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Dhavaer
2007-04-06, 07:54 AM
That's what the judge says in one of the events of the Alabaster Cup (detailed in Complete Warrior). How would you go about obliging her?

Variable Arcana
2007-04-06, 08:12 AM
Roll an intimidate check.

:smalltongue:

Threeshades
2007-04-06, 08:15 AM
Roll an intimidate check.

:smalltongue:

or maybe perform.

Jalil
2007-04-06, 08:19 AM
yeh, perform(weapon Drill) would be best, I think, or any other performs you might have.
(Tangent?)
Maybe try cramming your entire party into a portable hole, attach that to the inside of your cloak, and then pull them out like a magician does with a handkerchief chain. That'd impress me.

Shiny, Bearer of the Pokystick
2007-04-06, 08:22 AM
What, like the bozo boostergangers?

Given my tastes in martial characters, I'd go for some feat of archery; spitting a fly against a column by its wings, firing an arrow through each petal of a falling rose...

Alternatively, I'd say "Wait for tonight: third room on the left, Inn of the Thrusting Pony."

Krellen
2007-04-06, 08:31 AM
Alternatively, I'd say "Wait for tonight: third room on the left, Inn of the Thrusting Pony."
Wow, only took three posts for that one to come out.

I'd execute a Whirlwind Attack. Not many Fighters invest the feats for that.

Shiny, Bearer of the Pokystick
2007-04-06, 08:34 AM
Wow, only took three posts for that one to come out.

I'd execute a Whirlwind Attack. Not many Fighters invest the feats for that.
Hey, he specified 'her', and what else is that high Charisma modifier for?
Judge not, greatsword gerty, lest ye be judged. :smallwink:

Though, your idea's good too.

Tweekinator
2007-04-06, 09:13 AM
Pull a David Blaine and eat my own face. Bet she'd be impressed with that. But have a cleric friend nearby for Resurrection.

ExHunterEmerald
2007-04-06, 09:43 AM
An acrobatic combat form where, using climb and jump checks, I leap from pillar to pillar, kicking off their, taking out flying enemies inbetween with single (spring) attacks as I go. At the end I'd land on the tallest column and do a driving slash below me and sunder it, riding it all the way to the ground. The two halves would fall in either direction and knock down the rest, dominos style.

...no, I haven't been playing Megaman Zero 4, what makes you say that?

Fax Celestis
2007-04-06, 09:54 AM
Turn my hands into brilliant energy weapons through sheer force of will (Sun Soul Monk ftw!).

HempRope
2007-04-06, 10:11 AM
Kill her?

Naw, perhaps woo her with poetry.

Assassinfox
2007-04-06, 10:15 AM
Perform a Desert Wind maneauver!

Kultrum
2007-04-06, 10:23 AM
cast charm person

Lolzords
2007-04-06, 10:31 AM
Make a ride check on her. :smallamused:

martyboy74
2007-04-06, 10:31 AM
cast charm person

*sings* Anything you can do, wizards can do better! *sings*

More seriously, the martial adepts seem like the right way to go. Maybe use a Shadow Hand maneuver to teleport directly behind her.

Assassinfox
2007-04-06, 10:32 AM
Make a ride check on her. :smallamused:

And a use rope check...

>_>

<_<

Kultrum
2007-04-06, 10:33 AM
*sings* Anything you can do, wizards can do better!"

*sings* no one can stab a fool better then me!

Clementx
2007-04-06, 10:35 AM
Dimension door to the nearest garden and back to bring her a flower. Hey, if it sorta works for Hiro, it can work for you. You do have boots that do that, right?

AKA_Bait
2007-04-06, 11:14 AM
I dunno. Simply meeting her eyes and responding.

"No. Screw you *****."

Keeping the eyes locked and standing there might impress her. I'd be impressed by the sheer nads of that guy.

PnP Fan
2007-04-06, 11:40 AM
I'm with Bait on this one. I'd say, "Combat is meant for killing, not sporting events." and then I'd probably walk out. Of course, as a player I probably wouldn't have entered the contest in the first place, except to pacify my fellow players.

However, I think a lot of the more amorous suggestions would be fun to play out, lol! ;-)

elliott20
2007-04-06, 12:42 PM
I dunno. Simply meeting her eyes and responding.

"No. Screw you *****."

Keeping the eyes locked and standing there might impress her. I'd be impressed by the sheer nads of that guy.
that depends entirely upon her attitude towards blind machismo

storybookknight
2007-04-06, 12:46 PM
Knowing me, I'm playing a Fighter/Bard multiclass.

So? I start bragging, using my skills of oral performance, singing songs about the epic deeds which brought me to that place. The dragons I've killed, giants I've toppled, and all the rest.

Annarrkkii
2007-04-06, 12:49 PM
Hmmm...

Were I a bard or rogue, I'd do several Perform checks, and perhaps throw in Sleight of Hand and Tumble. If I were a bard, I'd add in Arcane Accompaniment or Flourish, and some illusionery.

Maroon
2007-04-06, 12:54 PM
Walk forward, jump, and hang suspended in the air until every person in the audience has had their turn.

Rama_Lei
2007-04-06, 01:06 PM
Burst into your best Shanaia Twain? "That don't impress me much."
http://youtube.com/watch?v=5Pt-pZ0Tx6Q
For those unfamiliar.

Were-Sandwich
2007-04-06, 01:10 PM
Knowing me, I'm playing a Fighter/Bard multiclass.

So? I start bragging, using my skills of oral performance, singing songs about the epic deeds which brought me to that place. The dragons I've killed, giants I've toppled, and all the rest.
Yeah, that might impress her a lot.:smallbiggrin:

CharPixie
2007-04-06, 01:34 PM
Juggle plates with swords.

Bears With Lasers
2007-04-06, 01:35 PM
I commit Hara-Kiri right there on the spot.

She'd definitely be impressed. And horrified, maybe, but impressed.

elliott20
2007-04-06, 01:37 PM
I find something better to do than to pander to some random person's idle challenge.

Ramza00
2007-04-06, 01:38 PM
*sings* Anything you can do, wizards can do better! *sings*

it isn't wizard, its artificers :smallwink: but yeah that is one of the songs on this board.

Lord Iames Osari
2007-04-06, 01:38 PM
Yeah, that might impress her a lot.:smallbiggrin:

Crap, I was gonna make that joke...

Cybren
2007-04-06, 01:39 PM
I'd do that thing where it looks like you remove your thumb but really your not and when the DM says that's dumb i'll jab it in his eye.

Ramza00
2007-04-06, 01:46 PM
I commit Hara-Kiri right there on the spot.

She'd definitely be impressed. And horrified, maybe, but impressed.
Cast Pact of Return right before you kill yourself, setting the right conditions of your death, and you will be instantly resurrected with no level/xp loss. Additionally Pact of Return only uses a 7th lvl spell, no material or xp costs.

"I am Phoenix (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phoenix_%28comics%29)"

Just Alex
2007-04-06, 03:30 PM
Walk outside, kill some goblins (or other level appropriate monster) until i level up. Come back 20 minutes later multiclassed into wizard. Taking 20 minutes to learn all the nuances of wizardry is damned impressive in my book.

Lemur
2007-04-06, 03:40 PM
I'd vomit out my intestines and strangle the bugger with 'em. That'll teach him to get snarky with me.

Alternatively, make cookies for everyone.

ocato
2007-04-06, 03:47 PM
Fight three same level barbarians and defeat them without much trouble. As a bard.

That really happened in an arena style fight. I've never seen so many 1s for saving throws in one night.

Tor the Fallen
2007-04-06, 03:58 PM
Take my pants off.

Ramza00
2007-04-06, 04:52 PM
Take my pants off.
You rolled an 18 for charisma didn't you :smallwink:

Nowhere Girl
2007-04-06, 06:06 PM
Roll a Bluff check and convince her that I really did impress her, after all.

tsuyoshikentsu
2007-04-06, 06:14 PM
Pick up the nearest castle and throw it.

Hulking Hurler wins again.

Kaazmodan
2007-04-06, 06:26 PM
come on.... it's not that hard.... read out some Vogon Poetry and then victory is yours :P

I'm surprised that this suggestion still hasn't turned up! youth nowadays :P

Kel_Arath
2007-04-06, 06:32 PM
Make a ride check on her. :smallamused:
haha, or knowledge dungeoneering if the ride chech is needed for every champion.

Mewtarthio
2007-04-06, 06:39 PM
Be a Venerable Half-Elf with high Charisma. Use Diplomacy to make her Fanatic towards you. She declares you the winner despite the fact that you'd be dead in five seconds of real combat.

Kill her. She won't be impressed, but killing is always the answer.

Pull something out of the 3D Prince of Persia series. You know, run up a wall, kick of said wall, climb a chimney using nothing but wall kicks, then land on some sap and kill him silently, then climb on top of another guy and slash him in the back.

The Great Skenardo
2007-04-06, 06:42 PM
One word for ya: Prestidigitation!

...Eh?
2007-04-06, 07:02 PM
Put a Sphere of Annihilation (sp?) right in the middle of the other contestents via whatever the necklace is that lets you do that, then throw a rod of cancellation at it. (You could alternatively cast Pact of Return like someone else said and hit the sphere with it. Actually, that would work a lot better. Cast it on the princess as well.) If she's not dead, you win be default.

Kultrum
2007-04-06, 07:06 PM
come on.... it's not that hard.... read out some Vogon Poetry and then victory is yours :P

I'm surprised that this suggestion still hasn't turned up! youth nowadays :P

that wouldn't impress her, it would kill her:smallbiggrin:

Charity
2007-04-06, 07:21 PM
I'd brand her with my initials.

ilovefire
2007-04-06, 07:46 PM
I would arrange to be standing directly in front of a worked stone pillar. Upon her command, I would turn around and punch the pillar as hard as possible, making cracks in it that spell out my initials, a heart, and then her initials.

Now, I figure a wizard or a psion would have the easiest time with that, but i'm trying to figure out what spell or power would let me.

martyboy74
2007-04-06, 07:58 PM
I would arrange to be standing directly in front of a worked stone pillar. Upon her command, I would turn around and punch the pillar as hard as possible, making cracks in it that spell out my initials, a heart, and then her initials.

Now, I figure a wizard or a psion would have the easiest time with that, but i'm trying to figure out what spell or power would let me.

Stone Shape?

Viscount Einstrauss
2007-04-06, 08:05 PM
Murder the other contestants and make a delicious cake out of them. Culinary death is very impressive.

martyboy74
2007-04-06, 08:20 PM
Murder the other contestants and make a delicious cake out of them. Culinary death is very impressive.

Murder? :smallconfused:

Viscount Einstrauss
2007-04-06, 08:23 PM
It's that lawful term for that really fun thing you do on Boys' Night Out. You know, the part with the stabbing and the screaming and the blood. That's certainly my favorite part.

martyboy74
2007-04-06, 08:29 PM
It's that lawful term for that really fun thing you do on Boys' Night Out. You know, the part with the stabbing and the screaming and the blood. That's certainly my favorite part.

I know what it is, I was just wondering why you'd bother with it in that scenario. If you baked the pie it'd kill 'em anyways. Eating 'em live would probably do something to you relationship with her, at the least.

Kel_Arath
2007-04-06, 08:30 PM
Murder the other contestants and make a delicious cake out of them. Culinary death is very impressive.
plus everyone loves cake!

Genome
2007-04-06, 09:06 PM
Step 1: True Mind Switch with her.
Step 2: Giggle.

Alternatively, find transportation to the upper atmosphere. Fall. Survive, easily.

the_tick_rules
2007-04-06, 10:04 PM
profession gigolo check.

GunMage
2007-04-07, 12:38 AM
You could always just play a jade phoenix mage, and explode for her. That should be suitably impressive.

Krimm_Blackleaf
2007-04-07, 12:41 AM
You could always just play a jade phoenix mage, and explode for her. That should be suitably impressive.
Wow, that's perfect...

"Hey guys, you know what's cool?"
"No, what?"
*BOOM!!*
"OH MY GOD!!!"
*shoomp*
"Hehe, got you guys!....guys?...oh...." *runs*

TheOOB
2007-04-07, 01:17 AM
Use a diplomacy check to stop a balor from killing you?

Use magic suggestion to create the first medieval wave?

The_Werebear
2007-04-07, 01:48 AM
Set her on fire with your mind alone.

As soon as the words are out of her mouth, headbutt her in the stomach.

Bring her the severed male bits of the competition.

Slay an advanced Lycanthrope with a silver toothpick.

Machete
2007-04-07, 06:24 PM
Successfully wield swordchucks.


Yo.

Krimm_Blackleaf
2007-04-07, 06:31 PM
Unhinge your jaw and swallow a live baby whole. Though the older the more impressive.

PaladinBoy
2007-04-07, 07:09 PM
Two ideas:

1) Control weather as a spell-like ability. I wonder if a hurricane impresses her? :smallbiggrin:

2) "Look up." *bound elemental airship barely misses lighting her on fire as it flies overhead*

NullAshton
2007-04-07, 07:26 PM
Use your ranks of Perform(Breakdance) while slaughtering summoned creatures?

anphorus
2007-04-07, 07:33 PM
Murder the other contestants and make a delicious cake out of them. Culinary death is very impressive.

Delicious Cake! She must eat it!

Take off your underwear without taking off your pants.
Lick your own elbow.
Warp into an alternate universe where you've already impressed her.

Genome
2007-04-07, 08:04 PM
Display your vast knowledge of C++.
Create a diorama of prairie land wildlife.

Cybren
2007-04-07, 08:06 PM
do a pushup.
Then reveal you lengthened the year by a day. (pay a wizard buddy to make that part happen)

lacesmcawesome
2007-04-07, 08:09 PM
Steal her weapons with my mage hand, then hold a sword to her throat.

DraPrime
2007-04-07, 08:10 PM
Use those ranks in Perform (stripper) that I've invested just for such a situation. And make the occasional dirty pun.

Quietus
2007-04-07, 11:07 PM
Step 1: True Mind Switch with her.
Step 2: Giggle.

If you happen to have a high charisma, make sure you grab yourself before you do this.

Personally? I'd use my ability to teleport behind her (Homebrew feat that lets me break the monk's Abundant Step into several more minor Flash Steps, though anyone with teleport at will or even a spellcaster could do this), and whisper in her ear, asking her to name an object she can see. Then hand her that object, without leaving that spot.

Alternatively, with my Rojoro character (who travels covered in rags head to toe to prevent others from seeing that he's actually a halfdragon), I could simply reveal what I am. Not that he'd get involved in something like this.

My wererat rogue - climb the ceiling, effortlessly. Sit on it above her head, and inform her that I'd like to see what the other contestants are capable of before I show off my tricks. After everyone else has made their attempts, laugh, and then inform her of where I'm staying, assuring her that she will, indeed, be impressed.

Kultrum
2007-04-07, 11:15 PM
set 10 fire traps up in a circle in such a way that if one goes off then next one will go off (dominoes) then evade each blast while simultaneously preparing to have to evade the next one

DraPrime
2007-04-08, 09:34 AM
Go on a killing spree and kill the other contestants. That way some of them don't get to try. And it looks impressive.

Viscount Einstrauss
2007-04-08, 09:40 AM
Keeps getting suggested. But you lack panache, kid. Here's how you kill with impressive style-

You need a buddy. One of you is a wizard, the other is a barbarian. The wizard goes over to a contestant and casts clone on him. While the contestant either marvels at it or says "What, that's it? I can cast that!", the barbarian goes into a rage. Then, the barbarian picks up the clone and bludgeons the original to death with himself.

martyboy74
2007-04-08, 09:44 AM
Use those ranks in Perform (stripper) that I've invested just for such a situation. And make the occasional dirty pun.

Would that be with or without a Belt of Growth?

Hazkali
2007-04-08, 11:10 AM
I would cast... Ironwood (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/ironwood.htm)...

:smallbiggrin:

GunMage
2007-04-08, 02:13 PM
I would cast... Ironwood (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/ironwood.htm)...

:smallbiggrin:

Now, read that entry again and try not to laugh.

DraPrime
2007-04-08, 03:17 PM
Now, read that entry again and try not to laugh.

I don't think that's even possible. Now then. Next thing.

Drink a bottle of alchemists fire before the contest. Whenever you go to the bathroom keep whatever comes out. Watch the amazement on everyones face when a bottle of piss catches on fire (the piss, not the bottle).

Illiterate Scribe
2007-04-08, 03:46 PM
Foresight - celerity - timestop - forcecage - cloud kill.

I would think of something wittier, but I've finally given up, and seen the light. 60% of the time on this board, the above is always the answer.

martyboy74
2007-04-08, 05:02 PM
Use either your Rod of Force's Blade of Force option or Rod of Viscid Globs (Yes, both of those are real items).

Genome
2007-04-08, 05:18 PM
*snip*
60% of the time on this board, the above is always the answer.

Maybe because 60% of the time, it works all the time?

For another solution, steal your own pants without noticing.

DraPrime
2007-04-08, 08:37 PM
Steal her dress without her noticing and then blame it on the other contestants so that they are in disfavor. Then do my flaming piss strategy (above).

my_evil_twin
2007-04-08, 11:08 PM
(It's possible that I told this story before, a long time ago.)

I had a low level gestalt wild elf barbarian/cleric in a situation not unlike this one, basically a very open-ended performing competition.

He did the most impressive thing he could think of. He took his longsword and stabbed himself, full-force, in the chest, nearly killing himself. He then removed the sword and healed himself fully.

This certainly made an impression on the audience, but he lost the contest. He always maintained thereafter, though, that he had been much more impressive than the pansy wizard that had gotten the prize.

Aximili
2007-04-08, 11:34 PM
Sacrifice minions for her.
Is there any problem it can't solve?

Fax Celestis
2007-04-08, 11:37 PM
Cast nailed to the sky on her.

SMDVogrin
2007-04-09, 12:16 AM
Sacrifice minions for her.
Is there any problem it can't solve?

You know, I could actually see this working some of the time if done right. (See also: Thulsa Doom)

CockroachTeaParty
2007-04-09, 12:34 AM
I would tell her that I'm directly related to George Washington, and then throw a knife into heaven just to prove it.

brian c
2007-04-09, 01:08 AM
I commit Hara-Kiri right there on the spot.

She'd definitely be impressed horrified. And horrified impressed, maybe, but impressed horrified.

I think that's what you meant.

Hm... only time I've done anything like this in an actual game, my monk deflected arrows shot at him; an epic monk could deflect all sorts of things and be much more impressive.

Turning into a dragon is probably pretty impressive; fighting off several people while blindfolded (not too hard if you have one or more of blindsense, blindsight, scent, tremor sense); a lot of the Master Thrower tricks would be pretty darn impressive

Kioran
2007-04-09, 02:50 AM
I would sprout Fiendish Wings and fly off with her.......

Rockphed
2007-04-09, 02:55 AM
Smirk...do the whole Goa'uld glowing eyes thing...sit down.

Dan_Hemmens
2007-04-09, 08:33 AM
Surely the correct answer to this and any question that relies on the subjective judgement of an NPC is "second guess your DM's personal biases".

elliott20
2007-04-09, 10:46 AM
- create a thread on an unknown internet board asking for methods to impress her. the effort alone should be worth something

- stand underneath her balcony window in the rain with a boombox over my head blasting "what is love", and somehow not get electricuted in the process

- go through an elaborate scheme to set up hidden cameras in her apartment and turning up the heat in her house in the hopes of catching a glimpse of her changing a la the fashion of Animal House nerds.

- Pay an even more popular girl some place to give me a make over through montage sequence with some teen music as a background, and re-emerging as the new cool kid on the block.

- perform some other zany stunt stolen off some bad 80s teen movie.

Edo
2007-04-09, 01:25 PM
If you're a gnome, tell The Aristocrats (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Aristocrats_(joke)). Especially if you have ranks in Divine Prankster.

Aximili
2007-04-09, 07:33 PM
Throw goblins at her!
Worst case cenario: you'll have less goblins.

martyboy74
2007-04-09, 08:19 PM
Throw goblins at her!
Worst case cenario: you'll have less goblins.
Worst case scenario: The goblins take a whiz on her forehead, and her guards capture and kill you.

Matthew
2007-04-10, 02:28 PM
Use Two Weapon Fighting to defeat a Wizard, Cleric and then a Druid in Player versus Player combat.