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View Full Version : DM Help Help me make the worst Adventure ever! (well, kind of)



Kato
2015-01-05, 09:15 AM
A few words in advance: A few weeks ago one of our players has tried GMing for the first time and... it was quite a disaster. Worst of all (argueably) she was totally unable to let go of the plot as described by the book, no matter how poorly it fit with our actions which led to a ridiculous amount of railroading and forcing our characters to (not) all kind of things. At some point we dubbed it the "plot demon" who forces us to go against our free will and do "what the plot demands" of us.


So, I plan to make an adventure with a more literal plot demon, meaning a probably fey-like being who traps the party in an illusion (or dream) and makes them act out the most generic pen&paper adventure I can come up with, because... well, because it has a weird sense of humour. I'm not sure yet how subtle it will be, possibly forcefully and nonsensically adding items to make things harder/easier when it's "more fun" that way.

So far I considered "rescue a prince(ss) from an evil wizard" combined with "steal item from a (sleeping) dragon", along with some generic robbers. But I feel there's far more overused plot elements that belong to a terrible adventure.

Eldan
2015-01-05, 09:27 AM
Orcs/kobolds/goblins attack the village?

It's important that everyone is convinced that even if the local noble has an army, the four adventurers -are the only solution to the problem. Even if no one has met them before. And they haven't done anything extraordinary. And don't actually know each other beforehand. Also, they only get the rewards after they do the quest, not before, even if that means they have to leave without equipment.

(This is especially stupid in some older video games. "You slew the dragon with only a rusty dagger! Thank you noble hero! As mayor, I will now give you the +3 sword of dragonslaying our village has kept safe for generations!"

goto124
2015-01-05, 09:34 AM
I heard it's what Paranoia does. It's meant to be a comedy campaign, isn't it?

IZ42
2015-01-05, 10:36 AM
A dragon orc is attacking a village to steal the princess. Oh jeez, that would be horrible. Have a bunch of Half-dragon orcs attacking a village, trying to take the princess.

Kato
2015-01-05, 10:48 AM
I heard it's what Paranoia does. It's meant to be a comedy campaign, isn't it?
Yes, of course, though I'm not yet sure how long it is supposed to be. I guess as long as I have material/they are willing to put up with it.


A dragon orc is attacking a village to steal the princess. Oh jeez, that would be horrible. Have a bunch of Half-dragon orcs attacking a village, trying to take the princess.
Hm... on the one hand I like the idea of the princess being abducted with the party present, on the other that means they are doomed to fail which goes against the oldest "invincible hero" tropes. Then again, it would give the possibility for some jokes, I assume.

EyethatBinds
2015-01-05, 11:52 AM
I suggest making the game playing the tropes all wrong instead of all rote.

Rescue the beautiful dragon from the slavering, evil princess, a mysterious wizard attempts to gather magical components to end world hunger, and the king plans to assassinate his well loved and earnestly helpful vizier.

Milodiah
2015-01-05, 01:00 PM
Paranoia-style quick time events!

"The cavemen yell 'ooga-booga' and start running towards you! What do you do?"

"...what?"

"Ok, you stare dumbly at them! Player two, what do you do?"

Picasso007
2015-01-05, 01:28 PM
Don't forget to have the party meet in a tavern and get approached by a mysterious old man!

Milodiah
2015-01-05, 01:42 PM
Make sure every scene transition is accomplished by armed assailants either A) knocking the PCs unconscious and moving their bodies while they're out or B) sack-over-head kidnapping. Even if it's entirely mundane like the party wanting to go from the inn that they obviously will start in to the local blacksmith.

Also, whenever an attempt is made to split the party or cause intra-party tension, ensure that during the next kidnap/scene change the two instigators are handcuffed or otherwise bound together in a way that can only be undone through wacky subplots.

Red Fel
2015-01-05, 01:51 PM
I love the idea of going with incredibly obvious and painful tropes. Like the villagers rewarding the heroes with the item that would have been terribly helpful after the heroes dispatch the baddy. Or the king with his armies sitting, twiddling their thumbs. (As mentioned above.) Or the spirited and strong-willed princess who suddenly becomes completely and uncharacteristically helpless when the villain touches the damsel spot by her elbow. And so forth. All the sorts of things that make any rational person roll their eyes and say "Are you all, in fact, insane? Are we saving crazy people? Is that what we're doing now?"

But here's what I'd do. As the game progresses, make these same tropes more alien. This is a flighty and alien being we're talking about, and perhaps some of its information on "classic epic adventures" is a little... Inaccurate. Or perhaps it gets bored, and decides to "elaborate" on the tropes, like a child would. ("Ooh! Another dragon! Only this one is riding a dragon! With lasers! And it has a pirate hand!")

For bonus points, have the PCs act out the same tropes multiple times, each time subverted slightly more than the last. For example, in the first kingdom, the king asks them to rescue the beautiful princess from the dragon. In the second kingdom, they rescue the muscular, angry-looking princess in training to be a knight. ("Does she even need a rescue? She could bench-press our horse!") In the third kingdom, it's the less-than-beautiful-but-no-less-distressed orcish princess. ("No, no kiss is necessary, thanks.") And in the fourth, a dragon hires the PCs to rescue her baby from an evil princess warlord. ("What is going on here? Why do we keep doing this?") Double points if the BBEG tries to fake them out by claiming to be a princess in need of rescuing. Triple word score if it's painfully obvious that he's not. (E.g. cheap disguise, last-minute gambit, etc.)

IZ42
2015-01-05, 04:54 PM
This entire thread is beautiful. I can only hope you post a campaign log of all these happenings.

Kato
2015-01-05, 07:54 PM
This entire thread is beautiful. I can only hope you post a campaign log of all these happenings.

Well, I think I'll ask my group first but I don't think they disagree so I'll see what I can do. But it'll be at least a few weeks until it's my turn to GM again.

A lot of cool ideas already, although I don't know if I can fit everything in, but I'll try my best! Of course, more is still welcome.

Vhaidara
2015-01-05, 07:58 PM
Start like this:

You open your eyes. You look to the side, and see a potted plant. Then you realize that some jackass wizard just turned you and all of your party members into potted plants with eyes. Begin campaign.

Honest Tiefling
2015-01-05, 08:06 PM
I would have that cutscene. You want awful adventure, you got it. Dragon comes to town, steals the princess.

The catch is, the princess IS the fey. So when she's there, stuff is wonky. The fighter forgets how to fight, literally, if that is what it takes to get the princess out. The mage's spells turn into completely different spells. The rogue is somehow a paladin. I wouldn't spend much time on it, but it could lead to an odd mystery of WTF just happened there, and how do we make sure it never happens again.

The villain MUST have a mustache or goatee. Even if you have to put it on the dang dragon. All viceroys, advisers and the like are unquestionably evil. The weather is cooperative with the tone. Sunny days for the light-hearted things, and every funeral is sad and rainy. Dark stormy nights are bad, bad, bad things. Men wander around clad in black studded armor with hoods over their face and yet don't walk into walls. Enchantresses have physically impossible outfits that somehow stay on without adhesive. People wander around in full-plate all of the time. They also have oddly prophetic names...'Goodman' is probably a guy you want to get to know. Inns are clogged with mysterious strangers and busty wenches. Even the men, lizardfolk, and little old ladies are somehow all busty.

EDIT: Oh, I nearly forgot. Nothing gets done without the PCs doing it, and everyone has an excuse why they can't possibly help.

goto124
2015-01-05, 08:55 PM
Make sure the tropes are lampshaded and/or over-the-top. The dragon has a mustache? Have it fall off its snout all the time, with the dragon complaining about how he can't get his claws on real glue. The lady warrior with impossibly skimpy clothes? Make her bikini turn out to be completely normal armor that's been painted over. Guess what happens when someone tried to attack her in the cleavage.

Those suggesting the 'rescue the dragon from the princess' plots: Would you let your players... ahem... make Dragonborns?

Alabenson
2015-01-05, 09:37 PM
I'd use and combine as many outdated tropes as possible, regardless of how much sense they make together.
"The princess has been kidnapped by an evil wizard, who dresses like Snidely Whiplash, complete with mustache. Also, the evil wizard is a dragon. His minions are currently building a railroad track to which he will tie the princess."

Vhaidara
2015-01-05, 10:12 PM
I'd use and combine as many outdated tropes as possible, regardless of how much sense they make together.
"The princess has been kidnapped by an evil wizard, who dresses like Snidely Whiplash, complete with mustache. Also, the evil wizard is a dragon. His minions are currently building a railroad track to which he will tie the princess."

Don't forget that the railroad starts just outside of the tavern the party meets in, and they are struck by lightning from the gods if they leave the tracks.

Honest Tiefling
2015-01-05, 10:14 PM
And the train is full of puppies, orphans and gunpowder.

Almarck
2015-01-05, 10:33 PM
There's also the time honored "tradition" of having the fourth wall completely break down, where the players RP as themselves as the "gods" of their characters. That will immediately make the situation 100X zanier than conceivable. I know it'll probably leave a bad taste in someone's mouth, but no one will forget this moment.

Or instead, have the characters directly address the DM/Plot Demon.

goto124
2015-01-06, 01:04 AM
And the train is full of puppies, orphans and gunpowder.

From another thread:


My paladin would have so many conflicting emotions, and so many questions that need answering, such as:

"What's up with the orphans anyway? I mean, wouldn't it be worse to kill children who's parents might miss them?"


And yes, have the explosive train run headlong into the 4th wall.

Anxe
2015-01-06, 01:37 AM
There's a Nodwick comic that has this with some storybook tales. The Nodwick characters are trapped in some sort of dream state where each of them plays the roles of classic fairy tale characters. When they catch on to one story they're transported to another story. It's probably been uploaded to the Nodwick website at some point, but its a nightmare to search through there. If you manage to find it, I'm sure it'd give you some good ideas for an adventure like this.

neonchameleon
2015-01-06, 07:46 AM
Quest dispensed, of course, by a ridiculously powerful wizard who teleports the PCs to a bar to brief them. And could solve the problem in about three seconds except for *mumble*. Bonus if his name is a variant either on Elminster or Gandalf.

Vhaidara
2015-01-06, 09:27 AM
Quest dispensed, of course, by a ridiculously powerful wizard who teleports the PCs to a bar to brief them. And could solve the problem in about three seconds except for *mumble*. Bonus if his name is a variant either on Elminster or Gandalf.

Wait, you mean Elmindalf the Beige was a ripoff of someone else?

Marlowe
2015-01-06, 10:01 AM
No. No. No. You've got it all wrong.

The Evil Wizard has been kidnapped by a Beautiful Princess, who is forcing him to wear bright-coloured clothing and drink tea while sticking out his pinky. You must rescue him before she breaks his spirit, turns him into her toyboy, and harnesses his arcane might to have the whole kingdom dressing in pink and frills.

On the way, you might also want to help out the Ogre tribe under attack by ecoterrorist Petals.

Milodiah
2015-01-06, 10:50 AM
Don't forget the giant eagles that swoop in from nowhere to save their asses after they complete the Quest.

If they complain, call in Peter Jackson and the Ghost of Tolkien to beat them up.

Marlowe
2015-01-06, 08:21 PM
I had one DM once who would play the Giant Eagles card (or similar devices) to randomly pick us up and dump us where he wanted us to be. Regardless of where we were trying to go or what we were trying to accomplish.

I won't mention my own "Bodyswap" incident.

Honest Tiefling
2015-01-06, 08:50 PM
The Evil Wizard has been kidnapped by a Beautiful Princess, who is forcing him to wear bright-coloured clothing and drink tea while sticking out his pinky. You must rescue him before she breaks his spirit, turns him into her toyboy, and harnesses his arcane might to have the whole kingdom dressing in pink and frills.

Perhaps I am old-fashioned, but if you do this, the Evil Wizard is secretly a dragon. In face, everyone is secretly a dragon.


I won't mention my own "Bodyswap" incident.

No, no, I think it needs to be mentioned. We need bad adventures. I think a few rounds of Forced Reincarnation would certainly help make it awful.

Vhaidara
2015-01-06, 08:55 PM
Perhaps I am old-fashioned, but if you do this, the Evil Wizard is secretly a dragon. In face, everyone is secretly a dragon.

Including the players.

Og man, imagine secretly telling each player "By the way, you're actually a dragon, but don't tell anyone else".

Also, the dragons are actually goblins.

Honest Tiefling
2015-01-06, 08:57 PM
They're dragons, but they just don't know it!

Bucky
2015-01-06, 08:57 PM
Don't forget that the railroad starts just outside of the tavern the party meets in, and they are struck by lightning from the gods if they leave the tracks.

Also, they need to destroy a train because it's sitting on the railroad tracks and they can't go around it.

Marlowe
2015-01-06, 09:14 PM
Perhaps I am old-fashioned, but if you do this, the Evil Wizard is secretly a dragon. In face, everyone is secretly a dragon. Except for the Princess, who is secretly a person of mass destruction and a construct superweapon left over from some legendary war; cast by the kingdom as the heir to the throne so nobody would look at her twice.




No, no, I think it needs to be mentioned. We need bad adventures. I think a few rounds of Forced Reincarnation would certainly help make it awful.

Sigh.
In the course of exploring a dungeon, the PCs encounter an Evil adventuring party of slightly higher level. There's a bit of a chilly conversation, and the groups part ways.

A little later, the PCs bust into the throne room of a lich, who is swanning about on his throne in a track suit and gym shoes leafing through a book entitled "Unspeakably Evil Acts For Dummies". he turns to them and says; "Hey. Got any books?"

After conversation marked by a total failure by the lich to even recognize the PCs as a threat, or even anyone remotely hostile, the PCs ask if he's got a way to get them through the dungeon fast or at least allow them to stop talking to him. he waves them to a sidechamber, which promptly seals behind them and there's a bright light.

The PCs now find themselves in another part of the dungeon, in the bodies of the Evil party they met earlier, and with the appropriate classes and builds. They decide to work with this, and heroically proceed to safe one community of unpleasant dungeon-dwellers from the attacks of another unpleasant pack of dungeon-dwellers.

Just as they're about to be rewarded for this, the effect wears off, and they find themselves back in their old selves. Standing over the massacred bodies of the people they were sent into the dungeon to meet with, blood all over their weapons.

It was funny at the time.

Arbane
2015-01-07, 12:56 AM
Basically, you need to retcon reality to make every effort by the players fail in a way that would make them feel incredibly stupid if they tried it in real life, aside from the fact that you're changing details specifically to frustrate them.

Also, be sure and end it with some variation on "...and it was all just a dream." Players love that.

goto124
2015-01-07, 12:59 AM
Also, be sure and end it with some variation on "...and it was all just a dream." Players love that.

Why end there? You should stack layers upon layers of dreams a la Inception, but funnier!

YossarianLives
2015-01-07, 01:01 AM
Don't forget to have the party meet in a tavern and get approached by a mysterious old man!
Also make sure that the tavern is located in a hive of scum and villainy. Oh and also don't forget that the PCs arrive there on a dark and stormy night.

DoctorGlock
2015-01-07, 10:15 AM
I think you can have a lot of fun with the quest giver NPC; take the literal plot demon up to 11, it's a 2 foot tall fat green imp with a squeaky voice who goes apoplectic with rage whenever the players do something that doesn't fit the elaborate story he's constructed in his mind. He tries begging, pleading bribing ('no, sneak in the back door to the dragons horde using a magic ring and i'll give you this really nice sword!) and threats (standard 'I shall destroy you all!' without the ability to follow through). As the game goes on he becomes even more desperate an unhinged until he goes all BBEG mode, gets his hands on the cosmic mcguffin and wants to rewrite reality in the image of his stories. Btw, he still has the apoplectic high pitch voice, even in omnipotent final boss fight.

Jay R
2015-01-07, 11:50 AM
At one point, they need to travel to the next encounter on an actual railroad.

Kato
2015-01-07, 01:23 PM
:smallbiggrin: Definitely a huge load of nice ideas you guys supplied, I knew I was asking in the right place.

Though, while many of them are hilarious, in the beginning I'd like to ease them more into it, until they realize what happened to them. So crazy twists and turns are still welcome but also some more subtle things that make an adventure really clichee, like the city guard showing up only when the invading orcs are already defeated or the obvious evil chancellor with a curly mustache.

Milodiah
2015-01-07, 01:46 PM
:smallbiggrin: Definitely a huge load of nice ideas you guys supplied, I knew I was asking in the right place.

Though, while many of them are hilarious, in the beginning I'd like to ease them more into it, until they realize what happened to them. So crazy twists and turns are still welcome but also some more subtle things that make an adventure really clichee, like the city guard showing up only when the invading orcs are already defeated or the obvious evil chancellor with a curly mustache.



Speaking of guards... (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheGuardsMustBeCrazy)

IZ42
2015-01-07, 08:07 PM
Speaking of guards... (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheGuardsMustBeCrazy)

Please, put a warning on links to TVTropes, I just barely got out of there alive.

FabulousFizban
2015-01-07, 10:54 PM
that seems very passive aggressive

Eldan
2015-01-08, 04:13 AM
:smallbiggrin: Definitely a huge load of nice ideas you guys supplied, I knew I was asking in the right place.

Though, while many of them are hilarious, in the beginning I'd like to ease them more into it, until they realize what happened to them. So crazy twists and turns are still welcome but also some more subtle things that make an adventure really clichee, like the city guard showing up only when the invading orcs are already defeated or the obvious evil chancellor with a curly mustache.

Okay. More subtle. Let's see.

Setting elements:
Exactly one culture of every nonhuman race. There's no, oh, Southland Dwarves, Wandering Dwarves, Godspine Dwarves and Chalkland Dwarves, there's just The Dwarf Holds, The Elven Kingdom and The Orc Tribes.
More diversity for Humans: The Good Kingdom, The Slightly Good Duchy and The Evil Empire. And The Free City of Scum and Villainy.



Under no circumstances should players be able to feel sorry for the evil mooks. Remember: goblins can not talk other than to threaten and insult, even if they would really like to. Orcs somehow make a living doing nothing all day but murdering and pillaging civilizations that are vastly superior, technologically. Evil means suicidally aggressive.

Marlowe
2015-01-08, 05:32 AM
So. A goblin walks into a bar.

Bartender: Evening, Schizzel. The usual?

Goblin: I SHALL slit your throat and BATH in your most INTIMATE juices!!!

Bartender: There you go. [Serves drink] Two silvers.

Goblin: Your END shall be A thing OF screams and FIRE!!![pays]

Bartender: How's the missus? And the little one?

Goblin: Your TORMENT shall stretch FOR a baleful ETERNITY!!!

Bartender: Oh? Have you tried a bedtime story?

Eldan
2015-01-08, 05:45 AM
Exactly. Whether you make that comical or tragic is your choice.

goto124
2015-01-08, 06:07 AM
So. A goblin walks into a bar.

Who are the other 2 people who walked in?

Marlowe
2015-01-08, 06:12 AM
The Orc and the Hobgoblin haven't arrived yet. They're busy setting fire to each others houses. Oh, the inhumanity.

Kato
2015-01-13, 10:21 AM
So, to give the thread a bump, what's the most annoying NPC I can stick them with? A paladin? A wizard who should be able to solve all their problems with ease but decides "nah" most of the time? Some kind of cleptomaniac/pyromaniac/psychopath who keeps causing problems with local authorities? An annoying little kid or similar that needs to be protected while constantly getting itself into danger? (Maybe not the last one, because we had this in the adventure mentioned in the first post)

Eldan
2015-01-13, 10:30 AM
Combine several? Annoying kid with magical superpowers.

Honest Tiefling
2015-01-13, 01:29 PM
I think the real answer is a Kender, but that might be a little TOO evil. I'd stick them with a Barbarian with a dumped INT who believes that charging straight for the enemy is the only way to fight. He won't last long, but it'll be hilarious.

Almarck
2015-01-13, 01:53 PM
An over the top parody of bad DMPCs. A person who despite having impossible race and class combos and over budgeted magic items for his levels, he's so utterly useless and pitiful because his own abilities and choices are sabotaged due to poor thinking and understanding of the rules. (Wizard and druid casting in heavy armor while being a monk)

And despite how utterly useless he is, the narration is set it up to make it seem like he's the big hero and he always thinks of you as his side kicks. And no matter what happens they can't get rid of him or kill him.

And yet, because of how hilariously over the top he is, how armed with plot armor he is.... your friends might enjoy him.
Especially if you play up his utter ridiculousness with theme songs and the tendencies to chew the scenery and go ham.