A Stupidly Awesome Wand

[Draco_Lord]

Okay. So a little while ago my players were having some trouble in a dungeon, getting a little more battered then I thought they would, so to be nice I added an extra wand in the loot pile of a monster they killed. It was meant to be a wand of cure light wounds. But... after every single spell caster failed their spellcrafting checks (seriously they all rolled 1s, even when I let them work together for some bonuses all 1s) to figure out what it did I decided that they think it is a wand of summon dragons. Just the first thing that came to mind.

The thing is, now they have such high expectations for it, and since all they know is that it isn't a wand of summon dragons, a little meta gaming, they want to know what it does, but can never justify their characters using it for fear of dragons. Now they are getting close to just using it for fun. And I don't want it to just be a wand of cure light wounds, I want it to do something better.

So I was wondering if there are any crazy spells I could stick in this thing? Something funny, epic, or just plain random would be best. I also have no issue with... bending the rules about the spell level limit for this thing. Though, I'm going to give them about 1-3 charges, so what ever it is can't just be used at all times.

[Renen]

Its a wand of very specific ghost sound. It ONLY makes fart sounds.

[Xsatra]

A Rod of Wonder (http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Rod_of_Wonder) seems like it'd fit.

[Trasilor]

Okay. So a little while ago my players were having some trouble in a dungeon, getting a little more battered then I thought they would, so to be nice I added an extra wand in the loot pile of a monster they killed. It was meant to be a wand of cure light wounds. But... after every single spell caster failed their spellcrafting checks (seriously they all rolled 1s, even when I let them work together for some bonuses all 1s) to figure out what it did I decided that they think it is a wand of summon dragons. Just the first thing that came to mind.

The thing is, now they have such high expectations for it, and since all they know is that it isn't a wand of summon dragons, a little meta gaming, they want to know what it does, but can never justify their characters using it for fear of dragons. Now they are getting close to just using it for fun. And I don't want it to just be a wand of cure light wounds, I want it to do something better.

So I was wondering if there are any crazy spells I could stick in this thing? Something funny, epic, or just plain random would be best. I also have no issue with... bending the rules about the spell level limit for this thing. Though, I'm going to give them about 1-3 charges, so what ever it is can't just be used at all times.

Wand of summon demons?:smallbiggrin:

If you are willing to mess with their head, then mess with them.

Break out of the box of XYZ spell and let your imagination run wild. Ask your inner-child "what would be totally crazy" and go with it. Perhaps the wand opens a one-way portal to random demi-plane. Nothing bad comes through, just weird or odd. Perhaps it summons 1,000 sleeping bunnies.

Or...to really mess with them - it actually summons a dragon...

[Telonius]

Stay-Puft Marshmallow Method: it's a wand of Phantasmal Killer.


You create a phantasmal image of the most fearsome creature imaginable to the subject simply by forming the fears of the subject’s subconscious mind into something that its conscious mind can visualize...

Obviously it's going to look like a dragon. :smallbiggrin:

[Renen]

Obviously it's going to look like your in laws. :smallbiggrin:

Fixed that for you.

[Vinyl Scratch]

Its a wand of very specific ghost sound. It ONLY makes fart sounds.

Ah, old Merlin and his "Pull my wand" gag.


Make it an intelligent item. It knows that it dies if its charges run out, so every time someone tries to use it, it tries to convince them not to and let them live.

[Darrin]

So I was wondering if there are any crazy spells I could stick in this thing? Something funny, epic, or just plain random would be best. I also have no issue with... bending the rules about the spell level limit for this thing. Though, I'm going to give them about 1-3 charges, so what ever it is can't just be used at all times.

Well, silent image springs to mind. It summons dragons all right... but they're just illusions.

If you want a real dragon... there are several wyrmlings in the 3-4 HD range that could be reasonably comparable to the SMIII/IV lists.

[Draco_Lord]

Wand of summon demons?:smallbiggrin:

If you are willing to mess with their head, then mess with them.

Break out of the box of XYZ spell and let your imagination run wild. Ask your inner-child "what would be totally crazy" and go with it. Perhaps the wand opens a one-way portal to random demi-plane. Nothing bad comes through, just weird or odd. Perhaps it summons 1,000 sleeping bunnies.

Or...to really mess with them - it actually summons a dragon...

I was really tempted to actually make it a wand of Summon Two Dragons. Since I told them it wouldn't summon a dragon. Then just have the two dragons be opposites and fight it out above the party, and probably over shadowing what ever problem they were fighting at the time.

Though, the wand of one way portals to demi planes sounds pretty awesome, just drop a ton of bunnies onto things.

[Deophaun]

It's a wand of dispel magic. But it can only target itself.

[ExLibrisMortis]

The wand of '+5 luck bonus on any natural 1 roll on a Spellcraft check'.

More realistically, it could be a single-charge wand that summons a particular instance of some extradimensional hideout (Mordenkainen's Mansion for instance), with some small loot. It could be some mage's leftover scrolls and caster paraphernalia, or even a magical location of itself, granting some feat or SLA related to wands, extradimensional hideouts or failing skill checks (or healing, if you still need that).

[Nibbens]

The wand of '+5 luck bonus on any natural 1 roll on a Spellcraft check'.

More realistically, it could be a single-charge wand that summons a particular instance of some extradimensional hideout (Mordenkainen's Mansion for instance), with some small loot. It could be some mage's leftover scrolls and caster paraphernalia, or even a magical location of itself, granting some feat or SLA related to wands, extradimensional hideouts or failing skill checks (or healing, if you still need that).

Playing off this idea - it summons a doorway that leads to another dungeon.

[Flickerdart]

The wand summons more copies of itself.

[Tarlek Flamehai]

It doesn't cast anything, rather it is the anchor for a permanent effect....Halaster's teleport cage maybe.

[Honest Tiefling]

The wand replicates different potions or the effects of random alchemical substances.

[Renen]

Its a wand that casts commune with a god of drugs, and relaxation.
Roll d10 if its 10, you get an answer. If its not, he replies "I dunno maaaaan"

[Honest Tiefling]

Its a wand that casts commune with a god of drugs, and relaxation.
Roll d10 if its 10, you get an answer. If its not, he replies "I dunno maaaaan"

The players might just think you are mocking them by mimicking them.

[Tohsaka Rin]

It's a wand of perceived truths, crafted by the somewhat lazy Leb'ow'skeh.

Using the wand creates a 10-foot radius field, anyone in the field who states something they believe to be true, but isn't (all elves are jerks!) it states, lazily; "Well, that's just your opinion, man."

Truly, Leb'ow'skeh was a wise man.

[Renen]

Or a wand of magic mouth that tells endless knock knock jokes.

[gr8artist]

Ah, old Merlin and his "Pull my wand" gag.


Make it an intelligent item. It knows that it dies if its charges run out, so every time someone tries to use it, it tries to convince them not to and let them live.
I second the intelligent item of "please don't use me"
You could have it cast a really nice compulsion spell, but give it intelligent item properties that let it cast the same compulsion spell 1/day without draining charges.
So, if your players can successfully figure it out, they can get it to willingly donate 1 casting per day with it's intelligent item powers, but if they ever piss it off and try to cast it with a charge the item gets all indignant and no longer freely donates 1/day castings.
Permanent 1/day item until pushed, at which point it becomes a charged item with 50 charges, that uses it's 1/day power to keep you from using the charges.

Seems like a fitting reward for a whole bunch of natural 1's.

On a somewhat more serious note, make it a wand of Limp Lash (http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic/all-spells/l/limp-lash) (PF, but it's supposed to be exotic anyway) that manifests as a laser whip (http://www.swtor-fever.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Lightwhip-261x300.jpg) of some kind. It's still technically a wand, but it begins to cross the boundary into an actual weapon.

[animewatcha]

What about the Wand of Random Comedy Ringtones.. Like the nuclear alarm for the wife one.

[Bullet06320]

Ah, old Merlin and his "Pull my wand" gag.


Make it an intelligent item. It knows that it dies if its charges run out, so every time someone tries to use it, it tries to convince them not to and let them live.

a cursed intelligent wand of Vacate Bowels its from the Renegade Wizards Spellbook by Mongoose Publishing, the spell pretty much does as advertised
the curse is, it cast the spell on the one that activates the wand

[ericgrau]

Wand of Summoning Drag Annes. Pro tip: Anne is not really a woman.

[Bronk]

I'll second the rod of wonder idea!

Make it an eternal wand that acts as the rod of wonder, and use one of the cooler, alternate list of possibilities instead of the standard list. That would up it's cool factor, eliminate a 50 charge spree, and keep it around for longer.

Then, on top of that, you could make it a gate key, so it has another layer cool plot to go with it. I wonder where a gate with a key like that would lead?

[ArcanistSupreme]

What if it summons pseudodragons? The first time they use it, be sure to give them an epic description of a flight of dragons bursting forth from a cloud of smoke and flame, screaming and snapping their jaws. Only let on later that the dragons are the size of house cats.

[Blackhawk748]

Though, the wand of one way portals to demi planes sounds pretty awesome, just drop a ton of bunnies onto things.

Self Replicating Adamantine Clockwork Horrors shaped like bunnies. I believe this was someones army actually as i recall a thread discussing this. So a portal to the plane the wrecked would be horrifying, and a bit funny.

Otherwise summon 2 dragons, preferably a Red and a Silver and preferably Ancient and let them duke it out with the party scrambling to gtfo of the way

[Honest Tiefling]

What if it summons pseudodragons? The first time they use it, be sure to give them an epic description of a flight of dragons bursting forth from a cloud of smoke and flame, screaming and snapping their jaws. Only let on later that the dragons are the size of house cats.

And then the horde of dragons starts playing pranks on the party. I love this.

[Blackhawk748]

And then the horde of dragons starts playing pranks on the party. I love this.

Are psuedodragons small enough to be made into a swarm?

[Seharvepernfan]

Make it a polymorphed dragon.

[Renen]

Its a wand of summon Orcus!!!

[kellbyb]

Its a wand of summon Orcus!!!

FTFY. Show some respect for the lord of the dead.

[Renen]

Hail orcus!

[Troacctid]

They were convinced it summons dragons because they could clearly see the runes on it that indicate "summon" and "dragons." That's pretty unambiguous, right? Except it doesn't summon the dragons to you...it summons you to the dragons. Using the wand teleports you to a dragon's lair, as word of recall.

[Honest Tiefling]

Two dragons try to get cozy with one another over a nice feast of roasted knight since their most recent clutch left the lair and they have some alone time. They sip from goblets filled with molten metal and sit by the fireplace...And then some screaming two-legged pests plop themselves into the lair. Some people!

[Blackhawk748]

They were convinced it summons dragons because they could clearly see the runes on it that indicate "summon" and "dragons." That's pretty unambiguous, right? Except it doesn't summon the dragons to you...it summons you to the dragons. Using the wand teleports you to a dragon's lair, as word of recall.

Even better, the Dragon is a Draconic Ascendant who is a big player in Xorvintaal (think i spelt that right) and they plan on using the party to undo a recent setback.

[Bucky]

Modify Memory. You were thinking about summoning dragons when you used the wand, right?

[Draco_Lord]

This is all great stuff!

I have decided on using the Rod of Wonders Idea, but instead of the normal table making my own, basing a lot of things in it from the stuff I read here.
And everything dragon related is currently on it. I have no idea what will happen when they use it, but it should be amazing!

[ZamielVanWeber]

A Rod of Wonder (http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Rod_of_Wonder) seems like it'd fit.

A Greater Rod of Wonder (http://archive.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20060807a) is funnier, especially when they open gates to lower planes.

[Flickerdart]

Its a wand of summon Orcus!!!
Redundant. Every wand is a wand of summon Orcus.

[Kid Jake]

Modify Memory.

That strikes me as something with the potential to be hilarious. Turns out they never actually failed a check to activate the wand, the wand just repeatedly made them think they did.

[KingSmitty]

i have to second the rod of wonder, they'll use it and it will do one thing, so theyll expect it to be a wand of invisibility or whatever, until they use it again and summon a large rhino

[Banjoman42]

As a trap, I once had an unidentifiable wand. When the rogue UMDed it, it turned out to be a wand of summon 2 wands of "summon 2 wands", which then immediately activated. Soon the entire room was filled with wands.

[Thurbane]

Wand of Summon Monster I, but it only summons Giant Rats with the Draconic template...

...or better yet, a Huitzil (Dragon Magic p.114) with the Celestial or Fiendish template.

[ZamielVanWeber]

i have to second the rod of wonder, they'll use it and it will do one thing, so theyll expect it to be a wand of invisibility or whatever, until they use it again and summon a large rhino

I once saw someone who, excepting one time, only rolled Fireball. They thought their wand was broken for that brief time.

[Afgncaap5]

Wow, loads of good ideas here.

The first thing that came to mind for me was having the wand just accidentally cause a lot of bandages and tourniquettes to spring from the place where it would've summoned dragons, based on the DMG's suggestion that a failed check to activate a wand of Knock might conjure dozens of tiny, open door frames. But I think a lot of the other ideas here are better.

[Renen]

OR! Its a wand of PaO (that is automatically permanent) that transforms you into a dragon... a pseudodragon. So you use it and BAM! there's a dragon. They then learn that they misread the text and it wasnt a wand of summon dragon, but a wand of "make" dragon. Subtle difference.

[Seppo87]

Playing off this idea - it summons a doorway that leads to another dungeon.and that dungeon contains a dragon

[Renen]

Or even better:

It makes the whole setting more "Dragon"
https://i.imgflip.com/gaqqc.jpg

[Bucky]

That strikes me as something with the potential to be hilarious. Turns out they never actually failed a check to activate the wand, the wand just repeatedly made them think they did.

Modify Memory requires the caster to concentrate on whatever they want the memory to be. So if the caster doesn't know what it the wand is, it can make the target think the wand did whatever the caster thought it would do when he activated it.

[Renen]

Modify Memory requires the caster to concentrate on whatever they want the memory to be. So if the caster doesn't know what it the wand is, it can make the target think the wand did whatever the caster thought it would do when he activated it.

Its a StP Erudite that was transformed into a wand?

[MesiDoomstalker]

Its a StP Erudite that was transformed into a wand?

Screw Psychic Sandwhich, I wanna be Psionic Stick!

[goto124]

Modify Memory requires the caster to concentrate on whatever they want the memory to be. So if the caster doesn't know what it the wand is, it can make the target think the wand did whatever the caster thought it would do when he activated it.

*ahem* Rule of Funny.

Pretty sure this is the Wand of Hideous Laughter. It breaks the 4th wall and works on the players.

[Draco_Lord]

*ahem* Rule of Funny.

Pretty sure this is the Wand of Hideous Laughter. It breaks the 4th wall and works on the players.

It really is just that. A fantastic wand for making people laugh. Also cry, but comedy is sad sometimes.

Still getting ideas from this, adding to my list for this wand of wonders. The Bunny storm went well, though. They rained a thousand bunnies down onto a town by mistake, and the whole party was terrified, while the players were laughing.