View Full Version : TPAY/TPBY Reverse Questioning II: The Reversening

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Dire Moose
2014-12-30, 11:01 PM
As Basket of Puppies put it,

"The game is simple. I give an answer, then TPBM asks a question pertaining to my answer, giving an answer for the person below them to make a question for, and so on."

Quick, how can we avoid these deadly fireballs?!

Because there ARE no rules.

How can your character possibly use Sleight of Hand to steal the DM's... wait, where are my dice?

The angry red dragon disagrees.

2014-12-31, 06:52 AM

Up, up, and away!

2015-01-02, 08:16 AM
Where did the helium-filled balloons that we had prepared for the party go?

Flash-floods are usually a pretty definite sign that it's been raining somewhere.

2015-01-02, 10:06 AM
Would you just explain why the whole village just floated away overnight?

I'm sure it has something to do with easels.

(That was supposed to be weasels, but I'm ok with the type :smallwink:)

2015-01-02, 01:58 PM
How did the Art Shop Psycho manage to kill that many people?

It was a stoat.

2015-01-03, 03:11 PM
Who kissed me when the lights went out?!?!??

Three dozen handfuls of tarantulas.

2015-01-03, 04:11 PM
What's the most uncomfortable thing you can think of to shove down Dudeon's shorts?

It's like a Kit-Kat bar, but it's not a Kit-Kat bar.

2015-01-03, 04:30 PM
What do you think of the new Kattikittaclysm (copyright pending) Bar being marketed by the Overlord?

I can't say for certain, but I'd swear it was a ribbon.

2015-01-03, 06:23 PM
What's that equipment in multiple Final Fantasy games that gives you like, a bajillion status ailment immunities?

Even if all that WAS true, it wouldn't even matter.

2015-01-05, 08:06 AM
What's your opinion on the new research that you could walk on the sun if only you traveled there at night?

When he opened the door, there was only a 1970's style Cobra telephone and nothing else.

2015-01-05, 08:44 PM
How should I start my novel?

How quaint.

2015-01-05, 09:28 PM
I'm gonna shove these three dozen handfuls of tarantulas down your pants, 'kay?

For that, you get a Tootsie Roll Pop. :smallsmile:

Dire Moose
2015-01-13, 12:42 AM
I just spent the entire day sacrificing puppies to Asmodeus. What happens now?

It's in the fridge behind the milk.

2015-01-13, 06:20 AM
Will they ever find that missing spleen in the book? No, wait. Don't tell me. I don't want to know.

After the game, they took a helicopter to the airport, and then a bus to Portland.

2015-01-13, 10:08 AM
Where have all the flowers gone?

Just make the coffee and nobody gets hurt.

2015-01-13, 12:10 PM
Oh, so you brought a SWAT team to Starbucks, but you forgot your wallet?

I feel nothing but hatred. And slight nausea.

2015-01-13, 12:49 PM
Did you like that maggot cheese I sent you?

Ewwww... I didn't know you could do THAT!

2015-01-13, 03:16 PM
Ever seen a bruise from a frozen paintball?


This is why I don't play paintball with you anymore.

2015-01-13, 03:17 PM
Why do you keep talking about paintball?

You literally have got to be kidding me. It is literally impossible for you to say that except as kidding.

2015-01-16, 01:17 AM
Where's the 'reply to thread' button?

Because there are nine of them

2015-01-16, 08:42 AM
Why is it impossible for you to feed chocolate bars to the masses?

Some days you just have to go ahead and eat.

2015-01-16, 05:22 PM
Why is your belly so big today?

I'm pretty sure I'm not a cat.

2015-01-17, 07:27 PM
Hey, I got a broomstick and a pointy hat. Now what?

By your powers combined, I am PLATYPUS!

Targ Collective
2015-01-18, 11:53 AM
We are Duck, Snake and Otter!

By your powers combined, I am *various agonised screams*

Dire Moose
2015-01-20, 03:18 PM
I wonder what would happen if I put all these superheroes in a blender.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds.

2015-01-20, 03:28 PM
Hey, how'd the weekend go?

Snow. Just more and more. Then it melts and then there's more.

2015-01-20, 04:05 PM
When is a tribble like snow?

With my own two hands.

2015-01-20, 04:46 PM
Dude...that's a freaking dragon. How in the world are you gonna beat that thing?!

I only said it for the reference.

Dire Moose
2015-01-20, 08:11 PM
What did Colossal Cave Adventure have to do with the previous post? :smallwink:

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.

2015-01-20, 11:00 PM
What does my mother's purse look like inside?

It was quite splendid, actually.

2015-01-21, 12:11 AM
Wasn't that the most uncomfortable conversation you've ever had?

That was a metaphor, you idiot!

2015-01-21, 03:08 AM
Did you end up trying that garden slug slushie from that weird new slushie place?

The forum is a constant reminder that I'm not the weirdest person online.

Targ Collective
2015-01-21, 07:33 AM
I'm invisible!


I'm invisible!

Dire Moose
2015-01-22, 12:08 AM
How did you become so good at hide and seek?

That is NOT how you were supposed to use it.

2015-01-23, 05:20 PM
That thing you lent me broke when I used it as a toilet plunger - what should I do?

Actually, they're discounted right now - you can get two cans for $1.50!

2015-01-25, 06:40 AM
Why are the cans of orphan boys so much more expensive that the cans of orphan girls? Is this sexism?

I'll add 100 baby penguins.

Cyber Punk
2015-01-25, 12:51 PM
I wanted my money's worth, not a sick penguin that had two days to live. I need some good compensation, or I'll sue you! What are you going to do about that?

No, actually that is a banana.

2015-01-25, 01:56 PM
He's got a gun! Open fire!

Muffin button.

Cyber Punk
2015-01-25, 03:33 PM
Which button do I press to make anything taste like it was baked?

I wanted to... but then I didn't. In the end, I did.

2015-01-25, 06:11 PM
Didja read about the Three Post Rule?

That's okay, we all do it sometimes.

2015-01-25, 11:28 PM
I finally managed to kill the fifty guards required to get the key to the cell, and I accidentally gave it to a little girl! I killed her to get it back, but somehow her corpse didn't have the key! Must I kill another fifty guards again? Why am I so dumb?

(...video game logic)

Remove your shirt.

2015-01-25, 11:43 PM
What should I do to get people to like me? :smallfrown:

Yes, but then I'd have to go back and check every day.

Dire Moose
2015-02-03, 04:30 PM
If you're worried that the dragon is too powerful for you, couldn't you just set up a giant mousetrap baited with treasure?

50 gallons of alchemist's fire.

2015-02-03, 06:36 PM
What is exactly was in that cargo hold?

Cthulhu did it!

2015-02-04, 02:28 AM
Who knocked over a glass of wine all over the living room carpet and didn't clean it up?:smallfurious:

Please restate request. Insufficient parameters.

2015-02-04, 03:07 AM
What is love?

Needs more salt.

Sgt. Cookie
2015-02-04, 08:02 AM
Any idea why this mummification didn't work?

Well, I DID say that room was filled with nothing but sharks and women.

2015-02-04, 08:24 AM
Why didn't you tell them there was a never-ending card game going on over there?

It's a big blue box.

2015-02-04, 09:16 AM
What is the TARDIS and why does everyone keep talking about it?

I need an egg.

2015-02-04, 11:38 AM
What are you doing in my icebox? :smallfurious:

Those guys at CinemaSins.

2015-02-12, 12:50 AM
Where are you getting all of these opinions on popular movies from? :smallconfused:

Alright, fine, but just this once.

The Second
2015-02-12, 01:54 AM
Would you explain to me again how you plan to kill fifty flesh eating zombies, a mutant wombat the size of a houseboat, three rabid field mice, a moose, and a flying squirrel with nothing but a potato peeler, a shoe sting, and a wad of chewing gum?

Well, that used to be my elbow.

2015-02-12, 08:59 AM
Did you see this strange hinged device I found out by the barn?

I think it might be a little more complicated than that.

2015-02-12, 05:14 PM
See, isn't it easy to put a rocket into orbit?


Dire Moose
2015-02-13, 12:17 AM
I accidentally got my foot stuck in a giant carnivorous plant. A little help here?

That's the last time I let you play in my campaign.

The Second
2015-02-13, 03:33 AM
Mind if I eat the last slice of pizza?

That will haunt me for the rest of my life.

2015-02-13, 09:04 AM
Did the fighter just teach our wizard how to cast a fireball?

You know what, just go ahead with it.

2015-02-13, 04:40 PM
So, any thoughts about my master plan to take over the world?

A wizard DIDN'T do it.

2015-02-13, 04:55 PM
Where do babies come from?

Sonic boom!

The Second
2015-02-14, 01:14 AM
Did you really just eat an entire gallon of baked beans?

It was either Batman, Iron Man, or Wonder Woman.

2015-02-16, 03:43 AM
Who convinced Superman that it would be a good idea flying around Metropolis NAKED?

I've got 99 problems and the network being down is most definitely one of them.

Targ Collective
2015-02-16, 07:40 PM
Please input network address - network not found. State nature of problem.


Ahoy mateys! Who fancies a flagon of grog?!?

2015-02-16, 09:36 PM
Remind me again--what was that drink that was so nasty it actually corrodes the containers it's drank out of?

No no no, you got it all wrong! That goes THERE and that weird knobby thing goes over THERE!

The Second
2015-02-16, 10:02 PM
So, Kodos, what do you think of my new book, 'The Illustrated Guide To Human Mating Rituals'?

She's in the ER right now.

Dire Moose
2015-02-16, 11:18 PM
So how did it go? Did your sister like my homemade cookies? I figured the special ingredient might be a bit temperamental.

Professor Plum with the Revolver in the Dining Room.

Targ Collective
2015-02-17, 12:38 AM
I place a hotel on Mornington Crescent. Because Discworld Monopoly rules. What game are you playing?

Oh dear, I appear to be ON FIRE. What an unexpected turn of events this is, to be sure.

V Oh my goodness, that's brilliant! :D

2015-02-17, 02:33 PM
I wonder what would happen if the Human Torch tried to be sarcastic?

Oh please. With your "skills", you're not even on the same plane of existence as me!

2015-02-17, 07:07 PM
Hey, check out my Plane Shift SLA! Shadow Plane! Ethereal Plane! Positive! Negative! Astral! Oops. Abyss.

So that's where my spellbook went!

Dire Moose
2015-02-18, 12:07 AM
I completely ran out of toilet paper. What was I supposed to do?

That was only fun in a Dwarf Fortress sense of the word "fun."

2015-02-18, 12:33 AM
I thought you liked playing no-hands catch with a hand grenade.

Hold my stuff, I need to do something awesome.

Targ Collective
2015-02-18, 12:49 AM
When did it all go wrong?


Aarggh! It's all gone wrong!

2015-02-18, 05:12 AM
I decided to clean up the house, so I threw away the old books of Harry Potter and LotR, and bought Twilight. How do you like it?

No, penguins will not help.

2015-02-18, 05:59 AM
Do you think we'd get more support for our cause if we ask Burgess Meredith, Danny DeVito and Robin Lord Taylor to help with our advertising campaign?

Thinking up answers to unasked questions is tough, man.

2015-02-20, 09:27 AM
What's the hardest part of this thread for you?

You'll need to move it about a foot to the left, and then buy me three Egg McMuffins.

Dire Moose
2015-02-20, 12:06 PM
Help! I'm being eaten by a shoggoth! What do I do?

Actually, they're quite cuddly and make great pets.

2015-02-20, 04:33 PM
Aren't were-porcupines dangerous?

Wait, I know this one! It's a rat juggling a tube of toothpaste!

2015-02-20, 05:07 PM
What is the dumbest thing you've ever heard while playing Pictionary?


2015-02-20, 09:06 PM
How do you plan on paying for all this pizza?

Outside the universe, where parallel lines cross, Satan takes a dogsled to work, and world peace has been attained.

2015-02-25, 10:19 AM
What would a dyslexic's utopia be like?

The meat pies are made of elf!

Dire Moose
2015-02-25, 10:58 AM
Why is this tavern so popular with dragons?

I'm attacking the darkness!

2015-02-25, 11:03 AM
Why are you standing outside in your underwear?


2015-02-25, 11:39 PM
What did you say the BBEG's weakness was again?

Just pass the tea and milk already.

2015-03-10, 07:22 PM
It's time to milk the cow, but I don't have anywhere to put my tea! What should I do?

3 gallons of Adams chunky peanut butter.

2015-03-10, 07:35 PM
All right, I got these ingredients for the "PB&J fit for a Dragon" recipe:

2 King sized mattress slices Wonderbread
5 gallons Aldi grape jelly

What was that last thing?

It's on page 147.

2015-03-10, 08:01 PM
Where can I find the spell for world destruction?

So that's where my necronomicon was!

2015-03-10, 08:43 PM
Hey, any idea of what's up with this Bag of Holding that keeps biting my fingers when I try to take anything from It?

Kill everyone. That's the only solution.

@V I've known games where that stuff happens all the time. NPC needs flour? Kill everyone you see until someone randomly drops a bag of that stuff! Including the very guy who wanted to bake cookies!

2015-03-10, 11:08 PM
What should we do if we run out of flour?

Teaspoon of Butterflies.

Combat Reflexes
2015-03-11, 10:27 AM
It's 5 AM in the morning, my paper is only half finished and I'm all out of sugar for my coffee! I need something sweet as a replacement, but what?

Just graft on some new arms.

2015-03-11, 12:20 PM
I just beat a Wookie in a game of strategy! Now what do I do?

And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!

2015-03-11, 02:45 PM
Well, we've caught and unmasked you as the monster. Now...I'm SURE there's something you're supposed to say right about now, could you be a dear?

Oh all right! It wasn't THAT bad!

2015-03-11, 11:11 PM
Oh all right! It wasn't THAT bad!

Why did you allow the Kender in the campaign?! :smallfurious:

Alice and Bob, sitting in a tree...

Dire Moose
2015-03-13, 11:00 PM
Why was that lumberjack charged with murder?

An entire inventory full of ORCUS!

2015-03-13, 11:51 PM
What was the shopkeeper's punishment for optimizing his character?

Probably nothing more than 3 ounces of boron.

2015-03-17, 01:04 AM
What do we need to fire this rocket into space?

But those muscles...

2015-03-18, 10:15 AM
How many times do we have to remind you the sign says "DO NOT TOUCH THE EXHIBITS"?

It started with the castle.

2015-03-18, 02:53 PM
So, why DOES Mario have to go through all that trouble to save the princess?

If you really think about it, you already know the answer to that question.

2015-03-18, 03:22 PM
Do I really want to continue posting in this thread?

Seven, but I use different units.

Dire Moose
2015-03-18, 08:54 PM
Just how many people do you plan on killing with that thing?

In the very heart of Mount Doom.

2015-03-18, 09:12 PM
What place could possibly destroy The Nokia?

Not my phone, idiot!

2015-03-18, 09:26 PM
Me just go on mashed potato and jam rampage, and me STILL HUNGRY. Me eat next object I see... ooooooh, what that?!?

Mmm, those paper clips sure are sexy.

2015-03-19, 09:49 AM
What are you thinking right now?

I saw a dinosaur!

2015-03-19, 11:50 AM
"And Littlefoot (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_The_Land_Before_Time_characters), what did you do on your summer vacation?"

3 pinatas, 2 pieces of pound cake, and a detailed list of where everyone in this forum keeps their skeletons buried."

2015-03-19, 02:02 PM
I want to meet the Giant in person. What do you need to make that happen?

Pumpkins. Lots and lots of pumpkins.

2015-03-19, 02:57 PM
What did the chicken need to cross the road?

I know what you did.

2015-03-23, 06:22 AM
Why are you looking at me all funny, like?

The rainbow ended right at the bow of the war ship.

Dire Moose
2015-03-23, 10:10 AM
How did you find out about the Leprechaun Navy?

Any answer would be too offensive for this forum.

2015-03-23, 12:39 PM
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers, Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

A chinchilla riding a dire french fry.

2015-03-23, 05:05 PM
What do you see when you're on Acid Arrow?

I request the highest of fives.

2015-03-23, 07:14 PM
What reward would you like in return for risking your own life to save the kingdom?

It was because the baby otter had six arms.

2015-03-23, 09:18 PM
Why did you flood the zoo with toxic gas?

Yes, please!

2015-03-23, 10:33 PM
Should I completely waste this chance to have an emperor agree to whatever I say?

Five elks and a canoe full of tuna.

Dire Moose
2015-03-24, 12:53 AM
So I heard you went to Canada recently. Did you bring back anything interesting?


2015-03-24, 01:35 PM
Alright, it's time for roll call! Um... how do you pronounce this name? Kan? Kun?

Henshin! *insert transformation sequence*

2015-03-31, 08:30 PM
Boy, do you know it's your turn to prepare dinner?

I get it already!

2015-03-31, 10:52 PM
And so.... hahaha.... the chicken, don't you see...hehe.... it wanted <snort> the other.... hoohoohooo.... I mean, don't you see.... AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

7 mega-evils.

Laughing Dog
2015-04-01, 10:15 PM
How much power do we need to unleash all Baator on these fools?

I still have more than -10 hp!

2015-04-02, 03:56 AM
Do you need a healing spell cast, or are you ok for another round or two?

I prefer cake with freshly whipped cream, some jam and fresh fruit. Don't like marzipan, though.

2015-04-06, 04:33 AM
What do you usually use to destroy these eldritch adominations?

The cake's a lie after all!

2015-04-06, 11:34 AM
What did the golfer say after hitting the ball into the caketrap?

Wintergreen, definitely. But no peppermint or spearmint.

2015-04-06, 09:21 PM
Would you care for a mint?

That is not a thing that is going to happen. If it looks like there is the SLIGHTEST chance it COULD happen, I will personally ensure it will not be a thing that is going to happen!

2015-04-07, 04:33 AM
Does that baby look as if it's about to take a huge crap?

I stayed in all weekend, napping and trying to catch up on tv shows that I'd missed because they weren't interesting enough to watch when they first came out.

Dire Moose
2015-04-07, 07:22 PM
What were you doing when the zombie apocalypse happened, meteors fell everywhere, and Godzilla attacked the city?

1560 gp, a 50 gp banded agate, a masterwork longbow, and two potions of Cure Light Wounds.

2015-04-09, 03:00 PM
What tribute is the orc chieftain demanding?

The big black bug bled black blood.

2015-04-09, 06:45 PM
What happened to Shelob when Sam impaled it with Sting?

(sarcastically) Right, because that would NEVER happen.

2015-04-10, 11:27 PM
Is it okay that there isn't a rule banning sarcasm in this thread?

4 20uF capacitors!

Dire Moose
2015-04-11, 11:54 AM
What should I use to make my DeLorean go faster? That's regardless of any unexpected side effects, mind you.

I told you never to open that box!

Cyber Punk
2015-04-11, 05:45 PM
This ring from the box in the cellar won't come off my finger! WHY WON'T IT COME OFF?!

That is entirely the fault of your dog.

2015-04-11, 06:42 PM
I'm not picking up that poo! Why SHOULD I pick up that poo?!

You have three days. If you fail, the consequences will be dire indeed.

2015-04-12, 08:55 AM
How long do I have to get you some apple juice?

The bear! The bear!

2015-04-12, 01:11 PM
What did Tattoo say on the ill-conceived, short-lived wilderness survival version of Fantasy Island?

33 hangers, a box of bobby pins, and one piece of elbow macaroni.

2015-04-12, 11:08 PM
How in the WORLD do you get high-speed internet out here?!

You see, I just... wait a minute. How DID I do that?

2015-04-13, 08:55 PM
Narf, Brain! How did you get the Hippos to wear the tutus?

I think it had something to do with the heating system.

Dire Moose
2015-04-19, 10:52 PM
I leave the room for one second and now the building's on fire?

Punching sharks in the face.

Laughing Dog
2015-04-19, 11:45 PM
:sigh: What did you get arrested for this time?

Apparently, it's illegal to punch sharks in the face.

2015-04-20, 02:34 AM
Why did they arrest you?

Just let it go already! Geez!

2015-04-20, 06:25 AM
Did you know that punching shar--

They seem so riled up over the littlest things!

2015-04-20, 06:40 AM
Ugh, what IS the deal with Youtube commenters?!

Because there's too much sand.

2015-04-20, 11:31 AM
Why is the Sahara Desert so big?

The Seventeenth Doctor.

Dire Moose
2015-04-20, 01:38 PM
OK, who tried to erase Hitler from history this time?

In my pants.

2015-04-20, 03:12 PM
Where is your brother?


2015-04-20, 04:28 PM
How many sharks have you punched now?

No, I will not.

Targ Collective
2015-04-20, 04:39 PM
Will you DROP about the sharks already? It's getting dull.

I think it needs a finishing touch. There! Perfect.

2015-04-20, 07:37 PM
How much more damage can we pile onto one half-elf, one-quarter leifen, one-quarter half-orc ranger/ranger?

It hurts a lot.

2015-04-20, 08:38 PM
How does it feel to have your hand bitten off by a punched shark?


2015-04-20, 09:40 PM
What kind of beverages should I serve at tonight's party?

As long as you put caramel on it.

Dire Moose
2015-04-20, 10:40 PM
Is everyone OK with me punching this shark in the face?

This is totally becoming a meme.

Laughing Dog
2015-04-20, 11:45 PM
So, do you want to punch a shark in the face?:smalltongue:
It has become a meme, hasn't it?
There has to be an easier way of doing this.

2015-04-20, 11:54 PM
What do you think of my idea to slather myself in shark repellent before lowering myself 50 feet into an electrified pool to protect myself from punched-shark retaliation?

It's an entire freakin' army of sharks!

2015-04-21, 12:02 AM
What do you want us to do with this cache of military-grade head-mounted lasers we just found, Mr - err, Dr Evil?

Laser Punch Sharks!!!

Dire Moose
2015-04-21, 09:22 AM
What kinds of things have the SPC (http://spc-wiki.wikidot.com/orientation) been researching lately?

Everything. No, not everything in the room; the entire dungeon.

2015-04-21, 12:49 PM
So, just what was trying to kill you?

It hasn't punched the shark, it's JUMPED the shark.

2015-04-21, 01:38 PM
So what do you think of the shark punch wannabe meme?

Actually, I don't know what he does for a living.

2015-04-21, 06:53 PM
What kind of day job do you think that boxing shark has?

A dead shark in a bear tree!

2015-04-21, 07:43 PM
What did your true love give to you on the first day of Christmas?

No, no, absolutely not, that's just a completely stup--wait a minute. Actually, that might just work!

2015-04-21, 08:32 PM
I block the blaster with my laser sword!

There's nothing these babies can't do!

2015-04-21, 09:08 PM
Are you sure the juvenile sharks are up to the task?

No way!

2015-04-21, 09:30 PM
Did you know that Hammerhead won the annual shark punching contest?

It's probably not my fault.

2015-04-21, 11:29 PM
How did this big shark trend start?

I insert a shark.

Dire Moose
2015-04-21, 11:29 PM
Care to explain why there's a shark with a black eye looking for you? What did the ninjas add to the Vending Machine thread after stealing my previous post?

Boxing gloves are not allowed in the aquarium.

2015-04-22, 01:16 AM
Why can't we make a Shark Tyson's Punch-Out video game?

Thirteen tons of tofurkey and a salad fork.

2015-04-22, 01:55 PM
Okay, if we cant KILL Jaws, what could we maybe use to make him GO AWAY?

Dagblast it, you people have got ME doing it!

2015-04-22, 02:20 PM
Didn't you say it was wrong to fish for endangered shark species?

I feel shame. Right in my bloodhole.

2015-04-22, 02:47 PM
How do you feel about orphaning all those sharks?

Sharks are friends, not food!

2015-04-23, 06:19 AM
Is this tuna shark friendly?

That's why it's called 'fishing' and not 'catching'!

2015-04-23, 05:08 PM
I didn't catch any sharks today, dad.

What happened to my unicorn?

2015-04-23, 05:48 PM
It vanished in a puff of logic.

Reverse Question-ception.

2015-04-25, 06:57 PM
What day is it?

We've never done that and you know it.

2015-04-25, 07:04 PM
Can I take away your standard-issue scimitars?

Pow! Right in the kisser!

2015-04-25, 07:08 PM
And if a guy asks you to prom...?

It's amazing how wrong that was.

2015-04-25, 08:58 PM
What did you think of Bob taking out that shark for a date?

I jump overboard!

2015-04-25, 09:55 PM
How do we escape the shark attack?

No. That's just... no.

2015-04-25, 10:43 PM
Did you hear Bobby Hammerhead asked a girl to prom?

Please stop asking me these things.

2015-04-25, 11:09 PM
Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?

Alright, fine, but only if I get to go first.

2015-04-26, 12:33 AM
Roll Initiative!

Seven, but I use different units.

2015-04-26, 01:04 AM
How many sharks did you befriend yesterday?

What? But there's no way I could have done THAT!

2015-04-26, 05:18 PM
You're holding my friend's colon! Did you murder her?

It all depends on how you look at it.

Sgt. Cookie
2015-04-30, 07:56 PM
I've heard rumours that you stole a significant quantity of books from the library. Any truth to that?

I'm not gonna lie, when I left him, he was on fire.

2015-05-01, 12:54 AM
Did you see Quentin shooting 5,000 perfect baskets in a row at the local gym yesterday?

First you make the popcorn.
Then you add the shrimp.
Then you chant the secret chant,
And burn the Goodyear blimp.

2015-05-01, 06:11 AM
Hey, do you remember that recipe for infernal popcorn shrimp?

I don't think that's the card game you're thinking of.

2015-05-01, 12:14 PM
Is Jumping Shark the game where you have to get a full house?

The shark jumped over the person.

2015-05-01, 02:20 PM
What makes you think fish could have learned to walk on land?

Ow! Stop it!

2015-05-01, 10:49 PM
Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? :smallamused:

Only the one on the left.

2015-05-01, 11:28 PM
Will messing with any of these controls cause devastation on both a personal and global level?

No, you're thinking of a SNARK, not a shark.

2015-05-02, 03:42 PM
Are large, carnivorous fish well known for being sarcastic and arguably funny on the internet while irritating lots of people at the same time?

Bees. Lots of bees. OH GODS TOO MANY BEES.

2015-05-03, 12:15 AM
You just can't BEElieve what just happened, can you?

I am the prettiest frog in the entire pond!

2015-05-03, 08:12 PM
Hello, Dave. How do you like the new game?

My parents hated me.

Dire Moose
2015-05-03, 11:32 PM
Your house is on fire! Why aren't you calling the firefighters?

We are not stopping here. Not even for that.

2015-05-03, 11:37 PM
Look, I know that the plan's been in motion for a while, but could we program the zombie mutants to say "brains" when they eat our enemies?

Well duh, no-one uses cheese any more.

2015-05-04, 02:33 PM
How are people avoiding our clever giant mousetraps?

That makes total sense to me, and that makes me worried.

2015-05-05, 01:03 AM
Aldridge particle postfix Isuzu parks failed artificially Jericho?

It's cellular peptide cake. With mint frosting!

Dire Moose
2015-05-05, 08:54 AM
Mr. Data, will you please stop eating your crewmates? :smallwink:

Not in my kitchen, you don't.

2015-05-05, 03:42 PM
Do I season the crewmates before I eat them?


2015-05-05, 06:06 PM
Hey Punchmaster, what are you planning to do about the plight of endangered sharks everywhere?


2015-05-05, 08:16 PM
Ffff, why do you have such a stupid haircut? XD

Pain. Pain happened.

2015-05-05, 08:41 PM
So, after you baked the cupcakes, what happened?


2015-05-06, 05:20 AM
How did the seal get caught and eaten?

If two people with more experience and better knowledge of the processes are telling you that you are wrong, maybe you have to accept that you might be wrong.

Dire Moose
2015-05-12, 08:50 PM
Why doesn't putting kittens in a blender make them happy?

You need to pull the thing to activate the other thing first.

Targ Collective
2015-05-13, 08:30 PM
Why do you keep telling me these things?

Why do you keep telling me these things

2015-05-13, 09:11 PM
Hey, um, d'you know there's gonna be a new Nintendo console again I guess?

A bit smoky, with a hint of lime.

2015-05-14, 12:49 AM
How do you like your pho?

The Phantom Zone. And a pickle.

2015-05-14, 06:06 AM
What did you have for lunch?

That's... that's nice, mom.

2015-06-02, 04:30 PM
I'm just gonna go stab your father with a scimitar, m'kay?

It's fine if you just microwave it for a minute or so.

2015-06-02, 05:15 PM
What do you want me to do with your liver?

Horses, horses, donkeys, horses, and a mule now!

2015-06-02, 06:30 PM
So what's on the menu here?

On a scale of one to stalker, it was like a 2.5; you know, when you look into someone's eyes for an extra few seconds and it turns awkward.

2015-06-07, 11:16 PM
How did your audience with the Supreme Dark Overlord of Destruction go?

In retrospect, that was not the best decision I have ever made.

2015-06-08, 12:08 AM
Did you really just cast Familicide on a descendent of Attila the Hun?!

The die came up a natural 1; what was I supposed to do?

2015-06-09, 11:45 PM
Gimli! What are you doing, man? http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=850

Heh heh... guilty.

Dire Moose
2015-06-10, 12:20 AM
You are accused of sacrificing babies to Orcus. How do you plead?

It was definitely not my pet velociraptor.

2015-06-10, 12:35 AM
So yesterday, the plumber found something in the-

We are no longer friends.

2015-06-10, 02:04 AM
Why don't we ever invite Steve to the weekly blood sacrifice rituals anymore?

I think I just lost my appetite.

5a Violista
2015-06-10, 02:29 AM
Hey, could you please check the oven for me to see if the goat's stomach is done yet?

I believe the best qualities are, basically, they are pretty nice, and like doing random things, but enjoying music is a huge bonus.

2015-06-10, 02:21 PM
What do you look for in a despotic tyrant?

I suddenly regret everything I have done in the past twelve hours. Also, I need to scrub at my brain with acid.

2015-06-10, 03:15 PM
Hey, thanks for the... why are you getting up?

It's not easy. Really hurts the neck.

2015-06-10, 06:38 PM
So how's that whole "Headless Horseman" thing working out?

Well at that point, the only thing left to do is burn down your house and restart your life.

2015-06-10, 09:22 PM
So I found a family of scorpions taking a shower in my sink, what should I do?

Pain. Lots and lots of pain.

2015-06-10, 11:33 PM
So, what did you feel upon emerging from the Pit of Horrible Spiky ThingsTM?

... I need a shower. Or ten.

2015-06-11, 12:39 AM
How did your date go?

It's not me, it's you.

2015-06-11, 03:10 AM
Why do you keep stabbing people?!!

Kinda like a fight at Walmart: you can't stop watching, no matter how much you want to...

2015-06-11, 08:25 AM
How was the D&D movie?

If that was another bloody pun I'm going to slap you.

2015-06-11, 02:20 PM
If I may be kobold as to ask, where did you get that avatar?

I'm really sorry. Honestly. I'll stop goblin all the food.

2015-06-11, 03:21 PM
I know you're hungry, but do you have to eat like such a monster?

Only his left ear, right kidney, heart, kidneys, liver and spleen. Oh, and three pints of blood.

2015-06-11, 03:24 PM
You didn't loot this corpse of anything, did you?

Brave Sir Robin ran away.
Bravely ran away away.
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
Bravely taking to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat.

2015-06-11, 09:51 PM
What do you think those cultists of the elder gods are chanting?

Run you idiot, run!

2015-06-11, 09:57 PM
Say, is that a Lhurgoyf?

I never thought I'd ever hear of a conflict that was solved by a spell-off, much less witness it myself.

2015-06-11, 11:39 PM
Why on earth possessed you to go in to the eldritch writers battle hall to look around?

No, you may not keep the knees. Or the skull. Or the- I don't recognise that bone, but you are not bringing it inside the house.

2015-06-11, 11:54 PM
I need these bones for my spell components. Can I bring them in?

They ruined my LARP game... oh, and killed my parents.

2015-06-12, 01:34 AM
Why are we replacing all of that wizard's spell components with Cheese Whiz?

You'd need a trebuchet, or maybe a well-made ballista.

2015-06-12, 04:58 AM
How am I gonna get to China without a passport?

I'd tell you, but then I'd have to bill you.

2015-06-12, 05:24 AM
How long did you have to study to become a lawyer?

It's because submarines nowadays don't have any windows to look out of.

2015-06-12, 11:54 AM
Why do you have a blow torch, a welding mask and a maniacal expression?

Blame him. He summoned it.

2015-06-12, 12:19 PM
Dave, Cthulu is killing Josh again!

While it could be argued that I am wholly to blame... that sentence got away from me there.

Dire Moose
2015-06-16, 07:36 PM
Why is there a huge pile of blood and gore all over my nice carpet?


2015-06-16, 10:59 PM
What's the best way to handle weapons-grade plutonium?

Well, the good news is we no longer have an ant infestation.

2015-06-17, 04:38 AM
Why is the house filled with brown recluse spiders?

I told you not to Google it!

2015-06-17, 05:02 AM
Can you please explain to me why the entire back garden looks as if someone poured 300 gallons of gasoline all over the lawn and set it on fire?

17 decks, 14 restaurants, a ski slope, an ice rink, three cinema theatres, four spas and 3699 other passengers. You're bound to find something to do.

2015-06-17, 07:00 AM
What should I do with my birthday presents?

That's... that's like a point.

2015-06-17, 12:24 PM
Do you approve of sharp edges?

I think that it's sords. No, I didn't misspell that.

Targ Collective
2015-06-18, 02:44 PM
"I like sords. Do you like sords?"

Urge... to kill... rising...

2015-06-18, 03:54 PM
You know, I bet most people who bash Twilight just secretly think it's pretty good, don't you agree?

Even I can't help but be cliche sometimes.

2015-06-18, 05:08 PM
"I've been expecting you?" Really?

I haven't had bacon today, I get testy.

Dire Moose
2015-06-19, 12:21 PM
Why did you kill my dog?

To be fair, it was...look, you just had to be there.

2015-06-19, 12:46 PM
What was it like being in the Bag of Holding?

Only if you do it first!

2015-06-20, 07:40 AM

Not even once.

2015-06-20, 10:20 AM
Oh, next you're going to tell me you HAVEN'T caused a global apocalypse.

I said it was suspicious.

2015-06-20, 01:13 PM
Why didn't you TELL me that opening that box would kill everything but us in a 30 mile radius?!


Targ Collective
2015-06-20, 02:58 PM
Help, I have hiccups!

Well at least you were saved the trouble of introducing them yourselves... I feel this is a case where chilly logic would have served better that the common sense of, say, the average chicken.*

*Cookie if you get the reference *and* speaker

2015-06-21, 02:49 AM
Why is your solution to visitors to always drop them into the poison spike trap pit?

It's... a work in progress.

2015-06-21, 10:10 PM
Why is your essay written in Hebrew?

Once we entered the mall, I found...

:smallcool: Something unexpected.


2015-06-21, 10:18 PM
What in the ever-handsome drow gods' names are those!?

...Can you talk without saying anything? Is that a thing we can do?

Targ Collective
2015-06-22, 09:11 PM
Hey so there was this man and he was like so - well - ugh and then there was this girl and you know what that means...

[continues for another five hours]

and, like - hey, are you even *listening?*


Yes, good sir, I'll have another cup of tea. Tip top!