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Orm-Embar
2015-06-23, 08:08 AM
Since there's little to be learned from further interrogation, does the subject have any last requests?

It appears to be designed for one purpose only, but nothing made of cardboard could possibly survive the experience.

AvatarVecna
2015-06-30, 06:50 PM
"Honey, do you have any idea why is Calvin's cardboard box labeled 'Time Machine'?"

Well, it's obviously because I'm just a tad forgetful sometimes.

EDIT:

VV

By the Nine, that's a better lead-up question than I ever could've expected. :smallbiggrin:

Xihirli
2015-06-30, 07:45 PM
Why did you KILL this person, Carl!?

...All of this was here before I showed up.

Emperordaniel
2015-07-01, 02:45 AM
Why is the floor covered in goat blood?

I didn't even know you could tell the difference!

5a Violista
2015-07-03, 04:07 AM
Er...hey; did you replace your dog with an evil alien?


I like the ball in the sink. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zS-Gi5Z5zik) (I meant to start a war.)

KuReshtin
2015-07-08, 03:44 AM
Why haven't you done the dishes like I asked you to?

It started raining and I got mesmerized by it's beauty.

Xihirli
2015-07-08, 11:20 AM
Why haven't you mowed the lawn?

Yes. Probably. Possibly. Maybe. No.

Orm-Embar
2015-07-08, 02:55 PM
Yes. Probably. Possibly. Maybe. No.

"Hey mister, is that a real scimitar? Have you ever stabbed anyone with it? You look annoyed - are you annoyed? Got any gum? Can I have some?"

The rules don't quite cover this situation, now that you mention it.

Lheticus
2015-07-08, 05:47 PM
What's the saving throw for escaping the fallout from breaking the fourth wall?

If I don't, I'll never work in this town again!

AvatarVecna
2015-07-11, 01:55 PM
"Any particular reason you're wearing manacles, an oversized brassiere, and fishnet leggings?

Well when you put it that way, it sounds silly.

Xihirli
2015-07-11, 03:33 PM
Explain this to us again, RM: How can a plan that makes no sense succeed?

No. Except yes.

TheCountAlucard
2015-07-12, 11:58 PM
Are you here to kill me? (shoots twice)

Well, technically neither shot first - it was the gunner on that ship in the opening scene of the movie.

KuReshtin
2015-07-13, 06:53 AM
Did Private Ryan or one of his brothers fire the first bullet of the war?

Antiinflammatory tablets only help for so long, and you want to be careful so you don't get addicted.

Orm-Embar
2015-07-13, 07:40 AM
Asking for a friend, what would you recommend for an ancient horror unleashed upon the world to deal with constant nagging aches and pains - massive quantities of fresh blood, or heaping mounds of fresh brains?

The trees seem closer than they were a minute ago.

Xihirli
2015-07-13, 11:27 AM
What makes you suspect druids?

Some things are more important than money. This is not one of those things.

Prince Zahn
2015-07-24, 02:41 PM
Why in the 9 hells did you set my bank teller on fire?!

It was colonel mustard, in the matrix, with the magic missile!

AvatarVecna
2015-07-24, 02:51 PM
Best game of drunk Shadowrun ever! ...what are we doing again?

Look, this is our only option left. Now put the mask on and get to work.

Dire Moose
2015-07-25, 02:38 AM
You want me to demonstrate the effectiveness of this chainsaw HOW?

I'd prefer to keep all my body parts intact, thank you very much.

TheCountAlucard
2015-07-25, 09:14 AM
Did you ever get into vorpal sword-juggling?

Three fried eggs topped with shredded cheese!

Xihirli
2015-07-25, 10:31 AM
What weapon could possibly pierce the dragon's hide?

USE YOUR WEAPONS! THEY ARE DESIGNED TO INFLICT DAMAGE!

AvatarVecna
2015-07-25, 01:29 PM
WHO ATE THE LAST OF MY CHOCOLATE POP TARTS??!!!!

I know it doesn't look like it'll fit, but trust me when I say that it will.

Lheticus
2015-07-25, 02:25 PM
Are you quite sure you want to buy that dress?

I was trolling you, I didn't think you would actually do it!

TheCountAlucard
2015-07-25, 05:28 PM
Why do I have a receipt for The Phantom Menace? :eek:

Ten pixies.

Xihirli
2015-07-25, 08:43 PM
I bet five. Will you call or up the ante?

...No, not WITH them!

DungeonMaster77
2015-07-29, 08:49 AM
Look, the Duergar have already told you they will play fairly. Why won't you just try to play "juggle the poisoned daggers" with them?

Because if I do that the paladin would skin me alive, the druid would keel over with a heart attack because of the pigs, the wizard would figure out what happened to his spare spellbook, the cleric would try to exorcise me from now until the next life, and frankly, because I don't really want to!

Prince Zahn
2015-07-29, 10:10 AM
Have you considered taking runescribing lessons?

That's the law, here, either you take it as it is, or we take you to court.

Mythaos
2015-08-03, 08:05 PM
Look, how was I supposed to know not to feed the anaconda?

If you really think you can cook that.

Orm-Embar
2015-08-03, 08:35 PM
Are you hungry enough to eat a horse, including the hooves?

We'll have to get them all into the stadium while it's still overhead.

Xihirli
2015-08-04, 10:51 AM
Um... I think the sky is falling. Is the sky falling?

My outstretched arms demand answers!

Indarra
2015-08-04, 03:51 PM
Do you really want to know why no one will hug you?

I'm sorry. That was mean.

@V: Pelican, you're amazing.

Pelican
2015-08-04, 04:23 PM
Um, Dave...did you press the big red missile launch button while I was in the bathroom? What do you have to say for yourself?

Slugs, please.

KuReshtin
2015-08-05, 03:24 AM
Do you want slow smoked ribs with a side of crushed potatos and garlic seared green beans for your dinner, or would you rather just go out and collect some slugs from the garden?

The dehumidifier blew up and now the whole living room is flooded.

Xihirli
2015-08-05, 11:26 AM
So... why are you all on ladders again?

Oh. Oh not-even-a-tad-dear Lolth.

DungeonMaster77
2015-08-06, 09:46 AM
A drow priestess approaches you, saying "Thus sayeth the Lady Lolth: I have a new decree; if you be traitor, you will no longer be changed into a drider, but instead shall bathe nude in the sunlight with a dwarf. Art thou a traitor?"

Because, sir, thou art crunchy and goeth well with ketchup!

Prince Zahn
2015-08-06, 02:27 PM
Why must -I- goeth and face this crimson dragon without thine aid?

Because I said so! *blows raspberry*

Lheticus
2015-08-06, 02:29 PM
You're not going to let me poke that dragon with a stick?! But WHY?!

Even as monsters go, it's not often you run across one whose weak spot is its TONGUE.

Xihirli
2015-08-06, 03:42 PM
What was so memorable about the Water Temple mini-boss in Twilight Princess?

Maybe because the only times I'm not thinking what it is you aren't saying is when you're thinking but I'm talking.

Orm-Embar
2015-08-06, 05:43 PM
Why must you always put words in my mouth?

This time is almost certainly the last time.

IZ42
2015-08-07, 09:07 PM
Are you quite done with punching poor defenseless sharks in the face?

No regrets whatsoever.

Mythaos
2015-08-08, 09:59 AM
You do realize the senior citizen's center will want that turkey back?

Eh, I'm not impressed.

Xihirli
2015-08-08, 10:38 AM
Did you absorb the evil of five of the most evil beings in the word (including yourself, somehow)? Huh?

First, and I mean this in all sincerity, you are an idiot. This plan, much like all your other ones, is unnecessarily complex unto impossibility. In conclusion, your intellect is lacking and your personal hygiene is poor.

Prince Zahn
2015-08-08, 03:02 PM
What makes you think my toenail-powered rocket can't fly to Pluto?:smallmad:

... I've heard enough - You're fired.

Indarra
2015-08-08, 04:22 PM
So, after I blew up the icee machine, shot a customer, and set fire to all of our chain stores, should I have charged that man for taking everything from the cash register?

I did not know that it was possible to succeed to that degree.

KuReshtin
2015-08-10, 02:49 AM
So, this thing happened while I was out playing golf the other day. While teeing off, I hooked my drive wildly and the ball headed toward the nearby club house restaurant where it hit a man who was choking on a piece of steak in the back, dislodging the piece of steak, bounced back onto the fairway where a seagull dived down and grabbed ball and started to carry it away toward the green, where it dropped the ball ont a rock hazard where my ball ricocheted toward the green and casually rolled into the cup for a hole in one. Can you frickin' believe it?


In my opinion, cricket has to be the best hangover sport in the world, since you can casually watch it, fall asleep for an hour or two, and when you wake up, nothing's happened. Unless it's this year's Ashes, where the Aussies were out before the lunch break, of course.

Xihirli
2015-08-10, 02:50 PM
What's for lunch?

Alas, quantum mechanics plan Alpha, the day was not ours.

Elenna
2015-08-10, 03:41 PM
Why do we have two dead cats and a box labeled Teleporter Machine?

Look, all the pretty colors!

AvatarVecna
2015-08-10, 06:15 PM
Okay, what crazy mage puts a Prismatic Wall in a mirror maze?! I actually did this to my players in a game, although they the game didn't end up getting far enough for them to try and run through it, unfortunately.
Well, unless you've got a better idea, the only way to do it is to ride this souped up motorcycle down that ramp and over those twelve school buses full of sharks.

Indarra
2015-08-10, 07:47 PM
So... you want me to jump the sharks?

I love you, and I think we can get through this.

IZ42
2015-08-10, 08:10 PM
I just can't stop punching sharks! Help me!


I really shouldn't have brought it up.

Xihirli
2015-08-10, 10:44 PM
Did... did you just say the other four gates!?

I didn't need all those teeth anyway.

AvatarVecna
2015-08-11, 12:12 AM
Henry, this has got to stop. You are not the tooth fairy, and I'm tired of bailing you out whenever parents have you tossed in jail for breaking into their kids bedrooms.

Look, it was only one box, can't you cut me some slack?

Indarra
2015-08-11, 03:37 PM
I think maybe you're doing this backwards?

I never want to see you again. And I love your hat.

Gllibird
2015-08-20, 11:07 PM
What did your last girlfriend say to you before moving to Antarctica?

No, I'm going wabbit hunting.

Prince Zahn
2015-08-21, 06:22 AM
Off hunting fo a duck, aw we?

....I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer.

Xihirli
2015-08-22, 07:37 AM
How can a plan that has basis in logic and reality possibly work!?

First, we needlessly argue over petty things. Then we move onto injuring each other in disproportionately violent fashions to the crime committed.

Orm-Embar
2015-08-22, 12:47 PM
So, this Three Stooges movie you're co-starring in, what's the plot going to be?

Almost instantly, using nothing more than this twice-folded sheet of paper.

KuReshtin
2015-08-26, 06:55 AM
How did you stem the blood flow from that paper cut?

The use of flags to lay claim to a plot of land has been used for centuries. so all I need to do to claim an island ad my own is to figure out a flag and then stick a pole in the ground.

Elenna
2015-08-26, 08:26 AM
Where exactly were you planning on starting this giant dragon colony?

With great care and finesse.

Lheticus
2015-08-26, 08:41 AM
How in the world did you actually get that out of the dragon's hoard?!

A half demi Demi...Moore.

Prince Zahn
2015-08-26, 02:13 PM
What could you trade me for 2 fifths of a Nicholas Cage?

...It's about time you figured it out, I didn't know how much longer I could keep lying to your beautiful face!

@VV Blue Ghost! I haven't seen you in ages!

Blue Ghost
2015-08-26, 05:25 PM
Why is your closet full of moose suits?

Seven or eight, I believe. Either that or 42,000.

AvatarVecna
2015-08-26, 05:43 PM
How many sticks of dynamite would it take to level this building?

I don't think you'll need more than two, maybe three trips back and forth.

Xihirli
2015-08-26, 08:42 PM
And how shall I prepare your lunch, sir?

I think the idiot celestial who made this thing forgot that handles aren't made out of pain.

Demon Prince
2015-08-29, 07:19 AM
How are you liking the new spiked cudgel I got for you, dear?

I can't believe this guy.

Prince Zahn
2015-08-29, 10:07 AM
Pfft! Can you believe this guy?


The Square Root of Pie Alpha quite a delicacy this season.

Gllibird
2015-08-29, 11:18 AM
So, what are you wanting to eat today?


It will kill you

Indarra
2015-08-29, 02:00 PM
Awww! Who's your friend?

I still love you. Whatever happens, remember that I loved you the whole time.

AvatarVecna
2015-08-29, 02:39 PM
Who is that hussy you're kneeling over, and why is she tied to that alter?!

You're overreacting, it isn't that addictive.

Lheticus
2015-08-29, 04:16 PM
Why do I feel like I literally can't live without more of this stuff now?!

Generic common noun.

Xihirli
2015-09-01, 04:29 PM
What is the worst possible answer to this question?

That's it, I've had enough. This whole adventure has been nothing but pointless build ups toward pay offs that never happen.

necrochicken
2015-09-02, 09:01 AM
Oh! a sideQuest! what fun! you WILL come, Right?

Oh well- the pinappleChicken WILL get better.

Indarra
2015-09-08, 04:27 PM
You caused... an apocalypse... of millions of potatoes... WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!?

I accept full responsibility and put myself at your mercy.

Orm-Embar
2015-09-08, 05:44 PM
Did you buy 2% milk instead of skim?

You forget, taxes aren't due until the end of the current quarter, and besides, you have no trigger finger.

Xihirli
2015-09-18, 07:55 PM
Can we shoot the IRS? Please?

Forgive me if I fall asleep. No, I'm not tired. I'm just apologizing in advance in case your boring chatter sends me to dreamland.

Elenna
2015-09-19, 12:27 AM
Do you want to talk about something other than drows, stabbing, and drows who stab people?

Don't worry, I'm sure it'll come back eventually. We just need to avoid the apocalypse beforehand.

Dire Moose
2015-09-21, 02:36 AM
Why did you kill my dog?

No, that was an evil version of me from an alternate universe.

Dudeons
2015-09-22, 12:46 PM
Are you the one who TP'd my house with human intestines?

Only if you're good.

Prince Zahn
2015-09-22, 01:13 PM
Can I stab Xihirli one mowe time, daddy? Pwetty pwease?


Someday you'll look back at this and hate me for it, but just enjoy the ride for now.

AvatarVecna
2015-09-22, 02:46 PM
Why must you keep stabbing Xihirli so frequently?!

It's kinda like chocolate chips: you can't just stop with one, you need a bunch of them.

Indarra
2015-09-22, 05:49 PM
Tell me the truth, hank. HOW MANY people are you dating?

My heart will always belong to you. You murderer and thief.

Xihirli
2015-09-24, 07:41 PM
So... You DIDN'T want to be an organ donor?

Yeah, if you treat them like equals, it'll only encourage them to think they are your equals.

necrochicken
2015-09-25, 06:56 AM
Those Rats are a serious problem, Don't invite them over tonight.

The Cosmic lord of destruction WAS awfully nice...

Dire Moose
2015-09-25, 10:25 PM
OK, please explain, in detail, why you decided to perform the Great Ritual of the Apocalypse and doom us all.

All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving crazed weasels.

@V: I'm glad you got the reference.

AvatarVecna
2015-09-25, 11:00 PM
Well in that case...in that case, what do you have?

But...but...it's my favorite! Don't make me choose!

Xihirli
2015-09-26, 12:54 AM
Your money, or your life!?

Oh, him? He went home. Forever.

Hexblade
2015-09-28, 04:07 PM
So... What happened to Xihirli..?







Han Solo, Han Duet, Han Trio, Han Quartet, and Han Choir.

Emperordaniel
2015-09-30, 08:35 PM
What are you planning to do once you clone Harrison Ford?

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Indarra
2015-10-02, 05:47 PM
What do you mean? An African swallow or a European swallow?

That is pretty funny...

Xihirli
2015-10-02, 11:05 PM
And then the duck said; "I murdered your entire race!"
The dodo asked; "what about me?"
The duck nodded enthusiastically.
"But I'm not..."
*Meteor Swarm*

http://media.makeameme.org/created/250/i-stab-xihirli.jpg

Dire Moose
2015-10-02, 11:21 PM
OK, it's just you and Xihirli facing the angry Pit Fiend. What will you do?

Ooh, I didn't even know they could fit it in there!

Dudeons
2015-10-02, 11:49 PM
Are salad forks designed to do that?!

Walking the path of Heaven, the man who will rule over everything.

Enero Irontoad
2015-10-03, 12:50 AM
Who's that wacko in the foil hat and what's he doing?

Whatever it is, it isn't neutral-aligned.

Emperordaniel
2015-10-03, 06:31 AM
Did you hear about the new taco ingredient they're adding this year?

Kill it with ice!

Xihirli
2015-10-03, 12:09 PM
My coffee is too hot.

http://media.makeameme.org/created/250/tricked.jpg

Hexblade
2015-10-03, 12:42 PM
Why did you sell your soul?

Ba-Dum-Tsh

Emperordaniel
2015-10-04, 07:12 AM
Was that your... soul reason for doing that?

Mmm, tasty.

Silent_Interim
2015-10-09, 06:43 PM
So what's human flesh like?

Three human elbows.

Orm-Embar
2015-10-09, 06:57 PM
What am I bid for this secret fried chicken recipe?

You really shouldn't staple those together.

Xihirli
2015-10-09, 07:44 PM
Ahahahah! Die, orphans! DIE!

http://media.makeameme.org/created/250/3s81y2.jpg

Emperordaniel
2015-10-10, 11:06 AM
Were you thinking of perhaps reforming and becoming a Good alignment?

I am a pizza!

Prince Zahn
2015-10-10, 11:26 PM
You took the "which fast food are you" quiz, right? What'cha get?

Y'know, If anyone else asked me that, I would have been more honest with 'em.

AvatarVecna
2015-10-11, 12:39 AM
I thought you said those weasels were docile?!

Well of course I didn't stick it in, it was far too large to fit.

Xihirli
2015-10-11, 06:02 PM
http://media.makeameme.org/created/uvf2xg.jpg

http://media.makeameme.org/created/250/v06leq.jpg

Elenna
2015-10-25, 11:54 AM
Are you seriously using the word "smote" when describing your evil plans?

I'll be back! ...Eventually.

Dudeons
2015-10-26, 03:35 PM
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the end of the third Terminator movie?

My body is ready!

Dire Moose
2015-10-26, 11:34 PM
How about I remove your internal organs and use them as Christmas Tree ornaments?

Not with MY hat, you don't.

Indarra
2015-10-29, 06:51 PM
Would you like me to bake you a cake?

Nine.
Eight.

Insane Trystane
2015-10-31, 09:46 PM
Er, Doc... HOW long did you say I have to live, again?

Thirteen, because it's red.

Xihirli
2015-11-01, 01:11 PM
And which number is the inspired word of Lolth, again?

http://media.makeameme.org/created/250/46z160.jpg

KuReshtin
2015-11-02, 04:11 AM
Why is it so hard to find a girlfriend?

The societal and technological changes over the past 150 years or so has taught us several important lessons about how we as a species function, not to mention give everyone lots of new techy toys to play with.

Prince Zahn
2015-11-02, 04:27 AM
How come every human being on earth and their grandmas drive on the same road during rush hour?:smallannoyed:

Yes, but only this once.

Insane Trystane
2015-11-03, 10:49 AM
Have you read the Terms and Conditions?

I mean, I can't really remember. Doesn't seem like it ought to.

Emperordaniel
2015-11-03, 01:54 PM
Are you sure the radio's supposed to be broadcasting the "We're all going to die" signal?

What.

KuReshtin
2015-11-04, 04:52 AM
What's the sixth basic question alongside 'who', 'when', why', 'how', and 'where'?

The person posting below me in this thread, obviously.

Prince Zahn
2015-11-04, 05:20 AM
Who is the true king of Raine (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?452111-The-kingdom-of-Raine-A-game-about-plotting-and-backstabing)?

See, that is what happens when you don't listen to me.

Drynwyn
2015-11-08, 06:22 PM
Do you know where everyone's shoes went?

Twelve spherical cows.

Dudeons
2015-11-08, 06:33 PM
How would you explain capitalism in America?

I am the Box Ghost! BEWARE!

Insane Trystane
2015-11-08, 09:42 PM
If you could be any supernatural entity, dead or alive, which would you pick?

Puns. Seventeen thousand puns.

Prince Zahn
2015-11-09, 12:54 AM
Tell me, what do you propose the state could do to address this economic crisis?

If this ever happens again, try putting down the antipasti and just call the gosh darned police.

Emperordaniel
2015-11-09, 01:41 AM
Why are there elephants in the refridgerator?

Well, it only happened because you are my origin story!

Dire Moose
2015-11-19, 09:38 PM
You let me get killed by a mysterious Dark Lord just so you could spend the rest of your life figuring out who he was so you could avenge me? Seriously?

SHUT DOWN ALL THE GARBAGE MASHERS ON THE DETENTION LEVEL!

Dudeons
2015-11-20, 02:49 AM
What is the most practical Star Wars quote you can think of?

From start to finish, I'm always at a climax!

lurkmeister
2015-11-22, 02:53 AM
How would you describe a plateau?

Nothing is scarier!

Prince Zahn
2015-11-22, 03:24 AM
I have a present for you, don't you just love furbies???


Alright, Alright! I'll buy one if you just GO AWAY!

Xihirli
2015-11-26, 07:35 PM
Hello, sir. Would you like to hear about our lord and savior, Lolth?

http://media.makeameme.org/created/250/6vsvus.jpg

Red Planet
2015-11-29, 11:43 AM
What did that fired doctor actually say to the patient?

Two pianos and a shelving unit.

backwaterj
2015-12-11, 02:11 AM
Okay, beside the bassoon, jaw harp, and ukulele, what other instruments are in your metal band?

For the love of God NOT THAT ONE!

Bobblit
2016-01-14, 10:39 AM
Is this one the big red button I'm supposed to be pushing?

Yes, but only if you drink the right brand of shampoo.

Xihirli
2016-01-19, 11:40 PM
http://media.makeameme.org/created/9pb7o3.jpg

http://media.makeameme.org/created/9dlkvy.jpg

Dudeons
2016-01-20, 12:16 AM
I thought we were using this trope (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BackToBackBadasses)!

Then I took an arrow to the knee.

Emperordaniel
2016-01-20, 06:37 PM
Did you know, I used to be an adventurer like you?

I told you the rocket didn't have enough Δv to reach orbit!

Bobblit
2016-01-24, 12:02 PM
How did this go so wrong so fast?

The scientific committee.

Xihirli
2016-01-24, 03:46 PM
http://media.makeameme.org/created/250/62kzz7.jpg

http://media.makeameme.org/created/250/7llih8.jpg