smite one liners [3.5]

[Raezeman]

Greetings,

in an upcoming game, i'll be playing a wild elf paladin (of freedom), doing lot' o smiting. Can you help me with some epic one liners i can shout (say at the table) when smiting? Or direct me to somewhere that i can find some nice ones?

In case it's necessary, some facts about my paladin:
name: Halas
race: wild elf
age: 120 years (just about adulthood for an elf)
Main Deity: Corellon larethian
Secondary deity: Kord

I'll mostly be using my smites for charging smites (PHB II variant), so something that would fit being shouted while charging would be perfect!

Cheers!

[sage20500]

Just because it'd be possibly hilarious if you timed it right and the party was familiar with the reference, you could always go with a good old "LEROY JENKINS!!!!!" at one point during the campaign.

All kidding aside, you have your standard "To the Nine Hells with You" types of lines that are pretty classic for most religious types, really what I guess I'd like to know is what kind of personality does your character have? Are they super serious and religious, are they sarcastic and witty? A dark and serious BAMF? Would you consider them to be corny? Could you possibly see them being the main character of some random b grade action/comedy movie? It'd be a lot easier to come up with some better lines to drop if we knew what might be an appropriate thing for your character to say during battle.

[Sam K]

"I see you're smite-en with me!"

Get it? Cause you have high charisma.

Warning: your DM may cause you to fall because the joke is so bad!

[Raezeman]

Just because it'd be possibly hilarious if you timed it right and the party was familiar with the reference, you could always go with a good old "LEROY JENKINS!!!!!" at one point during the campaign.

All kidding aside, you have your standard "To the Nine Hells with You" types of lines that are pretty classic for most religious types, really what I guess I'd like to know is what kind of personality does your character have? Are they super serious and religious, are they sarcastic and witty? A dark and serious BAMF? Would you consider them to be corny? Could you possibly see them being the main character of some random b grade action/comedy movie? It'd be a lot easier to come up with some better lines to drop if we knew what might be an appropriate thing for your character to say during battle.

Pretty sure all know about the Leroy Jenins, though i would shout Halas Nalloth!!!

And for what kind of personality, i'm not sure yet. We still have to start the campaign. Probably: religious yes, serious only when the situation needs it to. Sarcastic: knowing myself probably yes. Witty, well, his intelligence won't really allow that.
Corny is always allowed.

[M Placeholder]

GOOD FOR THE GOOD GOD!
I TAKE THE UN OUT OF UNDEAD!
LET ME TAKE 6 INCHES OFF THE TOP! (prior to decapitation of enemy)
SMOKE THE MOTHER!

[GreenSerpent]

I'm gonna suggest the good old traditional:

SMITE EVIL!

[BWR]

Can't go wrong with the Gamers. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kNpvCVQPm0)

[atemu1234]

AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD, WHEN I LAY MY VENGEANCE UPON YOU! [In your best Samuel L. Jackson impression]

Note my favorite character was a burly, well-muscled Dwarf Cleric who was constantly oiled, who turned undead by Pelvic Thrusting in their direction.

[Summerstorm]

"SNEAK ATTACK!!!"
or
"I just do nonlethal - honest"

[Frozen_Feet]

Corellon is the god of music. Just do a cappella version of Wilhelm Tell (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7O91GDWGPU) as you ride towards the ranks of your enemies.

[Raezeman]

Can't go wrong with the Gamers. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kNpvCVQPm0)

Tough cannot escape my justice - alright, not bad for a start

few moments later

Thou shall die a thousand deaths evil spawn! - not bad, not bad

few moments later

I shall spread the buttery justice of Terin over the toast of your inequity - wait, what?
The circuline jam of light shall sweeten the sour dough of your evil ways - ah, we are going this route are we?

and finally

the spatula of purity shall scramble the eggs of your malfeasance - no comments anymore...

[Raezeman]

"SNEAK ATTACK!!!"

My DM will probably reply with 'Halas, sneak attacks don't work if you shout it out loud.'

[goto124]

And your response should be this (http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/483/894/463.jpg).

[Blackhawk748]

FOR HONOR AND GLORY!!!

I need to AXE you a question

*crazed screaming*

[phlidwsn]

A few from my quotes file, built up from previous threads:


<while hacking and slashing through the battlefield> "Know that I take no pleasure in this..." <as a foe falls> "I forgive you." <moves on to fell another> "Be at peace." <and another> "May your next life be better than this."

"Your soul can still be saved, if, like a surgeon, I cut away all that is diseased." <pause, tilts head while detecting evil> "Which appears to be pretty much everything... Shall we get to work?"

<Draws sword in one hand, passes pouch full of gold to the cleric standing next to him>
Cleric "What's this for?"
Paladin "I'm gonna need an Atonement in a minute."

[Raezeman]

FOR HONOR AND GLORY!!!

I need to AXE you a question

*crazed screaming*

I could try and let you live, but i know at this i will FLAIL

"awkward silence, cricket sounds and passing tumbleweed"

[Raezeman]

A few from my quotes file, built up from previous threads:


<while hacking and slashing through the battlefield> "Know that I take no pleasure in this..." <as a foe falls> "I forgive you." <moves on to fell another> "Be at peace." <and another> "May your next life be better than this."

"Your soul can still be saved, if, like a surgeon, I cut away all that is diseased." <pause, tilts head while detecting evil> "Which appears to be pretty much everything... Shall we get to work?"

<Draws sword in one hand, passes pouch full of gold to the cleric standing next to him>
Cleric "What's this for?"
Paladin "I'm gonna need an Atonement in a minute."

I'm liking this, you know, the emphases on not enjoying killing a foe, but knowing it is necessary.
"one can chose how to spend ones life, but if one chooses to hurt the innocent, then i chose to bring divine wrath upon thee"
Or is this too cheesy?

[Blackhawk748]

I'm liking this, you know, the emphases on not enjoying killing a foe, but knowing it is necessary.
"one can chose how to spend ones life, but if one chooses to hurt the innocent, then i chose to bring divine wrath upon thee"
Or is this too cheesy?

Well if you cant stop hurting people i cant stop smiting you.

Ello Beasty.

[LoyalPaladin]

For Narnia?

I play a Paladin who is pretty heavy on the one liners, favorite so far: "When Bhaal starts a walkin', Torm comes a knockin'."

[BWR]

I'm liking this, you know, the emphases on not enjoying killing a foe, but knowing it is necessary.
"one can chose how to spend ones life, but if one chooses to hurt the innocent, then i chose to bring divine wrath upon thee"
Or is this too cheesy?

Grammar's a bit off. No real connection between 'one' and 'thee'. You could be randomly punishing someone poor guy for stuff other people do. Sure, we all know what you mean but keeping your pronouns straight is nice.

[Red Fel]

While I'm a fan of catch-phrases to start off combat in television (one that strikes me, for Paladins in particular, is, "Now, count up all of your sins, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamen_Rider_Double_%28character%29)"), I find them distracting in actual play. The only exception is when you use them as an identifier - in essence, when an NPC uses them, so that the PCs know who just arrived on the battlefield before they hear a character description.

That said, sometimes a no-liner is better than a one-liner. Offer a grim smirk, crack your knuckles, or - I'm a big fan of this - swing your heavy weapon over your shoulder, crack your neck, and show a little tooth.

Worth a thousand words, innit?

[dascarletm]

Saying something along the lines of, "How about a piping hot cup of SMITE EVIL!" is my personal favorite.

Similar to how all bad guys say something like this when starting fights:

The Gnolls see you approaching and yell out to you, "roll initiative."
The city guardsman sees you picking the mayors pocket and says, "roll initiative."
The wolves snarl at you in a menacing hungry way. They seem to say, "roll initiative."
The gelatinous cube turns to you and the trail of slime reads, "roll initiative."


For you, I suggest...

Halas, you cannot see reason... SMITE EVIL!!1
That is the halast straw!
Time for a big heaping spoon full of Halas a la mode!
I THINK THOSE SHOES ARE CUTE, BUT I GOTTA SMITE YOU ANYWAY SORRY BRO!
Insert generic one.... LINER!
It's elfin time!
This Smight hurt a lot!

[Blackhawk748]

Halas, you cannot see reason... SMITE EVIL!!1
That is the halast straw!
Time for a big heaping spoon full of Halas a la mode!
I THINK THOSE SHOES ARE CUTE, BUT I GOTTA SMITE YOU ANYWAY SORRY BRO!
Insert generic one.... LINER!
It's elfin time!
This Smight hurt a lot!

I think you broke something with all those puns.....

[LockeTalks]

This Smight hurt a lot!

That one's genius. I can't top it, but here are some suggestions for things that might be fun to shout anyways:

"I find your lack of faith disturbing!"

"Prepare to get holy! Like, literally, full of holes!"

"Make peace with your gods, for I shall make pieces out of you!"

"I'm going to bless your frickin' brains out!"

"I will wash my blade with your blood! And clean my butt with your hair!"

[LoyalPaladin]

While I'm a fan of catch-phrases to start off combat in television (one that strikes me, for Paladins in particular, is, "Now, count up all of your sins, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamen_Rider_Double_%28character%29)"), I find them distracting in actual play.
That reminds me! "Pick a god and pray!" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC1cjxx9Um0)

[dascarletm]

I think you broke something with all those puns.....

My sanity, and those around me surely.

[Blackhawk748]

My sanity, and those around me surely.

My sanity is most likely broken already, so that cracking sound i heard must have been my soul.

Edit: Woo sig quoted!

[PaucaTerrorem]

<Draws sword in one hand, passes pouch full of gold to the cleric standing next to him>
Cleric "What's this for?"
Paladin "I'm gonna need an Atonement in a minute."

You just made me look like a fool with my laughter in front of a 15 person bar. But seeing as I usually play the cleric I would have no problem with this.

[Arbane]

"If god had wanted you to live, he would not have created ME!"
"Now is coward-killing time!"

And for non-TF2 ones:
"Sin is a disease. I'll have to amputate."

[Deophaun]

Spoooooon!

[Chronos]

The proper term is "bump uglies". (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0212.html)

[Krobar]

I always liked "SHUTUP B****!!!"

[Escapist]

Time to water the tree of Liberty!

You have to save it for use on the evil king though.

[YossarianLives]

The first character I ever played was a paladin. I knew almost nothing about D&D at the time. When I asked about the gods I could worship they told that most Paladins worship "Grayskull."

At the time I had never heard of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

The first time my character smote evil they told me that paladins had to yell "By the power of Grayskull, I smite evil." I totally believed them and went along with it as they sniggered behind my back.



Almost two years later I found out the truth. No seriously.

[Blackhawk748]

The first character I ever played was a paladin. I knew almost nothing about D&D at the time. When I asked about the gods I could worship they told that most Paladins worship "Grayskull."

At the time I had never heard of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

The first time my character smote evil they told me that paladins had to yell "By the power of Grayskull, I smite evil." I totally believed them and went along with it as they sniggered behind my back.



Almost two years later I found out the truth. No seriously.

Thats a feature not a bug.

[Shining Wrath]

For beauty!
Gaze for the last time on the moon and stars, evil one!
Admire my swordplay, fool!

[Michael7123]

"BACK TO THE SHADOWS OF HELL WITH YOU."

This next one isn't necessarily a smite per say, but it might work with a good aligned spell.

"YOU. SHALL NOT. PASS!"

[BaronDoctor]

"Pray. I'll give you that much time. All the evil that you've done up to now...repent, or sleep."

[Banjoman42]

I could try and let you live, but i know at this i will FLAIL

"awkward silence, cricket sounds and passing tumbleweed"
Stop, Evildoer! It's HAMMER time!

[Ferronach]

One page that my friend is fond of using (http://www.eilistraee.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1760)

personally I am a spur of the moment kind of guy

[Shining Wrath]

And then there's the 3 classics, which you may adapt:

Crom! Count the dead!
Azael! Azael! I give you blood ... and souls!
Axes of the dwarves! The dwarves are upon you!
For purists: Baruk Khazâd! Khazâd ai-mênu!

[Shining Wrath]

One page that my friend is fond of using (http://www.eilistraee.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1760)

personally I am a spur of the moment kind of guy

Oh, I like this one:
After defeating but not dispatching..."Remember, no matter where you go, or how powerful you become, there will always be someone out there mightier than you. And that someone is me."

[jjcrpntr]

My first character was a cleric and whenever I'd turn undead he'd yell "In the name of Pelor FK YOU!"

Ofcourse at the time my character and his god weren't on good terms. Later the dm rolled a 99 to see if my god would help me by removing a curse. We became buddies after that.

[Invader]

ITS JUST BEEN REVOKED!

Doesn't matter if it makes sense, it's the best one liner of all time, use it for everything, every chance you get.

[Twurps]

Go Hulk: "HALAS SMASH"

[Fluffy Viking]

"I am Fury, I am Steel, I am the Mercy of Angels!"

"No Pity! No Remorse! No Fear!"

Really, just pick a quote from Warhammer
40k Space Marines and it will work.

[Zubrowka74]

ITS JUST BEEN REVOKED!

Doesn't matter if it makes sense, it's the best one liner of all time, use it for everything, every chance you get.

This would be : "Your licence to breath has just been revoked!" or some variant.

You could also go for a Judge Dredd feel with teh classic "I am the law" speech.

Against a devil / demon : "Son of a lemure / dretch / mane / larva, your days are over!"

[Ferronach]

You could modify some of the Lines from Garen (http://leagueoflegends.wikia.com/wiki/Garen/Background) and Azir (http://leagueoflegends.wikia.com/wiki/Azir/Background) in League of legends...

[LoyalPaladin]

You could modify some of the Lines from Garen (http://leagueoflegends.wikia.com/wiki/Garen/Background) and Azir (http://leagueoflegends.wikia.com/wiki/Azir/Background) in League of legends...
I do that all the time. Just changed Demacia to "TORM!"

[Vhaidara]

I'm particularly fond of Hellbred Paladins. They get a whole slew of new smite lines.

"I shall see you in hell!"
"Hell ain't a bad place to be. I've been there!"
"I smite thee here, and I shall smite thee in the next life!"
"The fires of both Heaven and Hell strike through me!"
"I once fought for darkness, as you do. Now you shall die, as I did."

[Hecuba]

Simply appropriate and adapt the Badass Boasts page of TV Tropes


I am the rocks of the eternal shore. Crash upon me, and be broken!
Look upon justice and tremble!
I am Death Incarnate... and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. Corellon sent me.
You cannot harm me. You cannot stop the hand of Corellon.
Today is a good day to die.
UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING!
Ask yourselves, is the path the brings you before me truly what you truly desire?
No one's ever escaped the hand of justice. No one ever will.

[goto124]

Saying something along the lines of, "How about a piping hot cup of SMITE EVIL!" is my personal favorite.


Can you use Smite Evil with a cup of coffee as the weapon? That'll be great.

[Michael7123]

Can you use Smite Evil with a cup of coffee as the weapon? That'll be great.

It probably would count as an improvised weapon, but I suppose so.

[Aliek]

One of the best I know, even if a bit corny

"May your God have mercy on you, 'cause I will not!"