[3.5] Janky Magic Items

[pwcsponson]

What are your favorite janky magic items, published or no? I've been playing 3.5 a long time now but I've never really looked at ALL the magic items, only the obviously effective ones. I enjoyed combing through Shax's Haversack for its borderline-game-breaking pragmatism, but now that I've finally found a very fun group to play with, I'd like to look at janky fun magic items that make players and dms alike say "Why is this a thing?"

I mean, personally, there was this one item that I really enjoyed, but never got to actually buy nor use, so I can't for the life of me remember it! It was a magic map, that when you tell the DM you want to 'scry' some place, it (in it's description) forced the DM to either draw you a map, or a short description of what you see, because. So you just start naming random locations and making him draw you stupid stuff so long as you have the item.

[Flickerdart]

The Rod of Wonder is a classic. Roll on a table of random effects - maybe you'll grow horns, maybe you'll turn green, maybe you'll get some gold.

[LoyalPaladin]

The Rod of Wonder is a classic. Roll on a table of random effects - maybe you'll grow horns, maybe you'll turn green, maybe you'll get some gold.
I was always a big fan of the Deck of Many Things. I like giving it to people when I DM because most players know what it is, but almost none are willing to pull a card.

[Segev]

Within the last year or so, I conceived of a cloak which, when turned grey-side out, uses Silent Image and a touch of Create Water to create an illusion of a clammy fog that surrounds the character, much like Obscuring Mist.

Because it's an illusion, he knows what it is and can see through it. He can also tell his allies what it is, so they get a save with a +4 bonus against the DC 11.

Lacking any real means to interact with it, foes who don't know better never get a save.

Concealment for you and some of your allies which doesn't grant the same to your foes!

[Thatwarforged]

I was always a big fan of the Deck of Many Things. I like giving it to people when I DM because most players know what it is, but almost none are willing to pull a card.

Haha that's funny the last time a DM used the Deck of Many Things in his campaign I just wanted to screw with him so drew literally 6 or 7 cards (Got a joker twice) and I was at level 5 and I jumped to like 16, Got turned Lawful Evil (Not a auto removal since he allowed evil), a cohort, eminity against an outsider and know answer to next question, one fool and the pen to intelligence and I think I got the pen to saves. Safe to say I was not allowed to play the character anymore but everyone got a big laugh at it and the GM was mortified

[Glimbur]

The Apparatus of the Crab is hilarious. By the time you can afford it you have better ways to go underwater and it is too fragile for combat. But it's very funny.

[(Un)Inspired]

Rod of Lordly Might. It really sounds like something a moron would name his wang.

[Nibbens]

Someone among these forums once mentioned a talking plunger for a toilet. It was actually an intelligent magic item that functioned as a +3 Mace of Otyugh slaying.

[danzibr]

Rod of Lordly Might. It really sounds like something a moron would name his wang.
Classic. Gives me an idea.

I like Immovable Rods. They have an activation word (iirc). I made my party say, ``Ho yo metal bar, go!'' every time they used one.

[Zaq]

I've always found the Trident of Fish Command to be worthy of raising a confused eyebrow. By the time you can afford it (it's not cheap), 14 HD of aquatic animals isn't that much, and it's a pretty low Will save. I can't envision a situation when the party is going to say "gee, I'm really glad we kept this Trident of Fish Command instead of selling it and buying something we actually wanted!"

[Segev]

I often want the Helm of Brilliance to be useful, but like the Rod of Lordly Might, it's just too expensive for what it does. Especially since it's a charged item that eventually is exhausted.