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Kid Jake
2015-03-24, 10:33 PM
I'm putting together a Paranoia game involving a tense mystery (who keeps stealing spoons?) and keeping with the spirit of Alpha Complex I'm determined to mostly issue them equipment that either does nothing or actively makes their lives harder but that they're still expected to make the most out of to keep from offending The Infinitely Wise And Benevolent, And Definitely Not Crazy, Friend Computer. So far I'm kicking around:

Team Leader/Equipment Guy: Outside of some experimental R&D tech I cant really think of anything to throw at this guy.

Hygiene/Happiness Officer: 2,000 assorted con-doms(This being AC nobody knows what they're for), 2 brillo pads, a spray bottle of bleach, lots of pills without any labels, laugh track.

Loyalty/Communications and Recording Officer: 6ft boom mic which The Computer expects to be regularly employed even especially during battle, a copy of the popular stand up routine 'You Might Be A Communist*', 20lbs of explosives...no obvious detonator.



Anybody else have ideas for other useless/dangerous crap to burden them with?



*"If you've ever spread sedition in order to undermine the safety and stability of Alpha Complex so that your friends and neighbors can be butchered in their sleep by horrible mutant cannibals...you might be a communist!"
"If you have suspicions that you might possibly have encountered a commie mutant spy and you don't inform The Computer...you might be a communist!"
"If you don't laugh and buy a copy of this album in the lobby...you might be a communist!"

Maglubiyet
2015-03-24, 11:24 PM
A large hourglass. "Backup" for timekeeping. Made of glass, not plexiglass.

Emergency flares with instructions to use to signal danger. Except that they're the kind used for boating that launch into the sky. Inside Alpha Complex.

A floodlight on a wheeled stand to be used to enhance video taken. To be used in conjunction with the microphone boom.

Old white-gas camping stove with corroded pressure valve O-ring, a pack of matches, and no instructions.

Kid Jake
2015-03-25, 12:34 PM
I particularly like the idea of building up the flare as 'FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY' and then in their time of need just having it bounce off the ceiling and either land at their feet or put an eye out. :smallbiggrin:

Zyzzyva
2015-03-25, 12:49 PM
I gave my team a "communist distractor" once: when turned on, all giant mutant cockroaches communists in a 50m radius stop what they're doing and rush the device. In principle, it'd be incredibly useful if you're already fighting giant mutant cockroaches; in practice, a box that makes communists burst from the walls and start coming towards you you freaks the players out so much they never turned it on again. :smallwink:

Lacco
2015-03-25, 01:36 PM
How aboooout... the OmniSpoon Detector? Point at any item and if it is a spoon, it goes "ping".

For the team leader:
TeamSpirit Mood Ring. It changes colour according to mood in team. If communistic thoughts are present, it changes to (pick your own) colour. It's a standard mood ring, reacting on temperature.

AlphaComplex Mapper Tool (paper and pen, the pen is empty).
Since he is the equipment guy, also issue him the standard IX-49GZZöQ-1 form for each piece of equipment. And Maintenance Bot ("This piece of equipment is faulty. Please, provide spare parts for repair. If no spare parts are present, you must be a communist traitor and shall be eliminated!")

For hygiene officer:
One spare sock (used).
Ultrasonic toothbrush (one use, and you never have to worry about teeth).
Personal flamethrower (used on the person who is wearing it... completely disinfects... highly hygienic).
Completely similar bottles, one with 1l of lavender-scented detergent, one with lemon-scented highly abrasive lubricant (don't ask me) and one with 1l of peppermint-scented highly aggressive acid (which one of them knows how lavender, orange & peppermint smell? Don't forget, only communist traitors can recognize lavender, orange and peppermint!).

For loyalty officer:
LoyaltyEnhancer 2500 (tube working as projector for PPT presentation, laser pointer, beverage dispenser, cattle prod, acid spray and buzzsaw in one piece of equipment - of course they are not labelled except for one button labelled "do not press...again" in shaky handwriting - that button plays the presentation about Computer).

If you like these, I can provide more later.

Flickerdart
2015-03-25, 02:07 PM
A small box labelled "push button when in need" that deploys an inflatable "party member", who mostly takes up space and gets tangled with the PCs as they try to escape.

Kid Jake
2015-03-25, 02:16 PM
I gave my team a "communist distractor" once: when turned on, all giant mutant cockroaches communists in a 50m radius stop what they're doing and rush the device. In principle, it'd be incredibly useful if you're already fighting giant mutant cockroaches; in practice, a box that makes communists burst from the walls and start coming towards you you freaks the players out so much they never turned it on again. :smallwink:

I'd considered giving the Loyalty Officer a Communist Detector that would ping on everything it was aimed at; but I think I much prefer a device that buries them in mutant cockroaches.



TeamSpirit Mood Ring. It changes colour according to mood in team. If communistic thoughts are present, it changes to (pick your own) colour. It's a standard mood ring, reacting on temperature.


The funniest thing about this is that the second it changes color you're committing treason by wearing it without the proper clearance. Definitely something hilarious to spring on an unwitting troubleshooter.


A small box labelled "push button when in need" that deploys an inflatable "party member", who mostly takes up space and gets tangled with the PCs as they try to escape.

Inflatable Friend. Studies show that 61% of all missions fail due to lack of companionship.

Cristo Meyers
2015-03-25, 02:20 PM
One thing that's always made it into our Paranoia one-shots was the SPLAT can. It's an aerosol can with a dial on the end. Turn the dial, push the end, and throw. Usually does something that would create the aforementioned SPLAT (fire extinguishing foam was a favorite) 'Course, the dial measures the Area of Effect, not the timer...

Last time we changed it up (repeat players) and made it the S.P.L.A.T. can - Suspiciously Precise Large Automatic Turret.

Those don't really fit the feel of the others here, though.

nedz
2015-03-25, 04:05 PM
Team Leader/Equipment Guy: Experimental Team Leading Bot.

Annoying personality and it gives conflicting orders.

Lord Raziere
2015-03-25, 04:28 PM
Team Leader/Equipment Guy: Experimental Team Leading Bot.

Annoying personality and it gives conflicting orders.

and it looks and sounds like Claptrap, and it randomly yells "Hey! LISTEN!" in an incredibly high pitched voice whenever it sees something shiny.

Digital Monocle:
It is supposed to analyze threats and tell the Troubleshooter how great a threat to Alpha Complex it is. But all it does is display "Communist Threat Level 9001" at whatever its pointed at and declare "Shoot it now!"

Mutant Vision Goggles:
It "allows the Troubleshooter to see a mutants true form" in reality its just Virtual Reality goggles that digitally overlays randomly selected people you see with the forms of monsters.

Edit:
The Ultimate Gun:
It looks like the greatest gun ever and Friend Computer instructs you to use it however you like. When you press the trigger however, it blows up and kills the wielder, with a little recorder being all thats left, saying: "only commie mutant traitors would be so greedy as to use an ultimate gun! and gullible enough to fall for it."

Cristo Meyers
2015-03-25, 05:13 PM
and it looks and sounds like Claptrap, and it randomly yells "Hey! LISTEN!" in an incredibly high pitched voice whenever it sees something shiny.


That one is so going in my Paranoia one-shot file...:smallamused:

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-25, 05:45 PM
A set of VR glasses which filter out everything with an appearance above your own. Permanently stuck on infrared clearance.

A battery-powered soldering iron, sans handle and off switch.

A locked safe, or in other words a cardboard box with one padlock on it.

20 tonnes of thousand year old strawberry frosting. The Friend Computer insists it is of vital importance and must be carried around at all times.

One book, approximately A4 sized, slightly battered, with the word 'Paranoia' just visible on the outside. The Team Leader is informed that there will be a test on the material when the mission is over.

An extremely fragile vial of smallpox.

One red wine gum. Over the course of the adventure mould begins to grow on it.

Sith_Happens
2015-03-25, 06:48 PM
The funniest thing about this is that the second it changes color you're committing treason by wearing it without the proper clearance. Definitely something hilarious to spring on an unwitting troubleshooter.

I was just about to say this. And while you're at it, give them lots and lots of potentially-useful information-gathering devices that use color-coded lights to convey their findings.

On a different note, don't forget to provide an experimental "traitor-killer" guided micro-rocket that, when activated, uses an advanced data-mining algorithm to determine the identity of the nearest traitor, which it then seeks out and kills.

It's designed to explode immediately upon the safety being disengaged, because obviously any traitor among the troubleshooters is going to volunteer to hang onto it so it doesn't get used against them.

Grim Portent
2015-03-25, 07:37 PM
A magic 8 ball with the normal answers replaced with things like, 'hit it with a wrench,' 'blame it on someone else,' 'make sure to hide the bodies.'

Dire Moose
2015-03-25, 07:45 PM
A rubber ducky. That is, a perfectly ordinary rubber ducky with no special properties.

Zyzzyva
2015-03-25, 08:24 PM
A rubber ducky. That is, a perfectly ordinary rubber ducky with no special properties.

That rubber duckie is WAAAAAAY beyond your clearance, citizen.

Sith_Happens
2015-03-25, 09:04 PM
[Wild best idea ever appears!]

A modest-sized box filled with several thousand pH test strips.

Drakeburn
2015-03-25, 10:04 PM
Throwing out a few things that come my mind......

- A Pacifier

- Measuring Tape

- A Sock Puppet :smalltongue:

- A Laser Pointer?

- A Handheld Game System (without any game cartridges)

- Headphones

- Stop Sign

- A bottle of cologne (or perfume)

- A Spray Can of Paint (alternatively it can be empty)

- A Teddy Bear

- An Accordion

- Fortunes (without the Fortune Cookies) [ Example Fortunes: "You're not gonna make it." "Have a nice day." "Through Suffering Comes Wisdom" ]

goto124
2015-03-25, 11:39 PM
That rubber duckie is WAAAAAAY beyond your clearance, citizen.

Some of these items could become props IRL. Especially the rubber ducky.

Lacco
2015-03-26, 02:28 AM
20 tonnes of thousand year old strawberry frosting. The Friend Computer insists it is of vital importance and must be carried around at all times.

One book, approximately A4 sized, slightly battered, with the word 'Paranoia' just visible on the outside. The Team Leader is informed that there will be a test on the material when the mission is over.


Well, the best would be 20 tonnes of strawberry frosting and a candle. I bet no one will ask about the frosting... :smallbiggrin:

As for the book... don't forget that the information inside is far beyond their clearance!

Other ideas:
An old mp3 player with only one song, stuck on repeat and with battery that will last a lifetime. Mandatory equipment for the loyalty guy/team leader (pick one). Has to be worn. Provide a real old mp3 player and hand it to the player.
I recommend (sorted by cruelty rating) :

D. Hasselholf - Hooked on a feeling
Keep young and beautiful (or pick anything else from Fallout 3 radios - there were several good songs)
CCCP hymn (if he recognizes it, listens for longer than five seconds or starts humming, he is obviously a traitor!)
Gummi bear song; Axel F (for extra cruelty make it the Crazy Frog version)
WARNING! Approaching extreme cruelty zone!
Rebecca Black - Friday
Justin Bieber - Baby
Celine Dion - My heart will go on


Fully functional and equipped ServeBot with audio receiver problems (PC: "ServeBot! Protect the group!" SB:"CoMManD noT reCoGnizeD. DId yoU sAy: PerTrAcT tHe FooT? ProTracT my SoUp? PrE-hEaT the GrOOve?").

Oh...if you give them a list of these items (only by name) to pick from, please, include "The AXE" - either give them the body spray or a rock guitar (of course, no strings attached!).

For team leader - AttentionGrenade! - "This useful tool for each team leader comes with a timer, which LOUDLY counts down - perfect for organizing meetings! Need all eyes on you? Just turn the dial to number you want it to count down and it will start the countdown. After 3 seconds it starts flashing brighlty! You are guaranteed you get all attention! Order now and you get this InstaSilence flashbang!". Of course, the countdown can not be stopped, sometimes the countdown starts on its own and the detonator (well, did you expect to be harmless?) makes it explode in random times (so, no planned detonations).

For Loyalty officer - the LeashLash system. Each troubleshooter gets one collar, the loyalty officer gets also the LeashLash loyalty enforcing microphone on his own collar. It is voice operated. You say code phrase (provide list of code phrases with numbers... e.g. Iopwaqerblosq = small shock on collar 3-O023312, Iopwaqerblosc = head-exploding shock on collar 3-0O23312. guess who wears which, since the collars are not numbered...).

Plastic dagger. Of course, the "plastic" is C4. Voice-operated micro-detonator included (but not written on equipment list). Command word? Weeeeell... what about "danger" or "fight" or "go"?.

Picture of your Best Pal - Computer! Do not lose it (it starts to melt if exposed to oxygen in 2 hours).

I.O.U. -a simple small white envelope, including a paper with "Remember: I own you. It's for your own security. Signed: Your best pal - Computer". Does a retina scan on the person, burns itself and ever since then, all cameras will be watching the person, the Leds in his body start to flash, strange voice in his head will sometimes chime in... nothing really happens, but the paranoia... :smallsmile:

A live duck, 10 cans of cat food and instruction to keep it alive (written in poor english for lizards).

Sleeping pills (sorry, that's a typo on the flask - they are "slipping pills" - when you take them, your body starts producing a lubricant from all its pores. Good luck staying in one place).

Emergency Whistle - a little too high pitch for the human ears. The dogs love it though.

Emergency survival box - contains 20 years old biscuits (not properly packaged and hard as rock), sentient can of lunch meat, dull spork, one piece of toilet paper, salivation pill, cyanide pill and a cravat (purple).

Storm_Of_Snow
2015-03-26, 08:28 AM
Some vitally important documents that the team must read and act on once they get somewhere (instructions to defuse a bomb or something), and all cleared to their security clearance.

Give them a sheet of red paper - if you print something on it in red ink the exact same shade as the paper, even better. :smallamused:

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-26, 08:47 AM
Some vitally important documents that the team must read and act on once they get somewhere (instructions to defuse a bomb or something), and all cleared to their security clearance.

Give them a sheet of red paper - if you print something on it in red ink the exact same shade as the paper, even better. :smallamused:

A UV light is above their clearance?

A red spray can, filled with blue spray paint.

An X-ray machine. They can get the infrared clearance materials, but the output is above their clearance.

To go along with their handheld game system, a copy of ET on Atari 2600.

A high programmer's puppy. It must come back from it's walk unharmed.

Segev
2015-03-26, 08:53 AM
Field commissions on colored paper. Best hope they raise your security level high enough to read them.

Official, colorful badges. They give you the authority to kill anybody to whom you show them: the colors are above the clearance of anybody except Ultraviolet. It is not recommended you look at your own badge, or those of your compatriots.

For the loyalty officer: a set of "clearance-appropriate redactive glasses" for the whole party. They ensure loyalty by preventing you from seeing colors above your clearance. Unfortunately, half of them are set for infrared, and thus are wholly opaque black lenses.

A tandem bicycle with enough seats for everyone. The basket on the front counts as a seat.

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-26, 09:16 AM
For the loyalty officer: a set of "clearance-appropriate redactive glasses" for the whole party. They ensure loyalty by preventing you from seeing colors above your clearance. Unfortunately, half of them are set for infrared, and thus are wholly opaque black lenses.

Already suggested it :smallsmile:


A tandem bicycle with enough seats for everyone. The basket on the front counts as a seat.

Goody goody yum yum.

Milodiah
2015-03-26, 06:48 PM
Remember, in Paranoia all explosive devices should have a blast radius larger than its maximum range.


-A radio set to call for backup. There are no instructions, and it is extremely technical and difficult to operate. If and when someone figures it out, the dispatcher listens to them, informs them that another unit will be dispatched at once, and hangs up. Then calls them back almost immediately and orders them to search for a Troubleshooter unit calling for backup at their current coordinates.

-An infiltration uniform that changes colors as they enter different security-clearance zones. It is always one color lower than it needs to be. If used in Infrared areas it flashes red and yellow text that reads "I am a communist!"

-Smoke grenades with improperly designed gas release nozzles. When the pin is pulled they immediately shoot out of the user's hands like an unknotted balloon, flying off in random directions trailing crazy kaleidoscopic smoke.

- A dart gun loaded with what are allegedly all powerful tranquilizer darts. The first round is a localized anesthetic. The second is a potent hallucinogenic. The third is a strong stimulant. The fourth is bath salts. The fifth is the self-destruct round.

-A rope ladder made of heavy-duty, impossibly-elastic rubber.

-A magnet tied to a string tied to a lampshade. The quartermaster insists it's very important.

Zyzzyva
2015-03-26, 07:07 PM
Remember, in Paranoia all explosive devices should have a blast radius larger than its maximum range.

FTFY. :smallwink:

Lord Raziere
2015-03-26, 07:33 PM
A bunch of Alternian troll cosplay equipment. Friend Computer insists that its useful for disguises.

a robot cat. its useful for detecting many things and even has great weapons to defend you with! unfortunately it behaves exactly like a cat.

bomb dog: its an incredibly loyal bomb dog! it plays fetch better than any dog, and will always retrieve the bone and come back just in time to blow up in your face.

Cealocanth
2015-03-26, 07:35 PM
A list of random, useless objects? Count me in!

An automatic irrigation timer complete with hose adapter.
A large crate containing seven empty cans of silly string.
20 and a half poorly folded paper cranes.
A small clay urn labeled 'Grandpa's Ashes.' Empty.
A coffee stained TSA report.
A doctor's note for delusional parasitosis.
A small, well crafted soapstone statue depicting a sea lion.
An empty gift card to someplace called 'Kenny's Korral of Knick-Knacks'.
About 4" of copper wire.

Edit: More random things!

A deck of cards containing nothing except for Kings of Hearts. Labeled in crayon: "the suicide deck"
A single blood-splattered black Joker card.
A frayed bowstring, violin not included.
A small pocket Bible with a bullet hole in it.
The hilt of a Bowie knife.
A crate containing rotting fruit halves.
The lid to an aluminum canteen.
A cinderblock with a small length of chain welded on.
An amputated gout victim's left foot.
A pair of unused baby shoes.
A big-screen television made in 1983, broken.
A boxed edition of Bob Marley's greatest hits.
A mint condition copy of Action Comics #176
A stone slab with the words "I'm sorry" scrawled in blood.
A sopping wet diary of a Vietnam War veteran, most of the pages are missing.
A piece of a live sea sponge, in a tank.
25 oz of sea shells
$400,000, Confederate currency.
A stale bottle of open cooking wine, made in (insert campaign year).
A frayed shoelace.
4 square inches of spandex.
A cloudy glass orb.
A barely alive posy in a small pot.
Six open cans of dog food.
A pristine ammonite fossil.
A paintbrush labeled with the initials T.C.
A leather-bound cover of an 1890 Physics textbook.
A jar containing multicolored fish-tank rocks.
A fifth place compensation prize trophy for a t-ball tournament.
A tiny, bloodstained cubic-zirconium ring.
A pineapple with several human bite marks taken out of it, from the spiny outside.
A counterfeit $3 bill.
The handle to a sledgehammer, head not included.
A rusty 6" railroad spike.
A beautifully carved Brazilian rubber tap.
A used band-aid.
A very old WWI hardtack biscuit.
A paper plate covered in superglue and glitter.
The left heel of a pair of glass slippers.
A picnic basket, empty.
The windshield wipers of an unknown vehicle.
About 15 lbs of potting soil.
A literal bottom of a barrel, with scratch marks on the inside face.

Storm_Of_Snow
2015-03-27, 04:10 AM
Remember, in Paranoia all explosive devices everything should have a blast radius larger than its maximum range.

FTFY. :smallwink:
Fixed the fix for you. :smallbiggrin:

Wraith
2015-03-27, 08:02 AM
Every Alpha-Complex investigation team needs a man-portable Grüning-Houser machine.

"What is a Grüning-Houser machine?"
"Oh, y'know... the standard variety."
"What does it do/look like?"
"Pretty much as you'd expect. It's a perfectly normal one, if a little battered."
"Well, how does it work?"
"The same way as all the others."

Repeat for as long as you find it amusing, and when you get bored, have it explode and kill whoever is carrying it. :smallbiggrin:

Zyzzyva
2015-03-27, 08:40 AM
Every Alpha-Complex investigation team needs a man-portable Grüning-Houser machine.

"What is a Grüning-Houser machine?"
"Oh, y'know... the standard variety."
"What does it do/look like?"
"Pretty much as you'd expect. It's a perfectly normal one, if a little battered."
"Well, how does it work?"
"The same way as all the others."

Repeat for as long as you find it amusing, and when you get bored, have it explode and kill whoever is carrying it. :smallbiggrin:

"I use my sword to detect whether it's good."
"It's not good, Eric. It's a Grüning-Houser machine!"
(Pause) "I call out to it."
"It won't answer. It's a Grüning-Houser machine!"

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-27, 09:10 AM
"I use my sword to detect whether it's good."
"It's not good, Eric. It's a Grüning-Houser machine!"
(Pause) "I call out to it."
"It won't answer. It's a Grüning-Houser machine!"

At this point we had to explain to Eric-R-DND-6 (deceased) what exactly paranoia was.

Milodiah
2015-03-27, 10:54 AM
A battery-powered electric butterfly net. The electrification does nothing but malfunction and shock the user randomly.

A pair of nunchaku made out of styrofoam and shoestring.

Exactly one-half of a set of SCUBA gear.

An incredibly simple circuit with a battery, a speaker, and an on/off switch. When on, it produces a very obnoxious screech that annoys anyone near it. When off, it produces a slightly quieter obnoxious screech that annoys anyone near it.

Lord Torath
2015-03-27, 12:17 PM
Just reading this thread makes me think I really need to give Paranoia a try. What books do I need for running the game?

Zyzzyva
2015-03-27, 12:28 PM
Just reading this thread makes me think I really need to give Paranoia a try. What books do I need for running the game?

That information is above your clearance, citizen.

Just the one rulebook, I think; I used this one (http://www.amazon.com/Paranoia-RPG-Rulebook-Allen-Varney/dp/1904854265). There's been a couple of editions but I can't imagine that the fundamental mechanics* have changed much.

*Ultraviolet-clearance citizens are now permitted to snicker at the idea of Paranoia having "fundamental mechanics".

Kid Jake
2015-03-27, 12:34 PM
Just reading this thread makes me think I really need to give Paranoia a try. What books do I need for running the game?

You only need three things to play Paranoia. The core rulebook (I went with Paranoia XP), a D20 and malicious glee. :smallbiggrin:

Sith_Happens
2015-03-27, 01:02 PM
A high programmer's puppy. It must come back from it's walk unharmed.

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/682/520/fa9.jpg


At this point we had to explain to Eric-R-DND-6 (deceased) what exactly paranoia was.

But wasn't that information above his security clearance? And yours?

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-27, 02:42 PM
But wasn't that information above his security clearance? And yours?

Like the last 5 clones, we simply told him that it's something that you should report to the Friend Computer, if discovered. Accusing a High Programmer of having a lower clearance than they do is treason. Please report to your nearest maximum fun chamber

mikeejimbo
2015-03-27, 03:24 PM
For the team leader: An outfit that can't be seen by commie mutant traitors. (A la the Emperor's new clothes, naturally.)

Jay R
2015-03-27, 09:56 PM
A small box labelled "push button when in need" that deploys an inflatable "party member", who mostly takes up space and gets tangled with the PCs as they try to escape.

Put a red shirt on it and you might have something useful there.

Kid Jake
2015-03-27, 10:06 PM
Put a red shirt on it and you might have something useful there.

Knowing the rest of the team he'll probably be made second in command.

Taet
2015-03-27, 10:16 PM
For the team leader: An outfit that can't be seen by commie mutant traitors. (A la the Emperor's new clothes, naturallyau naturel.)
Fixed it for you.

Wraith
2015-03-28, 03:56 AM
"I use my sword to detect whether it's good."
"It's not good, Eric. It's a Grüning-Houser machine!"
(Pause) "I call out to it."
"It won't answer. It's a Grüning-Houser machine!"

Exactly! In D&D, it was a bit of a jerk move, killing characters instead of just being rational and explaining what you're talking about.

In Paranoia, 'rational' gets used for reactor shielding. The players will be lucky if they are sufficiently entertaining enough - to live long enough - to find out that a Grüning-Houser machine is actually a (for example) man-portable, completely automatic, face-removing surgical device. Just push the little green button to get it started and try to get out of the room before the rest of your team mates. To turn it off.... Well, y'know, R&D are such busy people, they probably don't have enough time to go into EVERY little detail....

nedz
2015-03-28, 04:37 PM
Remember, in Paranoia all explosive devices should have a blast radius larger than its maximum range.

Actually you just need to make the blast radius larger than any room or corridor you might want to use it in — the ranger can be anything you like.

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-28, 04:51 PM
Actually you just need to make the blast radius larger than any room or corridor you might want to use it in — the ranger can be anything you like.

Rocket Glove: unable to hit your enemies? Simply punch and the rocket will ignite, hitting those communist traitors in those hard to punch places.

Range: maximum not measured. Blast radius: at least twice your armspan. Damage: enough.

Detaching mechanism: to be implemented in model 2

Algeh
2015-03-29, 02:21 AM
A paint-with-water activity book.
A very heavy bag labeled "trail mix". In it is a bunch of gravel, of exactly the right mix to make trails with. Probably best if the bag's opaque and it says it's for use in emergencies only so they've hauled it around for a while before realizing it's a bag of rocks.

Sith_Happens
2015-03-29, 07:30 AM
http://www.geek.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/11.gif

Durkoala
2015-03-29, 07:51 AM
Twenty discount Machete Elastic Wonders
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/24/Rubber_bands.jpg

Every time one is used, there should be a chance for it to break. I'm not familiar with Paranoia, but if it's allowed/within cognative reason, there should be a way to fix them (tie the broken ends together). After five or so fixes, a dMEW is much harder to use. Don't model them as seperate items, just roll to see if they've picked an over-repaired or broken one each time they draw from the pile (to be a bit more realistic/fair*, only start giving them over repaired dMEW after they've repaired six) and keep tallies of broken, useless and really useless in your notes.

*The beauty of this is that the more fair and useful this originally is, the quicker the players will reduce them to scraps of rubber.

Cazero
2015-03-29, 08:55 AM
http://www.geek.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/11.gif

... I want one of those.

TheCountAlucard
2015-03-29, 10:51 AM
A narrow box of shiny black infrared buttons and shiny red buttons. Also contained in the box is a flat piece of cardboard made of red and black infrared squares. There are instructions for their use, but they appear to be written in some sort of dead language.

A ninety-kilogram industrial vacuum cleaner. It appears to have once had wheels; without them, it's a shade more difficult to move it around.

A clone tank secured with bungee cords to a hand truck; the tank is filled to the brim with pepperoni. Each time a new clone of one of the Troubleshooters arrives on the scene, an embarrassed-looking clone technician also wheels in one of these, and tells the team to bring it along.

Also, on the puppy idea from before: ideally the puppy is of a color they don't have the clearance level to even touch, and so they can only handle it via its red leash.

Anonymouswizard
2015-03-29, 12:54 PM
A narrow box of shiny black infrared buttons and shiny red buttons. Also contained in the box is a flat piece of cardboard made of red and black infrared squares. There are instructions for their use, but they appear to be written in some sort of dead language.

Make it the kind with ultraviolet buttons, than have one of their secret societies draught them into carrying it.


A ninety-kilogram industrial vacuum cleaner. It appears to have once had wheels; without them, it's a shade more difficult to move it around.

Eh, just park it in the locker room.


A clone tank secured with bungee cords to a hand truck; the tank is filled to the brim with pepperoni. Each time a new clone of one of the Troubleshooters arrives on the scene, an embarrassed-looking clone technician also wheels in one of these, and tells the team to bring it along.

As long as they are carting around 16 of them at the end of the mission, this is awesome.


Also, on the puppy idea from before: ideally the puppy is of a color they don't have the clearance level to even touch, and so they can only handle it via its red leash.

Oh, the puppy is, of course, pure whiteultraviolet.

Cealocanth
2015-03-29, 06:43 PM
After reading through the Paranoid manual I have some more ideas.

The Non-Automatic Cellulosic Information Transfer Device, or NACITD (just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?)
Constructed in pre-cataclysmic days, this odd device appears to have been used for the storage and transmission of information between human hands. Using the miracles of technology present at that time, this device is completely powerless, allowing all information stored in it to persist indefinitely until the device is destroyed. This so happens to be one of few models that remains completely information-free, allowing further storage in the future.

(In other words, it's a book with empty pages.)

The Jealous Machine
Upon activation, this small handheld grenade will cause everyone in the radius of undetermined size to become extremely jealous. WARNING, once jealous, individuals may find movement across smooth surfaces difficult, and only commie traitors will detect significant quantities of strawberry.

The Long-Term Object Preserver
This miraculous container will perfectly preserve any object placed inside of it for even a second indefinitely. It folds dimensional space in order to allow any quantity of objects which fit through it's new and compact 4" opening to fit within it, allowing for completely infinite storage space in one practically tiny tube. Once inside, all objects will be encompassed in a stasis field to preserve their current state indefinitely. WARNING, use this device at your own risk. We are not responsible for hands, fingers or other objects becoming permanently and irreversibly stuck inside of the tube.

The Photosynthetic Laser Deflector
This large, metal, shield-like object is coated in an unique brand of photosynthetic paint which powers the internal battery system. Once powered and activated, the shield will project a deflector field which instantly reflects all form of light, including laser beams. Due to miraculous technological advances, the shield can continue to function for almost seven minutes after exposure to light. As a consequence, however, is the matter of weight, which we have managed to keep remarkably close to just a single ton. WARNING: Point away from face.

(So a giant, heavy laser deflector that stops deflecting things every seven minutes.)

Automatic Medical Assistant Droid
Upon charging and activation, this android will begin our perfectly programmed simulation of a medical cadaver for teaching purposes. The newest model is now complete with spot-on odors, skin discoloration, and disturbing appearance of your closest loved ones. We are not responsible for perfectly simulated rapid release of dangerous pathogens from the android. It is recommended that you replace your Automatic Medical Assistant Droid every 48 hours to preserve freshness.

Extreme Energy (tm) Serum
We at Extreme Energy have formulated the injected serum that is right for you! Using a perfectly synthesized mix of sugars, key vitamins, and a technically non-lethal dose of epinephrine, we have created a serum which is guaranteed to give you and your friends at least seven straight days of nonstop energy. Perfect for workers on the go! Want to sleep when under the effects of the Extreme Energy Serum? No problem! A proper dose of our serum is guaranteed to cause sleep-like symptoms in over 50% of users! We are not responsible for itching, bleeding, paranoia, insanity, or organ failure when under the effects of the Extreme Energy Serum. If energy persists for more than thirty days, contact your doctor or seek medical attention.

Kid Jake
2015-03-30, 09:02 PM
Extreme Energy (tm) Serum
We at Extreme Energy have formulated the injected serum that is right for you! Using a perfectly synthesized mix of sugars, key vitamins, and a technically non-lethal dose of epinephrine, we have created a serum which is guaranteed to give you and your friends at least seven straight days of nonstop energy. Perfect for workers on the go! Want to sleep when under the effects of the Extreme Energy Serum? No problem! A proper dose of our serum is guaranteed to cause sleep-like symptoms in over 50% of users! We are not responsible for itching, bleeding, paranoia, insanity, or organ failure when under the effects of the Extreme Energy Serum. If energy persists for more than thirty days, contact your doctor or seek medical attention.

I can't help but think of this. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs) :smallbiggrin:

Lord Raziere
2015-03-31, 01:12 AM
Vital Advisor Ball
A robotic eyeball that you carry around, but gives you advice on the situation at hand. It likes to be called "Wheatley" and claims that it has "an IQ equal to the infinite space from here to the moon."

Weighted Companion Cube
Friend Computer says that the Weighted Companion Cube is incapable of stabbing you, and in fact cannot speak. Friend Computer says that if you hear the Weighted Companion Cube threaten to stab you, please report to the nearest Termination Booth at once. Good day.

Random Portal Gun
It looks like the portal gun from Portal. problem is, while the entrance blue portal is always were you shoot it, where the exit orange portal is always completely random and too often seems to lead many a Troubleshooter into somewhere dangerous.

Milodiah
2015-04-01, 10:24 AM
Yours made me think of something else...

Tactical Assessment Orb #08
Painted black for field operations, this small sphere, only slightly larger than the average pool ball, will provide useful intel on the tactical circumstances of any op! Simply ask it your question, shake for a few seconds to provide the kinetic input code, and voila! You've got your answer!


"Is the fugitive going to fire on us when he sees us?"
...
"Signs point to yes."

"Will Command be likely to send us reinforcements anytime soon?"
...
"Don't count on it."

"Is this a good idea?"
...
"Reply hazy, try again later."

Zyzzyva
2015-04-01, 12:26 PM
Tactical Assessment Orb #08

YESSSSSSSSS :smallbiggrin:

braveheart
2015-04-01, 04:10 PM
Sanity/loyalty anchoring device

This beauty aids the computer in identifying clones with treasonous knowlede, or who are mentally unstable

(It is literally an old style ship's anchor, but knowledge of what an anchor looks like is treasonous, and accepting the anchor as an item to be tested is evidence of mental instability)

Sgt. Cookie
2015-04-01, 05:04 PM
Referential Box of Companionship

Does nothing except constantly say "We're as inseparable as these two" and shows this picture:

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/fma/images/3/3e/18063_101518153213457_100000658175532_40694_117242 8_n.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110610052132

icefractal
2015-04-01, 07:46 PM
Emergency Clearance Helmet
When activated, it will show the wearer all relevant information about the situation, up to Violet clearance, for up to 15 minutes.
In order to prevent accidentally revealing this information to those not cleared for it, the wearer is prevented from speaking or writing while the helmet is active. In order to prevent the wearer remembering the information when they're no longer cleared for it, the helmet will self-destruct, removing the wearer's head, after the 15 minutes runs out (or immediately, if removing it is attempted).

Not completely useless, but it seems fitting.

Zyzzyva
2015-04-01, 08:37 PM
A bag of suspicious white powder for planting on suspects. ...What? No, drugs are totally legal in Alpha Complex (Did you remember to take your happiness pills today, citizen?), it's just the colour clearly indicates it's only cleared for Ultraviolet citizens. Obviously.

Sith_Happens
2015-04-02, 04:46 PM
Referential Box of Companionship

Does nothing except constantly say "We're as inseparable as these two" and shows this picture:

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/fma/images/3/3e/18063_101518153213457_100000658175532_40694_117242 8_n.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110610052132

Don't forget the part where it's imperative the Referential Box of Companionship be returned intact after the mission.:smallamused:

And the part where the reference is above the players' security clearance. Anyone who comments on or visibly reacts to it is therefore committing treason.:belkar:


Emergency Clearance Helmet
When activated, it will show the wearer all relevant information about the situation, up to Violet clearance, for up to 15 minutes.
In order to prevent accidentally revealing this information to those not cleared for it, the wearer is prevented from speaking or writing while the helmet is active. In order to prevent the wearer remembering the information when they're no longer cleared for it, the helmet will self-destruct, removing the wearer's head, after the 15 minutes runs out (or immediately, if removing it is attempted).

Not completely useless, but it seems fitting.

The "memory-wiping" bit might not be effective depending on how memory retention from one clone to the next works. Though from a GM's perspective that's a feature, not a bug. Good luck going the rest of the mission your life without letting on that you know any of the things you learned from the helmet.:smallamused:

Trevortni
2015-04-02, 10:56 PM
Your favorite D&D standard starting adventuring gear, compiled from a historical document discovered by a high programmer. Which hasn't been used since the days of D&D. Examples:

- 50 ft of rope, mouldy. Will break the first time someone fully commits to using it.
- 10 ft pole, bowed to 8.5 ft. No convenient way to carry it. Will break if straightened or any significant force applied.
- Iron pot, rusted through. Incapable of containing liquids. Will break if struck hard.
- Torch, damp. Won't ignite without adding inadvisable amounts of oil.
- Oil. More flammable than you would expect.
- Flint and steel. Perfectly fine. Knowledge of how to use it proves you are a commie traitor.
- Identical looking healing potions and alchemists fire. Only one healing potion is labeled. Magic doesn't work. Alchemists fire isn't magic.
- One waterskin full of absolutely perfectly pure, clean drinking water. This is seriously the best drink you have ever tasted in yourBouncy Bubbly Beverage is the best drink you have ever tasted Citizen! There is only one of these intact for the whole group.
- Pitons. Rusted. Will break as soon as it's too late. Knowing what to do with them is treasonous, of course.
- Fine wine. Approximately 500 proof.
- Thieves tools. Eh. You get the picture.
- A mount. Note: Bones, being white, are ultraviolet clearance.

Flickerdart
2015-04-02, 11:00 PM
- Fine wine. Approximately 500 proof.
It's 250% alcohol by volume? That's some fine wine indeed, you should be using it instead of the oil.

Trevortni
2015-04-02, 11:04 PM
It's 250% alcohol by volume? That's some fine wine indeed, you should be using it instead of the oil.

Ah, but it's labeled for consumption, not for use as fuel. [EvilGrin]

Besides, whichever one you use, the result will be the same. [EvilerGrin]

Zyzzyva
2015-04-03, 07:39 AM
It's 250% alcohol by volume? That's some fine wine indeed, you should be using it instead of the oil.

Are you questioning the Friend Computer's Happy Fun Boozohol Bottling advertising copy, citizen?

Wraith
2015-04-03, 07:50 AM
Tactical Assessment Orb #08
Painted black for field operations, this small sphere, only slightly larger than the average pool ball, will provide useful intel on the tactical circumstances of any op! Simply ask it your question, shake for a few seconds to provide the kinetic input code, and voila! You've got your answer!

Have one with you, if at all possible, and actually use it to randomly answer plot-related questions. Don't even pretend that you're not doing so, your Players will probably believe that you are deliberately running your adventure according to the whims of a Magic 8 Ball.

Obviously there's no rule that says the GM has to abide by the answers and you can go ahead and do what you like.... But it will mess with their heads something awful. And if they call you on lying to them? It's a piece of equipment given out by the R&D Department, did they honestly expect it to work properly every time?

And of course, if anyone is foolish enough to answer that question as "No", their answer will of course be treasonous against Friend Computer's Benevolent and Generous R&D workers....

....And if they answer "Yes", then they're traitors anyway for implying that something given to them by the R&D guys is faulty..... Or better yet, they were the guys to last use it, so THEY must have broken it! :smallwink:

Another piece of equipment to be given to the Team? One player gets given the pin from a grenade. Another gets given a live hand grenade, sans pin. Randomise the recipients, if you like. Do it with secret notes to the players, if you can. Spend the rest of the game with one players getting his second clone 10 seconds into the adventure, and then thinking that the other guy pulled the pin in the first place. :smallbiggrin:

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-03, 08:26 AM
Another piece of equipment to be given to the Team? One player gets given the pin from a grenade. Another gets given a live hand grenade, sans pin. Randomise the recipients, if you like. Do it with secret notes to the players, if you can. Spend the rest of the game with one players getting his second clone 10 seconds into the adventure, and then thinking that the other guy pulled the pin in the first place. :smallbiggrin:

A nuclear hand grenade of course, with the 'instigator' vaporized along with rest.

Wraith
2015-04-04, 06:40 AM
No, no, one player gets to survive. That way there's someone for the others to vent their anger and/or suspicions upon when they respawn.... Almost nothing inspires vindictive spite amongst players more so than obvious GM favouritism..... :smallbiggrin:

King of Casuals
2015-04-16, 04:01 PM
Soul Soap from Pathfinder: costs 200 gold, its only effect is that it makes the recipient of the soap uncomfortable. Doesnt actually clean you, it actually makes you more dirty. Like the idiot you are for buying soul soap.

The Evil DM
2015-04-16, 08:16 PM
originally created for a D&D game, but could easily be modified for paranoia to interesting and disturbing effect.

I once gave a wizard a wand of Otto's Irresistible Dance, but it was quirked in such a manner that as the subject danced the subject also threw all of their gear and clothing on the ground. Thus it danced and disarmed the individual. More disturbingly if there was a pole available the dance would require the pole.

For paranoia it could be turned into mind control ray, with the possibility of area of effect at random. How many mutants will get uncovered as they dance the night away.

goto124
2015-04-16, 08:34 PM
Ask your players to LARP it out if their PCs fail their saving throws.

*hides*

Telok
2015-04-17, 01:07 AM
Super-photo-voltaic See-In-The-Dark helmet: This is a new tool from R&D to help troubleshooters find commie mutants hiding in dark corners. It is a black, full head motorcycle helmet with light intensifying goggles and a red button on it. Lettering on the button indicates that it is an ON button. When the ON button is pushed the helmet lights up with the illumination of a 500 watt lightbulb for about a minute. The helmet absorbs light to recharge the battery. Recharging takes an hour, or one laser blast. The light intensifying goggles automatically turn on when the helmet is fully charged and turn to the power saver mode when the battery is below 100%. This means that goggles only work in well lit conditions where the helmet can continually recharge. If the helmet is overcharged (hit with a laser blast) it explodes.

***ALERT***ALERT***ALERT***
This document is VIOLET.
If you do not possess VIOLET level clearance please destroy this document and self-terminate.
Thank you, have a nice day-cycle.
***ALERT***ALERT***ALERT***

After Action Troubleshooter Mission Report
Mission#: 937177220-R "Bug Hunt"
Officer in charge: Badowski-B-VCN-8
Team: Team Leader Konrad-R-MER-1, Loyalty Officer Scarlet-R-NOI-1, Hygiene Officer Roy-R-REF-1, Equipment Guy Ear-R-IKA, Morale Officer Ker-R-STA-1.

***Mission Start***
Date: 217.9.4.17.14.59.392
Mission 937177220-R was assigned at 11:23 hours via PDC notification alert. The team was required to secure transportation to sector LRK, subsector 4, level 5, corridor 9 (IR), room 21, Troubleshooter Mission Briefing Room #7, by 16:00 hours.

At 13:08 the automatic security camera in LRK-4.5.9(IR).21 recorded a large package delivered via Very Rapid Pneumatic Parcel System.
At 13:11 Konrad-R-MER-1 requested a doc-bot in LRK-4.5.9(IR).21 via PDC communication to the Emergency Medical Doc-Bot Voicemail Hot-line.
At 14:30 Ear-R-IKA-1 requested a doc-bot in sector LRK, subsector 3, sublevel U, access tunnel 2, section 11 via PDC communication to the Emergency Medical Doc-Bot Voicemail Hot-line.
At 14:52 Ker-R-IST-1 requested a doc-bot in LRK-4-1-1-8 via PDC communication to the Emergency Medical Doc-Bot Voicemail Hot-line.
At 15:49 Scarlet-R-NOI-1 requested a doc-bot in LRK-4.5.9(IR).21 via PDC communication to the Emergency Medical Doc-Bot Voicemail Hot-line.
At 15:55 the automatic security camera in LRK-4.5.9(IR).21 recorded the troubleshooter mission team entering the room.
At 16:02 the automatic security camera in LRK-4.5.9(IR).21 recorded Ear-R-IKA-1 pushing GREEN control buttons on the YELLOW briefing control podium and Ker-R-IST-1 threatening other team members with a YELLOW laser barrel attached to her weapon.
At 16:05 the automatic security camera in LRK-4.5.9(IR).21 ceased operation due to an unknown mechanical error.
At 16:17 Badowski-B-VCN-8 entered the briefing room.

During the briefing the team was given six RED laser barrels, six cans of Bouncy Bubble Beverage, one PLC Equipment Allotment form, one R&D Experimental Equipment Allotment form, and instructions to meet with Lana G-PEB-4 in her office at LRK-2.16.4.13(G) and to aid her as she sees fit. Konrad-R-MER-1 was assigned the Team Leader Mandatory Volunteer Bonus Mission Duty and promoted to ORANGE clearance. During the briefing the Officer In Charge noted that several members were wounded including Konrad-O-MER-1 with both his legs in plasti-casts, Scarlet-R-NOI-1 with her left arm in a sling, and Ear-R-IKA-1 with chemical burns on one side of her body and burn bandages on the other side of her body.

At 16:21 Badowski-B-VCN-8 left the briefing room.
At 16:24 Scarlet-R-NOI-1 requested a doc-bot in LRK-4.5.9(IR).21 via PDC communication to the Emergency Medical Doc-Bot Voicemail Hot-line.
At 17:14 the automatic security camera in LRK-3.5.2.(R).8, R&D Troubleshooter Liaison Office, recorded Ear-R-IKA-1 in receipt of one experimental Super-photo-voltaic See-In-The-Dark helmet, ten assorted experimental grenades, and ten experimental grenade report forms.
At 17:24 Scarlet-R-NOI-1 requested a doc-bot in LRK-5.1.1.18 via PDC communication to the Emergency Medical Doc-Bot Voicemail Hot-line.
At 17:35 the MemoMax Constant Realtime Update Program of Roy-R-REF-1 ceased broadcasting in conjunction with a massive explosion in the Vehicular Incident Pathway System between subsectors 3 and 7.
At 17:41 a form 8205-K-812-Medical-Equipment was processed at the PLC Sector Warehouse in LRK-5.17.3(O).30. The form requested one automatic powered wheelchair for use by Scarlet-R-NOI-1 on a troubleshooter mission. On receipt of a signed full liability/damage/loss/theft/mayhem waiver Scarlet-R-NOI-1 was issued one Type III Roller Combat-Bot (Repurposed).
At 17:58 Lana G-PEB-4 informed the Officer In Charge that she had met with Konrad-O-MER-1 and Roy-R-REF-2 in her office at LRK-2.16.4.13(G) and ordered them to clean up a cockroach infestation in subsector 2 by; 1) Searching sublevels S and T in subsector 2. 2) Locating and destroying the source of the infestation. 3) Filling out and filing form 73-K-489a with the HPD&MC Online Access Resource Allocation Voicemail System for any messes, stains, or roach swarms so that Scrub-Bots could be dispatched. Lana G-PEB-4 filed her report from her living quarters in LRK-2.4.11.23(Y).
At 19:39 a large explosion was detected at LRK-2.16.4.13(G), HPC&MC Manager's Office. A Vulture Trooper Anti-Terrorist Terror Squad was dispatched and reported back that a large explosion had destroyed the HPC&MC Manager's Office and sprayed glue, acid, water, blood, and Bouncy Bubble Beverage into the adjoining hallway.
At 19:39 all the MemoMax Constant Realtime Update Programs for the members of Mission #937177220-R ceased broadcasting.
At 19:54 the members of Mission #937177220-R were declared deceased and scheduled for clone activation first thing in the morning.
Date: 217.9.4.18.8.2.568
At 08:06 the members of Mission #937177220-R were decanted at the cloning facility, issued all previously issued gear except for a Type III Roller Combat-Bot (Repurposed) and told to get to work.
At 09:01 Konrad-O-MER-2 was issued standard troubleshooter mission gear (RED laser barrels, RED reflec armor, loudspeaker, soap and water, treason checklist, duct tape, bailing wire, epoxy, standard Happy Drugs kit, multicorder with video and sound attachments) plus a stun pistol, two energy clips for the pistol, and two orange ablative cardboard environmental protection suits at the PLC Sector Warehouse in LRK-5.17.3(O).30. The Team Leader also checked out extra gear as provided for on the PLC allotment form. This included two laser rifles, two RED laser rifle barrels, one kevlar vest, one stun pistol, and a hand cart.
Between 12:12 hours and 12:23 hours the team filed on-line forms for Pipe Damage (#781-L, motor oil), Equipment Loss (a MkII Laser Rifle and Red Laser Rifle Barrel), R&D experimental grenade usage (thermite), and an Emergency Medical Doc-Bot Voicemail Hot-line request from LRK subsector 2, level 17, corridor 3.
At 12:29 Type XIV Doc-Bot #86-D-25z reported from LRK subsector 2, level 17, corridor 5, that it was unable to resume it's normal duties due to having used it's own legs to replace a troubleshooter's amputated legs.
At 12:37 a large fire was detected at LRK-2.17.3 and emergency response teams were sent to extinguish it.
At 12:48 the team filed a on-line Pipe Damage (#284-N, raw sewage) form and a R&D experimental grenade usage (Bouncy Bubble Beverage) form from LRK-2.S.15.
At 13:19 automatic sensors detected crippling loss of both water and sewage pressure on in LRK subsector 2, levels 17 and 18, corridors 12 through 20.
At 13:33 IntSec intercepted a PDC camera image from Team Leader Konrad-O-MER-2 of the troubleshooting team shooting Scrub-Bots and forwarded the image to the Officer In Charge.
At 13:35 the team filed an on-line R&D experimental grenade usage (glue) form.
At 13:41 Badowski-B-VCN-8 aborted the mission and recalled the team to LRK-4.5.9(IR).21 for debriefing.
At 15:11 the automatic security camera in LRK-4.5.9(IR).21 recorded Badowski-B-VCN-8, the Officer In Charge for Troubleshooter Mission #937177220-R entering the briefing room.
At 15:42 the automatic security camera in LRK-4.5.9(IR).21 recorded the troubleshooter mission team enter the briefing room with a Type XIV Doc-Bot duct taped to a handcart.
At 16:08 Badowski-B-VCN-8 activated the automatic blaster turret in LRK-4.5.9(IR).21 and executed Ker-R-IST-2 for treason.
At 16:09 Badowski-B-VCN-8 declared a donut break and passed around refreshments.
At 16:17 Ker-R-IST-3 entered the LRK-4.5.9(IR).21 and the briefing resumed.
At 16:19 Badowski-B-VCN-8 handed out the remaining six experimental grenades to the team and the Doc-Bot and activated the Emergency Officer In Charge Shielding System.
At 16:20 the team of Troubleshooter Mission 937177220-R was terminated for poor performance.
At 16:28 Badowski-B-VCN-8 filed six on-line R&D experimental grenade usage forms.
At 16:30 Badowski-B-VCN-8 officially ended Troubleshooter Mission 937177220-R.
EndOfFile

Statistics:

Damages:
one INFRARED bus stop (melted)
one VIOLET helicopter (melted)
one INFRARED bicycle (run down by IntSec security van at 50kph)
one RED oxy/hydro combustion engine motorcycle (stolen)
one irradiated Vehicle Incident Pathway System transfer point (core breach emergency thrust )
one ULTRAVIOLET hovercraft with a dual machine gun turret firing metal dissolving gaesous acid ammo and open cycle nuclear salt water rocket thrust enhancement module (rammer)
one tanker trailer carrying 1000 liters of chlorine pentafluoride (rammed)
one Vehicular Incident Pathway System tunnel (dissolved, irradiated, and exploded)
one GREEN office (blown up) including one Combat-Bot turned wheelchair, ten experimental R&D grenades, and one Super-photo-voltaic See-In-The-Dark helmet.
one oil pipeline (breached)
one INFRARED corridor (incinerated)
one sublevel sewage pipe (bisected)
one sublevel water pipe (holed)
three Scrub-Bots (lasered)
one Doc-Bot (detonated)
one metal wall locker (experimental laser grenaded)
one laser rifle (explosive malfunction)

Successes:
two roach swarms (exterminated)

Injuries:
twelve dead troubleshooter team clones
two incinerated legs
three broken legs
one shattered pelvis
one shattered arm
one lasered-off arm
fourteen bruised INFRARED citizens
three bullied INFRARED citizens
one terrorized INFRARED citizen

Sith_Happens
2015-04-17, 09:33 PM
two orange ablative cardboard environmental protection suits

Not sure if lack of capitalization was on purpose...

nedz
2015-04-18, 03:06 AM
An umbrella.

TurboGhast
2015-04-20, 07:17 PM
A entirely useless button, that appears to be useful.
A kitty tree.
In-game OOC equipment. i.e. dice.

Anonymouswizard
2015-04-20, 07:22 PM
20m of rope, cut into 1cm segments.
A Spanish to Cantonese dictionary.
Safety goggles, sans lenses.

goto124
2015-04-20, 07:29 PM
Normal looking clothing. When someone wears them, they become invisible to everyone.


Except the wearer. Who thinks he (or she, or some other pronoun) is still properly clothed.

LooseCannoneer
2015-04-21, 10:04 PM
Explosive guns on strings. It's just a gun with a string tied to the trigger, but when you try to fire it, it explodes.