This is my first homebrew world

[zeifly]

Hey guys, so like the title says this is my first homebrew world and I would like some feedback on it. Here goes.

I'll start with a map to give you guys the lay of the land. I made this using AutoREALM
http://i.imgur.com/VUFKkRU.jpg

Cosmology:
In this world, good and evil are constantly at war with one another. Everyday, angels and daemons duke it out. However, in order to prevent universal destruction. They rarely ever fight head on. Instead, they act through the people of Klothelia. The afterlife is different depending on who you serve. For those who serve angels, the afterlife is full of light. For the servants of daemons, it is a land of darkness. There are essentially two realms of existence; the mortal realm and the myst realm. the myst realm is basically a copy of the mortal realm, but there are a few differences. First, there is no color. Second, light doesn't work normally in the myst realm. The amount of light in an area depends on which factions, angels or daemons, is more dominant in that area. The more angelic dominance, the more light. The more daemonic presence, the less light. the only way to travel between the two are portals scattered around the world.

Gods:
In terms of gods, this world has one. He is the supreme creator of all. He created the world, but other than that, he has no real interest in it. He has some followers, but most choose to follow angels or daemons.

Angels:
As discussed earlier, angels are the champions of good. Their followers are followers by choice. The angels will not force anyone to do anything, but they are not against using other methods such as debts or guilt trips. They grant all of their followers control over light. Angels themselves have often been seen visiting followers and they are common among the mortals of Klothelia. Angels have a system of rank among themselves. Minor angels serve as mere messengers while the higher ranked ones control extreme power. The ranking system among angels is really complicated and hard to understand.

Daemons:
Daemons are the warriors of evil. Their followers are not followers by choice. Daemons select their followers at birth. They are snatched away from their parents and given to a family that worships the daemons. from then on they are not slaves, but it's pretty close. Daemons mark their followers and have extreme amounts of control over them. Daemons give their followers control over darkness and illusions. Daemons are rarely seen among the mortals. They prefer to control things from the shadows. Daemons don't have as sophisticated a ranking system as the angels, but they are ranked. Daemons are ranked by the number of followers they have.

Magic:
As I said earlier, both daemons and angels grant their followers some amount of magic ability. Apart from those powers, magic is a wild and curious thing. Magic is divided into four categories; angelic, arcane, daemonic, and elemental. Angelic and daemonic were mentioned earlier so I'm going to focus on the other two categories.

Elemental: this is the power of the three elements; water, earth, and air. No mortal has ever been able to control the power of pure elemental magic. Anyone who tries is consumed. There are three guardians so to speak of these powers. They live in the dessert of Neathol. Each guardian is a giant golem with a gem set where their heart would be. This gem contains the pure elemental power of the element it represents. Though they are unable to control the pure elements, many mortals have gained control of less powerful elemental magic. For example, many smiths employ the power of earth magic in the smelting process. Also, water and air magic are used in combination to help in times of drought and famine.

Arcane: This is a mysterious power. Wielders of arcane magicks are strange indeed. Arcane magic cannot be learned. Those who have the power can only seek out others with the same gift and hope to find a teacher. Arcane magic is can be used for just about anything from cleaning up your room to obliterating one's foes. There aren't many rules concerning arcane magic. There are two very important rules, however. Rule 1, those without the gift DO NOT meddle with arcane magic! Rule 2, all arcane magic comes at a price. The price is different for each person, but no matter what, nothing comes free.

Races:
I've never really liked orcs so I scrapped them. I also made a few modifications to other races.
Humans: normal

Dwarves: dwarves don't have the same history as miners that they do in other worlds. Therefore, they don't have darkvision. Rather than miners, dwarves became excellent builders. They are able to do incredible things with wood and stone! Most castles had at least one dwarf on the construction crew. So basically replaces dwarves familiarity with metalworking with woodworking.

Elves: I've always kind of thought of elves as mystical creatures. However, in the land of Klothelia, they are much more real. Elves also don't have darkvision because none of the forests are very dense. Because of this, they are closer to the real world than normal elves. They are much more friendly towards dwarves and the feeling is mutual. Elves have a love of the arts. They will often go to great lengths to obtain a rare painting or ballad. However, they are never greedy. They will not steal and consider thieves the lowest of the low.

Gnomes: Having been short and "the little guy" most of my life, I've always been drawn towards gnomes. In Klothelia, gnomes are curious, craft, and full of laughter. They have developed excellent understanding of mechanical and alchemical. All gnomes are taught to make basic potions and just about every mechanical innovation of the modern day was thanks to a gnome. Gnomes often stay up late into the night working on their inventions. This has slightly improved their eyesight, so they can see 1-1/2 times as far as other races in dim light. Gnomes are always up for a good practical joke, but this often gets them into trouble. Thus, they are very good at getting out of trouble.

Half-X: Apart from Elves and Dwarves or Elves and Gnomes, all of the races intertwine with one another. As is normal, children have traits of both of their parents.

Note: I took away darkvision because it is given to the followers of daemons whereas followers of angels receive powers that allow them to create light.

Lore:
The Creator had created many worlds before Klothelia, and he will most likely create many more. However, while he was creating Klothelia, he encountered something new. As he wove together the strands of the cosmos, some of them hesitated at his commands. More than once he had to give the strand a swift tug before it would comply. Eventually, he managed to form a world to his liking. Before he could finish it, however, a strand he had not used wrapped itself around the world. It looked as though the strand would constrict Klothelia until it imploded and became a realm of eternal shadows. Just as Klothelia was about to implode, a light shone forth out and intertwined with the strand. There was a massive explosion and the world as it is now was formed. The Creator looked upon it and was pleased. He left to create more worlds, but every now and then, he checks on Klothelia. The strand and the light are said to be the sources of the angels and daemons that make war on each other to this day. Because they still contain the power of the original strand and the light, the angels and daemons can never confront each other directly or else the world will be destroyed. Therefore, they play out their struggles through the other inhabitants of Klothelia. the elves are the oldest of the mortal races. After the elves came the Dwarves and Gnomes. Many years later the humans arrived. No one is really sure how the various races came into existence. Other than the war between angels and daemons, everything was peaceful. About the year 1400, there was a great war, the reasons for the war are unclear. Some say the humans got greedy and wanted power. Others say that the lust for art consumed the elves. Regardless the cause, many lost their lives in the Red War. In the end, it was decided that the world would be divided up into various countries. And each races would be given slightly more dominance in their regions. Now, The humans control Raldantha and Dalynvia, Frudral and Draxorn belong to the elves, Prewqultia and Pillyn are the domain of the gnomes, and the dwarves rule Raxthandar and Mutyvel. Neathol is netral territory as it is mostly a desert. The various cities and whatnot in each country have their own rulers and governments, but each realm has a supreme leader if you will that controls the region. There is peace throughout the land and travel between the lands is relatively easy. Trade flourishes especially between the dwarves and gnomes who managed to build a stable bridge between Pillyn and Mutyvel.

I think that's everything. Please let me know what you think. Please be honest.

[Inevitability]

I like there is a giant area of ice cream and cake on the map. :smallwink:

More serious feedback will follow soon.

[nrg89]

I have a soft spot for second tier religious creatures being the movers and shakers in a world instead of gods. :smallsmile: I have a similar set up in my own world and I think it's awesome fodder for interesting backstory of how some characters shaped the world in a certain way without feeling cheap when you put a cap on their powers.

But what about the towns, cities, kingdoms or empires? I understand that your cosmology is a big part of your world and needs to be fleshed out, but I would love to see your take on what would happen if powerful, conflicting, supernatural beings are influencing the political arena. Would a powerful demon create an empire with conquest fever or maybe a cult of decadence within a wealthy trading city? Are all the angels agreeing on everything, or are there organizations of angels who prioritize one question (wealth disparity, health, social mobility, security) higher than others? I would just want some more details around the political arena.

[Yora]

As a player, the most important things I would want to know is what type of culture and civilization the world is, what's currently going on, and how the player characters are getting involved with that.

[zeifly]

Just realized I forgot something on the races.

Drow: The drow are elves that serve the Daemons. Something happens when a daemon marks an elf that turns their skin black and their hair white. Drow followers are sought out highly by Daemons. Drow have exceptional darkvision because they are so devoted to their service of the Daemons. Sometimes Daemons will even give part of themselves to a drow servant to increase the drow's loyalty and power.

The angels prefer to leave politics to the mortals unless it interferes with their plans. The Daemons rather enjoy muddying the waters of politics. The Daemons have complete control over the Westernmost town in Frudrall and use it as sort of a playground for their evil meddlings.

[nrg89]

Just realized I forgot something on the races. Good, this is supplies the players with information about culture and politics. As Yora said, culture and the types of civilizations are priority number one. Politics are often used to describe how the two of them are affecting the authorities ability to project influence and who the players should visit to move the plot forward.


The angels prefer to leave politics to the mortals unless it interferes with their plans. The Daemons rather enjoy muddying the waters of politics. The Daemons have complete control over the Westernmost town in Frudrall and use it as sort of a playground for their evil meddlings. It sounds like you've thought about how these cosmic beings affect the regions. Maybe you could list the regions and describe their culture, civilization or something along those lines with a couple sentences. For example, now we know one of Frudrall's major cities is under complete control of the daemons. That sentence alone means that good aligned characters know that they have to be extremely careful if they were ever found inside the city, and they would probably try to find out if they even have a shot of getting inside the gates (not revealing if they're allowed inside right off the bat means they will ask NPCs or research the answer, which can lead to good roleplaying and is the main reason you should have room to improvise).

So, just like Yora said, you should probably write a summary of the world which gives the players an idea of what the tech-level is, what types of civilizations there are, what culture there is, what types of adventures one will go on and a little "frog perspective" of the common folk.

Here's Eberron from Wikipedia:

One of the most obvious differences between Eberron and generic D&D is the level of magic. High-level magic, including resurrection spells, is less common than in most other settings. However, low-level magic is much more pervasive, primarily provided by the Dragonmarked houses. Many cities have magical lanterns throughout the streets. A continent-spanning magical "lightning rail" provides high speed transportation.

Alignment is slightly more muddied than in other official settings. Evil beings of traditionally good races and good beings of traditionally evil races are encouraged; but alignment definition remains true to D&D standards, with good and evil retaining their meanings. However, the situation often arises in the campaign world that oppositely aligned characters will side with each other briefly if a threat looms over all, and also both good and evil characters will infiltrate each other's organizations for purposes of espionage.

Religion is similarly less clear-cut. The pantheon of Eberron does not make itself overtly known. The existence of divine magic is not evidence of the gods, as clerics who worship no deities but instead follow a path or belief system also receive spells. A cleric can even actively work against their own church and continue to receive spells. As a result, religion is largely a matter of faith. Unlike in many other 3rd edition D&D settings, a cleric does not have to be within one step of his deity's or religion's alignment, and is not restricted from casting certain spells because of alignment.

The setting adds a new base character class, the artificer. Artificers are spellcasters focusing on magical item creation. Artificer infusions (their equivalent to spells) focus on temporarily imbuing objects with the desired effects.

To try to create a pulp setting, Eberron uses "action points" that allow a player to add a six-sided die to the result of rolls made with a twenty-sided die.

The players can deduce that there's lots of fodder for espionage adventures, pulp action, urban adventures in very developed and cosmopolitan metropolises connected by "lightning rain" and lots of shiny loot since magic items are very common.

And here's Dark Sun from Wikipedia:

Once a blue planet teeming with life, Athas has since been stripped of its fertility by the use of corrupting magic known as Defiling Magic, and the decay of its sun. It is a sun-burnt land forsaken by the gods, water, and hope. The natural resources have been depleted and a lack of metal has resulted in the use of wood, obsidian and bone for weapons, tools and other common equipment - metal objects are rare and expensive. In such a harsh and unforgiving land, even the most mundane of creatures has developed psionic abilities in response to the constant struggle for survival.

Many thousands of years ago, through a combination of psionic power and defiler magic, a number of individuals set themselves up as sorcerer-kings, each ruling one of the city-states strewn across the sandy wastes of Athas. The societies that resulted are strongly hierarchical, heavily reliant on slaves, and partial to blood sports. Outside these cities lie vast expanses of deserts, mountains and desolate wilderness areas inhabited by monsters and tribes of humanoid races struggling for survival. In Athas, death by natural ageing is considered a great achievement, worthy of celebration and reverence.

The players know that this is a very deadly world where traveling means lots of encounters, there's little shiny loot and every piece of tool and equipment has value. It's also revealed that the stories will deal with dark subject matters like slavery and brutal executions, so a lot of cherished NPCs might have a horrible destiny written for them.
A typical adventure might be simply delivering a message to another city, searching for some weapon or breaking out of prison before a gladiatorial execution. Psionics and cunning must be played up since powerful equipment rarely is there to get the job done.

Since you say that the politics lies with the angels and demons, I immediately think Diablo since I love that game. But, maybe you wanted it to feel more like Tolkien's Middle Earth with the wizards replaced with either demons or angels.

Let this question guide you: what would the typical adventure for your PCs be?