Mrmox42
2015-03-20, 02:28 PM
Hello all
I have compiled this list of 100 mostly useless magic items from this thread: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?399328-List-of-Mostly-Useless-Magic-Items
It is for my own use, but I thought that I would post it here, in case anybody else can use it.
Enjoy:
List of 100 Mostly Useless Magic Items
1. Amulet of Cleavage; When worn over any garment or armor, nicely accentuates your pectoral muscles or mammary equipment. Otherwise useless.
2. Amulet of Demon-Summoning: According to the inscription, the user may summon a specific Glabrezu named Qztxychtwdgb'xxiygh'fljjk'zmvpcdr'kkftpsl to their service, if they can correctly pronounce his name. The inscription does not mention that mispronouncing it instantly transports the user to the Abyss without any equipment whatsoever.
3. Amulet of Referring To Oneself In 3rd Person: Early onset narcissism.
4. Armoire of Invincibility: This legendary wardrobe is impervious to damage from all sources. It appears to be crafted from fine darkwood, but it's weight would almost make one think that it is made from pure adamantine. A particularly mighty warrior might be able to carry it by himself, should he steady it with both hands, and leave it resting atop the crown of his head, perfectly aligned with his spine. As a piece of furniture, its quality and craftsmanship are beyond compare, and it houses a number of frocks, dresses, and tunics, with plenty of drawer space for leggings and hose.
5. Arsonist's Tinderbox: An otherwise innocuous tinderbox that sets fire to everything - flammable or not - in a 20' radius.
6. Bag of Bags: When found this bag contains 1d100 bags and it generates 1 bag per day. It can hold a maximum of 100 bags. These bags are of very cheap construction and have no sales value.
7. Bag of Insufficient Volume: Everything just doesn't quite fit in this magical sack of frustration
8. Bag of It's Got To Be In Here Somewhere: Functions as a bag of holding, but is constantly filled with random junk in addition to the contents. It always takes a full hour to find the item(s) one wishes to take out of it, during which the character cannot gain the benefit of a short rest.
9. Balance of the Ancients: An enchanted 10ft pole that grants advantage on Acrobatics checks when walking on narrow surfaces, but the player must clearly state that they are using the 10ft pole in such manner, or it imposes disadvantage.
10. Boots of Halfling kind: Makes your feet very hairy
11. Boots of Teleportation: 1/long rest you can activate these boots. These boots (and only the boots) teleport to the location you specify, as if using the word of recall spell.
12. Bottle of Breezes: A 5 mph breeze blows in the direction you point the neck of the bottle, 5' wide, 10' long. Lasts 3 rounds per day.
13. Book of Confusion: The letters in this book always appear to be upside down, even if viewed from different directions at the same time.
14. Brooch of Color Changing: A cheap trinket sold for the novelty of a brooch that changes color based on your emotional state, allowing for analysis therein. It actually changes color based on ambient temperature.
15. Brooch of the Hedgehog: Causes small spines to grow all over your body. When somebody attempts to Grapple you, or hit you with their bare hands (Monks beware) or bite you, they take 1D6 damage. You cannot wear any armor while using the Brooch of the Hedgehog, and you may either suffer a negative effect on your Intimidate skill (because you look downright silly and weird), or possibly a positive effect on your Charisma, as you look darned cute.
16. Camel of Water Storage: A magical, living camel, that can drink several hundred gallons of water and store them indefinitely, for the owner to retrieve when needed. The method of retrieval is, however, not for the faint-hearted.
17. Chair of Steadiness: This chair can be moved, but cannot be tipped over by anything less than a DC 35 Strength check.
18. Cloak of Dramatic Billowing: Makes anyone look heroic (optional +1 charm), but a downright liability when you're trying to sneak up on people.
19. Cloud Familiar: A small (medium sized) sentient grey cloud-being, made of vapors, takes a liking to you and follows you around. It hovers above you, and acts like a Familiar, as per the rules. It can, of course fly.
It is, however, not especially quiet, for two reasons:
1: A slight drizzle of rain escape the Cloud Familiar from time to time.
2: Tiny bolts of Lightning and small booms of thunder will occasionally emanate from the Cloud Familiar. This especially happens when the Cloud is agitated, and when stealth is required.
The 'owner' of the Cloud Familiar will therefore find himself wet, or at least damp, most of the time, and occasionally charred as well, as the loving Cloud Familiar stays close above him.
The tiny Lightning Bolts cause 1D3 lightning damage.
20. Cup of Last Comfort: This badly-dented tin cup from an ancient legionary chaplain's field kit holds about 8 ounces of liquid. Any drink administered to a dying creature from this cup tastes pleasant, dulls all pain, and makes the imbiber vividly remember their happiest moments until the imbiber either dies or is healed by other means. It has no other effect, and does not affect creatures for whom death is not imminent.
21. Cursed Amulet of Delay: Sounds made by the wearer are delayed 1d4 rounds.
22. Cursed Amulet of Oppositional Emotion: Whatever the character's emotion is, its shown the opposite on his face. If he's sad, he'll smile, if he's fighting he'll giggle like a school girl, etc.
23. Cursed Rod of Incontinence: ‘nuff said
24. Cursed Shoelaces of Untying: Bloody annoying.
25. Cubefinder (Consumable): A 10ft pole with one end capped by a caked-on powdery substance. When you are holding it in front of you and feel it hit something unseen, look at the cap. If you see and hear the cap fizzing like crazy while the pole starts to dissolve, you've found a Gelatinous Cube.
26. Deck of Puerile Things: Drawing a card from this deck will engage the nearest persons to it into sniggering and tittering at the double entendre or suggestive picture on the card. “Hurhurhurhur.... hyukhyukhyuk..... he said 'tittering'! That sounds like 'bum'! snickersnicker fnarfnar”
27. Duck Blade: Functions as a luck blade, but if the "wish" option is used d100 x d100 ducks are summoned in the users square, and the ensuing mess may indeed be fatal for the user if too many ducks appear.
28. Duck of Many Things: This duck lays 1d4 eggs a day, random mundane oddities are found in the eggs. The duck tends to lay them in hidden places.
29. Diadem of Upward Inflection: The wearer always sounds like they're asking a question?
30. Earmuffs of silence: Wearing these enchanted earmuffs makes the user completely unable to hear anything. This makes him immune to spells like Command and effects like those that Bards deliver. They come in different colors, too.
31. Flying pan: This pan hovers above the fire, just high enough to avoid heating up.
32. Frying Pan of Usefulness: This stout piece of Kitchenware was made by a Halfling chef, who was working for a mercenary company that was hired to clear out a forest full of Goblins. As he often found himself in the middle of ambushes, he had the company Wizard help him make this wondrous item.
The Frying Pan of Usefulness can be used in several ways:
If wielded as a weapon, it does 1D3 points of damage, but causes Critical Hits on a 19 or 20.
If used as a Shield, it gives a +1 on Armor Class.
If used as an actual Frying Pan, it cooks a vicious chili con carne.
33. Gauntlets of the Mighty Arms of the Dinosaurs: The Wearer of these green and scaly Gauntlets will be affected in the following ways:
1: His mouth grows to enormous proportions, and it is filled with jagged teeth. He can now attack with his Bite, causing 1D12 damage.
2: He grows a tail, from which great spikes protrude. He can make an attack with his tail as a Bonus Action, causing 1D8 damage.
3: He grows scales on his body, giving him a natural AC of 15.
4: He cannot wear any Armor, as his body is now weirdly contorted. He cannot use Helmets, Backpacks, Capes og Cloaks, either.
5: His arms grow tiny and weak – with an effective Strength of 3, and the weight of the Gauntlets cause his arms to hang straight down, being completely useless. The wearer cannot carry anything in his hands. No shields, either.
6: Looking like a monster, the wearer’s Charisma is halved, rounded down.
7: Being affected by all this dinosaurusness, the wearer is now quite daft. His Intelligence is halved, rounded down.
8: Oh yes, since the wearers mouth is very big and full of serrated teeth, he cannot speak or cast spells with Verbal Components. He can only roar. Loudly.
9: This, however, gives the wearer a +4 on Intimidate checks.
34. Gem of Blinding: This gem emits a 120', 5" radius line of bright light directly at the user's eyes.
35. Gnomish Automatic Beard-Trimming Machine: Last time it escaped, it killed ten men.
36. Grand Piano of Courage: Allows any bard who moves at least 10 feet on their turn while carrying the GPoC to grant Inspiration to one ally.
37. Greatsword of Ice: Made of Ice, shatters on impact. Add water to the scabbard to make a new sword.
38. Girdle of Kobold Strength: Makes your strength score 6 (yes this would have been a decent bonus to carry capacity on a few characters over the years).
39. Green Slime Remover (Consumable): A very combustible 10ft pole coated in a strange reddish substance--will burst into flame (becoming consumed in the process) at the slightest spark, whether from a candle or a fire spell or a stray piece of cigar ash. When the green slime starts eating it, set it on fire. Deals 4d6 damage to anyone holding it and in a 10' radius of such person if it is accidentally set off, or set off by an enemy.
40. Hat of Disguise Self: Once per day on command this hat will cast Disguise Self. On itself.
41. Hat of Truth Detection: Has the appearance of a stylish hat with a gem stone adornment, which lights up when the wearer is being deceitful. Attuned, cannot be removed until the curse is broken or the wearer is deceased. Once the curse is broken the hat changes appearance.
42. Helm of the Gnome: Has 1 charge, that is renewed once a week. Gives the wearer the ability to speak with burrowing animals for one minute.
43. Horn of Annoying Proclamations: This brass bugle compels its bearer to raise it to their lips and announce their companions' passage through any sort of doorway or portal with a loud and poorly performed fanfare, forcing all allies within earshot to make a dc 10 wisdom save or be compelled to cover their ears or slap the horn blower.
44. Invisible Ring: Good luck finding it!
45. Invisibly-Everburning Torch: When held aloft, this torch produces a magical flame that never goes out and gives off no heat, which illuminates as a standard torch, but its light is only visible to creatures with darkvision (which it does not interfere with). Note--the area it illuminates is less than the vision range of darkvision.
46. Loincloth of the Mighty: When wearing nothing but the Loincloth, (and that means nothing – no armor, no backpack, no belt, no rings, no boots, no cloak or cape, no NOTHING) and being armed with a Great Weapon, the user gets the following bonuses:
+2 to AC, as the vitals are protected by the Mighty loincloth
+1 to hit with a Great Weapon
+1 to Damage with a Great Weapon
+4 for Intimidation Checks as he looks downright scary
(This item has a counterpart which does the same: The Bikini of the Mighty)
47. Mail of Stiffening: This set of mail is extremely flexible and minimally hindering, but hardens when struck to defend against blows as well as plate. Unfortunately, it also hardens when brushed against particularly hard, when the wearer moves too suddenly, or if it is exposed to a particularly potent gust of wind.
48. Mantle of Awe: On entering a room with the mantle in one's possession, a flock of doves fly through the doorway from behind you, a fanfare plays and an angelic chorus can be heard singing a verse. The larger the room, the more impressive the effect (more doves, longer angelic chorus).
Created for a noble who wished to make a good impression at a party. Has the unfortunate effect of activating every time one enters a room. Every room. This fact was discovered by a scoundrel who robbed the original owner and tried (failing) to escape.
49. Mirror of Change Self: When you look in this mirror, and speak the command word, you can cause your reflection in the mirror to change, as if your reflection is affected by a Change Self spell. Nothing happens to you, but your reflection in the mirror, and in that mirror only, is changed.
50. Mirror of Mirroring: Upon looking in this mirror, you instead are mirrored, swapping all of your handedness and symmetry as if you were the mirror image instead. This effect can be reversed by you casting "Mirror Image" on the mirror.
51. Mug of Dwarven Hate: Any alcoholic beverage placed into the cup instantly becomes alcohol-free and tastes of raw sewage.
52. Occasional Table: Sometimes it's a table, sometimes it's not. It tends to choose not to be a table just as you're about to place something fragile on it.
53. Oil of the Muscleman/Woman: When wearing nothing but a loincloth or a bikini, and rubbing yourself with this oil, you look shiny and good. This doubles your Charisma Bonus when you are dealing with people and species who may be physically attracted to you.
54. Orb of Koboldkind: A powerful wizard were asked by his king to create a weapon against the Kobold menace. Unfortunately the wizard was hung over, so the item is not quite what the king had in mind. The Orb of Koboldkind can cast Dominate Kobold once per week. It allows you to dominate one Kobold of the ordinary kind, as per the Dominate spell. This means that Kobold Spellcasters, leaders and Kobolds with more than 10 HP are unaffected.
When held over the head, the Orb also allows you to gain advantage on attempts to track the Kobold that you have Dominated.
55. Parchment of the Stenographarian: A magical piece of parchment, that requires attunement. When attuned, the parchment will magically write down everything you say. Your words will appear on the parchment, as you say them.
Very clever.
There is a catch, however. As there is only one piece of parchment, and as the parchment writes down EVERYTHING you say (even coughs and sighs), and as the parchment - when it reaches the bottom of the page - starts anew at the top, overwriting whatever was there, you need to stay very quiet if you want your words kept for posterity.
The parchment stays attuned to you as long as you live, and it will record your words, no matter how far away it is from you, and no matter what plane or planet may seperate you.
56. Pipe of Intellectual Looks: Holding this dapper pipe in your mouth makes you look thoughtful and clever, giving you advantage on Bluff checks to look smart. It does nothing to make you act, sound, or be any smarter. Any creature that has heard you speak is immune to the pipe's effects.
57. Potion of Barkskin: Side effects may include dry, flaky skin, photosynthesis, fruiting.
58. Quill of Rage: An ordinary quill that will only write when you scribble in the corner to make sure it is working. (Comment: “You horrid, wretched, vile thing. Why? Why would you create this? Why?”)
59. Remembrall: (Attunement) This small tennis-ball sized ball of a quartz-like mineral will glow red when you forget something (but what you have forgotten is up to you to remember)
60. Ring of Flumph command: Commands one Flumph. If you can find one of those critters.
61. Ring of Invulnerability: The ring can never be destroyed.
62. Ring of Turning Undead: Spins the undead 180 degrees. And that’s it.
63. Ring of Water Stain: This ring causes all beverages held by the wearer to leave a ring shaped stain on any surface it is placed on
64. Rock of Returning: S'funny, could have sworn I threw that thing away.
65. Rock of Throwing: A fist sized rock imbued with ahem, earth power. Improvised thrown weapon, inflicts 1d2 damage. Looks like it could really hurt. Utterly immune to anti-magic fields!
66. Rod of planting: When stuck into the ground, this Rod instantly grows roots several feet down. Then branches and leaves pop out. The Rod will thereafter act like any other small tree.
67. Rod of Wander: A rod that causes the owner to have no sense of direction.
68. Rustbane: An enchanted (+0) oaken 10ft pole, crudely sharpened at one end as if done in a great hurry with a dull hatchet or light sword. There is a dark stain on the sharp end that extends about a foot back from the point. Counts as a pike, but does half damage (rounded down).
69. Saddle of Llama taming: When put on a wild llama, it makes the animal completely tame, and it may be ridden like a horse. Only Works on llamas.
70. Scroll of Literacy: Caster becomes Literate.
71. Sharpened Staff of Iron: This Staff is actually made out of iron and is quite sharp. Deals 1d8 + Strength damage per hit.
72. Shield of Sneaky Heraldry: This enchanted shield can magically change its heraldry whenever the wearer wants to, bringing confusion to the enemy on the battlefield (and possibly to friendly forces as well).
73. Shirt of Pants: As long as you wear this item, you are immune to the naked status.
74. Shirt of Throwing: This simple green shirt is the perfect size for the average Halfling, Gnome, or Dwarf. When donned, the wearer can be used as a thrown missile. The wearer's range increment increases by 50ft when thrown.
75. Shoes of sogginess: They sort of squelch whenever you take a step... It's kinda gross dude.
76. Skillet of Flapjacks: Advantage on Dex checks to flip an egg or pancake being cooked in the skillet. Improvised weapon, 1d4 bludgeoning.
77. Spoon of Cooking: When held, make a DC 12 Wisdom save or be Dominated to make a delicious meal out of materials currently available to you.
78. Staff of Disintegration: On use the staff disintegrates. One use.
79. Staff of lesser Dimension door: Teleports user up to 1 foot in any direction.
80. Stuffed Alligator of Importance: When a wizard hangs up this stuffed reptile in his laboratory, it will make the laboratory look much more genuine and 'mage-ish'. This may add a +1 to Diplomacy or Intimidation checks on the wizard’s behalf, when he is in his study.
81. The Sword of Damoclese: A magic blade from legendary tales. It would act as a Dancing Scimitar for anyone who knows the command word - unfortunately that command word is in a forgotten tongue for a dead race who's physiology was capable of producing completely unique sounds. Without the command word, then this sword will imprint itself on a random individual and hang 3 feet above their head (pointed down, as though about to fall and impale their skull), sort of like a giant metal exclamation point or a very dangerous ion stone. If it is unable to maintain this position (due to a low ceiling or persistent attempts to catch it), it will disappear, turning invisible, and silently stalk its intended 'master' for a time. It will always re-appear shortly before the person awakens from sleep, so that the first thing they see in the morning is a sword a few inches above their nose, suspended in mid-air. A character who is being followed by this sword who enters an anti-magic field should make a Dex save (DC 15) to avoid getting skewered by the falling blade. On a successful Dexterity check (also DC 15), the character can attempt to wrest the sword out of the air and wield it as a weapon. Each round they wield the blade, however, they take a -4 circumstance penalty to attack and damage (because the sword is uncooperative) and must make a DC 15 Strength check. Immediately after losing control of the sword, it will flat them for 1d6 non-lethal damage in retribution before taking it's place again (or turning invisible, if it's feeling spiteful).
82. Tome of Uselessness: Whenever this plain brown tome is opened, it closes (as the Open/Close spell).
83. Sword of Little Man Syndrome: Weapon (longsword), Uncommon (requires attunement by a dwarf, halfing or gnome.) Once attuned, the sword magically adjusts in length to become 2x your height, becoming a weapon one size larger than you. In addition, the sword gives you the following properties:
You gain advantage on Cha (persuasion) checks against yourself.
You gain disadvantage on all Cha (Intimidation) checks.
-2 on attacks and damage rolls because of the size difference.
84. Suggestive Rod: This arcane implement has a knob on the end... Provides a synergy bonus if used in conjunction with the Deck of Puerile Things.
85. Tooth of the Fairy: This magic tooth is placed in the mouth after the fresh removal of a natural tooth. It then seals itself in place of the old tooth for the next 24 hours. During this time you gain large diaphanous wings which have no capacity to aid the user in any physical manner. At the end of 24 hours the tooth leaves the wielders mouth, and 1d4 gold pieces appear beneath their tongue.
86. Torch of Fire Detection: A magic torch that glows red in the close presence of fire.
87. Unbrella: This object resembles an ordinary umbrella, but when opened it produces water. When the unbrella is upside-down this water simply fills it; otherwise it falls like rain. The water vanishes if removed from the five-foot-high cylinder defined by the unbrella's radius.
88. Unportable hole: It’s a hole! No, you cannot move it. It’s a HOLE, you know.
89. Vault-Pole of the Ancients: An enchanted 10ft pole that grants advantage on Athletics checks made to pole-vault with it.
90. Wand of Bark: When used the wand summons a small pile of tree bark.
91. Wand of Egg: Summons one egg. This may be boiled and eaten. It may be summoned above somebodys head. Or under your hat. Or something.
92. Wand of Grease: In theory could be used to cast the Grease spell, but no one is sure, due to being unable to get a grip on it.
93. Wand of Minor Light: Casts really minor light spell, about candle light strength.
94. Wand of Silent Image: This wand, made of a rare and exotic wood, is inlaid with intricate filigrees of colored gold (blue, green, white, and rose gold in addition to pure gold) that depict climbing morning glory vines, and is capped with a sapphire worth 200 gp. Engraved in fine elvish script on a ring-sized, well-worn gold band around the center of the wand, the only part of the wand that shows any sign of age, are the closing words of a High Elven wedding vow. The wand holds 10 charges, and regains 1d10 charges per long rest. When used, it invariably creates an image within 10ft of the caster of a plain-looking young human woman dressed in peasant's clothing placing a morning glory flower in her hair, smiling shyly to the caster, and waving in greeting, then fading away in the same round as the wand was used. No amount of magical skill short of direct action by a deity can make it change the image it produces.
95. Wand of The Match: When you activate the Match Wand a small flame bursts forth from the tip of it.
96. Wand of Mole: When you use the Wand of Mole a mole is summoned in an adjacent square and it rolls initiative. On its turn it burrows into the ground and avoids combat.
97. Wand of Persistent Drizzle: Everyone within an 80' radius gets damp and miserable after 1D6 turns.
98. Wand of Routing: When you use the Wand of Routing, you and all your allies within 30 feet most succeed on a DC 15 Wisdom save or become Frightened, and must flee the current fight post haste.
99. Wand of Wand Recursion: Creates a wand. The wand turns to dust upon use. The created wand can only be used to create a wand, and turns to dust upon use. The wand created by the created wand...
100. Water-Carrier of the Ancients: An enchanted 10ft pole that can be used to carry two buckets (buckets sold separately) of water or other liquid without spilling a drop, regardless of what else is occurring and whether or not it should be physically possible, until set down. This does not prevent the character from falling, being tripped, etc., only prevents the liquid from spilling.
I have compiled this list of 100 mostly useless magic items from this thread: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?399328-List-of-Mostly-Useless-Magic-Items
It is for my own use, but I thought that I would post it here, in case anybody else can use it.
Enjoy:
List of 100 Mostly Useless Magic Items
1. Amulet of Cleavage; When worn over any garment or armor, nicely accentuates your pectoral muscles or mammary equipment. Otherwise useless.
2. Amulet of Demon-Summoning: According to the inscription, the user may summon a specific Glabrezu named Qztxychtwdgb'xxiygh'fljjk'zmvpcdr'kkftpsl to their service, if they can correctly pronounce his name. The inscription does not mention that mispronouncing it instantly transports the user to the Abyss without any equipment whatsoever.
3. Amulet of Referring To Oneself In 3rd Person: Early onset narcissism.
4. Armoire of Invincibility: This legendary wardrobe is impervious to damage from all sources. It appears to be crafted from fine darkwood, but it's weight would almost make one think that it is made from pure adamantine. A particularly mighty warrior might be able to carry it by himself, should he steady it with both hands, and leave it resting atop the crown of his head, perfectly aligned with his spine. As a piece of furniture, its quality and craftsmanship are beyond compare, and it houses a number of frocks, dresses, and tunics, with plenty of drawer space for leggings and hose.
5. Arsonist's Tinderbox: An otherwise innocuous tinderbox that sets fire to everything - flammable or not - in a 20' radius.
6. Bag of Bags: When found this bag contains 1d100 bags and it generates 1 bag per day. It can hold a maximum of 100 bags. These bags are of very cheap construction and have no sales value.
7. Bag of Insufficient Volume: Everything just doesn't quite fit in this magical sack of frustration
8. Bag of It's Got To Be In Here Somewhere: Functions as a bag of holding, but is constantly filled with random junk in addition to the contents. It always takes a full hour to find the item(s) one wishes to take out of it, during which the character cannot gain the benefit of a short rest.
9. Balance of the Ancients: An enchanted 10ft pole that grants advantage on Acrobatics checks when walking on narrow surfaces, but the player must clearly state that they are using the 10ft pole in such manner, or it imposes disadvantage.
10. Boots of Halfling kind: Makes your feet very hairy
11. Boots of Teleportation: 1/long rest you can activate these boots. These boots (and only the boots) teleport to the location you specify, as if using the word of recall spell.
12. Bottle of Breezes: A 5 mph breeze blows in the direction you point the neck of the bottle, 5' wide, 10' long. Lasts 3 rounds per day.
13. Book of Confusion: The letters in this book always appear to be upside down, even if viewed from different directions at the same time.
14. Brooch of Color Changing: A cheap trinket sold for the novelty of a brooch that changes color based on your emotional state, allowing for analysis therein. It actually changes color based on ambient temperature.
15. Brooch of the Hedgehog: Causes small spines to grow all over your body. When somebody attempts to Grapple you, or hit you with their bare hands (Monks beware) or bite you, they take 1D6 damage. You cannot wear any armor while using the Brooch of the Hedgehog, and you may either suffer a negative effect on your Intimidate skill (because you look downright silly and weird), or possibly a positive effect on your Charisma, as you look darned cute.
16. Camel of Water Storage: A magical, living camel, that can drink several hundred gallons of water and store them indefinitely, for the owner to retrieve when needed. The method of retrieval is, however, not for the faint-hearted.
17. Chair of Steadiness: This chair can be moved, but cannot be tipped over by anything less than a DC 35 Strength check.
18. Cloak of Dramatic Billowing: Makes anyone look heroic (optional +1 charm), but a downright liability when you're trying to sneak up on people.
19. Cloud Familiar: A small (medium sized) sentient grey cloud-being, made of vapors, takes a liking to you and follows you around. It hovers above you, and acts like a Familiar, as per the rules. It can, of course fly.
It is, however, not especially quiet, for two reasons:
1: A slight drizzle of rain escape the Cloud Familiar from time to time.
2: Tiny bolts of Lightning and small booms of thunder will occasionally emanate from the Cloud Familiar. This especially happens when the Cloud is agitated, and when stealth is required.
The 'owner' of the Cloud Familiar will therefore find himself wet, or at least damp, most of the time, and occasionally charred as well, as the loving Cloud Familiar stays close above him.
The tiny Lightning Bolts cause 1D3 lightning damage.
20. Cup of Last Comfort: This badly-dented tin cup from an ancient legionary chaplain's field kit holds about 8 ounces of liquid. Any drink administered to a dying creature from this cup tastes pleasant, dulls all pain, and makes the imbiber vividly remember their happiest moments until the imbiber either dies or is healed by other means. It has no other effect, and does not affect creatures for whom death is not imminent.
21. Cursed Amulet of Delay: Sounds made by the wearer are delayed 1d4 rounds.
22. Cursed Amulet of Oppositional Emotion: Whatever the character's emotion is, its shown the opposite on his face. If he's sad, he'll smile, if he's fighting he'll giggle like a school girl, etc.
23. Cursed Rod of Incontinence: ‘nuff said
24. Cursed Shoelaces of Untying: Bloody annoying.
25. Cubefinder (Consumable): A 10ft pole with one end capped by a caked-on powdery substance. When you are holding it in front of you and feel it hit something unseen, look at the cap. If you see and hear the cap fizzing like crazy while the pole starts to dissolve, you've found a Gelatinous Cube.
26. Deck of Puerile Things: Drawing a card from this deck will engage the nearest persons to it into sniggering and tittering at the double entendre or suggestive picture on the card. “Hurhurhurhur.... hyukhyukhyuk..... he said 'tittering'! That sounds like 'bum'! snickersnicker fnarfnar”
27. Duck Blade: Functions as a luck blade, but if the "wish" option is used d100 x d100 ducks are summoned in the users square, and the ensuing mess may indeed be fatal for the user if too many ducks appear.
28. Duck of Many Things: This duck lays 1d4 eggs a day, random mundane oddities are found in the eggs. The duck tends to lay them in hidden places.
29. Diadem of Upward Inflection: The wearer always sounds like they're asking a question?
30. Earmuffs of silence: Wearing these enchanted earmuffs makes the user completely unable to hear anything. This makes him immune to spells like Command and effects like those that Bards deliver. They come in different colors, too.
31. Flying pan: This pan hovers above the fire, just high enough to avoid heating up.
32. Frying Pan of Usefulness: This stout piece of Kitchenware was made by a Halfling chef, who was working for a mercenary company that was hired to clear out a forest full of Goblins. As he often found himself in the middle of ambushes, he had the company Wizard help him make this wondrous item.
The Frying Pan of Usefulness can be used in several ways:
If wielded as a weapon, it does 1D3 points of damage, but causes Critical Hits on a 19 or 20.
If used as a Shield, it gives a +1 on Armor Class.
If used as an actual Frying Pan, it cooks a vicious chili con carne.
33. Gauntlets of the Mighty Arms of the Dinosaurs: The Wearer of these green and scaly Gauntlets will be affected in the following ways:
1: His mouth grows to enormous proportions, and it is filled with jagged teeth. He can now attack with his Bite, causing 1D12 damage.
2: He grows a tail, from which great spikes protrude. He can make an attack with his tail as a Bonus Action, causing 1D8 damage.
3: He grows scales on his body, giving him a natural AC of 15.
4: He cannot wear any Armor, as his body is now weirdly contorted. He cannot use Helmets, Backpacks, Capes og Cloaks, either.
5: His arms grow tiny and weak – with an effective Strength of 3, and the weight of the Gauntlets cause his arms to hang straight down, being completely useless. The wearer cannot carry anything in his hands. No shields, either.
6: Looking like a monster, the wearer’s Charisma is halved, rounded down.
7: Being affected by all this dinosaurusness, the wearer is now quite daft. His Intelligence is halved, rounded down.
8: Oh yes, since the wearers mouth is very big and full of serrated teeth, he cannot speak or cast spells with Verbal Components. He can only roar. Loudly.
9: This, however, gives the wearer a +4 on Intimidate checks.
34. Gem of Blinding: This gem emits a 120', 5" radius line of bright light directly at the user's eyes.
35. Gnomish Automatic Beard-Trimming Machine: Last time it escaped, it killed ten men.
36. Grand Piano of Courage: Allows any bard who moves at least 10 feet on their turn while carrying the GPoC to grant Inspiration to one ally.
37. Greatsword of Ice: Made of Ice, shatters on impact. Add water to the scabbard to make a new sword.
38. Girdle of Kobold Strength: Makes your strength score 6 (yes this would have been a decent bonus to carry capacity on a few characters over the years).
39. Green Slime Remover (Consumable): A very combustible 10ft pole coated in a strange reddish substance--will burst into flame (becoming consumed in the process) at the slightest spark, whether from a candle or a fire spell or a stray piece of cigar ash. When the green slime starts eating it, set it on fire. Deals 4d6 damage to anyone holding it and in a 10' radius of such person if it is accidentally set off, or set off by an enemy.
40. Hat of Disguise Self: Once per day on command this hat will cast Disguise Self. On itself.
41. Hat of Truth Detection: Has the appearance of a stylish hat with a gem stone adornment, which lights up when the wearer is being deceitful. Attuned, cannot be removed until the curse is broken or the wearer is deceased. Once the curse is broken the hat changes appearance.
42. Helm of the Gnome: Has 1 charge, that is renewed once a week. Gives the wearer the ability to speak with burrowing animals for one minute.
43. Horn of Annoying Proclamations: This brass bugle compels its bearer to raise it to their lips and announce their companions' passage through any sort of doorway or portal with a loud and poorly performed fanfare, forcing all allies within earshot to make a dc 10 wisdom save or be compelled to cover their ears or slap the horn blower.
44. Invisible Ring: Good luck finding it!
45. Invisibly-Everburning Torch: When held aloft, this torch produces a magical flame that never goes out and gives off no heat, which illuminates as a standard torch, but its light is only visible to creatures with darkvision (which it does not interfere with). Note--the area it illuminates is less than the vision range of darkvision.
46. Loincloth of the Mighty: When wearing nothing but the Loincloth, (and that means nothing – no armor, no backpack, no belt, no rings, no boots, no cloak or cape, no NOTHING) and being armed with a Great Weapon, the user gets the following bonuses:
+2 to AC, as the vitals are protected by the Mighty loincloth
+1 to hit with a Great Weapon
+1 to Damage with a Great Weapon
+4 for Intimidation Checks as he looks downright scary
(This item has a counterpart which does the same: The Bikini of the Mighty)
47. Mail of Stiffening: This set of mail is extremely flexible and minimally hindering, but hardens when struck to defend against blows as well as plate. Unfortunately, it also hardens when brushed against particularly hard, when the wearer moves too suddenly, or if it is exposed to a particularly potent gust of wind.
48. Mantle of Awe: On entering a room with the mantle in one's possession, a flock of doves fly through the doorway from behind you, a fanfare plays and an angelic chorus can be heard singing a verse. The larger the room, the more impressive the effect (more doves, longer angelic chorus).
Created for a noble who wished to make a good impression at a party. Has the unfortunate effect of activating every time one enters a room. Every room. This fact was discovered by a scoundrel who robbed the original owner and tried (failing) to escape.
49. Mirror of Change Self: When you look in this mirror, and speak the command word, you can cause your reflection in the mirror to change, as if your reflection is affected by a Change Self spell. Nothing happens to you, but your reflection in the mirror, and in that mirror only, is changed.
50. Mirror of Mirroring: Upon looking in this mirror, you instead are mirrored, swapping all of your handedness and symmetry as if you were the mirror image instead. This effect can be reversed by you casting "Mirror Image" on the mirror.
51. Mug of Dwarven Hate: Any alcoholic beverage placed into the cup instantly becomes alcohol-free and tastes of raw sewage.
52. Occasional Table: Sometimes it's a table, sometimes it's not. It tends to choose not to be a table just as you're about to place something fragile on it.
53. Oil of the Muscleman/Woman: When wearing nothing but a loincloth or a bikini, and rubbing yourself with this oil, you look shiny and good. This doubles your Charisma Bonus when you are dealing with people and species who may be physically attracted to you.
54. Orb of Koboldkind: A powerful wizard were asked by his king to create a weapon against the Kobold menace. Unfortunately the wizard was hung over, so the item is not quite what the king had in mind. The Orb of Koboldkind can cast Dominate Kobold once per week. It allows you to dominate one Kobold of the ordinary kind, as per the Dominate spell. This means that Kobold Spellcasters, leaders and Kobolds with more than 10 HP are unaffected.
When held over the head, the Orb also allows you to gain advantage on attempts to track the Kobold that you have Dominated.
55. Parchment of the Stenographarian: A magical piece of parchment, that requires attunement. When attuned, the parchment will magically write down everything you say. Your words will appear on the parchment, as you say them.
Very clever.
There is a catch, however. As there is only one piece of parchment, and as the parchment writes down EVERYTHING you say (even coughs and sighs), and as the parchment - when it reaches the bottom of the page - starts anew at the top, overwriting whatever was there, you need to stay very quiet if you want your words kept for posterity.
The parchment stays attuned to you as long as you live, and it will record your words, no matter how far away it is from you, and no matter what plane or planet may seperate you.
56. Pipe of Intellectual Looks: Holding this dapper pipe in your mouth makes you look thoughtful and clever, giving you advantage on Bluff checks to look smart. It does nothing to make you act, sound, or be any smarter. Any creature that has heard you speak is immune to the pipe's effects.
57. Potion of Barkskin: Side effects may include dry, flaky skin, photosynthesis, fruiting.
58. Quill of Rage: An ordinary quill that will only write when you scribble in the corner to make sure it is working. (Comment: “You horrid, wretched, vile thing. Why? Why would you create this? Why?”)
59. Remembrall: (Attunement) This small tennis-ball sized ball of a quartz-like mineral will glow red when you forget something (but what you have forgotten is up to you to remember)
60. Ring of Flumph command: Commands one Flumph. If you can find one of those critters.
61. Ring of Invulnerability: The ring can never be destroyed.
62. Ring of Turning Undead: Spins the undead 180 degrees. And that’s it.
63. Ring of Water Stain: This ring causes all beverages held by the wearer to leave a ring shaped stain on any surface it is placed on
64. Rock of Returning: S'funny, could have sworn I threw that thing away.
65. Rock of Throwing: A fist sized rock imbued with ahem, earth power. Improvised thrown weapon, inflicts 1d2 damage. Looks like it could really hurt. Utterly immune to anti-magic fields!
66. Rod of planting: When stuck into the ground, this Rod instantly grows roots several feet down. Then branches and leaves pop out. The Rod will thereafter act like any other small tree.
67. Rod of Wander: A rod that causes the owner to have no sense of direction.
68. Rustbane: An enchanted (+0) oaken 10ft pole, crudely sharpened at one end as if done in a great hurry with a dull hatchet or light sword. There is a dark stain on the sharp end that extends about a foot back from the point. Counts as a pike, but does half damage (rounded down).
69. Saddle of Llama taming: When put on a wild llama, it makes the animal completely tame, and it may be ridden like a horse. Only Works on llamas.
70. Scroll of Literacy: Caster becomes Literate.
71. Sharpened Staff of Iron: This Staff is actually made out of iron and is quite sharp. Deals 1d8 + Strength damage per hit.
72. Shield of Sneaky Heraldry: This enchanted shield can magically change its heraldry whenever the wearer wants to, bringing confusion to the enemy on the battlefield (and possibly to friendly forces as well).
73. Shirt of Pants: As long as you wear this item, you are immune to the naked status.
74. Shirt of Throwing: This simple green shirt is the perfect size for the average Halfling, Gnome, or Dwarf. When donned, the wearer can be used as a thrown missile. The wearer's range increment increases by 50ft when thrown.
75. Shoes of sogginess: They sort of squelch whenever you take a step... It's kinda gross dude.
76. Skillet of Flapjacks: Advantage on Dex checks to flip an egg or pancake being cooked in the skillet. Improvised weapon, 1d4 bludgeoning.
77. Spoon of Cooking: When held, make a DC 12 Wisdom save or be Dominated to make a delicious meal out of materials currently available to you.
78. Staff of Disintegration: On use the staff disintegrates. One use.
79. Staff of lesser Dimension door: Teleports user up to 1 foot in any direction.
80. Stuffed Alligator of Importance: When a wizard hangs up this stuffed reptile in his laboratory, it will make the laboratory look much more genuine and 'mage-ish'. This may add a +1 to Diplomacy or Intimidation checks on the wizard’s behalf, when he is in his study.
81. The Sword of Damoclese: A magic blade from legendary tales. It would act as a Dancing Scimitar for anyone who knows the command word - unfortunately that command word is in a forgotten tongue for a dead race who's physiology was capable of producing completely unique sounds. Without the command word, then this sword will imprint itself on a random individual and hang 3 feet above their head (pointed down, as though about to fall and impale their skull), sort of like a giant metal exclamation point or a very dangerous ion stone. If it is unable to maintain this position (due to a low ceiling or persistent attempts to catch it), it will disappear, turning invisible, and silently stalk its intended 'master' for a time. It will always re-appear shortly before the person awakens from sleep, so that the first thing they see in the morning is a sword a few inches above their nose, suspended in mid-air. A character who is being followed by this sword who enters an anti-magic field should make a Dex save (DC 15) to avoid getting skewered by the falling blade. On a successful Dexterity check (also DC 15), the character can attempt to wrest the sword out of the air and wield it as a weapon. Each round they wield the blade, however, they take a -4 circumstance penalty to attack and damage (because the sword is uncooperative) and must make a DC 15 Strength check. Immediately after losing control of the sword, it will flat them for 1d6 non-lethal damage in retribution before taking it's place again (or turning invisible, if it's feeling spiteful).
82. Tome of Uselessness: Whenever this plain brown tome is opened, it closes (as the Open/Close spell).
83. Sword of Little Man Syndrome: Weapon (longsword), Uncommon (requires attunement by a dwarf, halfing or gnome.) Once attuned, the sword magically adjusts in length to become 2x your height, becoming a weapon one size larger than you. In addition, the sword gives you the following properties:
You gain advantage on Cha (persuasion) checks against yourself.
You gain disadvantage on all Cha (Intimidation) checks.
-2 on attacks and damage rolls because of the size difference.
84. Suggestive Rod: This arcane implement has a knob on the end... Provides a synergy bonus if used in conjunction with the Deck of Puerile Things.
85. Tooth of the Fairy: This magic tooth is placed in the mouth after the fresh removal of a natural tooth. It then seals itself in place of the old tooth for the next 24 hours. During this time you gain large diaphanous wings which have no capacity to aid the user in any physical manner. At the end of 24 hours the tooth leaves the wielders mouth, and 1d4 gold pieces appear beneath their tongue.
86. Torch of Fire Detection: A magic torch that glows red in the close presence of fire.
87. Unbrella: This object resembles an ordinary umbrella, but when opened it produces water. When the unbrella is upside-down this water simply fills it; otherwise it falls like rain. The water vanishes if removed from the five-foot-high cylinder defined by the unbrella's radius.
88. Unportable hole: It’s a hole! No, you cannot move it. It’s a HOLE, you know.
89. Vault-Pole of the Ancients: An enchanted 10ft pole that grants advantage on Athletics checks made to pole-vault with it.
90. Wand of Bark: When used the wand summons a small pile of tree bark.
91. Wand of Egg: Summons one egg. This may be boiled and eaten. It may be summoned above somebodys head. Or under your hat. Or something.
92. Wand of Grease: In theory could be used to cast the Grease spell, but no one is sure, due to being unable to get a grip on it.
93. Wand of Minor Light: Casts really minor light spell, about candle light strength.
94. Wand of Silent Image: This wand, made of a rare and exotic wood, is inlaid with intricate filigrees of colored gold (blue, green, white, and rose gold in addition to pure gold) that depict climbing morning glory vines, and is capped with a sapphire worth 200 gp. Engraved in fine elvish script on a ring-sized, well-worn gold band around the center of the wand, the only part of the wand that shows any sign of age, are the closing words of a High Elven wedding vow. The wand holds 10 charges, and regains 1d10 charges per long rest. When used, it invariably creates an image within 10ft of the caster of a plain-looking young human woman dressed in peasant's clothing placing a morning glory flower in her hair, smiling shyly to the caster, and waving in greeting, then fading away in the same round as the wand was used. No amount of magical skill short of direct action by a deity can make it change the image it produces.
95. Wand of The Match: When you activate the Match Wand a small flame bursts forth from the tip of it.
96. Wand of Mole: When you use the Wand of Mole a mole is summoned in an adjacent square and it rolls initiative. On its turn it burrows into the ground and avoids combat.
97. Wand of Persistent Drizzle: Everyone within an 80' radius gets damp and miserable after 1D6 turns.
98. Wand of Routing: When you use the Wand of Routing, you and all your allies within 30 feet most succeed on a DC 15 Wisdom save or become Frightened, and must flee the current fight post haste.
99. Wand of Wand Recursion: Creates a wand. The wand turns to dust upon use. The created wand can only be used to create a wand, and turns to dust upon use. The wand created by the created wand...
100. Water-Carrier of the Ancients: An enchanted 10ft pole that can be used to carry two buckets (buckets sold separately) of water or other liquid without spilling a drop, regardless of what else is occurring and whether or not it should be physically possible, until set down. This does not prevent the character from falling, being tripped, etc., only prevents the liquid from spilling.