how to let a player go?

[iskoaya]

we recently lost a couple players in my Saturday homebrew game and replaced them with fresh blood.

during our latest session a player stopped me mid-narrative and said he was not liking the gory details of the event unfolding around him with the necromancer experimenting on his prisoners, and requested rather rudely that i skip it and move on... i plan to include more episodes of violence and torture during this game, and was wondering the best way to let them go so as to avoid trollish behavior ( the last time i let some one go they never closed their browser, enabling them to continue to troll the roll20 chat log during our game, had to go so far as to ban them from our teamspeak.).

[jaydubs]

Well first of all, it might be a bit premature to kick someone because they thought you went into too much detail on the gory bits. I'd suggest you just send them a message, saying that it's part of the atmosphere you're going for, and that you're not going to change that particular bit of your DMing style. In fact, the gory bits are likely to get more gratuitous, for theme reasons. Point out that while you're willing to hear feedback, that the way they went about it wasn't appropriate, and that such concerns should be brought up post-game without disrupting the session. If they're okay with that, they're welcome to continue on with that understanding. If not, you're sorry to hear that. But they should look for another campaign with a DM more to their style.

But I wasn't there and I didn't hear the exchange. So if you're intent on finding another player, just say that you don't think it's a good fit, and that it doesn't sound that they will be comfortable with the type of campaign you're intending to run (dark and bloody). No hard feelings, that's just how it works out sometimes. Good luck finding another game. (And then you remove them from the campaign when you send the message.)

In short, be clear, polite, and reasonable. And don't try to assign blame.

[RedMage125]

While I agree that reasonable discussion is the answer, I also want to point out that you have a responsibility to not make your players uncomfortable.

If graphic descriptions of gore, r ape, or violence are making your players uncomfortable, it's YOUR job to tone it down. If a game of D&D is going to be creepy, it should be the kind of creepy that a good horror movie instills (that is, one we can find entertaining especially afterwards), it should not be the kind of thing that makes us wish we were doing something else, or that we had not played that session.

Part of your reasonable discussion should include talks with your other players first, to see if anyone else feels the same, or if it's just the one guy. If this one guy is the only one uncomfortable with it, then your discussion with him should let him know that you plan on going for some graphical descriptions in order to set the tone of horror. Maybe find out what things in particular bothered him, and maybe you can reach a compromise that lets you describe other aspects of torture and violence, but mentions only briefly the parts that he found upsetting, perhaps glossing over it without leaving it out entirely.
For his part, ask him to understand the tone of the game you are trying to run. If he absolutely wants no part in a horror game of any kind, perhaps this particular campaign is not for him. But alienating or removing a player should only be if you two cannot reconcile the problem. Who knows? Maybe if he goes into the session understanding that there will be some graphic descriptions done to set the tone, he will be less squeamish.

Bottom line, don't go into the discussion with him with a "my way or the highway" attitude, because that's just going to alienate him. Try to get him on board with your plan, but be willing to perhaps tone down the descriptions. Sometimes, it's enough for people that you describe that there IS gore all over the place and let their imaginations take that away, you don't need to describe the exact quantity and location of all the viscera in the room to let people know that there's guts everywhere. And again, if the majority of your players were uncomfortable with it, then they are not the issue and you NEED to tone it down.

It should go without saying that these discussions with people need to take place between sessions, not during.

[Rallicus]

snip

That's one feature about roll20 I really dislike. If there's conflict, you're unable to immediately drop the player from the game. I've dropped two players thus far and I was fortunate that one simply rage-quit and the other was let go amiably; they could have easily stayed in the chat, spamming it and drawing obscene images.

That said, the best way I think to handle it is to just be honest. "This game might not be suited for you, and I can't really cater to your needs without taking away from what I want the game to be like." That's essentially how I dropped my last player.

Of course, you can always be passive aggressive and just drop him from the roll20 (if he's out of the program). Such is the benefit of online gaming. :)

I also agree that you should run it by the other players as well. Just because they weren't vocal doesn't mean they're not uncomfortable with your descriptions. However this doesn't mean you should cater to them... as a DM playing with (presumably) strangers on the internet, you have the right to mix and match your players until you get the right "fit" for your game. You're not held back by friendships or the problems that arise from real life gaming, so there's no reason to drop, recruit, repeat until you get a great dynamic. Just be polite when you do it.

Might want to warn new players in the future about how descriptive your game might be, though.

[ad_hoc]

Sounds like it would be a good idea to provide trigger warnings in the future.