View Full Version : Gamer Humor Famous Last Words: I Couldn't Find Any Precursors

2015-02-25, 01:46 PM
I expected there to be previous threads with this theme, but if there are, I couldn't find the right search string to locate them.

What are some funny things a character/player might have (or did!) say just before meeting his untimely but heavily foreshadowed death?

Some examples I've dredged up from memories of when my first gaming group used to amuse themselves with this, as well as others I've made up on the spot (those would be the not-so-good ones):

"I didn't know the DM had that many dice!"
"I backstab the dragon!"
"The only way I could fail is if I roll a natural 1."
"Surely the DM isn't still holding a grudge about killing off his BEG in one shot last session!"
"Relax, there's no way they could find us in here!"
"What do you mean that was the DM's sister I was hitting on?"
"Wait! I haven't checked that door for traps yet!"
"What Orcus?"
"Sorry, I forgot it was my night to bring pizza."
"Surely the dragon won't miss this one piece of gold...."
"He's standing right behind me, isn't he?"
"I can't make it tonight. Can you run my character for me?"
"Let's pull a prank on that room full of drunk dwarven berserkers!"
"What's the worst thing I can call the king's mother?"

2015-02-25, 02:11 PM
"With these stats, there's no way the DM could kill me"

2015-02-25, 03:17 PM
Unfortunately the character didn't die, but the best one so far has been:

"I run from the cablesnakes"

However, from the only character that actually died:

(To a fellow PC)"Hey, I wasn't the one who decided to kill your husband."

2015-02-25, 03:52 PM
Come on, it's just a boar... a regular boar, not even a dire boar, and there are three of us. How bad can it possibly be?

2015-02-26, 06:50 AM
I told you we shouldn't have listened to the sorceror again.

2015-02-26, 07:10 AM
These are translated, and may not be strictly correct, as I didn't exactly write them down. But they all come from actual gameplay:

"Come on, we can take one more room tonight!"
TPK ensued.

"I try to Tumble away from the ettin."
Not enough ranks to do it reliably.

"I accept the challenge."
Lost the rocket-launcher tag.

"I attack the death knight."
It was a parley, and the death knight already had an eye on the PC for being trouble.

"What are the odds the gnolls will even hit?"
Dunno, but two crits later...

2015-02-26, 07:43 AM
"I cast Detect Thoughts"
In front of the chieftain, not even subtly

"I slide down the banister"
Then failed to hang on, falling three storeys

"He's talking too much, I attack."
Teleported into swamp full of hungry crocodiles

"He's talking in a language I don't understand, must be a spell. I attack."
Was actually being insulted in draconic, the spell came as a response

"It knows too much"
Awakened animals now understand you, and respond accordingly

"I grab the Sigil from the queen's belt"
While she was wearing it. In the middle of her court.

"There isn't a cell in the world that can hold me"
He was then deprived of his thieves tools

"My only regret is that I made more friends than enemies"
The other way around would have been worse for him

"I'm hiding, they can't hit me"
Didnt count on splash thrown weapons

"Death from above"
Missed the stab, faceplanted floor from 45'

"I poison the dwarf's ale"
Dwarves are resistant to poison

"I murder the dwarf's wife and frame him for it"
Didnt know dwarven

"Its a magic weapon, we have to try"
Was caught trying to steal it

2015-02-26, 09:03 AM
This is in a homebrewed Star Wars tabletop RPG:
"Our ships overlapped! We should collide if the GM rolls a 20!"

Sure enough...

2015-02-26, 09:31 AM
From an Iron Kingdoms game, though that's irrelevant to the quote:

*puts down the PHB after having read through it for the entirety of the last round*
"I'm about to do something so stupid, there are no rules for it in the PHB."
*proceeds to fall 3 stories onto an iron lich, dagger first*

Freelance GM
2015-02-26, 11:02 AM
I named my first human Paladin character "Pincushion."

Five levels later, he performed a heroic sacrifice, distracting a barbarian horde while the rest of the party escaped. He died pinned to a stone obelisk by 20 spears.

The Bandicoot
2015-02-26, 11:17 AM
"I'm alive!" Right after being healed from -9 to 10 and one round before getting impaled by three bugbear thrown javelins.

2015-02-26, 01:12 PM
Not quite death, but close enough that it made the overconfident barbarian not take the lead for the rest of the session and has become synonymous with making a bad decision: "I kick the bat."

Also, from a previous game: "I'm going to fly up there. There's no way the one orc can drop me with an AoO!"

2015-02-26, 02:27 PM
`I charge the cryosphinx!`

7th level duskblade, in front of a feline supremacist tibbit Dragonfire Adept.

2015-02-26, 02:51 PM
I named my first human Paladin character "Pincushion."

Five levels later, he performed a heroic sacrifice, distracting a barbarian horde while the rest of the party escaped. He died pinned to a stone obelisk by 20 spears.

"No, I don't think you understand. I'm a pali. I'm supposed to die saving you guys. Quit trying to save me!"

Never played a pali who live to 6th.

2015-02-26, 05:07 PM
'You see a wide bottomless pit across which stands a greybearded old man in an orange cape. 'Tread carefully!' - he exclaims. - 'I've made an invisible bridge with the help of which you can cross the abyss!'

'I check if there is an invisible bridge with my leg.'

'Nope, none you can feel.'



'Hm. I go forward.'

Why don't they ever trust the DM?

2015-02-27, 01:53 PM
This actually happened:

Fighter to caster: "We're winning, don't waste any more spells"

2015-02-27, 02:42 PM
Ogre! Throw me!

Said the fighter to the hulking hurler.

2015-02-27, 03:24 PM
"Wait they filled it with hydrogen?"

Tharion- the gnome beguiler right before the balloon he was on exploded.

2015-02-27, 04:26 PM
"Okay, so with the roll, and all my modifiers, my swim check is -4."

"Phantasmal killer? The spell that requires me to fail two will saves in a row? That's what he casts?"

"The paladins show up? Well, that's it, game over. I'm jumping off this cliff."

"Me too."

2015-02-27, 05:26 PM
After getting lost in the swamp, walking into a nest of giant poisonous centipedes and failing poison save...

Player1: "I told you we should have...hired a ranger! -bleh-"

Player2: "hey! We ALL agreed that the pack mules were a better investment! And we were right! If we didn't have the mules we'd be leaving your stupid body in the swamp!"

Player1: "if we'd hired the ranger, my body wouldn't be in the swamp!"

Player2: "you're dead! Strike that last comment from the record, I win the argument!"

"Keep yer hands offa my stuff!"

2015-02-27, 05:29 PM
"Don't worry, they can't hit us at that dist..." - interrupted by the DM rolling a bunch of dice.

2015-02-27, 10:19 PM
"I read the runes."

I should probably stop using explosive runes against my players.

2015-02-27, 11:04 PM
One from me personally. "Yeah, stepping into the giant Hobgoblin's range seems like an excellent idea."

One that was also me, but I didn't die. "I jump onto the dragon." (Followed by: *makes acrobatics check* "The Dragon takes off." :smallfrown: "Make a grapple check please." *fails horribly* "The dragon does a barrel roll, and you couldn't maintain your grip. You fall off." :smalleek:)

"It's just a fish with tentacles. What's the worst it can do?"

Me OOC after missing a perception check due to being asleep on guard. "Guys? You're not mad right?"

Me again: "I poke the Sylph"

My characters tend to be mildly lacking in common sense apparently. I guess that's just me. For some reason I've survived pretty much all of these except for the aboleth, which hasn't happened yet.

2015-02-28, 02:21 AM
"I pull a chair out to the middle of the square and wave at the guards as they pass." Not my last words, but the last the party saw of my warlock at the table. Zombie plague and some such stuff.

Kid Jake
2015-02-28, 02:32 AM
"You have to choose right now. It's me or him."

2015-02-28, 04:45 PM
As I drink a potion of Spider Climb to make a cautious, meticulous escape, my partner...

"I've got a high enough Tumble, there's no way this jump could kill me!"

He proceeds to leap out the window of the tower without even looking down first, and promptly lands on a jagged rock garden. Next to a patrol sent to find and kill us.

*rolls a nat 1*
"There's no way this is an ambush...ooh, hey, some cool deer tracks! Quick, everyone come over and get distracted!"

Also, in a Traveller game...

"Target the airlock, we'll blast our way out!"

Gunner proceeds to roll too well, and blows out everything. Including the failsafe system. The failsafe system keeping the domed city of 750,000 from violent decompression.

2015-02-28, 05:02 PM
anything involving the following concept:

How bad/hard can it be, or any variation there-of. It's the whole thing of inviting Murphy's Law to interfere.

2015-02-28, 05:37 PM
I found it! (falls into pit trap)

2015-02-28, 05:39 PM

Introducing the most famous last words of all:

"Yes, I'm sure."

2015-02-28, 06:53 PM
No deaths, but quite close: a 1st level party is exploring the city sewers; there have been a number of disappearances in the red-light district. We encountered a flesh golem with a cleaver and a large bag slung over its shoulder, but more inclined to talk rather than attack on sight. Until the party slayer piped up, "Killed any hookers lately?"

2015-02-28, 07:24 PM
Me, OOC: "I'm a tank. My strategy is to wade into the middle of whatever we're fighting, because they'll run out of HP before I do." *looks at DM* "No, that's not a challenge."

That character's actually still alive, but he has found himself unconscious and bleeding to death several times.

2015-03-01, 02:49 PM
"Well, I guess we should have rested after all."

Angel Bob
2015-03-01, 06:29 PM
The only PC who has ever legitimately, RAW, died in our gaming group:

"Ciara, throw me a magic item. I think we're going to need one."

Too bad his Dexterity was atrocious...

2015-03-03, 10:23 PM
Tag! You're it!

I demand a trial by combat

Tarlek Flamehai
2015-03-04, 06:50 AM
"Are you going to eat that?"

2015-03-04, 07:26 AM
"Very few monsters have both power attack and combat reflexes...".
My character died trying to get to and heal the dervish who had been knocked out by the power attack critical attack of opportunity...
(In hindsight we worked out that the critical could not have confirmed, but the DM made an honest mistake. Other players pulled out their favours to make the raise dead a lot cheaper too - very nice bunch for people I had never met before.)

2015-03-04, 08:27 AM
Last words of my elf bard before he was torn to pieces by Annis after being grappled:
"I hope you die from food poisoning, you goddamn wimp!"