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Celticbear
2017-05-22, 08:07 AM
My gnome necromancer, Belcon, then sends the potato into the ground, casts animate dead, and creates an undead tentacle potato monster and ravages the countryside.

The GM notices you've rolled a one on your hide check against a band of Orcs. They see you. They're hungry.

CrackedChair
2017-05-22, 10:32 AM
My murderous character knew she would botch up the check in her chain mail anyways and readies herself against the orcs with her glaive. Those orcs are not going to leave alive, I assure myself...

You are attending the tournament of the Kingdom! There are several events going on, from Jousting to Dueling as well as other fun events for others who do not share an aptitude for fighting.

Natediggadoggit
2017-05-28, 06:53 PM
My young 18 yr ugly warden shifter is always trying to hit on any female who'll look at him twice, so he immediately signs up for a wrestling tournament so he can impress someone attractive.


You now realize you've been conned into helping this frail old wizard to do his gardening and housework. There haven't been any random encounters for days now! It turns out he's stronger than you thought, and you'd probably lose if you tried to get out of your contract early by fighting him. Your contract ends in 3 months.

Iceseer
2017-05-28, 07:30 PM
I work diligently and talk with the others in my party when i have free time.

You just got a harem of yanderes following you.

Syldar
2017-05-29, 12:23 PM
Solaris the Dragonhearted, paladin-sorcerer, asks a simple question: "Would you kill someone for me?" After they all answer... "Great. Anyone who said yes is not my type." That should settle it... and if not, his party members have fewer morals and lots of magic.

You're in a tavern, and your drink(s) is/are running really late. You check the kitchen, and find it's deserted and appears to not have been used for a long time.

Xihirli
2017-05-30, 06:19 AM
I believe that this problem, like most others, can be solved by applying a LOT of arson.

You are brought before a really big magnet and told that it houses the soul of your family. All of it. It is yours to keep of course, but their souls cannot leave the giant magnet unless you persuade (read: murder) others to replace them.

Simetra Irertne
2017-05-30, 07:15 AM
I murder a bunch of people, and loot their bodies. After leaving the magnet behind. Why would I carry a giant magnet. That would drop my stealth score into the Abyss.
Such is the life of a rogue.


You come across someone who uses two spaces after a period, and uses page margins of different sizes on the right and left.

Celticbear
2017-05-30, 08:06 AM
CONDEMN THEE TO OBLIVION! says my paladin character whilst smiting evil.

There is a fork on the road. One path gets you to the location quicker, but your soul will be damned if you use it, the other path is however dangerous and you might die along it.

JbeJ275
2017-05-30, 02:53 PM
CONDEMN THEE TO OBLIVION! says my paladin character whilst smiting evil.

There is a fork on the road. One path gets you to the location quicker, but your soul will be damned if you use it, the other path is however dangerous and you might die along it.

The second one sounds more fun.

You find that your bodies gender has inexplicably changed.

Eternis
2017-05-31, 07:45 AM
My halfling gambler/rogue uses his/her newfound sex appeal towards men to have an easier time picking their pockets... with the excuse that s/he was "picking their pockets... *wink*".

A cultist gathering offers you 5000gp to bring them a virgin for their devil-summoning ceremony, or 1000gp to leave them alone and tell no-one you saw them. They're in your hometown.

Celticbear
2017-05-31, 09:22 AM
Well, that's all I needed to hear. Kitty? says Xavouir, Tiefling Magus, as he looks down to his weapon, the intelligent Kitty.

CONDEMN THEE TO OBLIVION says the now possessed Xavouir, by Kitty, as they go into a blood-curdling rage against the cultists.




Here's an old puzzle. It actually is an old jigsaw puzzle actually. Looks like you need to complete it in order to open that there magic door and complete your quest.

Syldar
2017-05-31, 09:31 PM
Aldia solves it effortlessly. That INT score isn't for show.

You kick open the door in a dungeon, only to find a plutonium dragon sitting on a pile of loot. It looks at you hungrily.

Asmodean_
2017-06-01, 11:14 AM
Summon lead golem.

-

You find yourself mysteriously back at first level.

Iceseer
2017-06-01, 11:27 AM
Multi level 2 aegis Tommy: Wait what we just reached level 2. Seriously why did you do this? I kill wolves to go back to level 2.
Ic: hmm something changed you say? I shall kill wolves to help me clear my head.


You just became a god of cooking and memes.

Yelwyn
2017-06-03, 10:06 AM
I'd grow my religion, inspiring clerics and anyone else who wants to call on my divine power, to venture into the world and slay evil by out-meming them, and help locals by cooking the most incredible meals.
I'd also have temples where citizens can buy really dank memes for gold.

You see some smoke rising up above the village, accompanied by the light flicker of a fresh fire. Multiple buildings seem to have been set ablaze. Figures sneak away in the dark, tossing away their torches. When you see their faces you notice these are your most trusted allies, what do you do?

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-06-03, 10:48 AM
"Resilient Sphere. I will return for you two later. Resist Fire. Bull's Strength. Fly."
"Where are you going? You know those villagers are just going to respawn when the next group comes anyway."
"Villagers?! I thought you said no one was there!"
"I wasn't lying."
"You're the worst, Beth! Gertrude, let me out! I wanna help!"

--

You wake up tied up in the back seat of a speeding car! Two humans in balaclavas are in the front seat, and police sirens blare behind you.

JbeJ275
2017-06-11, 08:23 AM
Teleport

You have been tied down in an anti magic sphere as you runt non-PC friends are attacked by a dragon.

CrackedChair
2017-06-11, 11:43 AM
My first order is to guide my friends to safety. Even though this is indeed a dragon, I shall not engage it in battle just to save my friends. Getting them out of combat is my first order of business. Besides, it'd please Lliira, at any rate to allow my friends to escape.

It seems your PC friends got too angry at some bully who insulted them and attacked. Now the town guard is trying to issue an arrest at them. What will you do?

Mister Tom
2017-06-11, 06:19 PM
Suggestion to the guards: talk to the party to get their side of the story first. And if that doesn't work, because the bully is part of the ruling class around here... at least we'll have hostages.

During a diplomatic visit to the seelie court, you are challenged to a drinking contest

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-06-12, 12:23 AM
"I accept. Naturally, since you issued the challenge, I believe I get to choose the drink."
One half of a mundane Dwarven ale later, the young Fae noble either falls unconscious, refuses to touch it at all, or visibly cheats.

The man-eating creature known as the Invisible Stalker is declared an endangered species. A specimen is thought to be hanging around on a road you intend to travel.

CrackedChair
2017-06-13, 02:27 PM
Well, they don't really attack things that are not quarry by their summoner, right? Unless I am the target, I don't think actively seeking it out and killing it would help.
But just in case... I always got a Banishment spell ready. As well as See Invisible.

Uh-oh. Looks like you gained about 50 pounds on your downtime from a long adventure...

SirBellias
2017-06-13, 05:16 PM
Draugves is moving slower. Draugves will move faster again in time.

A goat wearing a wizard hat and holding what appears to be a potion in its teeth trots up to you out of an alley and drops it at your feet. What do you do?

JbeJ275
2017-06-14, 07:00 AM
Speak with Animals

A talking bear is declaring its fealty to the high god of blood.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-06-14, 10:38 PM
...unspeak with animals.

You are in town shopping when the sun suddenly vanishes from the sky. The shopkeep and other surrounding townspeople are stunned with shock, blinking idly as their eyesight adjust to the sudden onset of nighttime. The jumpy among them start to cry or hyperventilate. It may just be your imagination, but you can already feel a chill in the air.

What do you do?

Xihirli
2017-07-04, 05:12 PM
Well, if the sun is gone then we need heat, and lots of it.
I set fire to everything and everyone in sight for the good of the community (but mostly for fun).

You have been invited to see the Wizard, but when you reach him he is a fraud. Not only a fraud but a fake. A false faking fraud. He offers you completely useless items instead of the miracles you were promised.

Haruki-kun
2017-07-07, 11:40 PM
My character, Grog, would be okay with that. We don't need any of that stinking magic. But Grog might split the wizard in two for fun anyway.

You encounter a bug that grows larger every time you try to kill it, but if you don't get rid of it, it keeps following you around.

JbeJ275
2017-07-08, 04:38 AM
I try and domesticate the bug and use it reconquer my homeland once it's sufficiently large.

You awaken on the outskirts of Vegas tied to a cactus and an unconscious clown.

Celticbear
2017-07-08, 09:21 AM
Yes! I got Shenghaid! yells Xavouir, the Daemon Magus.

You are in grave peril... says Xavouir's intelligent sword Kitty.

I know, exciting right?



Your character must choose between two paths. One is full of XP, but one is filled with vast amounts of gold.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-07-08, 01:03 PM
"What's an Ecks? Well, I guess it doesn't matter. I'll just go the way my friends are going!"
"Natalie, you were supposed to be the tie-breaking vote."
"Oh! Okay! Then, uhh... let's take the path on the right!"
"You don't even remember which was which, do you?"
"Nope!"

You receive (or perhaps just dream?) a powerful vision of a far-distant land. They seem to indicate that a storm will tear the land apart, soon, and that when it falls, you will die as well. It will fall unless you go there to defend it. But, you've never been there before, you know a maximum of one person who ever has been there, and SPOILER ALERT: no one there knows who you are or have had any visions themselves. What do?

Simetra Irertne
2017-07-13, 01:39 PM
I go undead. Lich, vampire, it doesn't really matter. The distant land falls, and I use its destruction to fuel my transformation. I then claim the ruins and build a fortress on it. Pity there isn't anyone left to enslave. I wouldn't have to build it all myself then. Sigh...the cost of power.

You receive word that your homeland has fallen and the ruins have been claimed by a lich of unknown power. All you have is a small block of cheese, your sword, and your pet rat.

Xihirli
2017-07-13, 08:01 PM
I fight and I die but that's okay, happens all the time.

You are challenged to a duel on the streets of town by a upstart and overzealous Monk. Stories go about that this student of the arts utilized a forbidden technique that can kill a man with a few blows to the right vital areas. And he's not going to take no for an answer...

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-07-15, 01:52 PM
"Aren't monks supposed to be disciplined? As in, disciplined enough not to kill random strangers they run into on the street?"
"BAH! YOU ran into ME! In my culture, this is a matter of HONOR!"
"Well, in my culture, honor duels have been illegal for decades. If you still wish to challenge me, I can apply for a license with the boxing commission and prepare a set of release forms. It will take about 4 to 6 weeks to get an official response."
"WHAT??? But by then, I'll have MEDITATED and reflected on my LIFE CHOICES! I won't want to FIGHT any more! GRRRAAAH! Never mind!"


One of your party members discovers a new breed of goat that's resistant to magic and lasers. They name the breed after you and ask whether you have any opinions on what to do with it.

Darius Midnite
2017-07-23, 04:38 PM
I would research it, see how best to utilize its hide as armor. Also, seriously reprimand the person who named the goat breed after me...

Your enemy for many years lies sleeping, do you slit his throat or face him in open combat?

Xanyo
2017-07-24, 10:07 AM
Burn, burn, burn, burn my enemy's house down!
And the rest of the city block, for good measure!
Oh, and let's not forget to chain him to the ground.


You wake up chained to the ground in your burning house with an insane catfolk standing before you in the flames, laughing.

JbeJ275
2017-07-24, 10:17 PM
Six? Is this you again? I thought you were killed by a dinosaur after you set fire to the child's clothes?
I then wildshape into a rat give him the finger and run away

Your favourite weapon has suddenly became darasticallt less useful.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-07-26, 06:39 PM
"What's Darasticallt? Is it a kind of metal?"
I think he just meant-
"Oh! I bet it's just, like, a really useless kind of wood, right? Like a willow branch. Way too fragile for a staff."
No, I mean it just doesn't-
"Well, I can always go get a new stick. I feel bad about breaking dad's, but like he says, it's just a thing. Nothing to get too worked up about."
...anyway, it turns out the zombies are immune to bludgeoning damage, so they eat you. You're dead now.
"Aw, maaaan!"

You wake up one morning significantly less evil than you were they day before, as evidenced by the fact that your friends' corpses are piled around you, you have blood on your hands, and you feel really bad about it.

Ezeze
2017-08-22, 09:38 AM
Leave town. Quickly. Go be a busker somewhere out West.

Rumors spread through court that your companionship is a bad influence on the Emperor. Diplomatic representatives from the clans begin to subtly shun you. Peasants give you dirty looks when you pass. You find your influence considerably diminished. The Emperor doesn't seem to notice.

Grim ranger
2017-08-29, 08:37 AM
Seeing that the jig might be up soon, my diplomacy-focused schemer uses his mind-bending verbal capabilities to convince the emperor to abdicate the throne to him and begins quiet purge of the worst dissidents. The timetable might have moved up, but it is not like he has not planned for this.

You are being made to walk the plank of a ghost ship towards horrible death by ravenous undead sharks in the waters below!

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-08-29, 09:32 AM
"Please! Can't we talk about... wait, ghost ship."
The character phases right through the goading pirate and walks back onto the deck, determined to discuss how she might help resolve their unfinished business.

It's a one-wish-per-person genie, just passing wishes out in the town square. A man asking to be king is now an Elvis impersonator. What do?

JbeJ275
2017-08-29, 10:02 AM
Go somewhere far away very quickly before I have any "incredibly clever ideas" and screw myself over.

A horde of townsfolk runs towards you screaming in fear, behind them you see a single white bunny rabbit which they all seem to be fleeing from.

Ezeze
2017-08-29, 12:11 PM
Of course it's her first instinct to protect innocent townsfolk by putting herself between them and the danger, but... Superstition holds that Rabbah the Preserver's physical form resembles a rabbit. Rabbah mostly avoids interacting with mortals, but did assist my god and his siblings with the creation. It's important to approach with caution.




Your crew salvaged some treasure from a sunken ship, which is very much a gray area in local law. It's currently sitting in your hold. The Captain left the ship in your care, with explicit instructions not to allow anyone on board, while he and most of the crew go on land to refresh your supplies.

A soldier has just approached the gangway and informed you that a fugitive is known to be in the area and it's his duty to search your ship.

Stormstrider
2017-09-02, 02:59 AM
Of course it's her first instinct to protect innocent townsfolk by putting herself between them and the danger, but... Superstition holds that Rabbah the Preserver's physical form resembles a rabbit. Rabbah mostly avoids interacting with mortals, but did assist my god and his siblings with the creation. It's important to approach with caution.




Your crew salvaged some treasure from a sunken ship, which is very much a gray area in local law. It's currently sitting in your hold. The Captain left the ship in your care, with explicit instructions not to allow anyone on board, while he and most of the crew go on land to refresh your supplies.

A soldier has just approached the gangway and informed you that a fugitive is known to be in the area and it's his duty to search your ship.

She subtly signals the rest of the crew to hide the loot while she asks the soldier for identification to stall for time, politely explaining that they need to be wary of thieves posing as soldiers.

Right next to you a paladin moves to strike down a defenseless priest of an evil deity with his greatsword.

Rampionzel
2017-09-04, 01:31 AM
"Woah there buddy, what's going on here?" she asks, and dives in the way of the blade as it comes down to cleave the priest in two.
Two weeks later, she goes in for a checkup with her village's healer after suffering some bouts of clumsiness, and is diagnosed with a terminal case of greatsword-sticking-out-of-your-chest.


You're dreaming about a tower guarded by a flame-breathing princess. You evade her, and ascend to a small dark room with a glowing golden chest. As you open the chest, you wake up and realize you have snuck into the queen's treasure vault while sleepwalking and are now surrounded by guards with crossbows readied.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-09-04, 11:30 PM
I, ah, guess I'll just surrender... I mean, I can't really defend myself, since I don't remember anything that happened, and I get that they can't just let someone go if they claim to have been possessed. I'll explain as best I can, and if they care about finding out what's really going on, then I can stay and help them find the real bad guys. The crown's guards and inquisitives will keep an eye on me, and everyone's bases are covered! On the other hand, if they don't want to listen, then, ah... I guess I'll have to escape before I'm executed? That's doable, right?

You wake up to find blades of grass towering over you. You are the size of a raisin! What is your first course of action?

Ezeze
2017-09-05, 09:50 AM
Find a squirrel or other small, burrowing rodent. Convince it to bring me to my favorite gnomish companion; he is better at this magic stuff than I am and maybe he will know what is going on.

A large flock of harpies lives near your village. They are fiercely territorial, but also easily swayed by gifts and tend to let caravans pass in peace for offerings of shiny baubles, soft cloths or salted meat. But the Harpy Matriarch is getting old and fears she will die soon, at which time control will pass to her war-like daughter. The current matriarch thinks a war is the last thing her people need. She approaches you with a proposition; if you can quietly assassinate her daughter before her passing, in a way that cannot be connected back to her, she will ensure her niece - who is much more amicable to your people - will succeed her.

Plus one
2017-09-20, 05:11 PM
I accept though am not adept at stealth or assassination. I try to ambush and fight single harpies until I get the right one. A net and great sword should work.

You are walking through a canyon about ten foot wide that starts slowly filling with water. You can't till the source of the water. You have about another mile to go and the sides are 80 feet cliff faces. You can see things moving in it.

Extrail
2017-09-20, 05:15 PM
I fly up. and leave the canyon as i do not want to touch that water.

You are given the choice to betray your party members for one thing of your desire.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-10-06, 05:02 PM
"No thanks!"
No, see, I said you could have anything. Including, say, the means to bring your friends back from the dead later.
"That doesn't work! If y'all let me undo it right away, then I'm not really betraying them, am I? Y'all'd just be giving them free stuff!"
...you know, helping me fix the holes in my plan constitutes betraying them.
"Huh? UWAH! NO!"

You wake up on an old-school chicken farm where your magic does not function. Investigation reveals that this is an alternate-history version of your world where neither magic nor motors have made an appearance. Now what?

Ilmarë
2017-11-04, 10:34 AM
"Joke's on you, I'm a paladin who traded away her casting anyway." (Unless supernatural abilities also count, in which case I'm worse off than a fighter)

You come to a locked door, and the key to open it is protected by an eternal flame that no water can dowse on a large stone pedestal. What do you do?

(First room of the Temple of Select Dooms, for anyone who's seen JourneyQuest)

JbeJ275
2017-11-04, 11:39 AM
I use my crossbow skills to get the key off the pedestal without touching the flame myself.

A noble you never heard of has left you his stately manor following his untimely death and given no reason why you were chosen.

Castiel1
2017-11-04, 04:57 PM
After saving the world from this CR 72 vampire my party is facing at level 19, I do Speak wit bread heightened speak with dead on the noble, possibly raise dead depending on the answers I get then I convert the mansion into a temple of Fharglahn to raise an army of clerics in case the apocalypse happens a third time.

Your closest friend or significant other puts on boots of freedom of movement then begins attacking you for reasons unknown, and is immune to non-lethal damage

Jethro_Thrull
2017-11-05, 07:33 PM
I would cast Dominate Person, have them remove the boots and go for a long walk off a short pier.

Oops! You unleashed an ancient Primordial onto the material plane, and the Iron Flask containing it shattered in the fury of it's release.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-11-05, 11:17 PM
"Well, yeah! It's not right to keep someone trapped in a bottle forever."
"Natalie, he was in there because whenever he isn't in a bottle, he destroys the world."
"WHAT HEY COME ON I DON'T *ALWAYS* DESTROY THE WORLD"
"THIS KID WAS KIND TO ME SO MAYBE I'LL BE NICE THIS TIME"
"Really? You promise?"
"LOOK"
"I'M KEEPING MY OPTIONS OPEN"

You wake up in a floating castle! A few of your relatives are there with you, apparently at war with one of your friends, who is leading an army of monsters down below. This alternate history is pretty... alternate. What do you do?

Castiel1
2017-11-06, 02:38 AM
Firestorm the army, break out that level 19 optimised cleric power to capture my friend (who tried and failed to optimise) then find a helm of opposite alignment and put in on and off and on and off until detect evil showed that he rolled a 1 on his save. Then, I go round doing this to my other friends until the team is back together, at which point we go and save this world before heading back home. Also, I ignore my family since I never met my family and don't know my last name

One of your party members gets amnesia and doesn't believe anything that you or the other party members tell him/her

Ezeze
2017-11-07, 11:27 AM
Bring him (or her) home. No one currently in the party is an orphan - we all have at least one parent or guardian who cares about us. If they won't listen to us, surely they will listen to their parent(s)?

An heirloom sword comes into your possession. It has strong magic, but demands that you produce at least one heir to carry it after you are gone.

FabulousFizban
2017-11-07, 06:38 PM
that sword is not the boss of me! i sell it and drink and whore away the money.

a green hag offers to brew potions for you free of charge if you can just get rid of the giant serpent that has taken over her swamp hut.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-11-10, 01:23 AM
Ugh, you know that she's lying, right? Please tell me you know she's lying. That's like a green hag's whole thing. But, I'm going to do what she asks anyway, because this serpent thing sounds like bad news and she at least deserves to keep her house.

You're cursed! You need to chew on something for four hours a day, or your teeth will get too big for your head. It's the plot device kind of curse, too, so standard curse-removal measures do not fix it. What do you chew on until you complete the associated quest?

Westhart
2017-11-10, 11:08 AM
"Ah ha, good thing I bought this jerky from that trader we met under the bridge... No, I don't know why he was under the bridge, and why would I care?"

Your parties Paladin is being forced to marry your stepmother, even though he is already engaged.

Ezeze
2017-11-10, 03:22 PM
I ... What? I am the party paladin. You want me to marry my stepmother? How would that even work? Though, yes, I am already engaged, funny enough.

Well. My fiancé and I were never going to be able to stay in this village anyway. We'll just leave a little sooner than I'd have liked.



You accidentally stumble through a portal into Sigil. It's also called The City of Many Doors. It's also called The Cage, and that second name starts to make a lot more sense to you when you discover that you cannot find a way home.

5a Violista
2017-11-15, 07:52 PM
My character, after a day or so of panicking and trying to get back, finally decides that going back probably isn't the best thing: there's honestly nothing left there for her. She then embraces being in Sigil because it's a chance to be away from the past.


Your character is reading the newspaper, when they notice that they are in the obituaries.

Grim ranger
2017-11-19, 05:08 PM
Carefully putting down the newspaper, my Dhampir oracle pinches the bridge of their nose in annoyance. Yet another prank towards the living-impaired.

Your character wakes up to the sight of the Grim Reaper (or appropriate substitute) sitting in chair next to their bed, reading a book and occasionally glancing at a black hourglass sitting on the nightstand.

JbeJ275
2017-11-19, 05:17 PM
Kato is a tiger, and thus doesn't know what the reaper is. He surrounds himself with flame and pounces.

You're being attacked by a tiger which is on fire.

Ezeze
2017-11-19, 09:09 PM
Gah! Hellbeast! Stab it! Stab it!

While traveling in lands ruled by a tyrannical despot a merchant attempts to pay you for your services by giving you one of his slaves.

Ieagleroar
2017-11-20, 05:40 AM
I haggle with him, saying I need at least 1 1/2 slaves for my services rendered.

Waking up, you look down only to realize you are a member of the opposite sex.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-11-20, 09:34 PM
"Uwah! Was I really a girl this whole time??"
Yes, you were... which by way of this scenario makes you a boy now.
"Oh! Uh, yeah! That's what I meant."

After walking though a mundane door at an inn, you find yourself covered in something that looks like powdered sugar but tastes awful. Someone down the hall, who you don't recognize, cackles like Skeletor and boasts that he has finally bested you! What do?

NontheistCleric
2017-11-21, 02:35 AM
'I can do better than that. Glitterdust!'

You have been blinded by a Glitterdust spell in the middle of what you thought was your triumphant victory. What do you do?

VelociRapture12
2017-11-27, 04:23 PM
Sighing to himself Aven produces his rod of wonder and fills the room with neon colored butterflies.

You are stuck in a tavern room full of butterflies in only the most garishly bright colors. What do you do?

Ezeze
2017-11-27, 09:25 PM
Be delighted! Butterflies!

A Pegasus keeps following you around. If you stand still for more than a few minutes at a time it starts nuzzling you affectionately.

Book Wombat
2017-11-29, 01:03 PM
My Wizard cast Dimension Door and teleports away

Situation: After a long fight were all your party members and yourself are tired and out of spells, suddenly a demon appears to defeat your party. What do you do?

Westhart
2017-11-29, 01:16 PM
"Hey you, I challenge thee to a duel, or are ye to cowardly?" ((Undead fencer keying completely off cha (including more HP!) for the win!!))

The crazy ass fencer just challenged a demon to a duel... What do you do?

Castiel1
2017-11-30, 06:01 PM
My character casts true seeing and sense motive, then aids in the demon slaying after true seeing ascertained the fiendishness of the demon.

The monsters you face are no longer inexplicably laden with treasure, and you have no gold due to a shopping spree.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-12-01, 01:45 AM
Yeah, that sounds about right. Good thing my characters all have day jobs! Well, except for the Medusa Druid, but that's because she thinks money is stupid.

You find a +10 screwdriver. What do you do with it?

Ezeze
2017-12-01, 10:57 AM
Go to a major city and sell it. That gold can finance our expeditions for quite some time.

You receive an invitation to attend Hogwarts.

Westhart
2017-12-01, 11:04 AM
"I knew they'd find me! Time to move!"

You have been hired to find a paranoid planar traveling wizard. What do you do?

Von_Derpington
2017-12-01, 09:12 PM
I spend days creating spells and arcane artifacts in order to track him wherever he goes. Even at the farthest reaches of the Outer Planes, I can find him. There is no escape from my ultimate arcane power! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Your hired wizard has gone mad with power. What do you do?

Aniikinis
2017-12-02, 09:45 AM
My Cheshire Cat Spellthief steals his best spell and explodes the continent.

The enemy has made a magic Thermonuclear Explosive and is about to drop it on the largest city.

Xenopax
2017-12-04, 09:51 AM
My drow rogue would convince everyone that he is bluffing and then leave. He would come back later with a radiation suit and raid the outskirts.

You are alone against the tarrasque with no teleportation spells left.

Westhart
2017-12-04, 10:02 AM
Evan Du Guar hefts her greatsword, then charges in, a trail of black, dead sand in her wake.

You've been abducted by renegade solars.

The_Iron_Lord
2017-12-04, 06:22 PM
Hmmmm....Well, I can't say this is entirely unexpected...However, being destroyed by the forces of good is not in my plans for the future, so: *Abrupt Jaunt* *Rope Trick in midair so it looks like I Teleported*


Your character has been hired to hunt down an evil mad scientist/wizard. However, as soon as you appear to have him cornered, he grins and leaps off of the nearby cliffledge. Looking over it, you see that he has disappeared. Then a scream splits the air, and the party member you are emotionally closest to bolts off of the cliff after me with their hands behind their back.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-12-04, 10:15 PM
I'm assuming that, "me," at the end refers to the mad wizzardist who isn't there anymore anyway? Since I was on point, my friend has to run right by me for that to work, so, uh... grab them as they reach the edge, I guess. We can figure out the cause of their sudden jumpiness from there. Pretty straightforward scenario, I gotta say!

That said, I guess the villain did still teleport away or turn invisible mid-fall or something. What should we do about that?

The_Iron_Lord
2017-12-05, 11:32 AM
Assuming that it's fine for me to reply to two posts in a row...
Haha, whoops! I didn't notice the "me" :smallredface: ...the villain is basically my character...


ummm...Gonna go with my other character's perspective here, considering that the villain is the one I just used...

Holy Hell!! I wonder...Firra, what do you think just happened?!
Firra is my familiar, a ferret.
*Spellcraft check* Well, if I had to guess...either he teleported, turned invisible, or he just possessed *friend whose name I don't know 'cause they're your friend* and tried to make them jump off...
In that case...Read Thoughts!

EDIT: Wait, I forgot to add a scenario :smallredface:

Your character is relaxing in your place of residence (or the closest thing to it you have) when one of your party members arrives to visit/already lives there collectively/whatever. You welcome them, and they nod, then confess their love to you and propose marriage on the spot. How do you react?

VelociRapture12
2017-12-07, 10:38 PM
Well since Aven is sitting next to his Wife. He'd politely decline and teleport himself and his wife to the other wizard tower.

You just saw the love of your life disappear in front of your eyes, what do you do?

Ezeze
2017-12-08, 10:04 AM
Look for him, dammit! Jherek isn't a wizard. He doesn't teleport, and doesn't turn invisible, so if he has done either than something is wrong.

Your friend returns from scouting with a baby in his arms. He just found it, he swears, and he doesn't know what to do with it now.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-12-08, 10:53 AM
"Where did you find it??"
"Babytown."
"'Babytown?'"
"I know. I didn't believe it either. But here we are."
"Maybe, ah... maybe the baby belongs in Babytown? We should put it back!"
"We should probably be calling them a They instead of an It. And no. I scouted and it turns out Babytown is no place for a baby. It's completely abandoned and covered in choking hazards."
"Ah... well, I guess we should keep an eye on them until their parents turn up. We can investigate that area for a while."
"What if they don't turn up."
"I... don't know?"
"Ok. That's fair."

Your friend's been mutated and assimilated by aliens! They still know who you are, but they're commanding the other aliens and fighting you anyway. It's like they're playing a game and intend to win. What do?

Xenopax
2017-12-17, 10:05 AM
My Ithillid Sorcerer would firebomb the planet and then put my (Former) friend to the torture. He would make sure to keep him alive and healthy so he could suffer more pain.

You have been give a state secret that if told could destroy your country. You are being offered something very valuable to give it and something very valuable to not tell. What do you do?

JbeJ275
2017-12-25, 06:18 PM
Keep the secret in return for money, lie and pretend to sell the secret actually giving false information in return for more money.
Teleport very far away.

A thug runs past you in the street, hands you a bag full of valuable items says he'll pay you to hold onto them and runs off. Seconds later mercenaries come sprinting round the corner and the thug runs away.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2017-12-26, 02:05 PM
"Sweet. Free Maguffin."
"Which of them are the bad guys again?"
"It does seem a bit early to judge that rogue as a thug. Or these fighters as mercenaries for that matter."
"Just shut up and catch them! HEY! GET BACK HERE!"

You've died! Or at least you've come close to it. After taking a moment to check on something, Death is willing to play you in one game for a second chance at life. Which game do you choose?

Ezeze
2017-12-26, 07:19 PM
Saddle up your white horse, Death, because I'll race you for it. I'm the best rider Buho has ever seen.

Brigands off the port-side bow! They're closing fast with the little merchant ship you commandeered for your latest adventure. What are you doing?

Goaty14
2017-12-29, 12:35 AM
Nothing. Umsh-Kar the barbarian cannot be bothered until he has had more ale.

Somehow you are about to see a dragon pass over a city. Where are you?

Xenopax
2017-12-29, 12:40 AM
My anti paladin would Shoot it in the wing and force it to lay eggs which he could either eat or sell.

Your Familiar/Pet was just eaten by your Party members accidently! what do you do?

Westhart
2018-01-03, 04:47 PM
Alecia shakes her head, not saying a word. She silently lights a cigarette, taking a long drag then turns towards the party member, putting on her long over coat. Things are about to get messy.

The barbarian now has his innards on his outside. What do you do?

somethingrandom
2018-01-04, 05:37 AM
Being the Barbarian, bleed a lot.

You are traveling a a country where the practice of magic is illegal and punishable by death. As you walk into town a woman points at the elf in the party (who has made no attempt to conceal his race) and screams “Witch!” repeatedly in an extremely shrill tone, others are starting to join in and the town guard are approaching.

Xenopax
2018-01-04, 07:25 AM
Scar the inquisitior would scream Wych! Back before calling in his holy order to burn down the town and crucifix the inhabitants.

Your character is the only survivor of his party and is at 1 hp (all spells and special abilities used) the monster that did this is looking for you and you are hiding in the woods. What do they do?

Ezeze
2018-01-04, 05:24 PM
Die with dignity facing the creature that tore my friends from me.

It turns out your best friend has been dead the whole time!

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-01-08, 01:58 AM
"Oh my god... it... it all fits!"
"L, I'm right here."
"You're not the one who died, I am! And then in your grief you took my soul and... and..."
"You're right here, too."
"No I'm not, can't you see? I'm you!"

- Meanwhile -

"Horsie! NOOOOOO!"

You're in a aruined bubble-city at the bottom of the ocean, and the submarine you used to get down here up and exploded while you were exploring. Now what?

LeMooseImperium
2018-01-09, 11:49 PM
...

Kaz casts teleport.

You have just successfully executed the Tyrant Prince Jimothy in his lavish bedchamber. As you stand over his now-headless corpse, blood dripping from your blade, a squirrel appears atop your nose.

Squirrel: *telepathic laughter*
Jimothy's head: Tell...Garyl...I...hate...him...

What do you do?

Xenopax
2018-01-10, 08:10 AM
...

Kaz casts teleport.

You have just successfully executed the Tyrant Prince Jimothy in his lavish bedchamber. As you stand over his now-headless corpse, blood dripping from your blade, a squirrel appears atop your nose.

Squirrel: *telepathic laughter*
Jimothy's head: Tell...Garyl...I...hate...him...

What do you do?

I find Garyl. I tell him that Jimothy hates him if he loves Jimothy and vice versa. I then give Garyl both Jimothies animated head (With the tongue cut out) and the squirrel. I tell them that Jimothy is the squirrel now

You just received your friend's animated head and your friend reincarnated as a squirrel from a mysterious Man. What do you do?

LeMooseImperium
2018-01-10, 08:14 PM
Kaz casts disintegrate on the mysterious man, kills the squirrel and asks the party Druid to reincarnate it. Oh, and adds the severed head to the pile in the basement.

You have just discovered a magical Pineapple half-embedded in an anvil, with an inscription saying "Thou who pulleth this pineapple from this stone is Jimothy, the Once and Future Squirrel", à la Sword in the Stone.
What do you do?

Westhart
2018-01-10, 08:21 PM
Obviously cut it out, thus avoiding the whole clause altogether. That way we can ignore the future squirrel thing. "See you can have your cake, and eat it to."

The local warlord just got smashed by a few spare anvil shards, what do you do?

LeMooseImperium
2018-01-10, 08:25 PM
Kaz runs.

You have just found a duck. In a dungeon.

JbeJ275
2018-01-11, 04:45 AM
I have a meal of delicious roast duck.

8ft tall alien robot supersoilders beam down in front of you andfire their plasma guns wounding but not killing you. Their leader then proclaims that they come in peace.

LeMooseImperium
2018-01-11, 10:21 AM
Kaz rolls Diplomacy?
Or fire storms them all.
One of the two.

You have just killed and roasted a duck in the dungeon. As you turn to eat it, you hear a deafening "quack". What do you do?

CosmicHobbit
2018-01-11, 06:46 PM
My Paladin, without thinking, turns around and smites whatever he sees first, yelling, "ZOMBIE DUCK!!"

While at a dinner party, it is revealed to you that you and everyone in the room has been infected with a disease that will kill everyone in exactly ten days. HOWEVER, you will be given the cure if you assassinate an important government figure.

LeMooseImperium
2018-01-11, 07:03 PM
My Paladin, without thinking, turns around and smites whatever he sees first, yelling, "ZOMBIE DUCK!!"

While at a dinner party, it is revealed to you that you and everyone in the room has been infected with a disease that will kill everyone in exactly ten days. HOWEVER, you will be given the cure if you assassinate an important government figure.

Kaz has a clone, so he's fine either way, but he still assassinates the guy.

You wake up on the Ethereal Plane, standing next to a volcano, with no memory of what happened after you killed the Duck Avatar of KSajfhdsj, the Lord of Chaos. What do you do?

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-01-13, 02:10 AM
"Wait, this volcano is actually in the material plane, right? I wonder if the heat really extends here..."
"L, we just assassinated a literal god and saved the entire world. Put down the ghost-lava and come celebrate like a normal person!"

Your soul's been stolen, and the jerk who has it has a dead-man's switch that destroys it if you kill her. To get it back, she asks you for a favor that seems strangely simple and perhaps a little petty. Do you do it?

Kevinranch
2018-01-13, 11:29 PM
My bard accepts saying that if he doesn't have a soul he can't make more money.

You were on your way to destroy an all powerful evil artifact when a demon comes and takes your friends. And the only way to get them back is to use the artifact but you made a pact with the gods saying you would never use it.

CosmicHobbit
2018-01-14, 08:03 AM
You were on your way to destroy an all powerful evil artifact when a demon comes and takes your friends. And the only way to get them back is to use the artifact but you made a pact with the gods saying you would never use it.

After much(5 days worth) of deliberation, Ghesh the Dragonborn Paladin has an idea. He can’t use the artifact, but somebody else can! He goes to find the person he trusts the most: The priestess who pulled him off the streets. He asks her to use the artifact, and if she does, yay! If she doesn’t, he’ll keep asking people until somebody does. Because somebody will.

A red dragon swoops down from the skies, saying that they don’t have much time before they die. They’ll help you on an all-important quest if You promise to cure them of all disease afterward.

Xenopax
2018-01-14, 08:15 AM
Belgar Tyron the dragon born would aid this noble Dragon. All he would ask in return was the dragon take better care of itself.

You are slowly turning into a wingless wonder. It can't be stopped. What do you do?

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-01-15, 12:27 AM
I'm 99% sure that I'm already pretty well wingless. What's... Oh. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fr5HwRyk020) Huh! Well, I guess this means I get to go hang out with Tsunderplane (http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/077/116/15e.gif) for a while.

Your best friend (or pet or familiar, if you have one) smells horrific! They smell like a troglodyte ghoul who just survived a methane gas explosion at the onion factory. Attempts to bathe them prove unsuccessful. What do you do?

CosmicHobbit
2018-01-15, 09:17 AM
Your best friend (or pet or familiar, if you have one) smells horrific! They smell like a troglodyte ghoul who just survived a methane gas explosion at the onion factory. Attempts to bathe them prove unsuccessful. What do you do?

Well, Ghesh’s best friend is Orryn the Wizard, so the first thing we have to do is ask him if he was trying to make a new spell. He probably made a fire spell, because he’s a little bit of a pyromaniac. The next thing to do is throw them into a vat of holy water and hope it works. If it does, great! If it doesn’t, Ghesh will just get a noseclip, or whatever the medieval equivalent of that is.

Your archenemy has created a weapon more advanced than anything that currently exists! He keeps it in a secret safe that nobody but you knows the location of. There’s one last obstacle though. Only your archenemy can open it. What does your character do?

Xenopax
2018-01-15, 09:30 AM
Torture them/their family till they open it

You are living through the Cleansing Wars of Athas as a Human. Your wife/ husband/child is an Elf. A good friend of yours has become a Templar of the Elf Killer. He knows about your spouse and he has tsurrounded your house. He calls for you to surrender and give them up. If u do then you keep your life. What do you do?

Also I meant this wingless wonder
http://www.lomion.de/cmm/winleswo.php

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-01-15, 11:10 PM
Ew, I'm changing into something with a THAC0. Whatever, it's still basically an Undertale monster. My response is unchanged!

I assume that The Elf Killer is the local dragon-sorcerer-king-guy. In a startling bout of genre blindness, the elf of the household thought the king would make an exception after all the Artificing work he's done for him in the past. At any rate, I'm a ranger in this case and my elven partner is basically a genius. We chug two invisibility potions, skip town, and offer our services to some other villain.

You wake up in an unfamiliar room wearing an unfamiliar nightgown. A nearby mirror shows an unfamiliar face as well. You don't have any of your stuff, and this body you're in doesn't seem to have any magic if you had it before. It looks like you're in a mansion?

Castiel1
2018-03-09, 01:19 AM
I blame the party sorcerer. It doesn't matter if he probably doesn't have the magic to do this, the sorcerer is always to blame somehow.

A reclusive archmage has put up a poster that is claiming that it will give a bounty of 10,000 gold per dead goblin brought in. You have no idea why you would be paid this much for a dead goblin or if goblins even exist within a hundred-kilometre radius

bc56
2018-03-11, 01:23 PM
Avani finds the archmage and murders him in his sleep. How dare he oppress her people like that!

You have a sneaking suspicion that your fellow party members are doing evil things, like murdering people and stealing their stuff, while you're not looking.

JbeJ275
2018-03-12, 08:34 AM
I demand that they stop, how dare they do that behind my back! We all agreed that we would only, kill sack, plunder and pillage when everyone was there to enjoy it.

Everybody seems to think that you are having relations with another one of your party members, despite no such thing having occurred between the two of you, the party member in question denies ever hearing any of this and you're not quite sure who started this rumour.

Xanyo
2018-03-14, 11:00 AM
Nvaad is simply... confused. Why would they think that of a member the the absolute most conservative culture anywhere? Hmm. Might be magic. Probably magic.

The immortal adviser of your community, who is absolutely vital to the continued progression of it, goes into total seclusion after his wife dies. For a decade.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-03-14, 09:32 PM
"Explain again what made their presence so vital? You say it's been ten years, and we've apparently managed to get by..."
"Well, sure, but that's just 'cause we're lucky! What happens when some monster shows up or some magic disaster happens that only happens once in a million years? We won't know how to deal with it unless he's there to tell us!"
"We could just leave them alone and go find them when something like that comes up."
"...yeah, okay."

You walk into a dungeon, and the first room you enter is exactly as you imagined. How is it?

saltstorming
2018-03-14, 11:53 PM
The room is... basically set up for what looks like an awesome party, complete with cheery people yelling, "SURPRISE!" These people are what likely would have been the enemies, except they're genuinely friendly and no weapons are in sight.
Yes, my character is a complete and total optimist.

Your character is playing Truth or Dare. What question or dare do they desperately hope won't get asked, and what do they ask or dare another player?

CosmicHobbit
2018-03-26, 06:06 PM
Stuff that Ghesh hopes will not be asked:
Dare: Raise an undead creature. No, I don't care you're a paladin. Just do it.
Truth: If a friend was a necromancer, would you still kill them?
Stuff Ghesh would ask:
Dare: Show Orryn fire, then put it out and take the beating Orryn dishes out.
Truth: Have you ever tortured someone? (Slowly looks at the bard)

Your best friend has just commited an atrocity that you can not stand for. They claim that they were possessed/mind controlled/otherwise out of control when they did it, but may be lying. They keep saying that if you were truly their friend, you would believe them, rather than doing anything about this atrocity. What does your character do?

bc56
2018-03-26, 06:28 PM
Yaotl kills the hapless teammate and melts their body with acid, to be sure they aren't coming back. They betrayed the pack, they must die.

There's a huge treasure hoard, and your teammates are all incapacitated and therefore unable to claim a share.

Crisis21
2018-03-28, 12:52 AM
Treasure hoard? What treasure hoard? And no, my handy haversack was always this full.


A hot aasimar just hit on you.

Xanyo
2018-03-28, 09:44 AM
The loremaster looks up from his desk covered in books and gets confused. Hopefully he has some books about social interactions with other people. Hopefully. In the meantime, he's getting very, very confused. And just kinda sits there, dazed.

You reach the BBEG's lair and, after getting past a young sphinx that was in front of the door, enter to find a library. A giant, dusty, cobwebbed library with dim magical lighting from the occasional rune on the shelves. The shelves, as well as having uncounted thousands or even million of books, hold a variety of artifacts, magic items, bones, and many other collectible items, as well as some things that seem pretty much worthless. After wandering through the maze of bookshelves for who knows how long, you find a large, dome-shaped, internal study. It is cleaner in here, and you see the BBEG sitting at a desk, faced away from you, studying a large, yellowed tome. His crimes are: armed theft, kidnapping, practicing forbidden magicks, unlawful experimentation, inhumane experimentation, possession of vile artifacts, use of vile artifacts, releasing murderous abominations that may have once been human, grave-robbery, desecration of graves, two counts of almost destroying the entire plane, negligent homicide, negligent destruction of property, consorting with devils, consorting with demons, consorting with abominations, soul theft, and many more.

Extrail
2018-04-10, 11:12 AM
I see if he would accept me working with him to defeat my comrades, and for a lot of power. Secretly of course I do not want to appear as anything but a noble paladin to my comrades.


You walk into a room completely barren, and realize your only way of getting out has disappeared behind you. This seems strange as you thought you were walking into an inn. The walls, and floor are made of smooth obsidian, and cackling laughter is heard all around you.

ChaoticHarmony
2018-04-12, 04:27 PM
My character would lay down in the middle of the floor and keep staring at the ceiling until he disbelieve the illusion. It must be an illusion, right guys? .....Guys?

You wake up in the middle of a field, with no memories of your past. There is a warm campfire going, and there are several people you don't recognize laying unconscious all around it. One of them begins to wake up.

PopeLinus1
2018-05-05, 07:37 PM
My character would... geez. I really don’t know. Probably start screaming at the sky, than huddle in a ball and start crying as they try to figure out what has happened.

Geez, I should create more... what’s the word... more productive characters.

“Aaaaaah! HellDeathDoomFireVolcano is erupting. If only someone were brave enough to find the magical artifact that can prevent it, than deliver it derectly to the source!” Aaah!”

CosmicHobbit
2018-05-06, 07:52 AM
"Well will I find undead on the way?"
I dunno Ghesh, maybe?
"Good enough for me!"
Ghesh, don't you think you should grab your sword before leaving?
"Nope! I'll smite with my fists!"
If you say so.

You've just been told that if you join the bad guys, you will get everything you ever wished for, but if you don't, all your nightmares will come true.
Note: If your character is evil, replace "bad guys" with "good guys".

Rater202
2018-05-06, 03:20 PM
Declare "bitch I'm already a God" and kill the bad guys.

Someone just declared themself a God and killed all your friends when they offered him a job. What do?

Extrail
2018-05-06, 03:35 PM
I kill the god. I'm a godslayer it's no problem for me.

A god you were worshiping(or your cleric was worshiping) was just killed what do you do?

ChaoticHarmony
2018-05-06, 06:53 PM
Kill the cleric so they may join their god in the afterlife, then blame it on the rogue.

You have strong evidence that your party's rogue killed your only source of healing, right before you're about to fight the BBEG

bc56
2018-05-07, 01:46 PM
Kothar realises that the rogue really is evil, just as he bleeds out on the floor.

You just found out one of your fellow party members is secretly the opposite alignment from you (CG if you're LE, LN if you're CN, etc.)

CosmicHobbit
2018-05-07, 04:31 PM
Well. As long as he doesn't betray us, and is working toward the same goal as us, or at least works with us, Ghesh'll leave them be. But if they try to work against the party, they will hear Ghesh's immortal words that let them know that their death will be swift but brutal:
"...boy, I will smite yo butt to kingdom come."

A person in your party which is your gender of choice has started hitting on you. What do you do?

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-05-08, 11:05 PM
"Ah, well, I guess it depends on who-"
"I shamelessly flirt back and escalate the sexual tension until one of us gets uncomfortable."
"Erm?"
"It's a fun game, to me! I don't really expect anything to come of it."
"Oh... ah... alright, then..."

So, someone has been routinely hitting on you for a while - or vice-versa, if you're the kind of person who would do that to someone. But one day, you notice that the harassment just stops. Why do you think that is?

Extrail
2018-05-09, 07:56 AM
They're dead! why did they die so horribly?

You've been told to find out who horribly killed a good friend of an adventurer. What do you do?

ChaoticHarmony
2018-05-09, 10:21 PM
Either help the adventurer hunt him down so he may have his revenge, or mislead him into believing my enemy is responsible and help him help me get my revenge. The second one is totally not because I am the one who killed the good friend or anything silly like that....hehehe...

Quick! A powerful being is starting to think you are leading him down a path he never wanted to go down.(this can be a good guy being led to the path of villainy, or a criminal being tricked into the hero's role) He is about to confront you about it. What do you do?

Rater202
2018-05-16, 02:07 AM
Calmly defuse the misunderstanding over soda and fruit pies.

A female genie of a subtype that is unbound and doesn't grant wishes is offering you soda and fruit pies.

CosmicHobbit
2018-05-20, 03:02 AM
Well, Ghesh is pretty smart, so-"Ooooh! Fruit pies! I'm starving! Gimmegimmegimme!" Calm down Ghesh. It might be a trap, so we should stay vigila-"To heck with vigilance! I'm hungry as (swearing in draconic)!" Fine. Eat it. And see who's right when you nearly die, or get cursed, or something. "That's the spirit!" *shoves pie in his mouth, then speaks with mouth full* "So, is soda like ale or something?"

Your character has just witnessed the paladin accept pie and soda from a possibly shady genie.

Extrail
2018-05-20, 10:28 AM
Walk away. And be glad that the Paladin's an idiot.

You see a Mermaid seeming to beckon towards you.

Bob_McSurly
2018-05-21, 11:37 PM
He remembers that the sooner he does his job, the sooner he can go home to his girlfriend Ythteria . He pretends that he doesn't notice the mermaid.




An informant tells you that there is evidence that one of your partners has been involved in a lucrative illicit drug business behind your back.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-05-23, 01:53 AM
"Ian! Stop dealing drugs!"
"NEVER"

You're following a clue to hunt down a dragon. Right outside of what's supposed to be his lair is a grove of rare and expensive almond trees. The plot has clearly been well-kept. What do?

ChaoticHarmony
2018-05-23, 01:28 PM
He would ask the DM how he manages to keep his Story lines flowing so well, the plot is so well kept.

You just saw one of your allies break the 4th wall, and you aren't sure how to interpret it

bc56
2018-05-23, 08:46 PM
Kothar reaches through the hole in the fourth wall and bops the offending player on the head with a flaming battleaxe. When asked about it later, he claims to not understand the implications of what he'd just done.
"But there was hole in space, and human on the other side. He must be evil wizard."

Your fellow party members forgot to pack any food or water! Oh no!

Rater202
2018-05-23, 08:50 PM
Kothar reaches through the hole in the fourth wall and bops the offending player on the head with a flaming battleaxe. When asked about it later, he claims to not understand the implications of what he'd just done.
"But there was hole in space, and human on the other side. He must be evil wizard."

Your fellow party members forgot to pack any food or water! Oh no!

Luckily I can magically conjure candy and soda at will, we're saved!

Well, except for the people who are more susceptible to diabetes than I am.

The Magical Genie-Demon-Thingy that's part of the party accidentally gave half the party diabetes with magic candy.

PopeLinus1
2018-05-23, 09:32 PM
Eh, not my character's problem.

Everything is burning. Everything. Some things are burning, and your pretty sure they aren't flammable. And your also pretty sure the Toke Evil Teammate has a lot of fire spells

Extrail
2018-07-04, 02:01 PM
Recognize I have fire spells, and get down to business find out who did it, and who is trying to pin me for it

Your party has recognized they are on the plane of fire. Specifically a quasiplane where it's similar to the material world but literally everything is burning

Rater202
2018-07-04, 02:06 PM
Mister Snuggles and the Cuddlebug both scream in terror becuase Klyntar are very badly hurt by fire and are thus instinctively pyrophobic.

A little girl covered in a suit of some kind of living metallic slime is screaming at terror at the fire all around her.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-07-04, 11:15 PM
Oof. Okay. Step 1, maybe evacuate the child from the burning building-slash-plane of existence? Then we can worry about step 2, which is probably going to involve dealing with the T-2000 that she's apparently befriended.

Your mission is to go to an uncharted continent on the other side of an ocean! The destination is basically impossible to scry on for the time being, and no means of transportation has been made available to you, though you do have a significant cash stipend. What do?

Woobydoobydoo
2018-07-06, 02:08 PM
Take the cash, make a new identity, and escape to another continent.

You have been captured by mad cultists and are about to be offered up to their god.

Rater202
2018-07-06, 02:11 PM
Then we can worry about step 2, which is probably going to involve dealing with the T-2000 that she's apparently befriended
(KKlyntar Symbiote--Less Terminator, more Venom)

Take the cash, make a new identity, and escape to another continent.

You have been captured by mad cultists and are about to be offered up to their god.

Easily escape and then kill and eat their god to gain its power.

A golden bug man just killed a God and ate it to absorb its power.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-07-06, 10:12 PM
>>Watch bug god with ogle of keen interest

You've just been informed that you have bone cancer. The prognosis isn't great - a year, maybe a few more with intense treatment. What do?

Xihirli
2018-07-06, 11:54 PM
I will become a lich!

You have lived for 8,000 years and are getting bored.

ChaoticHarmony
2018-07-07, 07:37 PM
I start crank calling the other immortals and see how long I can get away with it

Your favorite deity is getting harassed by an unknown being and wants your help finding them

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-07-09, 08:31 PM
"Ian! Stop doing illegal experiments on holy relics!"
"NEVER"

After a particularly stressful day of dungeon-crawling, the lorefinder's guild offers to thank you by providing you with any one book from their massive world-spanning collection. Which book would be your first choice?

"I punch 'em!"
"Natalie, you don't work here. At all."
"My cool friend Aria punches 'em!"
"Wait... was that you who just broke in?"
"I GET PUNCHED!"

Some Android
2018-07-09, 08:34 PM
[COLOR="#B22222"]After a particularly stressful day of dungeon-crawling, the lorefinder's guild offers to thank you by providing you with any one book from their massive world-spanning collection. Which book would be your first choice?

I want a book called How to Break into the Lorefinder's Stupid Guild Library so I Can Steal all their Books.:smallwink:

You work in the Lorefinder's Guild, and someone breaks into the library after hours.

Extrail
2018-07-09, 08:46 PM
I try to figure out why they're there. I doubt anything else wouldn't reveal my true nature in helping the lorefinder's for so long as a lorefinder.

Trying to break into the lorefinder's guild a librarian notices you and asks why your their, but seems to be less uptight then the usual lorefinder. What do you do?

Some Android
2018-07-09, 11:06 PM
Trying to break into the lorefinder's guild a librarian notices you and asks why your their, but seems to be less uptight then the usual lorefinder. What do you do?

I throw any sort of projectile (magical or nonmagical) I have at the librarian's face.

While working in the lorefinder's guild as a librarian, someone breaks in and throws a projectile at your face.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-07-10, 12:29 AM
"I throw a book at them!"
"Ow! Stop it!"

You head to the library early one morning only to find two women dressed like adventurers hurling books at each other from across the room in a heated contest not unlike a snowball fight. Why did you come to the library in the first place?

Some Android
2018-07-10, 12:50 AM
You head to the library early one morning only to find two women dressed like adventurers hurling books at each other from across the room in a heated contest not unlike a snowball fight. Why did you come to the library in the first place?

I came to the library to research how to handle hostile situations with nonviolence. Seeing these people throw books at each other I use my Sorcerer Supreme magic hand circle powers to leave this realm and go else where.

You're on a forum with a silly game about what would you do. You grow tired of this lorefinders guild arc and are given a chance to branch out and go to any realm in the multiverse. Where do you go?

ChaoticHarmony
2018-07-10, 06:46 AM
I came to the library to research how to handle hostile situations with nonviolence. Seeing these people throw books at each other I use my Sorcerer Supreme magic hand circle powers to leave this realm and go else where.

You're on a forum with a silly game about what would you do. You grow tired of this lorefinders guild arc and are given a chance to branch out and go to any realm in the multiverse. Where do you go?

Back to the Lorefinder's guild, no one would ever expect me to return so soon after leaving so hastily

Some jerk intercepts your teleportation spell and redirects you back to where you just left, what do you do when you arrive?

Some Android
2018-07-10, 08:25 PM
Some jerk intercepts your teleportation spell and redirects you back to where you just left, what do you do when you arrive?

I try to spot Stan Lee because this is getting so ridiculous it sounds like an MCU film.

After trying to teleport away, you spot in a wormhole an elderly man with glasses and a mustache. He is dressed in spandex, teaching a yoga class, and keeps saying "Excelsior!" There are many colorful characters in his yoga class:
-A gold and red robot or person in a gold and red power suit
-A man dressed as the American flag with a large shield
-A large, muscular green giant wearing only tattered pants
-A guy with a bow you don't know why is there
-A guy in a black outfit that looks like a panther who speaks English but has a thick African accent
-A man with a goatee, red cape that allows him to fly, and keeps making magical glowing circles with his hands
-A bipedal raccoon who's cracking wise
-An anthropomorphic talking tree who keeps stating his name
-A guy who periodically shrinks to the size of an ant and sometimes turns into a giant

What do you do?*

*True believer?

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-07-10, 09:42 PM
>> Put down comic books

Having had your fill of Stan Lee's nonsense, you set down the colorful amalgam of picture and prose to look out the window.

It is a day like any other. The hot sun has successfully intimidated everyone else in your quiet suburban neighborhood; none dare venture out into its territory. The silence is broken only by the sst! sst! sst! of your neighbors' sprinkler as it struggles to revive the yellowing grass. You don't believe you have ever actually met your neighbors, as they, like you, seem to live their lives either indoors or at events elsewhere. However, with your internet and phone connections down, you suspect you have few other places to turn for assistance... and perhaps, friendship?

What do you do?

Doemse
2018-08-15, 05:49 AM
YEah, cool

LeMooseImperium
2018-08-21, 10:56 PM
It is a day like any other. The hot sun has successfully intimidated everyone else in your quiet suburban neighborhood; none dare venture out into its territory. The silence is broken only by the sst! sst! sst! of your neighbors' sprinkler as it struggles to revive the yellowing grass. You don't believe you have ever actually met your neighbors, as they, like you, seem to live their lives either indoors or at events elsewhere. However, with your internet and phone connections down, you suspect you have few other places to turn for assistance... and perhaps, friendship?

What do you do?

"What is an suburnets?" asks the wizard from Chult.

You have found yourself in a sticky situation--literally. The party wizard has accidentaly detonated an ooze nearby and caught you in the blast radius.
You had your mouth open at the time.
What do you do?

CosmicHobbit
2018-08-24, 03:37 PM
"What is an suburnets?" asks the wizard from Chult.

You have found yourself in a sticky situation--literally. The party wizard has accidentaly detonated an ooze nearby and caught you in the blast radius.
You had your mouth open at the time.
What do you do?

Ghesh, not being the smartest as well as being slightly insane, first checks if it tasted good. If so, "Sweet, ooze powers." If not, scrape it all off immediately. IMMEDIATELY

A person trying to become a god offers you a choice. Serve them, and become the most powerful creature in the universe (apart from the godhood-seeking-person), or suffer endlessly in his torture dungeon. Though you don't know how, you know he is telling the truth, and that serving him would not mean killing your friends.

mmotony
2018-08-25, 02:53 AM
Have you had enough of unreasonably high LA's and unplayable monsters in 3.5? Then check out the LA-assignment thread! Don't hesitate to give feedback!

Samba Mentality
2018-09-12, 09:07 AM
A person trying to become a god offers you a choice. Serve them, and become the most powerful creature in the universe (apart from the godhood-seeking-person), or suffer endlessly in his torture dungeon. Though you don't know how, you know he is telling the truth, and that serving him would not mean killing your friends.

My character, a devout cleric of Ilmater, would never take that opportunity. He would rather rot in a dungeon, being used to pain and torture, than take an offer from a god other than his own.

The situation: You’re in a meeting with the members of the leading council of a town. You know for a fact the government is very corrupt, and they take bribes and payoffs all the time. What do you do?

Rater202
2018-09-19, 12:51 PM
Kill them all and establish yourself as the new leader untill you can establish a not corrupt government.

A godlike being just killed your town's corrupt council and won't accept your bribes after installing himself. What do?

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-09-20, 04:50 AM
Well, I don't like that y'all killed them like that, but they were pretty awful. I guess I'm, uh... cautionly optionistic?

A news van pulls up to you from out of nowhere! A small TV crew piles out and their leader, obviously a reporter, shoves a microphone in your face and asks about your most recent adventure. What do?

jqavins
2018-09-21, 12:14 PM
"No comment. You can read the official report like everybody else. Get out of my face!"

You are heading into a walled town with your thief friend. The gate guard inspects your packs and discovers your friend's picks and tools. You friend offers the guard a bribe to ignore them, but it is paltry and unsuccessful. "Attempting to bribe a city guard is a serious crime" he says.

I proffered a very valuable gem and asked "How about succeeding to bribe a city guard?"

"No," said the guard, "that's not a crime at all."

(But it took a really big bribe to get out of that, and a much smaller one would have sufficed if it hadn't been insultingly small.)

Vivee
2018-10-01, 02:32 PM
"Yet another serious crime is searching through one's belongings without probable cause that they are wrongdoers. My friend is but a humble locksmith, and you would accuse them of common thievery? Shame on you. Why, I have half a mind to tell your superiors how you've treated my friend here."

Then I roll for bluff, because almost all of my characters have high bluff skills.


You are offered a deal from the devil, a hefty sum of platinum pieces for your soul. His terms and conditions are clearly lined out in the contract he offers you, so none can claim that he is attempting to trick you.

Rater202
2018-10-01, 07:41 PM
Kaaaa...! Meeee...! Haaaa...! Meeee!

Someone just exploded the Devil right in front of you.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-10-02, 03:31 PM
We were too late... this is all my fault...
Interesting. One despairs at the loss of The Devil?
Yes! No? I don't know... I thought these demons were a part of someone's psyche...
I see.
... So... are we supposed to kill them...?
One should not base one's actions on-
OKOK, supposed is a bad word... are they harmful or not?
Oh, yes. They are wretched alien beings and they incline any one who will listen to be a danger to themselves and others.
OK then...

Someone tests a new aura-cleansing spell on you and, whoops! Turns out it takes all of your worst ideas and tendencies and turns them into a shadowy duplicate bent on living out is demented dreams at your expense! What do?

jqavins
2018-10-02, 03:45 PM
(I capture it and hold it with me on a pad of the repaired transporter while Spock and Scotty use it to fuse me back together. No? OK, then this:)

I kill it.

It's night, and there's a big, bright full moon. Come to think of it, that's too bright. Holy crap! it's as bright as day. You realize that this can only be caused by a massive solar flare somewhere on the Earth-facing hemisphere of the sun, and it's quite possible that the entire planet has only minutes to live.

Vivee
2018-10-03, 02:59 PM
"Welp. We're screwed, time to spend my last moments with my family."


The local mute bum walks up to you, speaks the words "All will fall soon." Then just walks away.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-10-21, 12:48 AM
"Tell me something I don't know..." says Kimiko, the Vagrant Summoner.
"We don't know that he was mute. Just that he didn't talk to us," says Julie the Balloon Musician.
Natalie the Commoner Ranger still seems vaguely unsettled by all this, but she can ignore it if her friends can.
...but Leslie the Paranoid Scientist isn't having any of it and takes off after him. "Ah, what? Wait! Come back! What makes you say that?!"

The ghost of one of your ancestors shows up to speak with you! They tell you to go to a particular faraway land, where some manner of long-lost inheritance awaits you. They have time to answer one question of yours. Do you know who they are or what they might be trying to give you? What question do you ask?

CosmicHobbit
2018-10-25, 05:52 PM
I'm going to answer these questions one by one.

Do you know who they are...

Ghesh comes from a long line of paladins, so that's who they are. Could be his great-uncle Bill though. He was an alchemist. Let's just say his life went out with a bang.
Ivor probably sees a cook or brewmaster, his family business is a tavern where the family would cook hot meals and brew good ale.
Fluffy is a corgi. Pure-bred, so he sees a corgi. Probably just your average corgi though.

...or what they might be trying to give you?

Ghesh is probably getting a magic weapon connected to holiness in some way. Could be a legendary potion or something if it's Bill.
Ivor is probably getting magic wine or legendary cooking supplies.
Fluffy would probably get a squeaky toy or bone.

What question do you ask?What question do you ask?

Ghesh asks, "How is it guarded?"
Ivor probably asks if the item has any useful magic properties.
Well, Fluffy just sort of...yipped? However, I think he meant something along the lines of, "Will it taste good?"

Everyone in your party except for a paladin has been slain by the demon lord you're fighting. The demon lord says that he won't kill you if you kill the paladin. The paladin is adamant that if you help him fight, you can take down the demon lord together. What do you do? (Note: if you're a paladin, the paladin mentioned is just another paladin.)

VelociRapture12
2018-11-29, 12:54 PM
Dusting off his robe, Osiris turns to the paladin.
"I know that much. Draw your weapon and stand ready!" He turns to the Demon Lord His hands alight with magical energy
"This isn't our first fight." (Siding with the Paladin)
under his breath "Lord I hope I don't wake up in a basement."

You wake up in a basement with no recollection of who/what you are. What do you do?

jqavins
2018-11-29, 02:47 PM
Well, it doesn't matter which of Joe's characters I am, since not knowing who or what I am I also don't know what I can do. I yell for help and hope someone friendly hears me.

Your character is in a client's house or office. (A friend, a lord, and employer, whoever it is your character is likely to be helping with something.) From the basement comes a call for help. Neither you nor the client recognizes the voice.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-11-29, 04:07 PM
No matter how mundane you are, anyone who mysteriously appears with no memories is OBVIOUSLY important to the main plot, so we immediately accept you into the party and keep a close eye on you until the main villain inevitably kidnaps you and we have to rescue you from the castle before your blood can be extracted to blow up the universe or whatever.

You wake up in what appears to be a windowless a hospital room. A recording plays softly in the background, hypnotically suggesting that you had a normal, mundane life and that your past adventures never happened. You suspect that a stranger drugged you last night, but they mustn't have given you a big enough dose of whatever it was because you remember everything up to and including their face.

V: "I break the glass." :smalltongue:

CosmicHobbit
2018-11-30, 05:47 PM
Well, to put it simply, Baeshra is only in this for food. However, he knows that he'll no longer remember how to attack the bigger things if he forgets his adventures. So, long story short, Baeshra breaks out of the hospital, finds the person who did this, and makes a meat pie out of them.

It's fine, he's a lizardfolk chef. They do that from time to time.


You wake up in a cell away from all of the rest of the party. There are buttons in front of you which each say a party member's name, and there's a window overlooking the party, who are each in their own cells. You hear a voice come over the speakers that says you must pick one to die in order to save the rest. You will then be forced to watch your choice die. The group is made up of you, a lawful stupid paladin, a chaotic stupid rogue, a warlock who wants to destroy the world, and a cleric who is just a straight up jerk. You can only break the glass if you are literally the strongest thing in the world. Who do you sacrifice, and why?

Rater202
2018-12-01, 05:57 PM
"Mister Snuggles? We can summon hellfire, right?"

"Affirmative."

"Didn't say anything about melting the glass..."

The little girl you just tried to force into a Jigsaw killer/Trolly problem situation melted the glass and foiled your experiment. What do?

Dr.Gunsforhands
2018-12-01, 07:15 PM
GD: Why, that is just perfect!
GD: ~Indestructible Glass~ is thus demonstrated to remain a myth, unable to withstand the twin forces of determination and friendship.
GD: No one in their right mind would expect someone to actually die in that contrived scenario. Those buttons were but an empty temptation to call your loyalties into question.
GD: Needless to say, I am monitoring you via webcam from somewhere ~very~ far away.

You go home, or to your room in a tavern or wherever it is you intend to retire, but on entry you are greeted by someone who in their surprise and confusion quickly introduces themselves as you. You look the same, too; anyone you were sharing a room with seems to have believed them so far. What do?