person and tell them I found their wallet.

You are attacked by the wild hunt.

vinamilk
2016-07-21, 11:33 PM
Thanks you!

8BitNinja
2016-07-21, 11:34 PM
Turn Undead. (This is the ghost army of Odin, right?)

You wake up on a cart to Heaven. With you is a leader of a rebellion, a rebel soldier, and a horse thief.

Asmodean_
2016-07-22, 02:05 AM
Doesn't seem like it's gonna be very heavenly. I hightail it out of there when given the chance.

You are on a cart to hell. With you is a CEO of a multinational corporation, an accountant and a lawyer.

Xihirli
2016-07-22, 02:37 PM
I'm a lawyer, too!

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE

All of the lawyers in hell have been killed and that sends them back to earth. A zombie apocalypse of lawyer corpses is upon us all.

Black Socks
2016-07-22, 07:04 PM
Since the lawyers just fight amongst themselves, I can claim I defeated them, be hailed as the world's savior, rule benevolently for a while and then seize power. I WILL REMAKE THE WORLD IN MY IMAGE!!!!

You are approached by an adorable little girl who says her puppies got lost and she asks you to find them.

LastCenturion
2016-07-22, 08:53 PM
I cast a divination spell to find where to puppies are and give the girl directions to a completely different (but not more dangerous) place.

_____________


You wake up, only to find that during the night you were transported to an alternate reality in which long-running subplots are resolved.

Asmodean_
2016-07-23, 12:48 PM
OH THANK GOD.
I find out the manner in which these subplots have been resolved, then find a way to travel back to my own universe and resolve them.

You're participating in a forum thread where you react to and fabricate situations for others to react to/read. You're out of situations. What do you do?






There's only so many times I can make my situation "my solution just happened what do you do"

Xihirli
2016-07-23, 01:25 PM
I go back to page five and copy one of theirs.

More by luck than anything, you and your friends have just barely managed to bring down a powerful psionic psychopath. Over the course of the next couple weeks, you notice that one of your party members has started to act a bit strangely - adopting the villain's forced accent, getting a fluffy angora cat, that sort of thing. Knowing the nature of the villain, you know dang well what these symptoms could mean. What do you do about it?

Black Socks
2016-07-23, 05:04 PM
1. I volunteer to take the night watch. 2. I sneak into his tent (+10 to Stealth checks) 3. Shortsword Sneak Attack for 4d8+1d6+4 piercing damage.

You are a member of a adventuring group. After you defeated a psychopath, one member of the group started to act like him. Another then stabbed him in the night like a trigger-happy maniac. What do you do?

5a Violista
2016-07-23, 05:28 PM
My character actually doesn't find anything out of the ordinary. So she just proceeds as normal, pulling up her blanket and curling up in her hammock while waiting for the sun to rise, with her sword in arm's reach.


On your way to the donut shop you hear the entire city break out in song and dance based off a throwaway sentence you just said. After the song's over, everybody goes back to their daily life as if nothing had just happened. What do you do now?

NotADragonYet
2016-07-24, 04:56 AM
My wizard uses divination magic to find out what happened.

A dragon swoops from the sky and attacks.

Syldar
2016-07-24, 10:35 AM
Dimension door dimension door DIMENSION DOOR!

A teleportation mishap drops you in the middle of the ocean. That was the last/only teleport you had.

Black Socks
2016-07-24, 11:28 AM
Wind Walk.

You are offered an apple by an old woman on the side of the road.

Xihirli
2016-07-24, 01:42 PM
*SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH*

A woman with a rose asks to spend the night in your home.

8BitNinja
2016-07-25, 12:06 AM
I allow her to stay the night. My fortress is one of the safest places to stay. I will have my fellow paladins treat our guest well (although I won't have to make them or order them).

The Inquisition shows up at your house

Syldar
2016-07-26, 10:56 PM
I direct them to an evil warlock I know. Whatever the outcome, someone unpleasant is out of the collective hair of the populace. If they ignore my info, then I just sic my golem on them.

You are in the inquisition's dungeon for use of dark magic.

Edit: They have antimagic fields in said dungeon.