Best One Liners

[LoyalPaladin]

Good morning playground!
Here I am, sitting at my desk and I wonder... "what was the best one liner I've had come out of a D&D campaign..." So I ask you. What was yours?

Mine would be when a bar maiden asked my paladin if she could "hold his long sword" later that evening and I replied "I appreciate the offer, but I have a great sword."

Hands down my favorite one I've heard was my friend's kender rogue replying to an ogre who asked "Who you?" he replied "I'm gone!" haha.

[Brookshw]

Have you checked out the Campaign Quotes thread in the main roleplay forum?

Some from my games which stood put to me
PC 1: So he's Prometheus' brother?
PC 2: Brometheus?

PC 1: What do they speak in the Far Plane?
PC 2: Dubstep?

And thanks to a typo at one point: You must stop by to see my shoe.

[LoyalPaladin]

Have you checked out the Campaign Quotes thread in the main roleplay forum?
I didn't even know there was one. One of these days I should go to another part of the playground some day...


Some from my games which stood put to me
PC 1: So he's Prometheus' brother?
PC 2: Brometheus?
Hahaha. Bro jokes are always welcome at my table. Unless you want to create Broseidon. He has been voted off the island.

[Tragak]

Unless you want to create Broseidon. He has been voted off the island. Did he really want to be on the island in the first place :smallwink:

[LoyalPaladin]

Did he really want to be on the island in the first place :smallwink:
You're probably right. Next time we sacrifice him to the volcano god.

[Telonius]

One of the players in the campaign I'm DMing has to Skype in. She's playing a very lusty Elf Beguiler named Sparrow. We needed to move the computer a bit so she could have a better angle to see the battlemat, so I brought out my "Complete Works of William Shakespeare."

After I finished rearranging it: "Okay, Sparrow, for the rest of the session, you'll be on top of the Bard."

[Grommen]

"So...You have fallen into my trap. I've waited a long time for this", rattles the Grandfather of Assassins, "But before I kill you all I shale explain my evil plan. You may ask one question."

"Just one?"
- Quintin the Great.


From the Depths of Shadowrun (when we had Cyberdecks).

"Q" not one known for his B&E skills, but possessing a quick wit and a player on the ball that day, was caught picking the lock of the house he was attempting to break into.

Quickly snagging the cyberdeck from the person behind him who was supposed to be the lookout..

"Ma'am I represent the Little Cyberdeck company of Walla-Walla Washington. With one of these babies you can slice, dice, and crack your way all the way though to even the nastiest of ICe. Why it practically does the work for you, just plug er in and let er go! If you don't mine I'll just give you a quick demonstration wile my colleague here raids your data stores."

[EyethatBinds]

Evil campaign, I'm playing a draegloth, another party member is neutral leaning evil but keeps his kid brother with him at all times (even in dungeons). He wanders off in the dungeon after some evil act we need to perform for reasons (probably to make money or terrify people, can't recall) and he walks into an explosive trap.

The trap does about 25 hp, which isn't a big deal to a 5th level barbarian. However, his kid brother had no class levels and average (undefined) stats. Player declares he cries out in raged at himself.

Hearing this, I come to investigate and instantly have to ask the question any cannibalistic monster should.
"You gonna finish that?"

[Vhaidara]

As a CN Tiefling Mid-level Warlock to the LS, Mary Sue, Racist-against-planetouched GMPC Epic level Paladin
Nalin: You're retarded, aren't you?

And the best part? I survived.

[Invader]

Our DM was describing a creepy situation in great detail trying very hard to set a dark mood and doing a good job job. When he said we heard a mournful wailing off in the distance I immediately let out a loud WaaaooOoOOOooOOwooOOoooaoOooOo ala Dorie from finding nemo.
http://media2.giphy.com/media/GgeqDH27k5MVW/200_s.gif

[Blackhawk748]

Both of these are mine.

Goblin Barbarian who wields a greataxe:"YOU FORGOT TO PROTECT YOUR KNEECAPS!!!!" (standard Battlecry)

This one is from Krang my Rogue/Ranger/Trapsmith while we were in the middle of an ambush that went a bit sideways. "Thats IT! *throws a script he didnt have into the air* Im sick of all this improv, this is exactly why i dont work with amateurs. *hefts crossbow* Guess its time to make some casting cuts.* From then on he was known as Director Krang. The best part was is that i had no intention of doing that, it just seemed perfect at the time. Also the DM gave me the power Summon Script after that, which allowed me to summon a small script so i could see what was gonna happen in the next "scene". Obviously Krang did and extensive rewrite, and obviously no one except the party followed the darnned thing.

[holywhippet]

In a 2nd edition D&D game we nearly had a TPK from an exploding box trap. Only the party rogue managed to survive and bandage us up in time. When we eventually awoke I made it clear my character was going to be extra paranoid when it came to traps. Since we were in an inn I pointed to the front door and declared "Before we walk out that door I'm having the rogue check it for traps first".

[atemu1234]

Half-Elf rogue to his recently discovered siblings, "You know, where it not for recent revelations about our parentage, I would have hit on at least two of you." (Note there was him, his full-elf sister, his half-vampire brother and another half-elf).

[Lentrax]

Immediately after resolving a problem of prisoner transport and storage (Which was resolved by shooting said prisoner in the face.): "Can we go now?"

[PsyBomb]

I can claim credit for this one. Setting: all-male game group. Player 1 is running a PsiWar, greatsword, powerful build, and Expansion. My rogue's response: "Dude, if you're compensating for something, you have an innie."

"I Bull Rush the fire elemental"... coming from a 13 year old one-armed rogue. Not mine this time.

"The Kobold camp immediately starts forming fire crews. This is hindered by their need to also form hazmat crews" DM, after an inventive player attack.