Lord Lemming
2015-01-11, 04:05 AM
For any of you who have not seen The Gamers: Dorkness Rising (and some of you who have), it is a fantastic fan-made D&D movie that anyone in this forum should probably watch. In a post-credits scene, the party paladin Sir Osric spouts off a bunch of food-related righteous one-liners into the darkness. I quote:
“I shall spread the buttery justice of Therin over the toast of your iniquity!”
“The succulent jam of light shall sweeten the sourdough of your evil ways!”
“The creamer of light will dull the bitterness of your evil, unholy coffee taste!”
“The spatula of purity shall scramble the eggs of your malfeasance!”
http://youtu.be/tOUksDJCijw?t=1h44m30s (original scene. In theory.)
Inspired, I decided that I would make a paladin with ranks in either Profession (Cook) or Craft (Delicious Justice), who would open every combat with just such perfectly delectable lines. There is but one problem: I am horrible at coming up with food-related badass holy one-liners, and the existing set will get real old real fast. So far, all I've got is:
“The oven of justice will leaven the yeast of your wickedness!”
“I shall paste the mustard of mercy on the sandwich of your sinfulness!”
“The avocado of evil will be mashed into the guacamole of good!”
And I didn't even come up with the third one by myself. But then it occurred to me: Who else but the brave, ridiculous souls who haunt The Giant in the Playground forums could aid me in my task; to create the most deliciously righteous battle cries a gourmet-obsessed lawful-good keeper of truth and justice could imagine. So, my friends, will you come to my aid?
(PS: If you do want to watch The Gamers: Dorkness Rising, the creators have the full thing up on YouTube under the channel name Zombie Orpheus Entertainment. They have some other cool stuff too. I only linked to an unofficial video because part 12 of 12 seems to have gone missing from the official channel.)
“I shall spread the buttery justice of Therin over the toast of your iniquity!”
“The succulent jam of light shall sweeten the sourdough of your evil ways!”
“The creamer of light will dull the bitterness of your evil, unholy coffee taste!”
“The spatula of purity shall scramble the eggs of your malfeasance!”
http://youtu.be/tOUksDJCijw?t=1h44m30s (original scene. In theory.)
Inspired, I decided that I would make a paladin with ranks in either Profession (Cook) or Craft (Delicious Justice), who would open every combat with just such perfectly delectable lines. There is but one problem: I am horrible at coming up with food-related badass holy one-liners, and the existing set will get real old real fast. So far, all I've got is:
“The oven of justice will leaven the yeast of your wickedness!”
“I shall paste the mustard of mercy on the sandwich of your sinfulness!”
“The avocado of evil will be mashed into the guacamole of good!”
And I didn't even come up with the third one by myself. But then it occurred to me: Who else but the brave, ridiculous souls who haunt The Giant in the Playground forums could aid me in my task; to create the most deliciously righteous battle cries a gourmet-obsessed lawful-good keeper of truth and justice could imagine. So, my friends, will you come to my aid?
(PS: If you do want to watch The Gamers: Dorkness Rising, the creators have the full thing up on YouTube under the channel name Zombie Orpheus Entertainment. They have some other cool stuff too. I only linked to an unofficial video because part 12 of 12 seems to have gone missing from the official channel.)