Spells for the perfect housekeeper

[ILM]

Okay, things happened in my campaign and now I want to stat out an NPC who's really good at cleaning stuff, cooking, and so on. I'm looking for spells that'd aid him in that, for example: Prestidigitation, Unseen Servant (/Servant Horde), Heroes' Feast, etc. Any other ideas?

[Xerlith]

Disintegrate. For those pesky grease stains.

[Honjuden]

Guards and Wards to keep messy people out.

[nedz]

Mirage Arcana for when you want the place to look extra special, or just fancy a change of décor.

[Uncle Pine]

I'm surprised no one mentioned Prestidigitation yet. Seriously, it's a 0th level spell and it does exactly what you need. Even better, you can make a continuous item of it: the designated crafter NPC in my campaign actually sells Gloves of the maid™. They're white and look girlish, even the male version.

EDIT: I should learn to read the whole opening posts.

[Crake]

persistent time stop, for when the house needs to be cleaned RIGHT NOW!

[malonkey1]

If you're willing to use Shadow Conjuration cheese, you can create curtains, food, etc., that's more than 100% real! I can only assume that makes pillows fluffier and food tastier.

[atemu1234]

Use Prestidigitation to make BACON!

[Inevitability]

A few suggestions:

Create Water, for cleaning up, washing, boiling, brewing, and whatever else you can think of.

Owl's Wisdom, for that small bonus to Profession (Cook).

Detect Poison, for when you aren't sure about the edibility of that unmarked dish in a corner of your pantry.

Summon Monster, for when you are out of ingredients (fiendish calamari is still calamari).

Girallon's Blessing, to cook twice as fast.

Animate Dead. It says that when you create a skeleton, 'the meat falls off the corpse's bones'. Never have nasty little bones in your fish again! Bonus points for giving you a skeleton who can assist you.

Fire Trap, to ensure no one tries to steal your food. It can be cast on the lid of a pot, can't it?

[Pyon]

And when everything goes to hell, use Wish to clean your house instantly.

[BWR]

Go through the "Wizard's Spell Compendium" and "Encyclopedia Magica" books, and old issues of Dragon. There's plenty of stuff there. The self-cleaning diapers really tickled me.

[Uncle Pine]

Animate Dead. It says that when you create a skeleton, 'the meat falls off the corpse's bones'. Never have nasty little bones in your fish again! Bonus points for giving you a skeleton who can assist you.

This is genius. Does it mean that the perfect housekeeper/chef is a Warlock?

Small nitpick on Summon Monster: killed (even cooked) summoned monsters vanish, leaving your master's stomach empty and displeased. :smallannoyed:

[atemu1234]

This is genius. Does it mean that the perfect housekeeper/chef is a Warlock?

Small nitpick on Summon Monster: killed (even cooked) summoned monsters vanish, leaving your master's stomach empty and displeased. :smallannoyed:

Planar Binding, recast post digestion.

[Curmudgeon]

Create Food and Water creates bland food, which Prestidigitation can improve. (Or, if you're really serious about seasoning, whip up a Wall of Salt.) Leomund’s Tiny Hut, Leomund’s Secure Shelter/Leomund’s Hidden Shelter, and Mordenkainen’s Magnificent Mansion can create extra accommodation for unexpected guests.

[sakuuya]

Wall of salt. Not only is it, y'know, free salt, but it would be very helpful for curing meat.

[nedz]

Erase — for dealing with graffiti

[Fitz10019]

Haste (that's what Samantha on Bewitched used a lot.)

[mabriss lethe]

Give it a dark twist: Make them a bearer of Caput Mortuum from Weapons of Legacy. Everything you kill becomes an unseen servant at your disposal.

[nedz]

Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion because sometimes your house gets wrecked by uninvited guests — and you always want to be able to entertain.

[Duke of Urrel]

Wall of salt. Not only is it, y'know, free salt, but it would be very helpful for curing meat.

Food preservation is important for a frugal homemaker. You can freeze small quantities of food with the Ray of Frost spell. With a little ingenuity and the right equipment, the Ray of Frost spell can also be used to create various frozen treats. To deep-freeze larger quantities of food, use the Cone of Cold spell.

The Heat Metal spell, on the other hand, can be used on a metal spoon to boil water for an instant cup of tea. Maybe you can even construct an electricity-free toaster that requires only the Heat Metal spell to operate, though I'm sure this requires some Craft Kitchen Appliance skill.

[Dgrin]

Guards and Wards to keep messy people out.

Or Mindrape to make them useful :smallamused:

[MesiDoomstalker]

Control Wind and Control Weather for ensuring clothes dry quickly and lunch on the veranda are never interrupted by unwanted storms. Make Whole and Mending can be used for most of your handy man problems. Heat Metal can be used for all manners of water heating and boiling, though for baths you might need to have a specially constructed tub for that. Resist Energy (Fire) can bypass the need for oven mitts (most likely). Alarm can be used as an... alarm to get up early to do all the cleaning. Animate Object so you can have a Beauty and the Beast style set up where dishes wash themselves and such. Detect Thoughts to know what your guest REALLY think of your cooking. Dimension Door so you can be anywhere in an instant (what kind of housekeeper doesn't know the exact dimensions of their house to that they couldn't will themselves to the exact right spot everytime). Diminish Plants to always have a neatly trimmed and cut lawn and garden. Hold Portal to keep doors open when moving furniture (and Telekinesis to move furniture). Illusory Wall to keep your quarters hidden from view (a good housekeeper does not make their presence known... probably). Instant Summons on a few wands of these spells, for those occasions where spell spam is needed. Levitate can also be used to move furniture I suppose. Locate Object for when SOMETHING goes missing (cause something always goes missing). (Greater) Mage Hand for an extra... hand. Magic Mouth to greet guests at the door. Move Earth can do the bulk of landscaping. Open/Close so you can open up doors even with your hands full (though you'll want Eschew Materials and Still.... why this has a Focus and Somatic components is beyond me). Reverse Gravity is the fun way to clean the high places. Silence so you can go about cleaning at any hour of the day and not disturb anyone.

Thats all I got. I just looked through the SRD, sue me.